


That’s the Devil whispering into your ear!

by River_Melody_Pond



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Controversial Themes, F/M, Heavy Angst, Love Triangles, Past Relationship(s), Possible Character Death, Triggers, inner turmoil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 12:55:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 47
Words: 173,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3135248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/River_Melody_Pond/pseuds/River_Melody_Pond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex agrees to give happiness another chance, but will she be able to do it when the past unexpectedly decides to haunt her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The sinking of Britannia

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't want to start posting a new story so soon, but I am really stressed out with uni work and I need a distraction. Since I already have quite a bit of the fic written... I said, why not?  
> Enjoy!

It was November 9th, 2013, the evening of the Britannia Awards in Los Angeles.

 

Alex was having an amazing evening attending the ceremony and the afterparty. She spent a great deal of time with her beloved on-screen mommy, Karen Gillan, or joking around with George Clooney. She played around with a napkin sending anniversary greetings to her precious Doctor. She had a couple of drinks… and then a couple more. It was indeed a good evening and she even danced a lot! Alex just decided to have a break and she was leaving the dance floor when someone grabbed her arm.

 

“No, no, no!” she protested with a smile, slowly turning around to decline the offer. “I am taking a break from dancing… you’ll have to wait till I rest, whoever you are!”

 

“Even I will have to wait?”

 

Alex’s smile dropped and she removed her arm from the man's hold violently.

 

“Don’t talk to me. Can you please just ignore me?”

 

“Oh, come on, Alexandra. I merely wanted to say hi to my ex-wife. Can’t we just be civil?”

 

“Thank you, Ralph, but no thank you.”

 

Alex turned to leave but Ralph grabbed her hand again. She wanted to protest, she did not know what to do! She knew that if he pushed her a little too far she would end up making a scene and that was the last thing she needed. She was so focused on her thoughts that she didn’t realize when he started speaking again, asking her something. 

 

“So? What do you say?” he inquired. 

 

“It doesn’t really matter… really, really… can you just…”

 

Alex startled when a pair of manly arms wrapped themselves around her waist and a pair of soft lips rested with a soft touch on her neck. She turned in a heartbeat to face the person who dared to make such a bold (and stupid) move.

 

“Everything in order, my love?” said a very well-known voice. Ralph looked at her confused, but Alex was no longer facing him. She was staring stunned into the newcomer’s eyes.

 

“Surprise! I decided to fly over for a couple of weeks until the 50th anniversary. I really don’t have anything to do in the UK and I really, really missed you like hell! I just thought you’d be glad for us to spend two quiet weeks together.”

 

“Matt, what are you even…?” she started but her former co-star didn't let her finish and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

 

“What am I even doing here? I just told you. Pay attention! Saw you earlier, but you were having too much fun on the dance-floor, so I just chatted with Kazza for a while. Then I saw him approaching you and I wanted to make sure everything was alright and that you were not bothered by his presence.”

 

“Excuse me?” Ralph said with a grin.

 

Alex turned her attention back to Ralph. Matt placed one arm around her waist, very protective. 

 

“Yes, you are excused. I will take care of her from now on.” Matt said with a very sassy attitude. 

 

“Oh, Alexandra, please tell me you are not dating Matt Smith?” Ralph asked very disapproving. 

 

Alex opened her mouth to reply, but Matt managed to answer the question before she could even gather her thoughts.

 

“Yes, she is. Do you have a problem with that?”

 

“Matt, Matt… calm down, darling. There is no need.” Alex looked at him and attempted a smile.

 

Ralph laughed a little too hard at the pet-name and looked at Alex.

 

“Oh, I see now. I mean I see, but I do not understand. Alex Kingston playing damsel in distress for her extremely young and dashing prince charming. Since when, Alexandra?”

 

Before any of them could say something else, Benedict Cumberbatch appeared out of nowhere and offered his hand to Matt for a shake. Then he greeted Alex and Ralph and the two of them replied politely.

 

“Oh dear. Matt!!! What are you doing here, man?” Benedict exclaimed.

 

“Came as a surprise…” Matt excused himself.

 

“For?” Benedict’s eyes fell on Alex who was feeling more and more uncomfortable under the gaze of the three men. “No? NO! You two??? Don’t tell me!!! Since when?”

 

“A while.” Matt affirmed vaguely.

 

“Does Steven know? The poor soul! He was bitching so much about how he failed to play Cupid for the pair of yous! He told me one day… he really did! Oh, dear, this is hilarious! He told me: ‘Benedict, I don’t know what else I could do with those two! I wrote everything but a sex scene for them to realize how magnetic they are! But they are too blind… Everyone else sees it! On set when they were filming together everyone felt guilty for even being there and intruding their intimacy! I give up… I failed… I failed.’ Steven really said it.” Benedict just burst into laughter and so did Matt.

 

“Did he, now? The Moff is literally the best! Really. And he is always right.” Matt said continuing laughing. Alex’s head was spinning. She had no idea what made her feel worse: Matt’s charade, Benedict's encouragement of Matt's charade, or Ralph’s presence.

 

“My congratulations to you and your other half, Ms. Kingston.” Benedict took her hand and kissed it softly. Alex’s mind was protesting. She could barely hear what was going on around her because her inner alarms were ringing hysterically. The right thing to do was to stop everything there and then. To put everything in order! She was not going through with this. What was Matt even thinking?

 

“Well, thank you very much. So considerate, as always.” She heard her mouth saying without any kind of approval from her brain and conscious.

 

“You are a sweetheart. Mind if I steal Matt for a couple of minutes, I really had to ask him something, and I suppose it’s better if I do it in person rather than on the telephone.”

 

Alex gave her permission with a smile, but Matt was really reluctant to leave her alone with Ralph. But he had no choice, so he went some steps away with Benedict.

 

“Who would have thought? What was the thing I had to say for you to thank me and call me considerate? Ah, I remember. My congratulations to you and your other half, Ms. Kingston.” Ralph imitated Benedict when saying it.

 

“Oh, shut up.” She turned to leave.

 

“Alex Kingston with a cougar tag. Who would have ever guessed?”

 

Alex felt like boiling and turned again to face him. But what could she say? She did not know what to say. She didn't have a punch line no matter how much she wanted to say something mean. She didn’t even have to in the end, because Ralph continued his speech.

 

“Really, Alexandra. I never believed I would reach the day when I would be able, and even entitled, to return your very own speech. What sort of relationship can you expect with a person 20 years younger than you? That is not a normal relationship, Alexandra! Take it from someone who left you for a woman almost 20 years his senior. I did not listen to you when you said it, but oh Alexandra dear, you were so right! You were completely right going on and on and on with your ‘Oh, but the age gap is too big, you don’t realize what you are doing! She might be young now, but when you will be 45, a man still in all your power, she will be 65… she’d be fading already, or worse, she'd be dead. What will you do then? Will she even be able to give you a family? You do not want one now, but what about in 10 years, Ralph? Will she be the family you need then? Won’t you wake up one day and hate every single cell of the woman you once loved?’ You were right, Alexandra. Completely right. I did wake up days in a row hating the woman next to me. She was too old! And it was not just a middle-age crisis! It was a revelation that came too late. And then I did what I knew better… I cheated on her. I could not bring myself to tell her to her face that she was too old, I mean I did love her with all my being for a long period of time. But I simply did not want to be with her anymore… so I cheated on her for years. And she knew… and it broke her. But she also knew that most likely she would never find anyone else because she wasted precious years of her life with a younger man, instead of building a solid and healthy relationship with the right person. Matt will do the same to you! You cannot sustain such a relationship… I am sorry, but you are too old for him, Alexandra.”

 

By the time Ralph closed his mouth, Alex was in tears, not only crying, but sobbing. And people were already starting to notice. Benedict was the first to spot Alex crying and he immediately pointed it out to Matt. In a heartbeat Matt was next to her, dragging her into his arms and trying to calm her down.

 

“What did you do to her???” Matt inquired in a very angry tone.

 

“I didn’t do anything. It’s the truth that upset her.”

 

“You, bastard! Get lost before I really leave that face of yours without a nose!”

 

Ralph laughed hearing Matt’s threat. “Oh really? And how exactly are you going to punch me with your desynchronized limbs?”

 

Before realizing what was happening, Alex saw Matt punching Ralph in the face. She didn’t get to blink twice before Ralph returned the compliment. In less than five seconds the two men were throwing each other all over the place.

 

“STOP! Just STOP! Matt! Ralph! STOP IT!”

 

Alex tried to get in between the two, but Benedict grabbed her by one arm and pulled her aside not to get hurt. Then he positioned himself between Matt and Ralph with his arms stretched, trying to stop them.

 

“Gentlemen! Gentlemen for heaven’s sake! This is not the way in which two Brits in tuxedos solve their problems! ” Benedict tried to persuade them.

 

The two tried to share a couple more punches but they eventually stopped. Matt’s lip was bleeding, and so was Ralph’s nose. Matt pointed angrily to Ralph and then shouted at the top of his voice:

 

“YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER! DON’T YOU DARE TO GET CLOSE TO HER AGAIN! TO MAKE HER CRY… OR I WILL JUST…”

 

“Or you will what?” Ralph asked equally threatening.

 

“Matt, please… just stop it now!!!” Alex was still crying covering her mouth with her right hand. Everyone was watching. A fiasco! A scene! Oh, Lord! A scene was exactly what she feared would happen in the second Ralph approached her. But Matt’s involvement only made it 10 times worse! She knew the press would once again be thrilled on her behalf!

 

Matt looked at her with a very apologetic face, then he put his head down and muttered:

 

“I am sorry, my love…”

 

“We’ll discuss this at home. Take your stuff and let’s leave…”

 

Matt didn’t wait for her to say it twice. He placed a hand on her back very possessively.

 

“Don’t forget one thing, Smith! She was mine before she was yours or anyone else’s for that matter!”

 

Matt turned slowly to face his rival.

 

“Here is where you are so wrong, Fiennes. She is not mine. I am hers. And this is what makes me unstoppable!”


	2. The "afterparty"

Alex did not say a single word during their ride from the party to her place. Because of the tension, Matt felt like going crazy with every second that passed. He could swear that the said tension was literally palpable! All he had to do was to move his hand and he could touch the tension! He dared not look at Alex. The crying stopped before they took the taxi. All the tears had been wiped away and her face no longer betrayed any emotions. There was something so grave in her attitude that made him feel like a child who committed a very, very, very, bad thing and was now about to get grounded for a long period of time… something like, who knows? Forever?!?

 

They arrived at her beautiful house and Alex invited Matt in. She slowly removed her high heels and pointed the living room to him. Matt nodded and walked towards the room.

 

“I will join you in a second. I will just put the kettle to boil.”

 

Matt sat on her sofa and started looking around the room. That room was so Alex. In a different situation he would have smiled analyzing all her decorative objects and pictures, but in that very instant he was utterly terrified about the conversation that was on its way. He waited for her in utter silence. He could hear the ticking of his own heart and it was pure torture. Alex was nonetheless taking her time, because more than 20 minutes passed before she entered the room with a tray with two cups of tea and biscuits. She placed the tray on the table and sat on the floor, across the table, facing Matt and the sofa. She gestured with one hand towards the biscuits inviting Matt to grab one. Matt definitely did not feel like having a biscuit but he took one nonetheless following the command automatically. He looked into her eyes for less than an instant and he suddenly had the certainty that the Last Judgment literally could not be any worse! He could barely swallow the biscuit. 

 

“For heaven’s sake, Matthew Robert Smith! What in the name of sanity happened tonight? What have you done?” Alex asked with a calm but tormented voice.

 

“I am sorry, Alex. I am so sorry…” Matt let his eyes down feeling extremely guilty.

 

“Why are you here, Matt? What are you even doing in LA?” She asked on the same calm tone.

 

“I… I told you.” He said still looking at his feet.

 

“You told a lot of lies tonight. The one about the motives of your visit cannot be any truer than the rest. Can it now?” She inquired.

 

“Truth is…” Matt raised his head and with big sad eyes looked at her. He took a deep breath. He gathered all his strength and adopted a more dignified attitude:

 

“I feel so bad, Alex. Everything is changing! Look at me! I am more than 30… And it was ok for a while. I mean, it really was ok! It felt cool not to be a boy in his 20s anymore. The fact that I was no longer 20ish something gave me hope. It made me feel like I could have a real chance! But what chance can I have now? Doctor Who is over for me… over! And there could be no chance without Doctor Who! Could it? What point is there in being in my 30s if I lost my chance? I sort of entered an age crisis! I am no longer the Doctor… You know, it’s exactly like River said: ‘When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it'll never end. But however hard you try you can't run forever.’ And I had to stop running. I know we’ve discussed it and I know this was indeed the right moment to do it. And I don’t regret it, really Alex, I don’t. And I am mumbling, I know. It’s just… things are changing, and it’s difficult to give up and let go when I know I haven’t tried enough! The UK is suffocating! With the 50th anniversary in less than two weeks everything is about Doctor Who! Wherever you turn you find something related to this… Everything in London made me remember what I was losing! I had to come here! I needed to see the only person that could make me feel better! That one person because of whom no longer being the Doctor feels like a tragedy! And since that person happens to live these days on the other side of the pond… well… I just had to fly over.”

 

Alex felt confused with his speech and she had no idea about what sort of chance and not trying enough he was talking, but the word “pond” resonated in her mind and she just smiled.

 

“Karen.”

 

“What? Karen? No, no! YOU! What has Karen to do with any of these? I was talking about you! Is that so hard to believe?”

 

Alex looked at him with confused eyes. “Me? But… why Matt?”

 

“Why? I just told you… I spoke for five minutes? Weren’t you listening? Heaven! Look, Alex! I am so sorry for what happened at the Awards! I didn’t plan any of it! Believe me! It wasn’t supposed to go that way! I just wanted to see you! Because I could not bear the thought of… losing contact. No Who, no Alex! No… I could not bear the thought of it. How am I supposed to live without you? Even if River comes back in the show, she won't come back to my Doctor! Can't you see? I cannot lose contact with you! I decided to come here because I wanted to spend some time with you. I wanted for us to have fun! Like in the good old days. To ask you out for a coffee and to whine about life… to be silly in order for you to be all sweet and call me ‘darling’. I thought I could show up at the Awards, surprise you! I wanted for us to dance and laugh! I wanted so much to dance with you! But I didn’t want to interrupt you… So I waited for a long while in the shadows just watching you. You were marvelous out there, you know it right? You are always so utterly gorgeous! Absolutely breathless! Always, Alex. Always! And I could not move, I could not even blink because I was so absorbed by your brilliant self and all your grace! I could do only one thing… smile like an idiot while listening to my inner voice repeating: ‘Man, I love that woman!’”

 

Matt ignored Alex’s shocked gasp and continued.

 

“Then I saw you leaving the dance floor and I planned to bring you a glass of wine and to compliment you on your dancing skills. When that ex-husband of yours started following you and when he grabbed your arm my heart stopped!!! I told to myself: ‘You cannot even start competing with that!’ I knew from our many talking nights in Cardiff that you two were ignoring each other. So seeing Ralph approaching you made me think that… maybe you two… you know? Reconnected. But when you startled at the touch, when you jumped aside and looked utterly terrified… I just knew something was wrong! I had to save you!”

 

Alex took a couple of biscuits and stuffed them into her mouth very fast. She needed sugar. When she started speaking her voice was weak.

 

“Matt… I did not need saving. And even if this is untrue, I am not yours to save… Why on Earth would you place the duty on you?”

 

“It felt right…” Matt looked down once again.

 

“Why that big fat lie? You could have just said hi and take me away from there.”

 

“Well… I suppose. But I wanted to make him jealous, to make him realize what he lost and what a stupid bastard loser he was.”

 

Alex rolled her eyes, but blushed. “Matt. It’s been years. He really does not care about what or whom I am doing. Were you even walking and talking when he dumped me?” She said with a flirty chuckle.

 

“Oi, rude Kingston. Rude! I was a teenager, for your record! And I set a lot of pictures with him on fire for you, if you really want to know! I started hating him with all my heart and I could not stand him ever since! I burnt his stupid face! I revenged you.” Matt took the cup to his lips and sipped from the warm tea looking at her.

 

“Matt that is so cute. Flattered, but again, not yours to revenge…”

 

“Come on! Stop this!’ Matt put the cup back on the table feeling quite angry.

 

“Are you really going to completely ignore the fact that I expressed my feelings for you here? I said it, and in case you missed it, I will repeat it: I love you! This is why you were mine to revenge and mine to save! At least in my mind! And for your record, Ralph turned jealous! Very much so! We got into a fight if you remember! For you! We jumped at each other’s throats for you, Alex! No man gets into a fight for a woman he does not care about. And that line at the end proved it!!! He still thinks he owns you! That bastard! In his mind you are still his property and this is the reason why he thought it alright for him to approach you in the way he did. Maybe he even thought you’d go home with him! All in love at his feet… Stupid asshole! Give me some credit, will you? I punched Voldemort in the nose for you! I even made him bleed.”

 

“Oh! Your lip! I completely forgot about it. Are you ok?”

 

“Changing the subject again... but finally she asks, after she forced boiled tea on me! Thanks woman!” Matt said on a sassy voice. 

 

Alex just laughed out loud. “I am so sorry. Do you want some ice, maybe?”

 

“No. It’s ok. I am a real man! I sucked on my lip during the extremely uncomfortable taxi ride. Drank all my blood, licked my wounds, healed myself!” His sassy attitude turned all dramatic and manly. 

 

Alex continued laughing for a couple of seconds and then she stopped. She did not know what to say to him. She did not want to address his opinion on Ralph and she most definitely did not want to acknowledge his confession. So she decided to remain silent.

 

They stayed in utter and uncomfortable silence for some minutes until Matt could no longer take it. She was not going to ignore him! She had all rights and reasons not to share his feelings. But he wanted to hear a loud and clear refusal! She owed him at least that!

 

“I love you, Alex. I might have lied about us being together, but the reasons behind that lie are nonetheless true. And what I said at the end is also true. You really own me, mind and soul… take it or leave it, your choice. But you do owe me. I love…”

 

“Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.” Alex covered her ears with her hands. “Don’t say it. Don’t say that. That is so wrong, Matt. So wrong!” 

 

“Wrong? Why?”

 

“20 bloody years! We cannot be a couple. You will have to clean the mess you created. Can you fake dump me?” Alex said on a high pitched voice. 

 

“That’s it? The age gap?” Matt laughed and his face became extremely excited. “The age gap is irrelevant. So, can we be a couple now?”

 

“Are you insane? The age gap matters! Any feelings you and I might have are just delusions! Can you fake dump me?” Alex's eyes started moving very fast in their orbits as if she tried to find a solution to her problem inside her head.  

 

“So you also have some sort of feelings for me!!!” Matt insisted still smiling with all his face.

 

“MATT! FAKE DUMP ME, ALREADY!”

 

“Definitely NOT! I would never do something like that! I cannot see any valid reason for which any man in this world would do something stupid like that.” he revolted. “You dump me! Heaven, you’re so sexy when hysterical.”

 

“Matt. It’s your mess. And I am not hysterical!” Alex complained on the same hysterical tone.

 

“You are slightly hysterical. But why do you insists so much on me doing it??? Do you mean it when you say you want me to clean _my_ mess or you simply do not want to be the one ending our chance to happiness?” He winked at her and Alex could not hold back a big smile.

 

“HA!!!! You smiled!” Matt exclaimed. He stood up very quickly. Alex did the same when she saw him.

 

“What are you doing, Matt?” She knew what he was about to do. She felt it! Her stomach felt it!

 

Matt suddenly climbed the little table between them, getting on her side of the room and pulled her into his arms.

 

“No. Stop it. Don’t be stupid! Matthew!!!”

 

Matt did not listen to her protests and pressed his lips on hers starting kissing her and trying to slide his tongue through her teeth. As much as she tried to stop herself, her mouth replied to the kiss for several too short instants.

 

“I love you! I love you! I love you!” He stopped and looked at her utterly terrified face. He laughed because he could see her battling inside. He stepped aside.

 

“Apologies, my fair lady. I am apologizing just because it is the nice thing to do. And because, as Benedict would say, a gentleman in tuxedo does not force kiss a lady. But I am not sorry for what I have just done." 

 

Matt waited for a while but she did not manage to pull herself together. She remained completely silent and petrified. 

 

‘I should go to sleep… I have a room at a hotel here. I can give you the name and the chamber number if you want to join me later…”

 

“No… no.” She managed to mutter.

 

“Fine, then I will not give you the name of the hotel and the number of my chamber…”

 

“You cannot. I mean… you cannot leave now. There must be paparazzi outside. Take the guest room…” 

 

“So you want me to stay!!! Ha. The guest room you say? Are you sure?” He inquired with a naughty smile.

 

“Yes, I am sure.” She replied trying to sound calm and composed.

 

“No. What I meant... are you sure you want me to take the guest room. I guess we could both fit in your bedroom.”

 

Alex blushed. Not only that she blushed, she turned several shades more red!!!''

 

“Don’t push it.” She said trying desperately to hide a smile.

 

“Oh, but I will push it Alex! Because you blushed. Because you blushed and because you changed your attitude so many times tonight! You were very mad at me when we arrived, you played the responsible adult very well, and I felt indeed guilty. Lesson learnt. But I managed to gather my courage and to pour my soul into your hands… And then you couldn't be angry with me anymore. You tried to ignore me and my feelings... But I can see you can no longer do it. I told you I loved you and you are confused! Just because you tried not to hear it does not make it any less true!!! You don’t know how to act and how to react! You knew we had some sort of connection, but most probably you thought we could solve everything with a good shag. But me loving you complicates everything, isn't it? And now you don’t know what to do with the butterflies in your belly. You’re inconsistent in your speech, in your body language… in everything! Your mouth might say otherwise, but I have seen in your eyes the only approval I need. And I will seize my chance! You need guidance to take the right decision and sure as hell I will be here to remind you that you are loved and that someone wants to be with you .”

 

“You’re playing with fire!!!” Alex said with shinning eyes and a racing heart.

 

“I’d better be.”

 

“Since when do you have so much blood in your system?” 

 

“Since I finally understood the true meaning of my father’s relationship advice!”

 

“And what would that be?” 

 

“Oh, I won’t tell you for now! But no worries. I will start acting according to that advice very soon...” Matt winked at her.


	3. Stop it right there!!!

When Matt woke up the next morning he could smell the amazing aroma of coffee. He followed it to the kitchen where Alex was on the phone with Karen, trying to explain to her that NO, she definitely was not in a relationship with Matt and most definitely did not want to check the papers.

 

“Oh, he’s up! Matthew, please talk some sense into Karen.”

 

Matt rolled his eyes and grabbed the phone:

 

“Morning Kaz. No… it didn’t go as well as I would have wanted to.” Matt nodded. “Yes, I did tell her how I felt about her. No… still nothing.”

 

Matt made a sad puppy face and looked at Alex. She looked at him very confused. Matt pulled his tongue out at her and she replied with the same gesture. He started laughing.

 

“But I still think that I might have a chance… It’s just that this amazing woman who is standing in front of me is a work of art! And I have to struggle a bit more, but the satisfaction at the end of the journey will be million times greater. I should come later to take my suitcase… Sure. Do you still want to talk to Alex? No? Ok… See you later. Bye-bye.”

 

Matt slowly put the mobile phone on the table.

 

“Morning.”

 

“Did Karen know about all this?”

 

“All this meaning my crazy idea of coming to express my feelings? Of course she knew. Did you sleep well? I dreamt about you last night, but I am not sure if it’s appropriate to mention how...”

 

“Matthew!!!”

 

“Alexandra?” He said with a grin and started walking towards her.

 

“Stop it right there!”

 

He pretended not to hear her and stopped only when he was less than 20 centimeters away from her. He stared into her eyes and then smiled. He leaned towards her. Alex wanted to move but her body did not seem to respond to her desire. (Or actually, her body froze especially because it was responding to her desire!) Matt stopped millimeters away from her mouth. He licked his lips and could see her swallowing. He smiled again, moved quickly to her left and pressed his lips on her cheek!

 

Alex started blinking as if shocked and disappointed. Matt looked at her, read her body language and felt amused. He took the coffee mug from her hands making her startle.

 

“Thank you for the coffee.” Matt turned around and pulled a chair from the table.

 

“That was actually mine… Never mind. Have it if you want it.” Alex said rolling her eyes.

 

“So, did you dream about me too?”

 

Alex felt like blushing so she turned away pretending to make another coffee. “Matt… please. I am completely sober. Can you at least be less obvious while hitting on me?”

 

“And where would be the fun in that?”

 

“Matt…” She protested on a tormented voice. Gosh, he was driving her insane!

 

“So, what do you want us to do this week?”

 

“What?”

 

“I will be here for one week or so. Vacation before the 50th anniversary. Remember?”

 

“Ah, yes. Well, vacation should be good for you and it is more than obvious that you need one. However, we are not doing anything together. I will not fake a relationship for the sake of the press! I talked with my agent this morning. He suggested us to go have lunch at an exposed restaurant, have a sort of fight and break-up. The break-up should be fairly obvious from our body language. He will inform some paparazzi…”

 

“Ok.” Matt said smiling sipping from his coffee.

 

“Ok?” Now she was disappointed. “Did you hear what I said?”

 

“Perfectly clear! We’re having a date!” He winked at her.

 

Alex’s jaw dropped! She looked so irritated, but in a good way. Matt started chuckling at her reaction. Oh, he was going to crack her!

 

_Women are mysterious beings. Their souls are complex and their minds complicated. The biggest problem is that these two parts are not always eager to cooperate. The women think something, they say it… but they actually mean a whole different thing! Be careful about what a woman needs, and especially be careful about what a woman doesn’t know she needs. Listen to your heart, mind, and instincts, because for us guys, these parts of our being are cooperating! Listen to all of them and figure out what your woman needs. My son, be what a woman needs in every and any situation! Be exactly, absolutely exactly, what a woman needs the most when she is unaware of needing something! And then you will win._

 

Matt smiled remembering his father’s advice. He knew he had to take everything step by step if he wanted to win Alex’s heart. His instincts were telling him that what Alex needed first was to be surprised, to be shocked. He’s always been very thoughtful and considerate around her, acting like a proper gentleman… well, a clumsy and ridiculous one, but nonetheless a proper gentleman. But that was the way in which most guys were treating her. Thus, what Alex needed was an exception. What he had to do as a first step was to be the exception to every rule or norm Alex considered herself to be following. She thought their problem was that she was more mature, older? Well then, he would act silly and treat her as a schoolgirl! She took herself very seriously and thought she was out of his league? No worries, he would drag her down to his level! Maybe, just maybe… step one would work and he would get the chance to figure out what step two meant.

 

“It’s not a date! Matt… I am being serious here.” She rolled her eyes again.

 

“So am I. By the way, you look so sexy from this angle.”

 

Alex started pouring sugar in her coffee. She needed sugar! Desperately needed sugar… well, not sugar, but sugar would have to do!

 

“Stop acting like a cheesy boy-band boy!” She accused him.

 

 _“Baby you light up my world like nobody else! The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed!!! But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell, you don't know… Oh, oh! You don't know you're beautiful”_ Matt started singing dancing on the chair occasionally sipping from his coffee.

 

Alex put her mug back on the counter and grabbed her face into her hands. She could not help it anymore! She burst into crazy laughter. She did not want to really, but she could not help it. He was so ridiculously hilarious! He made her feel so young.

 

Matt pulled his phone from his pocket, went on Youtube and played the song. He then stood-up and went to her, grabbed her hand and spun her around very quickly.

 

“Dance!”

 

“Matt! Stop it right there!”

 

 _“I don’t know why you’re being shy!”_ Matt continued singing along.

 

“Matthew Robert!!! You embarrass me!!!” Alex turned instantly extremely red. “What sort of music is this??? Not even my daughter listens to this!”

 

“Move Kingston! I saw yesterday that you can indeed dance!”

 

“Yes. On proper and classy music!”

 

“Well, I am not Clooney. I am not classy.”

 

“Oh, Gosh. I did not say that…” She excused herself.

 

“Indeed you didn’t.” Matt continued spinning her and forcing her to move around the kitchen until she actually started dancing and bouncing with him.

 

Their two minutes party was going on very well, but Matt tripped at some point and fell on his butt.

 

Alex got scared for a couple of seconds, but when she saw he was actually alright she started laughing so hard that she could no longer stand. She had to sit on her knees on the floor, looking at him and laughing like crazy while pressing her palms to her mouth. Seeing her laughing like that melted Matt’s heart.

 

“I will not give up. You know?” He said when she was starting to calm down.

 

“You eventually will, because it’s never going to happen.”

 

“Oh, Alex. Let me tell you one thing. You are an oyster. You have this incredibly fancy shell… Oh my heavens! So beautiful shell. Quite flawless! You look at that precious shell and you really do not need more than that. One could spend a lifetime getting to know the shell and not getting bored because it has a whole personality of its own. But it takes a really good eye to figure out that there is more about you than just that shell. The more you look, the more you get the idea that this shell is nothing but a defense mechanism. And then you see it! There is a crack in the shell! With just enough effort that crack can be opened… and there you find the real treasure! A pearl.”

 

“Cheesy!” Alex said with an attempted ironic look in her eyes, but she blushed. Matt started crawling towards her. When he got close enough he grabbed her face into his hands and looked into her eyes.

 

“As cheesy as it sounds, it’s nothing but the truth!”

 

Alex’s heart was beating like crazy. Matt was again so close to her. Her head in his hands, his lips millimeters away from hers. He was on purpose having them slightly parted and deeply breathing in and out. Alex rolled her eyes in a sensual manner. Matt’s fingers moved down her cheeks and her neck, barely touching her… his fingers were leaving tickling trails getting her insane. She moved closer to him, seeking his lips, but he pulled back several centimeters! Alex painfully gasped at the departure of his mouth, but at least his hands were still holding her face and neck.

 

“I could bloody kiss you, Kingston! Hell knows I want it more than anything. Press my lips on yours. Lick them slowly before sliding my tongue through them in order to meet you. I want my tongue to play with yours, dancing in circles until your head spins.” Matt could hear her moan and smiled. “I could bloody kiss you… but I will not. You know why?” He stood up in one second completely breaking the contact. He petted her on her head as the Doctor often did to Amy. “I won’t do it because you want it at least as much as I do, and I will let you crave for it until you’re going to starve and you’ll come begging…”

 

Alex looked up at him. She was still on her knees on the kitchens floor. Matt looked down at her with a dominating look.

 

“And please, Alex, for the sake of sanity, don’t make me talk about making you beg while you’re on your knees in front of me. It might get me some unholy ideas…” He touched her lips with two fingers. Alex pulled her tongued out and licked them involuntarily. Matt smiled. His eyes were also boiling.

 

“Ok. I’ll go to Karen’s hotel room to get my suitcase and get ready for our not-date lunch. Bye!”

 

Alex shook her head because she could not understand what just happened. She stood up and went to lock the door after him. She was shaking.

 

Her body was betraying her.

 

Story of her life!

 

Alex rolled her eyes. She thought about eating some chocolate, but what the hell. Sugar could not help. She had to get in the shower as soon as possible!

 


	4. A Tom and Jerry Story

Alex looked around. She was still utterly naked, except from the towel that was wrapped around her hair. Her bedroom was a mess! She had nothing to wear! Nothing! She looked at the pile of clothes that laid on the floor and bed. Nothing was good enough… they were all so boring!

 

She scanned everything again with one look. Actually she had something… but no, she couldn’t… well, she could, but she shouldn’t… Alex looked at her half empty wardrobe. She could see a purple plastic bag somewhere on the top shelf.

 

Why did she even care? No! She did not. Pff, ridiculous thought. Definitely not dressing up for Matt Smith. She would just grab something. Anything could do!

 

But no… no…she could not just grab something. There will be pictures and paparazzi. She definitely did not care about Matt, all she cared about were the pictures that would appear in the press. She cared about her image. Really! Only about her image. She was an actress and it was normal for her to care about her image.

 

Alex rolled her eyes. She could not believe that she was doing it! She got on her tiptoes to be a bit taller and grabbed the purple plastic bag.

 

Around 2 p.m. he was at the door. She could hear the doorbell. Alex took a deep breath and went to open for him.

 

The first thing she saw was Matt’s grin. But when his eyes processed the picture in front of him, his jaw physically dropped. He was unable to move for what seemed to be ages!

 

“Matt?”

 

Matt shook his head. “Sorry, what?”

 

“I asked you to come in. So please… do come in!” She said on a sassy voice.

 

Matt entered the house still unable to take his eyes off her.

 

“You look… pff!” He scanned her with his eyes from head to toes and back again. Several times!

 

“Pff?” She inquired.

 

“No… no. You don’t look ‘pff’. That was the interjection I used to express my inability of expressing in proper words the way in which you look... Because, my love! You look damn hot! Give me a twirl.”

 

Alex laughed and did as told. She was on high-heels. Some sort of black ankle rock-boots with laces. Her black boots were smoothly melting into her fitted black leggings. On top of the leggings she had a sort of orange and blue pullover-dress, extremely modern. It looked in a way like a poncho which, from below the elbow, ended in sleeves. The pullover was no longer than 5 cm below her amazing bottom. So teasingly short! The way in which her make-up was done and her matching lip-gloss were making her curls glow.

 

“You look… amazing. This is quite so… different! Amazing. Don’t get me wrong. I adore it… but that’s so… different. In the best kind of ways! The knitted pullover-dress is so Kazza.”

 

“Well… yes, it is Karen’s. Well it was supposed to be, anyway. I bought it for her birthday. As a present. Since these modern loose hipster clothes have no notion of size, I just thought… why are you smiling? Drop the stupid grin!”

 

Matt’s smile became wider with every second. “Why are you smiling? Stop it! Fine!!! I will go and change… this is stupid!!! Embarrassing… ah heaven!” Alex turned on her heels to leave. She felt so angry.

 

“NO!” Matt grabbed her hand and pulled her back. “Come on, I’m starving. Get your bag… and the sunglasses. They’re cool!”

 

“Stop it! I’m gonna change!” Alex pulled away.

 

“No! Keys, glasses, bag, out. Now!”

 

“I am not going to wear glasses in November!!!” She protested.

 

“It’s California!!! Not Cardiff. It's so sunny outside! Don't be prejudiced. It doesn't matter it's November. I have glasses… look, they are hanged on my t-shirt. See?”

 

“You are just mocking me! And I feel ridiculous!!!” Alex covered her face with her hands.

 

Matt closed the distance between them and removed her hands from her face.

 

“Sweetheart, I am not mocking you. I am smiling because you are such a child, Kingston! You play hard to get, but as soon as I leave you go and get insane about finding the perfect outfit for our not-date. Can I go to inspect your room? I bet it’s such a mess right now. Clothes everywhere! Am I right? You liked nothing… you wanted something new, fit for the occasion. Because that’s what you girls do! And it’s adorable! I suppose that since you could not go shopping, you remembered a previous shopping experience. And it is perfect! Modern, crazy… hipsterish, as you put it. You wanted to match your style with mine and this is melting my heart… and don’t you dare to lie to me! Because you are as red now as a girl who’s about to be kissed for the first time in her life!”

 

“It was for the paparazzi and the pictures! And I am red because it's so hot in the house!!! Don’t flatter yourself!!!”

 

“Sure!”

 

He pressed his lips on hers passionately. She didn’t respond to his kiss, suddenly being extremely furious at herself and even more furious at him! She was stupid, but he was annoying! And ridiculous! And even more annoying! Matt pulled back and looked at her with dominating eyes.

 

“Open your mouth, Alex! Let me kiss you properly!” He commanded.

 

“No!” Alex pulled away.

 

“Fine!!! Keys, glasses, bag, out. NOW!” Matt pointed to the door.

 

“FINE!” Alex did as told putting her glasses on and storming out the door with an annoyed attitude.

 

They did not talk at all during the car ride. Matt, who rented a nice car, was driving. He played loud music and sang along, while Alex stayed with her arms crossed and pretended to be grumpy.

 

“We’re here.” Matt announced parking the car.

 

“Where are we?”'

 

“A restaurant with big windows to ease the job of your on-demand paparazzi?”

 

“So considerate!” She replied sarcastically getting out of the car.

 

“I know, right?” He winked at her and locked the car.

 

He placed an arm across her shoulders leaning on her as they started walking towards the restaurant’s entrance.

 

“The hell are you doing, Matt?”

 

“Holding hands is overrated. This is how teenagers like you walk on the street these days.” He laughed.

 

She pushed him away. “I am not a... Oh, shut up!”

 

“Am I way too old for you, now?”

 

“What???” She frowned, which he obviously did not see because of her glasses.

 

“If I let my beard grow, I’ll look so much older than you.” Matt opened the restaurant door for her.

 

“Oh, sweetie. So deluded! That baby face of yours cannot grow a beard.” She snapped.

 

“Does your rudeness have any limits?” He grinned.

 

“Oh, but I haven’t even started! I can dance in circles with you all night.”

 

“Matt Smith.” He said as the waiter asked for their reservation. “Oh, I cannot wait for that. Too bad you’re going to break me up…”

 

“If you don’t shut up, I will hit you!” She warned him.

 

Matt laughed. He adored her. He could not express in words how much he loved her!

 

They sat down and started browsing the menu. Matt was sneakily looking at her while pretending to think about his lunch options. Alex, on the other hand was extremely focused, as if her entire future depended on her dish choice. He smiled because he knew Alex well enough to be aware of the fact that it was going to take a while before they could order.

 

“I decided!” She declared several minutes later quite pleased with herself. “I will have bruschetta as starters and Viennese schnitzel with smashed potatoes as main dish… What???”

 

Matt was frowning. “Nothing… that’s just the… hm, classiest choice I have heard in a while.” He teased.

 

“Well, I am not Clooney. I am not classy!” She imitated him.

 

After they ordered, Matt raised his wine glass smiling and proposed: “Truce?”

 

She smiled back raising her glass as well. “But I was having so much fun…”

 

“I know… but it gets me damn horny.”

 

“Matthew. Robert. Smith!!! Language!”

 

“Apologies. Told you I am in some sort of age crisis…” He excused himself.

 

“I was so caught in this Tom and Jerry story that I completely forgot what you said yesterday. You came to LA to talk to me, because you feel under the moon. What is wrong, Matt, darling?”

 

“Ah… well. There is really nothing much to add to what I told you yesterday. There are days when I am so sad that I feel like staying in bed and not eating, not doing anything. But… nothing is actually wrong with my life. I should not be depressed. And I am not really depressed. But things are changing and things are ending. And I don’t like it. I really don’t like it. I mean, I do want to move forward, but could the other things just… not change?”

 

Alex chuckled. “Oh, darling… didn’t you learn anything from the Doctor? Everything's got to end sometime. Otherwise nothing would ever get started. Change is not pleasant, it’s not easy. But it may be good. We cannot evolve unless we let go of some stuff that are dragging us behind.”

 

“I ‘spose…” He smiled reluctantly. The starters were coming and they looked delicious.

 

Alex kept on smiling while she started eating her bruschetta. “Look at the Earth. Look at the cities we are living in. Let’s take London, because we know and love London. What can you see when you look at London?”

 

“Ahm… I see a city? I am not sure I know where you’re getting at…”

 

“Yes, you see a city, but a city where the Tower of London faces the Shard! Don’t you find that wicked? There are some things you should absolutely never let go of… like that creepy but majestic Tower of London. But there are some other things that have to be sacrificed in order to make space for something new, like the Shard. Just like the Earth, our minds and our souls are not infinite. Or maybe they are but we cannot perceive them as infinite because we would just explode! All you have to do is figure out what you should keep and what you should let go of... “

 

“Did you?” He asked bluntly.

 

“Did I what?” She asked confused.

 

“Did you figure out what to keep and what to shed? Did you let go of the things that are dragging you down? Did you make space for something new?”

 

“I did make some space, yes…” She replied somewhat reluctantly.

 

“Is that ‘some space’ enough? Because I am trying to build a skyscraper here and I cannot find fertile ground!” Matt complained.

 

“We were talking about you. Why are you shifting the conversation in my direction again?”

 

“Because I am well aware where my problems are coming from. What, or actually who, is the root of all evil! I am afraid of letting go of Who because of you. Because I do not want to lose you and Doctor Who is all we have in common. I know I said it yesterday as well, but I am not afraid to repeat it. I laid my cards… what is point in denying the truth that is in front of you?”

 

They had to wait for the waiter who brought their main courses to leave again. Then Alex smiled and prepared herself to reply to him.

 

“Matt, if we’re to keep on talking in metaphors, it’s not that I do not have space. But there is not enough space for something as daring as a skyscraper! Some cities are simply not supposed to have skyscrapers. I am not saying that they should stay stuck in the middle ages. They definitely should get some modern fancy glass buildings. But not a skyscraper!!! That’s just too much. Maybe something smaller… no more than a 10 floors glass building, really. Anything else would be way too much.”

 

“That is rubbish! Who says that some cities cannot have skyscrapers? That’s insane! I hate discrimination. ” Matt protested.

 

“It’s not discrimination. Common sense says some cities cannot have skyscrapers. Good taste reinforces it! You are London. You should have countless skyscrapers. It would be so wrong not to! It would be the death of your development! But I am like a German town. You would never expect a small German town to have skyscrapers! That would be ridiculous.”

 

“You completely lost me in architectural metaphors! But if I got it right, what you are saying is that you do not deserve opportunities as big in life as I do?”

 

“Well… yes and no, but pretty much, yes.” Alex nodded.

 

“That is so wrong! You got it all wrong, silly! It’s completely the other way round. You are a skyscraper too daring for me to have! And I still want it despite of common sense and good taste! I am merely a lame 10 floors glass building for you… when you deserve a full scale cosmos-scraper!”

 

“There is no such thing as a cosmos-scraper!” Alex felt compelled to speak just because her heart started racing.

 

“Don’t fool me with rubbish like that. You think you are not good enough for me, but that is for me to decide! And I say that you are way over everything I deserve in life! Well, you do have all reasons to think I am nothing, that you deserve more, way more. Fair point. I cannot argue with that. But just tell it to my face. Tell me that I am not good enough for you! You owe me at least this…” Matt looked into her eyes. He was very serious and he was telling her those words from the bottom of his heart.

 

“Will you stop if I tell you this?” She looked at him but his serious eyes drove hers away. She spotted a couple of photographers with the peripheral sight.

 

“Yes, if you really mean it, Kingston.”

 

“Well, I mean it.” She said faking a smile and looking back at him.

 

Matt smiled too, genuinely, because he also noticed the photographers not far from where they were sitting. They were already taking pictures through the wall of windows.

 

“So close, I almost believed it. But, oh look! Some cameras. Are those part of the scandal your agent ordered?” Matt teased.

 

“Yes, I suppose you can put it that way.” Alex rolled her eyes.

 

“So I suppose we will postpone the real conversation we were having and go back to the Tom and Jerry story, as you put it.” He sounded disappointed.

 

“It’s not like that…” She tried to figure something to say but she couldn’t. Matt fluttered his hand about.

 

“It’s ok.” Matt reassured her with a smile. “You’re too immature for having a real conversation… Gosh, I promised myself that I would stop dating girls in their teen years, but I never learn!”

 

She rolled her eyes and pulled her tongue out at him.

 

“So is this your way of breaking me up? By telling me I am not good enough… Mean, Kingston, mean. Told you: you are incredibly rude. I could totally cry. I think I should cry. What do you think? Would your agent like that?” Matt sipped a bit from his wine glass teasing her with his eyes.

 

Alex was trying to hold back her smiles. She also took her wine glass up to her lips. She decided not to respond to his provoking attitude. Alex was still looking at him when she noticed that Matt’s eyes slowly became full of tears.

 

“Oh, Alex… what did I ever do to you! You’re tearing me apart! You are so mean…”

 

Alex put her glass down and gave him an annoyed look.

 

“Matt, stop that. I am going to burst out into laughter, you ridiculous man!”

 

“Can you even imagine how that would look, though? Best headlines for all tabloids! ‘Heartless Alex Kingston laughs while Matt Smith cries following their break-up’! Badabumtz!”

 

Alex starts laughing. “Stop it. You are ruining everything! I could start crying and then it would be you trashed in the media!”

 

“Neh, you don’t want to cry. I would stand up and come to kiss and hug you! Then everyone would think you were crying because of what your stupid ex-husband did and that I am the most perfect boyfriend in the whole time and space!” Matt gave her an evil smile.

 

“You, mister, are such a cheater!”

 

“Thank you, my lady!” He put a hand on his chest pretending to be very flattered.

 

“I have a plan. I will just storm out and let you do all the explaining!” Now, it was her turn to smile evilly.

 

“So generous! Did you think it through a lot?” He teased.

 

“Yes, darling. For some full 10 seconds!” She teased back.

 

“Ok. Sounds like a solid plan, then. Off you pop! I will look hurt. I can even turn and stare at the photographer so that he could capture my face. Perfect profile for the first pages. Will that do?” Matt was still smiling.

 

“But I didn’t eat my desert yet.” Alex complained.

 

“What would be the point of that? You dumping me is the only desert you get today. Come on! Stand up and leave. Do it!”

 

Alex rolled her eyes. She didn’t want to leave! She was having so much fun. She felt more relaxed and happier than she’d felt in ages. She didn’t want to go!

 

“Do it!” Matt looked at her with a very angry attitude. “I am pretending to be angry so that they would think I am shouting at you. You should look angry as well.”

 

“Oh, I hate you!!!”

 

“Good! Say it louder. Give me some attitude.”

 

Alex stood up. She grabbed her bag very quickly and pulled her wallet out. She took some bills and threw them on the table.

 

“Amazing love. You’ll get the part for sure. Very dramatic and so charismatic! But you will have to work a bit on controlling your emotions. You are about to crack into laughter. That is not good. Pull yourself together woman! This is a public break-up. You have to be very categorical!” Matt winked and grinned.

 

“Please stop with the grin. No one will believe us!” She complained.

 

“I surely hope so, because I am counting on their common sense since yours is missing completely.”

 

“Matt, seriously. This cannot work… we’re laughing and joking, but I don’t want you to continue trying. We cannot work as a couple. So please. Can this be goodbye until we come back to friendlier feelings?”

 

Matt narrowed his eyes. “Are you still acting? Because you cannot be serious.”

 

“I am not acting, no. I thought about it really well. I won’t come to the 50th anniversary. There is no reason for us to meet until we can meet on better terms.”

 

Alex turned and wanted to leave but Matt grabbed her hand forcing her to turn around.

 

“Tell me you’re joking! Because if you are not, this is not funny! I am sorry I got it so terribly wrong at the awards. But I know this attitude of yours is not my fault! I have no idea what that bastard told you. Because whatever it was, trust me, it is not true! That is just the Devil whispering into your ear! Stop listening to his poison or your soul will be damned! How on earth can his venomous words reach your heart and my loving ones hit a wall?!? Don’t listen to him, my love… not all men who get close to you are trying to hurt you. I am here because I want to be here… and I will not stop. I will try whatever it takes! I will be whatever you want, or whatever gives you confidence and comfort. Don’t you for one second believe that I will accept your ‘I am not coming to the 50th anniversary’ nonsense! Because I will blow up your phone until you bloody answer and confirm your attendance or you reply to my texts. I tried to treat you as a teenager to show you that you are still young and radiant, but for heaven sake woman… don’t take this role so seriously! Tell me you’re joking or I will not let you leave!”

 

Alex removed her hand violently. “Mind your place, Matthew! No, I am not joking! And the only deluded child here is you! Please go back to England! Don’t make me lock myself into the house!”

 

Alex left in a rush and he followed her with his eyes until she exited the restaurant and stopped a taxi. Matt left his head fall on the table and banged it on the wood a couple of times.

 

“Great Matthew. Great! Just brilliant. Now what?”

 


	5. A shoulder to cry on...

Alex did not realize she was crying until she entered her bedroom and she saw her face in the mirrors covering the wardrobe's doors. She moved one hand to her cheeks slightly surprised to feel them so wet. Why was she crying?

 

_~ Argh… maybe because you are a loser and you messed up everything? Again! That being the key word. A.g.a.i.n! ~_

 

Alex rolled her eyes at the voice inside her head. That voice was the last thing on Earth she wanted to hear in any bad situation! And annoyingly enough it was the first thing to hear in every bad situation!

 

She decided to ignore it for as long as possible and looked around: her bedroom was a mess! Half of her clothes were out of the wardrobe being either on the floor or on the bed. Everything reminded her of the lunch with Matt. She stood there, in the middle of the room analyzing it. Her eyes fell again on the mirrors. Oh, the mirrors! They were actually making the room look messier than it was in reality. Mirrors, mirrors on the wall... She captured her reflection… and stood there. Just stood there. 

 

Alex took a deep breath and looked at herself in the mirrors. She smiled and put one hand on her waist posing for several seconds. Actually, she looked good! She could easily pull an “I am not older than thirtyish something” attitude. Yes, she could! Alex passed the other hand through her curls and messed them around to see them bounce. She pulled her tongue out at her reflection and chucked. She could! She totally could be young for him! Couldn't she? Her smile dropped and she felt a knot in her belly.

 

_~ Deluded… poor thing! ~_

 

Alex crossed her arms to her chest. What was she thinking? She felt like a complete fool! A complete fool because Matt was right. Matt was completely right! Deep down, the stupid “pearl”, as he called it, was yearning for love, for someone… for him!

 

Alex shook her head, took off her knitted pullover dress and threw it on the floor. No! No! And again NO! She had to suppress the desire, the feelings, the falling in love… She had to do so before it was too late! She had to do so because Ralph was also right... Ralph was right! Ralph was more than right… She and Matt, they could not be... Ralph was right... And Ralph being right was never a good thing! Ralph being right was a recipe for disaster.

 

_~ Just to mention that you are crying again. ~_

 

“Shut up! Why do I have to live with you?!? Who cursed me with you?” She replied with a thought to the voice inside her head.

 

_~ Oh well, you do not have to live with me! And if anything, you cursed yourself. ~_

 

“What do you mean that I cursed myself?”

 

Alex started cleaning her bed because she wanted to lay down and sleep for ages! She started throwing on the floor all the things that were on the bed. She’d deal with them later. Thanks God that Salome was not at home! Alex was always telling the poor child not to move her clothes from one place to another, because it was so much easier to put them back in the wardrobe!!! Why do a job twice when you could get done with it in one go? True. But just this time, Alex was going to ignore her own advice.

 

_~ Once you wake up, if I allow you to sleep, I’ll make you feel guilty for what you’re doing with the clothes. Just saying! ~_

 

“Oh, you think I don’t know it? I asked what you meant by saying that I cursed myself! Can you for once reply to my questions? You're tormenting my brain with all your bullying but you never reply to my questions!!!”

 

_~ You really are stupid, aren’t you? You are so terribly stupid! If you weren’t stupid, you’d be able to realize that I am not real. Buhuhu! I am just in your head! I am saying only the things you want to hear! I am not bullying you! I am speaking nothing but the truth, or what you consider the truth to be! You are indeed stupid! And useless and worthless. Shall I go on? I am saying out loud… well, when I say out loud, I mean out loud in your head! I am saying out loud only what you think about yourself. Simple as that. I can also be nice… very nice. Really. I could compliment you on your amazing curls and curves! Roar. Those curves! You can do it! Jump on him, you girl! You are still young, seriously! Mature! Mature is sexy and sensual! Mature is not old! It's different... Mature is good! You are a great actress, your career is again on the rise. You are an amazing mother and you can be an amazing girlfriend. Matt wants you… give the guy a chance. Give yourself a chance! You can do it! ~_

 

Alex smiled. Then she frowned again.

 

_~ But you are stupid and you don’t want to hear nice and positive things. No. No. No. The only things you want to hear are the negative ones. You want to hear that you are stupid, old, ugly, worthless… wait. I should have other nasty words in my repertoire. Ah? You’re a mess? Yes. You like to hear this. This is one of your favourites. So here. I spell it out for you! You are a mess! A complete mess! You are going to ruin Matt’s life! He is going to hate you in the end. Everyone hates you in the end! I mean come on! You could not sustain a decent relationship at any given point in your life. You are not enough for yourself! How could you be enough for someone else? ~_

“You can shut up now! Thank you.” Alex crawled into bed.

 

_~ Never in a thousand years! I want to make you feel something. And the nice words don’t work on you. They hit a wall! The venomous words, on the other hand… oh, they find such a cozy nest in your heart. Wait a minute! I’ve heard this somewhere else… hm… someone else said it first? Who might that person be? Hm? Maybe the guy whose feeling you’re playing with? Oh yes, the guy who told you he loved you… WOW! Now isn’t that wicked? Why would anyone love you? You do not deserve love… ~_

 

“SHUT UP!” Alex covered her head with a pillow.

 

_~ You’re stupid! That pillow will not keep me away! Hello!!! I am talking from inside your head. If anything, with that pillow on your head you’re only closer to me! Just you and me, baby! You and me all alone in a small space. Aren’t you suddenly feeling claustrophobic? ~_

 

“Why can’t you love me?” Alex started sobbing from under the pillow.

 

_~ If only you loved yourself, I would love you too. You cannot expect me to do everything in your place! I want us to be friends, you idiot! I am never the one starting the fights! It’s you and your mistakes! You insist on making me your nemesis! So here I am! Hating you, just as you wish! Now tell me! Why did you walk out today??? Why did you leave him there??? We were happy! We were having fun! You had to ruin everything! You’re always ruining everything. Always! Now I will have to make you live with it! And pay for it! And isn't this a pitty? ~_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Alex’s week went from bad to worse. She felt the claws of depression wrecking her soul. She knew that her awful state of mind was self-induced, but she had neither the will, nor the power to combat it. She tried to hide it on the outside as good as possible. Her actress face was doing the job just perfectly! 

 

Alex knew from Karen that Matt returned to London the very next day after their lunch. However, Matt kept his promise and he was bombarding her with calls and texts. Whenever her phone rang, her heart shrank with pain. But she was determined not to reply. Unfortunately (for her) that determination only worsened her inner war. The voice inside her head was giving her hell every time she deleted a text. 

 

The fact that her “relationship” with Matt and their “break-up” was extensively discussed in the online press made her feel even worse (if that was even possible). Alex desperately tried to ignore anything that had to do with it, but it was not that easy. She could barely browse the internet without something popping up! Plus, the amount of email spam she received! It was insane. Those people should get a life! They called themselves journalists! Didn’t they have any real news to report? She was glad to be away from the UK. She could only imagine how the British tabloids were enjoying the show, especially with the 50th anniversary around the corner. She hated with all her heart to be the talk of the press! They knew nothing! Nothing! They were just exaggerating everything, making up useless and untrue stories!

 

It was evening. Alex was on her couch with the laptop on her knees trying to find a chocolate cake recipe! Chocolate. Cake. Recipe! Was it that hard to understand? How on Earth did she come across a picture with Matt with his head on the restaurant’s table? What did it have to do with her chocolate cake recipe? The whole article was speculating on the "sensational" story of their "romance". The other pictures featuring in the article were with the two of them laughing before arriving at the restaurant, with Alex preparing to leave and Matt grabbing her hand, and with Alex exiting the restaurant with her glasses on - she looked like crying.

 

_“Matt Smith and Alex Kingston where all sugar and milk when they arrived at the restaurant. Alex was flashing a flirty smile and Matt was leaning on her while walking. Nothing indicated that they were bothered by the Britannia Awards events. What went so terribly wrong during that date? Alex left the restaurant crying and she is even rumored not to attend the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who! Matt took the first plane to London without any attempt of mending the situation. Read exclusive details about the beginnings of this unexpected couple and its more unexpected conclusion as told by one of Matt Smith’s closest friends!”_

 

“Exclusive details kiss my...!” Alex snapped violently closing her laptop. “Nothing happened at that date! Nothing went terribly wrong! We were putting on a stupid show!!! OK! Argh!!! Tabloids! What can you expect?” 

 

Alex put her laptop aside. She felt so terribly angry! She had to calm down! What was with all this violent behaviour? This was not her! She was not this person... 

 

_~ Hysterical, are we? ~_

 

Exactly in that moment her phone beeped. Alex rolled her eyes. If that was Matt harassing her again she’d just… just… Well, she's probably just reply to the poor guy. He was the talk of the press as well. He had to deal with the mess as well... and the moment was so ill timed! The poor soul was anyway in the spotlight and this scandal only damaged his image! Plus, she missed him… she really did miss him a lot… a lot!

 

_~ Are you ready to give in? Is the self-punishment over? Can I take a break? ~_

 

The voice in her head was right. Alex suddenly felt very calm.

 

"Fine, you win. I acted poorly... I should have stayed. We should have walked hand in hand out of there. I allowed Ralph to poison my soul with his words... but Matt declaring his love only made it worse! Please give me some credit as well... I got scared! I am only human... everything happened so fast! It was difficult to process the information in such a short period of time... Ghosts of past, promises of future... Too much! I am not as young and emotionally flexible as Matt would have me to be! I've been brokenhearted too many times and hearing from the mouth of the man who ruined my soul that I am too old for someone's love was just painful..."

 

_~ Why are you telling me this? I already know your arguments, stupid! Answer the text already! Go to London and talk to the man... You really are useless, aren't you? ~_

 

Alex took the phone to read Matt’s billionth text. But her eyes became wide when she realized that the text was not from him. It was sent from an unknown number.

 

_* Do you need a shoulder to cry on? xx_

 

Alex stared at her phone for a while. She decided not to reply, but she could not get past the feeling that she knew who the author of the text was. Her phone beeped again, several minutes later.

 

_* I can always come over for a coffee and comfort you... xx_

 

Ok. That was it! Curiosity might have killed the cat, but she had to know…

 

_** Who’s this?_

 

There was no reply for some long ten minutes. The whole time, Alex did nothing but stare at her phone. When her phone beeped she literally jumped on it to read the message.

 

_* You Know Who!_

 

Alex rolled her eyes. She knew it! She totally knew it! She sensed it! Alex could feel her blood starting to boil! All the calmness and maturity vanished in a heartbeat. 

 

_** Am I supposed to laugh at the pun?_

 

_* That’s not the comfort I was trying to offer… but laugh if it makes you feel better. So, should I come over for a coffee to mend your broken heart?_

 

_** I do not have a broken heart and you’d be the last person on Earth I’d want to receive comfort from!_

 

_* You do not have a broken heart? This means you never loved him… the way you loved me…_

 

That bastard!!! Alex felt her temperature rising! 

 

_~ No, Alex! No! ~_

 

Alex completely ignored her inner voice. 

 

_** I do not have a broken heart and I do not need your comfort because the news got it all wrong. I had a fight with Matt, that is true, but nothing major. We are happily together, thanks for asking. Stay put! And stay away!!!_

 

_~ Liar! Don't do this! Don't listen to him. Don't give him satisfaction. Matt. Focus on Matt! For heaven's sake be sensible! ~_

 

_* I want you back, Alexandra… and a boyo will not be in my way. xoxo_

 

_** Don’t xoxo me, Ralph! And don’t call me Alexandra!_

 

_* I always call you Alexandra. It gives me a certain power over you and you know it, Mrs. Fiennes._

 

Alex rolled her eyes! She felt so angry! SO ANGRY! She was not giving him satisfaction. The voice in her head was stupid! But she had to reply because... well because she could not let him get his way! Right? But then again, he was definitely provoking her... Maybe she should not reply. Yes. Alex put her phone aside. 

 

However, in less than one minute, her phone beeped again. Alex left out a sound of utter annoyance! No. She would not reply! Well… maybe she could just… you know, get informed! Yes. She would read the text and simply not reply. But she had to know what his senile mind was thinking!

 

_I will not stop with the texts, Kingston! I will continue to send you hundreds of texts until you reply!!! Come on! It’s the 17th of November already! You cannot do this! What’s the Doctor without his wife… please come! For me! River, my River…_

 

Alex smiled! A dirty smile! Her anger vanished. Her blood stopped boiling and it started racing! 

 

 _"Please come! For me! River, my River."_ She reread the text with a grin. 

 

_~ No. Alex, behave!!! Not every word he writes is an innuendo! ~_

 

"Shut up!" She replied to the voice in her head. "He wants me to play, I will play!" 

 

_~ The only thing you're playing with is the fire! Careful there... ~_

 

"Careful?" Alex laughed at the voice inside her head. "Tried that once. Ever so dull!" 

 

_**To Matt:** Oh, darling… you are so sweet. I did not reply earlier because I wanted to test your patience and determination. I must admit that I am rather impressed… xxx_

 

And on second thoughts, now that Matt was boosting her confidence she could reply to Ralph as well.

 

_~ Middle age crisis much??? I am out of here! You are on your own... I cannot witness this! ~_

 

_**To Ralph:** I never took your name, Ralph. Do not flatter yourself!_

 

_**Matt:** Oh… miracles do happen! I was genuinely beginning to worry that some aliens kidnapped you. So, will you come… for me?_

 

Alex laughed out loud! Who was she kidding? Everything he wrote was an innuendo! She bit her lower lip. A week of depression asked for a dose of adrenaline!  

 

_**Ralph:** Oh, but the time is not lost. Maybe you will take my name next time._

 

_**To Matt:** Matthew darling… Behave!_

 

_**To Ralph:** There will not be a next time!_

 

_**Matt:** Behave??? Kingston, where’s your mind at? You shady lady!!!_

 

_**Matt:** I will put it another way… if it makes you feel better. Will you please attend the 50th anniversary screening and after-party for me?_

 

_**To Matt:**  Oh, shut up! You totally meant it that way! As for the 50th anniversary, I will think about it… but I cannot promise anything!_

 

_**Ralph:** This is what you say now. But, Alexandra… I know you are smiling with your phone in your hands._

 

_**Matt:** Of course you can promise!!! Come on… just promise already!_

 

_**To Matt:** No, I cannot promise. I have other arrangements already._

 

_**To Ralph:** You are right, I am smiling. But not at your texts. I am smiling at the texts from my beau._

 

_**Matt:** Everything else can be postponed… This is once in a lifetime event! _

 

_**To Matt:**  True, but I am still not sure! How can you persuade me to attend the anniversary?_

 

_**Ralph:** Are you trying to make me jealous? What is that beau of yours telling you?_

 

_**To Ralph:**  Oh, wouldn’t you want to know?_

 

_**Matt:** Oh, let’s just say that my means of persuasion are not all fitted for a family show..._

 

_**Ralph:**  Oh, Alexandra, you do not need a boy. A boy could not handle you! And I know this because I was a stupid boy once. Not anymore, so tell me. What can I do to make you smile? There must be something! xxx_

 

_**To Matt:** I am intrigued, darling. Tell me more. I am all ears… _

 

_**To Ralph:**  Oh, flattered. You want to make me smile? I can think of something. It's a crazy idea, but it will work for sure. Stop texting me! Forget I exist! _

 

_**Matt:** Naughty, Kingston!_

 

_**Ralph:** Rude, Alexandra!_

 

_**To Matt and Ralph:** Always, only for you!_

 

_**Matt:** You drive me insane! Are you even aware of this? Of course you are aware. And this is why I will not play your game. You will not get me sex-ting you, Ms. Kingston! If you want to know so badly my persuasion powers… just attend that anniversary! I miss kissing you... and I am dreaming of more... _

 

_**Ralph:** Are you flirting with me?_

 

_**To Ralph and Matt:** Don’t even dream about it!_

 

_**Ralph:** Oh, but I know you. You’re mean! That’s your charm. You are totally flirting with me! Is your beau ok with it? I bet he doesn't even know! Are you completely sure your relationship is ok? Or are simply putting on a show for me… to make me jealous. Because it is working. I am jealous. Here. I admit it. _

 

_**Matt:** You cannot stop me from dreaming, Kingston. Can you please promise me you’ll think about attending the anniversary? I am being serious now. No more flirting, no more joking. I beg of you… Give me a chance, give us a chance! A chance is all I want. I promise to you I will not waste it in vain. Please think about it…_

 

_**Ralph:**  You ignoring my repeated jealousy references is all the confirmation I need. So, back to my initial question. Can I come over and comfort you, my Alexandra? Let me be a shoulder to cry on... _

 

_**To Ralph:** Fine! If you insist so much… I will think about it. _

 

_**Ralph:** Oh wow! This was unexpected. I’m omw!_

 

Alex stared at her phone. She did not understand… what was going on? She looked up to see if she was still following rightly the conversation. Her eyes suddenly became very big!

 

“Can I come over and comfort you, my Alexandra? Let me be a shoulder to cry on...

Fine! If you insist so much… I will think about it.”

 

NONONONO! She meant to send that to Matt! As in fine, if he insisted so much she would consider going to the anniversary, she would consider giving him - them - a chance!

 

_~ Ahem. Care considering "careful" now? ~_

 

What was she supposed to do??? Was Ralph really coming over to her place??? How would he know where she lived? Salome was sleeping in the other room!!! 

 

_~ Great, Alex! Great! You totally deserve it for acting like a stupid school girl text-flirting with two guys at the same time… ~_

 

"Wait what? NO! I was not flirting with either of them! NO! definitely not. Well… maybe with Matt… yes… definitely with Matt! But never with Ralph. Never…" She protested.

 

She suddenly felt hyper. Extremely hyper! Yes. No more crying. No more self-punishment. She wanted Matt and that was that! To hell with everything Ralph said! She was not going to allow him wreck her soul again. Alex looked at the phone and replied quickly.    

 

_**To Ralph:** Don’t you dare! I sent a wrong text. I’ll block your number. Don’t bother texting again!_

 

She turned on her laptop back on and with a large smile on her face started browsing flights for London.

 

_~ No. Don't go to London... ~_

 

"You just said I had to go to London!" 

 

_~ That was before... It's a mistake! You know it, you feel it with every cell of your body. Don't go to London... it's a slippery slope! ~_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hope this chapter made sense... I tried to make it as easy to follow as possible. But just in case a small legend: 
> 
> ~ ... ~ (This is the voice in Alex's head talking to her. And the symbols will be used in later chapters as well. Everything that Alex responds to her inner voice is silent. She is NOT talking out loud by herself; she is merely having a conversation in her head.) 
> 
> * and ** were used to delimit the texts Ralph sent to Alex ( * ) and Alex's responses ( ** ) before Matt began texting to her as well. Then I simply used "To Matt", "To Ralph", or "Matt" and "Ralph". 
> 
> Sometimes there is a little voice talking in our heads. That voice is everything we want it to be or need it to be. It can be a valuable friend, it can be an incredible enemy. It can be an instinct or a carefully crafted argument. We control it all the time, but we are only seldom aware of this... When our feelings are messed up, when our thoughts are out of order we cannot distinguish between wrong and right. The voice is there but we don't know if it acts for or against our interests... Should we listen to it or act in spite of it? Who knows? It's a lottery...


	6. Happy birthday, sweetie!

The day arrived. The Day of the Doctor!

 

Matt woke up extremely excited. He had a good feeling, a very good feeling, although there was a small knot in his belly. The day was going to be fantastic! It had to be fantastic! She'd show up. He knew she’d show up. Right? I mean, yes, she didn’t reply to his last text, the text in which he begged for a chance… but her silence was a “yes”, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? Matt tried to breathe in and out. He’ll deal with that later…

 

Unfortunately, as the day progressed, Matt’s hopes started declining. With every second, every minute, every hour that passed without Alex showing up, his mood was slowly sinking. He loved the episode, he enjoyed watching it… but only half-heartedly. As much as he wanted to be joyful and crazy, the thought of Alex's absence from the celebrations was casting a shadow over the entire day.

 

By the time of the after-party, Matt came at terms with the thought that she was indeed going to ditch him and his anniversary… Well, when he said _his_ , he meant the Doctor’s. But, in many ways, it was _his_ anniversary as well. Yes, it was his day as well! And she was deliberately not attending his “birthday party”, when he made it clear that she was his guest of honour. Matt rolled his eyes, he felt stupid for thinking in these childish terms… “his” day, “his” birthday party, “his” celebrations. They were not his. They were the Doctor’s and he was no longer the Doctor. Time to move on! Take a deep breath and fake a smile… there are people trying to take pictures of you. Yey! The joy of being in the spotlight when all you actually want is to hide under many, many, many blankets.

 

Matt tried to keep his smile up during the interview bit of the live after-party. But he really couldn’t look extremely convincing.

 

“And if you thought booking a plane ticket was complicated, wait till you see the tricky business of time-travel…”

 

_Hello, sweetie…_

 

Matt fought the urge of rolling his eyes!

 

“Great… you sent a video. Isn’t this marvelous? Now, aren’t you amazing… amazingly infuriating! I suppose booking a plane ticket is more complicated than time travel for you… Pff... and now I have to watch this... Great!” Matt thought. He tried to force some sort of smile. He hoped no one will notice how stiff he was and how little attention he paid to the video.

 

_He doesn’t always know where he’s going or when he’s going, but you’ve got to hand it to him: the Doctor is the ultimate time-traveler! Happy birthday, sweetie!_

 

“Not thanks to you…” Matt thought and rolled his eyes this time, feeling extremely relieved that noone asked him to comment on the video. He might have snapped. He felt annoyed… and slightly angry… and quite disappointed. He could not wait for the interview to be over! He really was in no mood for partying. Too bad he couldn’t just leave!!! He wanted to just leave... 

 

After the interview ended, Jenna hugged him and placed a kiss on his cheek.

 

“I am so sorry…” She whispered in his ear.

 

“Yeah… not as sorry as I am. Never mind. That’s that… It happens. I just hoped that… well, forget it. It doesn’t really matter anymore. It’s over.” Matt tried to smile.

 

“I am sure she… was caught in something very important and she couldn’t… just… you know… be here. I… well, I am sure she has an explanation and she will just… well, you know... explain…”

 

“Jenna, you are such a sweetheart trying to find her excuses. But really, I am fine. It was her decision and I respect it as much as I respect her. You cannot force a person to feel for you, or anything. It’s just a bit of, you know, sore heart. But I will be fine. There’s always life after a break-up… No worries. I am a big boy. Been heartbroken before.” Matt hugged Jenna. “I’ll go grab a beer…”

 

“Do you want me to join?” Jenna offered.

 

“I’d rather be alone… but if you want, you can be the bad cop around me... Keep people away from me till the beer makes me friendlier?” Matt tried to chuckle. Jenna faked a smile.

 

“No worries. I will keep them away. Count on me.”

 

Matt went to the bar and grabbed a beer. He started talking with the bar tender asking him about his life, about funny stories and silly stuff. The bartender replied to all his questions while joggling with cocktails. Matt looked at him with a trace of utter fascination.

 

“Shouldn’t you be the central piece of this party? You’re so down you’re entertaining yourself with me. What happened to you?”

 

“A woman!” Matt replied downing his pint. “Can I have two shots of vodka?”

 

The bartender poured him the shots. “I am a fan, you know. I can give you the line you expect me to, if you want.”

 

“Yes, please.” Matt took one shot.

 

“What’s she like? Attractive, I assume.” The bartender said with a smile.

 

“Hell. In high heels…” Matt replied taking the second shot.

 

“Tell me more…” The bartender poured him two more shots.

 

“Nothing much to say. She bailed…”

 

“No, she did not.” A thin hand with red nails grabbed one of his shots. She downed it and smiled.

 

“Hello sweetie!”

 

Matt froze and looked at her mesmerized for several long seconds. Without blinking.

 

“Sorry I am late. I took the liberty to toy you around. I wanted to keep you waiting…” Alex said with a flirtatious smile.

 

“Did you now?" Matt looked at her with angry eyes. "You… you mean! Incredibly mean human being!” Matt jumped off his seat and hugged her burying his face into her hair.

 

Alex smiled, then laughed: "Well, that isn't exactly true. I was so indecisive whether to come or not, that I left the decision until the very last moment. I literally landed two hours ago. I had to rush to the hotel to leave my stuff, take a shower and dress up. I am sorry for missing most of everything..." 

 

"Oh, Alex. It does not matter anymore. At least you are here now!" Matt kissed her curls. "Thank you..."

 

“You're welcome!" She smiled and broke the embrace. "Sweetheart, mind if I steal this handsome lad and introduce him to the real world?” Alex asked the bartender with a wide smile.

 

“No, not at all! On the contrary! Don’t let him miss the party.” The bartender smiled back.

 

Suddenly, Matt became the most sociable person at the party! He and Alex moved around all the time, mingling and talking to everyone very lively. They were constantly joking around! For everyone it was more than obvious that Matt was looking at Alex as if she was the sun itself! Alex was also tender and sweet and flirty. She was touching his arm nearly constantly or winking at him or leaning on him.

 

Alex and Matt were cute! So terribly cute a certain Scotsman was jubilating. Steven was constantly stalking them with the corner of his eyes. He obviously knew the real story about the Britannia Awards, he knew they had never been a couple, but no one in his sane mind could convince him that they wouldn’t be one! Matt was obviously in love with her, deeply in love. Steven was eager to bet own his head on that! Truth be told, he was not that positive about Alex’s feelings… But give her time, he thought. Give her time and she’ll fall for Matt’s courting.

 

“Aren’t you going to invite me to dance?” Alex asked sassily. “The only thing you did in LA was to complain about how you didn’t get to dance with me at the Awards.”

 

“Was that really the only thing I did in the LA?” He teased.

 

“Shut up!” Alex pulled her tongue out at him. Matt laughed and dragged her on the dance floor.

 

“But I am still hurt, by the way! You have to promise me that you will offer me as many dances as I want. You’ll dance with me until I declare that my pride is restored!”

 

“Oh, heaven!” Alex rolled her eyes. “I will never get to dance with anyone else! But tell you what? I really don’t mind!”

 

And she really didn’t. Alex had no idea how the time passed or how the music style changed. She was just there, lost in a moment with him. At some point Matt stopped and his eyes became wide: 

 

_Oh, I beg you can I follow???_

 

“OMG!” He squeaked. I love this!!! Wait, wait!!!”

 

Matt ran to the nearest microphone. “Hello everyone!!! Hope you are all having a fantastic time!!! Listen, listen… I dedicate this song to my Song!!!”

 

Everyone started cheering. Alex pulled her tongue out at him! He did not care. He joined her back on the dance floor and started bouncing around her. Alex laughed and started moving as well – more gracefully than him, nonetheless!

 

At the chorus Matt started singing at the top of his voice still bouncing around her and making her laugh like crazy.

 

“YOU’RE MY RIVER RUNNING HIGH! RUN DEEP! RUN WILD! I… I follow!!! I follow you… deep sea baby!”

 

She joined him into singing. And bouncing! She could not help it! He made her feel so young! So happy! So fresh! She had to bounce like him, she had to be as silly as he was! Alex wrapped her arms around his neck in order to synchronize her silly bouncing with his. He wrapped his arms around her waist! They really were in a bubble although they were the epicenter of the party. Everyone was dancing around them and laughing and dancing some more.

 

“Jenna, Jenna!!!” Alex caught her hand at some point. “Please dance with the baby for a while… I need to rest my bones!!!” Matt laughed and grabbed Jenna’s hand. “I won’t be long sweetie, just a bit of water.”

 

Alex went and sat at the table. Steven spotted her and approached her with a glass of wine.

 

“My darling.” He said with a smile offering her the glass.

 

“Oh, thank you. This is great, I really craved for some red wine. How are you feeling, Steven?” She said returning his smile.

 

“Very well. This party is a hit, thanks to you and to your… ah… what is he now? Co-star?”

 

Alex chuckled: “Oh, I should have known that the wine had an agenda attached! You sneaky man.”

 

“Oh well, what can I say? Not necessary an agenda. More like a friendly concern. I just wanted to know what is actually going on. You two look so happy together, so cozy. Why did you break him up?”

 

“Well, technically, I did not, because we’ve never actually been together…” Alex looked at Matt who was dancing with Jenna. “He is so young… so innocent. He does not need the baggage of huge mistakes and emotional imbalances I come with. I don’t know…” She rolled her eyes.

 

“What do you feel? Don’t overthink it! Just answer a simple question. What do you feel about the man over there, when you look at him, Alex? What does your heart, your body feel when you look at him?

 

Alex’s face became very sunny at once. She bit her lower lip while looking at Matt. She was still smiling. She felt good, when she looked at him. That’s what and how she felt when he was near. Good and young and light...

 

“Good and young and light? Not bad…” Steven approved and it was only then that Alex realized she spoke the words out loud. “Are those feelings friendly, brotherly…?”

 

Alex frowned and made a disgusted face: “Hell no! Not brotherly… totally not!”

 

Steven laughed. “That’s the reaction I expected. I’ve seen you two interacting in ways very few couples could even dream to! You are magnetic together. You just are! Give him a chance. And no, he did not send me to talk to you. This is me giving you a bossy order! Give him a chance. Give yourself a chance! Come on! Take the advice of the man who wrote way more kisses than were necessary for a family show just to make you, two blind idiots, realize you need to shag! If not more.”

 

“Steven!!!” Alex hit him on his shoulder, playfully.

 

Steven just laughed and excused himself. “I’ll let you with your thoughts. But don’t waste much time with your them and go back to the party. I love to see your curls bouncing on the dancefloor. You look like a disco-ball!”

 

“Just get lost before I hit you with a shoe!!!” She threatened.

 

“Hit me with a shoe??? I like that. I will use that. Peter will totally say that at some point!” They both laughed.

 

Alex spent around 5 more minutes thinking about what decision to take. She knew for a fact that Matt most probably wanted to go back to the hotel with her. So she needed an answer. She needed to know what to say to the poor bloke. Obviously, she wanted to sleep with him. Oh, she really wanted that! But what about “more”? Did she want more? 

 

Alex got distracted by her phone vibrating in her hands. She shook her head and looked at the text.

 

_**Ralph:** Oh… I am nostalgic. Found a video from our wedding and watched it twice! I’ll just play it for the third time. Wouldn’t it be great if we could just turn back time? I would do so many things differently..._

 

Alex deleted the text. She had no idea what was wrong with him! And even more important, she could not figure out whether he was serious or was doing it on purpose to hurt her. She had over a decade of silence!!! Was it so much to ask for the same blissful silence for all the remaining decades of her life? She really did not want to have anything to do with Ralph! Really she didn’t… she didn’t.

 

_~ Well… are you sure? ~_

 

“Shut up! Shut up and don’t you dare. Don’t you EVER dare!” Alex replied with a thought to the voice in her head. “Never, ever, never… absolutely never. I don’t want to have anything to do with Ralph! Do you understand me? But with the man coming towards me… Well, just to spite you, I’ll give it a try.”

 

Alex smiled as he bent to kiss her cheek.

 

“Everything alright, precious?” Matt asked with a smirk.

 

“With that cheeky pet-name, yes!” Alex pulled her tongue out at him.

 

“Put it back, or I’ll bite it!” Matt winked.

 

Alex looked at him with a grin and pulled her tongue even more in the outside. Matt swallowed hard and grabbed her hand.

 

“Dance, Kingston! Just dance!”

 

The party continued in the same manner till after 4 in the morning.

 

When the party was over, Matt wrapped Alex’s coat around her, then he offered his arm to her for support. She accepted it gladly and when he said that he would take her to the hotel to make sure she arrived well, Alex was more than excited about the idea.

 

When they found themselves in front of the hotel room, Alex's mind was already running wild. She could feel her body heating up.

 

“Thank you Alex for the wonderful night.” Matt said with a smile.

 

“What? Aren’t you coming in?” She replied very confused.

 

“Of course not. It’s quite late. I will let you sleep.”

 

“Oh, I see. Is this about what you said in LA? That you want me to beg? If you expect me to beg you to shag me…”

 

Matt put a finger on her mouth.

 

“Shush, you tempest!” Then he smiled and removed his finger.

 

“What I wanted to say is that I accept that I got carried away by the events at the Britannia after-party. But I will not make the same mistake again. And to answer your question, no. I don’t expect you to beg… no, not now and not while you’re standing! That’s a poor move from a guy. Begging is for when you’re in bed under my complete dominance…”

 

“You done? Cuz’ I could completely beg now…” Alex touched his waist moving her fingers on it sensually.

 

Matt forced a laugh and grabbed her wrist removing her hand.

 

“Please, don’t make me ruin everything again! I said I do not want to make the same mistake as some weeks ago. I was selfish, I thought only about myself. I can’t even imagine how it felt for you. Ralph talking to you, and that alone must have been confusing for your thoughts and sentimental stability. I suppose everything became even worse with me pouring my intense feeling on you, on the same night! It must have been really difficult for you to realize how to act, how to respond. I do not blame you at all. Actually, I apologize for any bad feelings you might have experienced after that night. I asked for a chance and I promised I will not waste it in vain. You coming here offered me the chance I dreamt of. Thus, I really want to do it right. It would be wrecking for my feelings to only sleep with you and then to see you vanishing... I want to take this slowly. To see if we can be, if you want us to be… So, what do you say?” Matt cleared his voice, blushing a little. “Alex, would like to go on a date with me tomorrow?”

 

“A date? Ah... As in out for a pint, casually?”

 

“No. A proper date. Proper first date. That we will refer to as our first date… You know, with a fancy restaurant and me paying for the dinner and taking you from home and walking you back home…”

 

“A proper date whose calendar date we’ll remember?” Alex inquired.

 

“Yes…”

 

“And flowers?” She insisted. 

 

"Oh, you’re just ruining it!!!” Matt rolled his eyes, but his annoyance made her laugh.

 

“I’d be delighted.”

 

“Really?” He asked with glowing eyes and she could read in them the genuine enthusiasm of a person whose wish came true.

 

She closed the distance between them and softly placed her lips on his cheek.

 

“Really. Good night, darling.”

 

“Good night, precious.”

 

“Oh, no… no, don’t. Really. Don’t do that! It makes me feel like puking rainbows. It’s too much… way too much, so cheesy!” She wrinkled her nose at him.

 

Matt laughed. “I’ll definitely overuse it then! I’ll be here at 7pm.”

 


	7. Trust and Companionship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, guys. I have no idea what is wrong with the Archive and my laptop today. They completely hate me!!! Sorry... very angry rant. I posted this chapter before and it just got deleted and then I tried to post it again and it got erased altogether... and now I tried to reedit everything since I didn't have exactly the latest version of it on word. So brr... very angry. But in case anyone saw the original update, nothing much is different. Maybe just some phrasings, but that's all... 
> 
> Since I cannot describe outfits properly, I will leave here some links with what I had in mind for Alex in terms of clothing. I completely fell in love with this combination and I figured that Alex would look just divine in something similar: 
> 
> http://www.ateliedenovidades.com.br/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Sharon-Stone-leather-pants.jpg
> 
> http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Press+Room+Peace+One+Day+Celebration+2010+T-wOkOXjoy3l.jpg

Alex looked in the mirror. Then she checked the time: 6:47pm. Then she looked back in the mirror.

 

She was dressed with a pair of black high-waist leather trousers that were nicely emphasizing her curves. Tuck in her leather pants, Alex had a light pinkish all-silk loose shirt. The shirt was only teasingly see through: it gave the impression that you could see something through it, when you actually couldn’t! Her very high heels were the same shade of light pink as her shirt. She looked very modern and elegant. She smiled. She liked it!

 

_~ You look stunning, dearie! ~_

 

"Oh, the honour! I'm thanking you!" Alex laughed at her inner voice. 

 

Alex put on a bit of make-up and smiled some more while looking at her reflection. She was ever so thankful for not having to bother herself with styling her hair!

 

_~ Your hair looks amazing! It really always looks so great! I love it! ~_

 

Alex frowned and looked in the mirror some more. What was with this sudden rush of self-love? She hasn’t felt anything like that in… well, in ages!

 

Right in that moment the door-bell rang. Alex felt a weird tickling sensation in her belly. Really? Are you serious, Alex? Butterflies? She breathed in and out a couple of times and then went to open the door.

 

She greeted him with a gigantic grin. “Hello sweetie!”

 

“Good evening… Oh, Alex!” Matt bit his lower lip. “You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

 

Alex blushed. “Oh, darling! I am sure it cannot be quite true… Come in.”

 

As he entered her hotel room, Matt reassured her that he meant every single word. Alex giggled. It was only when he was inside that she realized he had a huge flower bouquet behind his back.

 

“These are for my gorgeous date…” Matt smiled and offered her the bouquet.

 

Alex grabbed it biting her lower lip and smiling at the same time. She was all red! She was more than red and she knew it. More than that, she was convinced that Matt noticed it as well.

 

“I realized I have no idea what your favorite flowers are. So I took the liberty of buying you my personal favourites. I hope you don't mind.” He said with a smile while admiring her from head to toes. 

 

Alex chuckled and looked at the bouquet. “There are lilies, and roses, and orchids… Now I am confused. How am I supposed to guess which of these are your personal favourites?” She frowned a little. Matt laughed.

 

“All of them and none in particular. It's not about the kind of flower... It's about the other little detail they have in common. They are all white! Don’t you think the white flowers are the most beautiful flowers in the whole wide world? Because I really think that no other colour can make the flowers look more delicately pure than white...”

 

Alex felt like her face could break from all the smiling. He was terribly adorable.

 

“Yes… Indeed darling, you must be right. They are absolutely beautiful.”

 

“I have a theory.” Matt said raising a finger.

 

“Go ahead, impress a girl.” Alex teased.

 

“The white flowers are what happens with snow in spring!”

 

“Owww…” Alex realized a second too late that she let out such a sound of cuteness attack. Matt just started laughing and then she joined him as well.

 

“I gave you a cute-crisis! You just squeaked like a silly girl looking at baby cat pictures online! That is so nice. And hilarious!” He winked. “So… ready to go?”

 

“Glad I make you happy, baby giraffe! And yes, definitely ready to go. Just give me a second to put my flowers in a vase and grab the coat and purse.”

 

When they left the hotel Matt grabbed Alex's hand really softly and showed her the way to his car. He opened the front door and invited her in. Alex thanked him gracefully and took her seat. Matt drove to a central London restaurant where he already had a reservation. The evening began with some white wine and small talk. It was only after more than an hour, when they were already eating the main course, that Alex adventured herself towards a more serious conversation.

 

“So, Matt darling… what do you usually seek in a girl? And how can it possibly be that someone like me fits that profile?”

 

“Someone like you? You mean utterly gorgeous, very sensitive, infuriatingly sexy, incredibly smart and unimaginably funny? You think I do not deserve someone with these qualities?” Matt inquired frowning a little.

 

“Of course you deserve someone with those qualities and much more. But, darling, you are completely exaggerating with the adjectives when it comes to me. What I meant by someone like me was... well… someone almost reaching the expiry date and having to carry quite a heavy baggage of emotional trauma…”

 

“Expiry date??? Do people even have that?” Matt asked with a reluctant face which made her laugh out loud. “No really, Alex. This is not even slightly funny. Actually, this is just nonsense. I do not care about your past. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I care about it in as much as I can help you dealing with it… when it comes back to torment you. But I do not care about what happened in your life before me and how it happened. I am way more interested in what is happening in your life right now, and if I am lucky enough… what will happen in the future.”

 

Alex chuckled. “How can you – a mature and all classy man with an incredible ability of joggling with sweet words, be the same person with the crazy school boy who forced me to dance on One Direction some weeks ago in LA?”

 

“Well… that’s the secret of making women fall in love. Do you want to know it?” Matt winked.

 

“Yes. Please. If it does not contravene with some manly code of honour to disclose classified information to the enemy. That would be… great.” She smiled.

 

“Be what a woman needs in every and any situation! Be exactly, absolutely exactly, what a woman needs the most when she is unaware of needing something! And then you will win! - That’s what my father told me. There is no point for me to show my silly and childish side now. We are in a nice and elegant restaurant, having an amazing dinner with wine and a candle. I feel like what you want me to be right now is... how did you put it? A mature and all classy man with an incredible ability of joggling with sweet words... So I am just that! The other week, well that was a whole different story! You were harassing me with your passport and your date of birth which made me think you feel old and unworthy of the kind of attention I was trying to give you. So I just decided that what you needed was to feel crazy and young. So I treated you as a teenage school girl. And it worked, because you got dressed up as Karen for our kind of break-up not-date! And your gesture was absolutely amazing and very rewarding... Maybe a little bit too rewarding since I could no longer focus and ended up messing everything..."

 

Alex laughed. “So is this the secret? The famous advice your father gave you? Be what a woman needs in every and any situation… I see. That is a really great piece of advice. However, I must ask. Is there any secret agenda behind this 'let’s do it properly' attitude?”

 

“Yes. Of course.”

 

“Mind sharing with the class?” Alex teased sipping from her wine.

 

“Why not… you’re gonna fall for it anyways.” Matt laughed.

 

“Will I, now?” She grinned at him.

 

“Yes… you will. Because, on the longer term, what you need is a fairytale relationship.” Matt stretched his hand to caress her cheek very softly and tenderly. “You need romance and romantism and love and protection. Your very own knight in shining armor. And, Alex… I swear I can be that. I will be your guardian angel for as long as you will have me. And when you will no longer have me, I will still be guarding you from the shadows for as long as I live. This is my agenda! You may think they are just words now, but I will prove it to you.” He chuckled a bit and removed his hand very quickly grabbing his wine glass. “Let's toast!”

 

Alex startled at his rapid movement, still incredibly moved by his words. She reach for her glass just to notice that her hand was slightly shaking. “Sure, darling. What are we toasting for?”

 

“Me winning your heart, sooner or later.”

 

Alex laughed sweetly. “Oh, my darling! I am not sure if it is because of the wine or if your father’s advice is already working its magic, but in this very second I have the feeling you won’t have to struggle that much. Salute!”

 

“Cheers!” Matt put the glass down and kept on staring at her with a wide smile.

 

“Can I ask more stupid questions? I love listening to your sweet answers...” Alex said with a shy smile. 

 

“Oh, Alex… there is no such thing as stupid questions. I love listening to your questions more than you love listening to my answers. You want to know why? Because your questions give me hints about your insecurities. I learn more about you, about what you fear and what you expect from a question than from an elaborated answer.” Matt smiled as he sensed that she felt in the same time very surprised and intrigued.

 

“What do you think is the most important thing in a relationship?” Alex asked bluntly. 

 

“Trust and companionship.” Matt replied the second she finished asking the question, without even blinking.

 

She looked at him quite disappointed. “Not love?”

 

Matt laughed. “Never! Never love.”

 

Alex seemed even more disappointed. “Really, why?”

 

“Oh, Alex, sweetheart. Love is an ephemeral feeling! One can never properly grasp its meaning. Love changes so fast! It has so many faces, so many sides, so many angles. Sometimes it goes in cycles, sometimes it just repeats itself following no particular pattern, sometimes it just reinvents itself, sometimes it appears as brand new… It’s always a lottery with love! Plus, one never loves two people in the same way. How can one possibly pinpoint love? I would definitely not want to base the relationship of my life on such a shaky foundation as love. Of course! Love is the most brilliant feeling and I believe in it with all my heart. Love is essential, love is needed… What would a relationship be without that passion from the beginning, without the magic of not knowing the other, without the pleasure of discovering a world together? But once you settle in and settle down, that passion inevitably vanishes. Love changes into other feelings - deeper feelings love could never aspire to be! If there is no trust and no feeling of companionship… then what will your relationship stand upon when the crazy love melts under the weight of everyday life?”

 

Alex felt evaporating in the air, but managed to say to him on a shaky tone: “Now this explains a lot about my previous marriages... How can you be more emotionally mature than me?”

 

“Well, I read a lot.” He joked. “Plus, I am older than I look!”

 

“No way! You mean you are not 11?” She opened her mouth in utter (fake) surprise.

 

“Haha! Very funny, Madame Robinson! But you should be thankful I am not 11. It means that those naughty thoughts you have about me are not illegal!” Matt teases with an evil smile.

 

“Now aren't you such a sweetheart?” She replied sarcastically.

 

They started laughing and slowly moved on to lighter topics. After desert, the two of them took a lovely walk along the Thames. They were holding hands and talking nonsense. It was only when the Big Ben stroke twelve that they realized how late it was.

 

“Precious, will you puke rainbows if I kiss you now? Our first official kiss, under the pale moonlight and Ben's majestic tolls?” Matt ironically asked on a fake pompous tone.

 

“Oh, shut up!”

 

Alex dragged him by the coat closer to her. Matt slowly moved his hands to her neck pulling her even closer. He pressed his lips on hers and started kissing her very lovingly. He slid his tongue through her barely parted teeth and sought to meet hers. As Alex fully responded to his kiss, she felt her heart racing. She wrapped her arms around his middle. She loved how his kiss was not passionate, not desperate, and definitely not sexual. Matt did not try to reach her body with that kiss, he tried to reach the depths of her soul! And she felt it… felt him… right there, deep down, close to her heart.

 

When Matt broke the kiss several minutes later her head was spinning. He kissed her forehead and then put his arm around her shoulder, very protective. They started walking back towards the restaurant since Matt's care was there. This time they did not talk; this time they just walked in silence, still embraced – the nice silence of two hearts that for the moment being needed no words to communicate.

 

Matt drove her back to the hotel. Alex looked at him and smiled. She decided to ask, out of politeness, although she expected his refusal: “Do you want to come upstairs?”

 

“Maybe another time… if I will be offered the pleasure of a second date.”

 

“Well…” Alex smiled cheekily. “I will sleep on it and call you one of these days.”

 

She offered him her cheek for a kiss. Matt smiled with all his heart and kissed her on the cheek.

 

“Sleep well, Ms. Kingston… and have amazing dreams.”

 

“You too, Mr. Smith.”

 

Alex opened the door and exited the car. Matt did not leave until he saw her safely entering the hotel. Alex turned her head a bit before completely disappearing inside and waved at him. Matt smiled and returned the wave although he was not sure if she could see him in through the dark and the car’s window.

 

Alex entered the room, removed her shoes and went to pour herself a glass of wine. Then she threw herself on the sofa and pulled her phone out of the purse to check if there were news. She had 6 new messages from Ralph and two missed calls. Alex smiled at the phone.

 

“Give me a break! You are so not going to ruin my perfect night!”

 

With the smile still on her lips and her head still in the clouds, Alex deleted all six messages without the slightest curiosity regarding their content. Then she tossed her phone aside and allowed herself to dream away while indulging in the sweet wine... 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, sweeties... I hope you had an amazing weekend and that you enjoyed the update. 
> 
> I have a tiny question for you, I hope you do not mind. Since I am pretty new around here, I do not really know what are the general trends of writing and what you expect to read. I noticed that in what concerns this story, many of you stopped commenting, so I decided to check out if I do something wrong. (Not that this would change the story in any way. Everything is still going to happen exactly as planned and I will keep on updating regularly - but you know, for future reference). Xx


	8. The white flowers are what happens to snow...

December 21st, 2013

 

9:02 pm. LA.

 

Alex was constantly checking the time. She was already more than hyperactive! Where was he?

  

Alex rolled her eyes. Half an hour more! What was she supposed to do? The house was already in perfect, impeccable state! She was already all dressed up… or undressed up! What was she supposed to do with that spare half an hour? She didn’t want to wait half an hour more! For heaven's sake!!! 

 

_~ Oh, woman!!! You are so bloody annoying! Half an hour is not that much! Ok??? He’s going to be with you soon. Just cool down! ~_

 

Yes, Alex rolled her eyes at the voice in her head. Sure, cooling down. That was a good advice. She was going to be cool… very cool. Totally cool. She decided she needed a glass of wine. Yes, a good glass of wine and some cheese! Alex went to the kitchen. She took her time cutting in perfect cubical forms her delicious blue cheese. Then, took the plate with cheese and the glass of wine with her in the living-room.

 

Alex sat on the sofa and looked around. The atmosphere was magical. The fireplace was on and, in the dining-room half of the chamber, there was a table was set for two. The table was decorated with candles waiting to be lit and with a manually painted vase. An empty vase - to be more precise. An empty vase because Alex knew that Matt was going to bring her flowers!

  
An amazing bouquet of white flowers! Oh… the adorable white flower! She smiled.

 

“Because the white flowers are what happens to snow in spring…” Alex whispered softly. 

 

Then she closed her eyes in delight! That was finally the night when he was going to make her his! Heaven, she thought. He kept her waiting for ages… for ages… 

 

Alex took a sip from her wine and a small piece of cheese while her mind went back in time to revisit the moments that led her to that evening.

 

November 25th, 2013

 

The first think she did after waking up was to check her phone. She had no messages from him. She frowned. Nothing? Oh, well, it was merely 10:30 am. Maybe he was still sleeping.

 

But the whole day passed and there were still no messages, no phone calls. Nothing? Really? Alex felt very edgy. He said he would call her…

 

“Oh, no! I said I would call him!” Alex jumped on her phone and almost pressed the calling button.

 

“No… Did I? Or did he say that?” 

 

She could not remember the exact conversation. She tried to focus on recreating the moment when they parted:

 

"So… so? He said he was not going to come upstairs, but then he said he was going to take me out again. And then I said I would call. No..." Alex rolled her eyes. "I didn’t say that. He said it!"

 

Alex put the phone down and crossed her arms to her chest. That was a tricky situation. Honestly - she thought. If she said it and then she never called, he would take it as a no! And then it would be all her fault! But if she didn’t say it and she called… then he would think she was desperate. Well, not desperate... Not exactly. But he would think his strategy to make her fall for him was working… when it was so obviously NOT!

  
She ordered some take away, ate, and decided to watch the 50th special. Again! 

 

_~ Oh, look at him he is so cute… Isn't he cute??? He is brilliant... Don't you think he is brilliant? Oh, look!!! Jenna is getting cozy with him!!! Jelly baby? Don't you really want to be Jenna right now? Look at her! She is caressing his cheeks… I would totally want to be Jenna! Oh, you really want to be Jenna as well!!! What is that tickling uncomfy feeling in your belly??? Haha. I will stop, now. Really. Because you are going to start buying it. I am villainizing poor Jenna in vain. But you know what? There is no need for you to be Jenna!!! You are you and he loves you! Stop being stupid! You could just… well, just text him! What the hell. ~_

 

Alex rolled her eyes. That voice was so loud and noisy! But, in all honesty, the poor voice was also right. Fine! FINE! She would text him. Not call!!! NO. Definitely not call… but a text would be a fair compromise. Right? 

  
So Alex wrote and rewrote the message countless  times before she settled for:

 

_**To Matt:** Yesterday was nice and I enjoyed it very much. Maybe we should do it again sometimes. Xx_

 

And then she waited. She waited till 10 pm, till 11 pm, till midnight, till 1 am, till 2 am… What the hell! Alex left out a sound of utter frustration and went to bed.

 

November 26th, 2013

 

Jenna called early in the morning and invited Alex out for brunch. Alex felt very moved by Jenna's sweetness and accepted the invitation without thinking twice. They met at a very cozy restaurant around 11 am. The two women were having a pleasant time talking, sharing their Doctor Who experiences, laughing at silly stories from the set, reviewing the 50th special when…

 

Alex’s phone beeped and she literally jumped on it! Jenna frowned at the completely unsubtle gesture, but said nothing.

 

Alex read the message without blinking:

 

_**Matt:** Indeed we should do it again sometimes. Sometimes like today. 7pm. Alexandra Palace. Ice skating._

 

She bit her lower lip and smiled.

 

"Was that Matt?"

 

Alex startled at the sound of Jenna’s voice. She blushed. 

 

"Hm… yes. He texted that he wants us to go ice skating." Alex took a bite of her croissant still smiling like an idiot.

 

"Uuuu!!!" Jenna winked teasingly. "I sense some good quality gossip here! Come on! Mind sharing?"

 

Alex laughed.

 

"Oh, not at all! Actually I really want to brag about it. You know not to brag but… to tell someone!!! And a bit... to brag... So, he has this amazingly cute plan… and I know his plan! And I know it is a plan! Like a complete agenda! Because he told me so! But I cannot not fall for his stupid plan! You know? Although I consciously know his agenda and everything! But he is just, ah… sooo him! So... pff! Ok, I am rambling. I will just start from the very beginning and tell you everything. You know how we were terribly flirting on the set and everything? But nothing ever happened because well… you know, there are all the wrong reasons! So, in the beginning of the month at the Britannia awards…"

 

Jenna kept on smiling at Alex without interrupting her enthusiastic story. She was nodding every now and then holding back the chuckles. How could she not be extremely amused by this infatuated Alex who was acting like a school girl sharing her juicy crush gossips with her girlfriends? Yes, Jenna could tell very well from the way in which Alex behaved that Matt’s strategy was going completely according to the plan. Obviously, Jenna skipped unmentioned the part where she knew everything about the said plan and the part where the brunch was Matt's idea (since he wanted to "collect data" - as he put it - on Alex's reaction tot his late text). Matt told Jenna that he teased Alex an entire day not calling her and not replying to her message. He wanted to give her time to think about him, time for her to go through their date over and over and over again. Not that it was easy for him to do that. No, not at all. Matt assured Jenna that it's actually been hell to ignore Alex for an entire day. It was obvious that he would reply at some point, but he didn't want to present Alex with another invitation. No. What Matt wanted was to see how eager she was to do as told. Thus, his message was not inviting her somewhere. The message was summoning Alex at a certain time and in a certain location! Jenna knew that Alex was not even aware of this very important detail. No, Alex was completely and utterly oblivious of this very subtle touch in Matt's strategy. The younger woman tried not to laugh and made a mental note to inform Matt about this. 

 

That evening, Alex was surprised to see that Matt hired the entire place just for the two of them. She suspected that something was odd, given the late hour of their date, but she never imagined he would do something as reckless as hiring the entire rink. Matt smiled at her and offered her another amazing bouquet of white flowers before starting kissing her lips softly.

 

"Oh, Matt… you shouldn’t have done this, really!" She said with an appreciative smile. 

 

"Well, actually that is not true. I figured that what my Queenston needs next is a palace!" Matt proudly declared. 

 

"Oh, I see. So we’re playing the 'give-the-woman-what-she-needs' game again. Interesting. But darling, I swear I never knew that I needed a palace." She teased.

 

Matt kissed her, slowly biting her lower lip and sucking on it for a second too long. Alex’s eyes caught fire! Matt broke the kiss and looked at her swallowed lips and burning eyes.

 

"Not literally a palace. But what you need is to feel that you are the most important woman in the whole world! And, as fairytales go, the most important women in the world are the queens… and the queens have palaces! So you needed a palace as well! I thought Alexandra Palace would do just nicely, given the name… but even more important, it is just the perfect palace because it has a skating rink. And you are my River Song and I completely had to take you ice-skating!" 

 

Alex just smiled and then laughed. Her head was full of blurry fluffy stuff.

 

"How can I possibly know… like properly and in detail know your whole strategy and all these behind the scenes reasons and still get fooled by them?" 

 

Matt laughed. "That is a very easy question, my queen. You see, there is a very big difference between this..." (and Matt poked her forehead) "And this!" (and he poked her heart) "Now answer me one thing: isn’t it extremely frustrating and infuriating for your brain to know everything and to be utterly powerless in stopping the outcome? You brain knows what I am doing and tries to fight it. But it's not that easy... Because you see, I am tricking your brain. I am giving it what it needs! The illusion of full knowledge and control… while I am working my way deep down to the vulnerable heart I promised to save. And this is another piece of info that will irritate your brain! HA!" 

 

"I hate you!"

 

"No… you really don’t! Ice skating!!! Come on!!! Woooohoooo!!!"

 

He started skating in circles around her. She laughed and started skating in order to catch him. And so, they had an amazing evening…

 

December 21st, 2013

 

9:24 pm. LA. 

 

Alex smiled sipping some more wine…

 

November 27th, 2013

 

The day after the ice skating was their last day before Alex's return to LA. Matt took her to the cinema and for a walk in the park. Afterwards, they ordered takeaway and went to her hotel for dinner. Matt helped her with the luggage and then they spent the rest of the night chatting and laughing like it often happened in Cardiff, during the good old days of Team Tardis.

 

November 28th, 2013

 

Very early in the morning, Matt drove her to the airport. Alex could not bring herself to say goodbye, so she stayed with him - kissing him desperately - until she literally had to run to catch her flight…

 

Oh, how she hated those flying days that had more than 24 hours! 

 

December 21st, 2013 

 

9:27 pm. LA. 

 

And it’s been almost a month since she last saw him… She checked the time again. Soon. So soon! Roughly ten minutes and her ordeal would be over. 

 

Alex closed her eyes again sipping some more wine. Oh, that man knew how to make her miss him like hell. She slipped again in her daydream…

 

November 28th, 2013

 

When she arrived at home, it was already very late in the evening - because her second flight got delayed and then her taxi vanished and argh! She was really tired and angry!

 

Alex looked around. Something seemed strange with her house. She left her suitcase in the hallway and entered the kitchen to put the kettle to boil. And then she saw it: her kitchen table was more than half occupied by a gigantic bouquet of white flowers. She smiled a little confused and went to check if there was any note. Nothing. 

 

She frowned and made a cup of tea. Of course that she knew who sent the bouquet... but... she wanted details!!! Why was there no cheeky note?

 

It didn't take her long to figure out why the bouquet came with no tag. As she entered the living room, her eyes widened with surprise! There were flowers everywhere: little and big bouquets, small and grand arrangements... all of them making the room seem so bright! All of them white. Pure white. Alex could not help it! She covered her mouth in delight and went around to place soft kisses on her flowers... 

 

Unfortunately, she could not sleep on the sofa. She was too tired for that. With a sad smile she left her flowers, grabbed her suitcase from the hallway and went upstairs to her bedroom. 

 

"Ah!!!" Alex startled when she opened the door. She could not see her floor because it was covered in white petals, and so was her bed... a nice blanket of spring snow! 

 

Her heart stopped when she noticed a Tardis blue envelope on the bed. Alex dumped her suitcase and literally jumped on her bed to open the so expected note. It was a short typed letter: 

 

_My dearest Alex,_

 

_If everything went according to the plan and Karen managed to get the keys of your house from Salome, you should be now surrounded by a cute spring snow. (Take pictures and send them to me! I am really curious if Karen managed to do something nice or messed it up... though she might have been in a good mood since it was her birthday.) I know that you arrive only in the evening and that Salome will not be home for a couple of days. I figured that what my woman wanted next was not to feel home alone. I am sorry I cannot be there to welcome you with a smile. However, I hope that my spring snow will keep you warm tonight. Sleep well, my precious._

 

Alex discovered she was crying only when a small drop fell on her letter. She hugged the paper and smiled… oh, that silly wonderful boy…

 

December 3rd, 2013

 

Alex was delighted with the fact that Matt called her daily and that every now and then her door bell rang and a delivery guy offered her a bouquet of white flowers! Oh, those amazing flowers! But on that particular day, she received no phone call and no flowers. Late in the evening her phone flashed. She looked at it and saw the email notification. It was from Matt. A video. She smiled. It was a recording in which he played ‘Beneath Your Beautiful’ on the guitar, while singing softly on top of it…

 

Once she saw it once, Alex kept on playing the video over and over and over again…

 

_You’ve carried on so long, you couldn't stop if you tried it… You've built your wall so high that no one could climb it. But I'm gonna try! Would you let me see beneath your beautiful? Would you let me see beneath your perfect? Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl… I wanna see inside… Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?_

 

December 8th, 2013

 

Alex found herself obsessively listening to that song after he sent the recording. She didn’t even realize how amused Salome was. Over dinner that evening, her daughter cleared her voice and said sweetly: 

 

"So, mommy… I was thinking. Maybe you should invite Matt over for Christmas." 

 

"What?" Alex said somewhat confused. 

 

"Well, I can see that you started caring for him…" Salome smiled. Alex returned her the smile. She didn’t feel like denying anything. 

 

"Yes... I think so. But over for Christmas? Would that really be ok with you?" 

 

"I hoped, mommy… but I know now that you and daddy are never going to be together again. And I can see how Matty makes you so happy. Tell you a secret? I think he loves you…" Salome giggled.

 

"You think so?" Ales giggled as well.

 

"Well, I cannot be sure, I am just a big child... But you can always ask him, just to have a confirmation! For example, you could ask him when he comes here for Christmas…"

 

"Yes... I should... Thank you, baby." Alex kissed her on the forehead and pulled her into a warm hug. 

 

And that is what she did. After dinner, she picked up the phone and called Matt. They talked about the day and they made a couple of jokes, until she manned up and asked him. She could see from his reaction that he never expected something like that. He was very surprised but extremely happy. Of course he would come to spend Christmas with her and Salome! Of course! Of course!

 

December 21st, 2013

 

9:41 pm. LA. 

 

And there she was, almost two weeks later, waiting for him to arrive from the airport.

 

Her living room looked like a still frame from a cheesy movie and her bedroom even more so, as it was filled with big unlit vanilla candles and white flower petals… in expectation of their first night. Alex herself was all (un)dressed up. She had a simple satin black dress which was complimenting all her curves. It was very long and falling like a waterfall on her blood-red River-like high heels. Open back!!! Very low open back! She felt daring enough to wear only silicone cups instead of a bra.

 

9:46 pm. LA.

 

Alex startled when she heard the door. She jumped off the sofa, shook her curls, put a bit of red lipstick on and went to open the door.

 

She opened the door taking a sensual pose and leaning on the door frame. His jaw dropped in the second he saw her. He swallowed hard and scanned her with his eyes from the top of her curls to the bottom of her heels. 

 

"Well… hello to you too, dearest wife! This is a hell of a welcome."

 

Alex crossed her hands at her chest in a useless attempt of covering herself.

 

"Ralph, what the hell are you doing here?"


	9. Fears and Tears

Ralph looked at Alex still scanning her with his eyes. 

 

“Ralph! I asked you what on Earth were you doing on my door steps?”

 

“Well, my sweet Alexandra… In that message of yours from last week, you accepted to go out for a pint sometimes.” He smiled. 

 

“Under pressure! Since you harassed me with thousands of texts!”

 

“You can block my number. I mean you do threaten me a lot, but you never deliver on your threats, for some reason. So, I was in the neighborhood and I decided to check if ‘sometimes’ could be now.” Ralph took a step inside, stretched a hand and grabbed her waist pulling her closer. Alex moved back very defensively.

 

“No! Leave! Sometimes is not now!!!” She said on a panicked voice. 

 

“Well, it could be now…” Ralph insisted while trying to reach for her once more.

 

“Leave now!!! I am waiting for someone!” Alex was slowly losing herself.

 

“I can be someone! You do not need him!” Ralph teased with a cheeky smile.

 

“NO! Definitely and utterly NOT! You cannot be someone! Leave! Just leave for heaven’s sake! You’re going to ruin everything!” Alex moved quickly towards him and pushed him out the door before he managed to take another step in. She suddenly felt irrationally stressed and her heart was racing.

 

Ralph rolled his eyes. “Why are you so stressed? What are you scared of, Alexandra?”

 

“YOU!” She shouted without blinking.

 

“Me? I am hurt…” Ralph whispered. “I honestly did nothing right now. Seriously. I will definitely leave! No need to go full psycho. But, Alexandra, don’t you for one second imagine that this is easy. I mean leaving like this, knowing for a fact that someone else will hold you in his arms tonight.”

 

Alex covered her face with the hands. She had to calm down. 

 

“Are you scared of me or… maybe you’re scared of this!” He gestures with a hand between them.

 

“You are ridiculous!” She accused. 

 

“Am I? Are you sure you are not afraid that the situation could degenerate? Are you sure you are not afraid that I could kiss you right now and you’d completely lose yourself and forget about that stupid boyfriend of yours? But I am not that big of a jerk, you know? Unlike everything you think.” Ralph looked at her with half a smile. “I will leave. Send my regards to Matt and tell him I advise him to enjoy the situation for as long as he can. Tell him to fully take advantage of his time, my sweetheart, because I am here to get my wife back and I will not give up!” He winked and left.  

 

Alex closed the door unable to say something. She realized her whole body was shaking. Oh, that man, that awful man! He had such a bad timing!

 

_~ You’re absolutely pathetic! ~_

 

Pathetic. The word resonated in her mind. Suddenly everything seemed like a very bad idea. Ralph was right. Ralph was always right.

 

She was too old… Too old for Matt! Oh heaven!!! What was she thinking???

 

She had to clean everything up before Matt arrived. Her idea was as stupid as she was! She also had to set the guest room for Matt… and… change. Yes…

 

Alex rushed to her bedroom. When she entered the room and saw the bed covered in white petals and the candles all around she felt like crying. She did not deserve that kind of romance! What was she thinking? What was she thinking???

 

Yes, Matt was the loveliest person in the world… and he made her feel good and… wanted… and loved… and… worthy! But, what about him? How did she make him feel? She was not the woman for such a special man!!! No. He deserved more… so much more. He was blinded by his love and that was why he could not realize his huge mistake. It was her duty, her absolute duty to save him! She had to save her savior! She could not let him ruin his life…

 

Oh… Matt… the sweet darling Matt…

 

What has she done??? Why did she allowed everything to happen… so stupid… so stupid!

 

Alex tried to ignore the romantic setting and to get to her wardrobe as soon as possible in order to change that dress and to put on some loose clothes! Yes… baggy clothes. Horrible clothes!

 

As her wardrobe doors were covered in mirrors, she managed to capture her reflection before being able to open the door. Alex felt so humiliated to see herself and she could suddenly feel burning tears falling down her cheeks.

 

_~ Look at you! Whom are you trying to fool? You are half a century old! Old!!! You are old and fat! Not mature and curvy. Old. And. Fat! Learn the difference! You are selfish and deluded! You blame Ralph and Florian but both your marriages ended because of your inability of being good enough! You don’t deserve anything like a proper relationship! You are going to destroy Matt’s nerves in the same way you annoyed every single man unfortunate enough to meet you! You complain for being the laugh of the press… but sweetheart, any publicity is good publicity! Especially when no one wants you in any productions! Be glad for having caused a scandal… at least you can still sustain the illusion that someone is interested in you. Illusion being the key word!!! Because they were not interested in you… they were interested in saving Matt from you! Saving Matt from the old hag from hell who clung herself to the poor guy! Pathetic! Utterly pathetic. You repel me!!! ~_

 

Alex reached for her wardrobe’s handle unable to stand the harsh judgment of her inner voice for a second more! The voice was right! But she just didn’t have to hear it anymore! She will do as the voice said! Really, she will do as told. Exactly as told! If only the voice could shut up!

 

When Alex moved her hand towards the handle, the woman in the mirror imitated the movement, reaching out for her. Alex froze. She consciously knew that the woman in the mirror was her reflection, that the hand that was reaching out for her was the counterpart of her hand reaching for the handle… However, it seemed to her that the woman in the mirror was someone else. The woman in the mirror was trying to stop her from opening the wardrobe.

 

The woman in the mirror seemed to stand tall; to look at her with piercing eyes.

 

“River?” Alex asked confused. But she knew! She was sure that the woman in the mirror was indeed River Song.

 

River had a disapproving look on her face. She was disapproving of Alex, but not in the same way the voice in her head was. No. River was disapproving of Alex for listening to that mean voice.

 

River was quiet. Unlike the voice in her head, River did not need words for transmitting thousands of thoughts. River blinked twice and smiled at her. Alex’s never been her own best friend, Alex’s never loved herself too much… but she had to ask herself a vital question: why? Why was her inner voice so aggressive, so harsh, and so judgmental?

_Alex, that’s just the Devil whispering into your year!_

_Alex, that’s just the Devil whispering…_

_Alex, that’s just the Devil…_

_The Devil…_

 

Alex’s mind went back in time. Oh, back in time revisiting some very, very dark days, and some very, very dark nights…

 

She tried to kill herself, she remembered.

 

She tried to kill herself because she felt worthless, useless, and pathetic! She felt worthless, useless, and pathetic because someone… a particular someone made her feel that way! And now he wanted her back? What for? To make her feel worthless, useless and pathetic again?

 

Alex let her eyes down when she realized that she was already feeling just like that! She’s allowed him to make her feel worthless, useless and pathetic once more…

 

Alex blinked. River was showing her the peace sign. River was holding the V right in front of her face. Alex was only half aware of the fact that she was also holding her hand like that; only half aware that River was a mere reflection of the mirror.

 

Alex looked at the sign but she knew better: that was not the peace sign and it was not the victory sign. Those were options. Those were her only two options for the night.

 

_1\. She could choose to allow Ralph make her feel worthless._

or

_2\. She could choose to allow Matt make her feel priceless._

 

Silence.

 

Alex let her hand drop.

 

Silence.

 

She could hear her own heart and the sound of the battle within…

 

Silence.

 

She could feel warm shivers thinking about Ralph touching her waist…

 

Silence.

 

She could see light in her eyes when Matt offered her the first bouquet of white flowers…

 

Silence.

 

She tried to think about Ralph again, but the image of Matt punching him in the face at the Britannia Awards popped into her mind.

 

Alex smiled and her smile became wider and wider!

 

Yes, she did have some unanswered questions about Ralph.

 

The thought of Ralph always made her feel miserable because she allowed it to make her feel so. Maybe she should approach him with a different attitude! No more shivering, no more scared. No more fears and no more tears! The past was in the past. She could not allow the claws of depression drag her down just because what? Because Ralph showed up to her door doing what? He did not insult her, he did not harassed her, he did not bully her… or anything in between. That was the voice in her head! The voice in her head went mental, so she went mental. Alex knew she had to cool down. She had to address all those unanswered questions about Ralph and his sudden interest in her.

 

Yes, she’s been avoiding the questions for ages. Yes, she’s been giving him satisfaction by answering to a lot of his silly texts. Yes, she’s never blocked his number. Yes, her heart was skipping beats at the thought that he’d be once again interested. Yes, she had to address the Ralph issue. She had to address the Ralph issue before stepping into a long-term relationship with Matt… she owed it to herself and she owed it to Matt.

 

But not right in that moment... she'd address the issues later...

 

Alex wiped her tears and looked around to check the time.

 

December 21st, 2013

 

10:45pm. LA.

 

She startled. It was so late!!! She needed to redo her make-up as soon as possible…

 

But it was so late… so late! Where was he??? He should have been there more no later than 9:45pm…

 

Where was he??? Did he arrive??? What did he see???

 

Where was Matt?!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> Just wanted to say that I am so tired of spending literally more than 15h per day in the library!!! I feel edgy and I am sleep deprived. Posting this Chapter was a sort of sweet short break!!! So I hope you liked it. I must admit that I enjoy writing about Alex's inner wars.
> 
> Next chapter will be on Monday, after I submit my dissertation!!! Yuuuhuu!!! I promise you a treat! But shush. Spoilers!


	10. For the first time in forever...

When it was already 11pm and Matt was still not there, Alex started feeling more than paranoid. The stress was killing her. Should she call him? However, exactly when she decided to call him she heard a knock on the door. She lit the candles on their dinner table very quickly and rushed to open. She took the precaution of looking through the eye this time. She smiled and her heart started racing. Finally! She felt so relieved. 

 

Alex opened the door and stood there gracefully looking at him. Matt smiled as he admired her. He had a laptop bag on one shoulder. One hand was resting on his suitcase and the other hand was hidden behind him.

 

Matt pushed his suitcase in and dropped the laptop bag beside it. Then waited as Alex closed the door before bringing his hidden hand into her sight. He offered her a very big bouquet of white peonies, roses and tulips. Alex grabbed it with a joyful smile and held it to her chest. Oh, how she expected that bouquet! 

 

“I bought these delicate flowers to match the beauty and the elegance of my hostess… but I am afraid that the poor unfortunate plants just faded in your presence. Alex… you are absolutely stunning.”

 

Alex smiled and hugged him. Matt held her close to his chest resting his cheek on hers.

 

“I have missed you…” She whispered.

 

“I dare not dream…” He replied placing a soft kiss at the edge of her lips, making Alex close her eyes in pleasure.

 

“Did you plan a night out? Did I… ruin anything?” Matt asked looking at her elegant outfit. She shook her head and only smiled.

 

“I am really sorry I arrived this late. The flight was delayed and I had to go to Karen’s first to pick the flowers. I thought about calling but I did not want to ruin the magic of me just showing up on your doorsteps.” Matt excused himself.

 

“It’s ok now… although I started getting a bit worried… and anxious… and very paranoid. I thought something might have happened to you.” She admitted. “Plus, I am quite hungry.” Alex smiled happily. Oh, she was so relieved that he had no idea about Ralph’s visit.

 

“I am really sorry, my love. But no worries, I am very hungry as well…”

 

“Good. Because I cooked many good things for us…”

 

Matt smile and bit his lower lip while looking at her. They were still standing in the hallway gazing at each other with shinning eyes and bright smiles. It wasn’t that they were suddenly feeling shy, or unsure of how to proceed. No, not at all. They felt perfectly comfortable and at ease. But they both understood the importance of the moment and wanted to stay locked in that precious instant for a bit longer… the instant that started a new chapter in both of their lives.

 

It was Matt who broke the silence with a soft voice and a tender caress on her cheeks. “So where are the delicacies waiting for us?”

 

Alex chucked and gave him her notoriously flirty smile – just in case he forgot what sort of devil’s daughter she was: “In the bedroom.”

 

Matt swallowed hard and looked at her with some sort of famish.

 

“But first we should eat. That food is in the living room… Shall we?” She invited him in with one hand, while still holding the bouquet with the other.

 

Matt’s heart melted at the sight of the living room. He could not believe she actually put so much effort in creating a date night for them. Since he’s always been the one wooing her and attempting to win her affection, he was more than pleasantly surprised by the romantic setting. Of course, Matt had known for a fact that this was going to be their night… but seeing all that? Well, it made his heart race and his stomach feel sick from butterflies! Oh, the wonderful woman he adored with every cell of his being wanted for their first night to be special… memorable… genuinely significant!

 

He took his seat and looked at Alex placing her bouquet in the empty vase that waited on the table.

 

“I fell in love with your bouquets… I’ve actually never felt so excited about flowers before…” She confessed.

 

“Oh, is this so? Why? With what are my bouquets special? Dare I ask…” He grinned while she poured the wine.

 

“Well… to start with, I will never be able to see a white flower again without associating it with you. And then, there is your story with the snow… You know, how white flowers are what happens to snow in spring… it just… well, I don’t know how to express it in words. As soon as I visualized in my head this magical transformation from flowers to snow and from snow to flowers… I started associating your bouquets with an incomparable image of beauty, tenderness, reverie…”

 

“This is the most delightful description I have heard in my life… and you are the most delightful person I had the honour to meet…”

 

Alex blushed terribly and covered her mouth with one hand. She fought some tears in her eyes. Oh, what was the ridiculous man doing to her? How could someone possibly love her so much? With every word he said, with every gesture he attempted, he just poured love on her… She felt sick only at the thought that she almost ruined everything with her sudden emotional breakdown.

 

“Thank you…” She said only a little louder than a whisper. “Thank you, Matt…”

 

“Ow, precious. A lady must never thank for a well-deserved compliment.” He winked.

 

“No, I wasn’t thanking you for the compliment. I was thanking you for this past month, for your feelings, and for trying… for putting up with me and for giving me a chance in a way in which no one else gave me before. When I refused attending the anniversary, you repeatedly asked for a chance… but this is not your chance, Matt. This is my chance and I hope with all my heart that I will not ruin it… because I want to want everything you have to offer to me, but I am scared.”

 

Matt smiled full of understanding and raised his glass: “This is not your chance, nor mine… it’s our chance, Alex. And I do understand that you are scared, this is why we are taking it slowly. So cheers for new beginnings, for full-hearted attempts, and for promises of sincere love, friendship and affection.”

 

Alex raised her glass and clang it to his. “Amen.”

 

After they sipped from their wines in order to reinforce their toast, Alex went to the kitchen to bring the starters. Their extremely late supper went on pleasantly, with laughter and light conversation. They enjoyed every bit of each other’s presence, and definitely every bit of Alex’s delicious food. The desert – an amazing fruit cake with chocolate and cream – made Matt moan in pleasure.

 

“I have never tasted anything so delicious before… but something tells me that the cake will only hold its record for a very short period of time…”

 

Alex giggled and blushed.

 

“Do you want to waltz, Alex?” he asked her with a smile.

 

“What? Now?” She asked very confused.

 

“Yes…” he replied with the same soft smile on his face. “I would love to see how that attractive dress compliments your curves when you move…”

 

Alex smiled. “Yes… sure. I love waltzing actually. But do you know how to? As in properly?”

 

“Oh, Alex. I am not such a rough diamond as you consider me to be. I will prove it to you. But first…” Matt stood up and took his phone out of his fitted jeans. “Can I connect my smartphone to your smart-TV? Youtube would be the easiest way for music.”

 

“Yes sure…” Alex invited him. Matt quickly dealt with the technological details.

 

“So…” He looked at her with a smile and his phone in his hand. “Let’s go for a very classic classic! What do you say about _The Blue Danube_ by Strauss Jr.?”

 

Alex’s jaw almost dropped with surprise mixed with pleasure: “Oh wow… now that is indeed a very classic classic… I am impressed.”

 

Matt smiled and pressed play. He then left his phone on the table and slowly walked towards her. He bowed a bit in front of her offering her a hand. Alex made a small curtsy and took his hand. Matt elegantly pulled her closer to him and placed his right hand on her back. Alex smiled as she placed her left hand on his shoulder. Matt kissed her right hand that was clasped together with his left one, then stretched them both at shoulder’s height and he started leading her in dance.

 

They sank into music and allowed their minds to dream away. None of them said anything while gracefully waltzing across the room. Alex was extremely surprised by Matt. Not that she wanted to be mean, but how did he manage to coordinate those long limbs so perfectly? And how did he know how to waltz like that? No, he was not simply dancing with her on fancy classical music, he was feeling the rhythm of the composition while performing a flawless societal dance. She felt like a princess attending a ball in a fairytale.

 

She was so lost in their harmony that she didn’t even feel when he sneakily picked the phone and changed the melody closely before it finished… Oh, Shostakovich’s _Second W_ _altz_ … Oh, Tchaikovsky’s _Waltz of the Flowers_ … then a couple she had to admit that she did not recognize and then the _Swan Lake Waltz_ … and back to _The Blue Danube_ …

 

Alex had no idea when she closed her eyes… But she danced with her eyes closed for a long time when she felt like floating in the air…

 

It was only when he placed a soft kiss on her lips that she realized she was indeed floating! She was in his arms and carried out from the living room and up the stairs to the bedroom. Matt opened the door with his elbow – he knew from his previous visit where her bedroom was. His eyes became shinny and delighted at the sight of the bed covered in white petals… oh… that incredible woman!

 

Matt carried her to the middle of the room then he slowly let her down. He placed his hands delicately around her neck and leaned over to kiss her. His lips exploded on hers. And when Alex wrapped her arms around his middle he pulled her closer.

 

After kissing her for several long minutes, Matt moved his hands down her shoulders and gently turned her around. He dragged her closer to his chest while bending to kiss her neck from behind. His hands moved down following her waistline and then they rested on her belly. Matt pulled her closer to him, letting her feel how much he desired her. Alex closed her eyes in pleasure while Matt continued kissing her neck and resting his arms on her belly.

 

As Matt started making his way down towards her right shoulders, Alex felt how her knees began to melt. As his mouth reached her shoulder, his left hand rested on her left breast putting a bit of pressure on her nipple. Alex moaned. Matt removed his hands from her belly and bosom and slowly brought them to her back while continuing kissing her. He removed his lips from her skin before slowly placing his hands on her shoulders. With an elegant move Matt pulled aside the braces of her dress… he simply let it fall being fascinated by the way in which the black satin danced in the air before hitting the ground.

 

Alex gasped and Matt slowly turned her to face him again. He admired her for several seconds and then he bent to kiss her. Still kissing her he lifted her in his arms and carried her to bed… Matt felt like his heart could explode when he laid her down on that bed of petals… She looked divine… and that was an understatement! She smiled at him and stretched her arms to invite him in.

 

“Matt…” he heard her softly. 

 

But Matt just smiled at Alex’s soft whisper! He admired her a bit more, wanting to memorize the image: white petals, golden curls, pale skin, black lace knickers, invisible bra and blood-red high heels… If that was not the Devil whispering into his ear, then the whole concept of hell was an invention!

 

Matt spotted the matches on her bed table. He smiled and started lighting the candles. When the vanilla candles were all lit around the room, Matt turned off the light and started moving towards the bed while taking off his shirt… unbuttoning it teasingly slow! He removed his phone from his pocket and put it on her bed desk. 

 

He climbed atop of her and started kissing her delicately on the lips, and neck and down towards her breast. Matt removed the silicon bra and threw it on the floor. He blinked several times admiring her.

 

“Oh…” He said with ecstasy. And that was all that he could mouth! Then he bent to kiss those beautiful creatures. Alex felt like exploding. Matt’s hands were caressing her whole body while he was kissing her breasts. No… Matt’s hands were waltzing across her whole body while he was kissing her breasts. Suddenly Alex’s mind got filled with _The Blue_ _Danube_ … the more she let her mind play the notes of the beautiful composition, the more she was convinced that Matt was also playing the waltz in his head. The way in which his kisses landed on her skin and the delicate dance of his hands matched perfectly the rhythm of their melody… their melody? Yes… their melody!

 

Alex startled when Matt stopped kissing her. She opened the eyes she had no memory of closing and looked at him with lust. Matt smiled as he unzipped his jeans and removed them. Then he proceeded to take off her bikinis. He sensually slid them down her legs which were slightly up and parted. He tossed them aside. Then he bent her knees and enjoyed to see how her blood-red heels impaled the innocent petals. Matt slid between her legs placing soft kisses on her inner tights.

 

“Matt… I swear I will finish before you even get to touch me…” She cried.

 

Matt smiled and took her order! He placed his lips on her lower lips and started sucking on them. Alex gasped and filled her hands with flower petals, destroying the delicate velvet leafs in her fists. She let the dead petals fall and she stretched her hands to grab his hair. But there was not enough of it…

 

“Matt! I want your hair back… I want to be able to pull it!” Alex complained.

 

Matt just laughed and raised his head: “Your wish is my command.” He then started placing kisses on her belly and up to her breasts and neck and mouth. He laid atop of her and started to move slowly. Alex’s hands ended up scratching his back! Matt let out a painful moan as her nails tattooed his skin. She smiled and moved her hands towards his bottom starting sliding his boxers down.

 

Matt smiled and threw them aside. Then, while still kissing her, he reached for his phone with one hand. It was not very far away. He lit the screen and pressed the play button on the last song… _The Blue Danube_.

 

“Oh… I was completely sure that you had it stuck in your head as well! I felt it from the way in which you moved your hands…” Alex smiled.

 

Matt responded to her smile and on the slow rhythm from the beginning of the waltz he entered her. Alex left out a cry of satisfaction. Matt imitated her. And they both started waltzing…

 

They had no idea for how long they’d been lost in their fantasy when Alex placed her curly head on his chest. Matt smiled and hugged her dearly. Then he moved one of his hands to caress his cheeks and he froze when he felt tears rolling down on them.

 

“Alex…” he whispered in distress. “What happened?” He raised her head to see her eyes.

 

“Oh… nothing. Don’t mind me…”

 

“You are crying… of course I mind you!” he said filled with worry.

 

Alex kissed him softly while more tears fell on her cheeks. “Oh, it’s just… it’s been more than half a decade since I last experienced this…”

 

Matt frowned: “I am completely sure this cannot be true…”

 

“No… I didn’t mean sex! Matt, darling. I am not a nun, for heaven's sake! I meant… someone making love to me… someone actually making love to me and not only shagging me… It's... it's different... feels different...” She bit her lip trying to blink away some tears.

 

Matt pulled her to his chest and started kissing her tears away and her curls and her lips and her curls again: “Oh, my precious sweetheart… I have no idea what kind of boys you’ve had in your life, but it’s a good thing that now you’ve got a real man to protect you, to take care of you and to spoil you.”

 

Alex’s heart simply melted but she could not hold back a giggle: “Oh, the irony!”

 

Matt also laughed: “I have no idea what you mean.”

 

He covered her in the duvet while protectively holding her to his chest. It didn’t take long for them to feel the sleep caressing their eyelashes. Right before completely losing touch with the reality she heard him whispering her name in a sleepy voice: 

 

“Alex…”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Can you please make pancakes for breakfast? With Nutella and bananas…”

 

Alex giggled almost asleep: “Your wish is my command, my darling.”

 

“Thank you… you are the perfect girlfriend!” he said right before falling asleep.

 

Alex smiled. Yes. Yes, she was! She was his girlfriend indeed and she liked the sound of it… She wasn’t convinced about the “perfect” part, but - as sure as a River always reaches the sea - she would try her very best! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dobby is a free elf! <3 <3 <3 
> 
> I am so happy and hyper right now. I just submitted my dissertation and everything feels surreal. 
> 
> Ah yes, and I lied. Nothing bad happened to Matt. I'll try again next time. Haha. Hope you enjoyed this romantic chapter (I know, really not my style. Don't get too used to it. Or maybe... who knows? Spoilers.) 
> 
> And if your mind is filled with The Blue Danube and you feel like waltzing like crazy around the room, you're welcome!!! 
> 
> I send all of you lots of kisses and love. XoXo


	11. Our First Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my sweeties. I got sooo bored of refreshing the page and having no updates. So I gave in and decided to post my next chapter earlier. I hope to motivate you into doing the same. Pretty please??? Sweets for sweets? Xx

January 5th, 2014 

 

“Alex… my love! Please, don’t do this to me!” Matt said with sad desperate eyes. “How am I supposed to endure half a day of traveling when I leave you in this condition?”

 

“I am sorry, darling… Sorry. Sorry. It’s just that I don’t want you to leave. I am sorry. I know you have to… but after these two weeks… it’s so difficult.” Alex said through tears.

 

Matt hugged her and started kissing her curls: “I know, beautiful… but we’ll manage. We’ve discussed this. You’ll come to London for Valentine’s…”

 

Alex left out a couple more painful sobs. “But it’s more than a month away!” She complained.

 

Matt felt his heart breaking. He didn’t know what to do! What was he supposed to do? She was crying because of him and he could not endure it.

 

“My love, my love…” He didn’t know what to say to her. Exactly in that moment they heard the last boarding call. Matt looked behind him at the gate. Then back at Alex.

 

“Go… I will be fine.” She attempted to smile. She pressed her lips on his and left some tears on his cheeks.

 

“I love you!!!” Matt replied to her kiss, turned around and ran to the gate.

 

And so, when Alex left the airport, her eyes were red from crying.

 

December 22nd, 2013

 

“Wake up, sweetie…” Alex said on a soft voice.

 

“Mmm… no.” Matt protested a little, but smiled.

 

Alex looked at the breakfast tray on which two plates with many already rolled up pancakes were waiting. Next to these plates were two big glasses of banana and strawberry juice, plus a bowl with cut bananas and a jar of Nutella in case they desired more filling in their pancakes. Alex took the little spoon out of the jar and covered her lips in Nutella. Then she bent to kiss him. Matt’s eyes opened wide!

 

“This is plain cheating!” He complained while licking and sucking on her lips. Matt rolled over her and landed on top of her. It was his turn to cover his lips in Nutella and to tease her.

 

“I love your shirt, Kingston.” He said while admiring the way in which his shirt looked on her. “But why are you dressed?” He inquired with a frown.

 

“Maybe because I do not have it in my habits to cook naked…” She replied sassily. 

 

“What about eating naked?”

 

“I could compromise…” She said matterly of fact.

 

Matt laughed and started unbuttoning her *ah… his* shirt. He stripped her completely and grabbed the jar of Nutella.

 

“Those pancakes look amazing my love, but would you mind if I keep them for desert?”

 

“Nonononono!!!” Alex tried to stop him by taking the chocolate jar from his hands.

 

“Shush!” He looked at her very commanding. “My breakfast.” As he stayed like that on top of her, with his legs straddling her waist, Matt noticed the mirrors covering the wardrobe. He bit his lip watching his reflection. “Oh… Kingston! I love how those mirrors reflect everything that’s happening in this bed. I will surely adore playing games with you…”

 

He started spreading chocolate on her. Alex still tried to protest for a while, but she eventually gave in when he started eating her up. She felt like exploding!

 

Their pancake breakfast turned into a ravishing sex game. Matt made her lose her minds completely!

 

“Faster, faster, faster!” He urged her. This time he was laid on his back, perpendicularly on the bed’s length, with Alex leading the game in her knees atop of him. She was completely facing the mirror! The same mirror that saved her from making a huge mistake the previous night.

 

“Look at yourself!” Matt managed to say with great difficulty. His hands were on her thighs and his body was shaking in pleasure. “Are you looking at yourself???”

 

The woman in the mirror winked at her. Alex smiled! Oh, River, you naughty girl - Alex thought. She was glad to notice that her mind was quiet – well, no, her mind was filled with the indecent noises she was making, but quiet from the sounds of her horrendous inner voice!

 

“Alex!” Matt demanded.

 

“YES! YES! YES!” She screamed back.

 

“Good! Don’t you dare, not even for one second to remove your eyes from that mirror! Clear? Don’t blink! Don’t even blink!” He ruled.

 

“No. I won’t…” She obeyed.

 

“Now move even faster!”

 

Alex did as commanded! She had no idea what sort of hardcore cardio he had in his mind! But she would literally never have to go to gym again!

 

She felt Matt’s body shaking underneath her and his notorious groans could wake up her whole neighbourhood! She knew he was almost there and so was she.

 

Alex looked her reflection in the eyes as she screamed out! Matt followed within seconds.

 

He removed his hands from her thighs and grabbed his head with them. His chest was heavily moving up and down. His body was trembling. Alex rolled over and laid on her back next to him. She didn’t say anything. She just turned her head to one side to look at him. Matt needed some full five minutes to calm down. Alex didn’t remove her eyes from him the entire time! She looked with a splendid satisfaction at him as he was trying so hard to regain his composure.

 

“Hm…” Matt cleared his voice and removed his hands from his face. He turned his head towards her. He smiled seeing her bragging expression. “You Miss are no lady!”

 

“Oh, darling. I would thank you, but I’ve been told that women should never thank for the compliments they receive.” She said sassily.

 

“You’ve been told right! Now… please, can I have two pancakes.”

 

Alex laughed and stood up a little so that she could grab some pancakes.

 

December 23rd, 2013

 

Christmas shopping proved to be a nightmare with two naughty children who demanded her constant supervision! They drove her nuts! Alex could not bear it anymore.

 

“FINE!” She shouted in the middle of the supermarket. Matt and Salome startled. “Go freaking buy whatever you want and leave me be! I will buy the things I need for my Christmas dinner and for the cakes and you will leave me alone! You don’t know me! You go your own way to buy your silly little things, I go my own way to buy mine. Clear? Don’t you dare to approach me again until I leave this shop or I will literally kill you both!”

 

“Yes, ma’am!” Matt saluted and Salome laughed.

 

“She’s like that most of the time. Welcome to the Kingston manor. We hope you will enjoy your stay!” Said the pre-teen with amusement.

 

“Get lost!” Alex threatened again.

 

December 25th, 2013

 

Those two days before Christmas, Matt and Salome had a great time decorating the house while Alex closed herself in the kitchen in order to prepare an endless round of dishes. Alex invited many of her friends over for dinner on Christmas day and she could not wait to introduce Matt to everyone!

 

The Christmas tree her two babies decorated was amazing! She was really proud of them, but she was even more proud to see them having so much fun together and genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

 

On Christmas morning they opened their presents and had a delicious brunch in three. Salome was very excited about everything she received! She was jubilating around her presents, but at some point she just stopped and started tucking them under the tree again. Alex frowned.

 

“What’s the matter, love?”

 

“11:20! Ten minutes!!!” Salome declared.

 

“10 minutes to what?” Alex asked in confusion.

 

“The Time of the Doctor, of course! It starts at 7:30pm British time. So in 10 minutes!”

 

“Ah…” Alex’s smile froze and her heart started aching. “Sweetie, I am not sure Matt wants to see it.”

 

“Of course I want to see it, don't be silly! Come on, turn it on! I don’t want to miss a thing!” Matt started clapping.

 

“Great!” Alex said with a fake smile she hoped none of them could spot. Her mood suddenly sank and her heart felt like breaking. When she told Salome that maybe Matt would not want to watch the episode, what she really meant was that she did not want to watch it under any circumstances. But what could she do?

 

The three of them started watching the Christmas Special. Salome was on the floor, in front of the TV, with her legs crossed, while Matt and Alex were on the sofa. Alex had her legs up and was leaning on his shoulder. Matt had his arms all wrapped around her.

 

“Ah… This was brilliant!!! So sad… but brilliant!” Salome declared and turned around to look at Matt. Matt was smiling, with a bit of a sad smile, but smiling.

 

“Mom…” Salome said with an uncertain voice.

 

It was only then that Matt realized Alex had her head sank in his chest. Her curls were being forced not to bounce, in order to pretend that everything was in order, but Matt suddenly became very aware of the tension in Alex’s body.

 

“Alex…” Matt said softly.

 

When she heard his voice she cracked. She could no longer keep her crying silent. She started sobbing out loud.

 

“Mommy…” Salome was worried and slowly becoming sad.

 

“It’s ok, poppet. She’ll be fine. I will deal with it… Mind if I ask you to go in your room for a little while? I promise she will be fine when you come back.”

 

Salome nodded and did as told. When Matt heard the girl’s door being shut, he grabbed Alex by her shoulders and removed her from his chest.

 

“Hey… hey… my love?”

 

“I don’t want you to leave…” She cried. Her eyes and cheeks were red and Matt felt like dying when seeing her like that. “I know I said… and…” She was barely speaking through the sobs. “I said… that it was time… and that… and… and I am stupid, because… and selfish… because… because you were sad… and now I am... making a drama… when… when you should be the one… sad… but… but you were so old… and vulnerable… and you let the bow tie fall! And… Amy…”

 

Matt could not help but chuckle a little: “Do you even begin to understand how much I adore you? For little things like these… You are just incredible.” He declared.

 

“But… aren’t you sad?” She insisted.

 

“No. I cannot be sad when I am holding you in my arms. You know what? I cannot be sad anymore over leaving Doctor Who. I told you that all the sadness erupted from the fear of losing you. River was the only piece of you I was allowed to have… I would have cried my soul out while watching this episode if this was still the case! But it isn’t. Now I am allowed to have all of you. The real you. So I do not care that much about you being my River. You’re my Alex and this is more important than anything else. So no, I am not sad. It was an amazing episode and I loved it… Please don’t be sad either…”

 

Alex shook her head and started to calm down slowly. She wiped away her tears and lied down with her head on his legs. He started caressing her hair while watching her breath evening out.

 

“I am here, my love. You do not need me on a TV screen and with a bow-tie on. I am here and I will always be wherever you need me to be…”

 

December 31st, 2013

 

Alex wore a fantastic red dress, haute couture Elie Saab from the autumn/winter 2013 collection. She admired herself in the mirror. She felt good. Her hair was elegantly tamed into a half updo. With her curls away from her face, Alex’s amazing white gold chandelier earrings were very visible.

 

“Precious…” He called her from the bathroom.

 

“Stop it, Matt!” She rolled her eyes. She "hated" that petname. 

 

She could hear him laughing. Alex was still posing in the mirrors of her wardrobe when Matt exited the bathroom in his skinny suit pants and his impeccable white shirt.

 

“Bow tie or long tie?” Matt froze in his place when he saw her. Alex turned to face him with a sassy smile.

 

“It’s not as if you had an option, sweetie!”

 

“Bow tie it is, commander in chief!” Matt saluted and started moving towards her. “Alex…” He whispered with his eyes on fire. “You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen… Why are you wearing that dress?”

 

“You don’t like it?” Alex frowned.

 

“I adore it… But I wanted to enjoy the ultra-fancy Hollywood New Year Party without having to police around you all the time!” Matt rolled his eyes with fake annoyance. “Are you even aware of how many blokes will stare at you??? And at that cleavage?” Matt almost stamped his feet on the floor which made Alex laugh very hard. 

 

“You are such a jealous little boy. But for your knowledge, I didn’t dress up for any of the men who will eventually stare at me. I dressed up for you to stare at me! I dressed up for you to eat me up with your eyes an entire night… for you to blink with the regret that you waste one fraction of a second in which you could have looked at me!”

 

Matt wrapped his arms around her and placed a soft kiss on her neck. “Alex, my love, you could wear a potato bag and I would still eat you up with my eyes an entire night, I would still blink with the regret that I wasted one fraction of a second in which I could have looked at you…”

 

“Oh, darling…” She said in delight.

 

“Help me with my bow tie?” He asked kissing her cheek. Alex smiled and did as told.

 

They arrived at the party somewhere around 8pm. The venue was a magnificent hotel and Alex accepted attending the event at the insistences of Clooney. Exactly as Matt anticipated, Alex turned a lot of heads.

 

The two were lively socializing when Alex, with the corner of her eye, saw Ralph entering the hall. She tried to maintain the same chatty and smiley attitude, being thankful for the fact that Matt was with his back at the entrance. For more than half an hour she managed to avoid any kind of encounter, but Alex was sure that this lucky situation was inevitably going to end. When she saw Ralph going towards the restroom, she waited for another couple of minutes, then she excused herself and followed him. She walked extremely slowly to give him time to exit the restroom and to meet her, casually, on the hallway.

 

“Oh… mirror, mirror on the wall! Who’s the fairest of them all?” Ralph said on a sweet voice.

 

“What are you doing here, Ralph?” Alex asked rolling her eyes.

 

“I was just exiting the bathroom?”

 

“I mean at the party!” Alex snapped.

 

“Ah… excuse my impertinence, but this is one of the most snobbish parties at Hollywood. This is actually my entourage. What are _you_ doing here, Alexandra?” 

 

Alex rolled her eyes some more. She did not know what to reply. He did have a point.

 

“But I know what you’re doing here. You are parading your trophy beau.” Ralph accused.

 

“He is not…” Alex tried to calm down. “Ralph, please. Just please!” She begged.

 

“Alexandra, sweetheart, I cannot read your mind. Beg, would you mind elaborating on your pleas?” He smiled devilish.

 

“Please, can you ignore me? I really do not want a scandal. I anyway feel very ashamed because of what happened at the Britannia Awards. Matt still does not know you are here, but he will surely experience a rise in testosterone level when he will figure out. Please don’t lit the powder keg.”

 

“What’s in for me?”

 

“You’ll have my gratitude for one evening. Which is something you do not deserve at all. So you should really take it!” Alex replied with equally devilish eyes.

 

“Oh, wow! I am surprised and shocked by the high level of altruism you’re showing tonight.” Ralph replied sarcastically.

 

“You should indeed! And please do not tell Matt about the texts. In what you’re concerned the last time we interacted was at the Awards. Ok?”

 

“Liar, liar, pants on fire. I will take your offer, but you owe me more than a coffee. Let’s say a whole day out, for us to be able to talk and to mend our differences. For me to be able to properly apologize and to beg you to try to forgive me and to at least attempt to be less… angry.” Ralph said with sad eyes walking towards her. Alex took three steps back.

 

“Ralph, I do not owe you anything in this world!”

 

“Alexandra… you are the most beautiful woman at this party. You can make all the stars of your precious Doctor look insignificant while compared to your radiance. I am giving up, for this whole night, the right to look at you. I swear I will stay as far away as possible, I will try - if there is any chance – to avoid meeting Matt, not to cause you any kind of problems. I will definitely hide the fact that we’ve kept in touch for more than a month now, that you did not block my number – although you threatened to do so a lot of times. I will not even mention that you initiated 3 conversations, out of which two were way past 11pm… I will mention none of these uncomfortable truths to your precious beau. I will be a proper gentleman and go nowhere near the woman who took my breath away. Don’t you think that at least from these reasons you owe me at least the chance to beg for your forgiveness?” Ralph put a hand on her waist.

 

“Ok. I will offer you a day, after Matt leaves.” Alex said without moving.

 

“When is he leaving?” Ralph inquired.

 

“January 5th.” She replied with sad eyes.

 

“Call me when you’re ready.” He took one step closer. Alex fought hard the urge to swallow.

 

“I will definitely not call you.”

 

“Yes, you will. You have to take your time to dry your tears after he leaves. I would definitely not want to intrude your privacy. Just please make sure it’s in January, I’ll be in Europe in February and March.” Ralph leaned and placed a kiss on her cheek with his lips slightly parted and holding it for a second too long. “I am so sorry. I would fall on my knees right now to earn your pardon if that is what it takes.”

 

Alex remained petrified.

 

_~ Are you disappointed Alex? Did you hope the kiss would fall somewhere else! ~_

 

“Shut the hell up and don't you dare!” Alex thought at herself almost missing the moment when Ralph excused himself.

 

“Now if you will excuse me.” Ralph took a little bow. “Have a wonderful evening and the happiest of years! Tell Matt that he is an incredibly lucky guy and that he should value his luck with all his being. I was a lucky guy once and I failed to appreciate it.”

 

Then he left without saying anything else. Alex felt extremely puzzled. She entered the restroom and applied a bit of powder before returning to the party. When she saw Matt her face became sunny and a wide smile curved her lips.

 

Ralph did not know anything! The lucky person in that couple was not Matt. It was her… she was the lucky one who had to learn to value her luck with all her being, she was the lucky one who had to always appreciate what was hers…

 

Matt wrapped his hands around her waist. “I will never get bored of telling you how beautiful you are.”

 

“And I will never get bored of thanking you for trying to save my soul from damnation… Don't let me go, please.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oopsico! Is that trouble that I am smelling??? I spy with my eye a certain Devil becoming an annoyingly frequent guest star in this play. Hm... 
> 
> (Oh, and btw. Here is the dress I was having in mind as Alex's New Year Party outfit. I completely adore it. 
> 
> http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kj53vwWIyMc/UdQ_K-4mcuI/AAAAAAAAqSE/KU5mIy1E6x8/s675/MARC004.450x675.JPG
> 
> http://www.gofugyourself.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/172543288_10-390x586.jpg
> 
> http://i00.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v0/1558979654_1/2014-Elie-Saab-A-Line-V-Neck-Open-Back-Long-Sleeves-Brilliant-Beaded-Lace-Taffeta-Red.jpg )


	12. "Our" Thing

The tall blonde model moved sensually towards him. She bent over him and placed her lips on his.

 

“Here’s your whiskey.” She declared giving him the ice cold glass. It was quite early in the morning and she wore nothing but her knickers and his shirt wrongly buttoned up.

 

“Yeah. Thanks.” He said barely replying to her kiss and grabbing the glass. He was half laid on the sofa in his boxers and having a white t-shirt on top. He looked moody.

 

“Are you really going to make abstraction of my ring?” She complained throwing herself on the nearest armchair. Her long and skinny legs rested on the coffee table.

 

“Oh, yeah. Didn’t notice. Sorry. Congrats.” He said lost in his thoughts.

 

“I scratched you with it yesterday night! On purpose. And you did not notice?” She accused.

 

“Dianne… I could not care less, ok?” He snapped.

 

“Aren’t you at least slightly jealous?” Dianne insisted.

 

“You think your ring makes any difference? Dianne, you’re still going to be one phone call away.”

 

She stood up feeling very angry and threw a couple of cushions at him before crossing her arms.  

 

“You’re despicable!”  

 

“Dianne, you are a model thanks to me! You have a nice career and get a lot of money, clothes, perfumes, make-up and all the other useless items a material girl like you cares about. Why are you complaining? Really! What more do you expect from me? Did you ever entertain the illusion I was going to put a ring on your finger? Please! Be glad someone did…” He rolled his eyes.

 

“She’s not going to call!” Dianne snapped back. 

 

“Go post a picture on your Instagram and leave me be.”

 

“Ralph! You’re pathetic! You got all this middle-age crisis wrong! Seriously!!! Where in this world have you heard of men hitting the middle age crisis and running back to their menopause middle aged wives?!? Are you serious? Have you seen her? All those lines on her face? The circles under her eyes? The horror! She must be three times my size!!!” Dianne threw herself back on the armchair.

 

“If you value your financial security, shut up.” Ralph threatened.

 

“Seriously now… Stop threatening me! I am trying to understand. I want to help you. That's what I do! Be honest. What is that you want with that woman? You cannot actually be attracted to her, can you?!? I mean… why would you? Seriously, why? This cannot be about Alex! I am damn sure this is not about Alex. This must be some sort of Alfa male fight! You don’t want Alex! What you want is to take her from that Matt guy… Am I right?” Dianne asked with a serious face.

 

“No…”

 

“Ralph!” Dianne’s tone was the one of a teacher knowing her pupil was telling a lie.

 

“Not mainly! Ok? Not mainly. I approached Alex before I knew about her boyo! But yes!!! Fine, I admit that seeing her in the arms of a kid definitely had an effect. But it’s not only this. Really! I swear that I also feel guilty and… oh, come on! You will never understand.” He looked sad and tried to dismiss her attempt of talking with the waving of a hand. She didn’t seem to notice.

 

“Try me!” She insisted.

 

“Truth is that I got bored with the meaningless relationships girls like you have to offer. No offence, sweetheart, really! But I want to feel loved again… I want the love of a real woman like Alexandra, like Francesca… I know now that I never appreciated the fact that I have received love at its purest form…” Ralph downed the glass. “I just thought she’d call… that’s all. I really thought she’d call. I asked her to call before February and here we are. February 1st. Still no phone ca…”

 

In that moment his phone started ringing. Dianne looked at the phone lying on the coffee table with a frown and jumped to get it.  

 

“Oh look! It’s Alexandra…” She said with a grin. “Should I answer?”

 

“Don’t you dare!!!” Ralph jumped off the sofa in a heartbeat. Dianne started laughing and running around the large living room. He felt like going mad!

 

“Dianne!!! Dianne this is not a joke for fuck’s sake!!! Give me the phone!” He shouted at her.

 

"I'll answer!" 

 

"NO! Give me the phone!" 

 

“Or what?”

 

“Dianne… if that thing stops ringing before I answer, I swear to God I will not be responsible for my actions!” He looked more terrifying that Voldemort himself. Dianne rolled her eyes and threw him the phone. Ralph caught it and answered.

 

“Oh wow. I began to lose hope that this would ever happen…” Ralph greeted her.

 

 _“Hello to you too, Ralph.”_ Alex said rolling her eyes. _“I called. Now what?”_

 

“Oh, come on Alexandra. Please. Can you be less passive aggressive? Please… I am really trying here.”

 

 _“Yes, Ralph, but you see… the thing is I don’t really want you to try…”_  She complained.

 

“Then why did you call?” Ralph inquired.

 

_“You told me to…”_

“Yes, I did… but what means of pressuring you in doing as told did I have? Come on, Alexandra. You called because you wanted to call. Plus, it’s February…”

 

 _“Is it too late? Shall I hung up?”_ She offered.

 

“No! Please don’t…” Ralph laid back down on the sofa. Dianne looked at him with an evil grin and went towards the sofa laying on top of him. He obviously could not loudly protest because Alex would have heard.

 

 _“Ok so… I promised you something. We can meet. What do you have in mind, Ralph?”_ Alex inquired.

 

“Do you really want to know?” He replied on a flirty tone and laughed when he heard her sniffing at his words. “Joking. So I actually thought…” (Dianne started kissing his neck and tried to dip her hands under his shirt) “I actually thought…” (Ralph punctuated every word as he pulled Dianne’s hair back forcing her to break the kiss. Then he gave her an utterly deadly look. Dianne continued to smile provoking him with her eyes.) “Well… I thought… You know what? Can I call you in five? I actually just got out of the shower. I was running to answer the phone and I still have shower gel all over me and the tap is running…”

 

Alex laughed and the sound of her laughter made his heart skip a beat.

 

_“Whatever. Bye…”_

When Alex ended the phone call. Ralph pushed Dianne away and stood up.

 

“Get out!”

 

“Oh, come on. I was joking!” She excused herself.

 

“Joking? Are you utterly insane, woman? What kind of joke was that one? Are you unable to understand that this is very important for me? I have one chance, you idiot!!! One chance! Right now, the odds of me succeeding in getting my wife back are as high as the odds of surviving a plane crash!”

 

Dianne let her eyes down: “Do you really, really want her?”

 

“I desperately want her back! Yes! Now please… go make some shop assistant happy with your debit card full of my money!” He threw back at her.

 

Dianne turned around and was prepared to leave the living room to get dressed. Right before exiting she turned around facing him once again.

 

“Actually, you know what? I want to say something.” She confessed.

 

Ralph rolled his eyes: “What is it, now?”

 

“You said you wanted the love of real women, like Alex and Fran. Well, I am sorry but you simply are not what real women need and want! You cannot support a real woman because a real woman would want more from you than just your money!!! A real woman would want commitment, emotional stability, protection… A real woman would want to put you in a leash, because she puts herself in one just for you! If you entertain the thought that Alex would ever feel secure with you, baby, you are senile! She would never trust you again no matter what you do. Alex will never in her life trust you again! No matter what her hormones tell her now, no matter what her confused thoughts make her say. Ralphy, baby, you are not good enough for a woman like Alex! Never were. And that’s exactly why you’re stuck with me.” She winked and turned to leave.

 

“Dianne… Di!”

 

“What now???” She replied turning around once more.

 

“Come here please… Come on.” He said on a sweet voice opening his arms. Dianne rolled her eyes and went towards him. He dragged her into an embrace and started kissing her. “I am sorry for what I said… you know I never actually mean to offend or hurt you.”

 

“That’s because you have no power to hurt me, or to offend me. No worries, Ralph. I don’t care about you any more than you care about me. I'm just using you, stupid man. Moreover, I am absolutely positive I am right in what concerns you, Alex, and Matt. So go ahead. Have fun with your precious ex-wife and call me when you get bored of her, or before. I don't do monogamy and neither do you.” She kissed him one more time and left.

 

Ralph didn’t say anything anymore. He waited for Dianne to leave the house and for him to calm down and shake off his bad feelings before calling Alex again.

 

“Hello… sorry for that.” He excused himself.

 

 _“I am cooking, Ralph. Cannot speak right now.”_ Alex cut him.

 

“Oh, heaven! We’ll never get to talk. Fine! Call me when you finish!”

 

Alex started laughing.  

 

“What’s that funny, Alexandra darling?”

 

 _“I was just annoying you, dear! I am watching telly, I can talk.”_ She said without realizing.

 

“Did you just… ‘dear’ me, Alex?”

 

_“Did you just ‘Alex’ me?”_

Ralph burst into laughter: “Oh wow. How are you, Alexandra?”

 

_“Not too bad. Yourself?”_

 

“Still scared that I’ll wake up from this dream in which you’re actually talking to me…” Ralph said with a smile laying comfortably on his living room sofa.

 

 _“I can hang up.”_ She teased.

 

“You can, but you won’t. But I'll be quick, just in case. I don’t want to take too much from your time, so Alexandra, I will put it bluntly. I want us to be civil, to be friends if possible. I miss you. I really miss having some sort of contact with you. We were big parts of each other’s lives, you cannot deny it. You cannot erase it. You were my first love and I was yours. No one could ever take your place in my life and I am sure you feel the same in what concerns me. I beg you… I implore you… Alexandra, please, give me a second chance to prove you I am not a villain.”

 

 _“Oh, Ralph, this is insane. You have no idea what you’ve done to me… I don’t believe you can even begin to understand. Plus, I am still not sure what this is all this about. Where did this nostalgia come from? What are you really after, Ralph?”_ Alex asked on a sad tone.

 

“I don’t know and I am being extremely honest by saying this. I really do not know. I want to find out myself. I don’t know why I felt that deep desire to approach you last November. I don’t know why I need you so much. I just know that I do…” He confessed. 

 

Alex rolled her eyes and left out a deep sigh. _“Let’s say I’ll play. What do you have in mind? What do you want us to do?”_

“Well… I made a plan. I thought you’d appreciate if no one spotted us together so… what about leaving the US? I told you that I have to go to Europe in the beginning of February. Let’s go skiing!” He declared with a grin and a very proud voice.

 

_“What???”_

 

“Just for a weekend. I know I said a day, but a weekend is not that much. Come on! We used to love it. Remember all the winter vacations in the Alps?”

 

_“Ralph, I… why would I go in a vacation with you? Don’t you think this is a bit too much to ask?”_

 

“I wanted to do something very us… and that’s very us, because we used to have so much fun. Even when we were in a bad place, or mad at one another, a skiing vacation helped! Out in the nature all day, the physical tiredness after long hours of sport, a lazy evening with some mulled wine and board games… You remember this don’t you… tell me you remember all those vacations…”

 

 _“Be sensible!”_ She burst unable to control herself a second longer. _“You ruined my life! Completely and utterly ruined my life!!!”_ Alex started crying of sadness mixed with anger. _“I almost killed myself because of you! Even now, after so much time, I feel constantly vulnerable, I have next to no self-esteem and I cannot trust people! Because of you!!! I felt incomplete for years because I waited and prayed for even a single word from you… Do you have any idea what you’re asking from me???”_

 

“Alexan… Alex… I…”

 

 _“Don’t you ‘Alex’ me! Don’t you ever ‘Alex’ me, Ralph!”_  She interrupted him aggressively.

 

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry! Sorry!!! You are right, you are completely right. I cannot understand what I’ve done! But I know that I don’t want you to open up your wounds over a phone talk! I want you to tell those things to my face! I want to be able to… to… to feel your pain so that I can understand the damage I’ve inflected… so that I can fully repent.” Ralph confessed.

 

_“Oh really? And you can do that only on a skiing trip? On a skiing trip of all things, Ralph?”_

 

“Well… no, but I thought… It was our thing more than anything else… so I thought…”

 

 _“Our thing!!! Yes!!! Yes, it fucking was our thing!”_ Alex hung up without allowing him to reply. Ralph rolled his eyes, put his phone down and covered his face with his hands.

 

Ralph felt more than horrible the entire day and secluded himself in the house. He had no idea how the day passed but he was thankful when the night arrived and was able to drag himself to bed. Somewhere in the middle of the night Ralph’s phone beeped. Half asleep, he stretched his hand to check who could be texting at those insane hours. When he saw that the text was from Alex he became fully awake:

 

 **_Alexandra:_ ** _Separate planes. Separate hotels. Germany, not Austria. I have to be in London on Monday, February 10 th. Email me the bookings.   _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweeties. With this Chapter we get a first impression on Ralph's perspective. 
> 
> Probably this is also the proper time to put a big and fat disclaimer sign here. Understandingly, this is a work of fiction and the characters of this fic bear little if any resemblance to their real counterparts. The whole idea of the fic sparked from personal experience... and trust me, it's not easy at all to act adequately in Alex's shoes. 
> 
> If anyone needs me, I am in Lady Cleo's pillow fort and I will remain there for a while - considering that Chapter 13 (unlucky coincidence) is about Alex's vacation with Ralph in "Germany, not Austria". I'm out of here hiding, bye!


	13. The German Project

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> I decided that I cannot wait any longer before posting the controversial Chapter 13. Thus, I posted it today instead of Friday. It is a very long chapter and I apologize for this fact. However, I could not split it into more installments as it is one of the most crucial moments of the whole fic. I hope it brings answers to a lot of your worries/questions. Enjoy (sort of) the read!

Alex leaned on the window and looked how the planes arrived and departed.

 

“Hello, darling!” She said with a sad smile; but obviously he could not see it. 

 

“Oh, my favourite voice. How are you, precious?” He said sweetly and sleepy.

 

“Boarding…” 

 

“What?” Matt exclaimed and Alex painfully closed her eyes as she realized he completely woke up at the prospect of seeing her earlier. “Boarding??? But you shouldn’t come until Monday… not that I complain!!! Absolutely not! When should I come to pick you from the airport?”

 

“No, no. I am arriving in London only on Monday, as planned.”

 

“Ouh? Then?” He asked confused.

 

“Well, I have to go to Germany first.” Alex bit her lip while saying it.

 

“Germany? Why so?” Matt inquired. Alex closed her eyes. She knew she could not tell him the truth for now. Not over the phone.

 

“Ah… there’s a sort of project that I have to check. Someone suggested me something and they insisted so much that I ended up saying yes without thinking it properly…” Alex mumbled. 

 

“Oh, come on! No need to over-think everything like you always do. It’s brilliant that you said yes. I encourage that. I am sure it will be great! Can you talk about the project? I know how it goes with new productions. There’s not much you can say before you say too much!!!” He laughed.

 

“Oh, you have no idea how right you are. That’s why I would rather change the subject, for now. Before I mess everything up even more…” Alex rolled her eyes and mentally cursed herself.

 

“No worries. You will be brilliant!!! You are the perfect queen of hearts. You know how to charm people. Just be yourself and they’ll end up at your feet by the end of the weekend. After a weekend with you, they’ll never settle for anything less.” Matt encouraged her enthusiastically. Alex felt her heart breaking. She felt horrible. Absolutely horrible.

 

“Matt please, I really don’t want to win their hearts…” She tried to protest.

 

“Come on, sweetie. Why are you so reluctant? It cannot be that bad? Be more confident. A German project? Sounds pretty cool to me. Is it a film?” Matt inquired. 

 

“A sort of horrible comedy… I would say.” Alex said almost bursting into tears.  

 

Matt laughed: “Black humour?”

 

“Blackest black.” She replied punctuating every word.

 

“So intrigued! It must be about the Nazis. Are you going to kill Hitler again?” Matt laughed.

 

Oh, heaven! Alex thought. His support and his positive attitude made her feel even more miserable. She wanted to tell him. She desperately wanted to tell him. She needed to tell him!

 

“I hope you will be able to tell me more on Monday. It doesn’t really matter how it turns out. The experience alone is very important as well.”

 

“I will tell you everything on Monday. I promise. Cross my heart!” Her tears were rolling down the face but she forced her voice to remain calm and even.  

 

“Only if you want to, precious. It's a personal matter and I wouldn't want to intrude if you don't think it to be my place to intrude. I miss you so much. I cannot wait to have you near me! To hold you in my arms and to tell you how much I love you…” He said on the sweetest voice. 

 

“Oh, Matt…” She should cancel. She should just cancel everything and fly directly to London! She owed nothing to Ralph, absolutely nothing.

 

_~ You owe it to yourself! You have to go… You have to prove to yourself it was his fault. Never your fault! Only his fault… You must go! ~_

“I cannot wait to have you near me, either.” Alex said exactly when the queue started moving. “Oh darling, we have to get moving. I will call you when I land.”

 

“Take care, precious. Always remember that I love you, ok?”

 

“I will never for one second let it out of my mind, darling.” She vowed. “Take care too. Bye-bye.” Alex turned off her phone and put it in her pocket. With a heavy heart she stepped into the plane.

 

Thursday, February 6th, 2014. 

 

Alex’s last plane landed in Salzburg. It was already quite late in the evening. She collected her luggage and exited the airport. Her hair was tamed by a winter cap and she prayed to all heavens not to be recognized as she walked towards a black car in the parking lot. Ralph smiled seeing her, and exited the car to grab her luggage.

 

“Good evening, Alexandra.” He said kissing one of her cheeks. “How was the flight?”

 

“Quite long. Yours?” She replied with a fake smile.

 

“Not too bad. Landed in Munich around noon. Had time to go and check in. It’s beautiful. The weather is amazing!” He said full of enthusiasm while tucking her luggage in the rear boot. Then he invited her in the car. 

 

“How did you come up with this place?” Alex asked while taking the passenger’s seat.

 

“Oh, well, I have been here in the past two winters. It’s really quiet. Nothing special. The slopes are not too dangerous, but they are difficult enough. There are a lot of relaxing places around. It’s close to Munich and to Salzburg alike. And it felt like a good tease to bring you somewhere less than 20km away from the Austrian borders! I did it because you were so picky as to specify that you wanted the vacation to be in Germany.” Ralph laughed and she laughed as well.

 

“You always loved to tease me about the location of our vacations. That’s why I was picky! And, as a matter of fact, when I saw that you bought my plane tickets for Salzburg, I got really annoyed. I almost cancelled everything just to spite you back! But then I googled this Berchtesgaden, to see where exactly you were dragging me. One of Hitler’s nests, Ralph? Really?”

 

“I know!!! Thought you might appreciate the joke.” He continued laughing.

  

Less than half an hour later, Ralph pulled the car in the courtyard of a small cottage.

 

“What’s this?” Alex inquired.

 

“Your accommodation. I decided it would be safer for your incognito not to live in a bigger hotel.”

 

“What???” Alex complained annoyed. “Are you going to leave me alone in an empty house?”

 

“Arh… well. Mine is just across the street.” Said Ralph pointing to a house behind him. “It’s really nice inside. No one will eat you! Come on, stop complaining. It has a couple of rooms, a living room with a fireplace, a kitchen and a bathroom.”

 

Alex rolled her eyes and left the car. Ralph took her suitcase inside and showed her the place. Alex suddenly relaxed as the small German cottage was indeed extremely cosy.

 

“Do you want some tea?” Ralph asked her. “I did some basic shopping for you. You have some food in the fridge.”

 

Alex could not help but chuckle at his awkwardness.

 

“What?” He inquired half panicked.

 

“Nothing. It’s funny to see you in your ‘vacation mode’. You’re already slaving around.” She remarked.

 

“Shush! You know how I hated it when you said that.”

 

“It’s still your official ‘vacation mode.’ But, I will mention no more about it. For now. Just give me the skiing pass and you’re dismissed.” Alex laughed.  

 

He rolled his eyes and handed her the plastic card. “See you at 8 a.m. tomorrow?”

 

Alex nodded and walked him to the door. She then took her phone out of the pocket and called Matt. She went back to the living room and laid on the sofa.

 

“Good evening, sweetheart.” She said on a lovely voice.

 

“Definitely good now, knowing that you are so much closer to me! How are you, Alex, my love?” He asked taking a bite of his pizza.

 

“Tired. Laying on a sofa. I am trying to drag myself to the shower. What are you doing?” Alex asked smiling. Oh, how she loved their pathetic little talks.

 

“Chewing on my pizza.”

 

“Matthew!!! Pizza again?” She raised her voice annoyed.

 

“Well, I didn’t have time for real food.” He excused himself.

 

“Heaven! I cannot wait to arrive to feed you properly. I bet you are skinny as an anorexic model. You are taking so little care of yourself, Matt.” She said even more annoyed. Matt laughed. “No, darling. No. Don’t you laugh, ok? I know you take next to no care of yourself. Just remember that someone needs you in good health!”

 

“Ow… does someone really, really need me?” He said on a cheesy tone.

 

“More than she’ll ever be able to show you. I swear.” She confessed.

 

“I’m already all hot.” He complained on a mortified voice.

 

“Is your hair longer?”

 

“It’s been less than two months… it’s a bit longer but not long enough to please you.” He rolled his eyes.

 

“Pff! I said it before and I will repeat it until it gets engraved on your brain. You’re never ever allowed to cut your hair again!” She complained loudly.

 

They continued talking little nonsenses for more than three hours since none of them wanted to be the one ending the conversation. Alex even took her phone in the shower and let Matt virtually wash her. The whole cleansing process – obviously – took longer than needed. She got all fluffy in her pyjamas and climbed in the double bed.

 

“Are you in bed now?” He asked sweetly.

 

“Yes, darling.” She replied with a wide smile.

 

“Good girl. So, what are we watching?”

 

“Lion King.” She declared proudly turning on her laptop.

 

“No, Alex! No. Please, not again!!!” He complained. “We watched it twice over Christmas and three times since I left. I cannot take it anymore… have some mercy!”

 

“Check your records again!” She laughed. “Tell me when to press play.”

 

“You’re a total nightmare! Why do I even put up with you?” Said Matt laughing while finding his folder with the Lion King. She fell asleep in less than 20 minutes (thank God!) and he smiled while putting his laptop aside. Heaven, he loved that woman! That’s why he was putting up with her.

 

Friday, February 7th, 2014.  

 

Alex woke up around 7 and prepared some breakfast and packed some sandwiches. She was genuinely excited for the day. She loved skiing and the weather appeared to be lovely. Ralph knocked on her door several minutes past 8 a.m. and she opened with a smile.

 

By 10 a.m. they were already on the slope and Alex had no idea how the entire day passed. She had a great time. The tension between her and Ralph slowly eased as they spent a lot of time in the small cabins which were taking them up to the mountain. Every ride was around 20 minutes, so there was plenty of time for talking. Nothing special. Nothing much. Just random stuff – mostly remembering adventures from their many past vacations. It was too early for the actual conversation they had to have.  

 

She realized how tired she was only when she took her ski boots off.

 

“Oh, heaven! I can barely feel my body.”

 

“I know. Wasn’t this amazing?” Ralph asked with a smile.

 

“Absolutely great. You’re better at this than I remembered you being.” She confessed.

 

“Thank you. I’ve actually consciously tried to improve my technique. Took some lessons with some professionals. Went really well. I might go to the Olympics next time.” He laughed.

 

“Oh, you’ve always had such a passion for this sport.” She remembered with a smile.

 

“Indeed. You’re not too rusty either. Although I am glad you’re more cautious now.” He said while entering the car. Alex just laughed. “No, don’t laugh, Alexandra! You were always utterly terrifying me! It was as if you were on a suicide mission.”

 

“Come on!!!” She said while putting her car belt on. “It wasn’t that bad. I was just speedy.”

 

Ralph just laughed. “Yes, speedy like a Jumbo jet! You were unconscious! That’s what you were! Drove me nuts!”

 

Around 6p.m. she was already in bed taking a nap. That hour of rest had been blissful. And the dinner with Ralph was not too bad either. Nothing happened. Nothing was discussed. She was home by 9 p.m. and spent the whole evening talking on the phone with Matt.

 

Saturday, February 8th, 2014

 

She met Ralph at 8 a.m., just like the previous day. They were on the slopes all day long. Brilliant day! Amazing sun! Incredible snow! Oh, how she adored winter! Oh, how she adored that sport! She closed the car’s door with a pleased smile. Her body felt tired, but her mind was so relaxed. She kept her eyes closed for a while, allowing her body to readjust to idleness.

 

“Alexandra…” Ralph whispered.

 

“Hm?” She replied opening her eyes and looking at him.

 

“So, I was thinking… should we… maybe… have the talk tonight? No point of postponing it until tomorrow.”

 

“Hmhm…” Alex cleared her voice and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Sure…” She whispered.

 

“I know… I am not really looking forward to it, either. But it’s why we’re here…”

 

“Yes. Definitely…”

 

“So, what about cooking dinner and eating in. Your cottage or mine. Same difference.” He suggested.

 

“Yes. Definitely not in public. My cottage. I can write you a shopping list and you can go to the supermarket while I take a nap.” She said with half a smile.

 

“Oh, my god!” Ralph rolled his eyes while parking the car in front of her cottage.

 

“Is that a complaint I hear?” She said sassily. “Just shut up and comply with everything I say! What would a skiing trip be without you slaving around while I sleep and relax?”

 

“That again? You're so annoying. But oh, if only I would have slaved around in day to day life as well and not only in vacations… I might have saved my marriage.” He said somewhat sad.

 

Alex laughed and opened the car’s door: “Oh, not being a cheating bastard would have helped as well. Just saying.”

 

Ralph gave her a look at the comment but he saw nothing else but the car’s door slamming in his face. Alex went in, took her cap off, shook her curls, threw herself on the sofa and watched Ralph going back and forth from the car to bring in all her equipment. Suited him well! She thought.

 

She slept for a couple of hours before Ralph arrived. She let him cook the dinner while she laid on the sofa reading. There was absolutely no need for them to share something as intimate as cooking dinner together. Also, reading helped her not to think too much about the upcoming discussion.

 

Ralph announced that the dinner was served somewhere around 8 p.m. She joined him in the kitchen for what was one of the most awkward meals of her life. The two were struggling to make conversation while eating. They could not stick with one subject for more than a couple of minutes. The expectation of the big conversation was thickening the air. Alex felt relieved when they finished eating. She thanked him for the delicious food and stood up to leave for the living room.

 

“I will bring some wine…” He suggested.

 

“Have anything stronger?” She asked.

 

“Whiskey and coke?” Ralph offered.

 

“Dry will do.” Alex faked a smile and went to the living room.

 

She did nothing but stare into the fireplace until he joined her and offered her the glass.

 

Ralph sat down on the other end of the sofa, at a great distance from her.

 

They drank their whisky without saying a word.

 

Ralph stared at his empty glass. Then he looked at her. She was looking down, staring at her empty glass at well.

 

Ralph stood up and left the room. Alex left out a big sigh. It was as if she could finally breath. Ralph returned with the whole bottle and a jar of ice. He poured himself another glass. Alex looked at him and without saying a word she put forth her glass. Ralph nodded and refilled it. He said down again. After five more minutes of awkward silence he cleared his voice.

 

“I am sorry.”

 

“Are you?”

 

“Alexandra, I know that just by saying it I do not change anything… but I have to say it anyway. Because I am really sorry. And I have been sorry for a long while. What you said on the phone… that I destroyed your life… I never… Pff…” He downed the glass. “I never ever intended anything like that. I swear to all Gods that it has never been my intention. I was just selfish. Everything I did, I did for myself! Absolutely and only for myself. I never thought about the consequences. This is not an excuse. It’s actually a horrible thing to say. But it is true. I thought only about myself. I have never done anything with the express intention of hurting you… never…”

 

“Ralph, you are perfectly right. This is the worst excuse ever. It cannot even classify as an excuse, this is how bad it actually is! It does not matter if you did not want to hurt me on purpose. On the contrary! It would have been better that way. At least it would have made sense! At least I could have said: yes, the guy had an agenda. But your selfishness, your lack of consideration, everything… This hurt me even more than anything you could have done with the express intention of harming me. This is why, you have no idea how difficult it is for me to be here! You talking to me right now, you declaring your desire of having me back… Ralph! Can’t you see? This is the very the same selfishness and lack of consideration you’ve always had! You put your feelings and your desires before my feelings and my desires. You never think about anyone else but yourself!” Alex also downed her whisky. “Want more?” She offered.

 

“Yes please.”

 

They were quiet while she refilled the glasses.

 

“But you came…” He said daring to look at her. “You texted back. You came. You said yes. Why?”

 

“I wanted us to talk… I’ve always wanted us to talk about this. I wanted to get some sort of closure… proper closure to my first love, to my first marriage! Proper closure from _my_ point of view. Proper closure on _my_ own terms! I felt that I needed it after everything I’ve been through. I felt like I was finally strong enough to confront you and my past with you.” She confessed.

 

“I know that we should have talked a long time ago. Just lay the cards on the table and say our proper farewells. But… there was always stuff in the middle. In the beginning it was impossible and inappropriate. Useless even, to attempt anything. Then… then it was no longer a thing I could do. Not after…” Ralph looked down at his drink. It was already too much and he felt the alcohol right in his head, but he needed that. He downed the glass once more. “Not after I read from the news that you tried to kill yourself.”

 

Alex closed her eyes painfully. She took several sips of her whisky.

 

“I felt… horrible. And horrible is an understatement. You might not believe a word I am saying, but Alexandra… I used to wake up nights in a row with a strong feeling of throwing up! I had nightmares with me finding your dead body or just reading in the press that you committed suicide…” Ralph put his glass down and grabbed his head in his palms needing to calm down. Alex looked at him but remained silent. Ralph removed his hands exhaled and looked at her.

 

“I would have never been able to live with myself. I am not a monster! I really am not a monster. I am just… a jerk. I am just a person who did a lot of mistakes which sparked out of low morals, bad habits, and indifference. But Alexandra… I would have never been able to live knowing… that I was responsible for… Never… Never. Despite everything that I have done… I did love you.” He went a bit closer, but still at a safe distance, and put a hand on hers. “I did love you…”

 

“I know. I know you did. And I did as well. I loved you more than life itself… that’s why I… you know… But we don’t feel like that anymore. And don’t you dare to tell me otherwise, because I know it is not true. I decided to accept your invitation because I really wanted us to talk. I want to understand what got into you, after 15 years. Why did you start talking to me again? Tell me that it is love and I will punch you in the face! I cannot think of any reasonable explanation except from your desire of torturing me some more and making me question everything I do. I put the unhappiness of my failed first love and marriage somewhere in the pits of my mind. Locked in a dark safe box! I came at terms with how it ended and I accepted that I would never be able to get my own way with it. It was not easy, but I eventually did it. I gave up on trying to control what happened and I grew strong in spite of it. Why did you have to ruin that? My life now has so little from the life we had together. Do you really think that just by recreating the atmosphere of our time together I would be all wooed up? Do you think that the best of us would ever make me forget the worst of us? I don’t really think so. Ralph, dear, I am older and wiser now. I am able to read through your charm and arrogance. They are no longer that funny and interesting as they once used to be. Of course they make me laugh, there has always been something terribly appealing about your character. There’s a reason for which I loved you so much! But that love was so consuming… It took all from me and give next to nothing back. Well, I should not even whine about it. I’ve been told you were not one of the good guys, and I went for you anyway. But I wouldn’t do it anymore! Loving you once was an honest mistake; falling for you the second time would be conscious decision. You are my first love, Ralph and my heart will always wince at the mention of your name. But, you are merely my first love, not my _only_  love and if heaven exists and has any mercy, you will not end up being my last love. You have a place in my life no one will ever take. But this is not necessarily something you should be proud of. I just wish I could think about you with a smile on my face, but I cannot. They say one’s first love is rarely a recipe for ‘forever’. I guess they are right. 13 years of my life cannot just go away with the blinking of an eye. But I cannot see the beautiful things about our love when I think about you… I cannot. No matter how normal this weekend feels, no matter how normal you talking to me feels. It does not matter that we are still able to act so naturally after all this time. This is nothing else but a habit that still exists in the back of our minds, because of all our history. When I think about you I see only the bad things that ever happened to me. Or at least I used to.”

 

“Still you came…”

 

“I came for this talk! I came for giving myself the chance of seeing that not everything was bad about our marriage, that there were good parts. Like all the little talks we’ve been having on the skiing cabins. It was somehow healing to revisit those pleasant moments. I came for telling you everything I feel once and for all. I came for taking that locked box with all my memories with you out from the pits of my mind and throwing it directly into the fire! I don’t want to have it stored there anymore. Time to move on for real. I came to give up all those bad thoughts and exchange them for some more positive attitudes. And the only way of doing this was to prove to myself that it has always been your fault and not mine for everything that happened. Or at least that it has always been your fault way more than mine!!! That I was not the worthless and messed up one! That the worthless and messed up one was you. I want to see you begging for forgiveness on your knees!!! As you promised! I want to get my way. Call it vanity, payback, everything you feel like calling it. But one thing is for sure: I don’t want you back. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. Not even for a shag, Ralph, let go something more serious. So tell me, why are you doing all this? If you are at least marginally rational, I am sure you know that I would never again trust you enough to start a relationship with you. Then? What are the reasons for your behaviour? I am completely sure that you do not feel an extremely altruistic desire of falling on your knees in front of me! There must be something selfish about it.”

 

“I am lonely. I want to feel loved again…” He confessed.

 

Alex rolled her eyes pulling her hands away from his and starting laughing a bit too hard:  “Point proven. You are the most selfish person I had the misfortune to meet…”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Isn’t there anyone in your life? Anyone else you can pester?” She inquired.

 

“There’s a Dianne… But she’s only a model I’m shagging.”

 

Alex raised her eyebrows and gave him a killer look. “What the hell, Ralph???”

 

“What? I was being honest here. You have your own model you’re shagging. Why so judgmental?”

 

“He’s my boyfriend!!!” Alex protested.

 

“Well, then the only difference is that me and Dianne are not labelling the relationship. It’s not as if you loved him!” Ralph accused. “Do you? Do you love Matthew?”

 

“I am definitely starting to!”

 

“But you don’t!” Ralph insisted punctuating every word.

 

“I do have feelings for him, strong feelings. And I need him. I cannot imagine him not being in my life anymore… I cannot imagine spending a day without talking to him. But you are right, Ralph. I will give you that. I cannot say that I love him yet… for very personal reasons. And the reasons have nothing to do with my own feelings, but with Matt’s feelings. But this is none of your concern and I will put a big fat NO on your attempt of analyzing my current relationship.” Alex was very calm, serious, and honest. “All you have to know is that I want to make my relationship with Matt work. I want to be with him very much and I would appreciate greatly if you would not intervene… I am sorry you are lonely… but I cannot do anything about that! It would destroy me. And frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn! You brought it on yourself.” Alex said harshly. 

 

“I am not intervening and I know I brought it on myself. Thank you very much for pointing it out." Ralph replied equally harsh. "But I do have a comment on what you just said. It’s no me who puts your relationship at jeopardy. It’s you!!! You are the one hiding things from Matt! I know for a fact that he does not know you’re here with me. And Alexandra… until you will have the will and the power to tell him the truth, there’s always going to be a _‘what if’_ in the back of your mind. _‘What if’_ I drink some more? _‘What if’_ I let him kiss me? _‘What if’_ we could rekindle everything? _‘What if’_ forever would work this time?”

 

“Ralph, I wasn’t enough for you then when I was young… how would I be enough for you now?” She said downing her glass.

 

“What?” He inquired.

 

“I am not going to repeat it.” She said while refilling their glasses. She could feel the alcohol slowly making its effect.

 

“I heard you. No need to repeat it. But I have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s never been that…” Ralph said shaking his head. “No, Alexandra. No. It’s never been that! On the contrary – it’s not that you were not enough for me; you were _too much_! Your love was so peerless. Unconditional. I could never match it up. Never. You know… it is actually possible to love and to be loved too much! So much it becomes bad. I don’t know if this will make any sense for you. But this is how it was from my point of view. When your partner is so perfect in every single instant of your time together, you just start feeling bad. You see all that love, you are flattered, and you want to take it all in. But at some point you cannot do it anymore. At some point it becomes too much!!! You just want your partner to be human, to be flawed. You want your partner to do something wrong! To upset you! You want to fight! You want to be able to make up!!! But you simply cannot! Because they are divine and you are pathetic! You are simply nothing! They give it all to the last breath of their soul! And you cannot do that. And it makes you angry! And you cannot remember why it’s been so amazing in the beginning. Why you needed that. Why you wanted that. Everything becomes unbearable. That blind devotion just makes you feel worthless. Utterly worthless! You look at your partner and you just think – ‘Well, I will never be that. I will never be able to repay or respond to all that. I am incapable of that! I am… not enough - as you put it - so I might as well just leave’. Don’t you see it? I was _not enough_. You were _too much_. I didn’t cheat on you because I needed more. I cheated on you because I needed less. I needed air… because your peerless love became unbreathable.” Ralph downed his glass and so did she. “I am sure you cannot understand but… that’s how it was.”

 

Alex painfully closed her eyes. Oh, she could understand. She could understand exactly what having a partner who “gave it all to the last breath of their soul” meant. It wasn’t that she did not love Matt. She did. But she was unable to label her feelings as “love” exactly because his unconditioned devotion made a mockery of all her sentiments. Whenever he said “I love you” she would just smile, never reply. She was afraid of replying because she knew that his words were expressing feelings more profound and noble that she was capable of fostering. Yes, just like Ralph said, Matt’s feelings made hers appear as irrelevant…

 

“I see…” She whispered trying not to think about Matt in the gloomy terms Ralph used to think about her. After all, she recalled, it never bothered her that her feelings for Ralph used to be deeper than his feelings for her. On the contrary, that made the instants when Ralph expressed his feelings so much more precious. Alex smiled. Maybe it was time for her to gather her courage and confess her feelings to Matt. That if… he would not hate her forever when she’ll tell him everything about the “German project”. She tried to put that away from her mind for the time being.

 

“I see… But it still does not answer the question. If I was too much then, why wouldn’t I be too much now?” Alex continued.

 

“Because I would know how to react to everything and because I am older. Because I miss it and I want it so much… that amazing feeling of being unconditionally loved. I know how to appreciate it now. I would never repeat the same mistakes. Had I met you later in life, the story would have been so different. We were young and silly and we never acted on that silliness because of our relationship! We missed so many opportunities and chances of messing up relationships. We tried to become mature together, to act as grown-ups at an age when we did not have to… You know, there is a certain tragedy in meeting your soulmate too early. You’re only human, you want to live a little. You want to make sure that the person you’re with is the one you’re supposed to be with. We spent our 20s together and I honestly wish we hadn’t. It was too early for forever… Oh, Alexandra, my Alexandra!!! It was way too early for forever! Had I met you later in life… we’d still be together now. Later in life when hastiness, lack of patience, and all the other vices of the youth spirit would have toned down…”

 

Alex smiled sadly. She knew he was right to many levels.

 

“But I am older now. I can handle you now. I can protect you and love you and spend the rest of my life with…”

 

“Thank you, Ralph.” She interrupted him slowly rising her hand. She needed no more of that. “Thank you for finally apologizing. You are indeed right in saying that your apologies do not change anything, but it’s good to know that you at least acknowledge your mistakes. So I am really grateful for that.” She said with an attempt of a smile.

 

“Are you accepting them, Alexandra? My most sincere apologies?” Ralph asked looking into her eyes.

 

Alex looked at him and didn’t move at all. Her eyes were piercing through his skin – burning him alive. Her eyes were expecting something. Ralph took a deep breath. He stood up and put his empty glass on the table. He looked at her and then he let himself fall on his knees between the sofa and the small coffee table. He took another deep breath and looked into her eyes.

 

“Alexandra, I beg you to forgive me for everything I have done to you, to us.”  

 

Alex smiled mischievously and then nodded with satisfaction. But she didn't say a word. 

 

“Thank you.” Ralph smiled still not standing up. “Thank you.” He spread his arms and looked at her. Alex considered it for some time then she bent to hug him shortly.

 

“Thank you…” He repeated and then he cleared his voice. Alex moved away and Ralph stood back on the sofa.  

 

“Alexandra, I know you said that from your point of view this vacation represents the closure of our marriage. I agree. It should be the closure of our past relationship. But I will not give up… not yet. I want you to know my intentions. I want you to be aware that what I am after is a new relationship. I don’t want your friendship. I mean, I do want your friendship, but only in as much as it represents a first stage in something else…”

 

“Ralph, my time is with Matt now.” She said shaking her head. “I will have none of this. I can offer you friendship, or at least a sort of communication… but nothing more. And I cannot stress this enough! If you have any intentions of messing up my relationship with Matt, we have nothing to talk about, ever! Do you understand?”

 

“I will do nothing. I swear. But I will wait. One of you will eventually get cracked by the age gap. It’s inevitable. I will wait.” He said with the trace of a smile.

 

“Don’t wait up, Ralph. It’s pointless. It’s not going to happen. Even if the age different ruins me and Matt, I will never take you back. I've been through a long struggle with my inner demons before agreeing to coming here, before deciding on how to approach your sudden new interest in me. Everything I told you was long considered. The whisky did not tell you anything tonight. It was all me. So don't read between the lines of what I said. Take all my words quite literally. Because I mean every single one of them. I agree with us still talking and exchanging messages as long as this relationship is innocent. As long as we are nothing more than two grown-ups working in the same industry and having a casual relation. And obviously, as long as Matt will be ok with it. Because I will tell him everything on Monday and I will pray to all heavens that he will understand. But if you try anything behind my back, or pass these limits I set… that’s us, Ralph. For good and forever. Are we clear?” She said very assertive. 

 

“Anyway. I should leave. We’re waking up at 7 a.m. tomorrow. I am glad it snowed. The slopes will be amazing.” Ralph said trying to avoid a direct reply. 

 

“No… stay some more. There’s still whisky. We can still chat.”  

 

“Well… your time is with Matt now. As you so kindly underlined. I would not want to cross the limits you just imposed on me! I suppose you have your finger on the red button of our relationship. I don’t want you to press that button anytime soon. And trust me, you’ll have to do it if I stay even 5 minutes more. I already had enough whisky not to care about the consequences.” Ralph stood up.

 

“You are right. The slopes will be amazing tomorrow.” She replied simply. 

 

Ralph nodded rolling his eyes.

 

“Night, Alexandra.”

 

“Night.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. 
> 
> How did the lecture go? From my standpoint, this is the most comprehensive explanation I could come up with in order to emphasize everything that I had in mind throughout these first 12 chapters of Alex's turmoil between an unhappy past and a scary future. I really could not wait to post this chapter especially because, in my eyes, it clears Alex from most of her potential sins. Every time I tried to defend her behavior I was having this episode in mind. I stand firm on my position that she did nothing terribly wrong. The story is far from over and I cannot promise to you that things will run nicely from now on... Is what Matt and Alex have a true love story? I definitely attempt to make it feel like that and I will justify my mischievousness by quoting "The course of true love did never run smooth". I suppose you'll have to stick around and see if the situation gets better or worse...
> 
> Thank you for taking the time for reading this. Given the fact that I posted earlier than planned and that the chapter was awfully long, I will not update for at least one week. But I will nonetheless keep an eye on your comments and opinions because they mean a lot to me. Xx


	14. Just sit down and listen to me!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said Wednesday, but I am so terribly bad at patience. Plus, I kind of want to see whether I will manage to upload a chapter about Alex's b-day on her actual b-day (but I will not promise anything, because we still have a couple chapters to go until that one and I wouldn't want to completely rush things).
> 
> Anyway, logistics! Don't mind me... Enjoy (kind of) the conversation between Matt and Alex in the aftermath of the "German project". Will Matt believe her? Or will they break up?

Alex was pacing along the airport’s corridor while waiting for her luggage. Where was it? Why did it take so long? Her heart was racing as the seconds failed to pass.

 

After what seemed an eternity she was nearly running to the arrivals hall while dragging the suitcase behind her. The moment she saw him, her heart stopped. Alex bit her lower lip and her entire face became brighter. Now she could no longer help it. She had to run to him! She let go of her suitcase a couple of metres before reaching him and jumped into his arms.

 

Matt wrapped his arms around her waist and spun her in the air. When he let her down, Alex’s eyes were shinning with tears.

 

“I have missed you so much.” She declared in a heartbeat. Matt started kissing her for dear life, totally not caring about the increasingly curious looks they were receiving.

 

“Oh, I can see you have, precious…” He laughed and looked at her with loving eyes. “I love you.” He kissed her again. “I love you, I love you! Ah, I cannot believe you are here. I have no idea how I will ever let you leave again.” He hugged her protectively to his chest.

 

“Oh, please! Don’t even mention it. We have two weeks. We won’t think about this now, right?” Alex shook her head and placed a soft kiss on his chest.  

 

Matt smiled and broke the embrace. He grabbed her suitcase and put an arm around her shoulders, while starting walking towards the parking lot. “So, how was the German project?”

 

“Better than I could have hoped. But I will tell you everything about it at home… a bit later, ok?” She asked with half a smile.

 

“Looking forward to it. I am actually very curious.” Matt confessed with a smile and Alex tried hard not to show how terrified she was.

 

_~ Don’t tell him. If you do, that’s the end of your relationship! He will never believe you! No one will ever be able to understand you, so why bother. It’s over. Don’t tell him! Do you really want a ticking clock on your relationship? 2 hours… tick-tock, tick-tock! Tell him and your relationship is finished. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock… ~_

 

“Matt…” Alex said trying her best to look at ease, but her inner voice was mortifying her and those words began to sound more and more like a ticking toll.

 

“Yes, precious?”

 

“Please, play some music…”

 

Matt smiled and nodded. The ride to his place was quiet with Matt humming his songs and Alex finding comfort in that instead of paying attention to what was going on in her head.

 

When they arrived at the apartment the smell of flowers greeted her from the very entrance.

 

“Oh, Matt!!! Where are they?” She asked clapping her hands and starting bouncing like a little child.

 

“Everywhere!” Matt answered and pulled her near him in order to kiss her. She replied to his kiss but only very hasty and then she ran off to see her flowers.

 

“Oh, my precious, precious, very precious white flowers! You are amazing, darling! Did I tell you this lately?” She laughed while running around the flat and counting the bouquets. Her giggles filled the air and her excitement could barely be concealed.

 

“I know what my woman wants…” Matt said with a smile but Alex’s smile faded in the very second. She stopped from her silliness and crossed her arms at her chest to hug her heart, for support.  She leaned on a wall and looked at him with big sad eyes.

 

“No, no…” She said shaking her head in slow motion. “Matt we have to talk about something. Let’s make a cuppa…” She suggested and headed to the kitchen before he could reply. Matt followed her becoming very worried. Did he do something wrong? She was happy one second and then she wasn’t…

 

Alex put the kettle to boil and asked him where he kept his tea. Matt pointed to a cupboard and she nodded with half a smile. Alex closed her eyes and she could swear that she was able to hear the sound of her racing heart over the boiling kettle. Her hands were shaking and she felt sick in her stomach. She had to tell him but she was terrified. What if he would never understand? What if he would just… leave her forever?

 

_~ There is no ‘if’. He will leave you! Just don’t tell him anything. Don’t be stupid! Tick-tock? Tick-tock? I will say… roughly half an hour until your next heartbreak. Tick-tock, tick-tock? Isn’t this exciting? ~_

 

She could barely pour the water in the mugs with those shaky hands. Alex said nothing while preparing the magic potion because she was sure that a shouted “Shut up!” would have been the first thing to come out from her mouth.

 

When she was finally done with it, she turned around to face him and with a half fake smile she placed the two cups of tea to the table. Alex looked at the chair that was less than half a meter next to Matt’s, but she knew she could not take it. She was way too scared to be that far away from him. Thus, she sat on his lap wrapping her arms around his neck.

 

“Sweetie…” She said as softly as possible and kissed his eyes and then his cheek. “Please end this ‘give the woman what she wants’ game. It was a good advice, and it made me feel fabulous and it worked nicely for these past months…”

 

“But…” He asked with sad eyes.

 

“But it is no longer needed. I am here. You won me over. I am yours. It’s time to be less perfect, my darling. Less careful with everything you do around me. Oh, I will still want the flowers. By no means quit the flower thing… but, it’s time for you to say ‘no’ to me every time you feel like it! Even if it’s only to the type of cheese I buy or the animation I decide for us to watch. It’s time to shift the focus of this relationship from the whole ‘give the woman what she wants’ approach. It’s time to focus on what we both want. What you need is equally important to what I need. I won’t ever want to be that person who takes her partner and his love for granted! I won’t ever agree on taking everything from you and giving next to nothing in return…”

 

Matt smiled and sought her lips. “I love you… I love you so much you have no idea.”

 

“Oh, I do. I really do. This is the problem and this is what has me so worried. I know you love me so much you’d never care about yourself. But that is wrong, my darling! I want you to care about yourself, because I do! And I want you to be happy. I want to make you as happy as you make me. I don’t want to abuse you and your feelings…” She said placing soft kisses on his eyes and forehead.  

 

“You’re a dream…” Matt said hugging her for all she was worth.

 

“Oh, I really am not… Really… really… not…” Alex’s eyes became all shining with tears, but she did not let them fall. “Matt, I am so scared that this relationship won’t last. I sometimes think about it and my inner voice torments me by saying: oh, it started wrong so it cannot end right. It’s obviously a reference to the sinking of Britannia. And I am terrified! Matt!” Alex said while continuing placing kisses on his face.

 

“Matt, my darling, you once said that what I want is a fairy tale romance. But, Matt, my Matt! You deserve your fairy tale as much as I deserve mine. From this moment on, I won’t accept anymore to be treated like a _precious_ stone, unless you allow me to treat you equally well! I have no idea what kind of sins you have to pay for that the Karma decided I – out of all people – should be your ‘dream’. It’s very ironic, tragic even… if you ask me… but I know you are already about to protest and to list me a series of overly-exaggerated qualities I apparently possess. So I won’t argue with you… because you do not respond to reason when someone tries to trash me – and even less so if that ‘someone’ is none other than myself. But Matt… tell me you know that I have a lot of defects.” She begged.

 

Matt smiled at her and started returning the kisses. “Lots and lots. More than most people! But that’s why you are so fascinating. Alex, no one is perfect, my love! I choose to see your qualities and to make abstractions of your defects. I am not blind. It’s a choice and it’s called ‘love’! I ‘overly-exaggerate’ everything when it comes to you – true, very much so! But I mostly do it with the intention of making you have a better opinion about yourself. Alex, you don’t have to love yourself as much as I love you. It would be quite impossible… but please, at least love yourself the 10th part and I will be Time Lord Victorious! HA!” Matt said playful and then he laughed amused at his pun. “Got it? Got it?”

 

“You’re incorrigible.” Alex laughed and then went sad all at once. “The tea is getting cold… And there is something more…”

 

“What? What does the tea have to do with any of these?” Matt asked confused.

 

“Nothing at all. Those were just separate thoughts. I was rambling… Don’t you just hate cold tea?” Alex said placing her head on his shoulder and staring at the untouched mugs from the table.

 

“Arh… I am positively lost. Is that a metaphor?”

 

“No.” Alex said, stood up very quickly and moved away. Matt almost lost his balance. He looked at her as if she was not in her right mind.

 

“No. The tea talk was really just rambling because I am distracting my head from something else. A ticking noise. Tick-tock goes the clock! Tick-tock, tick-tock.” Alex stopped next to the counter. She had her head turned to one side staring through the kitchen’s window – the window which was more than 2m away.

 

“Alex?” Matt whispered and she could see how horribly worried he became.

 

“Matt, the tea is not a metaphor… no… no… the tea is not, the German project… the German project…” She slowly turned around to face an utterly lost Matt. He could not say a word because he had no idea what was going on. What got into her? She acted so weird…

 

“Alex? All ok, my love? I am getting more than worried.” He managed to say at some point. “What’s with the German project?”

 

“Do you remember Britannia?”

 

_~ STOP! ~_

 

“Argh… the 2013 Awards?” Matt asked frowning at her. Alex just nodded. “Kind of hard not to.” Matt replied wondering where she wanted to go with that.

 

_~ SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! ~_

 

“Ralph kept on texting me after that.”

 

“He did what?” Matt said standing up automatically. “What did he do? What did he say? Did he harass you? Are you ok? Did he do anything to you? Is he threatheni…”

 

_~ This is relationship suicide! I beg you to stop… ~_

 

“Matt, Matt… stop. Please. Just listen to me. Please. Just sit down and listen to me.” Alex said crossing her arms at her chest. Heaven! She could barely breathe caught in between Matt and her terrified inner voice. Matt did as told, but he sat merely on the edge of the seat and looked very stiff.

 

Alex took a deep breath.

 

 _“When I stepped into that plane you told me that I had to go to Germany for myself, not for Ralph, not for Matt, not for anyone. I listened to you and I am not ashamed of going. I have nothing to hide. I am merely terrified that he would not understand me! So I beg of you, just back me up and don’t give me hell right now! I have only one chance to put everything in the proper words! To plea for my case! I cannot have my mind divided right now. Please… just please! I beg of you to back me up!”_ Alex thought while closing her eyes and trying to convince her inner voice that there was no return. Her mind became clear in an instant and she opened her eyes and looked at Matt. 

 

“He didn’t threaten me or anything. I replied to his messages… we started talking and we’ve been communicating, or attempting to, ever since.” Alex closed her eyes as Matt’s eyes became three times wider. Matt just jumped from his chair again.

 

“You’ve been to Germany with him! He was your German project! The tea! The tea was not a metaphor but the German project was! That’s what you’ve been trying to say! Oh… you said it was a horrible comedy! That was your horrible comedy??? You and Ralph behind my back! That was the blackest black humour? Were you in Germany with him, Alex?” Matt asked harshly.

 

“Yes… yes… I was in…” She began, but he interrupted her instantly:

 

“Only you and him?”

 

“Yes, Matt, but listen…” She continued, but he interrupted her again:

 

“Did you sleep with him?”

 

“What? NO!” Alex protested.

 

“ALEX! Look into my eyes!” Matt shouted full of anger. “Did you sleep with him?”

 

Alex’s eyes caught fire. She let her arms fall from her chest and her entire posture changed. She suddenly looked so much taller, properly composed and quite dangerous.  

 

“Sit down and listen to what I have to say!” She commended. Matt crossed his arms at his chest and did not do as told.

 

“Matt, just sit down and listen to me!!!” She repeated equally assertive. Matt rolled his eyes and threw himself on the chair with an exasperated attitude.

 

“I. Did. Not. Sleep. With. Ralph. I can look into your eyes and repeat it until my mouth does dry. And it will be equally true every single time! _You_ look into my eyes and listen to me! If hell ever breaks loose and for some messed up reason I will end up cheating on whatever partner I may have, I will definitely not be able to lie about it! I am not that big of a hypocrite! I would be honest because I know how it feels. And I do not know it from someone’s story, from a role I played, or from a book I read… I know it because I have been there! I have been there and I have heard that lie over and over and over again… and every time I heard it, it hurt worse than having a knife stabbed into my heart! So when I say that I did not sleep with Ralph, I actually mean that I did not sleep with Ralph! Not only that I did not sleep with him, but we didn’t kiss, touch or anything in between. Are we clear?” Alex said punctuating every single word with her index finger aggressively pointed towards him. Her tone was very absolute leaving no place for ‘but’-s.

 

Matt raised his eyebrows and stared at her mesmerized. He swallowed twice and then nodded.

 

“Yes… We’re clear.” He said while reconsidering his posture and his attitude. He sat normally on the chair and grabbed one of the almost cold tea mugs. “I am listening, Alex. Please, go on.”

 

Alex cleared her voice and also calmed down a little. When she started speaking her voice was equally clear and determined, but the tone on which she spoke was softer.

 

“Matt, what I want you to understand is that settling things with Ralph was very important for me. It was something I absolutely had to do. I did it for myself and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Absolutely nothing at all to do with you. I don’t want you to believe, not even for one second, that I responded to Ralph’s initiative of talking to me because you did something wrong, or because I do not care about you, or because I am inconsiderate of your feelings. No. No. No. I had to do it for myself.” Alex moved slowly towards the table and grabbed the other mug.

 

“Can I sit?” She asked reluctantly.

 

“Of course. Do you want us to go in the living room?” Matt asked, but Alex shook her head as she pulled the other chair so that it faced Matt. She sat down looking at her tea mug.

 

“Matt, you and I are in the beginning of our relationship. We’ve been together for less than three months, and when I say together, I mean in an official relationship. Because we’ve actually been together-together for less than three weeks _combined_ due to all this long distance-thing. Three months, or worse – three weeks, take it as you want, is a very, very short period of time. But it meant a lot to me. I cannot even remember when it was the last time I felt this happy, this loved and this protected. But the very same period of time has been one of great inner turmoil and depression for me. And this mostly because of Ralph. I didn’t know what to do with him. I didn’t know if I should reply to him or not. I didn’t know if I should reopen that hidden box of memories or just leave the past be. I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t because I had no idea what to tell you. What could I have possibly said? ‘Hey, Matt, I am talking to my ex-husband while you try your best to woo me? You ok with it?’ How could I have told you that and explain to you what was going on in my head when I had no idea myself? I went back and forth and back and forth trying to take a decision. Trying to figure out how to react... You were my anchor, Matt. These months of hell trying to deal with my darkest past would have destroyed me if it weren’t for that promise of a future with you...”

 

Matt looked at her and saw her sad eyes. Yet, he didn’t say anything because he knew she was not done. She was merely taking a break to recollect her power. Heaven, that woman was strong! – he thought.

 

“My relationship with Ralph was longer than all my other relationships combined. My relationship with Ralph ended worse than all my other relationships combined. I lived with his silence for roughly as much as I lived with him. I completely accepted that silence only after I found the true meaning of life in the eyes of my daughter. Thus, it was nerve and feeling wrecking to break that silence again. I will not lie to you. I tried to consciously hide Ralph from you. But this was not because I wanted to cheat on you… but because I was scared you would never understand, and you will leave me when I needed my anchor the most. It was a selfish thing to do… but I will use a poor excuse and say that I am so very seldom selfish that I could afford it.” She smiled and even chuckled a little. “Now by saying this I am not only selfish, but arrogant on top of everything.”

 

Matt smiled as well.

 

“I said that you were my anchor, but there have been many moments when I considered letting you go for all those good and moral reasons I will not repeat. But also for all the wrong reasons and all the doubts Ralph willingly or unwillingly planted in my head. I tried to keep you away from Ralph to be able to drag myself ashore thanks to you, but also because I didn’t want to mix my past with what could be my future. They anyway had too much in common and it drove me insane! Out of a sudden I woke up in this scenario when I was the Mrs. Robinson to some young bloke. Well, the difference between me and Frances… you know, _that_ woman, is that I did not ruin anyone’s marriage. Anyway, the comparison still stood and it added up to all my doubts. In the beginning, every time Ralph talked to me, I ended up having serious breakdowns. In less than a couple of seconds even the best of days turned into the worst of nightmares. I felt worthless, useless and pathetic… over and over and over again. Just as I used to feel after Ralph left me. Those were the feelings I associated with him, thus, I felt normal to go directly to them whenever context appropriate. I had to teach myself that the whole approach was wrong… You say that I don’t love myself enough, but oh, Matt, you don’t know anything about it. You have no idea what my inner voice is capable of. I tried to kill myself back in the days only because of what that inner voice was capable of saying. I won’t ever want to underestimate its malign power again. I had to listen to it, to cooperate with it, to allow it adjust to the new reality of my life even if that meant going through a rollercoaster of emotions… Anyway, I would rather not go through the gloomy story of my breakdowns right now… it’s not something I am able to talk about. All you need to know is that I did not run to him or with him for the sake of having an adventure or just for fun. I did it because I owed it to myself. Because I wanted to find some peace of mind…”

 

“Why Germany?” He asked simply.    

 

“Ralph was at the New Year’s party. I didn’t want you to see him and to start another fight or something. I was still haunted by the memories of Britannia. Thus, I made him swear he would not approach me in any way. I think he even left the party soon after our little chat. The price, however, was to give him a real chance to apologize for everything he’s done. I said I would and he told me to call him sometimes in January to arrange the whole thing. He didn’t write to me or pester me the entire month. This was actually very good since it gave me the time I needed to put my head in order. When I finally called him, on February 1st, I had it all figured out. I knew how to approach the situation. I knew what I had to do, what I had to say. Thus, I was ready to accept any of his suggestions for the day we agreed to spend together in order to mend our differences. Anyway, I didn’t expect him to invite me for a weekend in the mountains, because that was one of ‘our’ things. I actually flipped very badly when I heard him saying that. I even hung up on him and immediately had another breakdown. All the fun stuff!!! But then I thought it better and I realized that the calmest times we’ve ever had together were during skiing trips. It was one of those contexts that could bring a decent level of normality to an extraordinary context. Ralph obviously must have thought the same, and for the very first time I considered that the whole situation might be quite difficult for him as well. It felt like an appropriate way of revisiting a past I wanted to bring a closure to. And I was right. It turned out really well, very diplomatic. Moreover, the neutral territory and the anonymity gave us the chance to carefully build up the moment of the actual conversation… We talked about how we felt, what went wrong, what ruined us, he apologised. Nothing much. We agreed to have a normalized relationship. Just like you go out for a coffee with Daisy, every now and then. He did express his willingness of attempting a new relationship, but I told him that it would never happen because I do not have any kind of feelings for him and I do not trust him as a person… But, most importantly, because my time is with you now… and hopefully… tomorrow… and the day after… and the week after… the month… What?” She stopped and stared at him. There were a couple of tears falling down his cheeks.

 

“I was just thinking that… “

 

“That?” She asked impatiently, urging him not to pause and suddenly feeling panicked again.   

 

“That you are telling me this story as if you were talking to your best friend…” He admitted.

 

“Well, I am.” The tears starting falling down her cheeks as well. “I am, Matt. I am. Wasn’t this what you asked from me? Friendship and companionship?”

 

Matt stood up from the chair and kneeled in front of hers. He took the mug with the cold and barely touched tea and put it on the table. Then he kissed her hands and smiled looking into her eyes.

 

“You are the most remarkable and the strongest woman I have ever met. And I am terribly proud of you and the way in which you handled everything. You are right, the whole story with Ralph was only yours to deal with. I understand now that it had nothing to do with me. You did very well. You are indeed amazing and I will be eternally grateful for the chance of having you in my life… for as long as you will have me.” He smiled and continued kissing her hands.

 

“I am sorry, Matt.” Alex whispered with the tears still rolling down her cheeks. “I am sorry for all the mistakes I’ve done in these past months… I just couldn’t think properly. I was panicked. I should have approached many things differently but… the context was quite extraordinary and everything became blurry. I tried my best but it was horrid. Absolutely and utterly horrid. A rollercoaster of emotions… that’s what these months were… An extreme rollercoaster of emotions and I am only human. But I think it’s over now… I think it’s _finally_ over.”

 

“It’s ok, Alex. Everything is fine. We are fine. I flipped like a jealous boy in the beginning because well… completely objective reasons!” He laughed sarcastically. “But you dotted the ‘i’ and there is not an option to keep on acting like a silly boy when you went full scale grown-up, demanding the same attitude from me. It is your past Alex. I do not have to understand it. I have to understand you and your need of dealing with it. And I do. I am not your first, but with a bit of luck, I will be the last.”

 

Alex smiled and leaned to kiss him. “I will crumble any minute now…” She confessed. “Can I?”

 

Matt looked at her and opened his arms. Alex let herself slide down from the chair and ended up kneeling on the floor, just like him. Matt pulled her into his arms and she buried her face in his shoulder. The second she felt him so protectively wrapped around her, Alex let her armour fall down. The strength she put in her confession consumed all her energy. She started crying with big sobs.

 

“I was so scared, Matt! So scared you would not understand. So scared I would lose you! My inner voice was going tick-tock, tick-tock in my mind, saying that in some minutes we’d we done… Oh, I was so scared! You think I am strong, but it’s only a façade. I am really not… I am weak and vulnerable. Look at me, just look at me how weak I am!” She said crying even more desperately.

 

Matt smiled and hugged her closer to his chest.

 

“Precious, I am looking at you and I can tell you one thing: in this very moment you’re stronger than you’ve been at any other point tonight.”   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweeties. 
> 
> How did you like the chapter? Are we all "Team Alex" again? Haha. It was quite a deep and long update, but with it we take a wee break from these kind of chapters. The next three are quite funny and much more dynamic. They are some of my favourite and I really enjoyed writing and rewriting them. So I cannot wait to share them with you! See you soon!!! Xx


	15. Give the Man what he wants

Their first week together passed faster than any of them would have wanted. They decided to do nothing special for Valentine’s Day. It was Matt’s desire to spend their Friday in sweatpants playing board-games. Alex was more than happy with the idea. They ended up transforming the game into a drinking game and then into a striptease one. The night ended majestically.

 

On the following Wednesday, during dinner, Matt seemed to act quite weirdly.

 

“Sweetheart, are you ok?” Alex asked at some point.

 

“Arh… yes. Yes, I am. Really. Very ok.” Matt rambled. 

 

“Spill it.” She looked at him with demanding eyes.

 

“Alex, wouldyouwanttomeetmyparents?” He asked all at once.

 

She almost choked with her food. “What?”

 

Matt rolled his eyes and repeated the question pausing between words: “Would you want to meet my parents?”

 

“I heard you… I was just…” Alex grabbed her glass of water and drank it all at once.

 

“Alex.” Matt said more assertive. “I really want you to meet my parents.” He rephrased his plea.

 

“Right…” She said biting her lower lip. “Right…”

 

An uncomfortable silence settled for a couple of minutes. Alex started playing with her food. Matt just looked at her trying his best not to say anything.

 

“So… would this be a sort of… meeting the in-laws thing… or just… casually meeting your parents because they are in town thing…” Alex mumbled.

 

“Inviting my parents over for dinner to introduce you to them as my girlfriend kind of thing. So yes… I suppose it would fall in the meeting the in-laws category.”

 

“Oh dear!” Alex stood up and refilled her glass of water. “Oh dear!”

 

“Alex… it’s not such big of a deal.” Matt tried to convince her. 

 

“Right. Sure. No. It isn’t. It really isn’t… I am perfectly ok with it. The idea is brilliant. I am ok with it. Really. Very ok. What should I cook?” She offered with half a smile.

 

Matt stood up and went towards her: “Precious. They will adore you. Really. My parents are cool. You definitely know this from the set…”

 

“Never met them…” She confessed.

 

“Really? You must have. They visited a lot.”

 

“Never met them.” She repeated.

 

“Will Friday evening do?” He asked kissing her cheeks.

 

“Friday is fine. Friday is… just… great.” Alex rested her head on his shoulder as she felt the panic taking control over her.

 

Friday, February 21st, 2014. 

Alex was in the kitchen cooking (or attempting to). She was mindlessly stressed and her whole body was shaking. She could barely coordinate her hands.  

 

_~ Stressed out, sweetheart? Mind if I keep you company? ~_

“No. No. No. No. Please” She begged out loud. “Just go away. The day is a complicated mess anyways.”

 

_~ I never bother showing up on uncomplicated days. There is no fun in that. Uuuu. What are you cooking? ~_

“Duck and… and… potatoes with other sauté vegetables.” Alex started talking by herself. She very seldom actually replied out loud to her inner voice, but it was one of those days.

 

_~ Aham. Trying hard to be fancy for your mother in law? ~_

“She’s not!” Alex said and shook her head realizing she was speaking out loud.

 

_~ Yet. ~_

“Please go away. Just go away and shut up! I will ruin the food because of you!” Alex thought almost bursting into tears.

 

_~ Compliments accepted. I am after all trying my best here. So. I was thinking… You know Lynne is actually closer to your age than Matt? Isn’t this wicked? Actually, if you ask my opinion, you look like his mom’s friend. Isn’t that funny? His mom’s friend? Can you imagine? Poor woman? Wonder what she feels knowing that her only son is hooked up with some 50 years old woman! I would go mental! Utterly mental. Wouldn’t you go mental? You go mental for much less. Personally, if I were Lynne, I would do my best to give hell to that old hag. Get her off my poor baby boy! His father wouldn’t say much though. He’d be convinced that this is only a phase. You yourself are pretty convinced this is just a phase, aren’t you? This is why you don’t want to meet his parents. Plus… you are scared. I can see it! You cannot hide it from me… you’re scared… so scared… Alex is scared!!! Look at her how scared she is!!! His mommy is going to hate you! A good meal cannot fool anyone. On the contrary: your cooking skills will only underline your vast experience in being domestic. Experience which obviously comes with age! Old age, more exactly. So… if a very successful dinner could not fool anyone, what about a burnt dinner? Argh… what is that smell? Could it be your duck? ~_

 

“SHIT!!!” Alex dropped the knife with which she was cutting the vegetables and jumped on the oven. She could barely see because the tears were blurring her sight, but when she opened the oven’s door everything became worse. The kitchen got filled with black smoke. She tried to pull the tray out of the oven, but in her hastiness she forgot about the gloves. She managed to pull it half way through when her senses kicked it.

 

“Aaaargghhhh!!!” She jumped several steps back moving her burnt hand to her lips. The tray lost its balance and fell from the grill on the oven’s door and from there down on the floor.

 

Matt hurried in the kitchen when hearing all that commotion. He found Alex sobbing with her head on the counter.

 

“Precious… precious… Alex… my love!!!” Matt went and dragged her into her arms. “Sweetheart, what is going on?”

 

Alex could not reply she just clang to him and continued sobbing with her head on his shoulder.

 

“Shh… shh… it’s ok love. I’ve got you. I am here. Everything is ok…” He tried to calm her down, but it wasn’t until 10 minutes later that she managed to break the embrace. She went to open the window without saying a word. Matt grabbed the oven gloves and put the tray with the burnt duck on the counter.

 

“Matt, I know you really want me to meet your parents, but I cannot do it. I just cannot do it! I CANNOT!” Alex confessed starting crying again.

 

“But why?” He asked on a sad tone.

 

“Because they will hate me. Your mother will hate me! She cannot not hate me. I am too old for her son! She will never have grandchildren because of me! You will be the talk of the press because of me! You already are!!!”

 

“Alexandra, this is rubbish! We’ve been through this already.” Matt went and hugged her again.

 

“No. Can’t you see? This is not rubbish. This is common sense! I would do the same for Salome. Heaven! If she’d ever come home with a bloke 20 years older than her I would freak out! I would do anything in my power to put her head back in order! Because this is what parents are supposed to do! But you will never know what parents are supposed to do! Because of me! So let me tell you! This is what they do: take care of their spawns when they are too stupid for reason!”

 

“Did you just call me stupid?” Matt laughed.

 

“Yes, I did. Because this is what you are!!! What the hell are you doing with me here??? Matthew! Just get out! NO… it’s your house. I will leave!” She cracked into tears again.

 

“For fuck’s sake woman! Calm down, NOW! I hate it when you turn all hysterical!”

 

Alex blinked a couple of times seeing how he started raging over her. She put her head down.

 

“You know what Tsar Alexander II used to do when his wife turned hysterical?” Matt asked on a harsh tone. Alex shook her head.

 

“Good. I’ll show you, then.”

 

Matt moved towards her in a heartbeat. Before she could realize what was happening he lifted her with one arm and forced her to sit on the kitchen’s table. Continuing to hold her with one hand, he threw all the vegetables from the table on the floor. Then he started unzipping his trousers.

 

“Matt, no…”

 

“Shut up!” He said firmly while uplifting her skirt and pulling her closer to him removing carelessly all the remaining fabrics in between them.

 

“Ah!” Alex screeched in surprise and a painful tear rolled down her face when he entered her not at all mildly. But, in less than 10 minutes she was all wrapped around his neck screaming in pleasure. Matt followed within seconds.

 

He then moved aside pulling his trousers up.

 

“Feeling better?”

 

Alex jumped off the table and pulled her skirt down. “Yes…” She said while avoiding his eyes.

 

“Good girl.” Matt said quite patronizing. “Now, go and take a shower. Your hair smells like burnt duck. I’ll call my parents and we’ll move this party to a restaurant. On second thoughts, I should have considered organizing this meeting on a neutral soil from the very first moment.”

 

Alex nodded and did not say anything. When her man was so categorical she could not do anything else but to submit – willingly, or not. She turned around to go to the bathroom.

 

“Precious…” Matt said changing to his usual sweet voice. Alex turned around to face him.

 

“I really, really want you to meet my parents. I cannot stress enough how much I want you to meet my parents and them to meet you. This might not be easy, but it is something we really have to do. I know you are worried. Let’s say I can see your point, although in my eyes it is a great nonsense. But I acknowledge your point. Bottom line is: we are the ones who have to be sure about this relationship. Not my parents, not your parents, not the press, not the whole world. I am completely sure I want us to take this relationship as far a relationship can go. Are you sure?”

 

Alex smiled: “Yes. I am sure.”

 

“Good. You said the other day that we are just in the beginning of this relationship, but the beginning won’t pass unless we do something about it. We need to commit more. And part of committing more is meeting my parents, not hiding _stuff_ , and trusting a bit more in our future. Can you do that? Commit more?”

 

“Yes, Matt.” Alex said nodding frantically with her head.

 

“Good girl. Then off you pop. I’ll make some calls to deal with the restaurant reservation.”

 

Alex nodded and left the kitchen with a large smile on her face.

 

Matt called at a restaurant and everything was settled in less than 5 minutes. Then he sneaked to the bathroom to listen weather Alex was in the shower or not. Figuring out that she was indeed busying herself with her amazing curls, he dialed his father’s number.

 

“Hey Dad, how is it going?”

 

_“Driving. We’ll be there in less than a couple of hours.”_

“Listen, I wanted to tell you that we are going to a restaurant for the dinner. There was a small change of plans. And I also booked you a hotel room.”

 

 _“Is everything alright?”_ His father asked.

 

 _“Did Mrs. Robinson bail?”_ Matt could hear his mother saying.

 

“Father, tell Mother I can hear her perfectly!” He said on a harsh tone.

 

_“Lynne, Matt could hear you.”_

_“Well, he knows my opinion.”_ She continued.

 

“Father! Alex is properly terrified. Properly and utterly terrified! Tell Mom to behave! I beg of you. Look, I am on my knees here! I beg of you!” Matt said desperately.

 

_“Lynne, you heard your son!”_

“Am I on speaker? Great!” Matt rolled his eyes. “Mom… mommy… mommitzy… Please! You know I organized all this just to show you how brilliant Alex is and how much I love her for being the formidable person she is! I know you dislike her and the thought of us, but I want to prove you wrong! Look, I was very confident about this meeting, but not anymore. I could have never guessed Alex would be so utterly frightened to meet you. Don’t scare her off, Mother!!! Because I will never forgive you!!!”

 

_“She’s a grown up woman, she can handle me!”_

“Mother!!! Dad, just tell her!!!” Matt sought help.  

 

 _“Lynne… what Matt said!”_ His father commented amused.

 

“Mom! Don’t make me cancel everything!” Matt threatened.  

 

 _“No worries, Matt. She only barks. She’ll never say a word. I promise to you.”_ His father intervened.

 

“Do you now?” Matt rolled his eyes again.

 

_“Cross my heart. She’ll behave!”_

“Thank you, Dad. I’ll text you the details of the restaurant reservation and we’ll meet there. Mommy, don’t you ever forget that I love you a lot and you are the most wonderful mother in the world and you will never find it in your heart to scare my woman away.”

 

Matt heard his father laughing out loud – and he could swear he could hear his mom rolling her eyes. Then he begged her once more to be good to Alex and pressed the red button to end the phone call.

 

Matt let out a big sigh and started cleaning the mess in the kitchen. This ‘give the man what he wants’ episode of their weekend suddenly seemed like a very bad idea! He rolled his eyes. They should have stayed with ‘give the woman what she wants’ only. At least he knew how to handle all that. He cursed himself in his head. Stupid, Matt – he thought. Very stupid, Matt! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready to meet the parents on Monday? Seems like Alex was right to worry about Lynne... so how will that dinner actually go?


	16. Take your elbows off the table!!!

They arrived at the restaurant about 10 minutes past 8 p.m. The traffic had been hell! The fact that they were late made Alex even more nervous. But she was determined not to show it. Yes, she was scared, terrified, very much so, but she had to hide it for Matt’s sake.

 

Matt opened the restaurant’s door for her and invited Alex in. She smiled and stepped inside looking worryingly around. Matt followed her while always holding a hand on her back, moving it up and down trying to relax her. He spotted his parents who were already at the table and bit his lower lip. He felt a horrible knot in his belly.

 

“Shall we?” Matt asked her with an attempted smile.

 

Alex nodded nervously and bit her lower lip as well.

 

“It’s going to be ok, precious. You’ll see.” Matt reassured her.

 

Alex nodded again but didn’t say a word.

 

His father saw Matt and Alex approaching and waved at them. He stood up putting a hand on Lynne’s elbow and slowly pushing her arm up. His mom took the very unsubtle hint with a roll of her eyes. Then she also stood up and attempted a smile.

 

“Father, Mother…” Matt smiled and kissed his mom on the cheek. Then he hugged her very sweetly placing some more kisses on her cheeks. Sneaky, sneaky boy – Lynne thought responding to the hug. Then Matt turned towards his father and gave him a manly hug.

 

“Good evening, Son.” Said David with an encouraging smile.

 

“I am so glad to see you both. I have missed you so much. Terribly much. Especially you, Mom.” Matt grinned and continued without allowing his mother to reply. “Now… Mom, Dad, I would like to introduce to you my girlfriend, Alex Kingston.” He said with a smile and placed again his hand protectively on Alex’s back.

 

Alex tried to smile, but not even her best acting skills could hide the panic in her eyes. She offered her hand for a shake to Matt’s father. His father looked at her with a sweet smile and then at the hand which was quite visibly trembling in front of him. David took Alex’s hand and raised it to his lips. He kissed it gently then he pulled her into a hug.

 

“David Smith. It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you Ms. Kingston! I’ve heard only incredible things about you.” He said with a smile.

 

Matt smiled and blessed his father with a thought. Alex chuckled a bit and smiled genuinely for the first time. Matt looked at her lovingly. She was adorable.

 

When David moved away, Matt’s mom moved forward and offered her hand for a shake.

 

“Lynne Smith. Nice to meet you.” She said on a half fake tone.

 

“Likewise, Mrs. Smith.” Alex said attempting to smile.

 

“Oh, please! Call her Lynne.” Matt suggested.

 

Alex looked at him and then at his mom. Lynne tried hard not to roll her eyes.

 

“Sure. Why not. Call me Lynne.” She said with a visibly fake smile. Alex nodded and didn’t say anything anymore.

 

“So, shall we sit?” David asked keeping his smile and good spirit up.

 

“Precious, let me take your coat.” Matt offered. His mom automatically pulled a face.

 

Alex looked at him with mortified eyes. Was the petname really needed now? Seriously? He knew that she _fake-hated_ it in private and utterly _real-hated_ it in public. Why did he need to use it in front of his parents? And the face his mom pulled??? Didn’t he see that? Oh, heaven! She felt embarrassed – but obviously didn’t say anything.

 

Matt pretended to be oblivious of the situation. He took her coat and placed it on the chair’s back. He then pulled the chair for her and invited Alex to sit. His parents also sat, Lynne never taking her eyes off Alex. The waiter brought the menus and Matt asked for a bottle of red wine. He placed one hand on Alex’s leg, trying to give her more confidence.

 

Matt knew he had to do something to make the atmosphere lighter. He saw his parents putting the menus aside and he did the same. In that very second Alex’s face looked absolutely alarmed – worse, if possible, than at any other point during that day. She turned towards him with a desperate look. Matt just started laughing.

 

“Did we miss something?” Lynne asked very promptly and quite sharply.

 

“Lynne…” David gave her a look.

 

“Yes. It’s an inner joke. Kind of. From Cardiff. You see, Mom, Ms. Kingston here is utterly incapable of deciding what to order in less than one hour. Karen used to get so annoyed and usually started using heavy Scottish banter to urge Alex to order. I just used to laugh a lot and to find it adorable. Then I started dating Alex and I completely saw Karen’s point.” Matt said with a wide smile while Alex let her head down turning utterly red.

 

“No worries, _precious_. I’ll take that from you and I’ll do the honours!” Matt declared chuckling and taking the menu off her hands. Alex felt like killing him. What on earth was he doing??? Why was he trying to embarrass her so badly? And his mother totally hated her! Alex was convinced of it.

 

When the waiter came one minute later to take their order, Matt allowed his parents to order first, then he ordered for himself.

 

“Mrs.?” The waiter asked Alex and she felt like falling under the table. Mrs.? Well, she supposed she looked like one. She could hear Lynne hiding a chuckle. It was horrible!!! Utterly horrible!!! If only the Earth could open and swallow her right then and there!!! She would cry. Definitely. Any second now.

 

“Ms.” Matt corrected the waiter very promptly. “And I will order for her. She will have…”

 

Matt looked at Alex who was about to crack and decided to bring the life back in those cheeks he loved. He could not let her fall apart in front of his parents! Matt knew that the best Alex was the sassy Alex, the one having a line for everything. His teasing so far seemed unsuccessful, but he was trying to make her fight back and she had to join in!!! Maybe all he had to do was push her a bit more. Matt looked at Alex with a sneaky grin and decided to tease her even further.

 

“She will have duck with sauté vegetables.” He said very proud of himself.

 

Alex turned her face to Matt in slow motion. She gave him an utterly killing look that was not in the slightest subtle. She hated him! She really did! Oh, she hated him so much!!! In the impulse of the moment she could not help herself: she violently planted her heel in his foot.

 

“AAAUU!!!!!” Matt shouted out loud moving his foot aside startling the table a bit.

 

Alex could see with the corner of her eye how everyone in the restaurant turned towards them. She moved quickly and pressed her hand on Matt’s mouth to shut him up. Everything happened in the split of a second. Matt kissed the inner of her palm and started laughing with her hand still pressed on his face. Alex looked at him with the most loving eyes, she let her hand fall and started laughing as well. That man was impossible, absolutely impossible!

 

Lynne and David looked around and then at Alex and Matt who were laughing like crazy lost in each other’s eyes. The parents could not help but laugh as well though they were not very sure about what just happened.

 

“Yes, I will definitely have duck with sauté vegetables. Careful not to burn the duck. Makes the most terrible of smells.” Alex said on a teasing and flirtatious voice.

 

“You’re incorrigible!” Matt accused still chuckling. The waiter nodded quite perplexed and left with their order.

 

Alex looked at Matt’s parents who were having quite confused looks on their faces, though they were visibly more relaxed.

 

“Truth is…” Alex began arching her back a little and passing a hand through her curls. “The reason why we’re here, at the restaurant, is that I burnt the dinner. We were supposed to have duck with sauté vegetables but I completely burnt the duck. Guilty as charged. Sometimes I am the best cook, other times I cannot even put the kettle to boil for a cuppa! And Matt is mocking me terribly about that silly duck. Which is so annoying!”

 

“Don’t mind him, dear.” Lynne responded as soon as Alex ended her confession. “His manners are horrible. Seriously. I swear I raised him better. Completely not my fault. You should see Laura, she is a better proof of my good parenting skills. But nothing gets into that funny little head of his!!! Matthew! How many times did I tell you? Take your elbows off the table!” Lynne said with an annoyed voice. Matt rolled his eyes and Alex laughed.

 

“Actually, Lynne…  I will just call you Lynne, because you said I could, right?” Alex said very confidently and his mom nodded. “Matthew here has the best of manners. You should be really proud of him. He is a real gentleman. I have never met a man who takes such good care of a woman before. And at my age, one may say, I do have some experience.”

 

Alex paused for a couple of seconds giving them some time to understand that she acknowledged the elephant in the room, but that she had no intention of being bothered by it. Then she smiled and grabbed Matt’s hand.

 

“Matt is really kind, and generous, and has an amazingly big heart. But I am sure you know all this! But in terms of romantism…” Alex fluttered her eyes a couple of times and smiled widely. “Oh, he surprises me all the time! He is everything you’d wish him to be. He can be mature when the situation asks for it, he can be childish – pretty much all the time. You’d be surprised, but he can even get angry. You should have seen him shouting at me when I burnt the duck…”

 

“On second thoughts, if you think better about it… maybe not…” Matt commented with a naughty look, but not louder than a whisper.

 

“Oh, shut up.” Alex rolled her eyes.  

 

“But yes, Lynne, you do have a point. I don’t want to defend him at all! Sometimes he has terrible manners. He never remembers to take his elbows off the table, and his sense of fashion is utterly horrible… but it’s all part of his baby giraffe charm, as Karen puts it. It’s all part of him being so _him_ and hasty and clumsy and everything! Nothing to do with parenting skills which I assure you were flawless! Everything a boy could have learnt from his parents in order to be an amazing adult and a true gentleman, he nonetheless learnt.” Alex turned her head towards Matt and smiled. “And that’s why I love him…”

 

Matt’s smile froze in an instant and his eyes got wide. Then his whole face became so bright a star could not match it. He bit his lower lip smiling like crazy. He could not believe his ears. He could not believe she said it and he could not believe how she said it. There, in front of his parents! Not as an automatic reply to his words, not out of need or obligation. She must have really meant it, Matt thought, and he felt his heart exploding with joy.  

 

Lynne looked at his son’s face and realized that no matter what she said she could not make him change his mind. Alex made a reference to her age and that meant she knew what the biggest problem with their relationship was. Most probably, Lynne thought, Alex tried to talk sense into Matt but she could not reason with him and his feelings. Alex must have decided to give in only when it was very obvious that Matt wouldn’t stop and her constant refusal would only make him feel miserable. Well, Lynne admitted to herself, if this sassy woman who just proved to be equally eager of either befriending or challenging her was the one his son desired more than anything and anyone… then what was the point in making this woman’s life a hell? Especially when that hell would only affect the happiness of her child as well. Lynne smiled and decided to give Alex a chance. Truce, the mother thought. She’ll call it a truce for now.  

 

From that moment on, the dinner ran smoothly; the conversation flew; the wine poured; and everything turned out better than they could have hoped.

 

When Matt and Alex arrived at home, they were quite tired, but very relieved. Matt went to make himself tea, but she declined the offer and decided to take a quick shower instead.

 

Alex exited the bathroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around her. She startled when she saw Matt sitting at the end of the bed with his elbows on his knees. He was looking at her with big shinny eyes.

 

“Matt? Are you ok, darling?” She asked with a worried voice.

 

Matt nodded and spread his arms asking her silently to go near him. Alex smiled and went towards his opened arms.

 

When she was there, in his arms, Matt took off her towel and let it fall on the floor. Then he began moving his fingers delicately along her body. Alex closed her eyes in delight.

 

“You are so beautiful…” He whispered.

 

“Oh, Matt…”

 

“So beautiful…” Matt placed a kiss on her belly then he rested his head on it. Alex hugged him very protectively. “Alex…” Matt whispered without moving. “What you said at the restaurant…”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Is it true?”

 

“Yes.” Alex said softly and broke the embrace. She let herself fall on her knees. Matt smiled and took her face into his palms. His eyes got fixed on hers. Both pairs of eyes were shinning – utterly shinning. They stayed like that in silence for a couple of minutes just starting into each other’s eyes; barely blinking.

 

“I love you, Matt.” She said on the clearest of voices. “I love you…” She repeated and burning tears started falling down her cheeks.

 

Matt looked at her with shining eyes. She was on her knees in front of him. Her pale face was so natural with absolutely no trace of make-up on it.  He slowly moved his fingers drawing the outline of her cheeks and jaw. He then moved his fingers on her neck, shoulders, breast, belly. That’s how she first told him she loved him: her body stripped of all clothes, her face stripped of all fakeness. What about her soul? Was her soul stripped of all secrets?

 

He wanted to believe it with all his heart, but doubt crawled in his mind exactly in that moment when she was confessing her feelings. His heart started racing being pierced by negative energy. She loved him? Then why did she lie about Ralph? He said he understood and he thought he did; and he wanted to; and he did not judge her; he tried not to; he wanted not to; he prayed not to; he did not judge her; maybe a little; yes, he was starting to; although he should not; he said he would not; and he will not; definitely not; never; just a bit though; a bit… a bit what? A bit jealous! Matt closed his eyes in slow motion.   

 

“I love you…” She repeated still crying.

 

“I love you, too, Alex…” Matt said while his fingers were still roaming over her body. 

 

Jealousy. Now that was a new kind of feeling.

 

_“Don’t forget one thing, Smith! She was mine before she was yours or anyone else’s for that matter!_

 

_Here is where you are so wrong, Fiennes. She is not mine. I am hers. And this is what makes me unstoppable!”_

 

Britannia. Bloody Britannia!

 

How wrong he’s been in believing he did not need to own her. Matt bent and kissed her very possessively. He wanted to own her! Yes, he wanted to own her now. Jealousy.  

 

Alex smiled and replied to his kisses.

 

“I love you, I love you, I love you…” She repeated over and over with her lips curled and her face bright. She felt light. Oh, she felt her heart racing with positive energy.  

 

Alex stood up and slowly pushed him to lay on his back, on the bed. Then she put one knee on the edge of the bed and started crawling towards him.

 

“Alex…” He said softly. “No… no, please.”

 

She stopped confused and blinked a couple of times.

 

“Let’s not do this tonight, if it is ok for you, love. I just want to hold you in my arms, cuddle you and... love you.” He caressed her cheeks with his fingers. Alex smiled and nodded.

 

She climbed off the bed, picked up the towel and put it to dry. Then she put on her pyjamas while Matt did the same. He could not make love to her in that moment because he most definitely did not want her to notice the doubt in his eyes. He was in bed before her and pulled away the duvet to invite her in. She smiled and crawled towards him and then she curled up at his chest. Matt wrapped his arms around her and tried to get lost in the familiar perfume of her skin.

 

Alex closed her eyes and could not help but thinking that no one has ever held her in his arms the way Matt always did. She could not explain it in words. She could not say exactly what he was doing or how he was doing it. But the way in which his arms covered her body gave her a priceless feeling. She felt safe. Protected. Loved like never before...

 


	17. 54 hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Kingston day to all of you sweeties! 
> 
> I don't know about you, but whenever one of my many role-models has a birthday, I turn ubber excited. I decided to post a chapter today in honour of our favourite front lady, even though my last chapter was up only two days ago. I hope you don't mind. Enjoy (sort of).

March 10th, 2014.

 

L.A. past 11:30 p.m.

 

“Come on, Alexandra! Come on, come on, and come on!” He insisted.

 

 _“No! No! No! Really… Just no!”_ He could hear her saying from the other end of the phone call.

“You cannot stay at home all depressed! It’s your birthday!!!” Ralph said stressing every word.

 

 _“Exactly. I am old! What’s to celebrate about that?”_ Alex rolled her eyes.

 

“Seriously, Alexandra! Don’t be ridiculous. You should not spend your birthday alone! At least not the whole day. Let’s have dinner.” He tried to persuade her.

 

 _“I will not be alone.”_ Alex said on an annoyed voice.

 

“Yes, you will be alone because I know Salome is with her school in D.C. You’ve been whining about this for the past twenty minutes!” Ralph contradicted her.

 

 _“Whatever…”_ Alex said rolling her eyes.

 

“Look, Alexandra… I am really sorry that I am not the man with whom you want to spend your birthday…”

 

 _“No, you’re not sorry at all.”_ She snapped interrupting him.

 

“He’s not going to be with you tomorrow, so deal with it!!!” Ralph said sharply.

 

_“Shut up! You’re worse than my inner voice!”_

“Oh, snap!!! I am not that bad!!! Look, I am trying my best here, ok?”

 

 _“Well, your best is not good enough! I miss Matt…”_ Alex could hear him sniffing at her words. 

 

“I bought you a present. Come on! Forget about him! He’s working, ok? Stop being this clingy, he’ll get bored of you! No one likes a whimpering woman! You want him to leave his career and fly over to comfort you just because you’re a whiny baby on her birthday? Or you’re acting like an annoying brat just to get the worst out of me?” Ralph said trying hard to remain calm.

 

_“Now he gets it. I want to get you angry, for fun.”_

“Well, almost there. I am trying my best to hold my temper, Alexandra. No need to be alone and crying when you could spend some time with, you know… an old friend…” Ralph said reluctantly.

 

Alex burst into laughter.

 

 _“We’re not friends!”_ She said bitterly.

 

“Then why are you talking to me?” He asked equally bitterly.

 

_“Cause you called.”_

“Here’s a wild suggestion: hang up!”

 

_“Maybe I should. But Matt does not answer to my calls… and I already left him 12 messages and… he may think I am desperate… which I am not… And then, none of my real friends deserves this kind of behaviour from me. So you’re the only one I can afford being the worst of my worst with. That’s because you’re the lowest of the low.”_

“Oh, my God, Alexandra! You’re as sweet as a lemon tonight. And so obviously drunk.”

 

 _“I am always sweet as a lemon! Even more now, since I am so tired.” _She corrected him.

“No, you’re not tired. It’s called drunk. That’s what you are: drunk. Plus, you’re overly depressed because you’re going to be 51 in 17 minutes.”

 

_“Who’s the lemon now?”_

“Dinner. Tomorrow at 8 p.m. Deal?”

 

 _“No! I will cry in my sweatpants.”_ She insisted getting some more sips of whiskey and curling down on the sofa.

 

“No, you will not.”

 

_“Fine! Let’s watch Harry Potter 7.2. I want to see your butt getting kicked!”_

“Whatever floats your boat.” Ralph said with a smile. “Where do you want to go?”

 

 _“Nowhere! I am not getting out of the house tomorrow. I am just saying I would to shut you up! Because you annoy me and because I want to infuriate you."_  She complained loudly. Exactly in that moment the door-bell rang.

 

“What’s that?”

 

_“My junk food!!! Ordered some chips and chicken from an Indian take away.”_

“Alexandra!”

 

 _“Shut up! Whoever gave you the right to play the voice of morality here? COMING! ONE SECOND!”_ Alex shouted towards the door while grabbing her wallet out of her bag.

 

“You are so verbally aggressive tonight.” Ralph accused.

 

_“Yes, I am! Having a problem with that?”_

Ralph started laughing without knowing what to reply anymore. He stopped only when he heard noises from the phone:

 

_“SURPRISE!!!”_

_“Oh, my God! Matt…”_ Ralph could hear Alex’s voice breaking with genuine emotion. He felt his blood pressure rising in the split of a second.

 

 _“I’ll call you later.”_ She said with her voice trembling.

Before Ralph was able to say anything else, she just hung up on him.

 

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHHHHHH!!!

 

Ralph threw his mobile phone into the wall. The device broke instantly, but he didn’t seem to care. Nor did he care about a vase, the remote control, and a couple of other decorative objects. He ravished all the cushions from sofa before collapsing on it shaking with anger. 

 

He was dying out of jealousy. Dying! And he felt like ripping that Smith’s head off! 

 

Ralph managed to stand up from the sofa some minutes later. He poured himself a glass of vodka. He downed it and then did the same with the next three, four, five glasses. When he went to pick up his mobile phone, he was feeling as if his whole house was spinning. He started swearing when he saw the screen all cracked and when he realised that the device would most obviously not turn on anymore. Thanks heaven for the land line!

 

Ralph went to the kitchen and dialed a number. No one answered for more than 10 minutes! The alcohol was affecting his nerves even more, making him angry and violent. At some point he just cracked because he was redirected to voicemail again.

 

“Answer the fuck up! It’s me!” He shouted in the device.

 

Next time he called, she answered.

 

 _“What the hell, Ralph! It’s almost 1:30 in the morning. What do you want?”_ She said with a sleepy grumpy voice.

 

“Matt Smith made a surprise appearance! Again!” He groaned.

 

 _“Oh, great for her!”_ The sleepy voice said apathetically, really not caring.

 

“What is that you just said?”

 

_“That it’s great for her and not so great for you. I am sleeping. What do you want?”_

“Dianne! If I get my hands on you…”

 

 _“You’re drunk again and angry. You know I hate it when you are like this. I am not in the mood for your moods. Call me in the morning!”_ Dianne said rolling from one side to the other and trying to fall back asleep.

 

“I am not drunk. I am just boiling with anger!”

 

_“Ok, fine. Still call me in the morning.”_

“Dianne!” Ralph said pitifully almost bursting into tears.

 

_"ARGH! Fine. I am up. What can I do for you, you pathetic old loser?”_

 

“Break them up! Break them up, Dianne! I do not have enough patience to wait for them to end it naturally.” Ralph broke into tears.

 

_“Oh, come on! Don’t embarrass yourself. How am I supposed to do that?”_

“I have no idea! Come with a genius master-plan! You’re the spawn of Satan. Bring her back to me!” Ralph cried.

 

 _“Oh, dear, you make me sick. Can you even hear yourself? You’re pathetic!”_ Dianne accused. 

“I want her back! I want her back NOW!”

 

 _“Are you stomping your feet like a retarded child? You selfish bastard! That poor soul does not deserve any of your shit! Why can’t you let her be? Go and sleep and quit drinking! Stop drinking for your own sake! Or I will end up stealing all your money and you won’t even realize.”_ She laughed.

 

“DIANNE!” He screeched.

 

_“For fuck’s sake Ralph! My ears!”_

“Come over. Come over right now. We have to come up with something... something, a plan!”

 

 _“Ralph!”_ Dianne said with a mortified voice. _“I am in bed… please. I promise I will think about something infallible. Ok? Just go to sleep… you’ll feel better tomorrow.”_

“But she’s with him right now…” Ralph tried to protest.

 

_“And what do you think I can do about that? Go and knock on her door and dragged her from under him and put her on top of you? Don’t be ridiculous. This is this, you lost this time… and all the other times, and it serves you well. But they won’t be together for much longer. I promise. Please just go and sleep and let me do the same! I’ll reason with your retarded ass in the morning.”_

“Break them up!”

 

_“I said I will! Stop with the whining! Just go to bed, you idiot! Oh, and under a cold shower first. And stop drinking!”_

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_“What’s that?”_

“My junk food!!! Ordered some chips and chicken from an Indian take away.”

 

 _“Alexandra!”_ She could hear him protesting.

 

“Shut up! Whoever gave you the right to play the voice of morality here? COMING! ONE SECOND!” She shouted towards the door while grabbing her wallet out of her bag.

 

_“You are so verbally aggressive tonight.”_

“Yes, I am! Having a problem with that?” Alex said while opening the door with one hand and holding her phone with the other. 

 

The first thing she saw was a huge bouquet of white flowers. The flowers moved away quickly uncovering the only face she wanted to see more than anything in that moment.

 

“SURPRISE!!!”  

 

“Oh, my God! Matt…” She said softly as her tears started tumbling down her cheeks. “I’ll call you later.” She told Ralph and hung up instantly.

 

Alex jumped on Matt wrapping her arms around his neck. Matt laughed and carried her back in the house closing the door behind them. He had no luggage, only a backpack.

 

“Almost Happy Birthday!!!” Matt said putting her down. He took his phone out of the pocket to check the time. “7 more minutes.”

  

“What are you doing here?”

 

“I couldn’t miss your birthday. I am awfully ill… deadly ill… high fever… cannot even breathe… Might even be contagious… who knows… I definitely cannot work…” He started and Alex worried in an instant and hurried to place her hand on his forehead to take his temperature. Nothing. He seemed fine.

 

“Matthew?” Alex frowned at him.

 

“Might not be exactly true. But no one has to know. I have exactly 54 hours to spend with you!” He declared with a grin.

 

“Did you just…”

 

“Don’t even bother to get annoyed. I am here already so you might as well take advantage of my immaturity.” Matt interrupted her placing a finger on her lips.

 

She started laughing. “I love you! You sneaky boy. I love you so much!”

 

“Love you too. So, what were you up to?” He asked trying to kiss her. He stopped and raised an eyebrow: “Alex, have you been drinking?”

 

“I’m not up to much. I was just waiting for my junk food.” She said avoiding a direct answer.

 

“No way! Alex! You’re drunk and you’ve ordered junk food. Are you down again?” Matt asked worried. 

 

“I am not down. I’m just getting older…”

 

“I know what you mean. This ‘getting older’ thing, happens to me all the time on my birthday. So annoying.” He said sarcastically and she just started laughing. He started kissing her and she got all wrapped around him in a heartbeat.

 

“Come on! Bring the booze! If you drink alone, you’re an alcoholic! If you drink in two, it’s a party already!” Matt checked his phone again. “Four minutes! Run, run! Bring the booze!”

  

When she turned around, Matt slapped her over her arse. Alex laughed and ran to the living room. Matt smiled and went to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase. 

 

“So who was the poor soul who had to listen to you whining over the phone? Oh, and btw! I’ve seen your 12 messages. Gosh, woman!” Matt laughed when she entered the kitchen with the bottle of spirit.

 

“Well, how was I supposed to know you were in a jumbo jet and not avoiding me deliberately?”

 

“Because I would never do such a thing!” He defended himself still laughing.

 

“Still! How was I supposed to know? As for the poor soul. He is not poor at all. He deserves it. It was Ralph.” She said while putting the shot glasses on the counter and started pouring alcohol into them.

 

“Oh, I see. And what did the ex say?” Matt asked hugging her from behind and starting kissing her neck. He could feel his blood starting boiling. He hugged her tighter, very possessively.

 

“Nothing much. He remembered it was my birthday tomorrow so he decided to call to ask if I wanted to meet for a coffee because we haven’t been in touch at all since Germany. But I was already having my party with Jack and Daniel so I started being a bitch to him. Which was fun. He can be neurotic sometimes and it was incredibly amusing to see how he tried so desperately not to lose his temper. I was bored and sad and I was just being ridiculous and annoying... Then when he figured out I was alone and depressed, he tried to persuade me to have dinner with him tomorrow and not to spend the evening crying, since you most obviously would not be able to be with me for my birthday.” She admitted.

 

“Oh well, poor bloke. So sorry for ruining his plans. But you’re busy tomorrow.” Matt said trying his best not to sound harsh then he bit her neck leaving a mark on purpose.

 

“Auch!” She protested turning around and wrapping her hands around his neck. “Are you jealous, Matt?”

 

“Do I have reasons to be?” Matt replied thinking of all painful ways in which he could rip that Fiennes’s head off.

 

“No.” She replied simply with a wide smile. “I love you! I love you! I love you! And I cannot believe you lied to your boss and co-stars and put the entire project on hold! That’s not something you should ever do. I disapprove of it! I am really, really, really mad right now and I think you should be punished.” She said biting his lower lip.

 

“What’cha gonna do? Spank me?” Matt asked sassily.

 

“I just might!” She replied slapping his arse as a payback for earlier. Matt’s eyes caught fire and he lifted her automatically on the counter. He took out his phone again.

 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” He declared with a grin dragging her closer to attack her lips.

 

“Definitely happy now!” She replied kissing him desperately. “Oh heaven, I have missed you! You cannot even begin to imagine how much! Shots?” She suggested.

 

“Shots. Shots. Shots!” Matt laughed biting her lips. “Come on! Let’s turn the music on and blow up the roof! It’s your birthday we should go crazy! Then I completely want to have you spread all over your wardrobe mirrors. Make you mine! Deal?”

 

“Yes! Let’s do that! Let’s totally do that.” Alex said happily jumping off the counter completely oblivious of his very possessive tone. Matt started laughing while looking at her. She loved him and he knew for sure that she loved him. Why was he being so ridiculous? It wasn’t as if he didn’t keep on good terms with all his ex-es, and especially with Daisy. And no one could accuse him of doing anything wrong! But then again, he never eloped with Daisy to the mountains! Shut up, Matt! She did not elope! She explained everything to you, you promised to understand her and you told her how proud of her you were! Don’t succumb to Ralph’s level! That’s not who you are! That’s not what Alex sees in you or wants in you.

 

Matt rolled his eyes feeling very ashamed with himself.

 

“I am hers and I do believe in her…” Matt thought and automatically felt his heart calming down. He did not need to possess her. What he needed was to be the person she could never leave!!! And he knew for a fact that Alex was slowly getting there. After all, she just got all depressed and drank alone just because he was far away. Matt smiled. In that case, he thought, maybe it was time for them to do something in order to change this whole long-distance relationship.

 

“MATTHEW! The party is in here!!! 51!!! I am officially on the other half of a century!” Alex declared laughing from the living room where the music was turned on to maximum levels.

 

Matt ran to the living room with the tequila bottle. They didn’t need glass shots.

 

He wrapped an arm around her and then he put the bottle to Alex’s lips. She took a shot making a face. He laughed and then he moved the bottle to his lips. Matt raised her into the air and started spinning her around. He adored to see her that crazy and happy. Ralph almost ruined their relationship filling Alex’s head with nonsense. Matt was most definitely not going to allow that bastard to do the same with his head. Alex loved him and he knew it. He loved her back and she knew it! It was all that mattered.   

 

“You don’t look a day older than 21!” Matt complimented her with a smile.

 

“I don’t feel a day older than 21, now that you are here with me!” She confessed kissing him again.

 


	18. 51? Just hide the 1!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweeties! How is everyone doing? 
> 
> Here is the birthday chapter that I did not manage to synchronize with Alex's actual birthday last week. But I hope you'll enjoy it as much nonetheless.

He checked his phone: 12:47 p.m.

 

He rolled his eyes and tried to drag himself out of bed. He could hear an annoying banging into his head. He should really listen to Dianne and quit drinking.

 

Ralph entered the shower, stayed there for ages and left only when his head seemed to feel better. He went to the kitchen to make a coffee and sighed when he remembered that he needed a new mobile phone.

 

Rolling his eyes again, Ralph grabbed the home phone to call Dianne.

 

“Oh, look who’s up. How’s your head doing?” She greeted him laughing.

 

“Bad.”

 

“I am most happy to hear that.” Dianne said with a smirk.

 

“Aren’t you a darling?” Ralph said through his clenched teeth.

 

“Oh, but I am! Just wait till you hear my horrible plan!” She declared proudly.

 

“So what are you going to do? Get into Smith’s bed?” He laughed.

 

“Don’t be stupid, Ralph. That man would not cheat on Alex if his life depended on it! But you cannot understand that sort of dedication and commitment, so I would not bother explaining to you the mechanisms of an honest heart.”

 

“How would you know anything about honest hearts?” Ralph replied snappily.

 

“Oh, I do know! I did play an important role in breaking quite a few. And I will do the same with Smith’s heart. If you’ll just stop annoying me.” Dianne laughed.

 

“Go ahead. Impress a guy. What’s the plan?”

 

“One could say that the plan is a whole new level of evil. It is going to work on a long term basis. It’s a very serious business and you should not take it lightly! You should be extremely sure you want to go that path. It will take a lot of dedication. Also, the plan might actually help you become a better man and less lonely. You see? I think about everything. Including your dark heart which deserves nothing but pity…”

 

“Skip the intro, Di. What’s the plan?” He urged her.

 

“As far as I know Alex and her weak points…” Dianne began on a low and organized voice. Ralph listened to her carefully putting the kettle to boil and starting preparing his coffee. With every word Dianne said, his eyes went wider. He felt a terrible knot in his belly. By the time she finished presenting her plan, Ralph looked shocked. He had one hand on the coffee mug and he placed the other on his abdomen, somewhere between his heart and his sick stomach.

 

“So, what do you say?” She asked and he could imagine her grinning like a hyena.

 

Ralph swallowed twice. Very hard. He had to blink several times, shake his head, and clear his voice before replying to her:

 

“Di… I know I usually say that you are the spawn of Satan. But you just proved me wrong. You’re his bloody mother!”

 

Dianne started laughing and Ralph could not help but think that the sound of her laughter was borderline to malefic.

 

“Thank you for the compliment. So, are we doing this???” She urged him impatiently.

 

“Dianne… I don’t know. This might be way too much. This is such a sensitive thing for Alex. I thought we were discussing breaking Matt’s heart, not crushing hers.” Ralph said trying to back down.

 

“Well, you cannot really have one without the other.” Dianne excused herself.

 

“Yes but… your plan targets Alex, not Smith!” Ralph insisted.

 

“That’s because your beloved ex is the weakest link in that relationship! You want to succeed in breaking apart a unitary whole? Go for the weakest link of that unitary whole! You cannot attack the core, it’s never going to work. The only person who could get Smith’s head full of doubts and pessimist feelings, is none other than Alex herself!”

 

“Yes… but…”

 

“Oh, come on! I promised you something infallible. Would this ever fail?” Dianne asked suddenly getting annoyed.

 

“No… but…”

 

“But? But what the hell then!!!” She snapped.

 

“I cannot do that to her… it’s really a low move… very low… immoral... unethical even!” Ralph tried to protest.

 

“Oh, look at you being more Catholic than the Pope himself! Is this really about Alex, or are you terrified by the whole process and its long term implications?”

 

“No, absolutely not. As a matter of fact, I would actually do it. I would do it for myself. But I cannot do it with the explicit intention of hurting Alex. I’ve never done anything along those lines.” Ralph said rolling his eyes.

 

“Fuck off!!! Next time when you drunk call me in the middle of the night crying and begging for help, I will just ignore you, because it is absolutely obvious that you do not have blood in your balls while awake and sober!” Dianne accused him on a very harsh tone.

 

“But this is low, Dianne!” Ralph insisted.

 

“Whatever. So what now? Shall I just kill the plan?”

 

“Yes, yes! By all means! Just let her be happy… I'll wait... I will wait because it won't last for much longer... I'll let her have her affair.” Ralph said rolling his eyes.

 

“Suit yourself.” Dianne replied so obviously annoyed.

 

“Dianne, come on, don't get angry. Thank you for coming up with something so elaborate and infallible. But I really cannot get Alex back using such a diabolically constructed story arc…” 

 

“Well, you ruined my mood, but then again, you seldom don’t. Anyway, you know the plan. It's the only thing I have in mind and I will definitely not bother coming up with something else. You don't deserve me wasting sleeping hours and brain cells creating conspiracies for you just to toss them aside! If you ever get desperate enough and grow a pair, just dial 666 and if I am not busy shopping I will come to the rescue. Speaking of which… I saw these shoes and an amazing bag…”

 

Ralph rolled his eyes. “How much?”

 

“Be generous. Something with a minimum of three 0's because I am really mad.” She said smirking.

 

“You’ll get me bankrupt.” Ralph accused.

 

Dianne just laughed. “My love, a personal assistant from Hell comes at a very expensive price.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“12:47 p.m.!!! Wakey-wakey, you sleepy head.” He shouted running into the room and diving onto the bed.

 

“Argh! Matt, no!” She groaned annoyed.

 

Matt just laughed. He put a party horn to his mouth and started blowing it into her hair over, and over, and over again!

 

“NOOOOOO!!!” Alex took the pillow from under her head and started hitting him with it all over his face. At some point, Matt was able to grab the aggressive pillow and to throw it on the floor. He was laughing his head off. Matt waited in silence for half a minute, and then he continued blowing the party horn again, and again, and again, and again!

 

“THE NOISE! MATT! THE NOISE!” She cried out loud.

 

“Oh, right! You need light as well!” Matt jumped off the bed and ran to the curtains pulling them apart. “Look at that spring Californian sun!!!” He declared with a smirk.

 

“NO! PULL THEM OFF!” Alex complained dragging the duvet over her head. Matt dived onto the bed again. He climbed on top of her, straddling her cover body which looked like a cocoon. He started jiggle-joggling her from left to right and all over again. Alex pulled the duvet away from her face and shouted:  

 

“I WILL KILL YOU AND BURY YOUR DEAD BODY IN MY BACKGARDEN!”

 

Matt let himself fall on the bed and rolled on one side barely being able to breathe from all the laughter. Alex smiled. Oh, she adored him! She started laughing as well and threw the duvet on the floor before rolling on top of him.

 

“My head is exploding! My tummy is sick and my eyes are burning! Care to explain why you’re torturing me on my birthday?” She asked sassily. 

 

“Because I love your dragon-mood when you are so hangover!” Matt declared with a grin.

 

“That’s why you got me so drunk last night? To torture me in the morning?” She accused.

 

Matt rolled her over, getting on top of her again.

 

“Actually, the plan was to torture you last night, not this morning. But you fell asleep in the middle of the process!!! Never happened to me before. My manly pride will never ever recover.” He confessed pulling some big puppy dog eyes.

 

“Matthew, sweetheart, you were so smashed yourself. Sorry to break the news, but your manly pride was barely functioning. That’s why I fell asleep!” She snapped with an evil grin.

 

“AUCH!” Matt said visibly (and fakely) hurt. He bent and started biting her, imprinting his teeth on her arm and shoulder.

 

“MAAAATTTT!!!” Alex started laughing and screaming in the same time. “GET OFF ME! You biting puppy!”

 

“You did not!” Matt accused and started tickling her against all screams of protest. He did not stop until her face was covered in tears from all the laughter. He collapsed on the bed next to her and waited for her to catch her breath. Then he smiled and placed a soft kiss on her lips, before starting singing joyfully:

   

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, my precious ALEX! Happy birthday to YOOOOU!”       

 

Alex smiled and blushed.

 

“Oh, Matt, my love, my sweetheart, my darling! You make me so happy! So happy, you have no idea! Thank you for being here. I was never able to mouth my desire out of fear of sounding selfish, but I wanted so many times to ask you to fly over! But I couldn’t, because you had your work and everything. And then Salome had to leave… Stupid school trip! I cried all day, without her knowing – of course – when I figured out that I would not have any of my two adored ones with me on my birthday. But I could not be that selfish as to make her stay home! The poor child asked me so many times if I was ok with it. Of course I was ok with it, well… kind of ok... Not that ok, but you know. A mommy has to do what she’s got to do… Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here… I love you…” She said placing her lips on his.

 

He kissed her back with a large smile. Oh, if only he could be there all the time – Matt thought. He wanted nothing more than to move in with her. But what could he do or say? He knew she could not leave the States for the time being, so it was him who had to relocate. He had no problems with the idea of leaving the Kingdom for a while. However, he could do nothing about it no matter how much he desired it. He simply could not invite himself into her house just like that. Matt closed his eyes and made a mental wish:

 

_“Oh, Alex, my love… please ask me to never leave again. Ask me to stay here, with you forever and I will stay!”_

 

After some more minutes of kissing and snuggling, Matt rolled out of bed falling surprisingly graceful on the floor.

 

“Come on! I made breakfast!” He declared.

 

Alex’s eyes went wide and she started sniffing.

 

“You’re evil!” Matt said pulling his tongue out at her. Alex started laughing and pulled her tongue out right back. “I didn’t burn the house. Ok?” Matt excused himself.

 

“Just wanted to make sure, sweetie. What did you make?” Alex said fluttering her eyelashes.

 

“Our breakfast!”

 

“Ow… pancakes with Nutella and bananas!” She said rolling out of bed and jumping directly on him. “Now, aren’t you the perfect boyfriend?”

 

“I am! And I have things for your birthday! A whole bag full of things! And a whole plan about how to spend the day!” Matt said spinning her into the air.

 

“Impress me!!! But put me down! Hangover!!!”

 

“Gotta get rid of that before our day. Aspirin! Two of them! Water! Food! Let’ eat!!! You need to be in perfect shape.” Matt dropped her on the floor and stepped back. He smiled.

 

"Race! LAST ONE IS A LOSER!!!” Matt shouted and started running towards the kitchen.

 

“HEY! THAT’S CHEATING!” Alex shouted running out of the room as well and trying to catch him.

 

“No, it’s not. This is though…” Matt laughed taking off his t-shirt and throwing it behind. The t-shirt fell exactly on Alex’s head slowing her down.

 

“I’LL JUST KILL YOU!”

 

Matt jumped the last three steps before stopping right in front of the kitchen's entrance. He turned around. He crossed his arms at his chest and looked at her with angry eyes.

 

“Omg, Alex! This is the second time in half an hour that you shout your horrid threats out loud! The whole neighbourhood will hear you and if I tumble and fall and hit my head and die, you’ll get yourself in trouble! Tick-tock goes the clock, now prison waits for Riveeeeeer!” Matt teased.

 

“Well, then don’t hit your head and die!” Said Alex sassily while pushing him away from the entrance and entering the kitchen before him. “I WIN! YOU’RE A LOSER!”

 

“Oh, you win! Amazing!” Matt started clapping his hands following her in the kitchen. “I forgot to say that the winner has to wear this the entire day!” Matt smirked and went towards the counter. Alex looked in that direction and her mouth dropped.

 

“NO WAY. NO! Absolutely not.”

 

“OH, YES! Absolutely yes!”

 

“No, no, no! Just no!”

 

“You won and the winner takes it all, Alex.” Said Matt placing a fez on her curls.

 

“This is horrible! I hate you.” She sniffed at him.

 

“No, you don’t. Now have a seat, Doctor Corday slash Song! Pancake time!”

 

Alex took a seat pretending to be still grumpy and making faces at the fez. Matt continued laughing the whole brunch making fun of her. Alex got so annoyed at some point that she utterly threw a pancake at him. Matt caught it and threw it back. She grabbed a couple of blueberries and threw them in his face. Matt replied by throwing some slices of kiwi at her. The only thing that stopped them from getting into a proper food fight was Alex’s phone which very inconveniently started ringing. 

 

“Might be my baby!” Alex said jumping on the device which had been forgotten in the kitchen sometimes during the drunkness of the previous night. Alex frowned at the number. “+44… Someone unknown from the UK. I won’t answer.”

 

“Oh, just do it.” Matt said smirking. Alex considered it for another second and then answered.

 

“Hello?” She asked not really sure of what to expect.

 

_“Alex? Hello… Lynne Smith here.”_

 

Alex’s eyes went wide and she looked at Matt spelling with her lips: “It’s your mom.”

 

Matt nodded and spelled quietly back: “I know. She’s been calling since 9.”

 

“Lynne, hello. What a… pleasant… surprise.”

 

 _“Happy birthday, sweetheart! I wish you all the happiness in the world.”_ An overly-cheerful voice greeted her.

“Oh, thank you so much Lynne. So kind of you to call.” Alex replied slightly awkward.

 

_“Oh, no bother at all. I keep in touch with most of Matt’s ex-girlfriends. I’m a cool mom.”_

 

Alex pulled a face and rolled her eyes. Matt had no idea what his mom told Alex but he silently laughed anyway.

 

“Oh, that is so… considerate.” Alex tried to reply.

 

 _“Oh, wait. No! Not that I meant you were an ex, don’t get me wrong...”_ Lynne excused herself.

 

“No, no. Obviously not, Lynne. No worries… Thank you so much for… calling. It’s been a most unexpected, but amazingly pleasant, surprise.” Alex assured her.

 

_“Oh, I am glad I made your day. Have you talked to my son today?”_

 

“Ah, ah… Matt?” Alex looked at him panicking a little.

 

 _“Yes, I don’t have other sons…”_ Lynne said sassily.

 

“Ah… ah…” Alex hummed uncertain of what she could say.

 

_“You know he is terribly sick right?”_

 

“Ah… yes, yes… he mentioned something about being sick...”

 

Matt shook his head frantically and shouted: “Nononono! Trap. Trap! She knows…”

 

Alex rolled her eyes, grabbed a pancake and threw it at him hoping he would get the nonverbal message which meant “and you’re telling me only now? So dead you have no idea!”

 

Lynne just started laughing at Alex's awkward silence.

 

 _“Oh, darling. I am just mocking you! Sorry about that. Matt made me do it because he still thinks you are scared of me. Seriously, darling! Don't be scared. I am harmless... I promise. As long as he is happy, I am most happy as well! And I am glad to know my son is in such good hands. I really hope you two will be very happy together for as long as it lasts. But I will always tease you whenever I have the chance. My mother-in-law teased the hell out of me and she had way less reasons than I have for doing so.”_ Lynne said laughing. 

 

Alex smiled. There was really not much she could say about that so she chose to ignore Lynne's latest remarks. 

 

“Oh, Lynne… thank you so much. You really have no idea how important your approval is to me.”

 

 _“Oh, don’t be silly. You need no one’s approval! Just do what you do because you are amazing at it. I have never seen Matt this in love in my life. I will go now and let you two love birds enjoy your time together. It’s anyway so little that I have no idea how you manage… Really. Sooner or later this long-distance thing will no longer be enough. Take care of yourself and of my boy. And a most happy birthday again!”_  Lynne said smiling.

 

“Thank you, Lynne. Thank you so much. Have an amazing day. I send you and David hugs.”

 

 _“You two, kids. Take care.”_ Lynne said before ending the phone call.

 

“Your mother is a sweetheart.” Alex said putting her phone on the counter.

 

“I am sure you are half sarcastic.” Matt teased.

 

“Neh, just a third sarcastic.” Alex said straddling him on the chair and wrapping her hands around his neck. “She was genuinely sweet, though quite teasing. Her call really cheered me up. I think we settled for having a decent love-hate relationship. More love than hate, but we will never admit it." Alex laughed and Matt did the same. "Matt… I love you.” She whispered starting kissing him.

 

Alex’s mind got filled with Lynne’s words. Oh, this long distance was already not enough… But what could she do? She could not leave the States for the time being. So it was him who had to relocate. She could not say a word because she had no right to ask him to give up his whole life for her. Alex closed her eyes and made a mental wish:

 

_“Oh, Matt, my love… please tell me you’ll never leave again. Tell me you’ll stay here, with me forever!”_

 

She snuggled him for a while then she asked sweetly: “So what is the plan for today?”

 

“Oh, it’s epic!” Matt declared suddenly standing up – obviously forcing her to do the same. Alex was startled by his rapid movement. She looked at him with confused eyes moving a couple steps back.

 

“So! We’ll have an epic birthday party! Just you and me! We’re going to go food shopping. Just you and me! And you will wear the fez, because you have to, since you won the race! And you have to wear a ‘Birthday Girl’ sash!” Matt declared clapping his hands.

 

“I most definitely won’t do such thing!” Alex said raising her eyebrows.

 

“Sush! You will! So we go food shopping. But we buy nothing else but sweets!!! All the sweets in the world! Chocolate! Cakes! Biscuits! Jelly babies! More Nutella! More chocolate! Different flavours of chocolate! Oreo! Ice cream. Several cakes with chocolate and a cheesecake! Then we come back home and build a fortress in your living room!”

 

“What???” Alex said even more perplexed.

 

“A fortress in your living room!!!” He stressed every word as if that was the coolest thing in the whole universe. “A fortress made from sheets!!! And we will hide all the sweets in there! And we never leave the fortress and we play on Wii all day long eating all the sweets! And we play dancing games! And singing games! And car race games! I saw all your games! They are amazing! We’ll go crazy! No alcohol allowed. We will have the Ultimate-Sugar-Rush-Experience!!! We will stop from eating sweets only when our hearts are racing! Deal? Deal?” Matt asked with the enthusiasm of a child.

 

“You know.” Alex said calmly. “This reminds me of something… But of what? Ah yes! Salome’s idea for her 5th birthday party.”

 

“Your daughter is so cool!”

 

“I said she did that at 5, Matt! 5!” Alex stressed.

 

“There is really not much difference!!! 51? Just hide the 1!!! But fine, we'll add a dose of grown-up-ness to it: we can have sex as many times as you want. Now. I have the sash here!” Matt said turning around and going towards the counter. There was a plastic bag full of birthday props. “Here’s your sash, birthday gurl!!! Put it on! Pink with red and goldish glitter! Amazing. You look fabulous, precious! Fabulously precious. Ha!” Matt laughed while forcing the sash on her.

 

“There is no way I will go out with these things on! Why should I be the only one embarrassed in public?” Alex complained. “It’s my birthday!” She stomped her foot on the ground.

 

“No, you didn’t let me finish. I will wear a pink plastic tiara! I’ll have a wand with a pink star on top! And a sash on which is written: SIDECICK!!!”

 

Matt grabbed the props out of the plastic bag. He placed the tiara on his head and the sash around his upper body. Then he started waving around the princess wand.

 

“OH HEAVEN YES!!! You could totally be my sidekick... Sweets, sex, wii? LET’S DO ALL OF IT!”  Alex declared starting bouncing up and down.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now aren't they a pair of cutieeeeesss? I don't know about you, but I felt sugar-high after rereading and editing this chapter. Not sure if it's because of how adorable Alex and Matt were or because of the thought of them eating only sugary products for a whole day. I have to confess that Alex's birthday party is exactly what I call at the moment a dream party... wish I could do something similar at some point for my birthday. Xx


	19. A field day

Matt said 54 hours. That meant two days and 6 hours. It also meant that on March 13th, 2014, at 6 a.m. his plane was due to depart.

 

Again at the airport. Again saying goodbye - Alex thought sighing. Why did he have to go? Why? Why? Why? She started kissing him while hot tears were falling down her cheeks. Well, she knew very well he had to work. She did not mean ‘why did he have to go _right now_ ’, she meant ‘why did he have to go _ in general'_.

 

Again at the airport. Again saying goodbye - Matt thought sighing. And she was kissing him and crying. This was becoming an unbearable habit! Why did she cry every time, but never asked him to stay? Why? Why? Why? He softly replied to her kisses unable to say anything out of fear of starting crying himself. Well, he had to work. It wasn’t as if he could stay _right now_ , but he could stay _in general_ …

 

The last boarding call. Matt rolls his eyes. He has to go. He has to leave her in tears. Again. He can barely bare doing that. Even more so since they don’t even know when they’ll see each other next time, because they are so busy...

 

Alex tries to smile, but she is so sad. She loves him and she needs him and she is too old for a long-distance relationship – Alex thinks with another big sigh. She waves him goodbye. He blows her a kiss and disappears.

 

He’s gone. She wipes her tears with heavy heart and turns around. She needs a coffee. She wants a coffee and something sweet. Oh, maybe next time… maybe next time she’ll be able to stop him…

 

Matt presents his passport and ticket. Maybe next time… maybe next time he’ll ask her if he could move in… or at least hint it… or ask Karen to hint it… or just… pray she will say something… yes, maybe next time she’ll stop him…     

 

Alex drives to a small and cozy coffee shop. It’s already past 7 a.m. Coffee. Coffee.

 

“Good morning… I’d like a big latte and that muffin…” Alex suddenly stops. She remembers her birthday party with Matt. She remembers how she’s sworn to never eat sweets in her life again! She smiles, shakes her head and continues. “… yes, I’ll definitely have that muffin and the biggest piece of cheesecake, please.” Alex smiles, but it's a sad smile because she knows that no matter how many sweets she’ll have, she’ll still be deprived of her favourite sweetie for a while…

 

Alex really didn’t want to go home to see that he was not there. At least Salome was due to return from her trip later that evening. She could spend the whole day out, walking aimlessly around the city, maybe she could go shopping, and then go to the airport again to pick her daughter. She was anyway going to be busy with a couple of small projects from the next week on. Yes, Alex thought. She could afford wasting a day doing absolutely nothing while trying as hard as possible not to cry because Matt left.

 

Alex picked a nice spot and sat down making herself cozy…

 

She took out her tablet and decided to browse the internet.

 

Browse-browse-browse… one sip of coffee… one bite of muffin… browse-browse-browse…

 

Suddenly, Alex just stops and stares at the screen. Her eyes go wide and she almost spits the coffee out of her mouth.

 

**_ The Doctor and the Sidekick _ **

 

She reads and rereads the title of what pretended to be an article. Cheap journalism! She thought rolling her eyes. What now?

Alex felt suddenly very angry. Oh great! Sidekick. Now that was a new nickname! Brilliant. What? “Cougar” and “Mrs. Robinson” were no longer trendy? She felt so annoyed. What was wrong with the bloody press? But the temptation proved too big and she decided to click on the link.

 

The page opened. Alex frowned for a second and then burst into laughter, turning some heads in that small coffee shop towards her.

 

Sidekick? The first thing she notices was that the article was more like a photo gallery. It started with a picture with Matt and his “sidekick” sash. Next to him, in the picture, was no other than herself looking annoyed and wearing the stupid fez. The picture was from the other day, from the supermarket, when they were buying sweets. Alex had a very categorical and mature look on her face (despite her utterly ridiculous appearance) while Matt held his head down looking like a begging puppy. That must have been the moment when she said “no” to the three cans of green whipped cream Matt was so eager to buy. I mean seriously, Alex thought, why the hell would they buy green whipped cream? It looked gross! And so artificial! Next to the picture there was a caption:

 

_ We just wanted to be explicit about who’s the Doctor and who’s the Sidekick in this unconventional fairy tale! Keep up with the good work, Doctor Song! _

Alex pulled a little victorious smile. Finally someone saying something nice!

 

Then she continued staring at the picture. She smiled sweetly. Oh, he was so cute! Alex looked around as if trying to see if anyone was watching her. No. All clear. She bit her lip and saved the picture.

 

What? She was allowed to save the picture! Right? It was an adorable picture. He looked adorable! His little sad eyes and his pink tiara and his sash and those curved lips and did she mention his eyes and his unbelievably adorable face??? She wasn’t creepy, was she?

 

_~ Don’t be silly. Do you have any idea how many other people saved these pictures already? I bet you don’t even want to think about the amount of people who own more pictures with you than you do yourself! For heaven sake, dumbo! You’re in these pictures. You’re allowed to save them if you want… you’re so silly sometimes… like really! ~_

Alex smiled. Right. Her inner voice was right! She could save the pictures if she wanted to. More than that, she should actually send him some pictures!!! To cheer him up when he turns his phone back on. 

 

She sent the picture on what’s app quoting the online caption and then adding her own:

 

_“Look at your puppy dog eyes. Now I feel guilty about not allowing you to buy the green whipped cream... I will be more considerate with your gross tastes next time, ok?"_

 

There were quite a few more pictures with them at the supermarket doing their extravagant birthday shopping. Alex looked at all those pictures with a ridiculously huge grin on her face. She saved all of them and bombarded Matt’s what’s app with quite a few. But the gallery did not stop there… no, no…

   

Next was a picture with Matt punching Ralph at the Britannia Awards. The caption read:

 

_ We are pretty sure this is how it all began, although the closest-to-official story tries to convince us otherwise. No one can deny that this picture has something incredibly romantic about it! _

 

She laughed and sent it to Matt adding her own caption:

 

_“Apparently we didn’t fool anyone with the fake Britannia story. Told you so!”_

 

Next. Next. A couple of pictures with Matt buying flowers. Even a picture with them arriving at the dinner with Matt's parents (thanks heaven it was from outside and not from inside the restaurant!!!) Alex frowned. Well, now that was a wide selection of pictures. Someone went a long length stalking them over these past months! Why wasn’t she annoyed? She was pretty sure she should be properly terrified and annoyed. But no, she was smiling like an idiot. Why was she smiling like an idiot while ridiculously stalking herself and her boyfriend on the internet?

 

Next, next. Pictures with her crying at the airport. Oh, so many pictures with her crying at the airport! There was one with Matt cupping her face and leaning towards her to kiss her lips. There was so much love in his eyes. Alex felt like melting. She could almost feel how his lips touched hers.

 

_ We are not sure if the Doctor ever loved his River Song, but Matt Smith adores his Alex Kingston.  _

 

Alex let out a big: “Owwww.”

 

_~ Are you fangirling over your own relationship? How smitten are you? ~_

Alex blushed. Heavily. “I apparently am both fangirling and smitten! You can judge me as much as you want! But we are too cute! Just look at us being so cute, you heartless bitch! Look at us how cute we are!!! How can you not melt?” Alex laughed at her inner voice then saved the image.

 

She immediately sent it to Matt. She knew she was spamming his what’s app, but she didn’t really care. As with the other pictures, she added her own caption next to the internet one:

 

_“Alex Kingston adores her Matt Smith, as well. Just saying.”_

 

Next, next, next… next, next!

 

“Oh, no! No, no, no, no!” Alex said staring at the screen. Oh, that was not possible! She bit her lower lip then nervously moved one hand to her curls. Right. Right. What should she do? What should she do... oh... that was not good... potentially not good... What should she do???

 

Ah, first, she had to kill the sinner!!! Alex pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialled a number.

 

 _“What the hell it’s 8 a.m.!”_ A sleepy voice mumbled.

 

“I will literally kill you! Are you out of your mind???” Alex said sharply.

 

 _“What did I do?”_ The voice asked almost giggling.

 

“Are you serious???”

 

_“I cannot know if I was serious or not unless you tell me what it is that I did!”_

 

“How could you do that??? Were you drunk again??? You should quit drinking!” Alex accused.

 

 _“I don’t know if I was drunk. Depends on the hour at which I did whatever it is that I did this time…”_ The voice teased.

 

“I will kill you! Painfully! You are crazy! You definitely have no limits!” Alex said clenching her teeth.

 

 _“Oh, thank you. I have been told so many times before, yes.”_ The voice laughed.

 

“Laugh all you want! But oh, just you wait ‘till Matt hears about this!” Alex threatened.

 

 _“Well, it’s not my fault! You decided I was not important enough to spend your birthday with you! So I made a statement.”_ The voice accused.

 

“So you know what you did!”

 

 _“Of course I know! I am surprised it took you this long to find out. I am actually sad that you didn’t see it while he was here… it would have been hilarious to see his reaction!”_ The voice continued laughing.

 

“I was busy!” Alex defended herself.

 

_“Roar, busy ravishing that sheet fortress!”_

 

“Karen Sheila Gillan!”

 

_“And no, I wasn’t drunk. I just felt mean! There were so many sweets. I really wanted to come to your birthday party… and you didn’t invite me. You just sent silly pictures and bragged about your chocolate feast!”_

 

“We definitely did not send you all the selfies with us kissing for you to leak them on social media, you shrew! What were you thinking?!?” Alex almost shouted, but turned around carefully to see if people were watching. Well, she was safe as long as she was only “whispering shouting”.

 

Karen just laughed out loud.

 

 _“Oh, Alex! But those pictures were hilarious. You two looked like some five years olds having a ball! I could not help myself! And told you! That is what you get for not inviting me on your birthday! And your father is equally upset! He gave me permission to tweet the kissing selfie and the picture with you stuffing cake in Matt’s mouth while playing on wii! With a fez on your head and that ridiculous sash… and he with that tiara… oh my god, I cannot breathe!”_ Karen was just laughing her head off and Alex was pretty sure the ginger had tears in her eyes because of all that hysterical laughter. 

 

“Of course ‘dad’ gave you permission!” Alex sniffed at Karen’s words. “Just you and Arthur wait till me and Matt are gonna pay you back for this! This is not over you certifiable woman!” Alex laughed backed.

 

 _“So are you mad-mad or mad-but-not-so-mad?”_ Karen adventured herself to ask.

 

“Does it even matter??? The pictures are out there already and the internet is unstoppable! I am sure they are everywhere and that I will hear from my publicist soon! Let’s not mention that Matt is gonna get himself into some embarrassing trouble when the director finds out he was not at all ill, but he decided to fly to L.A. to shag his girlfriend on her birthday. Pff. You’re one crazy bitch, but there is actually no point in me being mad-mad! It’s too late for mad-mad. But I swear I’ll revenge for this. Are we clear, _mommy dear_?”

 

 _“Clear as the moonlight, daughter dear. Looking forward to it.”_ Karen laughed. _“How did you find the pictures online, dare I ask?”_

 

“Well… I was… stalking me and Matt online…”

 

 _“What???”_ Karen laughed even harder.

 

“Shut up. He just left and I was down and I was checking the news and having a coffee and then this gossip website popped up and there were pictures… and we were cute… and I just kept on checking pictures with us… I know it sounds pathetic but ah…”

 

 _“Omg, daughter! It was about time!”_ Karen declared.

 

“About time? What do you mean?” Alex asked confused.

 

 _“You’re in love with him!”_ The Scottish woman giggled.

 

“Well, of course I love him!” Alex said rolling her eyes.

 

_“No, no, you didn’t get what I meant. Of course you love him and all, but this is so much more! Oh, this is priceless! You’re finally desperately in love with him! This is Christmas in whatever month we are in!”_

 

Alex smiled and she felt random animals flying in her stomach.

 

“Yes. Yes… I am! Oh heaven. I am so in love with him! Oh, Karen! You have to help me… I am desperate!”

 

 _“Desperate? What? Why are you desperate?”_ Karen asked confused.

 

“I want him to never leave me again. I want him to move here with me forever… how do I say it? I don’t want to sound clingy and desperate… but I am both! Hell knows I am both. And I don’t freaking care about him working… oh that is such a selfish thing to say. I mean, I do care about his work and career… don’t get me wrong. But I cannot help being selfish! I want him here! And I want him here, NOW!” Alex said on a whining voice. Karen just laughed. “Please don’t laugh. I am going through hell and it is painful and my heart is burning and he left only one hour ago… I will die until next time… absolutely die!!!”

 

 _“Well, just ask him to move in.”_ Karen said still laughing.

 

“But HOW?” Alex said annoyed that Karen was not understanding the difficulty of the situation.

 

 _“Well, mommy’s got to teach you how to speak. Just repeat after me: ‘Matt, would you want to move in with me?’ Now you say it, baby. I know you can.”_ Karen mocked.

 

“Not funny!” Alex accused. “I mean… he has to give up his life and to move here and everything. What if he doesn’t want to?”

 

 _“Oh, he wants. He will do it.”_ Karen assured her.

 

“Well, if he wants, then why doesn’t he say anything?”

 

_“Well, why don’t you say anything?”_

 

“Because I don’t know how… it’s been years since I last did this.” Alex tried to defend herself.

 

_“Well, he’s never done anything like this before. He’s never properly moved in with a girlfriend. So it must be even harder for him to approach the problem…”_

“But no. It is not that. It cannot be that. He said he wants to commit more, so he is not scared of commitment…” Alex tried to persuade Karen.

 

_“I didn’t say anything about that! Don’t put words in my mouth. Of course he wants to commit. Hell knows he’s been committed to you for years. He just does not know how to address the issue because he should relocate… He should move in with you. How could he ask that without sounding… Hm, how did you put it? Clingy and desperate.”_

“Did he say something?”

 

 _“No! He doesn’t have to. I know him well. Gosh, you two children are so helpless!!! When is it that you meet the next time?”_ Karen asked.

 

“We don’t know… I have some projects here, nothing too important, but still, and he is filming in London…” She said with a sad voice.

 

_“Well, don’t do it over the phone or stuff… but you should really talk about it. And Alex, I think you have to do it, because it’s your house, after all… right?”_

 

“Right… never thought of it like that. Thank you, Karen…” Alex said biting her lip and suddenly understanding how right Karen was.

 

 _“So, you’re moving in together????"_ Karen squeaked.

 

“I hope so! Yes. Yes. Yes! We definitely are!” Alex declared with a huge grin on her face.

 

 _“Amazing!!! Can I tweet the news?”_ Karen teased.

 

“Oh, Karen, darling. Just attempt anything along those lines and you will find out why I was chosen to play a psychopath!” Alex smirked and Karen just laughed.

 


	20. The Proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to you my darling sweeties! 
> 
> Happy, happy, happy, happy 10th New-Who anniversary! I don't know about you, but I do feel all the positive energy the tens of thousands of Whovians are irradiating today through all their nice messages and confessions on social media. We have a lot to thank to our two main heroes, Russel T. Davies and (personally my favourite and beloved evil genius) Steven Moffat! One resurrected a legend from its grave and the other found a way to make it survive RTD's and Tennant's departure. I am sure we all have our little memories of how Doctor Who changed our lives, made them better, or gave us the support we needed exactly at the right time! 
> 
> I am really happy this particular chapter synchronized with the anniversary! I love it and I hope you will as well. XoXo

Alex was slowly waking up. She turned around with her eyes still closed and a smile on her lips, ready to hug him. But her eyes opened immediately when she realised that next to her was nothing else but an empty pillow.

 

“Matt…” She whispered. No reply. Alex looked towards the bathroom; the door was closed and there was no sound of running water of any other movement. She groaned in frustration and rolled to the edge of the bed to check her phone which was charging on the night desk:

 

April 22nd, 2014.

 

7.13 a.m.

 

It was so early. Where was he? 

 

Alex got out of bed and tried to drag herself to the kitchen. The smell of pancakes greeted her from the hallway and a big smile appeared on her face. Was her amazing man cooking again?

 

When she entered the kitchen the table was set for what looked like a royal breakfast. But there was only one plate and one set of cutlery. Alex walked towards the table and frowned when she saw a weird, but familiar device next to her plate. It was River’s pager-like gadget (well, if Alex was honest to herself, it was more like a smartphone personalized to look like River’s gadget). She touched the screen and it immediately lit up. There was one message. When Alex opened it she realized it was a recorded video.

 

A very confused Matt (???) was staring at the camera. He was dressed like the Doctor and he was waving around his screwdriver “sonic-ing” the camera.

 

 _Is this working? How is this working??? Right… good. It should be working now. River? Can you hear me? Rivah? Ok… so. Wife, I have a request!_ (He said flapping his hands in the very familiar way 11 used to do.) _Please don’t get mad at me for not being home. Something came up. I know we’re supposed to spend the day together, really, I know! But I am busy… not that I don’t want to spend the day with you, I do, but there is stuff going on and I need to do something and to…_ (Something exploded in the background and the Doctor (???) startled; Alex was still frowning at the video. Was that Matt or the Doctor? She really had no idea.) _Ooops… you see, stuff is going on! Now! I need to run. I’ll catch you later! Oh, I’ll keep in touch. Do everything that I planned! I’ll need you later! Do only as instructed! Are you listening to me, River? Ah… and enjoy the breakfast. My Ood should be there… he’s not my Ood… but the Ood that hangs around in the Tardis. Did you know we had one, honey? I bet you did, I always tend to forget about it but I am sure you kno…_ (Another explosion) _… Ok, River. Gotta run! Do as told! See you soon… if stuff won’t kill me._

    

Alex could not help but smile. What was he doing? Was he playing or something?

 

“Your breakfast is ready…” Said an almost mechanical voice.

 

“AAAAHHH!!!” Alex startled and moved a couple of steps back when an Ood entered the kitchen. He was wearing an apron and looked terribly like a domestic servant. She felt automatically guilty. The Ood pulled the chair and invited her to sit.

 

“Milady…”

 

“Ah… no… don’t do that…”

 

“But this is what the Doctor instructed…”

 

Alex looked at him. The Ood did not move, he was still holding the chair for her and inviting her to sit at the beautifully arranged table. She moved forward very reluctantly and took the seat. What was Matt doing?

 

“Milady, what would you like to have first?”

 

“No… no… Don’t call me that… Call me… ah…” Alex looked at him and then back at the gadget. What should she do? Well, she supposed she could play along for a while. “Call me… River.”

 

The breakfast was a feast! Absolutely delicious. But Alex felt terribly uncomfortable eating with the Ood standing there watching her. She could not help but laugh inside remembering how awkward Amy and Rory seemed to find their meals in Pond Life exactly because of an Ood the Doctor decided they could keep as a maid.

 

What was Matt up to? Was he trying to make her feel better because of the other day?

 

Alex’s been in London since the end of March. Not long after her birthday, she received an unexpected phone call from her publicist. Apparently RADA was working on an innovative program which sought to prepare and train graduating students for the real life struggles of being an actor. A number of alumni, including Alex, were invited to take part in what seemed to be a month long boot camp. Alex was more than thrilled to accept the offer and this not only for the opportunity of participating in what seemed to be an amazing program, but for the opportunity of living with Matt for so long. She took advantage of being in London and went at a couple of auditions. She eventually had to renounce one role because the project’s schedule clashed with her US filming schedule for something else. Moreover, the part was not as interested as the other one for which she auditioned. Without realising, Alex had her heart set on that second role. It was a supporting role in an amazing film production. She was very excited at the prospect of appearing in that production. Unfortunately, the previous day, her publicist told her that the producers settled for a younger actress for the part. Naturally, Alex had been upset and depressed throughout the evening.

 

So, was this Matt’s way of making her feel better? Really? Forcing her into a character she hadn’t been invited to play in the new season? How was that supposed to help? Alex rolled her eyes and continued to stuff chocolate and pancakes into her mouth. However, Alex decided to play along, since she had anyway nothing else to do for the day.

 

“Ood, what else did the Doctor say?” Alex asked the Ood when she finished the breakfast. “And thank you very much for this. It’s been amazing.”

 

“Milady is most welcomed. The Doctor said transport is waiting downstairs.”

 

“Transport?” Alex looked quite confused and stood up to clean the table.

 

“There is no need for Milady to do that. Ood is here to help.”

 

“What did I say about… oh never mind. Thank you very much, Ood. You’re lovely. I should keep you.” She winked at the Ood flirtatiously before leaving the kitchen. Alex could not help but wonder who was behind the mask. She seriously hoped Matt was paying the poor guy some very good money.

 

Alex went back to the bedroom to shower and get dressed. Before entering the shower, she decided to text Matt.

 

_Sweetie, the breakfast was lovely. But what are you up to? Xx_

Half an hour later, when she finished with the shower, there was still no reply. Alex started to dress up. She settled for a pair of tight jeans, a long sleeves black blouse and a furry vest. That looked River-ish enough. An hour after she sent the text, Alex was done with the make-up and she was ready to go and check that mysterious “transport”. There was still no reply to her sms. She rolled her eyes. Well, most probably she could not get in touch with Matt – who was obviously pretending to be the Doctor – so she might as well stop checking her phone constantly.

 

“Ood! I’m out! Have a good day.” She found herself shouting from the door before leaving Matt’s flat.

 

Downstairs a black Mercedes was parked in front of the building. The driver was leaning on the car and playing on his phone. Alex moved reluctantly towards him. When the guy noticed her he put the phone aside in the split of a second.

 

“Doctor Song…” He greeted her with a small bow.

 

“Arh… hello?” Alex replied reluctantly. “Are you waiting for me?” She continued equally unsure of how to proceed.

 

“Yes, m’am. I am supposed to take you to Cardiff and a few other stops along the way.” The driver said smiling and opened the back door for her. Alex thanked him and entered the car without saying anything else.

 

They had a nice ride in the busy London traffic, until the driver pulled in front of a central hotel.

 

“We should wait here for a short while, M’am. Mrs. Williams will join us soon.”

 

“Mrs. Williams? Who is Mrs. Williams?” Alex asked confused. She literally had no idea what was going on. She didn’t even have time to figure it out because exactly in that moment the door opened and a ginger head popped in.

 

“It’s POND!” The ginger woman screeched entering the car.

 

“Ka… Mother!” Alex/River replied very surprised.

 

“Hello daughter. Looking good!” Said Karen/Amy jumping on Alex/River to hug her. The driver mumbled an apology for getting the name wrong and the car started moving soon after Karen/Amy slammed the door.

 

“You taking good care of yourself, yah? You being a good girl making mommy proud?” Karen/Amy continued.

 

“Yes, mother dear!” Alex/River said with a smile hugging Karen/Amy back. “I have missed you…”

 

“Good, maybe you’ll visit more often! So… I know how this works. Where are we, time-wise?”

 

“Argh…” Alex/River looked at Karen/Amy considering her options. “Oh, you know, I just left you a wee blue wedding present last week.”

 

“Last week??? But Pandorica and the whole rebooting adventure was ages agoooo!” Karen/Amy said rolling her eyes.

 

“Well, I can see from your wrinkles, mother dear, that for you it was indeed ages ago! For me it was merely last week.”

 

Karen/Amy smacked her shoulder.  “Melody!!! That’s rude!”   

 

“Sorry mother.” Alex/River said laughing. “So, what about you?”

 

“Well, the Doctor finally showed up last Christmas and we’re back on the road! I mean, traveling with him, every now and then. Having half a life here and half a life there.” Karen/Amy confessed.

 

“Showed up last Christmas? What do you mean?” Alex/River inquired.

 

“Well, you know how you visited us two years ago after you climbed out of the Byzantium and told us he was not dead?”

 

“Spoilers!!!” Alex/River put a finger on her lips.

 

“Right… Spoilers. No Byzantium for you yet! Oh, so it’s because of me that you tell us! I am so smart! I am brilliant! Past me should thank me. So, listen here Melody dear! You be a good girl and don’t forget to pay a visit to your parents after that Byzantium thing happens. Ok? You have to tell us that the Doctor is not dead! Will you remember?”

 

“I will remember.” Alex/River laughed. “Mother, what is the Doctor’s plan? What is going on?”

 

“Well, he is very busy getting something done for Vastra. Remember her? The lesbian lizard woman?”

 

“Yes, Mom… Don’t be rude!”

 

“I am not. So, since he is busy with Vastra on your wedding anniversary, he said that maybe you’d like to spend the day out with your mommy. And then you two will do your things I don’t even want to think about in the evening when he’s done…” Karen/Amy rolled her eyes in fake disgust.

 

“Wedding anniversary? Ah, right… it’s April 22nd. I completely forgot what date was today. Now it makes sense. I was wondering what got into him… But oooww, is it that early for him that he still remembers about wedding anniversaries? How cute is that?!?”

 

“Early for him? How long’s it been for you?” Karen/Amy inquired raising one eyebrow.

 

“Easily 30 years… lost track. Wibbly-Wobbly-Timey-Wimey… stuff.” She laughed.

 

 “Where are my grandchildren then???” Karen/Amy asked with demanding eyes.

 

“Oh, there are none! A mother convicted for murder, living in the most secure prison in the Universe and a father who, these days, seldom remembers to even be married is not something any child should be cursed with. Maybe in another life.” Alex/River laughed.

 

The car stopped once more and the driver opened the door for them. Alex looked around to see that they were parked in front of a very expensive Spa.

 

“Oh, he sent us to the spa! Isn’t the Doctor amazing! Now, I get to do something about those wrinkles you’ve so unsubtly mentioned.” Karen/Amy declared and grabbed Alex/River’s hand. “Come on, spawn! Let’s go get all fancied up!”

 

Alex really didn’t have anything to complain about! All the massages and body wraps were heaven and definitely calmed her down. Oh, sweet, sweet, darling Matt! Bless him. Always so thoughtful and careful with her feelings and moods. What did she ever do to deserve that wonderful man? Not only did Matt give her a relaxing day, but he decided to send the so lively Karen – who was in the UK for break – to cheer her up. He was indeed perfect. Karen made Alex feel amazing and even if they never forgot to play their characters, the two women still had loads and loads to talk about. Alex could not help but think that for the real Amy and the real River – if they were to be really real – such a mother-daughter day would have been an absolute bliss. Poor Amy, missing next to everything in her daughter’s life. Alex could not even imagine the dread. Alex herself always felt guilty when she forced by circumstances to be away from Salome. She always felt like missing all the important details of her baby’s day to day life. In the life of a child, of a teenager, everything is always so important!

 

Alex smiled and picked the phone. It was towards 3.p.m. in London, thus Salome was having breakfast and getting ready for school. Alex snapped a picture of her newly done nails. They looked gorgeous: long and round, with an amazing shade of dark green. Alex sent the picture to Salome on what’s app.

 

_What do you think about my manicure, baby? Xx_

Alex received a reply within seconds.

 

_Why are you doing your manicure????????????????????_

Alex frowned at the message and the many question marks.

 

_Am I not allowed to? Matt planned this fun day for me. He’s playing the Doctor and I am River and we are supposed to have a sort of wedding anniversary, except that Matt is busy and I am hanging out with Karen having an Amy-River moment instead. We spent the day at the Spa getting massages, body wraps, manicure, and currently pedicure. Jelly baby? Xx_

_OMG! MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_What is going on Sals? Why are you abusing the exclamation marks? Is everything ok?_

There was no reply for almost five minutes and Alex was becoming restless in her pedicure seat. She was right about to call her daughter when a new message appeared. There were 4 paparazzi pictures of Matt. Alex opened them and looked at them. She frowned and analysed them some more. She could tell that something was odd about those pictures, but she could not put her finger on it. Luckily, Salome was there to explain.

 

_The pictures are from Tumblr. From yesterday morning!!!!!!!!! Apparently, Matt was spotted at Tiffany’s!!! The fancy one… how do you call it? I don’t know London, but you should know it! Look at the pictures… the one with the flags! Matt spent there a couple of hours and left the shop with one of their turquoise fancy bags!!!!!! Seeeee?????? In the last two pictures. They are from when he is leaving! There is the bag…_

_I’m lost Salome. Have no idea what you’re talking about but you sound exactly like a creepy stalker! What did I tell you about that Tumblr? Ha?_

_Yes, yes. I vaguely remember not paying attention to whatever you told me about that Tumblr. MOOOOM! FOCUS NOW! Matt is going to propose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Alex frowned at the phone and immediately felt sick to her stomach. She texted back to Salome with her hands trembling a little.

_Don’t be silly, Salome! What is with these conspiracy theories? Don’t be late for school. Hurry out now. I’ll talk to you later._

_TELL ME IF HE PROPOSES!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS MAJOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Xx_

Alex checked one more time the pictures with Matt arriving and leaving Tiffany’s. Then she looked at her newly done manicure again. She knew that she was supposed to go to a hair salon next and then to a dressmaking boutique to pick a dress… No, no… Salome could not be right… Well, her conspiracy completely made sense but… no…

 

“Karen!!!” Alex exclaimed looking at the young woman getting a pedicure on the chair next to her. Karen had her eyes closed. Nothing. She did not react in any way when Alex called her.

 

“Karen!!! Is Matt going to propose???” Alex looked intensively at her but Karen did not seem to even notice.

 

“MOM!” Alex said annoyed.

 

“What now??? I was having a moment of bliss.”

 

“Mom… can you pretend not to be Amy for a while. I really need my friend back.” Alex begged.

 

“Whatever you mean??? I am your friend! Now you hurt my feelings, Melody.” Karen/Amy replied on a snappy tone.

 

“Kareeeeen! I beg of you!” Alex looked at her with mortified eyes.

 

“River, are you ok? Who’s Karen?”

 

“Please… please Karen. Is Matt going to propose??? I am freaking out here!” Alex admitted.

 

“I have no idea what you are talking about. You seem quite bananas. Who’s Matt? And you are married already.” Karen/Amy said dismissively waving around one hand.

 

“Ok, ok… I will play. If this is what you want. Look, mom, there is something I have to tell you.”

 

“You are acting so weirdly. What happened, sweetie?” Karen/Amy asked with worried eyes.

 

“You know how I and the Doctor are not… together-together? I mean we are married and everything but we do not live together. Not even in the same time period, let alone the same place… So I met this other guy, Matthew and… we’re like… together-together.” Alex/River began.

 

“WHAT?” Karen/Amy looked at her with accusing eyes.

 

“Well, you know… Wibbly-Wobbly-Timey-Wimey and stuff… Just listen to me! And this Matt is going to propose… most likely… very soon! What should I do?” Alex/River asked desperately.

 

“Doesn’t he know that you are married already?”

 

“Yes, married in an aborted time line, in a world that never was!!!” Alex/River tried to defend herself.

 

“River, you cannot possibly say that.” Karen/Amy scolded her.

 

“MOM! Shut up. Can you please forget about the Doctor and focus on Matt?”

 

“Ok, let’s say I forget about the Doctor, your actual husband, although I am not happy about your behaviour, young lady!”

 

“Ok, mom, fine. Whatever you say. You can disagree with me in silence while listening to what I have to say about Matt. So there is Matt and I love him… and I don’t know what to do if he proposes! I am afraid! I am afraid that I will lose everything! I cannot lose Matt! I really cannot! You know, we were thinking about living together… oh, what the hell. We were not even talking about moving together yet, because none of us had the guts to do it… But I suppose he wanted to take a shortcut and now here I am, getting a manicure, and a pedicure and him creating this fantastic day just for me and there are pictures with him buying something from Tiffany’s and… he might propose!!! What should I do!?!?!?!?” Asked Alex/River completely losing track of her thoughts and the way in which she was formulating her sentences.

 

“Pull yourself together first, maybe? I am not saying that you are right in assuming that this Matt might propose soon, but you might be right, and if you are right what are you going to do about it? I do or I don’t?”

 

“I don’t know! I never thought about marriage… I mean, not now. Not yet. I am scared of marriage because one could say… my previous one…”

 

“Ahem?????” Karen/Amy tried to correct her.

 

“Ok, whatever, my current one… is not going that well. You know mother, I blame it on the age gap… among other things like Dalkes, and Cybermen, and time travel… But let’s focus on the age gap, yes? Because he is so much older than me. I am just a naïve girl, even if I am nearing my 100th anniversary, it’s still young in comparison to him… and Matt, well… Matt is so young compared to me. He swears that he loves me, and I know he does, and I also do… I do, so much… but… oh… marriage??? Marriage is such a dangerous thing. I am afraid of marriage… I am not sure what to do… I suppose that a refusal would break his heart… but if I say yes… that might break us! And I cannot risk that!” Alex/River was almost starting crying.

 

“Ok, ok. Take it easy. So you worry about the age difference yes?”

 

Alex/River nodded. “Yes, I worry about the age difference on every single moment when I think with my head and not with my heart.”

 

“That’s rubbish. Your father is two millennia older than me, and we couldn’t be happier! Really. True love does not care about age difference… Please, put this in your head once and for all! I got bored of telling you that you should not be bothered by the age gap. As for Matt, well… Your father told me that you are perfectly aware that the Doctor will not remember you at some point… you are aware that sooner or later you are going to lose him because you are traveling in different directions. I love the Doctor, but I am your mother and I worry about you and your future welfare. So, I believe it is good for you to have someone else… give yourself the chance. Don’t travel alone, River.” Karen/Amy grabbed Alex/River’s hand and squeezed it a bit. “If someone wants to take care of you and hold your hand in the best and worst times of your life… then you should accept the offer. Don’t let the ghosts of past relationships and how they worked or didn’t work out cloud your future. Don’t apply the same measurements on different relationships.”

 

“Oh, Mother… you are a dream…” Alex/River said kissing Karen/Amy’s hand, but her eyes still looked sad. “There is something else…” Alex/River had to confess.

 

“What else?”

 

“It is silly… but it matters to me. You see, Matthew does not know me as River Song. He calls me Alex… and Alex is different. Of course, she holds bits of River in her heart, but the person Matt loves is nonetheless a different person... that person is not me, mother! As things look at this very moment, it appears that Matt will propose to me while I am playing a role… and I don’t want that… I don’t want him to propose to a fictional character!” Alex admitted. Of course, in the way she twisted the story in order to fit the Amy-River reality, the roles were reversed: River was real and Alex was a fictional character. Nonetheless, Alex knew Karen was smart enough to know exactly that what she was saying was very simple: Alex did not want her marriage proposal to be the Doctor proposing to River Song.

 

“Well… then tell him what you think. He will understand for sure. There is no need to worry about this sort of details…” Karen/Amy smiled.

 

“Ok… you are right.”

 

“Look, sweetie. Do not ruin your day tormenting your little brain with what ifs. Wait to see if Matt is indeed going to propose and you will reply to him exactly the way you feel like replying in that very moment. Don’t lie. If you feel like saying ‘no’, just do it. Tell him you need more time. If you feel like saying ‘yes’, by all means do! And this time do announce your parents about the wedding with more than 30 seconds in advance. Ok?” Karen/Amy laughed.

 

“You are absolutely priceless… Thank you so much, mother.” Alex/River smiled.

 

Several hours later, Alex was back in the black Mercedes and on her way to Cardiff. She was wearing the sexy green dress the Doctor gave River on their first night. Her hair was amazingly done in a fancy Victorian fashion – a visit at a posh hair salon being the last mother-daughter moment the Doctor/Matt planned.

 

Alex was enjoying a glass of champagne, listening to classical music and trying to relax during the journey. The River-like gadget beeped. Alex looked at it and saw she had a new message. She took the device into one hand and pressed play. There was the Doctor at the console of his Tardis. He looked very proud of himself.

 

_Just saved the day! Again! I have a huge surprise for you… you’ll never expect it! I hope you’ll love it. Ah. And Vastra says hi. I will send you my space-and-time coordinates and I will see you in the console room._

Alex smiled. In that very moment she made up her mind: In case he proposed, she would definitely say yes. Yes, yes, one hundred times yes.

 

When the car arrived in Cardiff, Alex received a new message. This time it was a virtual map. A shinning red point indicated the Doctor’s location. Alex followed the path to the red light wandering the streets of Cardiff and the corridors of BBC for more than 30 minutes. She entered the hall where the set for the Tardis console room was.

 

“Hello sweetie!” She said with a smirk, climbing the familiar stairs of the old Tardis desktop. Oh, Alex remembered how much Matt adored the swing from the lower level.

 

A smiling Doctor, dressed with a black tuxedo appeared from behind the console.

 

“Oh, my River… you look fabulous.”

 

“I hate this dress, but you seem to have a fetish on it.” She purred moving towards him. “Oh… what is this?” She exclaimed when she saw a small round table set next to the console.

 

“Dinner… for us. Celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary.” Matt/the Doctor declared spreading his arms for her.

 

“Oh, that’s what you think… we’re celebrating the 30th-something wedding anniversary, sweetie.” Alex/River said placing her lips on his.

 

“Oh, knowing that you will still be around for so long is the most brilliant spoiler, Doctor Song.” He wrapped his around her responding to her kisses.

 

The dinner was filled with flirting, role-playing and laughter. It was so easy to be around him, no matter the context, and for the first time in the entire day, Alex was completely lost in her character, desperately loving her Doctor, his clumsiness and his brilliant dinner in the Tardis – fish fingers and custard obviously featuring in the menu.

 

When they finished eating, the Doctor helped her stand up. He leaned on the console and pulled her into an embrace.

 

“I love to see you in my Tardis… and she loves to you have you back as well. Are you still sure you do not want to travel with me all the time?” He asked with a sad smile.

 

“I would love to, sweetie… But you know that this would change the future.” She replied equally sad.

 

“I know. And this is exactly why I keep on asking you to travel with me full time. I want to change the future. It’s called marriage.” Matt/the Doctor said with a smirk.

 

“You know what happened last time we tried to change a fixed point… I am afraid I learnt a couple of things from that lesson, sweetie…”

 

He smiled and immediately changed the topic.

 

“We should talk about something else… something beautiful and magical. Remember how I said I had a surprise for you? Well… wait a second…” Matt/the Doctor moved away very quickly. He ran down the stairs, picked something and then ran back up. His eyes were shining and he had his hands hidden behind his back.

 

“Ready???” He asked with his face almost exploding from all the smiling.

 

Alex’s heart started racing. She leaned on the console to hide the fact that she was trembling in emotion. The whole building-up-to-the-proposal game was kind of clumsy, Alex thought, but… well, that was her Matt and she loved him for his childishness and clumsiness… He was getting near her with small steps. He bent and placed a quick kiss on her lips. Alex smiled. Matt removed his hands from his back and brought them in front of her: a jewelry box.

 

Matt opened it with an absolutely beaming smile revealing a magnificent pearl necklace with matching pearl-chandelier earrings. 

 

“Happy anniversary, my love!”

 

Alex froze and she did not really know how to react.

 

“What’s wrong, River? You don’t like it?” Matt/the Doctor asked becoming a bit worried.

 

“Oh, this is what you were buying from Tiffany’s.” She started laughing completely going out of character. Matt looked at her as she continued laughing.

 

“Ah, did I miss something?” He asked confused.

 

“No… no… it’s amazing. I love it, Matt. No worries. It’s silly.”

 

“But I want to know.” Matt said dropping his acting as well.

 

“But it’s silly…” She tried to reassure him.

 

“But you have to tell me, Alex!” Matt insisted.

 

“Ok, fine. Salome sent me some pictures with you at Tiffany’s… from Tumblr and she came with this theory that you organized this day in order to propose to me…” Alex admitted, turning a bit red.

 

Matt’s face went very still.

 

“You expected me to propose?”

 

“No… not expected… but… well, I was preparing myself for the eventuality… told you it was silly. Oh, Matt. Thank you… the necklace is adorable. I really love it.” She said trying to hug him, but Matt took a step back.

 

“You wanted me to propose?”

 

“Matt, I told you it was a misunderstanding… come on… forget about it…”

 

“But you considered your options…” Matt insisted.

 

“Well… yes.” Alex admitted feeling more and more awkward with the conversation.

 

“Would you have accepted???” Matt asked with big eyes.

 

“Well, I suppose… I really don’t know. In all honesty I panicked a little.”

 

“But a ‘yes’ was in the menu…” Matt insisted.

 

“Well, of course it was in the menu, Matt...”

 

“Oh, heaven, then I will…”

 

“NO, no, no, no! Don’t propose now!!!” She said in a rush trying to stop him from doing something silly.

 

“Of course not. I do not have a ring, and it would be silly to propose now… I am dressed like the Doctor… I mean, I know I like to be him and sometimes I even think I am him… and I do adore River… but she’s not the woman I love… I wouldn’t propose while cosplaying…” Matt said frowning a little.

 

Alex felt like her heart could explode. Of course, he would never do that. What was she thinking? Her Matt would definitely plan something more “them” for a proposal. Thus the whole day indeed was meant to be just a way of making her feel better, regain confidence and not feel sad about a stupid audition. Oh, she adored him!

 

“No, no…” Matt continued. “I would definitely not propose now, and you are not completely ready. But it’s good to know that a ‘yes’ is definitely in the menu… you know, for future reference.”

 

Alex jumped in his arms and started kissing him desperately. Matt pulled her even closer responding equally passionately to her kisses. He raised her on the console.

 

“Oh, Matt… sorry. I completely went out of character.” She kissed him once more then she tried to focus on her acting. “Hello, sweetie…” Alex/River said with a smirk.

 

“No, no…” He stopped her. “I don’t want River, send her away! Now. I want you!”

 

“But you wanted to have sex with River on the console… I cannot take the opportunity away from you.”

 

“Oh, Alex. I am sure the Doctor and River had their fun times in the console room! But tell me when will I, Matt Smith, the guy who is no longer playing the Doctor, have the opportunity of doing with my former co-star, Alex Kingston, all those kinky things I dreamt of every time I saw her near the console?”

 

Alex just laughed. “You’re lying.”

 

“Oh, I am not!!! I’ve always dreamt to catch you hanging around here at some late hours and to force myself on you… but it never happened…” Matt confessed.

 

“Does Moffat know you’re gonna shag me on his set?” Alex asked still laughing.

 

“Yes, he knows we are having a date here. I booked the place, and the Ood. I have his blessings to use the set, it’s not even functional anymore. They changed the desktop and everything. Moff also assured me there are no cameras around and that he won’t take a sneaky sex-tape of us.” Matt laughed.

 

“Rule #1??????” Alex asked with a frown.

 

“Well, if Rule #1 applies… then that sex tape would be my absolute favourite film ever made in the history of cinema!”

 

“CINEMA??? Are you mad???” Alex laughed and continued kissing him. She knew Matt was joking about the film, she knew Steven would never do anything like that, thus she was completely not bothered by the thought of that joke. Oh, she’s had her share of kinky thoughts with the console… as well… so yes, she could understand Matt.

 

“May I help you out of this tight dress… it does not look very comfortable, although the Doctor loves it.” Matt smiled and without waiting for her consent he turned her around, with her back to him, and tried to make her lean over the console.

 

“No, no… wait!” Alex pushed him a bit and turned around rearranging her dress and hair.

 

“Matt… there is something else I really need to tell you before we lose our minds…” Alex looked at him and bit his lip. Matt frowned, but said nothing allowing her to continue her thoughts.

 

“You didn’t propose tonight… which is good… because I want to propose…”

 

“WHAT?” Matt looked at her and almost shouted the word out.

 

“No… no… wait. Let me say it again. It’s good you did not propose tonight because I am not really ready for that… but I am ready for something else, and I hope you are as well, because I love you so much and it’s so hard not to have you with me all the time. So, here is my proposal…” Alex looked at him and cleared her voice. “Matt… would you like to move in with me?”

 

Matt started blinking excessively, unable to reply.

 

“I know it’s a lot to ask, because you will need to move to LA, there is no doubt about it, at least for now… but we can find something… in time…”

 

Still nothing.

 

“Of course… only if you want… to… I won’t be mad if you say no… it is… ok… really… just say something please!” Alex begged.

 

In less than a second she was squeezed between him and the console. His kisses and the way in which his hands were roaming around her body were more sensual and passionate – if possible – than ever before. Oh, Alex could definitely feel the answer to her question in his fancy tuxedo trousers. She left out a long moan.

 

“Yes, yes, yes… yes… yes… yes!” Matt declared continuingly between mind-blowing kisses on her neck, lips and shoulders.

 

“Yes? Yes… what?” Alex barely managed to ask since her mind was no longer functional.

 

“Yes, Alex… I will move in with you and there is nothing I wished more in the past one month and a half… and there is nothing I wouldn’t leave in a heartbeat for you and for us! Never doubt it…”

 

“I never am!” She replied with tears of joy falling down her cheeks. 

 


	21. You put the Devil in me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Title taken from the song ‘My Angel Put the Devil in Me’ from DW Season 3 Episode 4, Daleks in Manhattan.)

It was the beginning of May and the sun was shining in L.A. Alex was in her bedroom with her windows opened wide. She was listening to classical waltzes dancing around the room all by herself. She was happy, incredibly happy, terribly happy! Happier than she’s been in ages!

 

She was sorting clothes for charity. It was spring cleaning time!!! Spring cleaning time was always so exiting. It made her feel new, reborn. And even more so this year, when by spring cleaning time she meant making space in her house for Matt’s possessions. Matt was still filming something in the UK, but he was due to finish his filming shares around May 15th, and he promised to catch the very first plane to L.A. after that. Alex could not stop smiling. She could not stop dancing. She could not stop singing. Oh, wasn't love the most beautiful thing in life? And wasn't him the most incredible man around? 

 

In the past week since she returned from London following the end of the RADA “boot camp”, as she called it, Alex received three big deliveries from the U.K.; three big deliveries each containing 2-3 large boxes with Matt’s stuff. Her house was indeed quite messy and Alex struggled to reorganize everything. But she really did not mind at all!  

 

She was so full of energy and excited. She could think of nothing else but the beginning of her new life. Her new little perfect family! 

 

Alex was startled from her daydream by a violent banging on the door.

 

She rolled her eyes and left out a groan of exasperation. What was wrong with that teenager again? Banging her fists in the door like there was no tomorrow? Alex stood up and tried to drag herself downstairs to open the door while she still had a door to open.

 

“Salome! How many times did I tell you not to ban… Ralph???” Alex stopped and stared at him in surprise. “What are you doing here?” She asked confused.

 

Ralph looked at her with small eyes and clenched teeth. Oh, she knew that face way too well. He was angry. He was very angry. Ralph entered the house without being invited and slammed the door behind him taking a couple more steps into the entrance hallway.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” He shouted at her.

 

“What?” Alex asked confused.

 

“You asked Smith to move in??? What the hell did you do, Alexandra???”

 

“What?” Alex repeated even more confused.

 

“What were you thinking??? Are you out of your mind, woman?” He shouted again startling her. 

 

“Arh… agh…” Alex shook her head becoming utterly shocked. She really could not formulate proper words. Where was this coming from? What was he doing there? What did he want? In what she was concerned the only interaction she’s had with Ralph ever since he dropped her at the airport in Salzburg – in the beginning of February – was a drunken phone conversation in the evening before her birthday. And she did not even initiate that one. What was he going on about?

 

“TELL ME!!!” Ralph demanded shouting, which made Alex tremble in fear and take a few steps back. “What the hell were you thinking, Alexandra?!?”

 

Alex needed a couple of seconds to shake away that so well-known feeling of self-defense that used to take control over her every time Ralph was losing his temper becoming aggressive. She had to tell to herself that she had no reason to feel like that anymore. Alex left out a deep breath. She raised a hand and put it in front of him, non-verbally telling him to stop.

 

“What the hell, Ralph? What is this all about? Are you out of your right mind? You cannot storm in people’s houses, making a scandal and asking them why they go on with their lives in the way in which they find fit to go on with their lives. What the hell? HOW DARE YOU SHOUT AT ME IN MY OWN HOUSE!!!” 

 

“But how could you?” Ralph said slightly calmer. 

 

“How could I what? Ask my boyfriend to finally move in after being in a relationship for half a year?” She asked rhetorically on a very harsh tone.

 

“But… what about _us_?”

 

“What?” Alex shook her head unsure if she actually heard him well.

 

“I asked what about _us_?” Ralph repeated his question. 

 

“What ‘us’, Ralph?” Alex asked frowning at him.

 

“Us!!! You and me!” Ralph gesticulated with a hand between them.

 

“But…” Alex opened her mouth to reply, but she could not believe her ears and her eyes. What was this crazy man talking about? What did he actually do there? Having a fight in the middle of her entrance hallway?

 

“Us…” Ralph replied with his voice slowly breaking.

 

“But… there is no ‘us’, Ralph. I am really shocked and unable to react adequately because I have no freaking idea what the fuck are you talking about????”

 

“What do you mean there is no ‘us’. Of course there is an ‘us’. I told you that I want us to start over. I am letting you have this affair with Smith. Fair enough… have your middle age crisis! It’s only natural. But don’t overdo it! You cannot invite him to move in with you! Are you crazy? What next? I find out he pulled out a ring and you said yes?” Ralph asked on a calmer but determined tone.

 

Alex’s jaw dropped. She frowned. She opened her mouth to say something. Then closed it again. Frowned again. Opened her mouth to say something else. Then she shook her head, put a hand on her forehead and face-palmed herself. She could not help it. She just burst into hysterical laughter.

 

“What?” She asked utterly perplexed. “Ralph, did you take something? Are you on drugs? Can you even hear yourself? Are you for real?”

 

“Alexandra!” Ralph said sassily. “A conversation cannot move forward if all parties ask questions constantly!”

 

“Right…” Alex said wrinkling her nose and crossing her arms at her chest. “Well, since we cannot both be asking the questions, then let me give you some answers. One: you are definitely having some issues and if everything you’ve done to me was not enough to give me a confirmation of this fact, well… this ridiculous little episode was the last drop. You’re bananas! Two: there is no ‘us’. I have no idea where you got this idea from, because as far as I can remember, I made it pretty clear in Germany that if you were still going to try anything to fuck up my mind and to sabotage my relationship with Matt, I would nicely invite you to go fuck yourself. I made it pretty clear that I am not playing any game with you! So don't blame it on me if you thought otherwise! There will never ever again be an 'us', you idiot! I am not stupid, nor suicidal! Not because of you; not anymore!!! Three: you don’t get to call my relationship an ‘affair’, ok? I have a relationship, you fucking bastard, have affairs!!! Learn the difference! Four: You should have remembered that I don’t need any sort of relation with you. You do. You want me, I don’t want you, Ralph. I wanted an apology. I got it. I accepted us to remain on speaking terms because you asked me to! I can happily live the rest of my life ignoring you. I promised to block your number, if you do something terribly stupid! And your cheap show in my own house is incredibly stupid! So here we go: (Alex pulled her phone out of her pocket and immediately blocked his number.) Done. Now… where were we? Four… no, five. Five: There’s a door behind you. You know how to use it. Get out.”

 

Ralph looked at her mesmerized. Hell, when did that woman grow so strong? 

 

“But I love you!” He said in a heartbeat.

 

Alex frowned. “Oh, you love me… so cute. Tough luck. Get out of my house, Ralph.”

 

“But you don’t understand, Alexandra!” Ralph took a step towards her.

 

“Wow, wow, wow! Don’t get anywhere near me.” Alex stopped him by placing a hand on his chest and keeping him an arm length away.

 

Ralph put a hand on top of hers and looked into her eyes.

 

“Alexandra… I love you… always had… I just forgot it for a while… but… I love you. I love you and I need you. Please…” He begged with shining eyes.

 

Alex swallowed. She closed the distance between them and placed a quick kiss on his cheek. She looked into his eyes and smiled. Ralph smiled as well looking at her, his heart skipping a beat and his hopes went suddenly up.

 

“Don’t you have a terrible feeling of déjà vu?” Alex whispered with small and evil eyes. “Except that it is not as fun to be the one told by the person you think you love that your feelings are utterly irrelevant. That you are pathetic. That you don’t matter at all… because there is someone else. Someone, really important. That you are tossed like garbage once and for all.” Alex took her hand away from him and pointed to the door. “Good riddance. Off you pop. Out of my house.”

 

Ralph’s eyes became equally evil in less than a second. He felt humiliated and started trembling with anger.

 

“So this is what it’s all been about??? You teaching me a lesson? You showing be that being the second best is not fun?”

 

“No, not at all. I didn’t plan anything, because I really do not make any sort of plans that include you in any way. It was just a funny and ironic twist of fate. And I took advantage of it because it was screaming in my face that you should know how having your heart crushed feels like! I don't play games with you, Ralph!!! Don't you understand???”

 

“This is not over! I want you. I love you. And I will have you! You’re mine, Alexandra Elisabeth Kingston. MINE! Never forget this!” Ralph threatened pointing a finger at her.

 

Alex slapped him very hard over the face; twice; once on each cheek. Ralph startled and looked into her eyes before moving his hand to his cheeks. 

 

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! And never come back! Get out before I call the police and get a restraining order.”

 

Ralph turned around and opened the door storming in the pathway. He was half turned towards the door while walking away with big steps. Alex moved towards the door to close it. But she did not. She stopped instead all of a sudden and her eyes became wide.

 

“AH!” Ralph turned his face away from the door because of bumping into something. His eyes became wide when realizing that “something” was indeed “someone”.

 

Ralph cleared his voice. He turned his head around again and looked at Alex. She was still standing in the door-frame with one hand covering her mouth, and her eyes shocked in disbelief. Ralph turned his head again to look at the very confused teenager who was staring at him.

 

“Where are my manners?” Ralph said calming down in an instant and smiling genuinely. “Ralph Fiennes….” He said offering his hand for a greeting.

 

“Ah… Salome… Salome Haertel.”

 

“Very nice to meet you, Salome. You are more beautiful than I could have ever thought… just like your mother.” Ralph smiled and turned around to look at Alex.

 

She was still there, unable to move. Her eyes looked mortified and Ralph realized that she was utterly terrified by the thought that he could do something to hurt her daughter. Ralph rolled his eyes. How silly could she be? He was an arrogant crazy asshole, but he did mean it when he said he loved her. At least in his head, he did mean it. He would never do anything to hurt her or to her daughter. Seeing Alex so terrified hurt him more than any of the words she’s shouted at him in the past 15 minutes.

 

“Oh, Alexandra…” Ralph said looking for a second at Salome and then looking at her again. “She should have been ours…”

 

Alex gasped and closed her eyes painfully feeling as if she could not breathe. Touché. 

 

“I am sorry for earlier. I don’t know what I was thinking. Have a wonderful life, Alexandra. You deserve it. Good bye." He then turned towards the confused teenager and tried to smile. "Salome… meeting you was eye-opening.” Ralph said softly and walked past her.

 

Salome looked confused at her mother, then she turned around to look at the man who was just leaving. Then she looked back at her mother with big eyes. She turned her head to see how far away Ralph got. Then she looked back at Alex. It was obvious that she was trying hard to take a decision. Everything happened really fast. Salome showed to her mother with the fingers that whatever she was about to do would take “only a little”, and then she pulled a please don’t hate me grin.

 

“Mr. Fiennes!!!” Salome shouted and Ralph turned around confused.

 

“Ah… yes?”

 

“Can I ask you something???” Salome said pulling a fake grin face.

 

“Ah… sure… but call me Ralph. Please…” Ralph said moving slowly back towards her.

 

“You see… I have this best friend. Anita? She is Spanish. She just moved from Spain in the beginning of the semester. She’s the new... weird girl… and some people are quite mean to her and they bully her because her hair is short and she is quite tall for our age… and because she is different... and geeky... and she just does not really know how to survive in L.A. yet… you know…”

 

“Oh, poor Anita… sounds awful…” Ralph said very understandingly.

 

“Yes, I know. It's very tough for her.. I try my best to be a good friend…” Salome continued.

 

“I am sure Anita appreciates greatly everything you do for her.” Ralph said with a smile.

 

“I hope so… You see, Anita is a Death Eater… well, she is not… she just pretends to be. She always draws a Dark Mark tattoo on her left hand. She is so funny… she is so in love with you… well… not with you-you, but with Voldemort-you…”

 

Ralph just laughed, he could not help it.

 

“Oh… I am sure… she’d make a fine Death Eater.” He said still laughing.

 

“Yeah, well… not really, she is too shy and… alternative. I honestly think Bellatrix would eat her up alive, poor Anita.” Salome laughed. “But I am sure she’d be terribly happy if you could give her an autograph. Can you write something for her on a small piece of paper and I will pass her the note tomorrow?”

 

“Ah…” Ralph looked at Alex non-verbally asking her for permission. Alex's eyes were shining and Ralph knew she was fighting hard the tears. He tried not to look too happy as he realized what was going on with her. Ralph knew very well that him mentioning the fact that her child could have been their child rocked Alex’s boat around. Spot on! Oh, so spot on. But he pretended to look completely oblivious while asking for her permission to help Salome with her friend's autograph. Alex just nodded, unable to say anything. Ralph also nodded as a thank you.

 

“So… where is the paper?” Ralph asked turning his attention back to Salome.

 

“YEY!” Salome started clapping and very quickly put down her backpack taking a notebook out of it. She ripped out a blank page and handed it to Ralph alongside a colorful pen.

 

“Thank you.” Ralph said taking the pen and paper. He lowered himself down and placed the paper on one knee.

 

“Here. Have the notebook as support.” Salome offered.

 

“Oh, thank you so much…” Ralph said with a wide smile.

 

Alex felt like the seconds failed to pass. Her heart was breaking into million pieces seeing how that man - the man who she dreamt for such a long period of time to be the father of her children - was now interacting with her baby. She could feel her head spinning, her whole world spinning. She felt like throwing up. And she honestly thought she just might...

 

Ralph started writing the message for Salome’s friend, but he noticed with the corner of his eye that the teenager was taking pictures of him. He smiled and Salome noticed that.

 

“Argh… I hope you don’t mind… I just wanted to have proof that I didn’t write the note myself.” Salome excused herself.

 

Ralph laughed. “If you want, you can take a video and I will blow a kiss to Anita.”

 

“OMG! She’ll die!!! YESSS… please, please!” Salome said very excited.

 

Alex rolled her eyes. She could not believe it! When were those two going to end her agony? Well, in all fairness, the whole episode with Salome asking for an autograph didn’t last longer than a couple of minutes, but for Alex it was an eternity and a half!

 

She stood there saying and doing nothing while Salome took a several seconds video of Ralph who was sending his regards to Anita. Alex rolled her eyes. Yap, she suddenly disliked Anita! Alex hoped Salome would not bring her over anytime soon, because she could already see herself putting some extra-lemon - maybe even some hot chilly - in the tea of that short haired and tall Spanish girl! Grrrrrrr! 

 

Alex heard Ralph saying his good bye once more and Salome thanking him again. Then, as if in a dream, Alex vaguely noticed his car (finally) leaving.

 

“Mom…” Salome asked moving towards the door. She looking sad and scared. “Are you terribly mad at me?” She asked biting her lips. 

 

“No… no sweetheart. Come in… how was school?” Alex asked with a half-fake smile putting an arm around Salome’s shoulders.

 

“What was he doing here? Did he do something to you? You looked angry when he left?” Salome asked ignoring her question. Alex invited Salome in and closed the door behind them before placing a kiss on her daughter’s forehead.

 

“No, baby. He did nothing. We had a light...ish argument… adult stuff. He is not particularly happy to see me with Matt. Ralph entertains this stupid idea that he suddenly loves me again.” Alex admitted and started moving towards the kitchen to set the table for Salome’s lunch.

 

“Does he?” The teenager asked following her mother.

 

“Of course not. You know, baby, feelings are weird. We basically create most of the feelings we have. If you think too much about something, it becomes reality. If you tell yourself that you are worthless and stupid and so on, like Anita does… it slowly becomes true, because those words get filled with meaning. You slowly get to believe your own stunt. Same thing happened to Ralph. You know what happened at the Britannia, mommy told you about it... So, what Ralph did was to think a lot about me and about our history. He is genuinely sorry for what he did and he believes that by digging up long lost feelings, everything will be forgotten. Which obviously is not the case. Regret often makes people do silly things… Ralph's way of repenting is overly exaggerated as everything Ralph usually does. It’s just who he’s ever been. His limits in everything are far beyond normal. But we won’t be hearing from that man anytime soon. So don’t put too much thought in it, ok, sweetheart?” Alex smiled.

 

“But why?”

 

“Because I decided it’s not worth having him in my life at all. He only brings about bad energy, and I do not need that. Especially now when all I want from life is living happily ever after with Matt and you. I have it all now...” Alex said smiling.

 

“Is Matty jealous?” Salome asked curiously.

 

“No. Not at all. Matt knows better than to be jealous. He knows I love him and only him and no one else. He knows that the only reason for which I talked to Ralph was because I wanted him to apologize… maybe I've been too naive in my whole approach towards Ralph. I just really wanted to believe people can change, but truth is, they seldom do. So be very careful when you offer second chances, my love. They can simply turn against you if you don't pay extra attention. But thanks heaven, I matured a bit in these past 15 years and now I know better when too someone's second chance short. We're done with Ralph. That was that - experiment over, before everything blows up in my face... And sweetie... next time you feel like jumping on one of my ex-husbands asking for an autograph for someone you love, make that ex-husband be your father, make that someone-you-love be me, and make that piece of paper be a blank cheque, deal?” Alex said with a smile. 

 

“Mom, you are so amazing!” Salome hugged her laughing and started kissing her. “You are the best! You simply are the best. You teach me so many things about life and you are always honest with me. You are my friend… You truly are my best friend! You know, most of my friends are not friends with their parents. Especially poor Anita. Her mom really does not understand her at all... and that's why Anita is so sad all the time and so insecure...”

 

“Of course I am your friend, sweetheart... You mean the world to me and there is nothing I wouldn't do for you! I would never lie to you, especially with something as important as feelings. I know you will soon start having lots of them for quite a few boys and I would not want you to draw conclusions about love and relationships from a bunch of lies your mother told you because she was too coward to admit the truth about her own experiences. I would never want that, baby. I am honest with you because I expect you to always be honest with me as well. I would never be able to help you if you don’t tell me exactly what problems you have and how you feel about them. And I would never want to be that kind of mom who is unable to help her child. As for Anita… she is extremely lucky to have you. Just take care of her, ok? She needs you as her friend. Come on, let’s eat!” Alex said caressing her daughter’s curls.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ralph arrived at home with a huge grin on his face. He threw his car keys on the living room table and pulled his phone out of his pocket dialing Dianne’s number.

 

 _“So, did you embarrass yourself enough?”_ She greeted him with an evil chuckle.

 

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I did embarrass myself a lot. Yes, she laughed to my face and kicked me out of her house. Yes, you were completely right, I shouldn’t have gone there while angry and full of negative thoughts. I should have let the news settle a bit in my stupid retarded head, blah, blah, blah. Everything you said! You are right and you always have been right and always will be right. Are you beaming now? Are you happy with yourself? Can you go on with all the ‘I told you so’-s and can we move on after that?” Ralph asked sarcastically.

 

 _“Ok, so if everything went so badly, why are you in such a good mood? Even happy, I would say. Did I miss something?”_ Dianne inquired.

 

“Because I met Alex’s daughter, Salome.” Ralph said with a proud attitude. “She is adorable. I utterly melted. Wish I could get to know her better, but I cannot. Because Alex decided we should go back to ignoring each other. She even threatened me with a restraining order.”

 

 _“Again… why are you so happy if everything you tell me can be pretty much summarized by saying: you are such a retarded loser and you lost her forever? What am I missing?”_ Dianne laughed.

 

“I saw Alex’s eyes when I was around her daughter. She tried to fight it, but she could not. Her mind got filled with thoughts about how it would have been for us to be a family…” Ralph said with a proud smiled.

 

 _“Oh. My. God! Are you saying what I think you are saying???”_ Dianne asked reluctantly.

 

“Yes, I am indeed. Do you still have the plan well mapped in your diabolic head?”

 

 _“Oh, yes! Definitely yes!!! I’ve actually been working on it for the whole period. You know researching, getting informed, getting in touch with people, stuff like these. I knew you’d come around your stupid decision of playing the good guy! You are not a good guy, Ralph, love. I completely knew you’d want to do it sooner rather than later!”_ Diane declared proudly.

 

“Well, yes! I really, really want to do it now. I am sure about it.” Ralph said smiling.

 

 _“Boy or a girl?”_ Dianne asked almost dancing of happiness.

 

“Girl. Four-five years old. Just find someone who really needs help. I would be so happy to know that I helped a child avoid a very sad and unfortunate future. Oh, and if by any chance you can find a girl who’s blonde and curly, looking as much as possible like Alexandra… now that would be great. How long do you think it will take before having my child at home?” Ralph asked enthusiastically.

 

 _“Well, it won’t happen tomorrow, that’s for sure! Adoptions take a lot of time and the procedure is very complicated. But I know people, and you have connections, and I can always bribe my way through or sleep around with whoever can get me through. No worries. You’ll have your daughter latest by Christmas. Cross my heart.”_ Dianne promised.

 

“OMG! I will have a daughter.” Ralph said happily throwing himself on the sofa. “That will change my life completely! I need to redecorate. I need to do some research to find out how the room of a four years old girl should look like. She’s still be at kindergarten, right? Maybe I should get her a schoolbag… pink and some dolls… or maybe blue with all the craze about Frozen…”

 

 _“Earth to Ralph???”_ Dianne asked amused.

 

“Yes, what?”

 

 _“I just wanted to make sure you completely understand that I’m not going to bring you a daughter tomorrow…”_ Dianne laughed.

 

“Yes, yes, I know… but I am making plans. Oh, a daughter sounds amazing…”

 

_“Yes, and if you play it nicely and you are a good father, Alex and Salome might come along as a lottery bonus!”_

 

“Oh… you’re a genius, Dianne. You were so right saying that if there is something Alexandra could not resist that is a child…”

 

_“I thought you considered the plan absolutely low and quite immoral… unethical even...”_

 

“Well, it is all that. But no one has to know that I started this with all the wrong intentions. I am not absurd. I know a child is not a puppy to play with. I know it is a great responsibility, ok? I will love that child to pieces, I swear. It’s just wrong that I am considering becoming a parent having all the bad reasons in mind. I decide to accept your idea, but your plan anyway represents a whole new level of evil. I know that. But I am desperate… If I do nothing, she’ll be married to Smith before I blink twice. And then I will kill myself! Really. I will just kill myself...” Ralph admitted.

 

 _“Oh, Ralph… you know why the wheel is round? Because it turns around…”_ Dianne laughed.

 

“Shut up and do whatever you have to do to get me my daughter! I’m not paying you to keep an account of my lifetime mistakes, ok?”

 

 _“But I am keeping that account nonetheless… it’s something I do for pleasure.”_ Dianne laughed. Ralph laughed as well.

 

“Blonde and curly… just as my and Alexandra's daughter should have been…”

 

 _“Your wish is my command.”_ Dianne said with a grin.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooops... Dianne's diabolic plan is now revealed. 
> 
> I am sure I should do some hiding for a while. I will let this chapter sink in till next Tuesday... and I will be hiding in the amazing rooms provided to me by Lady_Cleo in her pillow fortress. 
> 
> (Please don't hate me more than you all already do!!!) I am very curious to hear your thoughts on this chapter! Xx


	22. Unbreakable bonds

Alex was laid on the sofa, eating tangerines from a small wooden basket placed on her belly. It was a lazy Sunday morning in the beginning of June. She was so lost in the process of pilling the fruits that she did not notice him standing in the doorway.

 

“Who even eats tangerines in June?” He asked crossing his arms at his chest and giving her a judgmental smile. Alex got so startled that she dropped her tangerine on the floor.

 

“Matthew! That was almost completely pilled! You cannot sneak around and scare people like this!” She pulled her tongue out at him and reached to pick up the tangerine. She started cleaning it carefully.  

 

“You still didn’t answer my question. Tangerines are for winter… you made a sort of fruit error!” Matt protested.

 

“Nonsense! Who said tangerines were for winter?” Alex protested paying no attention to him and completely focusing on cleaning and finishing pilling her tangerine.

 

“Santa Clause!” Matt said categorically and started moving towards her. When he got close enough he simply snatched her tangerine, split it into two halves and ate them both. Alex looked at him petrified.

 

“You. Did. Not.” She said on a threatening voice.

 

“Oh, look at my t-shirt. I was wondering where it disappeared.” Matt said smiling while looking at her. She was wearing one of his band t-shirts and some comfy shorts. He started at her bare legs which were occupying most of the sofa. He still could not believe they’ve been living together for nearly two weeks. It seemed surreal to him to wake up with her by his side every day – every day except that day. Bloody tangerines kissing her lips when most obviously it should have been only his business to do that. Matt grabbed one of her ankles and lifted her leg. He started roaming his fingers on her soft skin.

 

“Why did you leave the bed, hm?” He asked accusingly.

 

“I woke up at 7ish and I could no longer fall asleep…”

 

“Why didn’t you wake me up then?”

 

“Because it’s rude to wake people up at 7 a.m. on a Sunday morning.”

 

“Oh, but I am sure you could have thought of something to make the awakening quite the opposite of rude…” Matt smiled placing a kiss on her ankle.

 

“Ow… but sweetie…” Alex said with an evilish grin violently removing her leg from his grip. “That part of our relationship is over now!”

 

Matt frowned. “What do you mean?”

 

“Now that you moved in with me, I don’t need to keep your interest up anymore. So sex once per week will have to do. And after you put that ring on my finger, once per month will more than suffice.” She smiled at him with mean eyes and grabbed another tangerine.

 

Matt’s eyes suddenly went wide and his smile completely faded.

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“Very serious, Matthew.” Alex said starting pilling the new tangerine.

 

Matt blinked twice and he suddenly looked like a child who’s lost all his toys and was condemned to live a life without colours. He nodded once and mumbled an “ok”, very submissive, but accepting the cruel reality.

 

“I… will make a coffee… want one?”

 

Alex started laughing and threw the tangerine at him, hitting his forehead.

 

“You silly boy! Your face… oh, heaven! You should see your face…” She laughed.

 

Matt looked at her confused. What was that funnyabout his face? He didn’t know what to say, he just stayed there looking quite defeated while she was laughing so hard that a couple of tears started rolling down her cheeks. She put the basket with tangerines on the floor.

 

“Come here…” She spread her arms for him. “Come here my silly boy.”

 

“Were you… mocking me?” Matt asked reluctantly.

 

“Of course I was mocking you! But it suited you well. Because you annoyed me! Not only that you ate my pilled tangerine, but you had the guts to put a superior smirk on your face after that!” Alex said continuing laughing. “Come here. I am cold. Be my blanket.”

 

“That was the most heartless thing I have heard in my life…” Matt said crossing his arms at his chest.

 

“It was very funny, though.”

 

“You and I must have different definitions of funny.” He said still pretending to be grumpy.

 

“Come here and warm me up! Stop standing there and being useless.”

 

“Kingston!!!” Matt squeaked. “You are hurting my feelings!” He complained.

 

“Come here then and I will take care of your feelings…” She chuckled. Matt smiled as well and leaned towards her.

 

“What should I do?”

 

“Just lay on top of me and make me warm. Be my personal human blanket…” She said smiling. Matt did as told. He laid perfectly on top of her and placed his head on her shoulders and his arms around her neck.

 

“Just like this?”

 

“Yes, just like this.”

 

“But I must be heavy… can you breathe?”

 

“You are not heavy, darling. And I promise I can breathe perfectly.” She said wrapping her arms around his upper body.

 

“Your hair smells like tangerines… and you smell like summer. That is a most unusual combination… because tangerines smell like winter! And snow… oh! I should go out and get some flowers…”

 

“Flowers? What for?” Alex asked closing her eyes and leaning her head on his.

 

“Alex, my beautiful, my love… I don’t need a reason to buy you flowers. Just because I moved in with you, or that I will at some point put a ring on your finger, does not mean that I have to stop showing you how much I love you. I don’t want to lose all our little things… the Blue Danube… the white flowers… the Nutella and banana pancakes…”

 

“Are you trying to make me feel guilty for pulling that poor joke with cutting your sex ratio?”

 

“Yes.” Matt admitted smiling in her hair. “Is it working?”

 

“Completely…” Alex said hugging him tighter and turning her head a little, just enough to be able to place small kisses on his hair. “Thank you.”

 

“What for…” He asked softly.

 

“Moving in. And loving me. And teaching me how to love again. And being patient and not judging…”

 

“My pleasure, Ms. Kingston.” Matt said slowly rising his head and placing a kiss on her lips. She kissed him back with a smile. He lowered his face again and started kissing her on the eyes, and then on both her cheeks, and then on the forehead. Alex just smiled as their eyes got locked together. He stared into her eyes with deep penetrating love. Then he smiled.

 

“My precious…” He whispered as if casting a spell on her.

 

“Yes…” Alex replied feeling her body heating up and her mind getting blurred. She was curious what sort of declaration of love he would come up with this time; what sort of mystical words he would find to pour on her…

 

“I’m hungry…” He said bluntly and her eyes went wide with shock and disappointment. She frowned and looked at him as if on the verge of killing him for ruining her fantasy:

 

“Are you for real???”

 

“I really… am so hungry… sorry…” Matt said pulling some puppy dog eyes at her reaction.

 

Alex burst into laughter and so did he. Matt started tickling her while she was trapped and almost unable to move between him and the sofa.

 

“No, no, no!!!” Alex complained.

 

“Are you going to cook for me?” Matt asked still tickling her.

 

“YES!!! I’ll cook anything you want. Just stop with the torture!” Alex begged.

 

“Very well, Mrs.!” He said standing up with a quick jump.

 

“Excusé!!! It’s Ms.!” Alex said crossing her arms at her chest and pretending to be offended.

 

“Not for that long, if I have a saying in this!” Matt winked.

 

Alex started laughing and stood up on the sofa starting jumping up and down. She was acting very silly and somewhere in the back of her mind she knew it; but she just didn’t care enough to be bothered.

 

“Carry me to the kitchen!!!” Alex demanded still jumping on the sofa and facing him.

 

“Ok!!!” Matt laughed. “How?”

 

“Well, turn around and I will jump on your back with my legs straddling your middle! Then you will have to join your hands behind as a sort of sitting support my adorable arse.” Alex grinned.

 

Matt started laughing even harder. “Your adorable arse?”

 

“What, you don’t agree?” Alex gave him a look.

 

“I more than agree, you monument of naughtiness!” Matt said giggling and turning around for her to be able to jump on his back as she wanted. “So, all ready, Milady?”

 

“Yes, you may depart, my little pony!” Alex said placing her lips on his neck and giving him a kiss.

 

“Ow… that kiss just saved you from a nasty reply!” Matt laughed.

 

Just when they were in the main hallway, ready to go towards the kitchen, they noticed the front door opening. Salome and another tall teenager with short hair entered with their bike helmets in their hands.

 

“Hello you two!” Alex said smiling, without the slightest intention of getting off Matt.

 

“Hello Ms. Kingston!” Said the tall short haired girl with an awkward smile.

 

“Anita, have you met Matt, my boyfriend?” Alex said with an even wider smile.

 

“Ah… not yet, Ms. Kingston. But Salome told me a lot of things about him…”

 

“Ow… did she? Good things, Poppet?” Matt asked with a grin.

 

“Yes, Matty. Only good things… and some more about how mom exploits you! But I guess Anita just got a sample of that!” Salome said rolling her eyes.

 

“Yes! She does, she exploits me a lot. Sorry for not being able to properly shake your hand, Anita… but I have to carry around my Mistress who is too lazy to walk by herself!” Matt said and immediately Alex slapped him playfully over his head.

 

“Oi! That’s not how it happened, Anita. I was relaxing and he woke me up just to cook for him… so I said… what’s fair is fair! At least carry me to the kitchen!”

 

Anita was giggling being extremely smiley and amused. Salome on the other hand was fighting hard the urge of rolling her eyes constantly.

 

“YES! That’s true. I am hungry! Honey, maybe you should deliver on those cooking promises and we’ll give a shout to the girls when the brunch is on the table.” Matt said smiling.

 

“That’s a fantastic idea, sweetie!” Alex said pressing her lips on his cheek. “Now, young ladies, if you’ll excuse us…” She said winking while Matt turned around and entered with her in the kitchen.

 

“Your mom is the coolest person ever…” Anita said giggling.

 

“Omg! No!!! She is so ridiculously in love with Matt! It’s just plain embarrassing!” Salome complained while they started heading towards the stairs and up in the teenager’s room.

 

Matt just laughed hearing them. He dropped Alex in the middle of the kitchen.

 

“Mrrr!!! I should ground that girl for calumny.” Alex complained.

 

“Ridiculously in love…” Matt replied imitating Salome’s tone.

 

“Don’t, Matt. Just don’t…” Alex said threateningly.

 

“Soooooooooooo riiiiiiiiiidddiiiiiiculouuusly in LOVE!” Matt teased some more and Alex felt how her cheeks were starting to burn.

 

“Soooooooooooooooooo ri-dic-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-lous-lyyyyyy in loooooveee” He continued teasing just to see her turning innocently red.

 

“Oh heaven!” Alex said turning around and grabbing her face with his palms. She felt so exposed and embarrassed.

 

Matt ran to her and wrapped his arms around her middle, Alex still being with her back towards him. He lifted her up like that and started spinning her around.

 

“In love, in love, in love!” Matt said laughing while putting her down. He turned her around to face him. He cupped her face with his palms. “Look into my eyes and tell me how ridiculously in love with me you are…” He said grinning.

 

Alex smiled with her cheeks still red: “Well apparently so ridiculously in love that I embarrass my daughter…”

 

“Try harder…” Matt urged her.

 

Alex rolled her eyes: “I am desperately in love with you! I think I could literally die if you left me! I need you as I need air and water! I just want to be with you every second and every minute and every hour and every day and every week, month, and year for the rest of my life! You drove me out of my right mind!!! You’re all I can think about and I know I should act more maturely, but I really cannot be bothered to care. Happy now???” She said pulling her tongue out at him. 

 

“Ecstatic! My happiness defies description…” He said cheekily.

 

“Shut up!” She laughed pushing him aside and trying to break the embrace. But he didn’t let her. He pulled her closer and kissed her softly on the lips before whispering.

 

“Pancakes? Nutella and bananas?” Matt said with wide smile.

 

“Do you really want pancakes with Nutella and bananas, or you’re just using that as an excuse to call me the ‘perfect girlfriend’.” Alex winked at him.

 

“Both! And you ruined it. Let’s try again: Alex… can you make me some pancakes, with Nutella and bananas?”

 

“Of course, my darling. Your wish is my command.” She chuckled.

 

“Oh… now aren’t you the perfect girlfriend?” Matt delivered his catch phrase proudly.

 

Alex just laughed wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him an Eskimo kiss. They prepared the brunch together and set the table before calling the girls to join them.

 

The brunch went on perfectly. The four of them made jokes and laughed and had a really great time. Matt and Alex entered a sort of competition, trying to see who can be more interesting and get the hardest laughs out of the two teenage girls.

 

When the brunch was over Alex stood up to clean the table.

 

“So girls, what are your plans for the rest of the Sunday?”

 

“Well, Ms. Kingston, Salome decided that I should become a Whovian, so she said she’ll tie me to a chair and force Doctor Who episodes on me.” Anita said giggling.

 

“Oh! Amazing plan. I support that. I’ll help you, Poppet!” Matt declared hi-five-ing Salome.

 

“No, you won’t. At least not today. I want us to go for a walk on the beach because the weather is amazing…” Alex said on a complaining voice.

 

“Oh, you should go! Definitely. I and Salome can clean up here as a thank you for the delicious brunch!” Anita said with a smile while Salome looked at her with an annoyed face which meant ‘hope you’re not serious!’

 

“Oh, Anita, that would be so kind of you, but really there is no need.’ Alex smiled.

 

“No, but I insist. You are always so nice to me and make me feel like home… this house honestly feels more like home than any other place in the last four-five years…” Anita said with a sad smile. Alex went directly and hugged the teenager. She knew – oh so well – from Salome how difficult it’s been for Anita to constantly move countries due to her parents’ jobs, and how neglected the poor child’s been her entire life.

 

“Thank you, Anita. It means a lot to me… I don’t usually get much help with the chores! And YES! I am looking at you two, Salome and Matt!” She said on an accusative tone which obviously triggered some eye rolls from both her ‘babies’.

 

With the girls cleaning the kitchen, Alex and Matt went to get dressed for their walk. The weather was amazing and Alex could not wait to have some quiet time with Matt… since she’s meant to tell him something for quite some while.

 

In half an hour they were already on the beach, walking hand in hand along the coastline.

 

“Matt, darling… there’s something I’ve meant to tell you, but I never seemed to actually find the proper timing.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Well… I had a clash with Ralph the other week.” Alex confessed.

 

“What?” Matt asked stopping for a second and looking at her with big and wondering eyes.

 

She squeezed his hand a bit more and they resumed their walk.

 

“Well… it’s not really important what happened because I put him into his place and I made it clear that I do not want to have anything to do with him in my life… so, the actual clash is not important… there is something else that bothered me…”

 

“No, Alex… the actual clash is important. What happened? I want to know…” Matt insisted.

 

“Well…” Alex started on a calm and even manner. “I was cleaning up my wardrobe, making place for your stuff in when someone started banging their fists on the door. I initially thought it was Salome, having another one of her teenage crises, but when I opened the door I was utterly surprised to see Ralph there…”

 

Matt and Alex continued their walk hand in hand. The sun was shining and the sand was tickling their bare feet. Alex explained to Matt in great detail everything Ralph said and the manner in which she responded to him. Then she told him the incident with Salome and the autograph for Anita.

 

“Man, and I thought Anita liked me…” Matt said rolling his eyes, falsely annoyed.

 

“Oh, Matt…” Alex rolled her eyes too, chuckling a bit.

 

“Has he bothered you after that? And why did you not tell me as soon as it happened?” Matt enquired turning his attention back to their subject.

 

“Of course he did not bother me, I would have honestly called the police. Told you… I did not seem to find the proper timing for it. I was way too ecstatic to have you here. We were happy and we had other things to do and other things to settle in place than to discuss my inner turmoil… Because as I said, it’s not the incident itself that bothers me. Ralph’s aggressive and over-reacting attitude is no novelty to me. I honestly do not care about Ralph and what he thought… what I am worried about is what you think…”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Ralph perceived my whole behaviour in the past half a year as being a sort of game I played with him and, implicitly, with you. I honestly was shocked to realize this, because for me it hasn’t been anything like that. I did not play any sort of game… all I wanted was the honest and open conversation we had in Germany. For me that was it! That was the end. That was my… well… redemption… to so many levels. I sought and wanted nothing more than that! I was scared… yes, I did not know whether to go for it or not! I made mistakes… yes! I know I did… but… I was clear! I told him as I told you! I told him crystal clear that I love you and that I do not want anyone else but… you…”

 

Alex rolled her eyes and had to stop talking for a while in order to banish away the tears. She was grateful that Matt remained silent because she was not done with her thoughts; she merely wanted to breathe in and out several times before asking the thing that was bothering her. Oh, the sea sang amazingly and they walked just like that, listening to the waves for almost two minutes.

 

“Do you think the same, Matt? Do you think I played a game?” She asked eventually.

 

“Oh, love, it’s not like that. There were some… well, let’s say poorly analyzed decisions you made… and I do see his point in believing that there was something more at hand…”

 

“No. I did not ask you if you saw his point, Matt. I asked you if you believe that I played a game. Past tense. Not now. I know you don’t believe that I am playing a game with you now. I know that you believe in my feelings and in our relationship… but I want to know if at any point you considered I was playing a game with you. Did you, Matt?”

 

Matt turned his eyes away and started for a second too long at the horizon.

 

“Oh, my, heaven!” Alex pulled her hand ways from his. “You did!!! You did! When???”

 

“It’s not like that… well yes… I did believe… for a while…”

 

“But you said you understood and… trusted me… and…” Now she was fighting hard the tears, while suddenly walking faster.

 

“Hey… don’t rush, love. Running is not the point of a chilled walk on a Sunday afternoon.” Matt said softly, slowing down his pace. Alex left out a big sigh and did the same. “Come on, let me hold your hand again…” He said equally sweetly. Alex did as told and Matt raised her hand to his lips and kissed it several times.

 

“Look love… the fact that indeed your behaviour looked in many respects similar to… well, playing with two guys, has nothing to do with me trusting your argument. I do honestly believe that during our conversation in February, after your trip, you told me everything about your feelings and motives regarding the whole Ralph thing. I do know your reasons very well and I consciously acknowledge them and I do understand your point and your perspective… but hell knows my sentiments took the best of me. When you told me you loved me… I lost it… not for long, but for a short while… I… well… doubted your words…” He sensed her intention of pulling her hand away, but he just squeezed it into his. “Don’t love… we’re talking. We’re having a mature conversation here, not a fight. I want to hold you. Trust and companionship. Remember?”

 

She smiled sadly and held his hand firmly moving closer to him. He let her hand go just to place his arm around her shoulders, holding her tight.

 

“I was saying that indeed, I doubted your words and they made me utterly and irrationally jealous. Because I have waited for those words for so long and you only said them to me after you spent a weekend with Ralph. I know… I know! Nothing happened. I do know. And I do trust you. But as I told you before, when I was trying to make you fall for me: what the brain knows and what the heart feels are two completely different things. And my heart felt like you’ve been toying with it… like you’ve played a silly hide and sick game with your ex… It all made me feel like a fool. I felt a pressing desire of possessing you. And I felt horrible because of those thoughts. Because the obsession with ownership over the loved one is against everything I stand for in terms of love… but hell, I did feel just that! A pressing desire of knowing that you are only mine. Thanks heaven that I am reasonable enough not to succumb to petty jealousy for too long. It was a momentary feeling... it disappeared in a couple of days. However, it kept on bothering me at late hours in the night, when the ugly demons of insecurity were crawling in. Because, oh! He was right here in L.A., and I was an ocean apart. Funnily enough, although I did get again jealous when I heard you’ve been talking with him on the phone… your birthday was the moment when I realized you were not interested in Ralph, or anyone else but me. You did everything I wanted you to do, no matter how ridiculous, and you enjoyed every bit of it. You poured love on me just as much as I poured love on you… it was comforting and reassuring… so no, at the moment I have absolutely no doubt in what concerns you, and us. But it would be a terrible lie to say that I have never questioned the sincerity of your feelings…”

 

Alex sighed a bit. “I really… really never thought of it like that… I just… I believed that he changed and he really wanted a second chance…”

 

“My precious… I know, I told you. I do know your arguments. No point to reiterate them constantly because you are anyway not saying new things… but you also have to understand that from the outside, it may look very dubious that you even accepted talking to Ralph again… there is an unspoken and mind blowing: why? Why did she even do this? And for everyone who knows how a human being works and how the heart functions, the answer to that why is obvious…”

 

“Matt!!!” Alex pulled aside and stopped turning him to face her. “You cannot honestly believe that I have feelings for him… not even unconsciously!”

 

“No. I do not believe you have feelings for him. I know you love me! I know you are sooooooooooooooooo ridiculously in love with me!!! (he said giggling and imitating Salome) I do know, and I feel it and hell you make me happy, and being here with you and starting our life together is a dream! I am what you want, just as much as you are what I want.” He leaned and kissed her deeply.

 

“Then… what’s the answer to the why?” She replied with shinning eyes when they parted.

 

“Remember what I said about love? On our first date? Love is an ephemeral feeling. It’s tricky, it changes. It has a lot of faces and a lot of sides. Loving me now does not erase the fact that you once loved Florian, or Ralph, or someone else. Loving me does not erase and does not replace loving them. You love me for me and that is unique. And it is all that matters now and for our future. And it is all that I care about. But I do believe that for every person there is someone, rarely even a couple of someones, whom the said person will always have a strong connection with… someone one can spend years repelling, ignoring… but someone with whom it only takes an instant to reconnect. There is always that someone who becomes a scar imprinted on another person’s very soul. Even if one doesn’t want to, even if one knows one shouldn’t, that it’s wrong and dangerous. It can be love, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. It’s nonetheless a strong emotion, a sort of unbreakable bond. It can be heaven, but equally well it can turn toxic, unhealthy in all it is... Nonetheless, it remains a guilty pleasure. For you that person is Ralph. Through the nature of your relationship and your break-up, he will always be a scar on your soul. I am not jealous, I am not judging it. This does not undermine your love for me in anyway. It’s part of who you are as a person. If it wasn’t for him, for what he represented for you, for what he’s done to you… well, I’d be facing a different Alex at the moment. And most definitely you should never be ashamed for the feelings you invested in him. As long as you do not allow that unbreakable bond to rule your life, to tumble it upside down, and to become your raison d’étre, there is nothing wrong with it. It is part of being human, it’s part of feeling, of being broken hearted and of evolving emotionally…”

 

He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her deeply. Then he laughed a little.

 

“Oh, you little girl. There’s so much you should have known about life before jumping head front and selling your soul to the Devil! Sometimes I like to think that I am your guardian angel. I must have seen you from up high, face-palmed myself when I realized what you did and decided to visit this mortal world just to save your little heart! Hence, the age gap. It all makes sense!” He laughed again and hugged her for dear life.

 

“You know what… now that you mentioned it, I am completely sure that it’s exactly how it happened…” She replied with a sad but full of love smile.

 

“Come on… let’s walk back. It’s getting late.” He said while putting an arm around her shoulders. She placed her head on his shoulder while wrapping her arm around his middle. They turned around wrapped as they were and started walking back towards her house.

 

Alex didn’t say anything anymore and neither did him. She was fascinated by his emotional maturity and his deep understanding of the human nature. He was right, he was indeed right even though she did not dare to mouth that truth out loud.

 

“What about yours?” She whispered out of nowhere at some point.

 

“Mine?” Matt asked a bit confused.

 

“Your unbreakable bond…”

 

Matt just smiled and kissed her curls.

 

“Oh, Alex… haven’t you figured that one out yet? Have I spoken all in vain?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sweeties. I hope you had a good week and happy holidays. 
> 
> Send you lots of kisses and please drop a line to tell me what you think about this chapter. The thing Matt said in the second half is a strong conviction I have myself. I am really curious to know if it makes sense outside my head and if anyone else believes something like that to be true. Xx


	23. Ooops!!!

It was very early on a Saturday morning. Beginning of August 2014.

 

Alex left the airport in a rush taking the first taxi home. She could not wait to be home with her babies after three long weeks apart. Due to another sudden change in her schedule, she had to spend most of her summer in the UK. Matt and Salome spent almost a month with her there, but then they returned to California: Matt being required for a couple of auditions and Salome wanting to spend the rest of her vacation with her friends. Florian – convinced that Salome was due to be in Europe the entire summer – made arrangements to work a couple of months on the old continent.

 

And this is how (and why) Matt and Salome ended up spending three weeks all alone in the states!

 

Alex entered the house with her heart racing. She knew that no one was up to greet her since her arrival was meant to be a surprise. Technically, Alex still had to be in the UK for eight more days, but she managed to wrap her filming earlier and to take the first plane home. She hated being away from her daughter and she could barely stand being separated from Matt. She loved him and she needed him and…

 

Heaven it smelled horrible!

 

Alex left her huge suitcase down in the entrance hallway. She sniffed twice and pulled a disgusted face. What was that smell???

 

Alex headed to the kitchen and her jaw dropped instantly when she saw the state of her once immaculate cooking shrine. There were two massive piles of dirty dishes on the counter; plus many other dishes spread across the kitchen table in the middle of which laid three massive and almost empty boxes of pizza. Alex crossed her arms feeling her brain veins pumping. She turned around and headed directly to the living room.

 

The living room didn’t look different at all. There were cans of soda everywhere; empty or full bags of crisps thrown on all her furniture; plates with half eaten slices of pizza or already dried Thai take away on the floor and…

 

Especially AND!

 

… five teenagers (plus her boyfriend!) curled on the sofas and armchairs with the wii and psp remote controls still in their hands (or alternatively dropped from their hands on the floor).

 

Alex could feel her blood boiling and saw red before her eyes instantly. She went upstairs to Salome’s room just to find three more of her daughter's girlfriends sleeping on inflatable mattresses. Randomly thrown on the floor were several school bags with changing clothes, make up kits, or reading books inside. Alex rolled her eyes and wondered for how long had the sleepover been going on?

 

She decided to find out by waking up and interrogating the participants. Thus, she went to the sleeping girls and shook them a little. Then she moved towards the windows to pull the curtains away.

 

“Anita, Mara, Helen…” Alex said not at all mildly. “Wake up!”

 

The three girls started stirring on their mattresses.

 

“Wake up, girls. Come on.” Alex said on a harsh tone. The girl Alex identified as Helen opened her eyes; firstly only a little, then - when she recognized Alex - very wide. Terrified, Helen stood up in an instant.

 

“Ms… Kingston…” She said biting her lower lip. Then she bent to shake Anita and Mara. “Mara! Ani!!! Wake up!!!”

 

“Meeting in the living room. You have two minutes to be downstairs!” Alex announced the three girls before turning around and leaving the room.

 

Alex returned to the kitchen and picked a pot and a big metal spoon. Then she went back to the living room, took two deep breaths and started banging the metal spoon on the pot creating an infernal noise.

 

“WAKEY-WAKEY!” She declared still violently hitting the pot with the spoon. One by one the sleepy heads covered their hurting ears and opened their eyes.

 

“Mom!” Salome gasped in shock and looked at Matt automatically. Matt looked at Salome and they both swallowed. He dared not look at Alex.

 

“Good morning, sunshine!” Alex smiled to her daughter. But oh, that smile! Salome knew that smile so well and hell she was in trouble!!! Huge trouble!!!

 

Anita, Helen, and Mara entered the living room with their heads down. When Alex saw them she invited them to sit on the sofa and then she made the others follow suit. Alex put the pot and spoon down, crossed her arms and looked at the eight teenagers (and the five years old Matt) who were sitting in a line on the edge of the sofas looking terribly scared and uneasy.

 

“Good morning everyone! I am so happy to see all of you here and to find out about this amazing welcome party you decided to throw for me. I cannot stop thinking of how considerate you’ve all been to do this for me! Especially bearing in mind the fact that I was due to arrive only next Sunday. I am terribly moved to see that you wanted so badly to give me the perfect welcome home party that you started with proper rehearsals way in advance. My dearest Matt and Salome! I cannot contain my happiness at the moment.”

 

“Alex… we…” Matt started but she silenced him with a look that could have killed a Dalek fleet.

 

“I am terribly disappointed in the pair of yous, but I will not publicly shame you. I will deal with you two once everyone leaves.” Alex said pointing a finger at Matt and Salome; both of them restlessly biting their lips. Then she turned and looked at Salome’s friends:

 

 “For how long has my house been a summer camp providing unhealthy food and unlimited technology-only interaction?”

 

Everyone looked down. It was obvious that as long as it was everyone’s task to answer, no one would take the responsibility on themselves.

 

“Anita. And stand up, please.” Alex said somehow enjoying scaring the life out of her daughter’s friends and indirectly embarrassing her. Suited her well. Anita stood up as if she was supposed to answer a question addressed by her least favourite teacher.

 

“Monday morning, Ms. Kingston.” Anita confessed.

 

“Monday morning???” Alex almost shouted turning towards Matt and Salome and looking as if she could literally kill them. “Sit down, Anita. Mark, what have you been eating?”

 

Mark stood up looking mortified: “Pizza… and… fries… and take away and McDonalds… and cakes.”

 

Matt closed his eyes before burring his head into his palms. That was so not supposed to happen. Why was she home early? For once in his life he really was not happy to see Alex… and it was all his fault!

 

“Sounds… delicious.” Alex said through clenched teeth. “Helen.”

 

“Yes… Ms. Kingston?” The girl whispered while standing up and shaking like a jellyfish.

 

“When was the last time you guys went out. And I don’t mean out to the swimming pool because I can see soda cans there as well. I meant out of the house!”

 

“Ah… we…” Helen was on the verge of bursting into tears.

 

“You didn’t leave the house. Obviously. Sit down and don’t cry. What would be the point of that! Matthew Robert Smith!”

 

All eyes turned towards him and Matt stood up looking worse and more scared than Helen.

 

“I might just put you in a box and ship you back to the UK!”

 

“MOM!” Salome complained with tears running down her face.

 

“What are you crying for? How many times did I tell you! DON’T SPEND A FULL DAY INSIDE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND WATCHING TV SERIES!”

 

Everyone startled at the anger in Alex’s voice.

 

“Mom… you said you won’t embarrass us in front of everyone…” Salome complained.

 

“I planned not to, but I am terribly mad at all of you! I don’t want to hear a single more word from any of you. And if you think you will not see Salome until school starts, that is probably a very good deduction! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I will go take a shower… after all I just landed after a very long flight. Then I will call your parents to personally apologize for the way in which you wasted a week of your lives and of your vacation in the trashiest way possible in my house! If you think, Salome dear, that me telling you off in front of your school friends is embarrassing, well, that is nothing to how embarrassed I feel because of what you’ve done! I will be in my room for 2 hours sharp! You, army of tv-and-internet-brainwashed-junk-food-eater-zombies! You have two hours to clean my house and go home. Understood?”

 

“Yes, Ms. Kinston!” Said all of them in one voice.

 

Alex turned around and left the room, dragging her suitcase upstairs and locking herself in the bedroom. Thanks heaven they did not enter there and all was in order. She unpacked calling the parents one by one and then she went to take a shower. She spent more than two hours in her room, but when she went downstairs, the house looked perfectly in order. She was happy to see that everyone had left. Matt and Salome were sitting on the sofa waiting for her and whispering to each other.

 

When Alex cleared her voice two pairs of horribly guilty eyes looked at her.

 

“I will not shout at you or anything, because I do care about my nerves and my voice. Plus, I well know that if I remain grumpy and I ignore both of you, you will feel way worse. Salome, how many times did I tell you that I do not want you to become that sort of teenager who spends all her life on social media or in front of the computer watching series and losing the ability of genuine human interaction? How many times did I tell you that your eyes will be affected, that your brain will be slowed down, that you will become a nameless and faceless entity if you do this? How many times did I tell you not to poison your developing body with unhealthy and chemically enhanced food? I thought I taught you better than spending a whole week indoors eating junk food and playing video games. When you and Matt spent a weekend doing this last month, while I was away filming in a location, what did I tell both of you? Didn’t I tell you that ok, it happened once, no big deal, but I would much rather see you out, going for a walk, or at the cinema or something? Did I specifically say this or not?” Her tone was no longer angry, but sad and disappointed.

 

“Yes… you did. I am so sorry, Mom…”

 

“Are you now? You know what I always say, Salome. Doing something once, is an honest mistake! Doing it twice…”

 

“… it’s a conscious decision…” both Matt and Salome finished her line.

 

“Exactly. And I am sure this week would have passed completely unmentioned had I remained faithful to my returning schedule. Moreover, you both shamelessly lied to me about your days both times I called since Monday. How is that supposed to make me feel? Honestly now! What was in your head, Matt??? Salome is a child, no matter what she thinks. But you??? I had higher expectations from you. And something tells me this was your idea! You miss Karen and Arthur??? Fine! Go do this with them! Because this little sleepover party you and Salome planned followed exactly the same pattern with the way in which you and the Ponds used to spend your time in Cardiff. Well… not the alcohol bit, which I must say I am extremely thankful for! Because I would have ripped your head off!”

 

“Alex… I am really…” Matt started but what could he actually way.

 

“Don’t even bother, Matt.” She cut him and then she turned to her daughter. “Salome.”

 

“Yes, mom?”

 

“Phone, laptop, tablet. Now.” Alex demanded.

 

“No. No… NO… Please! No…….” The teenager complained.

 

“Phone, laptop, tablet. Now! Nonnegotiable.”

 

“NO!!!” Salome started crying. “Please Mother, please!!!”

 

“SHUT UP AND BRING ME YOUR GADGETS, NOW!”

 

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!” Salome shouted at Matt and violently punched him with a fist in the shoulder.

 

“AUCH! HOW IS THIS MY FAULT???”

 

“YOU SAID SHE WOULDN’T FIND OUT!!!”

 

“BUT IT WAS YOUR IDEA!!!” Matt defended himself looking terribly annoyed and still rubbing his shoulder.

 

Alex could barely hold herself from laughing. Seeing her daughter and Matt fighting like two friends and trying to place the blame from one to another for what was a common mistake was simply priceless. Alex loved the relationship Salome and Matt had. He was definitely an adult role figure for Salome, but not as a parent. No. Definitely not as a parent. Salome would never see Matt as her step-dad. For her he was more like the cool older brother she worshiped. And the feeling was mutual. Alex almost made a face at the thought since it could potentially be pretty disturbing… given her relationship with Matt, but hell no. She didn’t mean it in that way. She genuinely meant that Matt and her daughter shared that precious sibling-like bond.  

 

“Stop shouting in my head!” Alex said eventually. “Matt… laptop, tablet, wii and psp remotes. Now.”

 

“What??? You cannot take my laptop and my tablet.” Matt looked at her raising an eyebrow.

 

“Yes I can.” Alex grinned.

 

“And his phone!!!” Salome added.

 

“No. He can keep his phone. He needs to check his emails and to be reachable for WORK PURPOSERS! Like proper grown-ups! But he does not need his other gadgets.”

 

“You cannot ground me! I am not your child!!!” Matt said sassily.

 

“Do you want to also sleep in the guest room for indefinite time?” Alex asked equally sassy. 

 

“AHH!!!” Matt gasped annoyed stomping his foot on the ground.

 

“He should definitely sleep in the guest room!!! It would be only fair that way!” Salome snapped crossing her arms.

 

“Shut up!” Matt shushed her.

 

“What about NO? She took my favourite toys! Only fair she takes yours as well!”

 

“PFFF! Please! If you think she’s ever going let me touch her while angry…” Matt began but Alex cut him.

 

“OI! I am still here! And I would much rather my underage daughter not discuss my sex life with my boyfriend, thank you very much!” She said sassily. “Bring me what I demanded and stop complaining or I swear I will ship you two directly to Europe to your parents and your father!” Alex threatened.

 

Salome rolled her eyes and Matt did the same.

 

“She’s evil… told you so…” Salome whispered to Matt while leaving the room.

 

“Wish I had listened to you, Poppet.” Matt approved following her.

 

Alex smiled. She waited till they got upstairs to fetch their gadgets and then she started laughing. She could not help it, it was simply hilarious. But she put back on her annoyed face as soon as she heard them returning. The two entered the room with their heads down and handed her all the gadgets while looking terribly affected. Alex said nothing. She grinned satisfied, turned around and left.

 

“Where is she taking them?” Matt asked Salome throwing himself on the sofa.

 

“She has a special place in her room. But don’t bother, it’s locked and I’ve never managed to find the place where she’s hiding the key. Really. There is no chance for us to see the stuff she hides unless she wants us to get them back…” Salome said with a sad face throwing herself on the sofa next to him.

 

“Pff… how long?” Matt asked looking at the black TV.

 

“Usually a couple of weeks. But if we behave, maybe we can even get them in one week.”

 

“Pfff… really??? A couple of weeks? So long? What should we do to qualify as “behaving”? Hey! I know! Let’s go out. With the bikes or the roller skates! In the park. And we can buy some salads on our way home. And some fruit natural juices or stuff…”

 

“Hm… ok. We could do that. It won’t work today and she will use all her guilt tripping abilities on us. Be strong… you’re new in this game. She can be very, very heartless. And when I say heartless… I mean she will be so the best mom in the universe that you will feel like dying of shame for upsetting her… it’s a trick. But it works all the time…” Salome admitted. 

 

“I can do it. I will do it. Her puppy dog eyes don’t work on me.” Matt said putting on a brave face.

 

“Matt, don’t be stupid. Her everything works on you! She will make you suffer for what we’ve done. Trust me… I pity you. By the time she is done with you, you will have never felt more guilty in your life.”

 

“Pff… Let’s start already with the penance. Where are the bikes? And we will buy her flowers and something cute and stuffed. Like a polar bear.”

 

“Or a shark.” Salome laughed. “Pssst… Matt?” She looked at him with a mischievous smile.

 

“Yeah?” Matt asked also smiling.

 

“Salads and fruits and everything… but while we’re in the park, what about a huge ice-cream with chocolate toppings? Just to spite her! Of course... without her knowing.”

 

“You rebel flesh! I like how you think!”

 

They both just cracked into laughter while standing up in order to call Alex and ask for permission to go out.

 


	24. A family day...

Matt entered the bedroom on his tiptoes. She was in front of the wardrobe, arranging her clothes back in, folding some t-shirts and piling them on a chair. He sneaked behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist placing his lips on her shoulder.

 

“Go away, Matt. I am terribly cross with you.” Alex said on a harsh tone, but her lips curved into a smile because she knew he could not see it.

 

“I am so sorry, Alex…” He whispered softly.

 

“You are irresponsible.” She accused harshly.

 

“Sometimes…” Matt admitted.

 

“99% of times, Matthew.” Alex continued quite bitterly.

 

“Please… I am really sorry. I know that you had higher expectations from me…” Matt said on a sad tone resting his chin on her shoulder.

 

“Yes.” She replied still folding the t-shirts.

 

“And I know that you really trusted me with the most important person in your life…” Matt continued on the same sad tone.

 

“Yes.” Alex replied on a plain voice.

 

“And I know that I disappointed you with my behaviour…”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And I know your trust in my parental abilities is shaken…”

 

“Utterly.”

 

“But I didn’t hurt her… I would have never hurt her… we were just having fun.” He tried to defend himself.

 

“Too much fun.”

 

“Yes, too much fun… we were having a bit too much fun…” Matt admitted closing his eyes and becoming silent.

 

“Go on.” Alex urged him.

 

Matt opened his eyes. He did not know what she meant by going on, but he figured that maybe she wanted him to keep on admitting bad things about himself. He sighed and continued.

 

“And I am sorry. And I regret disappointing you and looking irresponsible in your eyes…”

 

“And?”

 

“And I am terribly embarrassed that you considered it fit to treat me as a child… and ground me…”

 

“But?”

 

“But…” He was trying to guess what she wanted to hear. “But I know that I completely deserve it...”

 

“And?”

 

“And I will carry my penance with dignity…”

 

“And?”

 

“And prove you that this was just a minor incident… and that I am not irresponsible… ”

 

“Because?”

 

“Because I love you and I don’t want you to be mad at me because it kills me?” He said with puppy dog eyes and Alex grinned victoriously.

 

“And what are you eager to do in order to clear your sins?” She asked on a devilish tone and then bent in order to place a t-shirt on top of the pile. Her arse pressed on his lap made Matt moan a little.  

 

“Well… I can go sleep in the guest room…” Matt said sensually kissing her neck.

 

“One week.” Alex grinned.

 

“Really???” Matt said automatically stopping with the kisses and blinking his eyes in disbelief.

 

“Really.” Alex nodded.

 

“But I… I didn’t really mean it… I was trying for something else…” Matt admitted.

  

“I know. And you pushed your luck with it.” Alex laughed.

 

“But... pff... Okay…” Matt let his head down and removed his arms from around her.

 

“I did not give you permission to stop spooning me.” She said sassily still folding her clothes.

 

“Okay…” Matt said wrapping himself around her again and rolling his eyes. “But love…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I actually wanted to ask you for something else…” He mumbled.

 

“Oh, do you actually dare having any more requests? You want two weeks in the guest room, maybe?”

 

“NO! This is something else…”

 

“I think you are suicidal.” Alex laughed.

 

“But… this is… you know, the sort of 'clearing our sins' request.” Matt insisted.

 

“Really? You don’t say. Ok. Try your luck. Hit me with your best shot.” She provoked him. 

 

“Can I and Salome go out to the park with the bikes?”

 

Alex laughed a little too hard: “I thought I made myself clear that you two are grounded. Do you think I am stupid? That I will just allow you go out and meet your friends and eat ice cream behind my back?”

 

“We won’t have ice cream!!! Who said anything about ice cream??? We just want to do something healthy and outdoory.” Matt defended himself quickly.  

 

“I don’t believe you.”

 

“Come with us then. Come on… we’ll spend a nice family day out.” Matt smiled. 

 

“I am tired.”

 

“Please… we just want to prove you that we will be good… and we missed you… I beg you, I beg you, I beg you…”

 

“Oh, fine, I will come. But don’t you for one second believe that this is all forgiven. I am very annoyed with you and if I treat you like a child, that’s because I do not think higher than that about you. Are we clear?” 

 

“Yes, ma’am. I swear I will make it up to you… Here, let me help you with that!”

 

Matt took the pile of t-shirts she folded, he picked it from the chair and reached the wardrobe to put the t-shirts on the upper shelf.

 

“I will be the most responsible person ever…”

 

He said with a smile. But in the blink of a second, Matt lost his balance and not only that he dropped all the nicely folded t-shirts, but managed to drag down even the ones that were still on the top shelf. He fell in his butt and looked at the mess around him. He looked terrified. Utterly terrified. Alex was going to kill him! He dared not look at her, but he had to. Matt lifted his eyes and looked at Alex. He was so embarrassed and humiliated. His eyes were almost in tears expecting to see disgust, disappointment and anger in hers. But she looked just amused. She shook her head and burst into laughter.

 

“Are you even for real? Falling in your butt like a toddler, exactly while giving a discourse about how mature and responsible you are going to be??? Are you actually for real? You are incredibly clumsy and childish. But I suppose this is why I keep you around, to make me feel young… Stand up and, attempting not to tear my house apart, go and tell Salome to get dressed for the park.” She said rolling her eyes.

 

Matt stood up immediately, quickly pressed his lips on hers and ran out of the bedroom calling for Salome.

 

One hour later they were walking in the park. Matt was holding Alex's hand, while Salome was circling around them with her roller skates. The teen was laughing telling stories about their crazy week. Matt was reluctant about that topic in the beginning, but he eventually could not help himself. Their week had been too good not to be talked about over and over again. Alex seemed to momentarily forget she had to be angry on them and fully joined into their conversation, laughing and asking more details about their crazy sleepover extravaganza.

 

“And then Helen was… Ahhh!!!” Salome almost lost her balance and fell because of bumping into someone while skating with with her back.

 

“Ah!” The person gasped as well.

 

“Salome!” Alex said immediately catching her daughter from falling. Then she looked apologetically at the person Salome crashed onto.

 

The young woman looked like a Victoria Secrets angel. The expensive sunglasses covered half of her face. Her long platinum blond hair was reaching her waist. She had terribly long legs and a very generous bosom. She was dressed with a short pink tulle skirt and a completely white tank top. Her high heels were probably inhumane to walk on, but the young woman managed to do it perfectly. In her society-imposed-perfection, she looked like the worst nightmare of every low-self-esteem girl.

 

“I am so sorry…” Salome apologized looking at the young woman from the bottom to the top.

 

“Well… I appear to be in one piece. But be more careful next time.” The woman smiled, but there was something negative about that smile.

 

“Indeed she should be more careful. Terribly sorry that this happened…” Alex reassured her.

 

The blonde woman’s smile turned as fake as fakeness gets and she wrinkled her petite nose as if utterly bothered by Alex’s presence.

 

“No worries. I hope you have a great day, Ms. Kingston.” The woman said on a bitter tone and then walked past them without further ado. The three turned their heads to look at her walking away.

 

“What was her problem?”

“Deffo not a fan of yours!" 

 

Alex and Salome said at the same time raising their eyebrows. Then they both looked at Matt. Salome sneakily winked at Alex. Alex winked back at her daughter and out of nowhere smacked Matt’s shoulder.

 

“Did you just stare at her ass?” She asked Matt with a pissed off face.

 

“What???” Matt asked completely lost. Did she really say what he heard she said?

 

“Did you???” Alex insisted on a nearly hysterical tone. Salome just started laughing.

 

“Alex… I did not… I would never… Oh, my, God! How can you believe that??? She is a piece of plastic! I love you… and you know I never wanted something like that! That’s not me… how can you believe…”

 

Alex just turned around and hi5-ed her daughter. Then they both continued laughing while Matt’s eyes went suddenly all grumpy.

 

“You two are evil! And are being constantly mean to me… and I will call mom!”

 

Matt took his phone out of his pocket and called Lynne’s number. That made Alex and Salome crack even more. And they continued making fun of him as he was on the phone with his mother, pathetically telling her how Alex took his laptop, and tablet, and how she was making him sleep in the guest room. Lynne just burst into laughter and cheered for Alex. Still pretending to whine to his mother, Matt wrapped his arm around Alex’s neck and kissed her curls. His heart was simply melting at the sound of her laughter and the sight of her smile.

 

The blonde woman took the first narrow alley to the left. She walked a bit more until she reached a playground. She headed directly towards a bench on which a man was sitting next to a little girl with light coloured and incredibly curly hair. The man turned his head and spotted her.

 

“Dianne!” Ralph looked so happy and relieved to have her there.

 

“Hello you two. How goes the day? Are you having fun, Vanessa?” Dianne smiled shaking the curls of the little girl. She took off her glasses and placed them on her hair.

 

“Mr. Daddy bought me a Barbie…” The little girl replied looking at Dianne with shy eyes.

 

“Ow, Vanessa! She is very beautiful. Just like you, darling.” Dianne sat on the bench next to them and pulled the girl on her lap.

 

“But she doesn’t look like me. She looks like you! Her hair is long and pretty and her legs look like your legs…” Vanessa whispered hugging Dianne. 

 

“Haha. Maybe a little… Are you enjoying your time with Daddy?”

 

“Mr. Daddy is a bit silent. But I think he is nice…” The girl said barely above whispering. 

 

“Oh, he is really nice indeed. But, Vanessa, you should call him only Daddy, not Mr. Daddy."

 

Ralph was looking at Dianne and Vanessa completely hopeless. Dianne looked at him and smiled before asking:

 

“So, what are the plans for today?”

 

“Ah, we were having a walk in the park, waiting for you to… tell us what to do…” Ralph said reluctantly. 

 

“Oh, but I will do no such thing. It’s your responsibility to organize your day.” Dianne giggled.

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“Very.” She nodded.

 

“Hm… Pff... Hm... Vanessa… what else do you want to do today?” Ralph asked clearing his voice.

 

The little girl just lifted her little shoulders and shook her head, but did not reply to his question.

 

“Vanessa, why are you sitting on the bench and not playing with the other children?” Dianne asked softly.

 

“Because Mr. Daddy didn’t say that I am allowed…” Vanessa replied on her usual shy tone.

 

“But I…” Ralph looked panicked at Dianne.

 

“But, Vanessa, if you didn’t ask… he had no idea you wanted to. You know, Daddy cannot read your mind. You have to ask when you want something, sweetheart.” Dianne said stroking the girl’s cheek.

 

“So, can I?” Vanessa asked Dianne.

 

“Don’t ask me. I am not the one who has to give you permission. I know that I met you quite a few times in these past months, but I am only your friend. He is your new Daddy. I was just helping your Daddy to get you out from the ugly house… He is a very good guy, and he really loves you, and he will prove it to you.”

 

Vanessa nodded at Dianne’s words and looked at Ralph.

 

“Mr. Daddy… can I play with the other children?”

 

“Of course you can, Vanessa… and please… call me only Daddy or Ral…”

 

“Nono…” Dianne interrupted him. “Daddy will do.”

 

“And… hm… hm… daddy?” Vanessa said reluctantly dropping the ‘Mr’. “Can I take the Barbie with me?”

 

“Of course… it’s yours.” He smiled.

 

“Thank you!!!” Vanessa jumped from the bench and ran towards the playground.

 

“Vanessa!” Dianne called her and the little girl turned to look at her. “You have to give a little kiss to your Daddy.”

 

Ralph smiled awkwardly and hugged the little girl who ran to him. Vanessa kissed him quickly and ran back to the playground. As soon as the girl was at a safe distance, Ralph left out a deep breath.

 

“I am terrified. Oh, heaven! I cannot do this… I am so stiff and awkward… so glad you are here.” Ralph confessed rolling his eyes.

 

“No worries. I am leaving soon. I just came to check on you and see if she slept well, if she was ok this morning. Did she cry? Any notable incidents?”

 

“No. Ever since you arrived with her last evening and she fell asleep, all was well. We just had breakfast and watched The Little Mermaid. Then we went to the toy store. Then we came to the park! All was good… I mean I thought it was. But I don’t get it. Why is she so silent and… I don’t know? We met before… She saw me before. We went out before, but she’s never acted so… she’s like scared… but I did nothing…” Ralph said burring his head into his hands.

 

“Well, all previous times you met her were with me and the social assistant present. Plus, she was suddenly transplanted from the UK, from an awfully administrated orphanage, with next to no private property into a new country, big house, her own room, expensive toys… of course she is scared and confused. And one Barbie is fine! But stop buying her with toys. That’s not how it’s done. Didn’t you learn anything at the courses I dragged your sorry arse to for the whole summer?”

 

“Yes, I did… but it’s so much more difficult in practice.” Ralph rolled his eyes.

 

“Well, no one said it would be easy.”

 

“Stay with us today…” Ralph begged.

 

“Of course I will not stay with you. That is not the point. You need to get to know each other. Today or tomorrow, or the day after… you will anyways have to spend your first day completely alone with her! It’s pointless to delay it and it will do her no good to have me around so much. Really, I only came because I wanted to see how you’re holding up... Ah, and to tell you that your publicist will call you soon.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“To tell you that he declined the two roles you got.”

 

“What??? Why?”

 

“Because you are on a break.” Dianne said naturally.

 

“Since when???” Ralph asked looking at her with small angry eyes.

 

“Since now. Vanessa is your number one priority. You need to bond with her, you need to gain her trust and her love. Your career is no longer the most important thing in your life, Ralph.”

 

“Yeah, I know… but I can still work…” Ralph insisted.

 

“You are on a break, I said. I’ll decide when you can work again and I will let you know.”

 

“Excuse me! You are neither my publicist, nor my lawyer!”

 

“No. I am the boss of your publicist, and the boss of your lawyer.”

 

“But you’re not the boss of me!” Ralph crossed his arms at his chest.

 

“I’ll let you maintain that illusion.” She laughed.

 

“Dianne… this is hard!” He said looking at the playground. He’s kept an eye on it, ever since Vanessa moved away from the bench, carefully watching her.

 

“Yes. It is! Terribly hard. You have a great responsibility now. Time to finally grow up! That child over there is your life now! You can do it Ralph… I know you can. Alex always trusted you could… prove it to her if not to yourself! It's not too late.”

 

“How will this ever work? The whole Alex thing? Now that I think about it again, I really cannot see how this will work! What if she will perceive it as a slap over her face? Like… you know I didn’t want children with her then? I start to believe that this is not at all about Alex… how did I let myself dragged into this?”

 

“It will work. Trust me.” Dianne insisted.

 

“But how???” Ralph demanded to know rolling his eyes.

 

“Ralph, did I ever let you down?”

 

“No…”

 

“Good. And I never will. I told you this plan will take time. Time and dedication. You focus on your relationship with Vanessa and I will deal with Alex and Matt. Look, I promise that those two will not get married. Don’t bother your head with it. Leave it on me. I have common friends with Alex. I will know when they get engaged, and I will stop it. That’s not yours to worry about." She assured him.

 

“Ok…” Ralph sighed and looked at Vanessa who was now playing with some other children. “She is so beautiful and kind but her eyes are so sad…”

 

“Yes. She’s suffered quite a bit in her little life… Take that away. The sadness. Fill her eyes with happiness and love. That’s what you have to do.”

 

“But I am not a good person… how will I do that?”

 

“Oh, Ralphy, children don’t care about our grown-up notions of good and bad as long as you’ll make her feel loved and safe… Do this and that child will perceive you as her hero. The way in which they understand the world is different. Their little universes revolve around themselves and their parents. She’s never had parents before… she’s never been anyone’s top priority before. She is somehow reluctant  to believe that you could do that for her. She might be a child, but her emotional intelligence definitely exceeds yours. She does not perceive you as the actual person you are. And she won’t for a long while. For her you’ll simply be Daddy. Think about it as a new role. Look, I lied. You still get to work, and this is the hardest part you’ll ever get: the Mr. Daddy role. Get an Oscar for it. Come on. You can.” Dianne said smiling sympathetically.

 

Ralph smiled as well and looked at Vanessa playing. “Yes… I can be her super-daddy-hero forever…”

 

“Well… Not forever. She will eventually grow up and start judging you for every single mistake you’ve committed… but you still have some good ten years until puberty.”

 

“Shut up. You’re ruining my mood.” Ralph rolled his eyes.

 

“Pleasure.” She grinned. “Ok, I’m going shopping.”

 

“Stay with us, we’ll have a fun day.” Ralph begged her again.

 

“It’s supposed to be a family day. Am I part of your family?” Dianne asked with a hint of hope in her eyes.

 

“Of course you’re not.” Ralph said laughing.

 

“Of course I’m not.” She repeated on a cranky voice and stood up immediately. “Bye. Call me if you need anything…”

 

“Wait… don’t you need money?” Ralph asked sarcastically.

 

“No. I don’t need your stupid money!” Dianne said snappily.

 

“Now that’s a first…” Ralph laughed and she dismissed him with a hand.

 

Dianne turned around and put her glasses on just in time to hide the tears which rolled down her cheeks.

 


	25. Follow the plan!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my sweeties! 
> 
> Any Gossip Girl watchers here? I truly hope so because I used a couple of scenes from the series finale in this chapter. 
> 
> In case you did not watch GG, I will explain the key elements of the final episode that I used in my story. *Attention: may contain spoilers, although 3 years after the series ended, I would hardly qualify my summary as spoiling material* So, after many seasons of playing cat and dog, two of the protagonists - Chuck and Blair - end up getting married in a very rushed up way just to avoid a terribly uncomfortable legal situation. Blair, a princess-wanna-be, planned her wedding ever since was a teenager. However, her love for Chuck and her desire to get him out of trouble were more powerful than her dream wedding plans... in a cheesy and shallow way this sums up everything worth knowing. Haha. Hope you'll enjoy the chapter. XoXo.

Saturday, October 18th, 2014. L.A. 

 

“This house is so quiet… it just does not feel like home…”

 

 _“Oh, my precious… you’ve been alone for three days. I am sure you can manage on your own for a couple more hours…”_ He chuckled.

 

“I honestly cannot!” Alex complained with a groan just to make him laugh for good.

 

_“Salome will arrive in a short while and I will be there for my birthday.”_

“I know… I know… it’s just… I hate when she stays with her dad for such a long period of time. And then when she finally comes back and we get the chance to spend some time together, you have to leave! And by the time you will come back she will have to leave again and so on… It’s just not fair!”

 

 _“Oh, come on. Don’t stomp your feet!”_ Matt joked. _“And don’t get your little heart filled with negative emotions! She will be in your arms soon. Right?”_

“Right.”

 

 _“Then just be happy. I love to know that you are happy. Nothing feels better than your happiness. Now, please tell me what you’re preparing for her.”_ Matt said with a smile.

 

“Well… are you sure you want to hear? Because if you’re living on take away again, you might not be able to take the deliciousness of it!” Alex said teasingly.

 

_“No, no. I came over to my parents’ house for the weekend. So… my mom is in charge with cooking. Therefore, I am treated and spoiled with proper food.”_

“I am happy to hear that. More than happy, in fact! I hate when you eat nonsense. So… back to my deliciousness. I made sushi. All sorts of maki and sashimi!!! I’ll snap you some pictures after we finish talking. And I made an amazing fruit salad, a delicious cheesecake with chocolate and Oreos, plus a fruit tart with berries!!!”

 

 _“Oh!!! No… I shouldn’t have askeeeeed…. MOOOOOOOOOOM! I want cheesecake!!!”_ Matt shouted imitating an annoying brat.

Alex started laughing: “Oh, shut up!”

 

 _“Make me!”_ He said on a perfect River-like tone.

 

“Oh, maybe I will…” She said imitating his Doctor voice.

 

_“Don’t start! Please! It’s been three days!”_

“Oh, the horror!” Alex teased.

 

_“Shush. Don’t be mean, Kingston. Because that is totally not cool. I miss you just as much as you miss me. Actually, I am fairly sure I miss you more!”_

“Oh really? Do you have anything to support your statement with?” She inquired with a provocative attitude.

 

 _“Yes… I do.”_ He answered on a matching sassy tone.

 

“Do share with the class…” Alex invited him.

 

 _“Oh, definitely not with the class. I’m fairly certain you’d much rather me not sharing the proof of my longing with anyone else but you!”_ He laughed.

 

“Matthew Robert Smith! You are incorrigible!” She said rolling her eyes.

 

They both laughed and teased each other for some minutes more, but then Alex had to shower and prepare herself for Salome’s arrival.

 

The day passed faster than Alex would have wanted. But she enjoyed every minute of her “girls day in” with her daughter. After the amazing brunch, the ladies moved to Salome’s room to rearrange her wardrobe. The adventure turned into a fashion show since the teenager started putting on all her clothes and making Alex vote whether to keep them or not. Simply unable to do anything else after the wardrobe makeover, the two decided to beg Netflix for some entertainment. Full of enthusiasm, Salome declared that they should rewatch the last ever episode of Gossip Girl. Alex protested for some good 15 minutes, but before she was able to find some really compelling arguments the _“Where’s she been Serene? And who am I…”_ bit was already on her TV’s screen. Defeated and with no right of reply, Alex threw herself on the sofa. Salome crawled in her arms and curled up at her mom’s chest. Feeling her daughter so close, Alex smiled, hugged her dearly and placed a kiss on her cheek. With such company, no TV show could be bad.

 

“I hate this episode so much… it is pretty lame! Pff!!” The teenager complained rolling her eyes as soon as the episode ended.

 

“You don’t hate it. You watch it all the time…” Alex laughed petting her daughter’s hair.

 

“Because it’s the series finale. I have to watch it! But, mommy, don’t you think it’s just lame? Everything is cramped there in a single episode and it just loses its mojo!”

 

“Well… that’s the point of most series finales. To ruin the whole series.” Alex laughed. Salome did not seem to find it that funny. She was laid on the sofa now, with her head on her mom’s lap.

 

“But everything is so wrong! For example… the worst thing – EVER – is the wedding of Chuck and Blair!”

 

“Oh, here we go again.” Alex said rolling her eyes. “Can you spare me the torture of hearing your speech for the billionth time?”

 

“But it’s true, mother. It’s true! That bit was the worst thing. They waited for so long to be together and the whole wedding was just ruined! Blair dreamt the perfect wedding for her entire life and then that scene… it’s just, no. Completely no! Completely ruined!” Salome groaned rolling her eyes.

 

“Sweetheart, when you are with the person you love the most, it really does not matter how the wedding evolves. Marriage is not about the wedding.”

 

“Oh, come on, mother! It totally matters!” Salome stood from the lying position, curled her legs beneath herself on the sofa, and looked intensively at her mother. “It matters, mother!”

 

“Really, it does not matter that much.” Alex contradicted her daughter.

 

“Mom, it’s a memory you can cherish for a lifetime!”

 

“But it’s the lifetime you have to care about!”

 

“But the wedding just sets the tone for that amazing lifetime!” Salome insisted.

 

“Please! My personal experience with weddings taught me otherwise.” Alex said shaking her head.

 

“None of your weddings were actually that big of a deal! No offence.”

 

“That is plain rude.” Alex pulled her tongue out.

 

“It’s true though!” Salome defended herself.

 

“Ok, ok. Then you tell me! Miss Wedding-Planner! How is a wedding supposed to go?” Alex challenged her daughter.

 

“Well, thank you for asking. Let me explain how things work, mother dear. The wedding starts with the proposal and the proposal has to be f.l.a.w.l.e.s.s.!!!”

 

“Good thing it does not start with the first date! Since it’s already 11 p.m. and it would take the entire night to reach the wedding stage…” Alex said sarcastically and rolled her eyes.

 

“Ha. Ha. Ha. You think you are so funny!” Salome replied on a typical fake-annoyed-teenager voice.

 

“Come on! Impress me. What about the proposal?” Alex laughed.

 

“The proposal has to be flawless and has to be every bit like the people involved in it. For example, just googling ‘special proposals’ and imitating that is simply lame! You have to put your soul into the proposal, you have to know what your special one would like to experience.” Salome said on a calm tone, stressing the importance of her words by gesticulating with both hands.  

 

“So the poor bloke has to be some sort of mind reader, fortuneteller?” Alex teased.

 

“That or he simply has to know how to find his way around his bride-to-be.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“Well, let’s take my case as an example…” Salome started.

 

“Your case??? Are you getting married????” Alex looked at her daughter with a funny expression.

 

“Eventually! But these things take planning.”

 

“Planning in advance? As in... for a couple decades?” Alex laughed even harder.

 

“The more the better!” Salome raised her hand with a ‘talk-to-the-hand’ attitude.

 

“Ok, Miss Snappy Sass. Tell me about this proposal.”

 

“Well. Anita, as my best friend, is in charge of manipulating… ah… guiding my husband-to-be through the process. She has a list of five specific things she must ensure the guy does. Because if he does not do everything as I plan it, then I will be terribly annoyed and decline his offer.”

 

Alex just rolled her eyes.

 

“Honestly. I will do just that. So, first on the list, he has to be completely sure I do not suspect anything… Second on the list… What now???” Salome asked when her mom raised her hand as if wanting to ask a question.

 

“Sorry. Quick question. Does your father know you’re planning your wedding at 13?” Then Alex just burst into laughter.

 

“We’re keeping this secret from, Dad. Ok?” Salome winked at her mom.

 

Alex nodded and nudged her to go on.

 

“Ok, so I was saying that, first, I should not suspect anything. Second, he has to make sure my manicure is done. I don’t want ugly nails while getting a diamond ring. Third, he has to make sure there is a photographer and a camera guy capturing the event. Four, he has to make sure my family and best friends are present. Five, the proposal has to be completely original…” Salome said counting her points on her left hand fingers.

 

“So… Let me see if I got this right.” Alex said looking at her daughter with a smirk. “You want your guy to make sure your nails are nicely done, you want him to hire big fancy cameras for a proper footage and professional photographs, you want him for no particular reason to invite all your friends and family at a completely unique event… and, despite all these details that scream in your face, you want to be completely oblivious about the reason behind the event because otherwise you’d just shame the poor guy in public?” She said laughing with tears.

 

“Yes, mother. What’s so funny?” Salome asked crossing her arms at her chest.

 

“Nothing besides the fact that your five points are contradicting each other, Salome!”

 

“No they are not!”

 

“Yes they are!” Alex said categorically nodding with her head.

 

“Fine, if you’re such a pro’, tell me how the perfect proposal should look like!!! Going to a restaurant, having dinner, getting a ring on your finger, and then going home?” Salome pulled her tongue out at her mom.

 

“Well… what’s wrong with that?”

 

“Nothing wrong, but nothing too right either! It’s a cliché! And clichés are not cool.” The teenager declared.

 

“Oh, and your five points aren’t a cliché?” Alex provoked her daughter. Trying to outsass each other was Alex’s favourite game, no matter how ridiculous the subject. In fact, she really enjoyed having that conversation with her daughter; she enjoyed observing how innocent and naïve the teenager still was.

 

“Not. They are not! But go on. Tell me. What would your perfect proposal look like?”

 

“Well, for starters, it has to be exactly as you said: very you-and-the-person-who’s-proposing. Something that defines your relationship. I wouldn’t mind knowing in advance. I mean, most probably I would figure out anyway, because the poor bloke would just have the stress of the moment written all over his face! And then I could play evil and exploit his nerves.”

 

“So you say you’d just want to go to a restaurant?” Salome insisted.

 

“Well, it happened like that with your father. And it was actually really nice! It had, however, a personal touch. Because he just recreated our first date, he even asked me to get dressed in the same outfit I wore at our first date. He obviously did the same himself. I was surprised he remembered… Well, it hadn’t been that much after our first date, anyway. So, we went to a restaurant and there he proposed. He had a parchment-like paper on which it was handwritten an article about this amazing actress – that being me. The article told the story of how the journalist writing it worshipped the actress and wished to spend his entire life with her… anyway. And the parchment was rolled and the ring took the place of the little bow holding the paper rolled. It was pretty cool and very romantic.”

 

“Sometimes I still get so sad that you two broke up… “ Salome confessed with a sad smile.

 

“I always get sad that we broke up when I think about you… but then, for both of us, this was the best way…”

 

“I know, I really know… anyway. It was a nice proposal… Do you still have the parchment?”

 

Alex shook her head. “No. Your dad should have it… If he kept it. I returned it with the ring…”

 

“Why did you return the ring?” Salome inquired raising an eyebrow.

 

“Because that’s what you’re supposed to do…” Alex replied chuckling.

 

“Hm… I see. But did dad kneel?”

 

“No, he did not.”

 

“That is so sad! Why didn’t he?” The teenager asked wrinkling her nose in disapproval.

 

“How am I supposed to know?” Alex laughed.

 

“But did you want him to?” Salome insisted.

 

Alex just lifted her shoulders and did not reply.

 

“Ok. Let’s put it this way… if you could have absolutely your dream proposal, how would that go, mom?”

 

“Why does it even matter?” Alex laughed.

 

“Well because I want to know how similarly we’re thinking…” Salome argued fluttering her eyelashes.

 

“Well, I am some decades older than you. Not that similarly, I can assure you. I can tell you for sure that none of your five points really matters for me…” Alex laughed.

 

“Then what does?” The daughter insisted.

 

“Well, ok. If you insist, I will tell you what young-Alex dreamt of and never got…”

 

“Yes please!!!” Salome smiled.

 

“When I was young and naïve, I always dreamt that my boyfriend would show up at my dad’s house and ask him for my hand in marriage. Then dad would put him to a lot of tests and give him a hell of a stressful day! During that day, the poor guy would change his mind several times, just to arrive at home in the evening and to conclude that I’m worth the ordeal… Then, some days later, with my father’s approval, a fancy suit, and an amazing ring… he would ask me for a fancy night out. Maybe theatre, or ballet, or opera. With seats somewhere in the balcony, because it’s so romantic and magical. Then we would go to a restaurant…” Alex said with dreamy eyes and Salome just rolled hers. “What is wrong with the restaurant???” Alex asked exasperated.

 

“Nothing is wrong with the restaurant.” Salome shook her head laughing and invited her mother to continue waving one hand.

 

“So we’d go to the restaurant, have champagne and dance… and he would propose on the dance floor.”

 

“Mother, how can you be so embarrassingly cheesy?”

 

“Hey! I said this is how I planned it when I was young and naïve!!!” Alex defended herself.

 

“And you’d completely dismiss it now?” Salome provoked her.

 

“Well… not completely…”

 

“What do you think Matt will do, you know… when proposing?”

 

“I don’t know… he’ll think of something. If he’s going to do it. But I do not really care. We’re more than fine the way we are.”

 

“That’s good…” Salome said with a half-fake smile.

 

“What do you mean by that?” Alex inquired with a suspicious look.

 

“Well, it’s good that you are ok with it like this…” Salome said as a matter of fact.

 

“Do you know something?” Alex wanted to know.

 

“No…” Salome replied hiding her eyes.

 

“Salome!” The mother said on a threatening voice.

 

“Well, not much. It’s not important and it really does not matter. Why are we even talking about weddings and proposals? I am 13, it’s not as if I know stuff!!! This is grown up stuff!”

 

“Well, don’t look at me!!! You started the conversation because of the Gossip Girl episode!” Alex accused.

 

“I thought it was a fun mother-daughter moment.” She laughed.

 

“Yes, it was a very fun mother-daughter moment…” Alex smiled and hugged her. “I will cry so much at your wedding!” She then confessed.

 

“I won’t invite you, then!” Salome laughed.

 

Alex rolled her eyes and playfully smacked her shoulder.

 

“Auch…” Salome laughed.

 

“Tell me what you know about Matt, please.” Alex insisted not distracted by her daughter’s attempt of diversion.

 

“Fine! I overheard a conversation he had with Karen. Matt said that he was not sure about marriage. That, as you said, he’s very happy with the situation like this. That he thinks he would jinx everything by asking you to marry him… and he does not want to risk it. He said that you freaked out in April and that he is scared and he will not propose anytime soon…”

 

Alex just rolled her eyes a bit. “I am really fine with it. Told you it does not really matter. It’s a piece of paper. It does not matter at all.”

 

“You’re reacting as if it mattered.” Salome giggled.

 

“No, I am not…”

 

“Yes you are!!! You said way too many times that you’re fine with it.” Salome accused.

 

“That’s because I am fine with it.” Alex forced a laughter.

 

“Ok. Be it your way. You’re the parent!” Salome laughed.

 

“Thanks heaven!!! 13 years later and she finally understood the most compelling parental argument!!!” Alex crossed her hands together and looked at the ceiling. Salome just pulled her tongue out and laughed some more. 

 

“Can I have some more cheesecake now?” She asked.

 

“Yes… I actually want some as well… then maybe we should go to bed because it’s very late already.” Alex smiled.

 

“Yes!!! But I will take a bubble bath first. Is that ok?”

 

“Of course it is, but please don’t spend much time online after that. I hate it when you get to bed at 2 a.m.” Alex said standing up and helped her daughter do the same.

 

“Promise I will just take the bubble bath and be in bed by 1ish something.”

 

Alex nodded and wrapping an arm around her daughter’s shoulder led her to the kitchen for some midnight desert.

 

Salome took her time in the bath-tube. As soon as she finished and wrapped her hair in a towel, she sneaked out of her room and into her mom’s. She carefully check if Alex was sleeping. When she made sure her mom was sound asleep, the teenager went back to her own room and locked the door. She then picked her phone from the desk and dialed a numbered.

 

“Morning, Matty!” Salome said with a smile. “Did I wake you up?” She asked although by her calculations it was already morning enough in the UK.

 

 _“Night, poppet. You didn’t wake me up that much…”_ Matt replied lying.

 

“Listen! I have all you need to know!” Salome said very excited.

 

_“Really??? How?”_

 

“Oh, well… I manipulated the whole situation with a well-timed and well-themed episode from Gossip Girl. Then I used my flawless scheming skills to invent the most ridiculous proposal scenario in order to nudge her into contradicting me. Which obviously happened. Therefore, I have the perfect marriage proposal for you. I will write it down first thing in the morning and send you a very detailed email.” The teenager declared proudly.

 

 _“You are a genius!”_ Matt said with a huge smile on his sleepy face.

 

“Yes, I am. But listen… Mom might be a bit cross with you.” She laughed.

 

_“What? Why?”_

 

“Because I might have mentioned that you got cold feet and did not want to marry her anymore.” Salome confessed.

 

 _“WHAT??? Why would you do that???”_ Matt said jumping off bed.

 

“Well… firstly, because I simply couldn’t miss a perfect opportunity to create trouble for you.”

 

 _“You little DALEK!”_ Matt accused walking towards the window.

 

“I know, right?” She laughed. “But most importantly, I said it to set mom off the trail. So she would not suspect anything. Will you still do it as planned? On your first anniversary?”

 

 _“Yes, on November 24 th.”_ Matt said with a grin.

 

“Perfect! But there is something more you need to do while on that side of the pond.”

 

 _“What would that be?”_ Matt inquired on a curious tone.

 

“You have to take Oppa out for a fantastic day and ask for his permission to marry mom.” Salome declared with a smirk.

 

 _“What??? No… no way! Definitely not!”_ Matt said shaking his head.

 

“Hey! That’s what mom wants! You simply have to do it!” The teenager insisted.

 

_“But I know nothing about your grandfather!!! The only time I met your grandparents was such an awfully awkward situation. Although they were way nicer with me that my mom was with Alex, I am sure they liked me and approved of me way less than my parents approved of your mom!”_

 

“That’s because mom has a solid history of bad relationship choices! It’s not you, it’s her! Really. Oppa is a sweetheart darling!!! You have to do that! Go ask for permission. Be a nice boy! Do what mom wants!” Salome said with a compelling attitude.

 

_“Fine… I will… Fine!! I will. Just tell me what your grandpa likes and I will organize the day exactly according to his taste.”_

 

“Perfect. Just brilliant! I will include this in the email! Did you find the ring?” Salome inquired.

 

 _“No… I did not. I cannot seem to find the proper one.”_ Matt said rolling his eyes.

 

“You had one job!!! You are so useless! What is the whole purpose of you???” Salome said annoyed.

 

 _“Hey! You’re just as rude as your mother is!”_ Matt accused.

 

“Seriously? You dare accusing me??? I took notes for your proposal, I will organize the day out with Oppa. I am in charge with everything!!! The least you can do is find the perfect ring and follow the instruction accordingly. Then go on one knee and propose to mom!”

 

_“Yes, boss, I will do that… but it’s not that easy…”_

 

“What’s not easy, Matthew???” Salome asked imitating perfectly her mom’s annoyed tone.

 

Matt was too focused on his conversation with Salome to notice the door of his bedroom slowly opening behind him and his mother sneaking in.

 

_“Well… a woman like your mother deserves the best of everything. I want the proposal to be perfect and that includes not only your absolutely flawless planning skills, but also the perfect ring… I need a perfect ring before going down on one knee…”_

_“What??? Are you going to propose to that woman???”_ Lynne asked dropping the coffee mug on the floor.


	26. "That woman"

_“What??? Are you going to propose to that woman???” Lynne asked dropping the coffee mug on the floor._

\----------------------------------

 

Matt turned around in a heartbeat, still holding the phone. His eyes went wide and a spark of utter anger filled them within seconds. He stared at his mother who crossed her arms and violently shook her head.

 

“Salome, I will call you back when you wake up.” Matt told the teenager.

 

“Something wrong, Matty?” She asked slightly confused.

 

“Nothing much. Just my mom throwing a tantrum.” Matt replied bitterly. 

 

Lynne narrowed her eyes in annoyance before storming out of the room slamming the door for all it was worth.

 

“Oh, haha! If I don’t know a thing or two about mothers and tantrums… then I have no idea who does.” Salome tried to tease, but Matt didn’t seem to be impressed by her joke.

 

“Sleep well, Poppet.” He said instead of replying anything to her words.

 

“Thank you… And Matt, we miss you!” She said softly.

 

“Me too… I miss you too. I really have to run. I’ll call you tomorrow. Thank you for all the help. Please send the email, ok?” Matt said in a rush before ending the conversation and storming out of his room as well.

 

“MOTHER!” He shouted while running down the stairs, following Lynne into the kitchen. She was at the sink, water running, pretending to wash a plate. Matt knew his mother well enough to be aware that a wrong word was all it took for that plate to end on the floor shuttered to pieces. But he did not care. In fact, he wanted that plate on the floor! He was as angry as she was so he could not care less about broken glass.

 

“ _That woman_???” Matt said through clenched teeth. 

 

“You want to propose???” Lynne demanded to know turning around. She was holding the plate in one hand. Narrowed eyes.

 

“ _THAT WOMAN_???” Matt shouted narrowing his eyes as well. He was so not going to let her get away with it. 

 

“When were you about to tell me???” 

 

“You called her _THAT WOMAN_?!?!?!?!”

 

“MARRIAGE??? Marriage??? Do you have anything in that brain of yours???” Lynne shouted as well.

 

Before any of them was able to say/shout something else, David entered the kitchen in a rush. He was holding a folded newspaper in one hand and his coffee mug in the other. His favourite Sunday morning activity had just been interrupted by his son shouting at his wife and his wife shouting back at his son. Nothing completely new. That used to happen every now and then, actually – when the boy was a teenager!!! More than a decade ago!!! Whatever sparked his outburst of anger must have been serious.

 

“What happened?” He asked with an expression of utter perplexity on his face.

 

“ _THAT WOMAN_?”

 

“MARRIAGE?????”

 

“ _THAT WOMAN_!!!” Matt shouted even louder.

 

“Matthew!!! Enough!” David intervened. “Stop that! What happened?” He demanded again.

 

“Mother happened! That’s what happened!!!” Matt replied bitterly. 

 

“Your son wants to get married!” Lynne contradicted him equally bitter.

 

“Mother called Alex _‘that woman’_!!! As if she is a piece of nothing I found on the street!”

 

“I didn’t mean it as an insult!” Lynne excused herself still boiling with anger.

 

“Oh, really??? Because it sounded like one to me. _That woman_? _That woman_!!!” Matt repeated imitating his mother tone and adding a layer of annoyed sass. His defying attitude made Lynne flip even more. 

 

“Are you kidding me????” Lynne said throwing the plate on the floor. They all held their breaths for a second as the plate hit the ground, but then Lynne continued on her angry tone: “I am asking you about crucial matters! Matthew! Matters that will change your entire life and you rage at me over semantics????” 

 

“Semantics??? SEMANTICS??? It’s not about fucking semantics, mother!!!” He raged.

 

“Matthew!!! Don’t you dare to swear in front of your mother!!!” David intervened slamming the newspaper on the kitchen’s table and staring at Matt with a look of utter disapproval. 

 

“Sorry, Dad! I didn’t mean it as an insult!” Matt replied imitating his mother and then crossed his arms.

 

“I didn’t say it THAT WAY! Stop overreacting.” Lynne said moving a couple of steps towards him, which made Matt back off, somehow scared that she was about to hit him.

 

“I am not the one overreacting!” Matt said trying to calm down – not very successfully. “You were the one not even knocking when you entered my room and went all bonkers dropping the coffee on the floor and calling the woman I LOVE _‘that woman’_. _That woman_! How could you call her like that?”

 

“STOP GOING ON AND ON WITH THE DAMN THING!!! That’s not at all important!” Lynne shouted at him.

 

“Lynne!!!” David replied nicely placing his mug on the table and going towards his wife to calm her down.

 

“Not that important? IT’S VERY IMPORTANT!”

 

“Matthew!!! Stop it. Just stop it you two! I’ve had enough! Stop shouting at each other. NOW!” David said harshly looking at them both in a threatening way.

 

“Look at your son, David! Jumping at my throat for caring about his future!”

 

“No! I am jumping at your throat for… for… ARGHHH!” Matt grabbed his head into his palms. He breathed in and out for several moments. When he looked at his mother again, a deep sadness had replaced the anger in his eyes. “How could you, Mother???”

 

“Honestly, I am sorry, I didn’t mean it that way! Get over it!” Lynne replied still maintaining her offensive attitude.

 

“Get over it? How can I get over it???” Matt replied with his voice almost breaking. That made Lynne leave out a huge sigh and roll her eyes.

 

“It was a bad wording, ok???”

 

“The bad wording is not what bothers me, mother! It’s you thinking it! That is what bothers me. The fact that you lied! The fact that you pretended these past months…” Matt began but Lynne interrupted him before he could finish expressing his thoughts.

 

“I did what???”

 

Matt felt like crying. But hell he was not going to cry in front of his parents just because his mother hurt his feelings.

 

“You lied mother, you lied! You lied, you faked, you pretended. You made me believe you liked Alex, you made me believe you were happy for us… How could you? How can you even do this? You call her every single week at least once! Not me! Not us! You call her, on her mobile phone and chat with her for a good half an hour! How can you do that and pretend to care when you so obviously don’t?” Matt said on a terribly sad tone.

 

“I do care, Matthew! What got into you, darling? I am not faking it! I do care.” Lynne tried to defend herself. She looked at David for support, but his husband was not particularly eager to get involved into their fight.

 

“Really? You care? How can you call her _‘dear’_ and _‘darling’_ every single time when you talk to her and then call her _‘that woman’_ behind her back?”

 

“IT WAS A BAD WORDING!!!” Lynne shouted again starting crying.

 

“You totally meant it. Deep down, you totally meant it, mother!” Matt insisted shaking his head and sighing. 

 

“Matthew! It’s not at all like that. I like Alex! I really like Alex! I love her as a person! She is fantastic. She is an absolutely amazing woman! She has a great personality and a strong character. I love her. Really. I do… I just don’t like her as your girlfriend. I wish you two would share another sort of relationship! A great friendship, for example. But not this romantic affair. Because you two cannot last… what do you want to do? Break her heart again? Matt, she’s been through so much! She needs stability, not your consuming and passionate love. Because this is just a phase, Matthew. Listen to your mother. Mother knows best!” Lynne said on the sweetest voice, holding her hands joint together as if pleading for his life.

 

“A phase??? Did you just…” Matt’s sadness was once again replaced by anger. He looked properly mad and glared at her. Then he turned his attention to his father: “Did she say it’s just a phase… please tell me she did not say that!”

 

“Matthew… you are too angry right now. And so is your mother. She is not thinking straight. Please, let’s just drop the topic for now, before you two end up hurting each other.” David tried to mediate the situation.

 

“A phase??? This is not a phase!” Matt insisted angrily.

 

“Matthew! When you eventually find someone else, what will happen to Alex?” Lynne asked punctuating every word.

 

“MOTHER! How dare you??? Heaven! How dare you? What did I ever do in this life to have everyone believing I will cheat on Alex??? Are you all out of your mind??? I would rather die than do that!!! How can you, my own mother, believe something so low of me?”

 

“I don’t… it’s just…”

 

“You don’t??? How can you even say you don’t when you just did!” Matt accused her.

 

“Lynne… drop it. Please!” David intervened again since the quarrel was already getting out of hand.

 

“I cannot believe you just said that! You, my mother! I cannot believe it…”

 

“Matt, I won’t allow you to…”

 

“You what?” Matt looked at her with narrow eyes.

 

“Lynne. Stop it right there!” David cautioned her.

 

“No! I will not shut up. Because I only want his happiness! Because he has to understand!” Lynne insisted.

 

“Mother! Let’s make one thing clear! I don’t need your permission to marry Alex… what the hell! Screw that! I don’t even need your approval!” He turned around and stormed out of the kitchen as Lynne broke into tears once again.

 

“Matthew!!! Matthew, where are you going???” She shouted after him.

 

“None of your business!” He shouted back. 

 

“Matthew!” She tried to follow him out of the kitchen but her husband grabbed her hand.

 

“Leave him, Lynne. He’s angry…”

 

“But he cannot leave like this… he promised he would stay two days more! I cooked…” Lynne said crying as her husband hugged her tightly.

 

“Lynne… just leave it this way.” David said softly, rubbing her back. “He needs to clear his head. You cannot reason with him now… Come on. Have a seat. I’ll make us some nice warm tea…”

 

Lynne sat at the kitchen’s table and let her head fall on it. She grabbed her head with her arms. David rolled his eyes and let out a big sigh. He placed a hand on Lynne’s back moving it in circles to make her calm down. Then he turned around and put the kettle to boil. They could hear an angry Matt packing the few clothes he brought with him and preparing to leave.

 

“He’s going to be fine…” David said placing a cup in front of her and filling it with water.

 

“He hates me…” Lynne said through sobs.

 

“Oh, dearling. Don’t overreact. This is not the first time you get into a massive fight with Matt and he packs his stuff to leave. The only difference now, is that he actually owns a flat and can indeed leave. But he always comes around… plus… it was really your fault on so many levels.”

 

“But no one understands…” Lynne insisted raising her head from the table and staring at the tea mug.

 

“Come on, drink your tea. Calm down. And after that maybe we will all listen to each other and everyone will eventually understand.”

 

Lynne nodded and did as told. In less than 10 minutes, Matt returned to the kitchen with his backpack on one shoulder.

 

“Ok… I will go back to London. I have… stuff to do.” He said looking at his father and completely avoiding his mother’s gaze. 

 

“Matt… please, don’t go like this. Let’s talk.” She said trying hard not to cry again.

 

“Honestly, mom, I am not in the mood. Nothing will make me feel better about you lying to me. Your acceptance of my relationship meant the world for me… I cannot explain in words how blessed I felt to have your approval in what concerns my relationship with Alex. I valued your approval dearly… but as I said earlier, I ultimately do not need it.” Matt sounded terribly sad. He looked for a couple more seconds into his mother’s eyes, and then he turned to face his father. “Dad, sorry again for swearing in front of mom.”

 

“That was not nice, son. Please don’t ever do it again. And give us a call when you arrive, ok?”

 

Matt tried to crack a smile and nodded. 

 

“David! Make him stay!” Lynne said grabbing her husband’s arm.

 

“I will do no such thing, my dear. Careful while driving, son. Don’t rush.” David said on an even and calm voice.

 

“Yes, father.” Matt said looking at his very sad mom. “Bye, mom.” He said rolling his eyes and walking out the kitchen.

 

“Matthew…” Lynne said with tears streaming down her face. Matt rolled his eyes and stopped. He could not leave her like that. He groaned and turned around. Matt walked to the table and kissed his mom on one cheek.

 

“I’ll call you later! I need to calm down a bit and analyze everything. Give me some space please… I love you mom…” He said sighing. Matt hugged his father who patted him encouragingly on the back. Then he turned around and left the kitchen again.

 

Lynne drank her tea in silence. David sat next to her and grabbed his newspaper and cold coffee again. He did not feel like pushing his wife into talking. She needed a bit of time and he knew that she would eventually explain herself. Explain why she did what she did; why she said what she said. Almost twenty minutes later she sighed and looked at David, who looked back at her, folded the newspaper and placed it on the table.

 

“I didn’t mean it that way…”

 

“I know, sweetheart. But you said it…”

 

“I was just surprised when I heard it and my mouth started talking by itself… I did not think it that way… it just… got out.” She confessed sadly.

 

“I know. I know it very well and Matt knows it as well. In fact, he even said it. The reason for which he got so upset was exactly the fact that you just spoke the words. It was an unconscious and uncontrolled reaction. This is what bothered him. This is why he believes you think badly of Alex deep down.”

 

“But it’s not true!” Lynne said shaking her head. “I like Alex… that’s why I call her. That’s why I want to hear from her. She’s fun and lovely and caring…”

 

“Then why are you like this, Lynne?” David wanted to know.

 

“I am not _like this_! I could easily be Alex’s best friend. I would love that! I actually want that.”

 

“What stops you? Because from where I am standing, nothing stops you from being on the friendliest terms with your daughter-in-law.”

 

“Daughter-in-law? Do you even hear how it sounds? She’s almost my age! I cannot take her seriously as my daughter-in-law! It’s my baby we’re talking about. Would you be ok with Laura dating a man your age?”

 

“What? Laura is not your baby?” David tried to laugh, but Lynne just got offended.

 

“Oh! Could everyone for a moment stop misinterpreting and overly analyzing all my words???”

 

David rolled his eyes and muttered an apology. Then he cleared his voice and continued:

 

“What is the point of your comparison, actually? There is no difference between a boy and a girl and the partners they choose. I would be as happy for Laura and her man-of-choice, as I am for Matt and his lovely fiancé-to-be. Age is just…”

 

“Don’t go all age-is-just-a-number on me, David! It’s not the actual number that bothers me, it’s the generational difference! It’s the difference of perception, of life experience, of mentality. It’s not even about the fact that I will never have grandchildren. Deep down I always felt my spawns would let me down on that level. Their choice! Their lives. But I don’t want them to make such horrible mistakes full heartedly!”

 

“Lynne… Their choice, their lives does not apply only to whether they want or not children. It applies to everything in their lives, including the choice of partner. Matt and Alex have been living together for more than half a year. Honestly, what did you expect? For him to walk out on her? Give the boy some credit! He loves the woman. He loves her beyond reason and despite the whole world. I believe in my son and his feelings. I honestly believe that his heart will always be loyal to _that woman_ …” David said smiling. “If what you just said is true, if you honestly believe it… then you should be head over moon that your son won the heart of someone you would happily call your best friend… and there is so much more than just this. Do you want me to tell you what I believe about the whole situation with Matt and his better half and where we fit in this story?”

 

Lynne nodded and looked deep into her husband’s eyes as he started talking on his calming and even voice. Somehow his voice combined with the words he was saying felt like poetry.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Alex was preparing her morning coffee when she heard the doorbell. She placed the empty mug on the counter and went to open the door. It was a delivery man offering her a huge bouquet of white flowers. Alex smiled biting her lower lip. She hugged the bouquet to her heart and thanked the messenger. She went back inside and placed her beautiful flowers in her favourite vase. Then she took the card which was waiting for her. On the small envelop stood only three words:

 

_For that woman._

 

Alex frowned, a bit surprised by the choice of words. But she eagerly opened the card to read her note.

 

_I doubt I ever told you, but you are that woman for whom I would happily defy the entire world. “I miss you” does not even begin to describe what I feel when you are away. One more week and I will come home swimming if I have to._

_I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:   
> I know nothing about the relationship between Matt and his parents; I derived the idea of this chapter from the very rare but extremely intense fights between my little brother and mom. When they fight, me and dad... well, we hide! Haha. 
> 
> I would also like to thank you all for still being with me. I know that the story is getting pretty long and that it's not particularly the most cheerful or fluffy one. This is why I want to reiterate how much your support means to me. Thank you all. Xx


	27. “There’s a question I need to ask…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweeties. I want to apologize for not posting in such a long time. I had a couple of very busy weeks and this chapter was particularly difficult to write (in a good way). I was never completely satisfied with it. I think I am now. So I really hope you will like it. If anyone catches diabetes because of this chapter... I am really sorry. Xx

Friday, October 24th, 2014. London. 

 

Matt was pacing in front of the mirror. Nothing looked good enough! He changed a couple of ties, then put on a bow-tie – took it off, it was too fancy. Maybe even the tie was too fancy. Or not… maybe he should go for the bow-tie after all. Matt put his bow-tie back. He had no idea what he was doing anymore. The stress levels were rising by the minute.

 

Matt looked at the dark screen of his phone and rolled his eyes.

 

 _~ Thank you so very much for the help, Salome! Ahem, no! ~_ He thought sarcastically rolling his eyes.

 

The teenager had promised to help him organize a perfect evening out with her grandfather. She actually seemed very enthusiastic and sworn to come up with some terribly good ideas. Matt waited for those ideas, but they never came. And the time had been so short!!! Everything happened so quickly. He barely found out about the whole asking for permission idea on Sunday morning, then his mother made a huge drama about the whole marriage proposal, then he ran away to London, then he spent his whole Sunday with his mind away because of the conflict with his mother, then nothing was good enough in terms of shopping and then Salome got annoyed with him… They last spoke on Monday evening over phone-skype. The teenager was beaming when she called, but then she asked to see the engagement ring. When Matt reluctantly confessed that he didn’t have one, his little accomplice got seriously annoyed:

 

_“Matt!!! Seriously??? It’s been two days already. When I called you on Saturday in the middle of the night to tell you I managed to extract the best of info from mom, you said you would go shopping and find a ring a.s.a.p!!! And it’s been two days and you still have no ring???”_

_“I know, Sals… but it’s not that easy…”_

_“It’s a ring! How hard can it be??? You’ve been looking for rings for one month now! Honestly. Nothing is good enough in LA, nothing is good enough on the internet, nothing is good enough in London! Nothing will ever be enough. Just get a ring!!!”_

_“I know… but... Look, I will find a ring. I promise. I swear! It’s not as if I will propose without a ring. Now tell me your plan about me asking your grandpa for your mom’s hand in marriage, please.”_

_“Ahem? What about no!”_ Salome replied sassily. 

_“What?”_ Matt said starting to panic a little.

 

_“No. I really won’t tell you anything! You had one job! You deal with grandpa alone, now!”_

_“Salome, you must be kidding me! It’s Monday and I have to meet him on Friday, or latest on Saturday. Because then I have to fly back to LA for my birthday. It’s already October 20 th already! My birthday is in one week… come on, for me!!! It’s me!!!”_

_“Really not my business.”_

_“You little Dalek!!! Don’t do this to me.”_

_“Do you have a ring?”_

_“No… but…”_

_“Then deal with grandpa alone!”_

_“Salome Violetta Hae…”_

_“Oops… mom is calling. Bye!!!”_

_“Don’t you dare, Sals! Don’t hung up on me!”_

_“Bye, bye, Sweetie!!!”_

_“Salome you will pay for this!!!”_

_“Shush and go buy a ring!”_

_“GRRR!!!”_

 

And that was that. With Salome refusing to help him unless he found a ring, Matt was left alone with the extremely difficult task of organizing a perfect evening for his father-in-law-to-be. Reluctantly, Matt called to Alex’s parents’ house on Tuesday morning. After a long and embarrassing phone conversation – during which Matt stumbled over words and mumbled random useless things – he eventually got the courage to ask Anthony Kingston whether he wanted to join him for a Friday night at a fancy casino. Surprisingly, the older man accepted without questioning the reasons behind the unexpected request. Naturally, Matt stressed even more due to Anthony’s mellow reaction. Matt was sure that the older man suspected - oh, so well!!! - what everything was about…

 

All in all Matt ended up having a terribly stressing week. He did not manage to properly make things right with his mother, although they spoke on the phone. Salome was not replying to his skype calls. She was sending him random snaps on what's app and snapchat asking about the ring and pulling her tongue out when he had to confess that there was still no ring. Then he had to pretend in front of Alex that he actually had work commitments. Then he had to put everything in order for Friday… and hell, when did Friday arrive already???

 

He looked again in the mirror. He could hear his brain veins pulsing. How was he going to ask? How is one even supposed to ask a father for permission to steal his daughter? What will her mother say, by the way? What if her father says no? What if Alex doesn’t actually want that? What if they will kick him out of the house? What if his mother called Alex meanwhile? What if Alex knows everything and she's very cross? What if…

 

Matt got suddenly startled from his ‘what if’ panic attack when his phone started ringing. He looked at the screen just to see that it was the private hire company number. Oh, heaven! That meant the car was already downstairs waiting for him.

 

Matt looked once more into the mirror: the suit looked ok, and the bow tie seemed a good decision after all. He nodded to himself. Yes, he could do it!

 

He left his bedroom and went to the living room from where he picked the small presents he bought for Alex’s parents. Then he went downstairs and with his racing heart and trembling body entered the private hire and left London to go a bit down south, in Surrey.

 

Matt arrived at Alex’s parents’ house a bit after 6:30 p.m. He had a big bouquet of flowers in one hand and two present bags in the other. His racing heart suddenly stopped when he pressed the buzzer. Then he waited for a good full minute before Alex’s mom opened the door for him.

 

“Good evening, Mrs. Kingston.” Matt said with a wide and bright smile.

 

“Good evening, Matthew. Please do come in.” Margarethe said with a polite smile.

 

“Thank you.” Matt added stepping inside the cozy residence of his future in-laws. “These are for you, Mrs. Kingston.” He said with the same bright smile while offering her the amazing bouquet of colourful flowers and one of the present bags, which was containing a big box of fancy Belgian chocolate.

 

“Oh, so considerate of you. But you shouldn’t have.” She said softly receiving the flowers.

 

“Oh, please. It was my utter pleasure.” Matt assured her.

 

“Come to the living room. Anthony will be ready soon.”

 

Matt followed Margarethe to the living room. It was not the first time he was there, since he’s visited Alex’s parents on three or four more occasions with her. However, being there without Alex was beyond weird and awkward. Even more than that! Being there without Alex, while he was wearing a suit and a bow tie waiting to go out on a men-date with her father… that was beyond intimidating!

 

“I thought you preferred white flowers. Please have a seat on the sofa.” Margarethe said startling him. When Matt looked at her, he saw that she was nicely arranging her flowers into a beautiful vase.

 

“Ah… ah… I do like white flowers. Yes.” Matt said softly then cleared his voice and tried to play it cool. He did not want to look as terrified a puppy as Alex looked when she first met his mother. No, he was going to be a cool grown up man!

 

“I am a man who really loves flowers regardless of colour and type. Indeed, my favourite flowers are the white ones… But nowadays I associate them only with Alex. It’s one of our little things.” Matt confessed sitting on the sofa and trying to look relaxed.

 

“I know… she mentioned it several times. Don’t get me wrong. I love this bouquet. Personally I prefer colourful flowers. But I was just curious if you made a point of never offering white flowers to someone who’s not my daughter.”

 

“That’s pretty much the case. Yes.” Matt said beaming.

 

Margarethe just laughed still arranging her flowers. When she was finally satisfied with the way in which the vase looked, she turned around to face him and, with a smile still, on she approached the armchair that was closest to the sofa on which Matt was seated.

 

“So, you’re going to propose to Alex.” She said sitting on the armchair and looking intensely at him.

 

“Ah…” Matt began but Margarethe interrupted him with a giggle:

 

“It was a statement. Not a question.”

 

“Ah. Yes. Yes. It was a statement… and yes… I will.” Matt said turning all red.

 

“You know, I had quite thing against you.” Margarethe confessed.

 

“I know… I mean I noticed, I even mentioned it to Alex.” Matt said with a guilty grin. “Hold on… _had_???”

 

Margarethe just laughed. “Oh, you noticed then? And I thought I was ever so polite.”

 

“You are very polite. But, things can be felt. There’s sometimes something in the air. But you said _‘had’_. I noticed that as well. Past tense. Should I even hope to get the acceptance of my mother-in-law-to-be?”

 

“Cheeky boy!” Margarethe chuckled and playfully hit him over his shoulder.

 

“Always, Mrs. Kingston.” Matt said chuckling as well.

 

“I did not know you had so much courage under your sleeves.”

                                                                                                                

“I don’t… I really don’t. But I’m an actor.”

 

Margarethe laughed hard at that line.

 

“You may have indeed acquired the well-deserved acceptance of your mother-in-law. No need to keep on trying to tame the shrew.”

 

“Oh, thank you. That is just… brilliant.” Matt said clapping his hands like a child, completely forgetting to be the cool grown-up man he tried to portray.

 

“Really? Did you just admit that you consider me to me a shrew?” Margarethe frowned at him.

 

“What?” Matt said confused. Then he tried to think back at what Margarethe said and pulled a terrified look when he realized how his last line sounded. “Mrs. Kingston… I never… I swear… I never…”

 

Margarethe just started laughing again. “Just teasing you. Do you want some chocolate from the one you bought? And maybe some home-made wine of mine. I saw you came with a private hire, so definitely not driving tonight.”

 

Matt exhaled relaxing. “Yes, that would be nice. Thank you. I do love your wine.”

 

Margarethe stood up and went to fetch the wine and the chocolate. She returned with two glasses handing one to Matt. Then she put hers on the small coffee table while opening the chocolate box.

 

“Oh, these pralines are heaven! I love them. Please, help yourself.” She said smiling.

 

“Thank you.” Matt said taking a piece of chocolate. When he saw that Margarethe was not resuming her seat on the armchair, he also followed suit and stood up. Margarethe smiled at the fact that he had such good powers of observation.

 

“Cheers.” She said raising her class.

 

“Cheers.” Matt said smiling.

 

After each took a sip from their wines, Margarethe politely invited him to sit again. Matt smiled and made a mental note to officially consider that evening the most follow-all-the-rules-of-society experience of his life.

 

“I said _had_ because you completely won me over with this little evening you planned.” She confessed while they were both comfortably sitting on their spots again.  “I can assure you from now that it means the world to Anthony. Don’t you dare to tell him I said this! But he’s been preparing for this evening ever since you called him on Tuesday. He’s ready for more than an hour now, but the silly old man just plays hard to get. He made a point from making you wait for a while. But really, Matthew, this was very considerate of you. He’s always wanted this… Alex, being the first child, she’s always been Anthony's precious baby girl. He really suffers a lot whenever some guy hurts Alex. When it comes to Alex, he’s that sort of overly protective father. So watch out! He might give you a hard time tonight. Well, he will try. Not likely that he will succeed, because trust me: he appreciates it.” Margarethe said winking at him as if they were accomplices.

 

“Oh… thank you. But this actually is… well. You see, I really have to be honest because I cannot just take credit for everything myself. I really want the wedding and the proposal to be everything Alex dreamt of. So I have this very well designed plan with Salome. We very subtly wanted to extract valuable information from Alex in what concerns her desires. And it was Alex who mentioned that she always wanted her husband-to-be to traditionally ask for her hand in marriage… it was all Salome and Alex. I cannot take credit for anything.”

 

“Oh, you are such a sweetheart. You see, this is why I changed my mind. I do not say that I am not worried about your future and quite a fairly bit disturbed by my daughter’s lack of common sense while choosing her partners… and this isn’t  in any way an affront to you as a person, but an affront to your age.”

 

“I know…”

 

“As I said, as a person, you just proved to be a lovely darling. And I do approve and I do appreciate this. It does not matter that it was not your idea. What matters is that you are eager to go through with it. And even more than this. The fact that you so openly and eagerly involved my granddaughter in all this process of organizing the proposal and the wedding is simply priceless. You give the child a sense of belonging. You make her feel important and part of your future little family with Alex. You don’t push her aside, stealing her mother. You embrace both of them. And for this you have my deep respect.”

 

Matt bit his lower lip and his eyes got all teary. He really did not know what to say. He was so moved he felt like shading some tears – which would have not been manly at all.

 

“Mrs. Kingston… I don’t even know what to say. Thanking you for your words would not even begin to express what I feel now.”

 

“No worries. Don’t bother with words. The tears in your eyes amuse me enough.” She teased.

 

Before Matt could even protest at her words, they could hear the dormitory room being closed upstairs. Matt stood up from the sofa immediately.

 

“Here, darling. Let me help you with that.” Margarethe said standing up as well and moving towards him. She nicely straightened his bow tie before softly placing her palm on one of his cheeks and leaning to kiss him very maternally on the other.

 

Matt smiled and looked at her with his heart filled with affection. He could so easily see Alex in her mother. And he completely loved that. It was the same warm feeling as when he was able to recognize bits of Alex within Salome. Being able to spot these small family resemblances made him feel as part of that family already.

 

Alex’s father just entered the living room as Margarethe moved a couple of steps away from Matt.

 

“Good evening, Matthew.” He said offering his hand to Matt for a shake.

 

“Good evening, Mr. Kingston.” Matt said shaking his hand and smiling. “This is for you…” He continued offering Anthony the second present bag.

 

“Thank you.” The man said peeking inside. “Oh, dear! I love this scotch! You have some fine taste.”

 

“I am so glad to hear you like it, Mr. Kingston.” Matt smiled.

 

“I would offer you some, but I know I am already quite late. There was a problem with the shower.”

 

“Oh, no worries about that. We’re not in any hurry. Take all the time you need.” Matt assured the older man.

 

Matt could see with the corner of his eyes that Margarethe barely held back her giggles at her husband’s line. Matt also held back a smile. Alex’s parents were simultaneously something quite similar and something different from his parents. They were naturally older than his parents, however they were both incredibly sharp. Margarethe was the one holding all the words in the family, speaking in everyone’s name. Anthony would just roll his eyes and not be bothered to contradict her anymore. That was something quite similar to what Matt was used to see at home. However, in the same time Alex’s parents had something from the cuteness of an old-married couple of grandparents. Sometimes Margarethe would just turn overly protective and overly maternal completely pissing Anthony off. Her list of “don’t even think about it” was infinite. ‘Don’t eat that is bad for you! Don’t drink too much. Put an extra jumper on. Anthony for the love of God don’t stay outside you’ll catch pneumonia!’ However, every time his wife left the room, Anthony would just start contradicting her with a strong ‘I am still the head of the family’ attitude, which never lasted upon her return. They were really adorable to watch, but that was something Matt would obviously never state out loud due to the great respect he was paying them and… well, the fact that he still found them utterly intimidating!

 

It was not long before Matt and Anthony left the quiet and cosy house and headed towards one of London’s fanciest and loudest casinos. The night turned out to be incredibly fun. Anthony enjoying every bit of their games. Moreover, in the evening’s menu, there was nothing from the “hard time” Margarethe mentioned. They were just two men who enjoyed their time together and won/lost quite a fair amount of money together. Somewhere around 11 p.m., they decided to end the games and head for some very late supper.

 

“I honestly hope you are not a big fan of gambling, Matt.” Anthony said laughing.

 

“No, actually. Not at all. I like having fun every once in a blue moon, but nothing serious.”

 

“Good, good. I am very happy to hear that. Not that I would have a problem with it, but you are terrible at it! Honest to God, dear lad! You don’t have either the hand, or the eye for these sort of games. It was painful to watch you losing like that.” Anthony continued laughing which made Matt laugh as well.

 

“Back in mid 1950s, when I was a bit younger than you. I had this fantastic adventure in Las Vegas… let me tell you about it!”

 

The two men kept on telling stories to each other and bonding throughout the entire supper. Matt laughed harder than he remembered to have in a long time, while Anthony was describing – probably in more detail than it even happened – the story of a crazy summer in Vegas. When the storytime turned to Matt, he also flowered up all football tales he still remembered. By the end of the supper, even the slightest hint of tension had completely disappeared from their conversation. After supper they moved their conversation to one of the private bars of the casino. Their fancy leather armchairs were placed just in front of a fireplace. The sound of the fire burning and the smell of wood was a delicious addition to their scotch.

 

“This was a very good evening, Matt. I really enjoyed having you around.”

 

“Oh, Mr. Kingston, not as much as I enjoyed your company. Thank you for accepting my invitation.”

 

The two bent their heads at each other and clang their glasses. After taking another sip, Matt managed to gather the courage of leading the conversation where he so much wanted to. He cleared his voice and smiled half shy, half confident.

 

“There is something I actually wanted to bring up.” Matt began and Alex’s father slowly placed his glass on the small table in between their armchairs.

 

“Is there?” Anthony said with his eyes narrowing. Matt knew that Anthony was just purposely trying to be intimidating and to play tough, however he could not help but feel his heart shrinking while trying to look into the eyes of his future father-in-law.

 

“Ah… yes. Yes, there definitely is.” Matt tried to regain his full self-confidence. He also placed his glass on the small table and paid attention to his posture.

 

“Mr. Kingston… I enjoyed this evening greatly, as I mentioned before. And you are definitely such a cool man!” Matt said on a cheeky tone straightening his bow-tie. Anthony almost cracked a smile, but ultimately still managed to hold his intimidating face. Matt was determined not to let himself be distracted by the older man’s game. So he kept his smile on and continued:

 

“What I want to say about the evening… is that I saved the very best bit for later. And later could easily be now. Mr. Kingston… there is a question I need to ask. Quite possibly the second most important question of my life…” Then Matt stopped allowing for dramatic effect. If Anthony wanted to be tough and businessy, well… two could play the game.

 

“Go on…” Anthony urged him several seconds later.

 

“Mr. Kingston, you know that me and Alex have been together for almost a year now… although my feelings for her date from way longer back in time. She is without any trace of doubt the most important person in my life and there is nothing I desire more than spending the rest of my life with her. I know that ours in not the most typical or conventional relationship. I heard all the possible and impossible reasons for which we should not take this step. But you know what, Mr. Kingston? I could not me deafer to all that nonsense. I do not care about the mouth of the world. Because what matters the most for me is Alex and her happiness. And as egotistical this may sound, I grew to believe that her happiness is with me. And for as long as either of us breathes, I will take care of her and I will place her above anything else in my life including, actually no… especially, above career and work commitments. I know, trust me, I know that you may have heard this speech before. I know that I may sound like a pathetic young boy, which quite proudly, I am… but I do mean every single word. I do mean it from the bottom of my heart. I promise to you, Mr. Kingston, that, come hell and high water, I will always do everything in my power to protect Alex and Salome.” Matt smiled, his heart beating like crazy and his hands almost shaking with emotions. Anthony’s eyes were all shiny and teary, and Matt was well aware of that since he’s been sincerely looking into the older man’s eyes during the whole time.

 

“How do you know you won’t break her heart like the rest?” Anthony eventually said, clearing his voice.

 

“Quite simply: I don’t. But you have my gentleman’s word that I will never do it on purpose. My affection for Alex is genuine and it goes way beyond the love of two lovers. As I told her on our very first date…” Matt stopped for a second and smiled. “November 24th, 2013. Our very first official date.” Then he tried to clear the cheeky smile off his face and to regain his sobriety. “Thus, as I told Alex on our first date, for me the most important things in a relationship are the feelings of genuine friendship and those of unbreakable companionship. Passion goes… passion flies. But ultimately it is not passion that one should seek in a relationship they strive to maintain for a lifetime. It is the love that goes deeper that matters the most... and no, I cannot foresee the future and I cannot promise you that she will never cry because of something silly that I do or say. But what I can assure you is that Alex got literally engraved on the depths of my soul and that nothing and no one will ever be able to take her out from there. I will take care of your daughter. I will be there for her whenever she needs me and in as much as she needs me.” Matt pressed his hand on his heart while giving his word.

 

“I see. Well then, Mr. Smith, what was that very important question you wanted to ask?” Anthony said clearing his voice again. Matt smiled. He secretly loved the overly-pompous and patriarchal-like manner in which the conversation was going. He felt like in a film portraying some story of the early 20th century. 

 

“Mr. Kingston, will you give me the hand of your daughter, Alexandra Elisabeth, in marriage?”

 

“Mr. Smith, it would be quite an honour to do that. Your whole casino and dinner adventure coupled with your touchy feely speech convinced me that you, young lad, really know what to do and what to say in order to get under a person’s skin. No wonder you convinced that tough cookie my daughter is to fall in love with you. So cheers, _son_! You have my blessing. And when we finish our scotch, let’s have another round on me for such a good addition to my family.”

 

Matt smiled with his whole face while and clang his glass to Anthony’s.

 

“Cheers, _father_. May this be an hour of good omen.”


	28. Surprise pre-birthday present!

Anthony’s promised round of scotch turned into several more rounds, a lot of laughing and a lot of joking around. Therefore, it was way past 2 a.m. when the two men left the casino and Matt insisted to accompany Anthony back home. The older man tried to assure Matt that it was unnecessary for him to waste time going back and forth to Surrey, but Matt did not want to listen to any of that. He insisted that it was his utter pleasure to spend a bit more time with his future father-in-law.

 

While in the car, Matt told Anthony everything about his relationship with Salome. He confessed how he loved the poppet with his whole heart and how for a long time he feared she would not approve of him as her mother’s boyfriend. Fortunately, that hadn’t been the case and Matt felt blessed and privileged to have Salome’s love and consent. Naturally, Matt talked about his “partnership” with Salome in what concerned the organisation of the perfect proposal. With fake sad eyes, he had to confess that the teenager was not impressed at all by his lack of luck in finding a ring. The two men fondly laughed at how Salome got so seriously in charge of everything and how she was dictating with the determination of Margarethe how things should unfold. Matt decided to send a couple of Snapchat pictures to Salome in order to tease her some more. In the first one, he had his hand over Anthony’s shoulder. They were all smiley and joyful. Matt captioned the picture with “Looks like I can deal with this without you.” But the immediate next picture was a selfie of her grandfather which was captioned: “Matt’s joking. He is dead without you, liebling.” Then they laughed some more…

 

Matt waved to Anthony as the latter entered the house. What a night that had been! With a smile that simply could not leave his face, Matt leaned on the back of the hire’s backseat and took off his bowtie. He felt suddenly sleepy, now that he no longer had the older man’s company to keep him in a party mood. Oh… one more hour and a bit and he would just throw himself into his bed…

 

When the driver finally pulled in front of his apartment, Matt was delighted. He was still fairly tipsy, and it was awfully late in the night… or maybe just very early in the morning, but he felt just amazing! Simply amazing and fulfilled.

 

He entered his apartment and took his shoes off while still walking. He made a mental note that Alex would have crossed her arms at her chest and with an authoritarian glare she would have made him turn around and properly put his shoes back to their place. Matt laughed by himself and mentally promised his beloved to take care of the shoes… but just a bit later.

 

As we made a couple more steps in order to go to his bedroom, Matt stopped and frowned. The TV was on in the living room. Why would the TV be on in the living room? He was absolutely convinced that he didn’t use the device at least in the last couple of days.

 

Matt slowly backtracked his steps and went to check what was going on. On the sofa, sleeping all curled up around a blanket, was his mother. On the small coffee table laid a cup of tea and an empty plate of biscuits. Some Season 5 Doctor Who episodes were playing with low volume on the TV. Matt smiled and went to pause the dvd. He left the living room and headed towards the guest room in order to prepare the bed for his mother. When everything was ready he returned to the living room and slowly walked to the sofa. He sat down on the edge of the couch and softly placed a hand on his mother’s shoulder:

 

“Mommy…”  He whispered. Lynne hummed softly but did not move. “Mommy… come on. Let’s go to bed. It’s almost morning…”

 

Lynne slowly opened her eyes and looked at him confused.

 

“It’s okay mommy. It’s me… you fell asleep on the sofa.” 

 

“Ah… yes…” She said slowly waking up. “You’ve been drinking…” Lynne whispered yawning.

 

“Yeah, a bit… I went out with Alex’s father.” Matt confessed giggling.

 

“I know. That’s why I abused my spare key… Did it go on well?”

 

Matt looked at her with loving eyes. She was so adorable when sleepy and only half aware of the real world going on around her. He pressed a kiss on her cheek and stood up, offering his hand to help her in doing the same.

 

“It went on perfectly, I’ll tell you all about it in the morning. I am glad you abused your spare key privileges. I anyway planned to come over to yours tomorrow… I cannot just fly over the ocean when my mom is cross with me… especially when it’s my birthday next week…”

 

“But I am not cross…” She said still yawning and, taking his hand, she stood up. 

 

“I know… come on. Let’s go to bed and we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

 

Lynne just nodded and, half asleep, walked towards the guest room. Matt smiled and followed her to the room. He covered his mom with the duvet and then bent and kissed her forehead remembering all those lovely times when she did just the same. 

 

“Good night, mommy. I love you…”

 

“Nightie. I love you even more.”

 

With a smile, Matt left for his room and, without even showering, he jumped into pyjamas and into bed. The fact that his mother was there just made his night complete. Pleased and at peace, he drifted into heavy sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

 

The next thing he knows is that he woke up to the amazing smell of coffee and bacon. Matt opened his eyes smiling. Oh, yes! Some proper English breakfast was exactly what his stomach needed after a night out drinking. He went quickly to shower and then ran to join his mother in the kitchen.

 

“Morning, darling. Did you sleep well?” Lynne greeted him with a smile.

 

“Like a baby. And you?” Matt replied joyfully and jumped to hug her.

 

“Not too bad.” She replied hugging him back. “I made you breakfast. I could barely wait for you to wake up because I am starving!”

 

“Yuuuuum!” Matt threw himself on the chair.

 

“Matthew! Take your elbows off the table!”

 

Matt just laughed, but did as told. During the breakfast, he enthusiastically told Lynne all about his evening out with Anthony Kingston. She listened with a genuine smile on her face.

 

“Oh, Matt. I am very happy it all went well with Alex’s parents… Wish I could say the same for us, well for me. Actually, you know that I am here because I want us to talk about what happened last weekend…”

 

“Yes, mother. I know… Do you want to go in the living room? It’s more comfy…”

 

Lynne nodded and, with her son’s arm around her shoulders, left the kitchen in order to settle more comfortably on Matt’s living room sofa. She looked into his eyes and sighed, but before she was able to say anything, Matt cut her words: 

 

“Mom, can I start? Please… Because I really want to apologize for shouting at you.”

 

“Oh, but it is fine, sweetheart. I started it. I should apologize first for just… saying words without thinking.”

 

“I know you started it… but still. You are still my mother and I should have been more respectful. I am no longer a stupid boy who does not know any better than responding with a punchline to every second word you say. However, the truth is that the words you said without thinking hurt me. And I really think we should talk about Alex, and about me and Alex.”

 

“I know, I hurt you. That’s why I am here… I had a very long and deep conversation with your father after you left. He gave me a very good lesson of life, as he usually does every time I do bother listening to him.” She chuckled and Matt smiled as well.

 

“So what did you two talk about?” He inquired.

 

“Sweetheart… there comes a time when one should face reality and admit that one’s spawns left the nest for good. That they grew up and that they are able to think and take decisions for themselves. But it’s easier said than done… You and Lor will always be my babies, no matter what… But you have your own life and you need to make your own decisions.” She smiled. “Your father asked me if I remembered what happened after your back injury… I said that I remember those weeks as if they happened yesterday. Those were not at all easy days for a mother’s heart. I remember them all too well, so I told him that I have no idea what exactly he expected me to remember. He said that he wanted me to go back to what happened on a rainy Sunday morning, right after that Wednesday when you got your categorical results that football was no longer going to happen… So I did just that. Remember? We were all around the table, having our Sunday brunch. Laura was trying to talk constantly as if she was scared that the silence would eat us alive. None of us complained and patiently listened to her random stories. We were secretly quite pleased that at least someone was trying to make that brunch seem normal… But then you suddenly put your fork down and stared at us with a deep and penetrating look. Laura’s eyes went all wide and she stopped talking. She bit her lip and looked at me, her eyes desperately asking for help. Your father tried to pretend that he didn’t see your gesture, but I could not do the same and I looked back at Laura mirroring her worried look. You took in a deep breath and you started speaking with a false even voice. I knew from the very first word that left your mouth that sooner or later you’d burst into tears. My heart was already aching only thinking about seeing more tears in your eyes, but there was nothing I could do. You said that you loved us, because we are your family and we are the only ones that could even begin to understand what you were going through. You told us that your life was over that you had nothing to live for anymore. You told us that your only dream was gone and you had no prospect of ever finding another one. You looked at the three of us and said those awful words with tears starting streaming down your face. I will never forget your words, Matt. You said: ‘You three are the only reason why I won’t take refuge in self harm like so many other depressed teenagers do. You three are the only reason why I won’t take my useless life… so it’s your moral duty to tell me what to do with my life! Because I don’t want to do anything with it. Tell me what to study, and I will study it. Just tell me what to do and I will do exactly that.’ Laura started crying as well. I could not think, I could not react in any way. Hearing my child saying those awful words… the thought that my child even considered the option of…”

 

Lynne closed her eyes and took a moment to regain her composure. Then she opened her eyes and smiled: “But your father knew what to say. He looked at you and stood up from the chair. Firstly, I was completely annoyed. I thought he would leave and he would act as if completely offended by your unmanly attitude. But no, on the contrary. He went to the fridge and took two beers out of it. He opened one and placed it in front of you. Neither me, nor Laura dared to protest that you were way underage for that. Do you remember what your dad told you then?”

 

Matt smiled and nodded: “Everyday!”

 

“What did he say?”

 

“He said: ‘Son, life is unfair. And this is just the first sip… and I don’t mean the beer.’ And then he told me the story of the poor Chinese farmer. He said that once there lived a very poor Chinese farmer in a very poor Chinese village. The very poor Chinese farmer had nothing in life but a son and a horse. One day the horse fled away. The other poor Chinese farmers came to our farmer and told him: ‘Oh, good neighbour, what a tragedy, what a great misfortune!’ The Chinese farmer looked at his neighbours and replied: ‘Maybe’. A week later the horse returned with 10 other wild horses. The other farmers came to our poor Chinese farmer and told him: ‘Oh, good neighbour, what a blessing, what a great fortune.’ But the poor Chinese farmer looked at his neighbours and replied: ‘Maybe’. Another week later, the Chinese farmer’s son was riding the wild horses in his attempt to tame them. One of the wild horses threw the farmer’s son on the ground and the son broke one leg and one arm. The other farmers once again came to visit their neighbour and said: ‘Oh, good neighbour, what a tragedy, what a great misfortune!’ And again, our farmer replied: ‘Maybe.’ Another couple of weeks later a war broke in China and the Imperial Army came to compel all young men to enrol in the army. Having his leg and arm broken, the son of our very poor Chinese farmer could not go to war, unlike all the other farmers’ sons. The neighbours crying came to visit the farmer again and told him: ‘Oh, good neighbour, what a blessing, what a great fortune.’ To which the poor Chinese farmer replied: ‘Maybe’”

 

Matt stopped and laughed. Lynne laughed as well:

 

“Oh, you looked so perplexed at your father.”

 

“I know. That’s because I did not understand what he meant! It didn’t make any sense and I thought there should be something more to the story… But then Dad said that the story made a lot of sense and that the moral of the story was that nothing in life is completely good or completely bad. That any misfortune can turn into a great fortune, just as easy as any fortune can relapse into a misfortune. He said that I have all rights to mourn my football career for a while, but that I had no right to give up, because I cannot foresee what other great opportunities can spark out of my unfortunate back injury. He was completely right, look at me now… but once again, I don’t understand what you mean. I have no idea where you want to take this… why is the Chinese farmer story important?”

 

“Well… I didn’t really ask about the Chinese farmer story. I was actually thinking about the other thing your father told you. The story however seems to have had a bigger impact on you.” Lynne laughed.

 

“He said so many things… this was the one that made the most sense to me once I started pursuing my career as an actor. I am completely lost. Why can’t you just tell me what he said!?!?”

 

“He said that you cannot allow your injury to turn you into someone you were not. He told you that just like the Chinese farmer, you should embrace the fate with dignity and to make the most of it. That you’ve always been an independent and full of life person. That you could not just ask us to dictate your life. That your life was yours to create. He said then, as he reminded me now, that we, your parents, have no right in forcing a certain path on you. That you are your own person and your life is your responsibility. That you can and you will be more than welcomed to ask us about our opinions in what concerns our future, to ask for our advice and our guidance… but never to ask for us to dictate your life! Because that will not happen. It’s not our business to tell you what to do, or to manipulate you into doing something that diverges from what your heart tells you. Alex is one of the good fortunes that came into your life just because you did not give up on who you are back in the day, after your injury… and I believe this with all my heart. I do like Alex, Matt… And I am very sorry for how I reacted last weekend. It was rude… I know it was. And I don’t want you to get the wrong impression that I fake my behaviour in what concerns Alex. I will not lie to you, and I didn’t hide it at all. I did struggle with the thought of your relationship with her over the past months. I still do not fully agree and fully embrace your relationship... because I am your mother and it is my duty to worry. Because I don’t want you to get hurt and I don’t want you to get disappointed. In the beginning I was really determined to make your girlfriend’s life a living hell, but Alex and her lovely self persuaded me to tame down my choleric reactions to your relationship. _That woman_ is impossible to dislike! She is charming and she wins hearts so easily. She won mine as well, she truly did. I reacted the way in which I reacted because I was surprised by the news and because I could no longer separate my prejudices regarding a relationship with such a big generational difference from my actual opinion regarding the lovely couple you and Alex make. But as your father always tried to teach you, Laura, and even me, when I was getting over-motherly: your life it’s your life, my darling! Your choices are your choices. We should be there for you and help you succeed in fulfilling your dreams and desires. And that is what we will do! Because Matty… I believe in you and I completely trust your decisions. I am not saying that I completely agree with your decisions, nor that I will never again bitch about your relationship… but hey, what’s a mother-in-law if not choleric and psycho?”

 

Matt laughed and hurried to hug his mom, swallowing back some tears.

 

“Thank you, mother… thank you, thank you, thank you.”

 

“No, sweetheart. I thank you for being my treasure… now, get off me and let me breathe.” She said slowly pushing Matt away. He did as told and laughed. Lynne laughed as well and suddenly stood up from the sofa. She went and picked her bag from where she left it, then she walked back towards him with a smile on her face.

 

“I have something for you.”

 

“Really? Early birthday present?” Matt said grinning.

 

“No, not a birthday present. We’ll go shopping for a birthday present in the afternoon. You could really use some un-ripped jeans. And since you so obviously cannot afford a pair, your mother will buy you some decent jeans... so that you won’t look like a hobo in your next paparazzi pictures.”

 

Matt just laughed and pulled his tongue out at her. His mother was always bitching about his (lack of) sense of fashion. 

 

Lynne sat down on the sofa and took something out of her bag. She handed it to Matt and he looked at his mother confused. It was a small jewellery box.

 

“Open it.” His mother urged him. Matt obeyed immediately still frowning.

 

“Mother… what’s this?” He asked confused.

 

“What do you mean what’s that? You know what that is.” Lynne laughed.

 

“Of course… it’s your self-commissioned don’t-ever-dare-to-touch most-precious engagement ring…”

 

“Indeed it is… for now. But if you take it, it will be Alex’s engagement ring.”

 

Matt’s jaw dropped and he stared at his mother being utterly unable to blink:

 

“What? Are you serious… you… you cannot be serious!”

 

“Would I ever joke with something like this? You know I love that ring more than I love you and Laura… combined!”

 

Matt rolled his eyes and gave his mother a glare. She just laughed.

 

“Just kidding. But I do love that ring with all my being. I would not joke about giving it away unless I deeply meant it. I will be happy, flattered, and proud to see that ring on your bride’s finger! I mean… yes, I do know that the ring is kind of big, quite retro, and as yellow as gold gets… and that big sapphire has probably never been fashionable and the little crystals could have been diamonds, but your father just got greedy… He never actually liked the ring, mind you. He always thought it was much too much… but he loved me desperately back then, so he did not dare to question my self-made design… I don’t know how Alex would like her engagement ring to be… or if she won’t feel embarrassed with this ring… but if you think that she’ll like it, please, my sweetheart… please take it… because I want you to have it.” Lynne said with a smile that was lighting up her whole face, although little pearls were forming in the corner of her eyes.

 

“Are you kidding me, mother? Have you seen Alex’s rings??? ‘Much too much’ is exactly her style in what concerns rings… I don’t think she will love it, no. I think she will adore it! She will never want to part with this ring!!! Oh mother! This ring is everything I looked for…”

 

Matt jumped once again oh his mother and started kissing her repeatedly from one cheek to the other. Tears of joy started falling from both sets of eyes. Matt parted from his mother and softly kissed the ring. November could not come soon enough!     

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweeties!  
> I hope you liked this chapter! Permission from Alex's dad - checked! Ring - checked! Looks like the proposal is on its way! I am so terribly excited. 
> 
> Here are a couple of pictures with the ring Alex will receive:  
> https://img0.etsystatic.com/049/3/8822735/il_fullxfull.669128616_hpc9.jpg  
> https://img1.etsystatic.com/045/1/8822735/il_fullxfull.669255745_5kgo.jpg


	29. What goes around, comes around!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, 
> 
> I want to apologize for the huge delay in posting this chapter. The past weeks have been very busy and emotional since I had my graduation! It was so beautiful and I felt very happy and proud. However, my graduation trip went awfully bad since a chain of misfortunes followed me and my family during our road trip... but we are home now and trying to calm down and relax. All will be well eventually. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. I cannot wait to hear what you think about it.

Tuesday, October 28th, 2014. L.A.

 

“Darling, you know what I was thinking?” Alex whispered softly placing kisses on his chest over and over again.

 

“What were you thinking, my precious?” Matt replied dragging her on top of him. “Hm, maybe that I didn’t get enough birthday sex already?”

 

“Oh, that as well…” Alex laughed biting his neck and pressing her bare bosom on his chest. Matt closed his eyes in pleasure and started roaming his hands all over her back. Alex moaned and continued kissing him down his neck, towards the jawline.  

 

“You were thinking, you were thinking… Alex, I have no idea how on earth you can be thinking! My mind became all blurred the second you touch me...” 

 

“You cheeky lad…” She giggled. Matt rolled over her and, with a quick move, pressed his lips on one of her breast, kissing it hungrily.

 

“Another round before breakfast, please?”

 

“Anything for the birthday boy!” Alex whispered rolling her eyes in pleasure.

 

“You mean… _everything_ for the birthday boy!” 

 

“Thanks heaven your birthday is only once per year! You become so arrogAAAAUUUUnnt!” She cried in pain when he teasingly bit her nipple.

 

“Say that again?” He teased slowly moving one of his hands between her tights.

 

Alex giggled moaning. Her hands went directly into his growing hair. She simply loved playing with his hair while he was teasing her breast with his tongue and her already sensitive sex with his fingers.

 

“I was just teasing, my darling-darling…” She managed to whisper through blissful feelings. “I wouldn’t mind it at all to celebrate your birthday every single day of the year for the rest of my life!”

 

Matt rolled on his back forcing her to straddle him. He locked his eyes into hers, tangled his fingers in her curls and pushed her head down until her lips met his. Her beautiful breasts were once again pressed on his chest while he was kissing her desperately, as if she were the only air he could fill his lungs with.

 

“I love you so much… so, so, so much…” Alex mouthed pouring all her being in their desperate kiss. “I want you so much… please, please, please… make me scream again…”

 

Matt laughed biting her lip.

 

“Oh, my love, my love! I told you so… didn’t I? Almost a year now! Downstairs in your kitchen! I promised you’ll end up begging me to make you mine…”

 

“Oh! I will gladly beg if I must! What goes around, comes around!” She admitted and slowly slid down his body until her lips were able to touch him where he wanted the most.

 

Breakfast? Oh… breakfast could always be postponed until it became lunch.

 

And lunch it became. One next to another they started preparing the fish and vegetables for their family meal. In less than two hours Salome was supposed to arrive home from school. Matt insisted he wanted to spend his birthday bonding with his girls. Alex obliged. She promised him a divine meal and a perfect present all family could enjoy.

  

“So you said you’ve been thinking about something. What exactly? Can I have the other knife please?”

 

Alex handed him the knife and smiled. They being so domestic made her heart skip beats.

 

“I was thinking about your Halloween-birthday party, on Friday. Cut the carrot cubes a bit bigger. They’re too small and they’re going to burn.”

 

“Sure thing. So, my party. What about it? We already know the costumes. I will be the Doctor, you have to be River…”

 

“No, Matt!!! That’s too mainstream…” She said quickly shaking her head and making her curls bounce.

 

“But, Alex! Everyone expects us to be River and the Doctor at our first Halloween as a couple.”

 

“Exactly! Too predictable for my taste.”

 

“Pfff…” Matt rolled his eyes grumpily.

 

“Don’t worry, I have a better idea.” She winked at him.

 

“Intrigued. Do tell more…”

 

“You’ll see, the costumes arrive tomorrow. I already have it arranged.”

 

“Of course you have! When don’t you, boss-lady?” He laughed and kissed her cheek. “Enough carrots?”

 

“Hm… maybe one more…” 

 

“So if not Halloween costumes, what were you thinking about?” Matt insisted.

 

“I was thinking that this party is the best occasion to get my little revenge on Karen!” Alex smirked while tasting the tomato sauce with a wooden spoon.

 

“Reven… oooooh! Ohhhhhh!!!” Matt mirrored her smirk. “For leaking the picture with us kissing on Twitter?” He asked enthusiastically.

 

“Yes, for that one exactly… More black pepper?” She asked moving the spoon to his lips.

 

“Is that Karen’s blood you’re cooking?”

 

Alex laughed: “You have no idea!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Alex was strolling down the supermarket aisle pushing the trolley with one hand and holding the shopping list with the other. It was Thursday afternoon, the day before the Halloween-birthday party. Salome and Matt were at home – babysitting – and fully in charge of cleaning and decorating the house. She, on the other hand, was in charge with the shopping and cooking… and with planning in detail the prank against Karen.

 

As she was staring at the shelves in front of her, Alex felt absolutely overwhelmed and clueless. Her list – which Matt stole and improved – said:

  * Jellies
  * Candy
  * Jelly beans
  * Marshmallows
  * More jellies (please please please)
  * And the red ones.



 

 _~ Which on earth are the red ones??? ~_ Alex thought rolling her eyes and staring at the all the sweets in front of her. 

 

Suddenly, someone bumped softly into her. Alex got startled from her jelly-hell and looked around. She was more than surprised to see that she had to look down in order to see her “aggressor”. A pair of red and scared eyes stared at her.

 

“Sweetie… are you okay?” Alex asked immediately and turned her full attention from the jellies towards the little girl.

 

The child was probably four or five years old. She was dressed in a lovely ballerina dress. All pink and fluffy. She was incredibly beautiful and had blue-green eyes and golden curls. Alex smiled internally and thought that the little girl could easily be her love child with…. well, herself!!!

 

“Are you alone, darling? Did you get lost?” Alex asked softly looking into the girl’s eyes.

 

“I lost Daddy…” The girl whispered through the tears.

 

“Oh, so you got lost from your daddy?”

 

The girl nodded and bit her lips.  

 

“Oh, sweetheart… I am sure he is around somewhere. Come on, let’s find your daddy. I am, Alex. What’s your name?”  

 

But before the girl could answer, Alex heard a voice calling in the distance:

 

“VANESSA!!! VANESSA!!! Sorry… have you seen a curly pink four year old? No… sorry… VANESSA??? VANESSA!!!”

 

“That’s my daddy!” The girl said with her little face lighting up. She looked around with confused eyes, unable to identify from where his voice was coming. 

 

“Your daddy…” Alex whispered with her brain slowly processing the voice. She knew that voice. She knew that voice way too well. But? But… how?

 

“Where is he? DADDY!!!” Vanessa cried spinning around but too scared to leave. 

 

“I think he is calling from… from the department to our left... Do you want me to take you to him?” Alex asked reluctantly, but the child did not notice that and started nodding frantically.

 

“Ok, ok… Come on... Ah, Vanessa, right?”

 

The little girl nodded and softly grabbed Alex’s hand.

 

“VANESSA!!! VANESSA…” The desperate voice was still calling for the little girl.

 

Before any of them could reply or move, a man appeared at the end of the aisle. Vanessa let Alex’s hand go just as easily as she grabbed it and ran towards the man. He sighed relieved and walked faster to reach his little girl. When she threw her arms around his neck, the man lifted her into the air and hugged her to his chest caressing her curls – definitely a parent who’s never lost sight his child in a crowed place before.

 

“What did I tell you about running away like that? Do you want daddy to get a heart attack?”

 

“But I wanted that chocolate pumpkin not the real one…” The girl excuse herself burying her face into the man’s shoulder.

 

“I know. But I told you we’d check the chocolate pumpkin after we buy a real one. I told you to be patient only five minutes more, sweetheart. Didn’t I say this?”

 

Vanessa nodded still hugging him desperately. 

 

Alex was staring at the two of them unable to move. She found it hard to tear her eyes away from the scenery. She found it hard because she could not believe her eyes!!! Ralph Fiennes? That Ralph Fiennes??? Her ex-husband Ralph Fiennes? With a child?

 

Right in that moment Ralph turned his attention towards her, as he felt a pair of eyes staring intensely. He frowned when his eyes met hers. And she suddenly blinked. Once, then twice, then three times unsure what to do.

 

“Her name is Alex. She helped me find you…” Vanessa whispered.

 

Ralph nodded and looked at Alex with half a smile on his face: “Thank you.”

 

Alex just nodded as well. They were probably more than three metres away from each other and the commotion of the busy supermarket made any conversation even harder. Not that she was eager to have one, anyway! 

 

“Your daughter’s lovely…” She said eventually.

 

“Thank you.” He replied placing a kiss on Vanessa’s curls. “I’d love to talk some more with you, but I have to go… you know, just in case you got that restraining order after all.” Ralph said half bitterly, then he turned away and left before waiting for a reply from Alex. 

 

“Come on, let’s find that chocolate pumpkin… but you’ll have to promise me that you’ll never just run like this. Ok? And also… what did daddy tell you about talking to strangers???”

 

Alex continued standing in the middle of the sweets department staring in the direction where Ralph and Vanessa left. She had no idea what just happened and she definitely didn’t know how to feel about it. A small part of her felt utterly hurt by the thought of Ralph having a child after he refused and denied her that blessing when they were a couple. Another small part of her actually felt happy for him and wished him all the best. But the biggest part of her…

 

… oh, the biggest part of her was still felt overwhelmed and clueless! A single question was spinning inside her head:

 

_~ Which on earth are the red ones??? ~_

 

Completely removing Ralph and Vanessa from her mind, Alex turned around and stared again at the shelves in front of her. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialled Matt’s number:

 

“What are you unable to buy without my constant supervision?” Matt greeted her sassily.

 

“Bite your tongue, sweet love of mine, or I’ll cancel your party.” Alex replied out-sassing him.

 

“Oh, but I’d much rather let you do the biting… That’s much more thrilling…” He teased.

 

“I am in a supermarket trying to shop… mind keeping your distracting thoughts for later?” Alex laughed.

 

“If you insist. So? What are you unable to buy?”

 

“Jellies! Which on earth are _the red ones_???”

 

“What do you mean the red ones?”

 

“Well, I mean nothing! You were the one adding extra value on my shopping list! And you wrote precisely this: _the red ones_. Mind elaborating?” Alex said rolling her eyes.

 

“Oh! I know! The spaghetti kissing ones!”

 

“The Red Vines??? How are those qualifying as jellies???” Alex laughed.

 

“Just get them! I cannot be bothered with technicalities now! Myra peed everywhere just after I finished mopping the floors. And Salome is only laughing at me!” Matt complained on baby voice.

 

Alex just laughed. “I am sure she didn’t pee everywhere. She’s just an eight weeks old puppy! You drink more water in a sip than she pees in one round! Don’t stress out the baby and clean up! I clean up after you all the time!”

 

Matt tried to protest but he ended up laughing. Alex smiled lovingly hearing him. He was such a man-child! Ever since Tuesday afternoon, when Alex and Salome took Matt to a lovely kennel to pick a puppy of his choice, everything was about Myra the wrinkly Shar Pei:

 

_Alex, Myra did this!_

_Alex, Myra did that!_

_Alex, look at Myra!_

And especially:

 

_Alex, Myra is the most precious dog in the world._

_Really, now, darling? Is it so?_

_Yes, it is so! Myra is the first thing we own together…_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Saturday, November 1st, 2014. L.A. 

 

“Is it online???” Anita asked slowly opening her eyes. She spotted Salome checking her tablet on the inflatable mattress.

 

“Not quite sure yet… Oh, dear! Yes! Yes! It is!!!” Salome laughed getting all excited. She had stayed to sleep over at Anita’s after the two teenagers spent their Halloween at Helen’s dancing party.

 

“I want to see!!!” Anita screeched and jumped out of her bed and on Salome’s inflatable mattress. Salome made space for her friend next to her and positioned the tablet in between them.

 

“Ready for the prank-video?” Salome asked smirking.

 

“Do you need to ask???” Anita, who was by now a huge Whovian, giggled clapping her hands together.

 

Salome laughed and pressed the play button.

 

The Last Centurion was smirking at them from a Youtube video.

 

_“Are you filming?”_

_“Yes, darling. I am filming.”_

_“Wait!!! Do I look good???”_

_“Dashing!”_

_“Are you sure… I feel weird…”_

_“Matt… I said I was filming already!”_

_“Will you cut this part?”_

_“Matt, darling. My technology abilities do not go past pressing the recording button… so everything you say will end up online.”_

_“Ok. Ok, then! ACT 1!!! Hello there internet!!! The Doctor here!!! Don’t be fooled by my Last Centurion look… I’m just dressing up for Halloween!!! I’m my father in law for this Halloween… my wife made me do it! Against my will… You cannot see her now, but she’s rolling her eyes. The lovely River Song is currently impersonating her mother… so disturbing. Anyway. Say hi to the camera, love!”_

<<<The video was a bit shaky as Matt reached for the phone and took it from Alex. Alex laughed and waved at the camera looking absolutely smoking hot with her ginger wig and police-woman mini-skirt outfit. >>>

 

_“Hey there internet! Alex Kingston here… Matt is still delusional enough to call himself the Doctor! Denial… it’s all I am saying. You cannot see him now, but he’s rolling his eyes while pretending to imitate me. Anyway… We are currently getting ready for our Hallowing slash Matt’s Birthday Party… but, there is a little prank we want to do and share with you! Remember March when the lovely-as-a-hurricane Karen Gillan leaked a personal photo of me and Matt on social media? Well… I remember that too! Oh, so very well! And I have to confess that I wasn’t impressed at all! So this is payback time! Matt, darling, give me the phone back. It’s better if you put the plan in action since you are as enthusiastic about it as a child on Halloween… oh wait!”_

_“Rude, Kingston!!! Stop hurting my feelings!!!”_

<<< Alex just laughed as she reached for the camera. >>>

 

_“Are you filming me again?”_

_“Yes, darling.”_

_“Good… so. Here we go!!! Internet! You see this little piece of paper?”_

<<<Matt said showing a small blank paper to the camera. >>>

 

_“It’s blank. But I will write something on it!”_

<<<Matt turned around and wrote something on the little piece of paper. Then he turned to face the camera again and slowly rolled the paper as if it was a cigarette. >>>

 

_“On this little paper I wrote the password of Karen Gillan’s twitter account! Oh… the funny part is that Kazza does not know this password yet! I will now insert this little note in this orange balloon and I will blow up the balloon! Ready?”_

 

<<<Matt did exactly as he described and started blowing up the balloon while Alex was laughing her head off behind the camera. As soon as the balloon was properly inflated, Matt tied it carefully. >>>

 

_“Now… behind me is one of our guest rooms! The room is empty! But I will open the door and throw this balloon inside it!”_

 

<<<Matt did as he said. >>>

 

_“Now, I and Alex will go and bring from the living room roughly 500 more inflated balloons and throw them in the room!!! This little balloon with Kazza’s Twitter account will get lost among all the others. Now the plan goes this way: During the party, I will snatch Kazza’s phone and change her current password with the one that I just inserted into the balloon. Then I will prank her by sending a ridiculous tweet with a poem Alex learnt ah… in kindergarten, maybe!”_

 

<<< Alex laughed but did not defend herself in any way. From behind the camera, Alex only added: >>>

_“When the bomb will explode and Kazza will realize she’s been frapped… we’ll send her to this room and ask her to to find her password…_ _”_

<<< Matt laughed and winked at the camera and in the very next second the video changed. The door from the room in front of which Matt had filmed the first part of the video was now open. Karen Gillan was in the middle of the said room which was flooded with hundreds balloons! She was swimming among those balloons and going fully ballistic against an Alex Kingston! Leaning on the door frame, Alex was laughing with tears streaming down her cheeks. Arthur was laughing a bit behind Alex, and Matt’s laughter was equally hearable from behind the camera. Poor Karen was the only one apparently not amused at all by the whole situation. >>>

 

_I AM GOING TO KILL BOTH OF YOU!!! ARE YOU TWO OUT OF YOUR MINDS???? WHEN I’M GONNA PUT MY HANDS IN THOSE CURLS YOU’LL BE LEFT BALDER THAN ME WHILE BEING NEBULA!!!! ARTHUR!!!!!! HELP ME FIND THE PASSWORD!!! WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!?!?!?!? STOP LAUGHING!!!! DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY??? THIS IS NOT EVEN FUNNY!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! MOVE HERE AND HELP ME!!!_

<<< Balloons were bursting everywhere around her. Poor Karen Gillan – who was dressed as Catwoman – looked exactly like a scared kitten among the gun-shot-like sounds made by the assassinated balloons. The video went on for a couple of minutes with the other three members of Team Tardis laughing at the expense of Karen. When Karen eventually found her password she turned towards Alex with a killer look. Alex started running down the stairs still laughing, while Karen – still screaming – ran after her. The last recorded thing before the video ended was Arthur’s amused face smiling towards Matt: >>>

 

_“Go save your girlfriend before mine turns her into haggis.”_

 

_“What????”_

 

<<< Matt said in shocked and the video went all black. >>>

 

“WHAAATTTT?????” – Was exactly what Salome and Anita shouted at the same time while hearing Arthur’s confession.

 

“Hahahaha… Now it all makes sense!!! No wonder Karen got so annoyed at your mom’s silly tweet with _Karen and Arthur sitting on a tree_ … since the poor girl was probably just sitting on a sofa with Arthur k-i-s-s-i-n-g”

 

“Honest to God, my mom is crazy!” Salome said laughing and pressing the replay button. “Again!!!”

 


	30. November Rain

Monday, November 24th, 2014 - London

 

Alex stirred in bed once more, hardly able to find a comfortable position. She felt lazy. She didn’t want to wake up, but she couldn’t really sleep anymore. The sound of the rain pouring outside was making her restless and the day ahead was making her anxious. With a sigh she opened her eyes and looked towards the window. How could London be so dull in November?

 

“Maaaaaaaaaattttttt…” Alex started meowing like a spoiled cat.

 

She knew he was not next to her. She knew it, because there were no arms around her naked body. Alex turned her eyes from the window towards the empty pillow next to her and she frowned immediately. On Matt’s side of the bed laid a beautiful light blue Lanvin box. Alex smiled, suddenly jumping from under the sheets and hurrying to open the box. Inside she found a handwritten note nicely placed on top of a silk butterfly-print dressing gown:

_Bonjour, mon amour!_

_I hope you like your first present of the day as well as the subtlety of the message I wanted to transmit with it. And in case I was way too subtle I will spell it out: I do not want you to have too many clothes on. Pancakes with fruits and Nutella? I’m in the living room waiting for you. _

_Matt Xx_

Alex giggled and jumped out of the bed. To hell with the November rain! It didn’t matter! She ran to the bathroom for a very quick 5 minutes shower. When she got out, she covered her body in her amazing white lilies and English rose lotion and then she took the beautiful dressing gown out from its box. She tied the robe nicely around her naked body and admired herself in the mirror. Alex smiled mischievously and decided to present her amazing boyfriend with an extra special treat. From the wardrobe she took an elegant pair of black high heels and put them on. She styled her curls and put on some light make-up which nicely outlined her eyes. From her jewelry box she took the Tiffany pearl set Matt bought her on the Doctor and River’s wedding anniversary. She put her pearls on and matched them with blood red lipstick. She twirled in front of the mirror and smirked. It was not even 10 a.m. but she was already dressed to kill. She liked it, she felt good! Now she was indeed ready for that special day...

 

When Alex reached the living room she leaned on the doorframe. Matt was on his belly on the floor playing with Myra. He looked utterly adorable crawling like a child while the puppy was jumping all over him.

 

“Good morning, my love…” She eventually said on a sensual voice.

 

With a huge smile on his face he picked Myra in his arms and stood on his knees:

 

“Good…”

 

Matt suddenly stopped when his eyes fell on her. He pointlessly tried to take in the view in front of him. He blinked once, twice, three times – unable to take his eyes off her.

 

“Seeing something you like?” Alex teased and moved like a feline towards him.

 

“Something… something I like?” Matt asked and swallowed hard when she stopped in front of him. He stared up searching Alex’s eyes, still on his knees in front of her. “Something I like? Oh… more like something I love… something I adore!”

 

Alex smiled and cupped his face with her hands. She looked deeply into his eyes before bending and pressing her lips on his.

 

“Happy one year anniversary, my darling!” She whispered into his mouth.

 

Matt replied to her kiss while letting Myra down on the floor. “And happy many, many more!” He whispered back slowly standing up.

 

“You look divine!” He complimented her and carefully brought her left hand to his lips. Matt felt a wave of heat possessing his whole body when he realized that the hand he was kissing would have his ring on it in some twelve hours or less.

 

Alex blushed at his words and smile. She said nothing because Matt always told her that a proper lady should never thank for a well-deserved compliment.

 

“Let’s have breakfast. I bought us tones of macaroons from Ladurée, I made some amazing croissant sandwiches with ham and salad, and I made pancakes with Nutella and bananas…”

 

Alex giggled and imitating him she purred: “Now… aren’t you the perfect boyfriend!!!”

 

“You well know I am…” He teased taking her hand. He led her to the sofa in front of which was the coffee table covered in their delicious breakfast.

 

“So…” Alex asked at some point while rolling a pancake. “Are you finally going to tell me what the plan for today is?”

 

“Well, you well know you’re free to do whatever you want until 6 p.m.” Matt smiled.

 

“Yes, I do remember very well you mentioning this, darling.” She smirked. “But my question was mostly focused on the plan after 6 p.m.”

 

“Oh, really? Well, I have two answers to this question.” He replied biting from a pancake and licking his lips to clean up the Nutella.

 

Alex bit her lower lip but nudged him to continue: “Do tell…”

 

“I can either give you a very famous River Song catchphrase… or I can give in to peer pressure and tell you the whole plan… case in which the mystery will be ruined and everything will be dull. But it’s fully your choice.” Matt replied fluttering his eyelashes.

 

Alex narrowed her eyes and tried to compel him into playing fair! She knew very well Matt only wanted to give her the fake impression of a choice, when actually he sought to guilt trip her into allowing him to take full control over their anniversary. The longer she stared at him with narrowed eyes, the faster he fluttered his eyelashes into an adorable way.

 

“Fine! Spoilers it is!” Alex eventually gave in rolling her eyes. “But you said 6 p.m.! We do whatever I want until then!”

 

“Fine with me, as long as at least a bit of this ‘whatever you want’ involves me admiring how beautiful your silky robe would look on our bedroom’s floor.”

 

Alex started giggling and leaned to kiss him. “I do second the plan of you admiring my dressing gown on the floor… We’ll do just that and then we’ll go for you to choose your present and then we’ll go swimming at the spa… I feel like chasing you in the pool.”

 

“Swimming pool sounds amazing especially if it’s the one with many windows and we can admire the beautiful November rain from inside. Hm… but tell me more about me choosing my present??? I love this idea of choosing… Am I getting another puppy?” Matt grinned enthusiastically starting playing with the pearls around her neck.

 

“No… not another puppy… but another toy.” Alex smiled suddenly straddling him. “The breakfast was amazing, my darling. Can I have desert now?”

 

Matt’s hands immediately got underneath her robe.

 

“Hm…” He moaned. “No knickers…”

 

“Well, I did get explicit instructions not to wear too many clothes…” She purred.

 

“I love when you’re such an obedient girl…”

 

With the rain pouring outside and being their sole witness, Matt stood up with Alex all wrapped around him and walked towards the bedroom while kissing her passionately. He laid her on their bed and slowly untied the robe’s ribbon.

 

Not long after, the very same ribbon was wrapped around Matt’s eyes.

 

“Are we there yet?” He asked impatiently.     

 

“Yes, darling. And If you stay still and keep your eyes closed, I might eve untie your blindfold.”

 

“Please, please… I am curious about my present…” He pleaded with his irresistible childish attitude. Alex giggled and removed the ribbon of her robe from his eyes.

 

“Can I open my eyes now???” Matt asked enthusiastically.

 

“Yes, darling, you can.” Alex responded with a grin.

 

“Wooooow… woooow…. Wooooowwww!!!” He exclaimed twirling and looking all around. “What does this mean?” He asked her with his eyes becoming wider and wider.

 

“What do you think it means?” She laughed enjoying his childish joy.

 

“Are you seriously getting me a new guitar for our anniversary?”

 

“I am seriously getting you a new guitar for our anniversary!”

 

“Really???” He said rising her into the air and spinning her several times. When he stopped and let her back on the ground, he looked teasingly into her eyes: “I thought you said I played noise, not music…”

 

“Well… what can I say, I grew to love that noise you play…” She said pressing her lips on his.

 

“I’ll drive you nuts!!!” Matt declared very proudly. “And I’m picking the Tardis blue one…”

 

“You already drive me nuts… and wish I could say that I am surprised by your choice…” She said rolling her eyes in fake annoyance and then smiled lovingly.

 

The day passed quickly, and before any of them realized how, it was time to change the swimming suits with high heels and bow ties. Alex honestly had no idea where they were heading to, all she knew was that the dress code Matt required was black tie. She obliged and put on her elegant Ellie Saab beige dress. He chose a black suit and decided to wear a matching beige bow tie.

 

Alex smiled when their hire parked in front of the opera.

 

“The King and I…” She said in surprise seeing the posters all around.

 

“I heard of this revival with extremely good critiques, and I thought you’d like it… Shall we?” Matt invited her in, with one hand protectively placed on her back. He led her towards the balcony and ordered a bottle of champagne.

 

When the performance ended, they headed to an elegant restaurant for dinner. Alex was so excited about the musical that she kept on pouring her impressions on Matt. She compared the performance they viewed with the Broadway revival she’s seen in 1996 and gave him countless details regarding the historical background of the plot and music, trivia facts about costumes and backstage gossip from various revivals. Matt was absorbing her every word with fascination and with a wide smile radiating from his lips and eyes.

 

“Oh, I am so sorry for the rant… but I really, really, really loved the musical.” She whispered raising her wine glass.

 

“Don’t bother, my love. I am fascinated to listen to you… and utterly impressed and intrigued by your ability of lecturing on theatre history throughout a three course meal.” He smirked and clinked his glass on hers.

 

Alex laughed and shook her head making her curls bounce. “Not quite throughout a three course meal… I am still just starting the desert.” She excused herself. Matt laughed.   

 

“Thank you, my darling. Today’s been beyond perfect. A little crowning jewel for this wonderful year… Because it’s been a wonderful year, my love. Utterly wonderful! And I want to thank you for it from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for all the thrust you gave me, for all the sacrifices you made for us, for all the love and affection you cover me in.” She stretched a hand and rubbed his cheek with her fingers. Matt smiled and slowly turned his head around to press a kiss on her palm. “I have never felt as safe and protected as when I have you near…”

 

“Oh, my precious… I should thank you for giving me the chance I asked for. I would have never dreamt last year that a day like today would ever come…” Matt stopped suddenly as he heard “Wonderful tonight” by Eric Clapton starting to play. “Let’s dance…” He said abruptly.

 

“But my desert?”

 

“It will still be here… if not we’ll just order another one.” Matt said standing up and offering her his hand.

 

Alex smiled with all her heart and, barely being able to hide her emotions and the butterflies that were hurricaning in her stomach, she followed him to the dancefloor. Matt pulled her close in his arms and they stared moving slowly on the music. Matt kept on whispering into her ear how she was indeed “wonderful tonight”. Alex was just biting her lip hoping Matt could not feel her racing heart. To her surprise, as soon as the song ended, the very familiar tunes of “The Blue Danube” began playing.

 

“Oh, Matt… this cannot be a coincidence.” Alex giggled and she felt her knees becoming weak.

 

“No, it isn’t a coincidence… I told the music guy that we are celebrating our very first anniversary and that at some point, when we felt like it, we would start dancing. I also told him that as soon as he sees us on the dancefloor he has to play our song next… so, Ms. Kingston… just waltz with me…”

 

“Oh, Mr. Smith... how could I ever refuse?”

 

Alex closed her eyes and allowed her body to submit to Matt’s rhythm. She loved the way in which he waltzed. One year later and she was still mesmerized by how graceful her clumsy man could be when it came to dancing. Lost in the moment, she did not even realize when the dance floor slowly got empty and how everyone was fondly staring at them.

 

When the music slowed down and the melody was reaching its end, Matt hugged her to his chest and pressed a kiss on her cheek. Alex bit her lip in anticipation as he pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. Her heart was beating like crazy and she could almost hear his doing the same. Matt took a step back and smiled trying not to shake too visibly.

 

“You surprised me at the table with your beautiful words about our wonderful year and I just started responding with exactly what I meant to say now… Namely that I had the best year of my life, so far. And Alex, I feel terribly blessed you gave me that one chance I asked for, that you fought for us, that you battled your demons, your past, your insecurities for us… that you allowed me to be your… clumsy and childish equivalent of a rock… Because I know that you know that despite all the crazy things I do and say I am just that. You know I am here for you and you know you can lean and rely on me… and I want to keep on being here for you, to love you, to protect you, and to take care of you until the end of time…”

 

Alex’s cheeks were terribly red and she had one hand slowly tormenting the neckline of her Ellie Saab and the other arm wrapped around her waist. She giggled unable to say anything else. Matt looked at her and took a small velvet jewelry sack out from his back pocket. Looking straight into her eyes and smiling like crazy, he slowly knelt on one knee in front of her. With trembling hands he untied the velvet sack and took the ring out of it:

 

“Alexandra Elisabeth Kingston, will you give me the joy, the blessing, and the honour of making you my wife?”

 

Alex gasped and immediately burst into tears while starting nodding frantically.

 

“Yes… yes… yes… of course I will!”

 

Matt tried to control his shaking hands as he placed the ring on her finger. Two tears fell from his eyes as well, as he started kissing her hand repeatedly. Those whose dance and dinner had been interrupted were cheering and applauding. Alex covered her still utterly red face with a hand, while she pulled Matt up with the one he was holding. She jumped into his arms and wrapped herself around his neck. He lifted her into the air and spun her several times before putting her down.

 

“Let’s go have a toast…” Matt managed to say wiping her tears of joy away. Alex nodded and smiled. He placed one arm around her waist and led her back to their table.

 

“Oh…” Alex gasped and started laughing when she saw their table a little rearranged. Her desert disappeared, but instead a small – probably 20cm tall – Tardis cake appeared. Their wine glasses had also been replaced by crystal champagne ones, and a beautiful bouquet of white flowers was placed on Alex’s seat right side.

 

“Oh, Matt…” She whispered smiling. He kissed her cheek once more and invited her to sit.

 

She gladly sat down as her knees were already having troubles keeping her standing. Matt’s smile was brighter than she’s ever seen it in all that time they’ve known each other. Looking into her eyes, he raised his champagne glass and she did the same.

 

“For you, Ms. Kingston, and for all the happiness you brought into my life…”

 

“For you, Mrs. Smith…” She replied with trembling voice. “… and for the life I would not be able to live without you…”

 

They clinked their glasses and sipped from the sparkling beverage. Matt’s eyes got fixed on how Alex’s left hand moved up with the champagne glass. He could not believe how beautifully natural his mother’s ring looked on his fiancé’s finger. Alex followed his eyes and, once she put her glass down, she took the first intense glance at her engagement ring. She bit her lips and a new round of tears fell down her cheeks.

 

“Oh, Matt. This is such a beautiful ring… it’s the most beautiful ring I have seen. Where did you find it?”

 

“It was offered to me… as a ‘you have my blessing’ present.” Matt smiled.

 

Alex looked at him confused. “What… do you mean?”

 

“That’s my mother’s engagement ring. She gave it to me as a way of saying that, despite her choleric behaviour, she does believe in me, in us and in our future together…”

 

“Your mother’s engagement ring… but… Don’t get me wrong… I feel like properly crying now and calling Lynne and telling her how much this means to me… but won’t your father be offended?”

 

Matt laughed. “No. I am pretty sure that it was exactly something dad said that determined her to take this initiative… I also had some doubts about it in the beginning. I did read about whether this was a good idea or not. I mean, when mom gave me the ring I felt so happy I could explode. I love the ring and I knew for a fact that you will adore it… but I just wanted to make sure I don’t jinx anything by accepting the ring. Who knows what magical mystical superstitious… stuff… could be involved? But neh! I couldn’t find anything to worry about and I think it’s actually very, very, very cool. And, as a matter of fact, I read that in some countries they actually do this a lot… if the mother in law really likes and approves of the bride-to-be, she is happy to show it by passing on the ring… I bet it’s with small stuff like these that royalty was born…” He laughed.

 

She laughed as well and, reaching for his hand, she squeezed it lovingly before lifting it up to her lips and kissing it.

 

“I love you, Matt…”

 

“I love you too, Alex.”

 

“Oh… I am such a mess now. I am on a rollercoaster of emotions. I feel like laughing and crying and smiling and crying and laughing again… all at once!!! So, since I apparently am not hyper enough… what about we eat our Tardis engagement cake…” She laughed.

 

“Do you like it?” Matt asked enthusiastically.

 

“Are you kidding??? I love it!!! Is it with chocolate?”

 

Matt nodded and dragged his chair next to her. He wrapped an arm around her waist as she brought the cake closer to them. Each grabbed their spoon and, with huge smirks, stabbed them into the Tardis. Alex looked at him and flew her spoon to his lips.

 

“Ah… a chocolate Tardis is the only thing better than a Tardis!” Matt declared rolling his eyes in pleasure. Alex just laughed and shook her head in approval. They started laughing and joking and teasing each other while eating the cake and drinking one bottle of champagne after another.

 

“You knew… didn’t you?” Matt asked at some point and looked at her with a big smile.

 

“Yes… of course I knew.”

 

“Of course you knew! How did you know?”

 

“Oh, please… I knew ever since Salome and the Gossip Girl episode. I knew what she was after with all the talk about weddings and proposals. I made that person, remember??? I can read her very well! But I really wanted to play the game as well. So I secretly joined in. I was curious how far you would be willing to go if I just gave you a script to follow… go to my dad, take me to the opera, seats in the balcony, take me to restaurant, dance with me, kneel on the dance floor…” Alex said bursting into laughter and burying her face into her palms.

 

“Are you kidding me???” Matt said narrowing his eyes.

 

“No…” Alex admitted still laughing with her head in her palms.

   

“Oh… you little… minx!” Matt replied suddenly biting her shoulder.

 

“Auuuu!!!” She said still laughing.

 

“I thought I was a step ahead of you!!!” Matt confessed while looking at her with some big puppy dog eyes.

 

“And I was a step ahead of your step ahead.” She winked while he suddenly frowned at her again. “What? I could not allow an advantage without taking one myself…”

 

Matt just shook his head in fake disapproval and took another spoon of the already almost over cake.

 

“How did you figure out I knew?” Alex inquired resting her head on his shoulder.

 

“Today. The whole day. Everything we’ve done… the way you acted, the questions you did not ask, the lack of your ever present curiosity and the feeling of constant anticipation from your eyes...”

 

“I did ask in the morning what we were doing…” Alex excused herself smiling.

 

“Oh, yes, you did tick the curiosity box… but Alex, my dear, tell me once when you really wanted an answer and you were not able to extract it from me…”

 

She laughed. “Fair point...”

 

With her head still on his shoulder, she looked around. “They’re soon going to close the place… it’s only us left…”

 

“Do you want to go home?” Matt asked pressing his lips on her forehead.

 

“Only if you want. Do you want to go somewhere else?” Alex asked suddenly taking her head from his shoulder and looking at him mischievously.

 

“I want to get drunk with you… terribly drunk…”

 

“I already am on the right track with all the champagne…” Alex laughed. “Let’s go to a club.”

 

“A club??? But you’re all fancy dress and high heels…”

 

“Yes, a club! Who cares if we’re a bit overdressed! Let’s go do countless shots and dance on noise till they kick us out!”

 

“Oh… I would love that!!!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Oh, Matt… I am so sorry we have to drive to my parents’ house. I have no idea what was so urgent that it could not wait till the weekend.” Alex said rolling her eyes and looking through the car’s window at the pouring November rain.

 

“No worries, precious.” Matt said with a smile and softly placed a hand on her leg.

 

“But you are hangover and your head hurts…” Alex insisted.

 

“I will live. After all it’s four in the afternoon. It was about time for us to get out of bed.” He assured her smiling.

 

“Well, I might have another opinion on that one.” She said rolling her eyes and Matt smiled.

 

Not long after that, Matt parked the car in front of Alex’s parents’ house. Alex knocked hard a couple of times. No answer. She rolled her eyes and insisted with the buzzer. She loved how her engagement ring was shining on her finger so she continued keeping her left hand on the buzzer.

 

“Love… love…” Matt laughed. “You’ll wake up the dead… let’s just check the door.”

 

Alex nodded and tried the door which immediately opened. Although no one seemed to be home, the two entered the house.

 

“Mother? Father???” Alex called but received no reply so she went to the kitchen. “Where are they?” Alex asked getting out of the kitchen.

 

Matt lifted his shoulders looking around. “Mr. Kingston??? Mrs. Kingston???”

 

“Honest to God!” Alex said rolling her eyes annoyed.

 

“Maybe they’re in the back yard and they cannot hear you, like always.”

 

“It’s November, and it’s raining…” She complained.

 

“I don’t know…” Matt excused himself lifting his shoulders.

 

Alex rolled her eyes again and went towards the big living room, the one that had the ‘official’ exit towards the back yard. When she opened the door she was greeted by many voices shouting:

 

“CONGRATULATIONS!!!”

 

Alex looked around unable to believe her eyes. Her parents, both her sisters, her brother in law, her nephews, her future sister-in-law, and her future parents-in-law. Jennifer. Harry. Arthur. Karen. Jenna. Steven Moffat with his family. And, out of nowhere, Salome ran towards her and jumped into her arms, while Myra (which had been in Laura’s care the other day) was running all around them.

 

“What are you doing here???” Alex asked her child while kissing her curls.

 

“I could not miss the engagement party, now could I… Not when I planned 80% of the whole proposal!” Salome replied giggling and winking to Matt.

 

Alex laughed delighted. She was amazed by the surprise and hurried to greet everyone. With huge smiles on their faces the newly engaged couple accepted all the congratulations of their families and friends. Everyone started mingling, enjoying the delicious foods and Margarethe’s homemade wine. Leaving Laura and Nicola finish their conversation alone, Alex turned around and looked for Matt. When she spotted him she walked towards where he was and dragged him to one corner of the room.

 

“You knew I knew, didn’t you?” She inquired with a grin.

 

“Of course, I knew you knew… You’ve been too docile lately. You accepted too eagerly to fly over with me just for two weeks. I did not lie to you when I said that I had work related stuff to attend in London… I did go to see a couple of contracts, but I mostly put things in order for yesterday and today.”

 

“You impossible man… I thought I was a step ahead of your step ahead…”

 

“Well, looks like I was a step ahead of your step ahead over my step ahead… What can I say? I could not allow an advantage without taking one myself…” He imitated her with a wink.

 

“Oh, you little minx.” Alex replied imitating him in return and wrapped her arms around him as if her life depended on it. She pressed her lips on his and started kissing him passionately.  

 

Lynne and Margarethe, who were on the sofa chatting, looked at them and then at each other. Lynne smiled and so did Margarethe. They raised their glasses and clinked them in a common gesture of acceptance.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweeties. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I cannot wait to read your impressions on it!!! <3 <3 <3
> 
> Funny thing I noticed: all my multiple of ten chapters (10, 20, 30) presented a special moment in the life of our favourite couple: their first night together, their decision of moving in together, and now their engagement. I am a very ocd person (guilty as charged) but I swear this happened without me planning it. Hahaha.
> 
> Also, as you probably noticed from my various stories, I tend to be quite a fashionista. Keeping up to date with the works of various designers is a hobby I've had with my mom for ages. Most of the outfits I pick for my Alex are not what she'd normally wear irl, and I know this... However, I can totally imagine her wearing my favourite designers and I simply love it. I usually spend hours trying to choose her outfits, which obviously slows down my writing - but I simply cannot stop doing it. To make it more visual for anyone interested, anytime I will describe an outfit from now on I will try to post a link with what I have in mind.
> 
> Lanvin butterfly print dressing gown:  
> http://www.lwcloset.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/LANVIN-butterfly-print-wrap-dress.jpg  
> http://cdn-images.farfetch.com/10/53/78/01/10537801_2714795_322.jpg
> 
> Elie Saab beige dress:  
> http://media.style.com/image/ts/slideshows/2011/fashionshows/2012PF/ESAAB/RUNWAY/683/1024/023fullscreen.jpg


	31. Don't ask, don't tell!

Monday, November 24th, 2014 – L.A.  

 

He was sitting on the sofa with his laptop on his knees.

 

“What are you doing? You look so terribly focused.” She asked walking slowly towards him while towel drying her hair.

 

Ralph did not even bother to lift his eyes from the screen to look at her: “Didn't you leave already? I thought you left. I'm just checking stuff on my email.”

 

“What kind of stuff?” Dianne insisted while sitting next to him. She was in her swimming suit coming from the pool after what had apparently been a late night swim. She threw the towel on the edge of the sofa and passed a hand through her long blonde hair before leaning to press a kiss on his cheek.

 

Ralph rolled his eyes and almost pulled away: “I am checking different ballet programs for Vanessa. I got in touch with this retired prim-ballerina. She apparently is a star and the best of best. I asked her to give me some advice regarding ballet classes and she sent me a ten pages long feedback on different ballet programs or dancing schools…”

 

“Aham…” Dianne nodded and lowered the screen of his laptop.

 

“What are you doing???” Ralph replied snappily and immediately brought the laptop’s flap in functional position.

 

“No… no… no… leave the laptop away.” Dianne whispered taking the laptop from his hands and placing it on the coffee table in front of them.

 

“No. I was actually checking…” Ralph began but she stopped him by suddenly straddling him and starting kissing him passionately.

 

“Dianne… wait… wait…” He complained.

 

“I want to have sex now! I will not wait!”

 

“But Dianne…”

 

“Don’t you dare… don’t you dare to reject me again! It’s been almost three weeks.” She snapped pressing her lips on his neck.

 

“Pff, now you’re counting?” Ralph replied rolling his eyes and trying to avoid her lips. Dianne started biting his neck, while her hands were roaming underneath his shirt.

 

“Yes, I bloody am! Because I will crawl on the walls soon!”

 

“I am pretty sure I’m not your only relationship so please don’t act like you really need this… Just get off me…” Ralph said trying to slowly push her away again.

 

Dianne slapped him so hard his face moved to one side. Ralph sighed and rolled his eyes while Dianne returned to kissing his neck.

 

“Come on, Ralph… come on… come on, please…”

 

“Fine! Just get off me and go to the bedroom.”

 

“Nooo… here it’s fine… we're not married for one hundred years to do bedroom stuff! Bedroom’s just boring…” She said smiling and pressing her lips on his.

 

“Dianne! I said go to the bedroom if you want to get any! My child is sleeping a couple of rooms away and I won’t have her waking up and witness us shagging in the living room!” He said firmly, moving her off him. 

 

Dianne sighed and stood up dramatically rolling her eyes. “Fine. Bedroom it is…” She leaned to pick her towel from the sofa and turned around to leave towards the bedroom.

 

Ralph fought the urge of rolling his eyes as well, stood up and followed her. When he entered the bedroom Dianne was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at him. She was just sitting there, looking quite sad. Ralph stared into those sad eyes for a long second and then his lips curved into half a smile. He walked slowly towards the bed and bent to kiss her.

 

“Come on… up.” He said helping her to stand up. She looked at him confused, but just then Ralph started kissing her passionately. “You want crazy, I’ll give you crazy. It’s not as if any man in his right mind can say ‘no’ to a beautiful young lady like you…”

 

“You did say ‘no’…” She whispered while he was kissing her neck and playing with the bow of her swimming suit.

 

“I did… but it was a big mistake…” Ralph assured her and with a quick move he manhandled her across the room, towards the wall. He pinned her on the wall still kissing her neck and roaming his hands over her almost naked body. He used his knee to part her legs and Dianne gasped rolling her eyes in pleasure.

 

“Tell me what you want?” He asked on a low voice biting her neck.

 

“You… I want you…” She barely managed to whisper.

 

“If you want me so much… can I mark you as mine?”

 

“Yes… yes… please…”

 

Ralph giggled continuing biting her neck: “Won’t that fiancé of yours have a problem with it?”

 

“He…” Dianne started but she found it hard to speak because of the waves of heat that were possessing her body.

 

“He what?”

 

“He already had a problem with it… the wedding which was meant to be in July had been off since May… but thanks for asking… better late than never…” She said on a very sarcastic tone.

 

“Oops…” Ralph said laughing.

 

“Just shut up and show me it was worth giving up my diamond ring for the trouble of solving an old man’s marriage problems…”

 

“Whom do you call old?” He whispered pressing his body on hers and letting her feel him through the clothes. He was already half hard. He started teasing her with open mouthed kisses on her cleavage and slowly rubbed himself on her. He caught one of her nipples between his teeth through her still wet swimming suit.

 

“Oh, Ralph…” Dianne moaned feeling her head spinning.

 

Ralph smiled on her skin and forced her legs to part even more. He kept moving his mouth over her skin until he just dropped on his knees, all of a sudden, and pressed his lips over her bikini.

 

“Please…” She begged losing her mind. How could he be so infuriatingly teasing?

 

He laughed some more and made a wave of hot breath through the fabric, making Dianne’s tights spasm a little.

 

“Ralph please… please…”

 

“If I grant you your wish now, wouldn’t that be just bedroom-boring to you? Please tell me again how much the old man with marriage issues bores you…”

 

“I am sorry, ok? I am sorry I called you old and boring… what else do you want? Tell me what you want to hear and I will say anything, just stop torturing me!”

 

“Sweetheart, I’m going to tease you until you fall off your feet…”

 

Ralph smirked looking up at her as he slowly pulled the bikini to one side. He bent just to give her a tentative lick, moaning at the taste just to torment her some more.

 

“I feel like climbing up the wall, Ralph… please…” Dianne cried.

 

Ralph pulled her bikini down till they fell on the floor. He lifted her right leg and placed it over his shoulder. Having better access to her, he just shoved his tongue inside. Dianne started moaning loudly as he thrust two fingers inside her. He played with his tongue over her clit, while his fingers were rhythmically dancing.

 

“More please…” Dianne asked starting to melt down the wall, her legs giving in.

 

Ralph suddenly stood up and wrapped his arms around her waist lifting her up into the air. Dianne automatically wrapped her legs around his middle as he carried her to the bed. He violently dropped her onto it taking off his shorts. He climbed on top of her and removed his t-shirt and her bra, while she reached for the condoms that were in his bed table’s drawer. Dianne’s eyes were shinning and her lips were curved into a big smile, as he lowered his basin and entered her with a rough thrust. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to meet his lips. Ralph kissed her back hungrily, while moving faster and faster.

 

It was not long until Dianne screamed in pleasure and Ralph collapsed next to her. He placed a kiss on her forehead before standing up to dispose of the condom.

 

“Satisfied now?” He asked when he returned from the bathroom. Dianne nodded standing up from bed.

 

“Are you leaving?” Ralph asked looking at her confused.

 

“Just to take a shower. I'm not in the mood to leave.”

 

Ralph nodded and watched her enter the bathroom. He sighed as soon as the door closed and grabbed his head into his hands. He was so tired to see Dianne next to him! He was so tired of her!

 

He put his shorts on, a t-shirt, and climbed into the bed. He sighed some more listening to the sound of water pouring into the shower.   

 

he started resenting her presence almost constantly. She was becoming more and more demanding, but how could he ever do without her? She was his personal… everything. How did he allow her to take so full control over his life? When did it happen?

 

“Dianne…” Ralph whispered and rolled his eyes trying to recall the exact moment when Dianne Nightingale became his puppet master. He met her in the summer of 2009. She was merely 21 back then. A beautiful hooker at a depraved Hollywood party. He liked her. He took her. He did that a lot and he didn’t care. But she was different. From the very first night she was different. She was not only beautiful and leggy, she was witty. More than witty: she was intelligent. She won him over with her charm. She dreamt to become a model. He helped her to become a model! He spent a lot money in order to build her a career. He made her decently big. But she never seemed satisfied with that. She said it bored her... She wanted more and more and more of everything! And for some reason he just gave that to her. The more she received from him, the more she occupied his life. She slowly got to know everything about his life and his career. She slowly took charge of everything. Oh, and it’s been so easy to let her do that: let her deal with everything in his behalf. He needed only to ask, to mutter a wish, and Dianne would turn hell around to fulfill that wish. Easy… that’s how life with Dianne was. Easy. Easy to the point of stupidity and ignorance. How could he surrender so blindly? He no longer had any idea of his own contracts, of his own accounts, of his own businesses…

 

“What are you thinking about?”

 

Ralph startled and stared automatically at her. His eyes firstly fell on her long bare legs. That’s what 21 years old Dianne meant to him back then: long bare legs. His eyes them moved to his white shirt she was dressed with. His white shirt and tablet in her hands, most probably dealing with something regarding his career, even if it was the middle of the night and she just left the shower - that’s what 26 years old Dianne meant to him now.

 

“What are you thinking about, I asked?” Dianne repeated.

 

“Alex…” Ralph lied. “I was thinking about Alex and about how you did not do anything useful in the matter in ages.”

 

“I am working on it. Useful is about to happen.” She said climbing onto bed and under the duvet with the tablet still in her hands. “We need to start exploiting your daddy charm soon. We should somehow plan a meeting between Alex and Vanessa…”

 

“They met…” Ralph said almost whispering.

 

“What???” Dianne inquired suddenly turning her full attention towards him. “When???”

 

“Ah… just before Halloween?”

 

“Just before Halloween??? That’s almost a month ago! Why the hell didn’t you tell me? What did you do? I hope you took full advantage of the experience and you exploited the situation…”

 

“I didn’t…”

 

“Excuse me???”

 

“I didn’t… I couldn’t.”

 

“You couldn’t?” Dianne asked on an angry tone staring at him. Ralph closed his eyes to avoid her scolding look. 

 

“I couldn’t. I was shopping for Halloween with Vanessa and she went full spoiled child on me stomping her feet and crying for chocolate pumpkin. I didn’t want to give in to that and I tried to reason with her, telling her that we’d buy the chocolate pumpkin once we finished shopping for everything we had on the shopping list. She nodded, but the little devil had other plans and before I blinked twice she was gone… I panicked. I would lie to say something else. The supermarket was very busy. Everyone was out shopping for Halloween. I got paranoid making all sort of doomsday scenarios in my head about my child being kidnapped and about never seeing her again… Vanessa bumped accidentally into Alex… and they were chatting when I found them. I just took Vanessa and left with my little koala. I thought about how I could have milked that opportunity only later in the day… But honest to God, Dianne, please don’t go full mental on me… On the spot, I really could not think past the fright of losing my child. I did not care about Alex standing there when I hugged Vanessa to my chest. Say what you want, I don’t care. I had other priorities at that moment than trying to woo a woman who does not give a shit about me…”

 

“Ok…” Dianne said smirking.

 

“Ok? Just like that?” Ralph asked confused looking at her.

 

“Yes, just like that. You did very well. I am sure you made a hell of an impression on Alex with that attitude… we’ll work on exploiting that impression. Now. We need to make you and Vanessa more visible. I got a part for Vanessa in a Disney production. She’s going to be a little star.”

 

“Excuse you???” Ralph said suddenly turning his head towards her and staring into her blue eyes.

 

“Mere exposure, Ralph. This is basic psychology. Exposure can influence attraction under a large variety of conditions. You need to get loud and visible, in the best way possible. You are going to invade Alex’s life from the outside. She will be forced, metaphorically speaking, to bump into you and news of you and your amazing parental skills. Exposure has also another key strategic benefit: it alters our perceptions about our similarities with the others. Being constantly exposed to a person or situation makes one to unconsciously or consciously seek the similarit…”

 

“Stop. Stop. Just stop. This is a big no.”

 

“What?” Dianne asked narrowing her eyes.

 

“I said no! You are in no way using Vanessa in this way. You are not exploiting my child like this.”

 

“Who said anything about exploiting Vanessa? I would never do anything like that.”

 

“You might be blind from your bubble of scheming and plotting, but from where I am standing your whole idea of making Vanessa a Disney star looks exactly like exploiting my child! You are nuts! You are out of your mind. What sort of exposure are you even talking about??? Exposing my child to Alex through media? To Alex and to million other people out there!” Ralph was getting increasingly angry. “Are you even thinking with that blonde head of yours? Are you insane, Dianne? You are in no way making my child famous!”

 

“My child, my child! Ralph. Nothing is going to happen.” Dianne provoked him.

 

“I said no! And it stays no! Vanessa had a lot of troubles in her life with losing her mother and her father abandoning her! You well know the orphanage was hell for her. She is slowly adapting to her new life and she is happier every day! I am not spending two hours per day at a psychologist with my child for you to mess up with her little brain again. Vanessa wants to be a ballerina. Did you even consider asking her opinion on being an actress in a stupid Disney show?”

 

“Her opinion? Ralph… she’s five.”

 

“Are you honestly suggesting she cannot have an opinion at five? My child wants to be a ballerina and I am freaking going to make sure she becomes one!”

 

“Every five years old wants to be a ballerina!”

 

“Might as well! But Vanessa muttered her wish and I obliged. She wants to be a ballerina and she will take ballet classes until she gets bored and changes her mind, if that is going to happen.”

 

“But, Ralph…”

 

“Non-negotiable, Dianne! I’m done with your stupid idea of involving Vanessa in your plan, whatever the plan is. Vanessa is out of any plan of yours. That’s it!!!”

 

“Out of the Alex plans? Ralph, is this the moment when I remind you that you got Vanessa precisely for creating the whole getting-Alex-back plan?”

 

“I honestly do not care! Think of something else…” Ralph said categorically. Dianne looked at him and nodded.

 

“So be it. Fine. I will compensate the losses somehow. The other bit of the plan will show its first results soon… Which is good, because we are running out of time. I know Alex is in London and about to get engaged…”

 

“What? Are you sure. This cannot be true! How do you know? How can you possible know something like this?” Ralph asked half alarmed.

 

“My boyfriend told me.”

 

“Your boyfriend?” He frowned.

 

“Remember I told you I know people in Alex’s inner circle?”

 

“Your boyfriend is in Alex’s inner circle?”

 

“My boyfriend is Alex’s publicist.”

 

“What? You're dating Alex's publicist? How? Since when?”

 

“Since March, when you asked me to bring Alex back to you. I knew I had to get closer to her somehow, in order to find out easier what's going on.”

 

“Since March??? But you were engaged in March!”

 

“Yes, and I am hanging out with you for five years now and no one knows. I do not care much about fidelity and exclusivity as you might have noticed.”

 

Ralph shook his head still unable to come at terms with the news: “You are dating Alex’s publicist? Like properly dating her publicist?"

 

"Yes, like properly dating her publicist. And we are very much in love, as a matter of fact. And by we, I mean him."

 

"Is this your plan? Sabotaging her career?” He asked frowning.

 

“Yes. She could do with a middle age crisis. Don’t you think?”

 

“How is this going to work?”

 

“Simple. While Matt’s career is prospering, Alex’s will go spiraling down. I got her three auditions in some amazing productions! Two in late January, one after another and one in mid February. She will be rejected straight away from two of them… age and appearance and all that crap. However, she will get the third part. That's the main role in a drama addressing the frustration of a successful politician's life. Everything will be well for like a week or so, but just before the contracts have to be signed, she will be unfortunately announced that some younger woman is more appropriate to play the role of someone Alex's age. But, you know, someone younger, thinner, and more plastic looks better on the screen even when she playing your age… Obviously all this will happen while she gets ready for her wedding. Wedding preparation anxiety getting all mixed up with an avalanche of career failures. Might mess her up a bit. They are in London now, as I said. The other day, Matt saw a contract I kindly suggested to his publicist. If Matt accepts the part, which I am positive of, he will star opposite to the lovely Lily James. You might have heard of her. She just finished with a new production of Cinderella. The film will get out in the beginning of next year and the girl will become a royal sensation! Since Matt and Alex will be both quite busy with their own separate issues, they will have to keep on postponing the wedding until around the beginning of the summer. Or at least this is how my calculations go. Once Matt and Lily start filming together, I count on them to be photographed a lot and for word to get out about how charming they look together and how Matt is sabotaging his own life with someone like Alex Kingst…”

 

“I got the point. You can shut up now. You make me sick.”

 

“No need to be judgmental. You know what Machiavelli said: the ends justify the means.”

 

“That’s not what he meant! The phrase was taken out of context and it was badly translated. It’s one of the most infamous misquotations of all time!” Ralph said shaking his head.

 

“Oh well, so is Marie Antoinette’s ‘let them have cake’ and I don’t see you jumping at my throat to defend her reputation…” Dianne replied sassily.

 

“What does a hooker like you know about psychology theories and history trivia?”

 

“Oh Ralph, don’t you know that I was an intellectual in my previous life? Or maybe… just maybe, there is more to me than just my body, my plotting and my scheming…”

 

“As if…” He laughed teasingly but Dianne seemed not to appreciate the joke.

 

“Look, if you don’t approve of the ways in which I fight my way around the big bad world just to grant your wishes, then at least have the decency to settle for a don’t-ask-don’t-tell-policy.” She said bitterly.

 

“Why?”

 

“Why? Because otherwise you just sound like an ungrateful bastard and it annoys me and it drives me mad!”

 

“No… I meant why are you doing all these things for me?”

 

“You asked, I did. Problem?”

 

“I just wish I understood…”

 

Dianne looked deeply into his eyes and for a second she really considered telling him the whole truth. For a second she really considered telling him why she felt so grateful and in debt towards him, why she considered him her guardian angel. How would he react if he knew the truth about all the money she milked from him? How would he react if he knew how sad and broken she was? How would he react if he knew that there had never been a Disney role for Vanessa, that there had never been a get-Alex-back-plan that included Vanessa in it? That she said all those words to prove to him and to herself he was a good father? How would he react if she told him she wanted nothing else and nothing more than to have a family with him and his sweet child? That she couldn’t have children of her own and that the thought of their little family had been the sole motivation behind her suggestion of adopting a child... How would he react if he knew she cared nothing about that stupid Alex because she just loved him and wanted him for herself?

 

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t say any of those because Ralph wanted Alex – that Devil whispering into his ear! He wanted his ex-wife and that was more important to her than anything she wanted for herself.

 

“There is nothing to understand… I am doing it for the thrill of it.” Dianne said with a bright smile. "Now go to bed. I'm working."


	32. The Butterfly Effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone. 
> 
> Super sorry for the long periods of time in between updates. The summer proved to be way busier than I expected it to. Anyway, I just want to thank you all for still reading this story, which is getting super long. Hope you're still enjoying it. I am eagerly waiting for your feedback. Xx

Saturday, January 24th, 2015 – London

 

_"Ms. Kingston, you know... you were just brilliant and you really seemed to fit the part... but I am not sure you are exactly what we are looking for. Your hair is gorgeous and it would add a very unique and distinctive note to the character, but I'm afraid we're looking for someone... well... well, younger and maybe a size and a half smaller. Please don't take this personally because it's just... blah, blah, blah, blah..."_

The words were still spinning frantically in her head even one hour after she left the audition. Of course it was not the first time she was rejected like that. Of course she's heard those stupid pointless excuses before. Of course she did not take it personally because it was just... blah, blah, blah, blah! 

 

Screw it! Just screw it all! She did take it personally! Very much so!  

 

They could not tell her not to take it personally when it was obviously as personal as it got! _You_ did not get the role because _you_ are not young enough and _you_ are not slim enough. And they dared to tell her it was nothing personal??? The nerve of some people! 

 

She sighed. It was not the first time she was rejected on those grounds, but that didn't mean it was any easier on her. Alex felt her self-esteem slowly sinking as she looked around to spot Matt in the crowded Costa café. She rolled her eyes and almost growled. Why couldn't he just pick a small, nice and cozy place? Why on earth that stupid, big, noisy Costa???

 

She hadn’t felt like telling him about the audition when he called, so she just had to accept his insistences of joining him for a coffee. But she didn’t feel like being there. In fact, she did not feel like being anywhere around him. She felt anxious and edgy. She didn’t want to go to meet him because Matt was able to see right through any kind of mask she wanted to put on. And she did not want him to know she was sad, because she simply did not want to tell him about the audition and that was that! He simply did not have how to understand her! He simply did not have how to understand what she felt! How could he? He was a young man with a bright career ahead. He was receiving countless invitations for auditions and he had to turn them down because he was otherwise contracted. What could he ever understand about the frustrations of a passé actress? 

 

Alex rolled her eyes. She was so unfair and she knew it. Her thoughts were filled with unjustified reproaches towards the man who loved her unconditionally, towards her loyal companion, her ever supportive fiancé. She sighed and lowered her eyes, mentally scolding herself for thinking all those bad things about Matt. 

 

Just in that moment his laughter reached her ears. She frowned and lifted her head to look around. Where was he and what was he doing? Laughing like a fool by himself? 

 

She figured that the noise came from behind the corner, so she took a couple more steps and there he was: Matt Smith sitting at a large table and laughing his head off at something his lovely co-star, Lily James, had just said. 

 

Alex just stood there and stared at them. Her eyes started scanning Lily from head to toes. Heaven she was beautiful! So delicate. Just like a flower. So slim and fair. Her blonde hair was shining like the sand on a sunny beach. Her eyes were so bright and glowing of joy. She was grinning with her mouth reaching her ears. And there was not a single line on her face. Not a single line around her eyes, not a single line around her mouth and nose… 

 

Lost in her thoughts, Alex was terribly startled when Matt turned his head and noticed her. He stood up immediately, a smile curving his lips, and went to her. Matt kissed her cheek and smiled even wider: 

 

"My precious! You’re here! How was it?" He asked with eyes full of joy. Alex looked into those joyful eyes and faked a smile:

 

"It was fine. It was very well." She said quickly.

 

"That's my girl. Come on! Let me officially introduce you the lovely and brilliant Lily James. Lilzy, meet Alex, my fiancé." 

 

Lily smiled and stood up to shake Alex's hand. 

 

"I’m Lily James. It’s such an honour to meet you at last! Matt cannot stop talking about you. Actually, we were doing just that when you arrived." The younger woman said giggling.

 

"Alex Kingston. Very nice to meet you too. Sorry about Matt's lectures. Hope he does not bore you to death!"

 

"Oh, no. Not at all! On the contrary. I am actually fascinated both by his storytelling abilities and his surreal muse." Lily said reaching for her wallet.  

 

Alex smiled sadly. She suddenly felt way worse than before. Oh, Matt. That incredible man indeed acted most times as if she were some sort of heavenly being! What on Earth was he thinking to waste all his resources on someone like her? But more importantly: what on Earth was she thinking to allow him do that? How could she be so self…

 

"Alex?" 

 

She startled. She did not realize that Matt invited her to sit down and Lily asked her something else.

 

"Sorry. Sorry. My mind just flew away for a second... What were you saying, Lily?"

 

"No worries." Lily said with a bright smile. "I was just asking what sort of coffee you wanted. I'll go get myself another latte and a piece of carrot cake before the others arrive."

 

"The others?" Alex asked confused, while finally deciding to take the seat next to Matt. 

 

"Our mates.” Matt said placing an arm around her chair. “The other actors from the production. This is our first day off since we started filming, so we decided to meet and share our opinions on everything and everyone else." 

 

"Ahams..." Alex nodded biting her lips. She smiled again: “I want no coffee for now, Lily… I’m good.”

 

"Sure thing. I'll be back in a mo." Lily excused herself with a wide smile.

 

Matt followed the young actress with his eyes until she got out of sight. Then he turned immediately towards Alex and stared at her intensely:

 

"Everything ok?"

 

"Yes sure." She assured him with a fake smile.

 

"Alex..."

 

“Everything’s fine, really.”

 

“Alex, I did not meet you yesterday.”

 

She rolled her eyes and snorted: "I didn't get it, ok?"

 

"What?" Matt asked frowning.

 

"The part, Matthew! I did not get the part!" Alex said through clenched teeth.

 

"Not what I meant, love... I understood that. ‘What’ as in ‘what the hell were they thinking’? Why would they do something stupid like that?"

 

"Because I am not young and beautiful enough..."

 

"Bullshit!" Matt said banging his fist on the table.

 

"Might be. But that's exactly what they said." Alex responded lifting her shoulders.

 

"Morons... they have no idea what they..."

 

"Whatever!" Alex cut him immediately. "No point in trying to make me feel better now. I need some time. I will go home. See you there?" Alex said standing up.

 

"Come on, Alex. Don't be like this..." Matt said grabbing her hand. “It happens sometimes… you have another audition next Friday. And that's for a way better production. Don’t think too much about this audition… Just stay. Coffee… please… I want you to meet the guys. They’re really cool…”

 

"Matt, please. I really am not in the mood to smile and pretend to be ok in front of a bunch of young and successful and employed actors and blonde actresses with bright smiles and no lines and no extra kilos and no…"

 

"Ok, ok." Matt said standing up as well. Alex shut up and thanked him with her eyes for his understanding. She leaned to press a kiss on his cheek but stopped when she saw that Matt took his phone and wallet and put them in his pocket. 

 

"What are you doing?" Alex asked frowning.

 

"Coming home with you, what else?" Matt replied on a casual voice. 

 

"Matt, there is absolutely no need..."

 

"Alex, there is absolutely every need. I'm not leaving you alone. Myra needs a walk. We should go to the park and relax." He smiled. 

 

"Matt..."

 

"Yes, love?" Matt replied kissing her cheek and placing his arm protectively around her waist.

 

"Thank you..." Alex said with tears forming into her eyes.

 

Matt smiled brightly. "I would never just leave you alone when sad, my precious. Not ever! And definitely not for a coffee and a bunch of blonde actresses." He winked and pulled her into his arms caressing her curls. Alex buried her nose into his shoulder and found comfort in his embrace.

 

“Oh, you two are utterly adorable.” Lily said while placing her coffee and cake on the table. Matt broke the embrace and looked at his co-star with a smile:

 

“Yes, I like to think so myself.”

 

“Why are you two standing?” Lily asked while laughing at his cheeky line.

 

“Lilzy, we’re kinda heading off, if you don’t mind.” Matt said softly. “My mother called and…”

 

“Actually, clingy fiancé feels under the moon, so for some reason he insists to accompany me home. I think he is just terrified of what would happen to him otherwise.” Alex said on a sarcastic tone while rolling her eyes. Lily started chuckling and nodded:

 

“Seems just right to me. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” Lily said winking towards Alex. “I hope to see you at Brianna’s party next Friday, though. She’s one of the other girls from the production and she has a birthday. So we were planning some dancing and boozing.”

 

“I’ll do my best to be there.” Alex said with a smile that seemed more genuine than all the previous ones.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Friday, January 30th, 2015 – London 

 

Alex pressed play to her voicemail:

 

_Hello, precious. You did not answer my phone call. Did you get a response from the audition? Hope everything is ok. I just finished for today and I am leaving the studios. I’ll be home in one hour or so. We won’t have much time to get ready for Bria’s birthday. I will get her a present on my way home. Can you please iron me a long sleeves shirt? A funny coloured one. Ok. Gotta drive. Love you. Bye._

 

Alex rolled her eyes and placed the phone on his pillow. Then she curled up in a ball putting the duvet over her head.

 

_~ Brianna’s birthday. What on Earth would you do at Brianna’s birthday? Like honest to God, the girl turns 26! You could so be her mother and a parent is the last thing a young person wants at her birthday party! You’re just going to be a fish out of the water. And you’re going to have to explain how you fucked up two auditions in one week and they are going to laugh in your face and tell you how they declined two auditions in one day because they are oh so working and so busy... ~_

Alex clenched her teeth while the tears started streaming down her face. She felt so bad, and as usual her inner voice was not helping. What was wrong with the people in that industry? Didn’t they have feelings at all? She could understand a ‘no’ in itself, a ‘no’ to her acting skills… but how could people look her in the eye and so bluntly tell her she is old? As if that was a crime! How could they just not realize that aging was normal? How could those horrible girls who called themselves actresses although they were just some fake models stare at her as if they were making an inventory of all her wrinkles? What was wrong with the stupid society and its outrageous standards of beauty, of worthiness, of… everything?

 

All she wanted to do was sleep and forget. She cared nothing for Brianna and her stupid birthday! And Matt could iron his own shirt! She was no one’s maid!

 

She stood up from the bed and went out of the room. As soon as she opened the door, the dog she locked outside the bedroom started jumping on her. Alex rolled her eyes:

 

“Get lost, Myra!!!”

 

The dog did not seem to mind her mistress’ moods and followed her to the kitchen. Alex ignored the lively puppy as she opened the drugs drawer. She took a couple of sleeping pills and poured herself a glass of cold water. Then she thought of writing a note to Matt:

 

_Did not get the part. Too old and fat for that as well. My inner voice is tormenting me. I cannot stand hearing it. I feel very down and being around young people is the last thing I need. I took a couple of sleeping pills and that should knock me out till morning. Please go to the party. I am upset enough without you adding to the pile of guilt. Enjoy and live a little and have fun._

_Alex. Xx_

 

“Come on, Myra.” Alex said turning around and walking back to the bedroom. She let the dog in this time. Alex climbed back on the bed and patted the space next to her. Myra looked confused for a second. What if that was a trap? _Daddy_ allowed her to climb the bed, sofa, and armchairs whenever _mommy_ was not looking. But _mommy_ never under any circumstances allowed her to play with the furniture.

 

“Myra. Up! You’ve got one chance. Don’t waste it!” Alex insisted and the Shar Pei jumped happily on the bed curling next to her. Alex sighed and hugged the not-so-little-anymore ball of fur. She started rubbing Myra’s belly and slowly found comfort in the gesture. It was not long until the deep sleep took her and all sadness in the world stopped.

 

One hour later, when he arrived home, Matt found Alex’s note in the kitchen. He sighed and went to the bedroom. Myra raised her little head and wagged her tail.

 

“Watching over mommy sleeping?” Matt asked sitting on the edge of the bed. Myra barked lightly and Matt patted her head. “Good girl…”

 

Matt stood up and went on Alex’s side of the bed. He slowly shook her shoulders in a useless attempt of waking her up. He rolled his eyes and sighed. How could that woman possibly imagine that he would go out partying when she was coping with depressing by taking sleeping pills? Matt looked lovingly at the sleeping figure and started caressing her curls.

 

“Oh, Alex, Alex… why can’t you just speak up when you feel bad? Why don’t you trust me, Alex? When will you be able to get past my age and see me as your equal? When will you understand that I am able to help you… and even if I am not, that I would do anything to help you in a way or another?” He sighed with a heavy heart and bent to kiss her forehead.

 

“Myra stay here.” He said as he left to the living room.

 

Matt called Lily and told her that unfortunately he and Alex had to skip the party because he had a sudden indigestion. In the back of his mind Matt knew he told a lie he did not have to tell. Lily, Brianna, and probably all others knew that Alex – who’s been moody and bitter for the entire week – was the reason for which he had to skip the party. Matt rolled his eyes. He ultimately did not care at all whether his co-stars suspected the truth or not. However, he did care that many voices in the industry and in the press started gossiping about his relationship. He cared and worried about those gossips because he knew how sensitive Alex was when it came to the topic. When their engagement was confirmed by their publicists, she had reacted surprisingly well to the new wave of media interest. But now? How would she react to whispers and hidden looks after two failed auditions? The last thing Matt wanted was for her to start getting cold feet about the wedding and their relationship.

 

He stood up and poured himself a glass of whiskey. Then he sat back on the sofa staring at the black TV screen. He had to think and to figure out how to deal with Alex’s emotional breakdown. He could not just leave his precious fiancé to her own devices. Would a role make her feel better? Maybe his publicist could get her something. But then Alex would get extremely pissed off at him for meddling. So that was definitely not a good idea. Would more wedding preparations take her mind off? What about going back to L.A.? But would she feel any better without him? And there was no way for him to quit the production and just go back to the states. What if he acted as if nothing happened? What if he stopped fussing over her moods and they just went on with their lives? Matt stopped from his thoughts and suddenly smiled smiled. He knew exactly what to do.

 

The following morning when Alex eventually woke up, Matt was busy talking on the phone and dealing with stuff on his computer.

 

“Yes, yes. Well, my fiancé just woke up and we will talk about your offers and I will get back to you. Aham… yes, that would be just grand. Thank you very much. Good bye.” Matt put his phone on the table and smiled to her. “Morning. Did you sleep well?”

 

“Morning… yes, I did. How are you? How was the party?” Alex asked with a guilty smile.

 

“Oh, I did not go to the party.”

 

“Matt…” Alex said on a sad voice and rolled her eyes.

 

“Ah, no worries. It wasn’t because you wanted to sleep. I actually wanted to stay home because I received a very important phone call while driving. Here. Come and see. My real estate agent found some amazing properties.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Alex asked confused.

 

“I want us to buy a house!” Matt declared with a huge smile.

 

“What? Where?”

 

“Here in London. Well, around London. Somewhere. We have a house in L.A., so we won't need another one there. But the flat here is getting small. Salome does not have a room and Myra will grow and she will need space to run. We cannot lock the poor dog into a flat. So I was thinking that while we’re here, we can check the properties and stuff and as soon as we get married in May we can buy the house and you know… have a common house in all legal terms!”

 

“I didn’t know you planned to buy a house.” Alex said going next to him and sitting on the sofa.

 

“Well, you know now. Don’t you want us to get a house?”

 

“Actually yes. That would be great. In all fairness, I thought about it as well. But then I decided to wait until after we’re married. Maybe we can move here for good when Salome finishes high school. Come on. Show me what you found.” Alex said getting all focused.

 

Matt smiled. He would not allow his beautiful bride to be eaten by her own demons just because some assholes thought her unfit for their stupid films.

 

“Right.” He said clapping his hands. “So my favourite is this one…”  

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Thursday, March 5th, 2015 – London

 

Matt entered the apartment slamming the door.

 

“ALEX!” He called her on a very angry tone. He threw his keys on the kitchen’s table and dropped his laptop on the nearest chair. Then he went directly to the living room.

 

Alex was there sitting on the sofa with crossed legs and crossed arms. Matt looked at her and shook his head.

 

“What the hell is wrong with you??? Salome’s been crying on the phone for half an hour!”

 

Alex just rolled her eyes but said nothing.

 

“No. No! Don’t do that! Don’t just roll your eyes! We’ve had enough, Alex! You cannot continue with this attitude! This past month was absolutely… pfff… exhausting! I thought that now when you finally got another role… you will stop with this woman on her period attitude! Nothing I do is enough! Fair point. I do have my flaws and maybe I simply cannot be a man good enough for you, though I am trying! But Salome??? Honestly, Alex??? The poor girl was desperate and sad enough with all the problems with the wedding location! It was absolutely no need for you to shout at her and blame it on her! She anyway is way more interested in our wedding than you are!”

 

Alex sighed and put a hand on her forehead.

 

“What happened Alex? Please… tell me! I beg of you. I honestly do not know what to do anymore. Did the fact that we lost the wedding location get you so mad? We will find something else. There is still enough time…”

 

“No…”

 

“No? Yes there is. We have more than two months… We’re going to figure something out.”

 

“No, Matt. No. It was not the wedding… I lost it…”

 

Matt looked at her confused: “What did you lose?”

 

“The role… they… I lost the role. They just called this morning and they said they found another option and that I was the second choice and then their first choice had a change of heart and that was that… And then Salome called and she said that we lost the location for the wedding and that the wedding planner is annoying her and that she fired her…”

 

“Wait what? The role you actually signed for?”

 

“Well, you know I am not young enough for anything. Even contracts can be broken."

 

"But... you actually signed for it???" Matt said confused.

 

"Didn't you understand that I am not young enough to play a 50 years old woman? Films and weddings are for younger women. Even the wedding planner thinks this and I don’t care… And your real estate agent thinks I am way too picky and they are all right!”

 

“Did you lose your mind? You cannot get everything mixed up like this! You are making absolutely no sense! Be sensible, Alex! The wedding is one thing, the house is another thing, and our careers are something different altogether!” He said categorical.

 

Matt walked slowly towards her and knelt in front of the sofa taking her knees into his hands.

 

“Look Alex… let’s focus on our family for now. Forget about auditions and comic-cons. We will fix those later. Let’s focus on the wedding. You cannot let me and Salome organize the wedding all by ourselves. We want you to help us because we are just a pair of lost puppies without you. You should help us find a new location, get a new wedding planner. Maybe you should go back to L.A. and focus on this. I will be filming only three more weeks and then I will come home to you…”

 

“I don’t know…”

 

“Oh, come on. There are so many things to do. Did you finish deciding on the decorations? Did you book your hair and nails appointment? Did you even find the dress?”    

 

Alex closed her eyes and shook her head. “I didn’t really have the time to care about the wedding…”

 

“You see. Point proven.” Matt said taking her hands into his and kissing them. “You let yourself be consumed by all the negative feelings and you forgot to charge your batteries with all the good things that are happening around you. True, you had a bad start of the year career-wise. But that is just a phase. Maybe you should just change your publicist. There’s something about him I never quite liked. Maybe he simply does not have your best interest at heart.”

 

“No… he is a good man. And he is trying his best… It's me. I'm the problem.”

 

“You are definitely not the problem, don't be silly. Maybe his best does not sync with your best. Maybe you need different roles… You have to try.” Matt said softly. “Please don’t be that person dismissing all the good stuff in her life because of some misfortunes. The way I see it…” He said taking his Doctor voice: “Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant...”

 

Matt smiled and pressed his lips on hers caressing her curls.

 

“Focus on your... our family. Focus on our future! Focus on the wedding! Focus on the dress… Come on, find the most brilliant dress you can. You look divine in everything. So find something that will make you look beyond divine! And make it white! I want your dress to be white…”

 

He smiled with all his face but his smile dropped as soon as he saw her eyes rolling in a gesture of utter annoyance.

 

“Pff! Make it what? White?” Alex responded through clenched teeth removing her hands from his. “A white wedding dress? Don’t you want me to get something like a princess gown and a veil on top? All over my head and probably on my face as well. And a tiara. Wouldn’t I look beyond divine in a tiara?” Alex asked on a sarcastic tone.

 

“What?” Matt asked as quiet as a whisper and stood up. “You think I want to embarrass you? This is why you did not find the time to care about our wedding? Just to use your own words. Alex, I did not say white dress because I want to embarrass you. You honestly think I want to make a Barbie-bride out of you? How can you even think something remotely close to this?”

 

“Well, you said white dress! This is not my first wedding! I am not a stupid 20 years old virgin to wear a white dress and tiaras and veils and flowers and stupid useless stuff like those!” Alex said rolling her eyes some more.

 

“Don’t put words into my mouth! I said nothing about tiaras and veils and princess dresses. I said white. White is all I said! I did not impose a style on you… I just said white because I want my bride to be in white. It might not be your first wedding, but it’s my first wedding! And heaven knows I will fight hell and high water to make it my last! You know I have a thing for white flowers. How can you even ask for the most beautiful flower at my wedding to be any other colour than white? And come on, what’s the big deal? You like white clothes. You have white dresses and blouses and tops and skirts and… why would a white wedding dress embarrass you?”

 

“White dresses are for young girls.” Alex repeated.

 

“Alex…” Matt just rolled his eyes. He grabbed his face into his eyes. “Look. I cannot reason with you anymore. I simply cannot! Nothing I do or say is good enough! Do whatever you want because I am utterly out of ideas of how to make you feel better, when you so obviously do not want to feel better. The last think I want is to embarrass you and to make you feel old and unworthy. If you think the wedding is too much… just cancel it. If the whole idea of the wedding is embarrassing you, let’s just cancel the wedding and put an end to yet another big problem that annoys you.”

 

Alex gasped but said nothing. Matt stood there and waited for her to contradict him or something. When it became obvious that she wasn’t going to, he closed his eyes for a second and cleared his voice.  

 

“I’ll go take a shower and then take Myra out for a walk. Feel free to make all necessary phone calls to cancel the wedding. But please call your daughter first and apologize for your outburst. She did nothing wrong and did not deserve your fury.”

  


	33. Actions and Reactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes people don't give up and you are thankful for it. But other times people don't give up... and oh, don't you just wish they would?
> 
> Trigger warnings.

Friday, March 6th, 2015 – London

 

Alex crawled on his side of the bed and pressed a kiss on his cheek. Then she softly moved her lips down towards his neck.

 

“Wakey, wakey love of mine…” She whispered with a smile, then continued to cover him in soft kisses. Matt stirred a little but did not open his eyes. “Come on, love. I know you are not sleeping. I can see the corners of your mouth fighting a smile.” She moved to press her lips on his. “I made pancakes with Nutella and bananas…”

 

Matt rolled in bed and climbed on top of her. His whole body was pressed on hers and he held her tight. Having her cornered, Matt looked deep into her eyes trying to read them.

 

“Pancakes with Nutella and bananas? Now aren’t you the perfect…” He began, but then suddenly stopped when he remembered their fight from the previous night.

 

“Fiancé! I am the perfect fiancé!” Alex finished his catchphrase. She dragged him down towards her and kissing him.  

 

“Ok? So are you still my fiancé? Did I have a nightmare that you wanted us to cancel the wedding?”

 

Alex sighed. “I never wanted us to cancel the wedding, Matt. Come on, get up. We’re going to talk over breakfast.”

 

“Can’t we just have breakfast in bed?” Matt whispered while his hands started roaming underneath her t-shirt.  

 

“Nice thought. But completely impossible. You have to be at the studios in less than two hours. Come on! I prepared breakfast.”

 

“Fineeee…” Matt growled. When she playfully slapped his arse to make him move to one side, he started laughing. Without another word, he complied and followed Alex to the kitchen.

 

Matt stopped in the kitchen’s doorway to take in the view. The kitchen looked incredibly bright and it smelled delicious. The table was covered in all his favourite breakfast treats.

 

“Oh, wow…” He said with glowing eyes. “I must have done something incredibly right!” He teased.  

 

“Or I must have done something terribly wrong. Which I did… Come on! Get in! I got you something…” Alex said joyfully while turning with her back towards him. She walked to the counter and took a beautiful bouquet of white peonies. She turned around with a smile and walked back to him.

 

Alex offered him the flowers with a bright smile. “For you, my love.”

 

“What is this?” Matt asked half-confused, but he eagerly accepted the flowers.

 

“I got you some peonies. I know how you love the white flowers!” She giggled softly.

 

“But women don’t usually…”

 

“Shush you!” Alex said and dragged him into her arms. She pressed her lips on his and started kissing him like crazy. “I am so, so, so sorry about yesterday... and about this past month! I love you… never ever doubt it. I do love you with all my being, Matt.”

 

“I know you do. I never doubted it…” He said while eagerly responding to her kiss. “And I love you too…”

 

“I know. Come on… Let’s sit and eat. I am so hungry.” She said and Matt nodded. His eyes started looking around as if searching for something. “Matthew, you silly. There’s a vase for your flowers on the table.”

 

“Oh. Right! I saw it before!” Matt winked at her and hurried to put the flowers into the vase. “I cannot believe you bought me flowers.”

 

Alex just laughed.

 

“No, really. You’re incredible… I’ve never received flowers before. Like ever in my life… This is so amazing! I actually received flowers! I have never received... oh wait, I said that before.” Matt said full of enthusiasm, petting his bouquet. Alex continued laughing while urging him to take a seat and start eating his breakfast.

 

“So… did you cancel the wedding?” Matt asked as casual as he could while rolling a pancake.

 

“Of, course I did not cancel the wedding. I never actually considered that, I told you. Yesterday I was so shocked when you said it, that I could not react in any way. That’s why I had such a blank face. When you said the words I realized how awful my behaviour had been and how much I must have hurt you in order for you to believe I wanted us to break up…”

 

“Wait, wait! I never said anything about breaking up. I said 'cancel the wedding'. Not the marriage. I meant cancel the party, dress, flowers, fuss… if that was too much for you and it made you anxious. I never for one second said anything about breaking up. Don’t be ridiculous. A couple of papers can be signed even without a fancy party.”

 

Alex smiled lovingly and a tear fell down her cheeks. “After everything and you still wanted to marry me?”

 

“Oh, Alex! Of course I still _want_ to marry you! Wedding or no wedding.”

 

“But you see… I do want the wedding. And I want it now… I really want it tomorrow if possible, but it’s not possible… I don’t want to cancel the wedding. On the contrary, I want it sooner. I am looking forward to it... but I just felt... _feel_ so bad about everything else that I just find it hard to believe that I deserve the magic of a wedding... it's stupid. But it's the way in which my brain works. It hates me. It truly does...”

 

"No one hates you, my love... and you deserve every bit of every magic. Look, I am cool with sooner. We anyway lost the location for some unknown reason... so we have to reschedule that. Thus, we can always change the date as well.” Matt said with a smile reaching for her hand and bringing it up to his lips.

 

“Right… We could do that! We really could!" Alex said enthusiastically.

 

"We really could indeed..." He chuckled.

 

"You finish filming in three weeks and stuff. And I can go to L.A. just after my birthday and then I can find a new location and change the invitations and all… maybe somewhere in the beginning of April, or mid-April. It’s only a month earlier that the original date… but, I don’t know… I just feel like I don’t want to wait till the end of May. So many things happened. It’s like the universe is against us! Like it purposely tries to break us up… and I don’t want to believe that! I refuse to believe that… because if I start believing even for one second that the universe is against our relationship… then everything will be lost.”

 

“No one and nothing is against our marriage… but we will move the wedding to the earliest possible date! You’ll see that everything will be perfect.”

 

Alex smiled and nodded. She then returned to her pancakes and changed the topic.

 

“You know, I was wondering... Can I come with you on the set today? You know… clingy fiancé! I just want to keep an eye on you…”

 

Matt just laughed. “Oh, yes please! Please do come and do keep both hands on me…”

 

“Hands?” Alex frowned.

 

“Eyes!!! I meant eyes!!! I totally meant that you can keep both eyes on me!!!” He said turning utterly red. Alex just burst into hysterical laughter. Matt started laughing because of her laughter and then it took them almost 15 minutes to stop coughing after they chocked with their food.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Friday, March 27th, 2015 – L.A.

 

Dianne hit the steering wheel with both her fists. The tears were streaming down her face like a cascade and she could barely breathe because of the crying spasms. She’s done everything she possibly could to bring Alex back to him. Maybe it was just not meant to be, because that woman had someone else to destroy at the moment. But no… Ralph would never understand that! When he wanted something, then he wanted it regardless of common sense! And he turned moody and angry and arrogant and violent! She did everything she could. Everything! How on earth was it her fault that all the plotting and scheming had the opposite effect? How was her fault that instead of canceling the wedding, Alex set an earlier date? Dianne kept on crying and crying. How could Ralph be so heartless? Did he really, in all honesty, not realize that she loved him? He could not just throw her out of his life like that! He could not just tell her he did not want to see her anymore… He could not! Because she simply could not live without him! And Vanessa! She grew to love Vanessa beyond words. Oh, all the trouble she went through in order to save the poor child from an awful system. With her eyes full of tears, Dianne looked at the passenger’s seat where a beautiful Barbie doll laid still packed. Did Ralph just do that? Did Ralph just throw her out of his house? She did not even get to give the doll to Vanessa! And she bought the doll for Vanessa…

 

As her crying spasms intensified, Dianne thought about a thousand ways in which she could still save the situation. Maybe it was not all lost and she could still help Ralph get his happy ending. And then maybe she would still be allowed to linger around and… at least see him and know that he is happy and fine!

 

With trembling hands Dianne reached for her phone. She took a deep breath before dialing a number. She cleared her voice and place the device to her ear.

 

_“Well, well. Isn’t this the voice of the Nightingale?”_

 

Dianne rolled her eyes. “Hello brother…”

 

_“Hello… wow. Oh, my heaven! Hello… Hi! You called…”_

 

“Yes, I called… and don’t you for one second imagine that I am calling you out of pleasure.”

 

_“Dianne, Dianne… my little Dianne! I miss you…”_

 

“Well… good for you! What do you want me to say?”

 

_“Just come and see me… let’s meet. Come on, Dianne! It’s been 8 years. I miss you so much. You didn’t visit me at all. Not even once. And I waited every single cold day. I hoped that you will find it in you to forgive me and that you will just come… even if only to tell me how much you hated me. I changed. I promise. Please. I am out for eight months already. Let’s meet Dianne… please.”_

 

“I really did not need to visit you… Trust me, I totally don’t want to see you. I do know you are out of prison. In case you forgot, it was me who pumped tens of thousands of dollars into lawyers and trials to get you out of there. I really have done enough for you and I cannot believe you have the guts to say you miss me, Jack…”

 

_“Then why did you call me? If you don’t miss me, if I am not allowed to miss you, if you don’t want to see me… why, Dianne? Why did you call me?”_

 

“I need you to do something for me.”

 

_“Something?”_

 

“Yes. Something no one else can do… something you’re good at and something that no one should ever find out about.”

 

_“Are you about to order a murder?”_

 

“Ha… I wish. But no. I need her alive… he needs her alive. I merely want to stop a wedding and end a relationship...”

 

 _“Oh, heaven. You really must love the guy…”_ Jack laughed.

 

“Yes, more than life and reason itself. And he just told me that I am dismissed and that he never wants to see me again. So I am beyond desperate! Desperate does not even begin to describe it…”

 

 _“But Dianne… if the bloke is about to get married… of course he would not…”_ Jack tried to reason with her. His voice seemed very sad and it was quite obvious that he was consumed by guilt.

 

“My guy is not the groom… The groom is just collateral damage. What we need is the bride...”

 

_“Dianne, love… you make no sense…”_

 

“My guy wants his ex-wife back. The bride is the ex-wife… look it’s just complicated. You wouldn’t understand and the geography of my messed up love life is none of your business. I just need your help to stop that wedding…”

 

_“Oh, Dianne… Dianne what happened to you?”_

 

“Life! That’s what happened to me, Jack!”

 

_“Life… how’s life Dianne? I know nothing about you anymore. I don’t even know how you look like these days. My lawyer told me you are beautiful… extremely beautiful. I want to see how beautiful my ugly duckling became. I suppose you don’t wear your round glasses anymore…”_

 

“Ha… round glasses. No. I do not wear the round glasses anymore. I do not wear glasses at all, as a matter of fact. Got an operation… But it’s none of your business. Really. Can you stay focused? I am on a ticking-clock here.”

 

_“Why?”_

 

“The wedding is in two weeks. I need to stop it before that.”

 

_“And what do you want me to do? Rape the bride?”_

 

Dianne left out a deep sigh: “As a matter of fact, yes.”

 

_“What???”_

“Yes… yes… I want you to rape the bride.”

 

_“Dianne… I was joking!!! What the hell??? What happened to you??? You are not this person! My little sister is not… this!  You were not like us! You are not a criminal, Dianne. You cannot be this! Not you! What happened to my little nerdy and innocent sister who wanted to become a brain surgeon?”_

 

“Ha? What happened to her? Well… she had to do the only thing she’s sworn not to do: make her way through the world with her body and not with her mind. I suppose that in the end the apple does not fall too far from the tree, Jack… I suppose that in the end I had to end up like mother. And you left me alone. You promised me you would never do that. You promised me I would not lose you to drugs, to crime as we lost them. You promised to take care of me, you promised to be there when I graduated… you promised to see me though college… promises… promises… promises…”

 

The tears were falling down her cheeks again. At the other end of the line her brother was also crying.

 

“You broke all your promises, Jack. You got yourself in prison. Instead of you taking care of me, I had to take care of you not to get yourself killed in there. Just like dad! How stupid are you? How stupid could you be? And you dare to ask if I went to college? Do you really think that I could pay you a lawyer for years after years and send you money in prison, and atop of everything to pay for tuition fees? All the money you saved in order to pay my college went into paying your trials! And that money wasn’t even enough. I had to get more and fast! You think your life in prison was hard??? My prison is worse!”

 

_“I am so sorry, Dianne…”_

 

“I don’t fucking care how sorry you are! You just have to help me. The only person who’s ever taken care of me just told me to disappear from his life! I cannot lose him. He is my guardian angel… He's everything I have. He kept me safe. He kept you safe. I cannot lose him… I cannot… You did it before. Why can't you do it again? After everything I've done for you? This will definitely stop the wedding... and then he will know what to do... I will... figure everything out one step at a time! Just do it...”

 

_“Ok… ok… I will do it. Just tell me the details. And I will need some more money to flee the country and I swear you will never hear from me again. I will do anything you ask me to. Just please, please. Meet me only once more. I beg of you. I beg of you Dianne. Even for one minute. Half a minute… please…”_

“When I will give you the money. After everything is done…”

 

_“How do I find her?”_

 

“I will give you her address and her name. You can easily stalk her. She has terribly distinctive features. You might have even heard of her before. Her name is…”


	34. I don't mean to suggest that I love you the best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of the "Chelsea Hotel No. 2" by Leonard Cohen. I simply love this verse. 
> 
> Warning. Proceed with caution into this chapter. There might be triggers.

Ralph entered the house lost in his thoughts. His head was spinning and everything seemed surreal.

 

He went to the living room and looked around. Everything was so quiet and lost in the dark. The glass door leading to the back garden and the swimming pool was open. He turned on the lights. Everything seemed normal. There were absolutely no traces of his heated fight with Dianne. He closed his eyes and the memories of that morning filled his mind:    

 

_“You keep on talking and talking! But everything you say is pointless and senseless! Get out, Dianne…” At this point he had already been shouting at her for more than half an hour._

_“Ralph! This is in no way my fault!” The blonde said shaking her head and sighing._

_“Nothing more true! This is in no way your fault! It’s all my fault! It’s been my fault since 1996…”_

_“Well… technically, yes… but we can still solve that…” Dianne said softly and took a couple of steps towards him._

_“It’s been my fault and I made it even worse when, for some reason, I just allowed you to deal with my problems. That was simply stupid! And I will sure as hell change it!”_

_“Ralph!” Dianne said frowning._

_“Dianne! It’s over! You’re fired!”_

_“I am not even working for you…”_

_“Even better! We’re done. Done for good! I cannot stand you anymore! I cannot stand your presence. I cannot stand seeing you! I cannot stand hearing your stupid high pitched voice explaining one conspiracy theory after another! You annoy me! Everything about you steps right on my nerves! Because of you I might have lost Alexandra for good…”_

_“Are you even listening to yourself? Ralph you cannot live without me…”_

_“Oh, but I can! You are just a little nobody. A little control freak that plays with people as if they were dolls. I lost Alexandra this year because of you!!! Because I fell for and accepted all your complicated plots! I know my wife! My wife! Do you hear me? MY. Wife! I could have easily cracked her just by acting like myself…”_

_“No… you couldn’t have! She was just playing you! Just teasing you! She never took you seriously after the Britannia...”_

_“Get out, Dianne!”_

_“No! Look… I have something more. This wedding is not the end of it. A little ring and a piece of paper will not stay in your way. I have something else. It will take time… maybe a year or two, maximum… but I am working on it! You will see that I am right! That I was right all along! Time is what you need! Time will prove to you whether this is just an obsession, whether this is all just because you want to steal her from a younger man… or whether this is real! Time will tell if you really love her. And time will crack her too… Ralph, you know from your own experience that such a relationship cannot last… sooner or later they will just end it…”_

_“Dianne, get out!” He cut her rolling his eyes._

_“You do not mean it Ralph. Look… this will work. I swear that…”_

_“JUST LEAVE HER ALONE! Never speak her name again! Never torment her again! Never rearrange a single second of her life according to your own liking! Do you hear me???”_

_Dianne startled at the intensity of his anger._

_“You don’t know Alexandra...”_

_“Alexandra, Alexandra, Alexandra! Going all pompous again?”_

_“Going all pompous or not pompous is none of your business. I know her. I know how her heart skips beats when I use her full name. She’s Alex for everyone, even for me when she’s not watching, but when she is watching, I call her Alexandra… and she just knows she is mine. I should have just kept my head clear last April, but you filled me with jealousy! I should have known better. Without you… she would have been in my bed for ages now… Just get out and never come back. Your usefulness is over.”_

_“NO!”_

_Ralph moved towards her and grabbed her arm violently._

_“Get out, you little slut! I said get out.”_

_“You’re hurting me!” Dianne said with small tears forming in her eyes._

_“Good. Just a teaser of what I will do to you if you don’t get lost.”_

_Dianne forced her arm off his grip and pushed him away. She was crying now._

_“You cannot throw me out of your life as if I meant nothing at all…”_

_“Yes, I can! Because you mean nothing at all! You are no one to me, Dianne. And it's the time for you to finally see it. I want you out of my life…” He turned his head and saw the Barbie doll box lying on the coffee table. He took the box and gave it to Dianne. Dianne shook her head desperately, not wanting to take the doll._

_“Please, please…” She begged, but Ralph forced the doll into her hands._

_“Out of my life and out of my daughter’s life.”_

Ralph blinked. The morning turned to night and the memories faced away. He sighed and looked down. He was holding the Barbie doll box. His grip of it tightened. He looked at it. Another blonde, long-legged, fashionista Barbie...

 

“Daddy!”

 

Ralph suddenly turned around. Vanessa was running down the stairs and into the living room. She jumped into his arms.

 

“Sweetheart…” He said hugging his little one.

 

“You are very late tonight, daddy…” The child whispered placing kisses on his cheek.

 

“Daddy was a bit busy, my love…”

 

A woman in her forties entered the room with a weak smile on her face.

 

“Vanessa… back to bed. I apologize, Mr. Fiennes. She just didn’t want to sleep before you returned home.” The woman said.

 

“No worries, Ms. Davies. Something unplanned came up… I am sorry you had to stay so late.”

 

“Do not worry about it, Mr. Fiennes. Hope everything is fine.”

 

Ralph nodded. “Thank you, Ms. Davies. You can go home now… and again, I apologize for the late hour.”

 

When the nanny left, Vanessa was still clung to Ralph as if she were a little koala. Ralph didn’t mind. He just stood there in the middle of the living room holding the child to his chest. It wasn’t until Vanessa spotted the Barbie he was holding, that they moved.

 

“Daddy! You bought me a doll?” She exclaimed climbing down his arms. She started jumping on the spot trying to reach for the doll.

 

“No…” Ralph whispered. He was utterly unable to continue his thought.

 

“Isn’t this my doll?” Vanessa asked with her smile fading. Ralph smiled and sighed. Then he handed her the doll:

 

“It is your doll, sweetheart. But daddy did not buy it for you. It’s a present from Dianne.”

 

“Ow!!! Dee-dee-dee is the best! These Barbie dolls look just like her. Where is she? Isn’t she coming over tonight?”

 

“Ah… no. She is not coming over tonight.”

 

“Okay… But will she take me to my ballet class tomorrow morning?”

 

_His whole body was shaking. The chair was there, but he could not sit. He had to stand up. She opened her eyes slowly._

_“Dianne…” He whispered reaching for her hand._

_“You…”_

_“Yes… it’s me.” He whispered again, bending to press a kiss on her hand._

_“You came…”_

_“You need to rest. Everything is going to be fine…”_

_“No…”_

_“Yes, Dianne…”_

_“No…” She said struggling to breathe. “I am leaving…”_

_“No, you are not leaving. I am so sorry about this morning, Dianne. I did not mean it. I didn’t mean any single word. I was just angry… I don’t want you to leave me, Dianne. You are right, you are perfectly right. I cannot live without you…”_

_“You will have to…” She whispered attempting to smile._

_“Dianne… Dianne…” He whispered and the tears he was holding started falling down his cheeks. He could still not recover from the news of her accident. He ran to the hospital as soon as his lawyer called him. Seeing her in a hospital bed, all wired up to machines, was hard to bear. Dianne was a young tough woman. Those doctors who told him they could not take her to the surgery room because her condition was unstable had no idea how wrong they were. Those doctors who told him to be nice because she was fading did not know her the way he did! They had no idea what sort of fighter Dianne was. She was going to be fine! She had to be fine._

_“Listen to me…” She whispered finding it harder and harder to breathe._

_“Dianne… shh… you need to rest…”_

_“Ralph… Vane… take care… she’s just a very poor girl… a lost poor girl…” Hot tears started rolling down her cheeks. “… and poor girls… always need love.”_

_“Of course I will take care of Vanessa… we will take care of Vanessa…”_

_“Make her feel… loved… don’t let her stray…”_

_“I won’t… we won’t…”_

_“Poor girls so easily stray… the doll… the doll…”_

_“I will buy her a doll…”_

_“No… no… it’s still in my car… get it to her…”_

_Ralph nodded. He could barely see through the tears that were invading his eyes. He remembered very well how he threw that doll, along with Dianne, out of his house that very morning._

_“Alex… give her time… she’ll come around…”_

_“It does not matter…”_

_“It does… I have another plan… one… two years… give it time…” Dianne struggled to breathe and she could barely keep her eyes open._

_“Shh… Dianen… just rest. It does not matter.”_

_“My diary... my place… somewhere… find it… read it… to know who I was…”_

_“I know who you are...” Ralph said looking once again at her. She was on her back, on the bed. All wired up and barely able to move, to speak, to breathe. He knew from the doctors that she lost a leg, but he definitely didn’t need to see that._

_“No… no… my diary... you don’t… I cannot brea…” Dianne tried to breathe but she found it impossible. She started coughing_

_._

_“Dianne… Nurseee! Doct…”_

_“No… listen…” Dianne grabbed his hand. Her grip was weak. She started coughing heavily. She was trying hard to breathe through the spasms. She barely managed to turn her head to one side, before she started throwing up blood._

_“Heaven…” Ralph exclaimed and lifted her a bit, utterly scared that she might choke._

_The doctor and nurses came in and pushed Ralph to one side. They tried to help her but there was nothing they could do. It was probably an eternity before she stopped throwing up blood and fell with her head on the pillow looking like a ghost. Her heart was barely beating, but her body was trembling. She was looking towards him, searching him with her eyes. Her big blue eyes were piercing through his soul._

_“She has moments only…” The doctor told him while moving away from the bed. Ralph moved closer again and grabbed her hand lifting it to his lips and kissing it repeatedly. He was crying._

_“I am so sorry, Dianne, so sorry… so sorry…”_

_“Ralph… listen…” She whispered and looked at him with tears falling from her eyes. The eyes were the only things she could still move. She could feel how all the strength was leaving her body._

_“Ralph… I… lov…” She stop fighting for air one last time. “…ved you… always…”_

_The beeping of the machine was deafening. He did not realize when the doctor pushed him away from there. But there was nothing they could do. He moved his hands to his face just to notice that they were stained with her blood._

_His mind flew back in time when he read the news of Alex’s suicide attempts… He dreamt so many times about reading that she was dead because of him. Then his mind moved forward to when Francesca was depressed and pulled all those scenes threatening to swallow pills… He used to wake up during the night to check if she was still breathing. That of course, did not stop him from leaving her… Years later, there he was! After all he eventually did it: he killed one of the women who loved him… What sort of monster was he?_

“Daddy…”

 

Vanessa’s worried voice startled him.

 

“Yes, sweetie?” He asked being relieved that he kept all the crying inside. Vanessa did not need to see him crying. He did not have to worry the sweet child.

 

“I asked you something. Will Dianne take me to my ballet class tomorrow morning?”

 

“Do you want her to?” Ralph asked with a weak smile.

 

“Yes.” Vanessa said with a bright smile. “I love Dianne…”

 

“Oh sweetheart… there is something I want to tell you.”

 

Ralph knelt in front of his daughter. Her curly hair looked like a precious halo.

 

“Dianne won’t be able to come visit us anymore… because…” Ralph looked into those innocent eyes and found the power to smile. “… because she moved to another country very, very far away.”

 

“Why? Can’t she just come back?”

 

“She won’t be able to come back for many years… because she has a very important job there…”

 

Vanessa let her eyes down: “She didn’t even say goodbye… I thought she loved me. Why didn’t she say good bye…”

 

“She came this morning and gave me the doll… but you were at your ballet class.”

 

“Well she knew I was at my ballet class. She dropped me to my ballet class! Why didn’t she wait for me?” Vanessa asked with tears forming into her eyes.

 

“She was missing her flight sweetheart… and… she did not want to see you crying. She does love you very, very, very much… and she knew your tears would have hurt her…”

 

Small tears started rolling down the child’s face.

 

“Will she be happy in her new country, daddy?”

 

Ralph nodded and fought hard to block the tears. “Yes, baby… Yes, she will be very, very happy indeed.”

 

Vanessa nodded and wrapped her arms around her daddy’s neck. “I want Dianne to be happy… because she was always so sad…”

 

Ralph gasped and buried his head into Vanessa’s wild curls. “How do you know?” He whispered.

 

“Her eyes were always sad… like the sad eyes of my friends at the orphanage… the eyes when no one loves you...”

 

“She’ll be happy…”

  

“Can I sleep with you daddy… I don’t want to sleep alone in my room tonight…”

 

Ralph nodded. “Neither do I…”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Hello, what is my step-dad up to?” Salome asked with a grin, while admiring herself in the mirror, speaking on the phone and making faces.

 

_“Food shopping for his step-daughter’s birthday party. What are my girls doing? Everything going well at the last fitting?”_

“Oh, Matty, Matty, Matty… she is gorgeous!”

 

_“I want to see her! Send me a video on Snapchat.”_

“You cannot see her!” Salome laughed. “It’s against the rules. Don’t you know at least that?”

 

_“I don’t believe in those silly rules… I want to see my bride!”_

 

“You’ll see your bride at the wedding!” The girl laughed some more.

 

_“But it’s two weeks until the wedding!”_

 

“Good things come to those who wait! Listen, listen! I called because you need to go pick my cake as well. From the cafeteria.”

 

_“Why so? I thought you were supposed to pick it after the fitting.”_

 

“Yes, but we arrived only 15 minutes ago. We were terribly late. We were not even sure they’d still get us in today since we missed the appointment.”

 

_“But what happened?”_

 

“Well, we had to drop Helen to her father’s farm and on the way back there was a very nasty car accident and we were stuck in traffic for more than an hour.”

 

_“Oh dear.”_

 

“Yeah… some young woman got her fancy sport car into the rocks. Classic 21st century accident. Apparently she was on her phone and having no seat belt on…”

_“People never learn, I swear… Anyway. Can’t I in no way corrupt you to send me a picture with your mom in her dress?”_

 

“Nup…”

 

_“What about a picture with the dress?”_

 

“Nup…”

 

_“What about a picture with your mom?”_

 

Salome just laughed: “I am fairly certain that is allowed… Pick my cake and keep your phone nearby. As soon as she finishes with the adjustments, which might take a while, I will send you a picture with her. You see, I am just nice like that!”

 

“Yes boss.”

 

Salome laughed and looked in the mirror. She turned and twirled several times admiring her tiara. “Matty, you have to convince her to buy me the tiara I am wearing for my birthday party tomorrow.”

 

_“I have no idea what tiara you're wearing, but I am sure that this is never gonna happen. You know who we’re dealing with…”_

 

“You can at least try to persuade her…”

 

Matt laughed and returned to his shopping cart, letting Salome to play with her tiara in the wedding dresses shop.

 

“You’re not keeping the tiara…” Alex said several minutes later when she returned from the fitting room.

 

“I wasn’t plannin…” Salome turned around and her eyes went big. “Wow…”

 

“So, is it better now? We adjusted it down here a bit… and to the back…”

 

“Wow… oh mommy! Matt will cry!” Salome said with tears rolling down her cheeks.

 

“Ow… baby!” Alex moved towards her daughter and hugged her. They stayed hugged and crying happy tears for a couple of minutes, until Salome just pushed her away.

 

“Nonono… you’re just going to ruin your dress with all the hugging.”

 

Alex laughed.

 

“What else needs to be done?” The teenager asked with a smile. 

 

“Nothing much. We can then go pick your cake. I will have my dress shipped the Thursday before the wedding and someone will come to see whether I didn’t lose weight or something…”

 

“No need to pick my cake, by the way. I had Matt do it.”

 

“Salome… stop exploiting him.” Alex laughed.

 

“I am not. I was just scared that we wouldn’t get there in time and then I wouldn't have cake for midnight tonight.”

 

“As if I would have allowed that to happen. Midnight cake for my baby’s birthday is sacred.” Alex smiled pressing a kiss on Salome's forehead. 

 

“Good! Now go and change in normal clothes. I need to send a picture with you to Matt…”

 

“Why so?” Alex asked frowning.

 

“You know him. He might just die if he doesn’t see you for one hour… and we wouldn’t want that to happen.”

 

Alex laughed again: “Stop teasing the poor guy, you’re just mean!”

 

“I am right, though! Admit it.”

 

“Admit what?”

 

“That he loves you the best! As no one ever has and no one ever will!”

 

Alex closed her eyes and smiled with her entire heart. “Yes, he does love me the best!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was it for Dianne...  
> I was very sorry to say goodbye to her character. I did care for her. You all know the saying with the good wolf and the bad wolf living inside us. We all feed one wolf more than the other, and this ends up defining who we are. Unfortunately, life and tragedy can make us bitter and dark. And this unconsciously feeds the bad wolf in us. Succumbing to her dark side because of her unfortunate life is however not an excuse for what Dianne did. Thus, as fairytales go: the wrongdoer must always pay. 
> 
> Fortunately for us all, as you might remember, she never got to reveal Alex's name to her brother. False alarm with the kidnapping... I would have never allowed Alex to end up at Dianne's mercy. However, although Ralph kept on dismissing her words, Dianne mentioned another plan that might succeed in a year or two. Will that still ruin everything from beyond the grave? Who knows... 
> 
> But before that... we have a wedding to attend. Xx


	35. The Vows!

Saturday, April 11th, 2015 – somewhere on the west coast. 

 

Alex was sitting in front of a beautifully crafted dressing table and admired herself in the mirror, while the hair stylist was braiding white flowers in her curls.

 

They were somewhere down the west coast in a beautiful vintage hotel. Her huge room looked like the chamber of a princess. At one end rested the canopy bed in which she spent her last night before becoming Mrs. Smith. Not far from the bed, to its side, was the dressing table in front of which she was patiently waiting for her bridal hairdo to be finished. The four big windows were opened letting the ocean breeze in, while the vail curtains were dancing in the currents. At the other end of the room were a small coffee table and a sofa with a pair of armchairs. They were covered in the same shade of peach as the bed’s canopy. Everything was so light and peaceful. 

 

“You look extremely happy…” Nicola said on a soft voice. She was lazily laying on the sofa and sipping from a glass of champagne. Her own make-up and hairdo were finished, so there was nothing to be done than wait for the bridesmaids to arrive and help the bride get dressed.

  

Alex smile and looked at her sister through the mirror.

 

“I look extremely happy because I am extremely happy.” She declared in a heartbeat.

 

“I went to Salome’s room while you showered. I have to confess that I peeked at the dress.” Nicola chuckled.

 

“And?” Alex asked excitedly while reaching for her big coffee mug which rested on the dressing table.

 

“And what?” Her sister teased.

 

“And what did you think, of course!”

 

“Oh, that! Well, the dress is absolutely brilliant… I loved it! I adored it! I mean it. It’s absolutely brilliant, but quite a surprising choice, I might say.”

 

“Surprising?” Alex frowned.

 

“Well, yes! I never in my life imagined I would see you wearing anything like that. I mean, no offence to your maiden spirit, but you had two weddings before and the dresses were just… well, dresses. The dress I just saw is white, it’s actually white! And atop of everything it looks like… a wedding dress.” Nicola pulled an utterly shocked face. “Impressed, sis! Very impressed!”

 

Alex laughed hard rolling her eyes. “Oh, Nicola dearling, see what Matt’s done to me?”

 

“Oh, I do see how he’s twisted all your wrong minds. I do see it and I still get absolutely puzzled at how he managed to pull you together. I mean, you’ve always been a mess. ‘Sad’ being ‘happy’ for deep people and all that. But I swear this Matt of yours has been sent to you by the skies!”

 

The smile on Alex’s face literally could not get brighter. She knew her sister was right, she knew it well. Matt was her guardian angel and she had absolutely no ways in which to thank the universe for him being a part of her life, for him making her life finally seem right.

 

“All I hope, sister dear… is that I won’t screw things up again.”

 

“Oh, I hope the same. I do count on the fact that you’ve learnt a lesson or two from your previous relationships. Is that too much to ask? Should I lower my expectations?” Nicola laughed.

 

“Shush you! Be on my side!” Alex laughed as well. “Come on… listen to my vows.”

 

“Again???” The sister said rolling her eyes. “I am getting bored already.”

 

“Nicola, stop complaining! I have to rehearse them! I cannot afford forgetting my vows and coming up with invented ones on the spot. I don’t want to make a complete fool of myself!”

 

“You know, for an actress, you do surprise me how useless you are at learning lines!”

 

“NICOLA!” Alex rolled her eyes in exasperation as her sister burst into laughter.

 

“Teasing…”

 

“I know! But it’s my big day today! Hence you are not allowed to play the annoying sister with me!”

 

“No shit, dearling? Since when?”

 

Alex pulled her tongue out at her through the mirror. Nicola laughed. So Alex laughed as well. The simple fact that she had her sister there to be her witness and constant companion – until she was allowed to see Matt again – was just priceless. Living an ocean apart from her best friend was hell, so every given second in which they could be silly with one another was precious. A childhood memory suddenly crossed Alex’s mind. She remembered how on a rainy spring afternoon they fought terribly. Nicola pushed Alex who fell and hurt her knee. In return Alex broke the head of Nicola’s favourite doll. Their mother did not ground them, she just looked at them terribly disappointed and said: “A sister is a readily made friend for life. Never forget that, or you will forever feel incomplete!” And so they vowed to never forget it...

  

_Vowed…_

 

The word resonated in her mind and she cleared her voice: “Right, vows… here we go…”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The ceremony was taking place in the green back garden of the beautiful hotel Alex. The story of how they ended up there was quite a journey. Following the unexpected cancellation call she received from her previous location, Alex gave up the hope of having her wedding on the beach. But maybe everything happens for a reason indeed! Because right on the day she returned to L.A from London, a friend of Salome’s called to brag about the dream weekend with her parents on a half remote, posh and vintage hotel which was situated right on a rocky and wild beach! Alex fell in love with the fairytale place and decided to check it out. The place was everything she wished for and more. The fact that it was quite a couple hundred miles away from L.A. made it even more ideal. She booked it right then… and there she was, a bit less than a month later, walking down the aisle towards a handsome man with a cheeky smile and a classy bow tie. She smiled.

 

Matt looked at her walking slowly towards him.

 

His heart was beating so hard he wondered whether it would simply just jump off his chest. She was incredibly beautiful – his white bride! She was beyond beautiful. That puffy crazy gown she was wearing had Alex written all over it. And it made a nice sound when Alex moved in it. And heavens she walked towards him with so much confidence that his legs were melting! Alex noticed immediately that he was staring at her without breathing and without blinking. So she winked. She just winked. Shameless flirt that woman, as always! Matt immediately burst into chuckles and shook his head.

 

On the spur of the moment he decided he was not going to just stand there and wait for her. With the same confidence with which she was walking towards him, he started walking towards her in order to meet her half way.

 

“What are you doing?” Alex asked with a grin when he offered her his arm.

 

“Walking the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met to the altar. Does she mind?”

 

“Not at all…” Alex giggled and softly grabbed his arm.

 

The guests stood up clapping and cheering at their unconventionality. Alex spotted her father with the corner of her eyes. He was the loudest in the crowd. From his place of honour in the first row he blew a kiss to his daughter. Alex blew him a kiss back right before she and Matt took their places in front of the pastor who was officiating the ceremony.

 

The sound of the waves breaking into ocean foam some hundred meters away, the wind softly blowing and rustling through her dress, Salome and her friends’ giggles, Matt’s heartbeat… everything was perfect. Alex turned and looked at him ready to recite her perfectly formulated wedding vows. But when she saw Matt troubling his lower lip and then slowly passing his fingers through his floppy longish hair, she just forgot everything she was meant to say. She forgot everything she recited more than ten times to Nicola. But she didn’t care. She didn’t care about it at all. Alex just stared into Matt’s eyes and let her heart speak:

 

“Matthew, I wonder… aren’t we both crazy getting into this? Oh, Matt… my Matt, I am sure that we are crazy, but crazy was exactly what made me fall for you! Matthew, I love you from the bottom of my heart and if I learnt something in my already long life is that love can indeed fix things. You said love is an ephemeral feeling, the meaning of which we cannot really grasp, love changes fast and it has many faces, love can equally well go in straight a line or round in circles… That’s what you told me. And you also told me love is a lottery. But Matt, love is the only lottery ticket I am eager to pledge my life to. I am scared, I am terrified to be here, getting married again. But despite what everyone may think, it’s not the “again” part that makes my heart beat irregularly. It’s you! Marrying you, it means that after many years in which I battled conflicted feelings for my younger co-star, I am finally letting myself truly love again. I accepted my love for you. I embraced my love for you. This is why we are here. I know that our future will be just like us… inadequate, flawed, clumsy, tiny bit sexy and full of more adventures than most of the people will ever imagine. And I am looking forward to this. With this ring I take thee to be my lawfully wedded companion until the end of time…”

 

With her hands trembling, Alex slid the ring on Matt’s finger and looked up at him with tears in her eyes. A couple of tears fell down his cheeks as well. Matt offered her a weak smile, while trying his best to regain his composure. It was hard for him to speak since her vows let his voice trembling:

 

“Alexandra… beautiful Alexandra. The skies are my witnesses that I pledged my life to you the very second my eyes met yours six years ago. I knew right then that you were the one I was meant to love forevermore. I felt honoured that you allowed me to be one of your closest and truest friends. I never asked for more for a long while because I did not know how to ask for more without losing the preciousness of what we had… but then that something happened and the powerful desire to defend you at all costs showed me exactly how to approach our relationship in a different manner. I asked you to show me the pure beauty you kept within, but well hidden behind a massive protective wall. And when I saw it… Alex, when I saw that beauty I pledged to protect it despite whatever may come in our way. You once called me your guardian angel and I take my role very seriously. So here, in front of everyone who loves you and wants you to be happy, I pledge to be that angel and everything else you need me to be. I pledge to wake you day by day with a smile. I pledge to hold you and to kiss your forehead when you cry. I pledge to put you and our marriage above everything else in my life especially the hectic working schedule our profession comes with. I pledge to always remember that our love is a beautiful and precious gift, just like you. I pledge to love you until I die… and long after...”

 

Matt slid the ring on her finger and lifted her hand to his lips kissing it repeatedly while the pastor declared them husband and wife. Alex wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips on his. He lifted her up and spun her around several times to the delight of all their guests.  

  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Matt walked down the pathway towards the beach. It was almost sunset and the sun was playing a beautiful game of colours with the ocean. He shoved his hands in his trousers’ pockets while stepping on the sand and heading towards the waves. He had removed his bow tie more than one hour ago and his shirt had its upper buttons unbuttoned. He felt happy beyond words.

 

He looked into the horizon with a smile thinking about the long and bumpy road they had to go through in order to reach that blessed day: the day in which he could call Alexandra Elizabeth Kingston-Smith his wife, the day in which his name was added to hers!

 

Matt closed his eyes and indulged in the sound of the waves. He was already getting increasingly tipsy. Hence, some fresh air was much needed since the night was still very much young.

 

The harmony of the natural symphony was suddenly broken by voices and laughter. Matt opened his eyes and looked with a smile towards the hotel’s garden. The noises, however, did not seem to come from there.

 

“Catch her! Catch her!!!” Someone shouted at him.

 

Matt frowned and looked to his left. Along the coastline, a young woman was running towards him. She was laughing and running, and running and laughing. Her hysterically pink dress had a corseted upper part, while the bottom part was falling in irregular ruffles – very short in the front and terribly long in the back. The girl was holding a white pair of high heels and a bouquet of white flowers in her hands. Her hair was incredibly long and shockingly blue! It fell in waves down her back until it reached the waistline. A white fluffy vail, slightly shorter than her hair, was attached to her head with a glittery tiara. Matt cracked a smile. The reckless young bride looked pretty ridiculous – well, incredibly ridiculous but insanely happy.

 

Not far behind her, a young man with a massive water pistol followed.

 

“Catch her! Catch her!” The young man shouted again. Instinctively Matt reached for the bride when she passed in front of him. He caught her by her arm.

 

“No, no!!!” She laughed.

 

“That’s it!!! Don’t let her go!!! Just don’t let her go!!!” The groom laughed while speeding his running pace.

 

The bride looked at Matt. Her hazel eyes pierced right through his soul. He froze for a second and tightened his grip on her arm. But she just laughed and gave him a large smile before pressing her lips on his cheek and whispered: _“Not yet.”_ She freed herself from his hold and continued running.

 

Pink dress and blue hair blowing in the wind.

 

“Noooo…” The groom protested running even faster. “Thought I told you not to let her go!”

 

Matt looked at him and just laughed awkwardly. What was with these people? Were they on crack or something like that?

 

The groom never stopped to look at him. He continued running after his bride while shooting his pistol. It wasn’t long until the distance between the two became small, since Matt had definitely played a role in slowing the bride down. The groom threw his pistol on the sand and wrapped his arms around the woman’s waist. She laughed as he spun her in the air. They both fell on the sand and started kissing.

 

Matt watched them with a smile on his face. He was convinced that the same happiness emanated out of him and…

 

“What are you thinking about?” Alex asked wrapping her arms around his waist.

 

“You... only you and always you.” Matt replied slowly turning around. Alex smiled and leaned to kiss him.

 

“Well, Mr. Kingston, I am delighted to hear that.”

 

“That’s not how it works…” Matt protested.

 

“Oh, yes it is!”

 

Matt laughed and lifted her and spun her around: “Yes, yes, yes it is!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweeties! 
> 
> I apologize for taking so long to update this story. Turns out that doing a postgrad, working, and writing two fics in the same time does not really work. This is why I decided to first finish Lucky Boy *go and check it* before turning my full attention back to my favourite child! I hope that from now on I will be able to post more frequently. 
> 
> I hope you sweeties are still here with me! And if you are, I am soooo looking forward to reading your comments on this happy chapter! So please don't be shy. Xx 
> 
> P.S. Let's talk about the dress. I loved Alex's actual wedding dress and I spent a lot of time trying to find its designer. I didn't, unfortunately. So if you have any information in this respect, please do tell. I however found very similar dresses to what she wore designed by Vivienne Westwood or Zac Posen. Since Zac is one of my darlings, I decided I wanted my Alex to walk down the aisle on the most perfect dress Zac designed - which funnily enough is somewhat similar to the dress real Alex actually - although this dress here it's quite a little bit puffier. Hope you like the dress! 
> 
> http://media3.popsugar-assets.com/files/2014/02/07/980/n/1922564/69c29f05a88c4a74_151680953.jpg.xxxlarge/i/Zac-Posen-Spring-2013.jpg
> 
> http://glamazonsblog.com/wp-content/uploads/coco-rocha-zac-posen-wedding-gown-runway.jpg
> 
> http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma5yn6uIE61rfi2rpo2_500.jpg


	36. Well, Happy Birthday!

Saturday, October 28th, 2017 – L.A. 

 

She could hear the babies crying from the street. They were so loud that she just started laughing while turning right to enter the small front yard. Myra was wagging her little tail in utter excitement. The silly dog knew all too well where they were heading to. Salome took her leash off and Myra ran barking towards the front door. The babies were still screaming at the top of their voiced when Salome reached the door. She shook her head and pressed the doorbell with a smile. 

 

"Saved by the bell!" Karen declared when she opened the door. She was holding one baby straddled on her hip. Myra entered before Salome. She jumped on Karen, licked the leg of the baby, and ran off in the direction from where the other baby’s cries were coming.

 

"Yes, Myra! You can go in! Make yourself at home!" Karen shouted at the dog through clenched teeth before slamming the door closed. Salome laughed even harder and reached for the baby: 

 

"This is a mad house! Oh, Kazza, Kazza... you look awful!" 

 

"I know!!! I know that I look awful, ok?" Karen admitted and gladly handed her daughter to the amused teenager. "The wee monsters are crying constantly! _This one_ was crying the hardest, so I picked her up. Guess what? The very same second, _the other one_ went bonkers!" 

 

"They have names, you know?" Salome started kissing the baby's chubby cheeks. "I will eat you Amy-bamey!!! Nomnomnomnom!" The baby started giggling making adorable sounds. 

 

"No, no… _This one_ is Sheila. _The other one_ is Amelia." Karen said shaking her head. "I will make tea."

 

"Kareeeen. She is Amelia!"

 

"How can you know?" Karen fluttered a hand while entering the kitchen. Salome continued her way into the living room while replying in between chuckles:

 

"They are NOT identical!" 

 

"Yes they are!"

 

The teenager laughed and shook her head while kneeling to put Amelia down on the carpet. Sheila was also on the floor and she started babbling when she saw Salome. The sneaky baby used Myra to stand up. Supporting herself on the dog's back, Sheila was happily bouncing up and down. Amelia crawled towards her sister and reached for Myra. The dog moved towards the newcomer causing Sheila to lose balance and fall. Amelia started laughing when her sister hit the floor. Instead of crying Sheila laughed as well. Myra turned around and started licking the baby’s face. Salome adored the way in which the almost one year olds were playing with her pet. She appreciated how relaxed Karen and Arthur were about this. Unlike some paranoid parents, the Ponds believed that it was beneficial for their daughters' development to have animals around. The fact that they had their hands too full to afford a pet of their own was a completely different matter. Oh well, that's what the godparents' arsenals are for! 

 

Salome crossed her legs and looked around. She loved being there. That living room was so cosy, although terribly messy and full of thrown around toys. There were many pictures on the walls depicting the young family. Karen and Arthur were amazing parents, despite being occasionally overwhelmed by the situation. But then again, who wouldn't be with two extremely energetic children around? And with all that, they were seldom complaining. Well, scratch that! Karen was constantly complaining. But that was just Karen bantering! Secretly she loved the married life!  

 

Arthur and Karen did not plan it that way... not really. But sometimes life just happens unplanned. It all started on April 11th, 2016 – Alex and Matt's one year anniversary party. After the official bit, Karen insisted for the four of them to party like in the good old Cardiff days. Needless to say that the event got terribly out of hand! And just like that, Karen and Arthur ended up expecting! It took Karen two weeks to realize. It took Arthur one more week to find an amazing ring and to go down on one knee. And then it took the couple one month and the knot was tied! Salome giggled remembering the great fuss around the whole affair. Everything happened so fast! Eh, but all is well when it ends well! Karen almost made it full term with her twin pregnancy, thus a slightly early Santa brought her and her husband two bundles of joy that Christmas! And it’s been a hell of a year…  

 

Oh, but her twins were precious. Not identical – to Karen’s outrage – but precious! Ever since she found out she was expecting twins, Karen became obsessed with the thought of having "the same child in double", as she put it. She did not get discouraged by the scans and the doctors who told her that her twins were going to be fraternal. She didn’t even get discouraged when the girls were born and each came with her own placenta, bless. But if the young mother wanted to pretend her children were identical, what could they do? (Other than teasing her constantly, of course!!!) 

 

"Here's the tea..." 

 

"Ow, thank yooou." Salome said with a smile and turned her head to look at Karen when the ginger entered the living room. 

 

"No worries, darling. And here you have the sugar cubes." She said with a smile while placing the two cups and the sugar jar on the little coffee table that was in front of the sofas. Sheila saw her mom and immediately started crawling towards her, while Amelia kept on torturing Myra. It literally took 10 seconds for Sheila to stand up supporting herself on the coffee table and to grab the sugar jar. 

 

"NO!" Karen jumped to grab the jar but it was too late. With a devilish smile and a playful attitude Sheila dropped the whole jar on the carpet. She let out a high pitched giggle of delight and started screaming out of joy when the sugar cubes rolled all over the carpet. Karen grabbed the wrongdoer just as Amelia and Myra, with equal amounts of interest, hurried towards the sugar cubes.

 

"Grab her!" Karen urged Salome who very promptly picked Amelia up and removed three small sugar cubes from her little hands. 

 

"That's it young ladies! In the playpen with you two. This is unacceptable behaviour and mommy is not impressed! At all!" The mother said shaking her head while placing Sheila in the playpen. Salome laughed and walked with Amelia in the same direction. Myra ran there and started circling the perimeter. The twins got incredibly excited seeing the dog running around them. They kept on stretching their chubby arms to play with the pet through the nets, seeming completely unaffected by their restricted liberty.

 

“Madhouse! That’s what this house is!” Karen declared. 

 

“You know, you should give one of them to us! That way you’ll have your life back and mom and Matt will stop fighting.”

 

Karen laughed: “I should indeed... but I wouldn’t know which one. _This one_ is my favourite and _the other one_ is Arthur’s.” Karen said with a smirk without giving any indication as to what twin was _“this one”_ and what twin was _“the other one”_. She knelt on the floor and started collecting the sugar cubes while looking at Salome with the corner of her eye:

 

“Speaking of your folks! Did they send you out in the neighbourhood so that they could spend the afternoon alone? What are they doing for Matt’s birthday? We haven’t been invited, by the way!”

 

“Spending time alone? Matt is at the studios working!”

 

“What???” Karen looked very confused at the teenager. “How comes? We spoke the other day and he told me he took the day off! Not only today off, but tomorrow as well. He was pretty annoyed that they were scheduled to work during the weekend so he was determined to change that. What do you mean he’s at the studios working?”

 

“Well, Matt did call his bosses and told them to reschedule the weekend because it was his birthday and he wanted to stay home. But then he called them yesterday again and cancelled the rescheduling.”

 

“Did they fight again?” Karen asked sighing while finishing placing the sugar cubes back in the jar in order to throw them away later. She stood up and went to sit next to Salome on the sofa.

 

“They never really stop.”

 

“Same old, same old?”

 

“Yes.” Salome said rolling her eyes. “Mom won’t stop with it, I swear! Matt is getting crazy because of her. And honestly, sometimes I take offence myself! I mean, why am I not enough?”

 

“Oh, Salome! Baby, it does not work like that! You well know that you are enough for her! Don’t doubt it. She’s doing all this for Matt. She knows how much Matt loves children and she can see how much he enjoys being around the twins. She simply cannot get it out of her mind that Matt should be able to have children of his own.”

 

“Oh, please Karen! You are a smart woman. You cannot buy this. It’s obvious for everyone that mom does all this for herself! She uses Matt and his desires as an excuse. Matt made it clear he is more than fine with how our family works!”

 

“Well, deep down, Alex still believes that Matt is hiding his true feelings on the topic in order not to make her feel bad because she cannot give him children due to her age and her medical history.”

 

Salome rolled her eyes: “They are not going to make it. I don’t think they’re going to make it… honestly. One can easily see how their age difference is a problem. It simply does not work! There are too many pieces of their puzzle that do not fit. They love each other, they do. It’s obvious that they do! But they simply cannot work! I can see how much they suffer because of their constant fighting… but it’s just… it matters, Karen. It does… the age gap. It matters!”

 

“I know, sweetie…” Karen admitted with a sigh. “I know it matters. They were fine with the quasi long distance relationship and living on two continents, but marriage is something else. Honestly, I grew to believe that they jumped too quickly into it!”

 

“It’s already been what… one year? Pretty much since your twins were born. Ok, it hasn’t been that long. Mom started acting like a psycho only towards the end of May. She had gathered all her courage and all her knowledge on baking babies till then... And then Matt started working harder towards the end of the summer in order to avoid meeting mom… and in all honesty, Karen, he is neglecting her so badly! They live in the same room and sometimes even two-three days in a row pass and they do not meet while both of them are awake! I am worried he might be seeing someone else…”

 

“Matt??? Oh, Salome. No. Never. He would never do that. I swear on anything you’d want me to swear. Matt would never do this to your mother.”

 

“I just… I am sad. I am really sad. I am almost 17 and I know more stuff now. I understand stuff well enough to realize that one of them will eventually stray somehow and then hell will break loose! And I will lose my family again!”

 

“We will not let that happen!” Karen reassured the teenager with a hug. Salome nodded and reached for her tea once Karen broke the embrace. “Although, it would be so much easier if Matt just accepted having that child Alex so much wants…”

                                                    

“Oh, KAREN! Come on! I am trusting you with this one!!!” Salome accused annoyed.

 

“Yes, yes, sorry. I didn’t say it would be the right thing to do. I merely said it would be easier for their relationship to go back on a normal track…”

 

“Or, it would make no difference because the roots of their conflicts are too deep and sometimes love simply isn’t enough! They would eventually break up and there would be a child in the middle who will have to pay the consequences.”

 

“All life and soul you are!”

 

“It’s not you living with them constantly! And I have massive exams coming up. If they don’t end with this nonsense which is ongoing for half a year now, I will move to dad’s full time!” Salome declared rolling her eyes.

 

“Cannot be that bad!”

 

“It is! It really is that bad! You can see how bad it is since Matt turns 35 today and no one is celebrating anything. I am not even sure if she told him happy birthday, because she was sleeping yesterday when he came home from the studios and she was out walking Myra when he woke up and left for the studios this morning…”

 

“Oh, those two!!! What are they five???” Karen said annoyed.

 

“Take them out! Please! I can babysit the twins, no need to call in the nanny… just get them properly drunk and make them see that they have to fight for their love! Their love cannot survive in the real world without them doing their best! From the beginning, given everything, their relationship had very dim chances and if they act like goddamn morons then there is no point in continuing with their marriage…”

 

“Don’t say this, Salome…. But yes, your idea is very good. We will do just that. I will call Arthur and try to reach Matt afterwards.”

 

“I will send a text to mom saying that I will sleep over. She knows that I don’t feel like going home, anyway.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Matt entered the house with a big bouquet of white flowers in his hand. He took off his shoes and put them in their proper place, just as Alex liked it. He left his keys in their special bowl and hang his jacket next to hers before heading to the living room where he hoped she would be.

 

“Hello sweetie…” Matt said with a smile. Alex was sitting on the sofa with his laptop on her lap. She got terribly startled by his sudden appearance. With a quick move she slammed the flap of his laptop and placed her hands on top of it. She gave him a fake and half forced smile:

 

“Ah… hello.”

 

Matt looked at her and could not help but find her reaction odd. Was she hiding something from him? Was that his laptop? Yes, that was his laptop. Was she going through his stuff? Like emails or social media? Not that he had anything to hide, but was she really thinking so low of him? Was her trust so shaken? Why would it be? He never gave her any reason for that. Yes, they’ve had big issues during the past months, but none of them had anything to do with questions of fidelity and loyalty…

 

“Everything alright?” He asked still attempting to maintain his smile.

 

“Yes… I am so happy to see you…”

 

Matt’s smile became wider: “I brought you these, my love.”

 

“Oh, flower for me? On your birthday?” Alex replied putting the laptop aside and standing up. Matt looked at the laptop, but decided to let go. He forced himself to overlook her strange behaviour. With small shy steps Alex closed the distance between them and took the flowers he was holding.

 

“My birthday is as good a reason as any other. Plus, it’s been a while and I am sorry for this.”

 

Alex wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, while still holding onto the flower:

 

“Happy birthday, darling…”

 

“Ow… thank you so much! Better late than never.”

 

“I did not want to tell it through the phone and… our paths did not intersect in the past two days.”

 

Matt sighed: “And this is just ridiculous from so many reasons, and you know it.”

 

“Yes.” Alex admitted resting her head on his shoulder.

 

“I love you…” He whispered holding her closeer to him while she snuggled her nose in his neck.

 

“I know… and I love you even more…” She slowly broke the embrace and looked at him with teary eyes: “I will go put the flowers in a vase. Maybe… maybe we can go out for dinner…”

 

“Yes please… there’s no other way in which I want to spend the rest of this day. I suffered like a dog for being away from home today. I craved for you every passing moment… and the fact that you didn’t congratulate me until now just… hurt me so much.” Matt confessed with sad eyes.

 

“I am so sorry… I just… I was mad you decided to go to the studios today…”

 

“Well, I could not stand the thought of us having another fight on my birthday…”

 

“We wouldn’t have, Matt.” Alex said rolling her eyes.

 

“Well, how could I be sure of that, after the other day…” He said shaking his head.

 

“Not today… we’ll talk about this tomorrow. Let’s just not talk about it today. Ok? Let’s just… let’s just spend the evening together. Please, my love. It’s your birthday and… I need you.” She begged.

 

Matt nodded: “Go get a vase. Let’s get dressed and off to a restaurant.”

 

She giggled and gave him a bright smile before running out of the room and to the kitchen. Matt turned around and went upstairs to shower. It didn’t take Alex too long to arrange her flowers and to sneak upstairs into the bathroom. Matt laughed as he opened the cabin’s door for her. Without a word she wrapped her arms around him and started kissing him passionately, pressing her naked body on his. It took them more than one hour to get out of the bathroom.

 

“What do you want to wear?” Alex asked him while sliding the doors of their walk in dressing.

 

“Ah… whatever the wife orders.” Matt said with a grin.

 

She laughed and picked his skinny jeans and a nice shirt. “Put them on, husband.”

 

“Yes, boss.” Matt laughed reaching for the clothes. Alex shook her head with a smile, while turning her attention back to the wardrobe. He got dressed quite rapidly and then went next to her and leaned on the wall:

 

“I want to dry your hair. Can I dry your hair?” He asked fluttering his eyelashes.

 

“Argh… you’re just going to make it messy! You always do! One has to style the hair while blow-drying it, not just… well blow hot air aimlessly!” Alex complained.

 

“Birthday boy??? And I love to make it messy... but I promise to put it in a ponytail when I finish.” Matt said with a smirk.

 

Alex rolled her eyes and pointed towards the blow drier. Matt jumped like a happy puppy to get it, while Alex sat on the bed crossed-legged with her back to the edge and the towel still wrapped around her. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to relax completely while Matt played with her mane. She lost track of time, but she did not care. When he finished with his failed attempt at a braid and pressed his lips on her cheeks, she just felt really happy because of their small moment.

 

“So where are we going?”

 

“Wherever you want darling, it’s your birthday.” Alex laughed.

 

“The guys at the studios were speaking of this new sea food place which opened last weekend. Might be all reserved, since it’s Saturday and quite late already… but it sounds cool.”

 

“Well, check online. Maybe we’re lucky. Sea food sounds very yumm!”

 

Matt nodded and gave her another kiss on the cheek before leaving the room. Alex stood up, removed her towel and proceeded to putting on her bra and jeans. Then it suddenly hit her: “Oh, no!” Her eyes went wide remembering the laptop.

 

“Matt…” She said and quickly hurried after him. She entered the living room in a rush, having actually no idea as to what to say.

 

Matt was on the sofa staring at the screen of his laptop with narrowed eyes:

 

“Explain this!”

 

“Well… there is nothing to explain, actually…”

 

“There is nothing to explain? Then why did you hurry downstairs only with your bra on if there is nothing to explain?” Matt enquired.

 

“Matt, I was just reading the news and this article came up so…”

 

“So you decided to stalk his daughter?” Matt accused on an angry voice.

 

“What? No! What the hell, Matt? Are you kidding me? I was reading the news and there was this article about how he got into a fight with a couple of paparazzi because they kept on photographing his daughter…”

 

“So you decided to see those pictures the paparazzi took of his daughter? Or you just wanted to see pictures of him fighting the paparazzi?”

 

“No! Matt this is nothing!” Alex said on a categorical voice.

 

“Nothing? You googling _Ralph Fiennes daughter Vanessa paparazzi scandal_ is nothing?” Matt accused.

 

“Matt… honest to God! I just randomly read that article 15 minutes before you arrived and I was curious to see what everything was about. I was pleased to see that Ralph has the same attitude towards his daughter’s privacy as I had when Sal…”

 

“Oh really? You are pleased with Fiennes?”

 

“Matt, don’t be ridiculous! Why on earth are you acting like... like being jealous?”

 

“Ridiculous? You are stalking your ex-husband and his daughter online, and I am the ridiculous one? What is wrong with you??? Honestly, Alex!” Matt said putting the laptop on the coffee table and standing up.

 

Alex closed her eyes and sighed. “Well, I admit it wasn’t my finest moment… but I was just… well… even Ralph is a father, Matt!”

 

“OH MY GOD! Are you serious??? Did you just compare me with Fiennes?”

 

“I know you want children, Matt! And just because of me you won’t have this chance!” She said with tears invading her eyes.

 

“Don’t change the topic! Are you comparing me with your ex-husbands??? In your head?”

 

“I am not changing any topic! This is not about Ralph, or Florian! Don’t be silly! I am not comparing anyone! This is about you!!! I know you want children…”

 

“No. No. No… NO! We are not doing this now! I am so sick of this discussion! Can't you take a day off? I cannot bear hearing the words child or baby anymore! I do NOT want a child, Alex!”

 

“I know you do… I saw the way your eyes got so alive when you saw Karen’s twins for the first time! I see how you act around them every time you see them! I see how much you love them and how you want to be with them as much as possible! You are just brilliant with children… you would be a brilliant father… and it’s all my fault…” But she couldn’t end her sentence since a sob cracked her voice. Matt just rolled her eyes.

 

“Same speech every second day for six months. I will go INSANE! You are driving me insane, woman!”

 

“I just want you to be happy…”

 

“Then stop making me unhappy with your nonsense!”

 

“Nonsense?”

 

“Yes, nonsense! Alex, I gave up any thought of parenthood for you! How many times do I have to repeat this? Don't you get bored of the same arguments and counter arguments? I gave my any thoughts of being a father and this was a decision I made fully heartedly! What in this life do you want me to do to make you stop with this topic?”

 

“Matt I already offered you all possible solutions. I want you to have a child! I already looked into clinics, into lovely healthy ladies... Come on, let’s get a surrogate…”

 

“ARRGHHH! NO! NOOOOOO!” Matt shouted grabbing his head with his hands. 

 

“Matt… honestly! Stop being so stubborn!” 

 

“NO. NO. NO. NO. NO! And don't YOU dare to call ME stubborn!”

 

“MATT!”

 

“This is not a contest of who shouts louder, Alex! Listen to me for the billionth time: I won’t have a child with another woman while I am married to you! STOP WITH THIS!”

 

“It’s not like you’re going to have sex with that woman and impregnate her! I told you!” Alex rolled her eyes.

 

“No, it’s going to be worse! A wanna-be-God doctor will create my child in a lab!”

 

“Don’t be so hypocrite! Those ‘wanna-be-God doctors’ helped a lot of people!” She accused. 

 

“Good! I bear them a lot of respect! But we don’t need their help because we do not need a child! Can you honestly not understand that I feel uncomfortable with this whole story? Can you for once take my opinion in consideration? I don't want to have my seeds mixed up with those of some random woman! I cannot even begin to bring myself to see this as acceptable! I do not want a child with another woman, Alex! I love you. For me it will matter! PLEASE! I beg you! Just stop! For the love of God, just stop...”

 

“Matt, you are overthinking this! You make it sound so horrible! It's not like that... The child will be mine in all ways but that insignificant biological one. We will never be able to adopt because of my age! The procedures are anyway complicated and you well know I am above the upper limit! The only way is this… and I prefer it because the baby will be your baby! A small piece of you... your own flesh and blood, Matt! Please...”

 

“STOP IT, ALEXANDRA! STOP IT! I am not getting a surrogate! Just stop it...”

 

Right in that moment Matt’s phone rang. He shook his head in rage and answered without checking who was on the other end of the line:

 

_“Finally! I’ve been calling for hours! Happy birthday, Smithers!”_

“Thank you, Kazza! Sorry, I was filming!”

 

_“Yah, Salome said you’ve been busy! Thought you told me you took the weekend off?”_

 

“I did, then something came up. Are Salome and Myra there?”

 

_“Yes, they are here and they feel like babysitting! Also, Arthur just got home from rehearsals. So we were thinking to have a team Tardis evening at a pub to celebrate you reaching the half of another decade. How do you feel about us buying you many shots? Are you and Alex up for this?”_

“Oh, Kazza!!! Shots, shots, shots sounds just amazing! I definitely want to come to the pub, but Alex is not coming. She felt very tired and she went to bed.” Matt said while looking into Alex’s eyes. Her jaw dropped and she felt her heart breaking.

 

_“Are you sure Alex won’t want to come? You can always wake her up! For heaven's sake! It’s your birthday! What's up with that woman?”_

“I know it’s my birthday... But she didn’t feel particularly festive. She said she wouldn’t want to ruin my day even more.”

 

 _“Matt…”_ Karen said with a concerned voice.

 

“It's really fine. Don't worry. I don't mind. So where are we going?”

 

Karen didn’t know what else to say so she just gave him the name of a pub and agreed to meet in half an hour. With a fake smile Matt assured Karen he couldn’t wait to get there and then he hang up. He looked at Alex while sliding his phone back in his pocket:

 

“The Ponds are taking me out.”

 

“Matt… please. Don’t be like this. I want to celebrate your birthday with you too... I really want to come to the pub… please…”

 

“You see Alex, there is a problem: I really don’t want you there.” Matt said and, walking right past her, he left the room.


	37. The sinking of Britannia - A sequel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! Sorry for the delay..
> 
> Another story of the Britannia Awards. This time in November 2017!
> 
> Here's what Alex is wearing: http://www.pinklia.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/elie-saab10.jpg . 
> 
> Enjoy (kinda). And as always, I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts on the chapter! Xx

Saturday, November 4th, 2017 – L.A. 

 

“Hm, I don’t know… I am not sure what to say about this…” Matt said and wrinkled his nose. He was holding his mobile phone between his ear and his right shoulder while at the same time he was attempting to finish arranging his bow tie.

 

 _“It’s a very good opportunity, Matt… a very popular franchise…”_ His publicist insisted.

 

“I know, good franchise and all… but we’re talking about a sequel! It is well known that the sequels are almost always worse than the first parts…”

 

_“True, but I don’t think it will be the case this time.”_

“Have you seen the script? Do you know what you’re doing? I mean I trust you… It’s just that have a very bad vibe about this sequel. I won’t lie to you.”

 

Right in that moment Alex entered the living room and cleared her voice. Matt turned slowly towards her. His eyes went big in shock and his jaw dropped.

 

“I’ll have to call you back. Ok? Ok… Fine. Bye.” He threw the phone on the sofa and blinked twice while still staring at her: “What on earth did you do to your hair???”

 

“I had it shortened and straightened. I just came from the hair dresser ten minutes ago. I said hello, but you were too busy talking on the phone so I went upstairs to get dressed… You don’t like it?” Alex asked checking carefully his face expression and body language. She couldn’t not notice how good he looked in his black tuxedo and with his nice blue bow tie. It matched perfectly her equally blue dress.

 

“Well… it’s… unusual…” Matt said brushing his fingers through his hair.

 

“You don’t like it!!!” Alex exclaimed pointing a finger at him.

 

“Well… well… ah… well no, not really, no…”

 

“Excuse me, what?” She asked crossing her arms.

 

“I mean… well…”

 

“Well what!?!”

 

“I mean… it doesn’t really suit you… ah, at all… it kinda gives you… ah… quite an ordinary look... but it’s fine!”

 

“Ordinary? What? Now I am ordinary in your eyes?” She sighed in annoyance.

 

“What? No. Alex please don’t put words into my mouth. I said that the hairdo makes you look less… interesting than usual.” Matt tried to excuse himself.

 

“So now what? Am I ugly??? Is this what you’re trying to say?”

 

“What? No! No! I did not say anything like that, for heaven’s sake!!! You asked for an opinion, I gave you my opinion. Did you want me to lie? Can’t I not like something?” He said rolling his eyes.

 

“Oh well, there are a lot of things you don’t like about me lately... Just saying.”

 

“Are you serious? You well know this is not true! For heaven’s sake! Can’t a husband have an opinion? Sometimes I love what you wear, sometimes I don’t. I’m not saying that the hair is really horrible, I am just saying you can do better.”

 

“So now you’ve got a problem with the dress as well?!?”

 

“When did I even mention the dress??? I love the dress. The dress is nice. The hair is not.”

 

“You just said you hated what I wear!” Alex accused.

 

“I did not. I said that I sometimes love what you wear and sometimes don’t! Stop twisting everything! You developed this mania of putting other meanings into everything I say... I would be so happy if you just stopped.”

 

“I am fairly certain I did not develop any mania!”

 

“You just choose to think the worse out of what I say. All the time.” Matt said rolling his eyes. “I love your wild curls. I am sorry I could not hide my shock with your hair so straight! It’s not even Dinah straight it’s just… super straight!!! It’s as if a cow licked you all over your head and made your hair flat and without any sort of volume! It looks weird and I dislike it! Here. This is my honest opinion! I don’t have a problem with the dress. The dress is fine.”

 

“So my hair is horrible and the dress is ok? Anything else? Do you want me to have some 10 kg and 30 years less as well? Will your wife do then?” She narrowed her eyes and glared at him.

 

Matt’s angry eyes mirrored hers. He bit his lip and threw himself on the sofa while furiously removing his bow tie.

 

“That’s it. We’re not going anywhere.”

 

“Right. Pull a show like the brat you are and guilt trip me!!!”

 

“Do you think I am joking? I am not joking, Alex! I am fed up with your attitude! You are CONSTANTLY up for starting a scandal! And I cannot do it anymore!!! I simply cannot! How can you be so indifferent to my feelings?” Matt asked sighing.

 

“Says the boy who just shamed my looks. Matthew, cut the crap and put your stupid bow tie on. We’ll be late.” Alex replied and turned around to leave the room.

 

“I mean it, Alex. We’re not going anywhere.” Matt said shaking his head categorically and bent to undo his shoes. Alex turned around in a heartbeat and hurried towards the sofa.

 

“Stop it! Stop it with this! Do you think I want to go? Do you think I am in the mood for the stupid awards??? No. I am not! But we have to go. You’re presenting the Supporting Actress, for heaven’s sake!”

 

“They will manage without me!” He said reaching for the remote.

 

“Matt. Get. Dressed!” Alex threatened him with an uplifted finger.

 

“We are not going anywhere, Alex.”

 

“YES, WE ARE GOING!” She shouted stomping one foot.

 

“Oh well, you’ll see how we’re not going.”

 

“Stop being this stubborn! We have to go! And we’ll discuss our issues after the ceremony.”

 

“We can discuss our issues during the ceremony for all I care, since we’re not going to be at the ceremony anyway.” Matt said calmly.

 

“Get up!” Alex said and grabbed his arm violently.

 

“Let go of me, Alex!!!” Matt growled through clenched teeth and removed his arm from her grip with one quick move.

 

“When did you become this stereotypically grumpy, introvert and eternally annoyed husband?”

 

“When did you become this stereotypically hysterical, accusative and eternally annoying wife?”

 

Alex’s jaw just dropped. She rested a plain bitch face, looked at him with sharp eyes and said on a very even and grave voice:

 

“A bit of respect wouldn’t go amiss. After all I am a couple of decades older than you boy!”

 

Matt looked at her and blinked twice: “Excuse me? What did you just say? You’re my WIFE, Alex!!! Not my mother!!! Stop calling me 'boy'!!! It pisses the living soul out of me! I do not care about your age! Stop using it as an excuse to either guilt trip me or to accuse me! Stop acting as if I am inferior to you in this relationship. As long as I fuck you and you wear my ring, I am bloody equal to you! And I will show you only the respect you show me!”

 

Alex burst into tears immediately. She turned her back to him in a heartbeat and left the room crying. Matt let out a big sigh and buried his face into his palms. He could not bear their constant fighting. He felt like losing his mind! How could his marriage fall apart less than three years after promises of eternal love and support? His mother tried to calm him by saying that it was going to be ok… that insane fighting usually happened once a couple got out their honey-period, once they suddenly realized they’re stuck with each other for good… the rose tainted glasses fall and then everything just turns grim for a while! One has to learn how to properly come at terms with the reality of a life in two, a life of eternal compromise and balance of two different wills. Marriage is different than a simple relationship. Realizing that one cannot simply take their toys and leave after every disagreement makes one feel anxious and tied… blah, blah, blah… whatever you say, mom! Matt rolled his eyes. 

 

After all, his mother didn’t know the whole story. Of course she didn’t. It was not about him wanting to take his toys and leave… no. He would never leave her, despite anything she might believe. It was about compromise or Alex’s lack of it, for that matter! He just wanted Alex to act as her normal self again… he just wanted her to drop the stupid baby talk. They could not have a baby together! They knew that from the start. Then, why was she unleashing hell on their home for a barren – quite literally – subject?

 

Matt stood up and walked towards the DVD collection. He took his Doctor Who Series 6 DVD and put it in the player. He chose the “Let’s Kill Hitler” episode and hit play. That was a funny episode. Their performance in that one always made him laugh. The Doctor’s first interaction with River Song after he found out she was the daughter of his best friends was simply precious!

 

While watching, Matt felt the painful need to reach for that wonderful woman who was on the screen. He loved her! He loved every bit of her and he wanted to pull her in his arms and suffocate her with love. That was _his Alex_. The crazy actress who played River Song was _his Alex_. He had no idea why in the past half a year _his Alex_ suddenly drifted so far away… Why was she so out of reach? He sighed and tried to blink away the tears. Matt spent the entire episode thinking about how impossibly hard it was to miss so much the person who was right next to him.

 

“Matt…”

 

He was suddenly zapped back to reality by Alex’s voice. She reluctantly entered the room and took a couple of steps towards him. She probably had a quick shower because her shorter hair was as curly and wild as it could get! Her hair looked as if she did nothing but wash it and style it as for the everyday life. And she simply looked perfect.

 

“I… hm. We are quite late, the red carpet should be almost over and the ceremony will start... Can we please go?” Her eyes were nicely outlined by make-up, but it was obvious for him that she’s been crying.

 

Matt nodded and stood up obediently. He quickly put his shoes on and reached for the bow tie. He put it around his neck and began to tie it. Then he suddenly stopped. He walked cautiously towards her and when he saw that she was not pulling away, he smiled and bent to press a kiss on her lips: “Will you help me with the bow tie… please?”

 

Alex nodded and silently moved her hands to his neck. Matt followed her delicate hands with his eyes enjoying the way her wedding band twinkled when as her fingers moved.

 

“Thank you so much…” Matt whispered. 

 

“Can we leave now?” She said with a sad smile.

 

“Alex… you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Never doubt it. Not ever... and I love you with all my being… and I cannot wait for us to be ok again… because we will. I swear.” 

 

She nodded but said nothing else. Matt ordered a taxi and they left the house in perfect silence. Despite her attempt at amending the shallow cause of their fight and despite his words, the heavy atmosphere between them was almost palpable. Matt tried to move closer next to her on the backseat of the taxi, but Alex told him he would mess her dress. Matt took the hint and moved as close to the door as possible. Alex cleared her voice and whispered:

 

“I want us to go through the back door. The red carpet is most likely almost over, anyway. And I am in no mood to be paraded around.”

 

Matt closed his eyes painfully and bit his tongue. He counted to ten and tried to persuade himself that he had to keep his mouth shut. It was for the better. Then, he silently nodded. When they reached the venue, they sneaked backstage and Matt hurried to apologize for his late arrival and to ask details about what he had to do during the ceremony.

 

The evening passed painfully slow, and for a reason he still could not understand, Alex insisted they had to go to the after party as well in order to ‘tick the presence list’. They stayed at the table the whole evening making almost no conversation. Matt begged her several times to go and dance, but she constantly refused. When Lily James showed up out of nowhere and placed a hand on Matt’s shoulder, it was almost a relief for him:

 

“Matt you look so good!!! But your wife looks absolutely stunning!”

 

“Oh, doesn’t she?” Matt said with a bright smiled. “Hello, Lilz! How are you?”

 

“I am amazing. Thank you! I was actually trying to find you. The zombie girls were looking everywhere for you! So impolite not to come to say hello!” Lily shook her head and pretended to be offended.

 

Matt giggled: “Well, I should come and say hello indeed!”

 

“Brilliant! Alex do you mind if I steal your husband?” Lily joked. The wife’s face must have spoken volumes because Lily suddenly removed her hand from Matt’s shoulder and looked at Alex with slightly mortified eyes: “I mean… for five minutes for a short chat with the girls…”

 

“Oh, darling… yes of course! Go take him to dance. My head’s been hurting and poor Matt insisted for ages for a swing.” Alex giggled.

 

“No, sweetheart… I am ok.”

 

“Goooo… I’ll be here. I will be fine.” Alex assured him.

 

“Come with me to say hello to the zombie girls... Please...” Matt insisted.

 

“Goooo sweetie. I will be here drinking my wine.” 

 

Matt tried hard not to sigh. He wanted so badly to reply that she's had more than enough wine for the evening... but with Lily there the comment was entirely out of place.

 

Hence, he smiled fakely and stood up. Lily grabbed Matt by his arm and pulled him with her towards another table. Alex followed them with her eyes for a while, but she simply was not in the mood to see her husband surrounded by pretty blonde actresses so she looked away. She continued drinking from her wine as she scanned the room in search for familiar faces.

 

Her eyes suddenly fell on him...

 

Ralph was talking to someone several tables away from where she was seated. The lady didn’t seem too impressed with the conversation. She visibly sought an opportunity to escape and in no time Ralph was all by himself at the big table. Without realizing, Alex found herself standing up and walking in his direction. 

 

“Hello.” She said with half a smile.

 

Ralph looked at Alex and raised his eyebrow. Then he looked around them. No one else was in their immediate vicinity:

 

“Are you talking to me?” Ralph teased. “No restraining order? No intention of calling the security or the police?”

 

Alex rolled her eyes: “I can leave. Bye.”

 

“No…” Ralph grabbed her hand when she turned around. “I was just joking. Hello to you too, Alexandra. To what do I owe the pleasure of you talking to me?” He said with a smile and let her hand free.

 

“Well, I saw you having trouble entertaining your conversation partners. And I wanted to tease you about it.”

 

“Such a darling, Alexandra. As per usual. Have a seat.” He said rolling his eyes at her. 

 

Alex rolled hers as well, but took the chair next to him. Ralph saw the twinkle in her eyes and immediately knew that more alcohol could work in his favour. He grabbed a clean glass and poured her some wine. 

 

With his thin fingers wrapped around the glass, he slowly offered it to her: “You might be right, though. Apparently I did lose my appeal... Or maybe Miss Davies is right…”

 

“Miss Davies?” Alex asked without refusing his offering.

 

“Vanessa’s nanny. She always tells me that I speak only about my child and that I am becoming that sort of annoying parent no one wants to have around.”

 

Alex smiled and sipped from her wine: “Is that true?”

 

“I suppose it might be…”

 

“How old is your daughter now?”

 

“She’s eight… but oh dear, she grows so fast.” Ralph said with a nostalgic smile.

 

“How’s she like? How do you get along?”

 

“Oh, Alexandra! She’s a delightful human being! I love her more than life itself! I would literally do anything for her. Vanessa is a brilliant child. She has such a strong personality! It’s absolutely wonderful to see her blossoming. Especially since she was so broken when we met..."

 

"Go on..."

 

"Well, she had quite a life. I'll say no more than the fact that she grew up in an absolutely horrible orphanage. When I got her, she had just turned five and she was such a shy and scared child. I was, honest to God, constantly terrified that she would break or something!!! I am not even exaggerating. That’s how scared and submissive she was! And her little eyes were so sad… so terribly sad. We’ve been through months and months of therapy… but it all paid off in the end. She was young enough to get over everything. And she’s a completely different child now. She’s exactly as she was supposed to be all along! A little sneaky devil!” Ralph laughed. 

 

Alex could not hide a smile when hearing him talking so beautifully about his daughter: “Oh, Ralph… I’ve always known you would be a brilliant father!”

 

“I know you did, Alexandra. And I am so sorry for not listening to you. I honestly regret it. And I am not saying this just to agree with you or to reiterate how sorry I am for how things did not work out between us… I am saying it because, honestly, Vanessa is the best thing that happened to me. I can no longer imagine my life without ballet classes and the eternal Barbies scattered all over the house.”

 

Alex giggled: “Does Vanessa love ballet?”

 

“Oh, yes. She wants to be a ballerina. She’s already been in ballet classes for nearly three years now. She cannot wait to grow up to try the pointe shoes... but I would rather her stay little! She is brilliant as a child ballerina! There is no need for her to grow up... really!" Ralph laughed. "But no, really... she's very good at it. You should see her dancing around the living room with her colourful tutus. It’s magical! She's educated my musical tastes with all her classics. She loves _Swan Lake_ the most… music and story wise. But Clara is her favourite character…”

 

“Clara?”

 

“Yes… the Nutcracker Clara. Just don’t get Vanessa started on that!!! She’ll never stop! She’ll go full _Clara-this-Clara-that-Clara-Clara-Clara_ on you! She has a full army of Clara-Barbies, I can tell you that.” Ralph laughed and zipped from his whisky glass.

 

Alex laughed as well: “So the Barbies are her other big passion, I understand?”

 

“Unfortunately. They're a legacy of Dianne. Vanessa still sees her in every blonde and leggy Barbie…” Ralph said and left his eyes down for a bit.

 

“Ah… was Dianne her mother or…” 

 

“No… no… no! Dianne was my…” He stopped without knowing what to say. “… a friend.”

 

“Oh. I see.” Alex laughed and rolled her eyes in amusement.

 

“Well, I suppose she was more than a friend… but unfortunately I’ve always underestimated and undervalued her.”

 

“Ralph… you are a jerk. You really are the biggest arsehole this universe has created. But it’s good you realize it every now and then... Like now. It's good that you realized you haven’t been fair to this Dianne. And if you miss her… and especially since Vanessa seems so attached to her… just go and make things right!!! Don’t screw everything up, as per usual! Your child needs a mother... and ultimately any monster needs a companion. So buckle up. Make things right. For how long you’ve been together and apart... for that matter?”

 

“Thing is, Alexandra… I cannot really make things right anymore. Dianne died in a car accident two and a half years ago…”

 

Alex’s smile froze. “Oh… oh… Ralph. I am terribly sorry. I mouth just... started talking. I really had no idea. But I am sure she was a lovely woman who deserved…”

 

Ralph raised one hand to stop her: “Don’t… don’t. Please just... don't! Not because it hurts me, although it really does. But because Dianne would have never appreciated you saying a single good word about her.”

 

Alex frowned confused so he sighed and continued: “Well… in Dianne’s eyes you were the root of every single bad thing that happened to me. And on top of everything she was extremely jealous… and had a sort of sick hatred towards you... so… let’s just… not mention Dianne.”

 

Alex nodded: “I am sorry for whatever I did to her... even without knowing. And I am truly terribly sorry for her passing.”

 

Ralph nodded and quickly changed the subject: “Tell me about yourself. How's married life? Third time's the charm, they say..."

 

Alex smiled sadly and her eyes involuntarily searched Matt. He was still surrounded by the group of young actresses. Lily James was leaning on him and they were all laughing and having fun.

 

Ralph eyes followed Alex’s and he had to use all his acting ability in order to maintain a neutral face. She and Smith were having problems. Of course! Why else would she be tipsy, alone and speaking to him? But Ralph still smiled and looked at her with a piercing glance. He was curious and intrigued about her… He suddenly found himself wondering if he really loved Alex. After all those years? After everything he’s done to her? Was that love? He had never been capable of recognizing the feeling. He was not sure how that feeling actually felt. Maybe he did love her. Maybe he didn’t. He had no idea about it! But he knew for a fact that he wanted her. And he wanted her badly! He wanted her near him, he wanted her in his bed. Ralph looked at the teasingly diaphanous dress and wondered how she looked underneath it. Everyone knew! Alexandra Kingston was his! He’s always seen her as his!

 

Alex's eyes were still on Matt and the gang of girls while Ralph's mind was racing fast. He hadn’t put much thought into getting Alex back after the tragic end of his and Dianne’s constant scheming. However, Ralph suddenly wanted to play the game again!!! And now the stakes were even higher! Now he could steal Alexandra Kingston-Smith not from her stupid young boyfriend, but from her stupid cocky young _husband_!

 

Ralph smirked. Suddenly Dianne’s final plan, the one nicely outlined in her diaries, came back to his mind. Dianne said that time would work in his favour. Looking at Matt surrounded by young women and considering the simple fact that Alex decided to approach him, Ralph could see how Dianne got it right…

        

“It’s good… Married life is good.” Alex eventually said with a forced smile. Ralph pretended to be oblivious to her distress: 

 

“I am so glad to hear this. You deserve the best, Alexandra! I am really happy for you and that husband of yours, despite everything you may think.”

 

“Do you mean it?” She said rolling her eyes. 

 

“I actually do, yes.” Ralph replied with a bright smile. Alex looked into his eyes searching them. They were so sincere and genuine she could not help but fully smile back.

 

“Vanessa’s really made you a better person… Good on her!”

 

Ralph laughed. He wanted to say something but his phone suddenly started beeping. It was an alarm.

 

“Oh look… it’s time for me leave. I set a reminder to tell myself to go home early since I have a plane to catch tomorrow first thing in the morning. My baby is eagerly waiting for me home." Ralph stood up. The alarm actually had a very good timing. Leaving for home in the middle of a conversation would definitely convince Alex he was no longer interested in her. And that would work in his favour. Oh heaven! Why was he sounding like Dianne? 

 

Alex stood up as well and placed her glass of wine on the table: “So you live full time in London now?”

 

“Yes, we do. It’s better for us that way.”

 

Alex nodded.

 

Ralph looked at her: "It was lovely talking to you. You literally made my whole night." He smiled a bit awkwardly – intendedly so.

 

Alex returned the awkward smile. Damn! How were they supposed to break now? Politely nodding at each other? With a shake of the hands? A kiss on the cheek? How?

 

“Oh, darn it!” Alex exclaimed rolling her eyes. She opened her arms. Ralph laughed and didn't wait to be invited twice into her hug.

 

It was incredible how easily Alex lowered her defenses because of all the fatherly talk he's done. He did not lie, he did not fake. No, not even for one second. He meant every single word he said about Vanessa! He knew that he had a problem with constantly speaking only about his daughter... Vanessa was indeed his raison d’étre! There were no lies in what he said. But it was unbelievable how Alex simply melted at him for being a father. Was it that hard for her to imagine that he could still be a bad person and a father in the same time? Because he was... he knew he was a bad person. He's always been and he did not plan to stop. Especially not now when the evilest of plans ultimately started to show its fruits! Oh, Dianne, Dianne… Ralph thought. Good, old, Dianne!

 

From the other table, Matt spotted the hug with the corner of his eye and he almost dropped his glass. His heart started beating so fast he could feel his blood racing. He stood up and immediately excused himself. He gave a couple of assurances to the girls that they will meet more often for coffees and then he hurried back towards their table. Alex was already on her way there, while Ralph was leaving towards the cloackroom. 

 

“Everything alright? What did Fiennes want?” Matt asked on a worried voice.

 

Alex smiled remembering the 2009 Britannia Awards: “Yes, darling. Everything's alright. No need to punch him in the face again.”

 

Matt rolled his eyes:  “So funny, Mrs. Smith. What did you two talk about?”

 

"His daughter." 

 

"Oh... of course. Because even Ralph Fiennes is a father." Matt replied rolling his eyes and remembering the accusation Alex brought him the other week. 

 

“Take me home…” Alex whispered and closed the distance between them. She wrapped her arms around his middle and rested her head on his shoulder. 

 

Matt closed his eyes painfully and pressed his lips on her curls. He pledged to protect her and to put her above everything else, especially himself and his career. And what did he do? He's been neglecting her for at least a couple of months. Of course... she's acted as an impossible human being but that was no excuse. He should have been stronger, a better man for her. No wonder she kept on calling him a 'boy'. He did not raise up to her expectations. He's hurt her. But did he really hurt her that much that she found consolation only in a conversation with the Devil who's ruined her soul? Matt sighed. He felt so lost...


	38. Hold back the River

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweeties! I hope you will like this chapter. Writing it made me happy... so I would be very glad to hear that you felt the same while reading it. 
> 
> You'll probably want to listen to these two songs before starting, as they will play a small part in the story. Enjoy and have a lovely weekend everyone! Xx 
> 
> James Bay - Hold back the River ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqiH0ZSkM9I )  
> George Ezra - Listen to the man ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZS0WvzRVByg )

Sunday, November 5th, 1017 – L.A.

 

_Tried to keep you close to me, but life got in between…_

Alex stirred in bed and moaned almost silently.

 

_Tried to square not being there, but think that I should have been…_

 

Her head was hurting so much from the one too many glasses of wine she’s had the previous night. Was he for real?

 

_Once upon a different life we rode our bikes into the sky…_

What was he doing with his stupid guitar at that hour in the morning? Was he really so done with respecting her that he didn’t give a damn that she was still sleeping? Alex opened her eyes and sighed.

 

_Hold back the River, let me look in your eyes! Hold back the River so I can stop for a minute and be by your side… hold back the River, hold baaack…_

River… River… The word resonated like a jingle bell in Alex’s mind. Oh, but maybe… maybe Matt wasn’t being bluntly inconsiderate, maybe he just wanted to sing for her and wake her up in a nice way…

 

Alex took in a deep breath. The strong aroma of freshly ground coffee filled her lungs and her aching skull. She cracked a small smiled and closed her eyes again, listening to the way in which Matt was butchering James Bay’s beautiful song. The silly man did not know all the lyrics, his guitar was slightly out of tune… but oh, how he made her heart melt…

 

Melt… melt and hurt in the same time! The smile left her lips in the split of a second and Alex sighed remembering the previous night. Oh, another Britannia fiasco. Another horrible fight… even more painful words screamed at each other.

 

The fact that he was singing and playing the guitar did not mean that he was serenading her. The fact that the whole house smelled like hot coffee was no guarantee that he prepared two mugs… And could she blame him? They’ve been stiff and grumpy for way so long. 

 

Alex covered her face with her palms and burst into silent tears while downstairs Matt was still strumming his guitar… probably his much loved Tardis blue guitar… that guitar she bought him on their first anniversary… the day when he proposed… in happier days… much happier days despite the November rain.

 

She removed her hands from her face and looked towards the window. The November Californian sun was shining in spite of her. Alex felt furious and found herself longing for the familiar sound of a proper English November rain. She sighed and lowered her eyes. They involuntarily fell on the engagement ring she was wearing. The old engagement ring of her mother in law… That vintage and beautifully tacky ring he placed on her finger. Alex cracked a smile despite the pain she felt in her chest.

 

Oh, silly woman – she told to herself. What was the actual point of mourning a marriage that was not dead yet? Not yet… and not if she had anything to say about it!

 

With a quick and sharp move, Alex removed the duvet she was covered in and jumped off bed. A reality check! That’s what they both needed! She hurried outside the bedroom and ran down the stairs. Matt’s guitar fell silent for a moment only. With a terrible squeak of the chords, the amateur musician changed the song completely when hearing her steps approaching. The noise… argh _music_ … was coming from the living room, Alex figured with an amused smile and headed straight there.

 

_I feel your head resting heavy on your single bed… I want to hear all about it, get it all off your chest... Oh, I feel the tears and you’re not alooone… When I hold you, well, I won’t let goooo-oh…_

Alex smiled leaning on the door frame and stared at him. Matt was sitting crossed-legged on the sofa, with his precious blue guitar on his knee. The coffee table in front of him was covered in a colourful mountain of food, oh, the good old usual: pancakes, Nutella, fruits, croissants, ham, cheese… and yes, yes… yes! There was definitely coffee for two!

 

Matt slowly stood up, not letting go of his guitar.

 

_Why should we care for what they’re selling us anyway? We’re so younger than you knooow-ooohhh-ooowww…_

Slowly, slowly he dangled towards her.

 

_You don’t have to be there, babe! You don’t have to be scared, babe… We don’t need a plan of what we’re gonna do… Won’t you listen to the man who’s loving you?_

Oh, now her heart was ridiculously skipping beats.

 

_Your world keeps spinning and you can’t jump off… But I will catch you if you fall, I can’t tell you enough! I hate to hear that you’re feeling looooow… I hate to hear that you won’t come homeee…_

 

Alex smiled at him with all her heart. He was so bad it was painful for her ears, but he was nonetheless the only music she wanted to hear.

 

_Why should we care for what they’re selling us anyway? We’re so younger than you knooow-ooohhh-ooowww… You don’t have to be there, babe! You don’t have to be scared, babe… We don’t need a plan of what we’re gonna do… Won’t you listen to the man who’s loving you?_

 

Matt leant towards her and pressed his lips on her, while still attempting to tickle the chords. Alex delicately placed her long fingers on top of his and fluttered her eyelashes:

 

“Enough… enough… You’re a horrible musician…”

 

“Oi! Rude, Kingston!” Matt gasped offended.

 

“It’s _Smith_ to you, thank you very much.” Alex corrected him with a glare.

 

Matt's eyes started shining with delight. He threw his guitar on the nearest armchair and hurried to wrap his arms around his wife’s waist. He lifted her in her air and spun her a couple of times before putting her down again:

 

“Well good morning, Mrs. Smith.”

 

Alex offered him a weak smile: “Morning…”

 

“I love you!” Matt said kissing her small nose. She looked at him quite unsure of what was behind this whole attitude. He noticed her suspicion, but did not comment on it. Still entertaining the greatest of smiles, Matt tangled his fingers with hers and dragged her towards their breakfast. It was only then that Alex noticed the huge bouquet of white flowers which rested on the sofa, not far from his signature spot.

 

“Have a seat, my love…” He offered.

 

“Oh, well, thank you…”

 

“You’re welcome, _precious_!” Matt said with a grin. Alex frowned at the pet name she hasn’t heard in ages.

 

“Have I missed something?”

 

“Yes, you’ve missed receiving flowers from your husband who is a dumb arse and forgot to bring you any in more than a month and a half…”

 

Alex smiled involuntarily when he picked up the beautiful bouquet of roses and lilies and offered it to her: “They are absolutely beautiful…”

 

“Not even nearly as beautiful as you…” He said fluttering his eyelashes.

 

Alex glared at him again: “Did you cheat on me? Did you break something?”

 

“Your heart…” Matt said on a grave tone.

 

She burst into laughter instantly: “Stop it with the painful cheesiness, Matthew Robert Smith!”

 

He laughed too. “Okay, okay… I will be a grown up! I didn’t break anything, ok? And I won’t even bother answering your other question which is as offensive as it gets.”

 

“I was just joking, I know you would never do it.” Alex assured him.

 

“You’d better know! Alex, love… all I want is for us to work things out! I just cannot bear anymore to miss you so much! Because I miss you Alex! I miss you day by day, night by night. I miss you every given second… you are right here, next to me, but I miss you so much it hurts! I miss you because this simply isn’t us... and I am so tired of it all…”

 

Alex nodded and sighed, lowering her eyes. “I know…”

 

“This is me trying! Playing the guitar for you… preparing you a lovely breakfast… bringing you flowers… reminding you how much I love you… this is me trying! But I know this is not enough… a Sunday morning is not enough! So we’re going away!”

 

“What?” Alex frowned.

 

Matt winked at her: “Honeymoon, babe!”

 

“We’ve been in a honeymoon.” She reminded him.

 

“It was only a honey-week and it was more than two years ago! So we’re having a remake! Until December 1st! Almost one full month… in the middle of the ocean.”

 

“What are you on about?”

 

“I bought these today…” Matt took an envelope from the table and offered it to her. Alex took it and opened it immediately just to find two plane tickets inside.

 

“After we finish our breakfast – sex is desirable, but not compulsory – we’re going to pack. Our plane is leaving tomorrow morning.”

 

“Where are the girls?” Alex asked looking around suddenly realizing how quiet the house was.

 

“Karen and Arthur’s! And no worries, darling, Salome already knows the plan and she agreed with everything! She is actually more than happy with my idea. Our fights have been very heavy on her, so she cannot wait to spend some time with her father.”

 

“What about Myra?”

 

“What do you mean? I suppose Myra agreed as well... she's just a dog, she usually doesn't say much." Matt teased.

 

"Very funny, Matt. What I meant is where will Myra be staying if we go away?"

 

"Salome will take Myra with her, of course. The girls are inseparable, duh!”

 

“Matt…”

 

“Don’t contradict me, my love… we need to be on our own for a while, away from the world! We need to heal our relationship! This marriage will die only over my dead body!”

 

Alex gasped at his words, but then she forced a smile and nodded: “Where… where are we going?”

 

“Away from the world… in the most magically remote place I could find...” Matt declared proudly.

 

She bit her lower lip in anticipation: “Tell me…”

 

“Africa, Tanzania, Zanzibar, Pemba Island… something called the Manta Resort. They have this most amazing underwater room… it is like a little floating island in the middle of the ocean, a little cottage in the middle of the waves! We’ll arrive there on the 8th in the very morning. We will spend four days in the underwater room, then around two weeks on shore, and then other seven… no, eight days in the underwater room…”

 

“Matthew! How much did you spend?” Alex frowned at him.

 

“Frankly, my dear, it’s none of your business.” Matt laughed.

 

“We cannot take a one month vacation, Matt… plus… we cannot just leave tomorrow!”

 

“Of course we can take a one month vacation, and of course we can leave tomorrow!” He contradicted her.

 

“No, Matt, we cannot! In case you don’t remember, you’re still due at the studios for another week.”

 

“It’s a week of reshoots and re-recordings. I told them that they will have to deal with the scenes they already have, since I am otherwise engaged!”

 

“Matt… it doesn’t work like that…” Alex rolled her eyes.

 

“It does. Don’t you worry!” Matt said and reached for a pancake.

 

“What about the Cabana commercials you have to start in 10 days?”

 

“I just won’t be the face of D&C next season.”

 

“What??? Why???”

 

“Because I will be in my honeymoon 2.0.” He laughed which annoyed the hell out of her.

 

“Matthew! Listen to me…” Alex said pointing a finger at him.

 

“No, Alex… no… you listen to me! We’ve been fighting for almost half a year! Yesterday reached my limits. I’ve been a complete jerk, I admit it… and I am terribly sorry for it. And I wish I could take back every single word I said…”

 

“It’s fine. It’s not only your fault. But you cannot just ditch everything and take a one month of vacation!”

 

“I can, Alex. And I will! And I know you can as well. You are done with your play and you don’t have anything scheduled until the end of the year. Except a convention that you will cancel.”

 

“Matt…” She protested again.

 

“Alex… listen to me! Please… I just feel, heavily so, that I have broken parts of my vows: I promised you that I would never allow our hectic programs and our busy careers to get in the way of our relationship. I promised I would protect and respect you. I don’t care which of us was responsible for starting our series of fights. All I care for is the way in which I buried myself in work and avoided and neglected you, instead of trying to face our issues. I want us to go away together. I want us to relax for some days in the middle of the ocean! Just you and me, nothing more and no one else! No technology, no contact with the real world. Books, music, swimming, sunbathing, lots and lots and lots of crazy sex. I want to make love to you under the naked sky, then under the ocean… can you just picture it? I want to spoil my wife and I want her to spoil me. I want us to clear our minds and relax! Then, during the two weeks ashore we can, and must, discuss everything that happened. We have to see why everything went south in the past months… we have to decide how to fix it and how to avoid it in the future. You will see that our vacation will work wonderfully!!! It might be a bit too long… but that is me being greedy! That is me not wanting to share you with the real world for as long as possible. On the 24th of November we’re getting the underwater room again, just in time to celebrate our four year first-date anniversary… and spend some final days in paradise before coming back to the land of the living… So, what do you say, Mrs. Smith?”

 

“Yes, yes, yes!” Alex threw herself in his arms and left out a sob of relief when he pulled her close. She started crying because she could not help herself. He slowly caressed her back while whispering into her ear:

 

“Gotcha…”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Friday, November 24th, 2017 – Pemba Island 

 

Alex was sitting on the outside sofa surrounded by many colourful cushions. She was pretending to read her novel, while Matt was struggling to play the guitar at the other end of the couch, cross-legged and facing her. The sun was shining, making the ocean twinkle in magical shades of blue. Her hair and white swimming suit were still slightly damp after the last round of dives.  

 

It was their first-date anniversary day and, as Matt had planned, they returned to the lovely underwater room for the last leg of their long vacation in paradise. November was nearly gone, but with every passing day Alex felt happier and happier. In fact, she could not remember the last that she felt that good, that content and at peace with herself and her life. Matt had been completely right! They needed to clear their heads, they needed to remember what they and their relationship was about: two people who loved each other despite all odds, two people who were enough for each other, two people who did not need anything and anyone else in order to have a self-sufficient relationship.     

 

True, despite Matt’s apparently well-established agenda, they did not discuss at all about their fights. They did not try to avoid the issue, to camouflage it, they simply silently concurred that there was nothing to discuss about. Alex genuinely felt that both she and Matt had realized that all the drama was caused by her eternal insecurities; by her fear that Matt would eventually leave her unless they had something that bound them together; by her regret of stripping Matt of his chances of having a normal family. Their “honeymoon 2.0”, as Matt called it, made her understand clearer than ever that she had to trust her husband completely, since he nonetheless did the same. Yes, she was happy, she was at peace, she was…

 

“Ah!” Alex suddenly got startled by Matt’s kiss. She’d been so lost in her thoughts and in all the reassuring arguments she was filling her mind with, that she did not notice him leaving his guitar aside and slowly crawling on the sofa towards her.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?” He smiled.

 

“I was just thinking about how much I love you…” Alex replied kissing him back. “And about how wonderful this vacation is and about how I feel my soul healed from all the self-induced depression of the past months…”

 

“I’ve been thinking a lot… and I actually want to tell you something.” Matt confessed while sitting on his knees in front of her on the sofa. Alex adjusted her position crossing her legs so she could face him directly. She closed her book and put it aside.  

 

“What have you been thinking about?” Alex smiled while placing one hand on his cheek and caressing it with her fingers. Matt slowly bent his head in order to catch her hand between his cheek and his shoulder; then he kissed it softly.

 

“Well, we might be quite busy next year.”

 

Alex looked at him confused. Matt smiled and continued: “I got a very good role in a massive production… and we start filming in the beginning of next year.”

 

“Oh, Matt! That’s wonderful!” She declared lighting up even more and clasping her hands together in delight.

 

“Yes, I am quite excited about it! It’s going to be great and half of the filming will take place in the UK, so we will get to spend time in our wonderful house which we're not really using at all. But… the problem is that the other half will be here in Africa. On the continent in some quite remote places.”

 

“Ow… well, not big of a deal. When and for how long?”

 

“Only a couple of months. Ten weeks, actually. From March till… May.”

 

“Ah!” Alex gasped thinking immediately about her and Salome’s birthdays, her and Matt’s wedding anniversary and River and Doctor’s wedding anniversary – which they were still celebrating for some reason.

 

“I know… I know… I really know that every important anniversary is happening at some point during those weeks, but…”

 

“It’s alright, darling.” Alex reassured him by wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing a kiss on his head. Matt pulled her closer. He turned into proper sitting position on the sofa and forced her to straddle him. She didn’t complain at all, as she found nothing but comfort in the way in which her bare skin rested on his.

 

“And there is more…” Matt whispered.

 

“Oh, isn’t there always?” Alex chuckled and pressed her lips on his neck. Oh, he was so salty from all the ocean swimming. He tasted quite delicious and she could not help but lick him from the base of his neck up till his ear. Matt shivered in delight and moaned slowly.

 

“I wanted us to take advantage of this time alone since…” He started but she kept kissing him.

 

“Oh, but we are taking advantage of the time alone…”

 

 “Good, because maybe we’ll have our hands full next winter.”

 

Alex leaned a bit back in order to frown at him again: “I’m lost?”

 

Matt laughed. Then he stopped, cleared his throat, took in a deep breath and softly whispered: “I want us to have that child…”

 

“What?” Alex stood up immediately and looked at him. She felt confused and for a second her heart stopped. She wrapped her arms around her waist and looked at him. Was this a sort of test? She thought they quietly decided not to address the child issue and the whole surrogate affair!!! She thought that during those weeks in the middle of nowhere, in Paradise, they both agreed to forget everything and move on. What was he doing?

 

Matt stood up, moved closer to her and placed his hands on her elbows: “I thought about it… and I want us to have that child you so much dream of.”

 

“Why?” She could not hide her confusion and surprise.

 

“Because, Alex… marriage is all about understanding the needs and wishes of each other, respecting and valuing them. I was insensitive towards your feelings, I did not consider at all how my behaviour would impact on your already problematic history with this topic… I was selfish and I was…”

 

“No… no…” Alex interrupted him. “No… no. I was selfish and I did not consider at all your opinion and feelings on the matter. Matt, we don’t have to do this… we don’t need to.”

 

“Of course we don’t have to… but, I want us to.”

 

“Do you really?” She asked sighing and slowly took a step back. “Or you want us to because I wanted us to… don’t be me… please Matt, don’t be me…”

 

“I don’t understand… don’t be you in what way?”

 

“Ever since my first marriage I had this fixation that the only way in which two people can be a real family is by having children. I was more than obsessed with the thought of having a child because deep down I feared that unless we have a child, unless we have that sort of binding… experience… then my marriage will fall apart… which it did! This only reinforced all my fears and I went through hell in order to make sure that it wouldn’t happen again! Of course, of course that I also wanted children for myself! Absolutely! It’s always been my greatest dream to be a mommy and I have been blessed with the experience. But that was not all, I did not do it only for myself… I did it for my relationship too. Although I and Florian had Salome, our marriage was still on shaky grounds. Our problems were caused by the many failed IVFs and adoptions, but I could not realize this. I thought that maybe our family was not enough and I thought that maybe… maybe a bigger family would mean a happier family!!! And I went all mental once again trying to have another child. And I ended up destroying everything... _again!!!_  Matt… I know better now! I do! You proved to me time and time again that I approached wrongly my previous relationships. You showed me that because of my fears and insecurities I had the wrong attitude towards marriage. But now I know… because you made me see that when two people love each other as we do nothing and no one else matters. A child would never make us happier than we already are… a child would never bring us closer than we already are…”

 

“But Alex…”

 

“I know you don’t really want a child… not like this. Not in the only way we can have one. Deep down you are just doing this for me, not for us! And this is wrong! You're doing it just because you think I would leave you otherwise... which I never would! Look into my eyes and tell me that you really want a child…”

 

Matt slowly shook his head. “No… I don’t. Not like this, and not this way… because it wouldn’t be yours…”

 

Alex nodded: “I know... and I am sorry…”

 

He laughed: “Don’t be silly. It’s not your fault.”

 

“Technically, it is. I never lied when I said that I really wanted you to be a father… because you’d be a great, absolutely great one! And despite what you say, I know it is my fault… because of my age, my history…”

 

“Shush. Come here!” Matt pulled her into his arms and hugged her close to his chest. “Let me tell you a general truth: one cannot miss something one’s never had. I will never miss being a father. But I can assure you that I would miss more than anything in the world being your husband! I do not want to have to go through the ordeal of not having you as my wife… And if me having a child with another woman is what you want… my love, my beautiful amazing love… that’s what I want as well!”

 

Alex laughed and playfully slapped him over his biceps: “You’re such a narrow minded man… how many times did I tell you it’s not actually a child with another woman?”

 

“Rude, Kingston-Smith! I am not narrow minded! I’d call it conservative.” Matt said rolling his eyes.

 

“Tell me… tell me about the dream family you’ll never have.”

 

“Don’t be silly. I’d rather focus on the dream family that I do have.”

 

“I am not silly, and I am not sad, and I do not pity myself. I am just curious.” Alex assured him with a bright smile. She loved the way in which the room-island was floating on the waves. While standing on that outside-living-room-deck, the movement of the ocean was more noticeable than when laying or sitting down.

  

“Well, I always imagined that destiny would bring my way some nice and fair girl who would just have that aura which says ‘eternal companion’. I’d fall in love, propose, get married, have children, have grandchildren, be boring and stuff like that. Small house, nice garden, green grass… simple stuff. No red carpets, no walk of fame, no fans, no comic-cons…”

 

Alex smiled and pressed a kiss on his mouth: “You and me… we’re just the same!”

 

“That’s why I married you! We are the same! And I do not care that my life is different than the boring one I imagined. I have everything I want and more! And I don't dislike fame as much as I pretend to do...” Matt winked at her.

 

"I know... same!" She giggled. "So... let's just forget about this, ok? Let's pretend it never happened. It was just a test! And I do believe we grew stronger because of it. We don't need anything else than each other. And we already have the girls... and Karen's girls and... I love you and I am sorry for everything I've put us through these months."

 

"Yes, my love..."

 

“Oh, wish I could have been that fair girl you hoped for. Sometimes I am furious that the Universe played a time joke on us…”

 

“A time joke? That’s how our age difference is called now?” Matt laughed.

 

“It sounds good, doesn’t it?” Alex teased.

 

“Woman, I do not need a fair girl! You’re my whole life!” He shook his head in delight while looking at her and still laughing.

 

“If you don’t stop being cheesy, I will feed you to the sharks!” Alex threatened.

 

“Really?” Matt frowned and immediately picked her up and put her over her shoulder. “I’ll show you sharks!”

 

“Don’t!” Alex complained when seeing him walking towards the end of the deck. “No, no, no, no! I’ll behave!!! You'll get my hair all we... aaaahh...”

 

Matt just laughed and without thinking about it twice he just threw her in the ocean. He walked back several steps giving her time to surface and prepared himself for a sprint towards the end of the deck.

 

“I hate you!” Alex declared clearing her soaked curls from her eyes.

 

“No, you don’t!” Matt laughed and started running towards her before diving head front and screaming: “Geronimo!” Alex laughed and turned her face away from the splash wondering if she’ll ever get enough of him.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Manta Resort, the wonderful underwater room I could not stop thinking about ever since I saw it in an article last year. Here is where Matt and Alex spent their honeymoon 2.0. Isn't this a piece of heaven? 
> 
> http://www.themantaresort.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/uw-room.jpg
> 
> https://www.yatzer.com/sites/default/files/article_images/3325/4-underwater-room-Manta-Resort-Pemba-Island-Tanzania-yatzer.jpg
> 
> http://www.themantaresort.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/manta-resort-under-water-room-slider-2.jpg
> 
> http://www.jebiga.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/MANTA_RESORT_UNDERWATER_ROOM_ZANZIBAR_6.jpg
> 
> <3 <3 <3 I adoreeeee that room. <3 <3 <3


	39. Victorian Vices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!!! 
> 
> Sorry for the long delay in posting this chapter but the Holidays kept me so busy. But they were absolutely amazing. I hope it was the same for all of you. Xx

Wednesday, February 7th, 2018 – London 

 

Alex finished cooking the dinner slightly earlier. She arranged the bouquet of white flowers on the kitchen’s table before placing the two plates on their already established spots. She adored that kitchen! There was no secret that she loved their London house way more than the L.A. one. It’s been hell to purchase it, especially due to her moods – Alex had to admit – but when they finally got the house, it immediately felt like home.

 

She heard Matt’s car being parked outside and she ran to the window. She waved at him and he blew her a kiss. Poor little husband of hers, he looked so tired! But he was happy and Alex knew it. They were happy. Happier than they’ve been at any other point in their relationship. Their insanely long November vacation and good old London put everything back into place. Some more months and Salome would finally be done with high school and move over the pond for university. And after that they will all live happily ever after! What could possibly go wrong?

 

Matt’s keys unlocked the door with a click and Alex startled. Bad wife! She got so lost in her thoughts that she forgot to open the door for him. Alex ran to the entrance just as he was getting inside. With a smile written all over her face she jumped on him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Matt laughed and held her near.

 

“Good evening, my precious.”

 

“Evening, darling!”

 

“You seem happier than usual…” Matt noticed and pressed a couple of kisses on her cheeks.

 

“I may be. Dinner?”

 

“Yes please! I am starving…”

 

Alex looked at him and frowned: “Did you eat anything today?”

 

“Ah… yes… I did…”

 

“Matthew!” She crossed her arms and gave him _the wife look_.

 

“No… sorry… I didn’t. I really didn’t have the tim…”

 

Alex slapped him over his arm: “Go wash your hands and come to eat before I get angry!”

 

Matt giggled and saluted, then he headed towards the bathroom. He was happy. More than happy. Coming home to her was the highlight of his days, regardless of how exhausted he felt.

 

“You are working again too much, my love!” Alex complained leaning towards him and placing a kiss on his forehead. Matt had finished his dinner in under ten minutes and now he was laying super stuffed on the chair, while looking at her with tired eyes. She shook her head disapprovingly: “Juice?”

 

“Some wine or a beer, maybe?” Matt suggested. Alex smiled and stood up to fetch him the drink. She poured him some wine and then she mixed herself some Campari orange.

 

“So tell me about your day.” She said while offering him the wine glass and resuming her place at the table.

 

“Same old, same old. There’s not much to say. We’ve been filming the whole day. And it was actually a very productive day. We might even finish with half a week earlier than expected. This will give me some home-time before I have to leave to the end of the world…” Matt rolled his eyes and took a sip of wine.

 

“Don’t whine about it, sweetie. You well know the project is worth the pain! It’s just some ten weeks. You will be very busy, you won’t even have time to miss me!” She teased.

 

“I miss you during a normal workday when I don’t see you for some ten hours! Ten weeks will be hell…” Matt assured her with his best puppy dog face. Alex melted at the sight and reached for his hand. They tangled their fingers over the table and stared into each other’s eyes as a pair of newly-weds:

 

“You are absolutely adorable and I love you! You know this, right?”

 

“I do, but I can never hear it often enough!” Matt lifted her hand and kissed it. “So come with me…”

 

“Come with you?” Alex asked confused.

 

“In Africa…”

 

She giggled: “I cannot actually…”

 

“What do you mean you cannot?” Matt frowned.

 

Alex chuckled and gave him her widest smile: “I have news!” 

 

“What sort of news, Mrs. Smith?”

 

“Well, my publicist called this morning.” Alex said fluttering her eyelashes. “He asked whether we could meet for a coffee since he had an extremely good project in store for me. So we met and discussed about it for a bit. The production has an insanely huge budget and apparently the expectations in what concerns the film are equally high. The whole discussion took less than thirty minutes and everything went very smoothly… Cuz’ apparently the producers and the director specifically want me to play the lead role! So we went to have lunch with the producers and afterwards I had a sort of very small audition. All went super well… so I got it...”

 

Matt stood up and jumped on her kissing her on the cheek and mouth: “Ow, congratulation my precious!”

 

Alex giggled while kissing him back. “Thaaaank yoooouu…”

 

“Come on, let’s go get comfy. I will clean the dishes later.” Matt offered and, taking both their glasses from the table, he bounced towards the living room. Alex followed him shaking her head at his already notorious excited puppy attitude. She threw herself on the sofa next to him recovering her drink. Matt raised his glass for her and she slowly bowed her head in front of him.

 

“Tell me, tell me, tell me!!!” Matt clapped enthusiastically after putting his wine on the coffee table. “What’s the film about?”

 

“Oh, it’s scandalous!!!” Alex declared with her eyes on fire.

 

“Intriguuuuuueeed!”

 

“It’s called _Victorian Vices_ and it’s based on some historical and psychological hypotheses which argue that the very strict and prude education most rich girls received in the 19 th century influenced their deviant behaviours as adults… Did I explain this correctly? Basically, those doing the study believe that a lot of aristocrat girls developed immoral attitudes later on in life… Anyway, I do not really know the concept behind it that much. I will definitely research all about it later on… you know, just to know everything about everything as I like!!!” She giggled sipping from her Campari and Matt felt his heart exploding of joy seeing her so happy and enthusiastic.

 

“The plot starts with this young aristocratic girl who’s been kept absolutely and idiotically innocent her entire life. Hence she knew nothing about life, about love, or about marriage when she got engaged at the age of 17. Her wedding night was a shocking experience and so was her pregnancy. She was a mother at 18 and then again at 19. She was scared and disgusted with the world. She could not get over the idea that the innocent world she grew up in was not real, she could not believe that the real world was a world in which such sins of the flesh could happen… In other words she got pretty much traumatized for life. So she slowly shrank as a human being. She became small and subjugated. She followed the example of her mother and raised her daughters with the same strictness and unhealthy innocence. Poor soul, my character that is… she never knew otherwise! So she made the same horrible mistakes. That is the background information in the very beginning of the film. The real story starts when I come in. The character is already in her late-40s when she meets this bourgeois friend of her husband’s… Until that moment she knows nothing else but the Victorian values! After meeting this man she succumbs to all of the epoch’s vices. It’s a drama and her husband murders her in the end…” Alex laughs making her curls bounce. “Sorry sweetie for the spoilers!!! But I am super excited!”

 

Matt laughed as well: “It sounds really intense…”

 

“It is intense!!! You should see the dialogues! I cried… really cried just reading a couple of scenes from it! Not even the whole script! I suppose I will pour my soul out while filming it but… it’s so worth it!”

 

“Oh! And that shitty husband of yours will be away filming in Africa… Who’s going to caress you and wipe away your tears?” Matt placed too fingers on her cheeks and moved them tenderly along her face and chin.

 

“Ow, shitty husband of mine! Now my heart is breaking. Pff… I guess some tissues will have to do!” Alex said fakely annoyed and rolled her eyes making him laugh even harder.

 

“Will you wear corsets?” Matt bit his lower lip and looked at her with hungry eyes.

 

“Yes, I will.”

 

“Will your boobs be all out staring at people and looking hot?” He asked crawling on the sofa on top of her.

 

“Yes, they will.”

 

“Will I get insane of jealousy in Africa?”

 

“Oh, you’d better…” She purred tangling her legs around his middle. Matt moaned and automatically cupped her breasts with his hands before bending and starting kissing them through the cotton of her t-shirt.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

More than a week later, Matt tip toed inside the house a bit past 2 a.m. He felt exhausted and could not wait to go to bed. He threw his shoes out without bothering to put them in their proper place and, with a big yawn, he headed towards the stairs. He stopped and frowned when he noticed light coming from Alex’s reading room. The door was slightly opened.

 

“Precious?” Matt whispered carefully knocking on the door frame. Alex was in her armchair covered in a little blanket and holding her Tardis tea mug with both her hands. She looked so terribly lost in her thoughts, maybe even sad. Matt took a couple of steps towards her just to realize that she didn’t really notice his presence.

 

“How come you’re still awake?” He said softly, careful not to startle her too much. Alex just smiled and slowly turned her head towards him.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“Yes… I am alright. I just could not sleep.” She confessed.

 

“I am sorry for being out so late… we really had to finish…”

 

“Oh, no… I know… you’re anyway early. I thought you wouldn’t be home until something like two in the morning.”

 

“Well… it is two in the morning.” Matt smiled sadly, now being convinced that something was not alright with her. “What’s wrong, Alex?”

 

“Nothing really… it’s just…” Alex sighed and placed her mug on the coffee table which was covered in random piles of paper. “I got the full script today…”

 

Matt looked at the table and reached for the nicely printed and bound booklet on top of which her spectacles rested.

 

_~ Victorian Vices ~_

_Written by Dianne Nightingale_

 

“Wow… this will be quite a read!” Matt said scheming through the massive document.

 

“Maybe…”

 

“Alex… please. I am getting worried!” He said placing the script back on the table. Alex smiled sadly and curled more on the armchair in order to make space for him to sit next to her. Matt sat down and pulled her on his lap.

 

“I want to discuss something with you. I need to take a decision… I just, have no idea what to do…”

 

“About the film?” He asked frowning.

 

Alex nodded: “I need to give them a definitive answer until tomorrow. They want us to sign the contracts and everything. In a way it’s kind of rushed… but they need to get everything started. I stayed up to wait for you although I knew you’d be very late… I just don’t want to take this decision alone.”

 

He placed a kiss on her forehead and brushed his fingers through her hair: “But you love the project… you’ve been going on and on about it for the past week or so. Did something happen? What made you have second thoughts when only yesterday you were so excited about everything?”

 

“Ralph…”

 

Matt frowned and looked at her confused: “Fiennes?”

 

“Yes…”

 

“What’s he got to do with it?”

 

“He’s the… he’s playing the man who breaks my character’s marriage.”

 

“Fiennes? So… are you supposed to act opposite to him?”

 

Alex nodded.

 

“Oh… oukey… how do you… how do you feel about it?” Matt asked feeling his own heart beating several times faster.

 

“I don’t know. We’ll have to interact a lot!” Alex bit her lip, being so obviously worried.

 

“What worries you the most about… well… working with Ralph? You met today, right?”

 

“Yeah… he was there.” Alex admitted and Matt involuntarily pulled her closer to him.

 

“Did you see him after the Britannia last year?”

 

“Of course not… we’re not friends or anything.” She said rolling her eyes.

 

“Well, you did hug at the Britannia…” Matt could not help but remind her.

 

“It was just a goodbye…”

 

“I know… I was just trying to figure out if he made you feel bad again.”

 

“No, we were civil. And very professional I might say.” Alex had to admit.

 

“Professional is great. I mean… the past is the past, he cannot really hurt you now. Can he? You are a strong and brilliant woman, happily married… or at least I really hope so. You don’t have to be friends! He doesn’t have to come for dinner, you don’t need to go for coffee… you can easily be professional with him, right?”

 

“But we’ve never worked together… at this scale! Only shitty pieces in school. And he is a much better actor than I am…”

 

“That’s just bulshit!!! Nonsense!!!” Matt said glaring at her. “He’s an arse! You are a great actress! You can totally outmatch him!”

 

“Maybe…”

 

“If the idea of working with him troubles you so much… just don’t take the part. On one hand, I would never advise you to accept a project that makes you feel stressed and on alert all the time. But on the other hand, you cannot reject such a massive project just because your ex-husband is a bastard. You know this film will be a great bust to your career…”

 

“I know… I want the role… I really, really, really do! I really want it…” Alex sighed and cupped her face with her hands. She had no idea what to do. She felt utterly desperate and she could barely hold herself together. Matt’s arms around her made her feel safe, but he’ll be away in Africa for most of the time when she would have to see Ralph on a daily basis. Her stomach felt sick and she wanted to throw up. There was one thing to see him once in a blue moon at a party and maybe exchange a couple of words, but there was something completely different to actually give him, even for a short period of three-four months, a place in her life again.

 

“I want the role… I want it so much!” She whispered again starting crying. Matt pulled her even closer until her head rested on his shoulders and she was curled up on top of him.

 

“Shh… shhh… don’t cry my love. You deserve the part. It’s been very long since Ralph broke your heart. Look, I know the man is a proper villain! I told you many times that I hate him passionately for everything he’s done to you. But would he really hurt you deliberately? Especially in such a public environment. You will never have to be completely alone with him. It’s not as if he would wake up saying to himself ‘time to go to work to make Alex’s life a hell!’”

 

“No… I don’t think it would be like that.” She admitted trying hard to hold back the tears.

 

“Then?” Matt whispered.

 

“I don’t know… there is just something… something I am very scared of… something I cannot name…”

 

“Are you scared of your own feelings?”

 

“What?” Alex asked breaking the embrace and staring at him.

 

“Do you doubt them? Do you think you may still be attracted to him?”

 

“Are you joking or something?”

 

“Should I be scared that you will end up in his bed?” Matt said the words without changing at all his calm tone, but the truth was that he was dying of jealousy. His blood was racing and the veins in his head were pulsating.

 

“Matthew!!!” Alex exclaimed standing up at once form his lap. Matt grabbed her hand.

 

“No! Let go! I cannot believe you said that!” She gasped with hot tears rolling down her cheeks.

 

“No… my love… Don’t get like this. I am not accusing you. I am just trying to help you put your thoughts and feelings in order...”

 

“There are no feelings! How can you think that… do you actually believe I could cheat on you?” Alex asked starting sobbing as she removed her hand from his grip. 

 

Matt stood up immediately and wrapped his arms around her. She tried to push him away but he only held her closer. 

 

“I cannot believe you think… that…”

 

“You’ve been together for many years. He was once your biggest love. It is only human for me to worry about this… This does not mean that I actually believe you would cheat on me… it was a misplaced comment...”

 

“I wouldn’t! Not with anyone. Not ever! And especially not with him!”

 

Matt exhaled in relief and Alex just broke the embrace and punched him with one fist in the chest. She looked properly offended and she wiped away her tears in rage.

 

“I am sorry…”

 

“Are you now?” She accused him.

 

“I got jealous, ok? I am sorry…” Matt admitted sighing.

 

“You got jealous?”

 

“A bit yes… it’s just because I know how much you loved him… you loved him so much that the memory of that love made you somehow get over his betrayal and accept a freaking skiing vacation in Germany…”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Matt? That was four years ago…”

 

“You still went…” Matt whispered through his teeth.

 

“I thought we talked about why I did it… I thought you understood.”

 

“I did and I do! I was just underlining why I have very good reasons to be jealous. Plus, I suppose you’re going to kiss him… aren’t you?”

 

“No. I will not kiss him!” Alex snapped.

 

“Will your character have to kiss his character?”

 

Alex sighed and lowered her eyes. “Okay… okay. If you are so jealous I will not take the role.”

 

“I did not say that… I could never say that! It’s a massive production. It’s a very good role... It would be plain stupid to refuse it… As I said earlier, it will mean a hell lot to your career. And you should not give it up just because of Fiennes… I just got jealous because I love you. Being jealous is good actually. Shows you how much I care, right?” Matt said smiling. “It’s an amazing role…”

 

“It’s not worth us…” Alex said allowing a smile to curve her lips. She cleaned her face from all the tears and let out a deep breath. “Nothing is worth us…”

 

“You should take it…” Matt nodded regretting his outburst.

  

Alex shook her head slowly. “You are right. It’s Ralph we’re talking about. For all I know he might as well be behind the whole project. Maybe it’s just a plan of his to break us up. Maybe he actually wants to get into my pants...”

 

“Please… he’s too stupid to be this Machiavellian.” Matt laughed. “Take it.” He said reaching for her hand and slowly squeezing it.

 

“I don’t know…”

 

“I know you want it. I know how much you want this part. You’ve chanted over and over again how happy you are for getting this role. It will be an amazing film. Don’t let him ruin it for you. As you said, you are not friends and you don’t have to be friends. You will be just co-stars. For all we care, you don’t even have to be in good terms with him. Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable hated each other… yet, Scarlett and Rhett had amazing chemistry on screen…”

 

“They did not hate each other… there was no feud.” Alex contradicted him.

 

“There was!”

 

“They both said in many, many occasions that there was no bad blood between them.”

 

“They so hated each other!”

 

Alex rolled her eyes: “We’re not debating this again.”

 

“Well we shouldn’t debate anything, since it’s well known that they hated each other!” Matt winked.

 

“I will just say that I see your point with the comparison, but this does not mean you are right about Leigh and Gable.”

 

Matt laughed. She smiled for a couple of seconds then she sighed:

 

“But I just cannot say yes knowing that you would be constantly jealous or paranoid. This is not sexy flattering jealousy. This is proper nasty and unhealthy jealousy. It could eat our marriage to the bone! You’ll just be miserable and anxious in Africa wondering if I shag Fiennes in our bed…”

 

Matt pulled his tongue out at her: “I know you would have the decency of going over to his place or getting a hotel room…”

 

Alex didn’t seem to appreciate his joke as her eyes fired him a poisonous glare: “I will slap you so hard you’ll fall off the window!”

 

“I am just teasing…”

 

“Please don’t. It’s not even remotely funny. I actually feel very offended, Matt… Very, very offended and I am pissed off with you for even suggesting that I could ever be capable of adultery. After everything I’ve been through? Really?” Alex asked with sad eyes.

 

Matt sighed and lowered his eyes. “I couldn’t bear losing you… I didn’t mean to say that, it was a slip of the tongue.”

 

“I would never do it Matt…” Alex said almost breaking into tears again.

 

He nodded. “I believe you… that’s why I am telling you to seize this opportunity. I will not die of jealousy in Africa, I promise.”

 

Alex shook her head deciding to postpone the jealousy debate for some more decent hours. She had to sleep and to take the best decision regarding the role while properly rested. She’ll have another conversation with Matt in the morning and see what happens then. They'll both sleep on it and decide over breakfast. 

 

“I actually forgot to tell you the best bit about today. We’ve been so busy talking about Victoria’s lover… that’s my character’s name, fyi as Salome would say, that I didn’t even mention her husband…”

 

“Since it cannot get worse than Ralph Fiennes I suppose it can only get better.” Matt laughed.

 

“You are horrible and incorrigible!” Alex accused frowning at him. She really had to go to bed before it was too late for Matt’s jaw. She was exploding with contradictory emotions and she still felt quite hurt for what he said, although to some extent she wanted to understand him.

 

“Love you!” Matt smirked, but behind that brave attitude hid his own hell of emotions. He wanted to suppress his jealousy and to a great extent he did. But he ultimately could not deny that he felt the urge of locking her as far away as possible from a world in which Ralph Fiennes existed.  

 

“You’re so sleeping on the couch…” Alex rolled her eyes.

 

“So who’s your husband?” He laughed.

 

“You are my husband!”

 

Matt laughed even harder shaking his head at her sassiness: “Victoria’s husband, I mean.”

 

“Well learn the difference! I am myself! I am not an immoral Victorian matriarch who’s going to end up murdered by her cuckold husband. Ok?”

 

“Yes ma’am!” Matt saluted. 

 

“I hate you so much!” Alex declared stomping one foot.

 

“No you don’t! Please tell me… I am so curious.”

 

“Alan Rickman…”

 

“No… NOOOOO!” Matt threw himself on her armchair and started laughing with tears. “You must be kidding me!!! The jokes that can be made out of this whole situation.”

 

“You’re such a child! This is a drama, a very deep film. Ok? It has a completely different target audience!”

 

“PLEASE! Everyone will want to watch the film to see how Voldemort steals Snape’s wife!”

 

“I am so done with you and so going to bed!” Alex said rolling her eyes.

 

“It’s hilarious! Did you tell Salome?”

 

“Not yet… and you won’t either!”

 

Matt pulled his phone out of his pocket still laughing.

 

“It’s a secret, Matt! Don’t tell her… I am not even sure I will take it.”

 

“I knooooow it’s a secret and yes you will take it… but Salome and Myra just have to know! And Anita! She is our favourite Death Eater.”

 

Alex watched him still shaking her head and rolling her eyes. “You make me so mad! You’re such a retard! How on earth did I fall in love with you?”

 

“Now you’re the one sleeping on the couch, fyi!” Matt continued laughing wile Alex left the room mumbling how much she hated him.


	40. The Vanessa Effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for still being here. I know it's been a long time, but these past months have been absolutely hectic for me and I did not have the energy to focus on this story. As you well know, it is always twisted and angsty. Whenever I write for it, I need to pay a lot of attention to continuity. I sometimes make minor changes in the initial ideas of a chapter, but overall I have a well outlined plan which I followed from the very beginning and which I will not abandon. 
> 
> I hope you are glad to see an update and I hope you missed this story which often annoys you. Haha. Now, let me refresh your memories: 
> 
> Previously on 'That's the Devil Whispering..."  
> \- Dianne died in a car accident before being able to stop Alex's wedding.  
> \- After losing Dianne, Ralph moved from L.A. to London with his daughter and gave up his thoughts of getting Alex back.  
> \- Matt and Alex got married on April 11th, 2015 (Chapter 35).  
> \- Chapter 36 takes place two years later and we learn that things are not going well for the Kingston-Smiths. Alex was pushed into a big baby fever by Karen having twins. Being convinced that she acted in Matt's best interest, Alex tried to force her husband to have a child from a surrogate; this sparked the couple's many conflicts.  
> \- At the Britannia Awards 2017, Alex meets Ralph again after more than two years; Ralph's desire of stealing Alex from her husband is thus reborn.  
> \- Seeing Alex talking to Ralph prompts Matt to take matters into his hands and save his marriage; they leave for a second honeymoon; the month spent in paradise seems to have solved all the couple's problems; Alex assured Matt that she gave up the idea of them getting a child.  
> \- Beginning of 2018, back in London: Matt starts shooting a new film, which will eventually take him to Africa for a while.  
> \- Alex receives an interesting project of her own - a high budget production called Victorian Vices; the down part is that the main male character is played by Ralph Fiennes.  
> \- After some deliberations, both Alex and Matt believe that it is all just an unfortunate coincidence.  
> \- However, we subtly learn in Chapter 39 that the script of 'Victorian Vices' was written by Dianne Nightingale. 
> 
> What would Sherlock say about coincidences? The Universe is seldom that lazy...  
> Enjoy! (Kind of.)

Monday, February 19th, 2018 – London

 

She checked the time and rolled her eyes. She was so terribly late! As soon as she exited the cab, Alex almost ran towards the conference room of the studios. First day of the read through for _Victorian Vices_ and this was the impression she was making! Just great, Alex! Splendid!

 

When she reached the third floor and saw that the door of the conference room was opened, she frowned. Alex entered reluctantly just to see that, despite Ralph and some junior crew members, no one else had arrived yet. Oh well, she thought, at least she was saved from an embarrassing moment.

 

Ralph was with his nose in the script, paying no attention to what was happening around him. Alex raised her eyebrows knowing – oh too well – that he was annoyed. She made her way to her assigned chair, which unsurprisingly was the one next to him. She leaned forward and placed the Costa coffee cup – otherwise the reason for which she was late – next to her nicely printed copy of the script.

 

“Well, you are early.” She teased.

 

Ralph raised his eyes from the script and looked at her above his reading glasses: “I am not early. Everyone else is late! And there is nothing more annoying than people being late!”

 

Alex chuckled, removed her coat and pulled her chair: “Oh, yes. I have vague memories of you being utterly preposterous when people happened to be even slightly late.”

 

“That’s because for you slightly late meant at least half an hour!” He checked the time. “Fifteen minutes. Well, I suppose you are early by your standards.”

 

She laughed and sipped from her coffee: “Cannot say I missed greeting my mornings with your insufferable moods. And for your record, ER cured me of my unflattering lack of punctuality. This time only the terribly clumsy Costa barista is to blame for my 15 minutes.” 

 

Ralph laughed: “I am sure the world is a better place now that you _cured your unflattering lack of punctuality_.”

 

“Oh, shut up!” Alex rolled her eyes. Just as she did that she heard voices and steps approaching the conference room. Ralph turned his full attention towards the door just to spot the director, producer and their fellow co-star walking in laughing.

 

“Here they are at last!” He said standing up. Alex shook her head in the same time disapproving and being amused by Ralph’s annoyance.

 

“Severus!” Ralph said with a dry smirk which made his lips look thin and dangerous. Alex’s eyes followed his and she smiled largely when she saw Alan Rickman’s face becoming all grave and void of emotions:

 

“My Lord.” He responded and slowly walked towards the pair of them. Ralph was the first to break the character and offered Alan a large smile. Alan shook his head fondly and extended his hand towards Ralph. The two men shook hands and exchange a couple of pleasantries.

 

“How rude of me!” Ralph exclaimed. “Alan, allow me to introduce you to my former and your on-screen wife, Alex Kingston.”

 

Alan laughed at Ralph’s remark and Alex let out a sound of annoyance before laughing as well. She extended her hand to Alan, who took it and pressed a small kiss on her knuckles:

 

“Very nice to meet you, Ms. Kingston. I am sure we will have a very good time working together.”

 

“Likewise, Mr. Rickman. I am totally looking forward to it.”

 

“Please, call me Alan.”

 

“Alex…”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Friday, March 2nd, 2018 – London

 

By the beginning of the following week, they were already on the set and filming. Matt had departed for Africa during the weekend, so Alex actually welcomed the busy schedule she threw herself into. For the first four days of filming she didn’t have to worry about seeing Ralph as they were not working on any common scenes. However, her luck ended the very same Friday, when they had to shoot the dinner scene of their first encounter.

 

Alex, Alan, Ralph and the other junior actors who were appearing in the scene spent their morning rehearsing Victorian manners and the dinner etiquette. After lunch and another session of hair and make-up, the camera started rolling. Alex was pleasantly surprised of how easy it was to work with Ralph. He was a phenomenal actor and he kept well focused throughout the entire day. He was polite with everyone, including herself. Alex could honestly say that their professional relationship had a more than decent start.

 

“And CUT! Great work everyone. This was it for today!” The director announced them.

 

Alex smiled and stood up from the pompous table. Alan approached her immediately and complimented her on her qualities as a hostess. Alex laughed and thanked him for being such a supportive husband. He replied something in his unmistakable low voice, but Alex could not catch the words as they were covered by a high pitched screech.  

 

“Daaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddy!”

 

Alex and Alan turned automatically in the direction of the commotion. A blonde and extremely curly girl dressed in a pink tutu was running towards the table while jumping over cables and props.

 

“Careful, careful…” Ralph, who was just preparing to leave his spot, prompted her.

 

Giggling and bouncing up and down, the girl threw herself in Ralph’s opened arms. She tangled her little limbs around his neck and started kissing his cheeks repeatedly. Ralph laughed and snuggled the child at his chest. He sat back on his chair while still holding the girl who started chatting with him enthusiastically. Suddenly, Alex found it impossible to look take her eyes away from the scene. Alan smiled and excused himself before leaving for his trailer. Instead of doing the same, Alex made her way towards Ralph and his daughter.

 

“Oh, hello…” She smiled looking at the beautiful child.

 

“Hello!” The girl responded and waved her little hand at Alex.     

 

“Alexandra, this is my daughter, Vanessa. Vanessa, this is daddy’s friend, Alexandra. You have to shake her hand, darling.” Ralph said while still holding the girl on his lap.

 

Vanessa offered her hand to Alex immediately. “I do know you!!!” She exclaimed fluttering her small eyelashes.

 

“Do you?” Alex answered with a raised eyebrow, while shaking Vanessa’s hand. The child nodded and slowly slid down Ralph’s lap. Alex wondered whether Vanessa was telling the truth. Could she actually remember her? They did meet for a short while in that supermarket, on Halloween, but that’s been roughly four years before. Vanessa must have been only four, definitely not older than five. How was it possible for her to remember such a fugitive encounter?

 

“Yes, I know you. I know you!” Vanessa repeated while reaching for Alex’s Victorian gown. “Your dress is so pretty!” She said softly caressing the material of the skirt. “Your dress is so big and fluffy! How can it be so big and fluffy?”

 

Alex chuckled: “It has something like a support underneath to make it this fluffy. It’s called crinoline. Do you want to see it?”

 

Vanessa nodded, and Alex slowly lifted the top of her skirt in order to reveal the petticoat and the crinoline.

 

“Wooooooooooooooooow!!! How can you walk with that? It’s like a cage!” Vanessa frowned.

 

Alex laughed even harder: “I practiced in the mirror.”

 

She could tell already that she liked Vanessa. The child’s big green eyes spoke volumes; she was smart, sharp-sighted, the type of child always prepared to throw in witty remarks. She also appeared to be quite cunning and a bit of an emotional blackmailer. Nonetheless well raised, but having that aura of charming troublemaker. Oh, and those beautiful golden curls…

 

“How do you know Alexandra, Vanessa darling?” Ralph asked disturbing Alex’s trail of thoughts.

 

With a quick move, Vanessa turned around to look at her father. She giggled mischievously: “I won’t tell!”

 

Ralph rolled his eyes: “Vanessa…”

 

“Nuppy-nop… I won’t tell!” She teased.

 

“Vanessa…” Ralph said on a threatening tone. The child covered her mouth with her small hands and started giggling even louder.

 

“Spill it.” Ralph narrowed his eyes and started tapping the table with his fingers. Alex looked at them a little too amused to see that Ralph has found his match in a curly blonde devil.  

 

“But daddy…” Vanessa meowed looking at him. “First I have to ask you something.”

 

“What is it now?” He rolled his eyes.

 

“Do you remember how you often say that a child cannot be grounded twice for the same misbehaviour?” She fluttered her eyelashes and grinned largely while playing with her pink tutu.

 

“Oh dear, what did you do?!”

 

“But do you remember, daddy?”

 

“What did you do?” Ralph rolled his eyes.

 

“But do you remember, daddy?” Vanessa insisted.

 

“Vanessa…” Ralph hissed. Alex crossed her arms, attempting to hide her amusement at how the little devil was joggling with her father. Oh, she definitely loved Vanessa!  

 

“Daddy…” Vanessa imitated him. Alex was curious to see who would give in first.

 

“Vanessa, please do explain where you know Alexandra from. Did you see her on TV? You can tell me, it’s not a big deal, darling. We are just curious.” Ralph tried to outsmart the child in their argument. Vanessa did not buy it. On the contrary, she rolled her eyes and, imitating perfectly Ralph’s mannerisms, she said: 

 

“Daddy, what are we doing here? I asked a question first. Are you going to answer it or not? Do you or don’t you remember that you simply cannot ground me again because I’ve already been grounded for this?”

 

“Alright, alright. I do remember. I promise that you are safe.”

 

Alex smiled. Deep down she felt bad for siding with the child. Whom was she kidding? She didn’t feel bad at all! She chuckled looking at how Vanessa fluttered her eyelashes victoriously. Oh, she resembled Ralph in his behaviour so much – not that monster-Ralph Alex rightly accused of ruining her life, but the Ralph Alex had known and loved for 13 years of her life. Before being able to stop herself, Alex found her mind suddenly wondering how a child of hers and Ralph would have behaved. Would the said child be more like her in its behaviour, or more like him? Would the said child roll its eyes and flutter its eyelashes in a Ralph-manner or would it do as Salome does when she copied her mother?

 

Before Alex got the chance to feel guilty for even allowing those thoughts to flood her mind, Vanessa proceeded in explaining why she knew her father’s friend:

 

“So daddy, do you know when we were playing hide and seek? Do you remember when I hid so well you that you could not find me for many, many, many, many hours and you freaked out so much?”

 

“Yes…”

 

“Well, it happened that day. And daddy… do you know how I am not allowed to go in the attic because it’s full of furniture from granny’s house that is very old and very dangerous and can fall on me?”

 

“Vanessa!!!” Ralph narrowed his eyes and Alex had to suppress her giggles.

 

“Well, I was hiding in the attic and I came downstairs only when I got bored. And daddy, do you remember how in the attic there is this little dark wooden chest which is locked?”

 

Ralph’s eyes became wide: “It’s locked…”

 

“Yes, it is. But do you remember how you keep the key for that chest in the upper drawer of your desk in the study room? In the back of the drawer underneath a pile of envelopes?”

 

“Vanessa Fiennes you did not!!! You, young lady, are in so much trouble!!!”

 

“No, no! I am not. You said I was safe. This all happened when I was hiding because we were playing hide and seek!!! I already spent a week without my Barbie dolls for that. You cannot ground me again!!! These are the rules – _your_ rules!”

 

Ralph blinked twice trying to calm down. Alex decided it would be good for her to step in and save the child from her father’s imminent rage: “Sweetheart, why do you say that you know me because of that hide and seek game?”

 

"It does not matter..." Ralph hissed, but Vanessa spoke in the same time: 

 

“Because the chest is full of pictures with you and daddy. You are wearing a pretty long dress and a bunch of sunflowers throughout a whole album. Your hair is very long and crazier than mine!” Vanessa described while using her hands to show how crazy Alex’s hair was in those pictures. Alex’s smile froze and she looked at Ralph.

 

Ralph sighed and covered his eyes with a hand: “After my mother died all those years ago, I brought a bunch of her favourite furniture at my place. It obviously didn’t fit my style, so I kind of arranged a very improvised room in the attic. You know how highly my mother thought of you. She really loved you. So she kept all the albums with our pictures in that wooden chest. Including the wedding album, Vanessa mentioned. Most of the jewelry I offered you, and you never wanted to take after the divorce, got locked in the chest as well. I lost track of it. In all honesty I had no idea where the key was, apparently the little minx snitched it!”

 

“Oh, I see…” Alex whispered. 

 

“Vanessa, what you did was very bad and it has nothing to do with that hide and seek game. But because I promised you, and daddy _always_ keeps his word, you won’t be grounded or anything. But so that you know, daddy is not impressed at all by your behaviour. On the contrary, I am very upset and very disappointed. Now, excuse me. I will go change in normal cloths and we will go home.” Ralph said on a grave voice and stood up from his chair.

 

“No! Please daddy, no! Don’t be upset with Vanessa. Pleaseeee…” The child begged him grabbing his hand.

 

Ralph slowly removed his hand from the girl’s grip and walked away from the table.

 

“Daddy, daddy!!!” Vanessa started following him with tearful eyes. “I was just playing, please forgive me.”

 

“We will discuss this at home. I would tell you to go sit on a chair and stop creating a commotion around until daddy finishes changing into normal clothes, but I know you’ll disobey me anyway… so…”

 

“No! No!” Vanessa ran back to the table and climbed on the chair Ralph had used. “I promise to you I will be the best child in the world. Please, don’t be upset with me!” She begged him with big puppy dog eyes. “I won’t say a word! I won’t move. I promise! I do!”

 

“We’ll see…” He said and continued to walk away.

 

Alex looked at Vanessa who was biting her lips feeling very guilty for what she’s done. She sighed and went to sit down next to the girl:

 

“Your father will feel better later, do not worry. But you should indeed apologize for what you did. It’s not nice to do things just in spite of what your father tells you, you know this right?”

 

Vanessa nodded: “But it was locked… I just wanted to open it. I really, really wanted to open it. It was locked!” She defended herself while two big tear rolled down her red cheeks. Alex almost smiled: oh, children! Tell them they cannot do something and they won’t stop until they do it. Lock something under their noses and they will find a way to unlock it.

 

“I cannot speak, Alexandra… I promised daddy not to say a word.”

 

“Oh, no worries, I understand.” Alex nodded and stood up to leave.

 

“Where are you going?” Vanessa inquired half panicking.

 

“Well, to the changing room to take off my gown and get dressed to go home.”

 

“Don’t leave me alone…” The child begged. Alex looked around, there were still people on set – she was not alone. Not to mention that the nanny she came with was standing next to a wall, carefully watching over the girl.

 

“Please stay with me… I like you…” Vanessa whispered with big tears still falling down her cheeks. As on command, Alex sat down and moved her hand to wipe those crocodile tears. Vanessa smiled and put a finger on her lips, letting Alex know that she would be completely quiet until her father returned. Alex imitated the child’s gesture and nodded.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sunday, March 11th, 2018 – London

 

“Do you really want to fight with me, over the phone, on my birthday?” Alex rolled her eyes.

 

_“How is this my fault? Honestly? How is this my fault?”_ Matt hissed angrily.

 

“It is your fault because you behave like an utter prick. You said…”

 

_“I am acting like an utter prick?”_

 

“You said…”

 

_“Seriously, Alex?”_

 

“Listen to me! You said you wouldn’t die of jealousy in Africa! You promised me! Why on Earth are you acting like this now? I didn’t do anything to deserve this behaviour! You are offending me! You are hurting me with your attitude! And honestly I do not deserve it, Matt…”

 

_“I cannot believe you invited him to our house! OUR house!”_

 

“Matthew! It’s my birthday! My husband is away in Africa and my daughter, my sister and her family, and my closest friends – aka all the people I would have wanted around me on this day – are in the US! Do you want me to spend my day alone??? I went and visited my parents in the morning and we had a very nice lunch together… but what more can I do there??? I did not invite him to _our_ house to spite you, or to hell knows what! I invited my co-stars for dinner! Why do you make it sound as if we are going to be alone, for fuck’s sake??? Alan and his wife will be here as well!”

 

_“Grand, it will be a double date.”_

 

“How… how dare you?” Alex cried. “You know what, call me tomorrow.”

 

_“Don’t hung up on me…”_

 

“I need to finish the food before my guests arrive. And I need to shower. Good bye. Take care.”

 

_“Don’t…”_

 

She hung up before he was able to say anything else. Alex slid down the counter until she fell on her knees on the floor. She cupped her face in her palms and started sobbing. She was turning 55, slowly slipping on the wrong side of the 50s, and he was not there with her. It was the first time since 2010 when he was not with her for on March 11th. During the wonderful Who years, one way or another, she’s always been in London, if not Cardiff for her birthday. Now he was away. And not only that he was away, but he actually had the nerve to believe she wanted to be with someone else for her birthday. How dared he? The tears were cascading down her face while her spasms intensified.

 

Alex needed some good 20 minutes before she was able to pull herself together and stand up. All of a sudden she regretted inviting her co-stars for dinner… she definitely just wanted to crawl in bed and cry herself to sleep while hugging her frustrating husband’s pillow. She grabbed her phone and called Alan, and then Ralph, in order to tell them that her mother felt unwell and she was unfortunately forced to cancel the dinner. Both men were very understanding and asked Alex to give their regards to her mother. Alex assured them that her mother would be fine, just a sudden drop in blood sugar, but that she needed to be kept under supervision overnight. It wasn’t a too far-fetched lie, as her mother indeed pulled that show on her daughters a couple of times in the past year.

 

With her dinner cancelled, Alex turned off her phone and spent the rest of her birthday either crying or recovering from crying.  

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Friday, April 6th, 2018 – London

 

Another month of filming passed both for her and Matt. He was scheduled to return from Africa in the beginning of May, and she was meant to finish shooting in the beginning of June. Then they would fly to L.A. and spend some time together in their sunnier home. Enough of enjoying the “countryside” life in the London suburbs. She always claimed she loved their London house more than their L.A. one, but not anymore… Alright, she still loved their London house more, but the fact that Matt was not there with her made it feel otherwise… Alex sighed. They were having fights again. What was wrong with them and their marriage?

 

The day after her birthday, Matt called to apologize for his outburst; she assured him it was alright, but was it really? Alex could feel that Matt was not fully sincere in his promises that he was not jealous and that he trusted her. He was trying hard to convince himself that he really meant his words…   

 

The past week and a half has been very calm though. Salome came to celebrate her birthday with her mother. To Alex’s delight, her daughter brought Myra as well. Matt called every day, and they even skyped more than usually. Everything was fun and games – absolutely no trace of tension. It was as if Matt felt more secure and more relaxed knowing that the girls were in London with Alex. She could do nothing more than hope that the calm situation was going to continue even now that the girls returned to L.A.

 

With these thoughts in mind, Alex left her trailer and remembered she had to have a word with the director before leaving for the weekend. She walked towards the set where Ralph and Alan were shooting their last scene for the week, but as soon as she arrived there she realized that not everything was going according to the plan.

 

“Oh, please! You cannot be serious! I cannot stay any longer!” Ralph complained.  

 

“Fiennes, we have to get this scene done before the weekend! We all need a weekend to relax, I am completely aware that none of you had a Saturday off in three weeks. You won’t want to come here tomorrow, so we need to get this right tonight. I apologize for the inconveniences. I know that it was not your or Alan’s fault. But we could not start before putting all the technical details in place.”

 

“I understand this. I know well how it works. I’ve been in this industry for plenty of years now. All I am saying is that we can do this on Monday! You promised we’ll finish today by 4 p.m.! _You_ promised it, it wasn’t me! I expect you to keep your word! As you said, we didn’t have a proper weekend in weeks! In case you did not notice, my daughter spent her Friday afternoons and her Saturdays sitting on one chair or another around the set just to be with me. I promised her that I would pick her from ballet this Friday, which I didn’t do in ages, and that we will go to cinema together. You think I can call Vanessa now and tell her she will have to spend her Friday with her nanny?”

 

“Ralph, honestly… I understand that this is not ideal… and again, I do apologize for any inconveniences, but you cannot leave now! We need to finish this now. We have other things to do on Monday, there is no way in which we will postpone this scene for Monday.” The director insisted.

 

“Listen to me, I think you don’t understand!” Ralph hiss on what Alex knew well as being his dangerous voice. “I made plans with my daughter! She is excited about these plans and I have absolutely no intention to go home to a heart broken child at 10 p.m. because the technical details took literally hours!!!”

 

“I’ll take Vanessa to the cinema…” Alex said before realizing it. Ralph and the director turned in her direction.

 

“What?” Ralph frowned.

 

“I finished for the week. I can pick Vanessa from ballet and we can go to cinema together. You don’t have to cancel anything, and then you can spend the Saturday and Sunday with her.”

 

Ralph looked at Alex reluctantly. In the back of his mind he could hear Dianne’s voice pushing him to accept Alex’s offer. _‘It’s the Vanessa effect. It’s how it’s meant to be.’ -_ the blonde urged him from the depth of his thoughts.  

 

“Ralph, I promise you Vanessa won’t be upset. On the contrary, she will be happier to see me than you. You know we are totally best friends after spending so many Saturdays in hair and make-up together.” She laughed.  

 

Ralph smiled. Indeed, during the past month, whenever Vanessa was on set, Alex spent all her breaks with the little devil. Ralph used to think of those moments as ‘quality mommy-daughter time’:

 

“Alright, you pick her from ballet.”

 

“Grand.” She then turned towards the director: “Can I have a word with you before I go?”

 

“Sure, my dear.” The director nodded.

 

“Ah… and Ralph, where are the tickets and the car keys?”

 

“Excuse me?” Ralph frowned.

 

“Where are the cinema tickets and the car keys?” Alex repeated rolling her eyes.

 

“What car keys? My car’s keys?” He choked.

 

“Ahams. I came by taxi today, so I will need your car.”

 

“Oh no! Hell no!!!” Ralph laughed shaking his head vehemently.  

 

Alex raised an eyebrow at him, then she smirked evilly: “Ralph…”

 

“No!!! Are you insane??? You are not touching my car! You aren’t getting anywhere near my car!!!”

 

“I will be careful!” She rolled her eyes in annoyance.

 

“Sure!!! Didn’t I hear that before!?!?!”

 

She growled in frustration: “How many times do I have to say it??? It wasn’t my fault.”

 

Ralph frowned and waved a hand at her to let her know he was not buying her words. “Sure, sure. It wasn’t your fault! It was the fault of the car in front of you, which was not even moving!!!”

 

“Not that time. The other time. The other time wasn’t my fault.” She excused herself.

 

“Of course, because my car simply parked itself in the lamp post!”

 

“There was frost on the street… Oh, just give me the keys! It’s been years and I got better. I promise!”

 

Ralph shook his head: “Just get a taxi!”

 

“Definitely not. You take a taxi!”

 

“I just bought the car, you are not touching it. I am not even joking, Alexandra!”

 

“So where are the keys?” She laughed.  

 

“No…”

 

Alex crossed her arms and gave him a look that made the director and Alan cringe. Ralph sighed: “In my trailer, in the jacket. And the tickets are in the car, in between the front seats.”

 

“Good boy.” She winked and turned around to leave, but then she remembered the director: “Oh… can we have that word?” The director nodded and Alex politely greeted everyone on set before walking away with him.  

 

“Alexandra, be careful!” Ralph rolled his eyes.

 

“I said I will.” She responded without turning towards him.

 

“Be very careful please!!! Don't drive next to any walls and park on two spaces if necessary…”

 

“Oh, shut up.” She hissed disappearing from sight. 

 

Alan started laughing and placed a hand on Ralph’s shoulder, patting him sympathetically: “Interesting how you had no issues to leave your daughter in Alex’s care, but your car on the other hand…”

 

Ralph laughed as well: “Oh, Alexandra loves children more than anything and she is a very responsible parent. There is no need to be worried about Vanessa. But the woman is perfectly capable of crashing my car on purpose. Trust me… I speak from experience.”

 

“It’s really nice to see that you two are on very good terms and that there are no hard feelings left. It will make things much easier in two weeks. I was slightly worried, in all honesty.” Alan admitted.

 

“What’s in two weeks?” Ralph frowned.

 

“Aren’t you two shooting the sex scene then?”   


	41. Meanwhile, simmering in Africa...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweeties!  
> Happy Easter to all of you celebrating this holiday and a very happy Sunday to everyone else! 
> 
> As promised, this time it didn't take forever for me to update. I am looking forward to reading your comments. They always make my day! Enjoy (kind of!)

Sunday, February 25th, 2018 – Johannesburg

 

Matt was in his hotel room, laying on his belly on the floor and browsing the internet. He was unable to find a comfortable position or spot in that bloody hotel room and he was getting increasingly anxious at the mere thought of being there. He had a bad feeling – a terribly, terribly bad feeling – and he could not get rid of it! He’s promised her that everything was going to be alright! He’s promised her that he was not about to go mental and die of jealousy in Africa. But now that he was there alone, without her, he was not sure if his promises were of any value. Deep down he could not trust her.

 

_Alex Kingston in tears at Heathrow while kissing husband goodbye._

Several paparazzi pictures taken the previous day depicted Alex crying in his arms at the airport. Her curls were all over the place and she looked so adorably miserable while clinging desperately to him. Matt smiled and moved his fingers to his laptop’s screen in order to caress the zoomed in image of his wife’s unhappy face. Her lower lip was sticking out and she had a perfectly round teardrop on her left eye’s eyelashes.

 

“Myra’s puppy face is nowhere near as impressive as yours.” Mat whispered to the screen. “Honest to God, where did I find the power to turn around and get into that bloody plane when you looked at me with those big sad eyes?”

 

Matt sighed heavily and, without realizing, he started reading the tabloid article. _Blah, blah, ex-Doctor Who actor Matt Smith and his much older on- and off-screen wife –_ go fuck yourselves, arseholes! Matt whispered through clenched teeth at the eternal age gap remark _– share a heart-warming moment minutes before they have to separate due to work commitments. Kingston is in tears while Smith maintains a composed smile, most probably trying to comfort and reassure his wife that the separation would not affect their marriage. Rumours according to which the couple has difficulties have circulated in the past half a year, especially following the Britannia Awards after party in L.A. last November._ – Of course they would throw in pictures from the party, Matt growled shaking his head in disapproval – _The couple spent most of the night sitting alone at their table, making little to no conversation, before Smith abandoned his wife in order to dance and have fun with his beautiful P &P&Z co-stars Lily James, Bella Heathcote, Millie Brady, and Hermione Corfield. In response, Kingston spent the remaining of her time at the party in the company of her former husband Ralph Fiennes. The two actors, who are currently beginning to shoot their first common production, chatted animatedly and parted with a more or less innocent hug. _– Matt exhaled desperately looking at the picture with Ralph’s arms around Alex – _Immediately after the Britannia Awards, Smith cancelled all his work commitments in order to take his wife in a month long vacation. Sources close to the couple confirmed that this second honeymoon had everything to do with working on damage control. Following their return from their exotic vacation, most rumours have evaporated into thin air as the couple was spotted multiple times in London being very affectionate. We indeed hope this to be true, because despite all controversies, one has to admit that Matt Smith is an accessory that looks good on Alex Kingston._

 

Matt rolled his eyes in annoyance. Why was he even reading such articles? Why was he even allowing the words of some strangers with bad intentions to go to his heart and affect him? He shook his head and decided to get some tea in order to relax. He stood up and prepared to turn off his laptop, when the Skype started ringing.

 

 _Karen Sheila Gillan-Darvill_ – the screen read and Nebula’s moon face flashed at him. Matt smiled and sat back on the floor. Crossing his legs, he leaned towards the screen to press the video button:

 

“Mrs. Darvill! What a wonderful surprise! So happy to see a friendly face, even if that face is yours.” He teased with a genuine smile.

 

 _“Hello, dear. How are you?”_ Karen smiled – or attempted to smile, as Matt noticed. He frowned since something was very obviously not alright. Did he just make a joke about her face and she called him ‘dear’ in response, completely ignoring the friendly insult?

 

“Kazza!!! Is everything ok?!? How are the twins? Arthur? Is he alright? Are you two having issues?” 

 

_“Oh, yes! Yes, everyone is fine! Mad house and business as usual. Everything is fine. No need to worry about us. Are you fine, though?”_

 

“Oh, yes! Yes, I am fine.” Matt assured her waving a hand at the screen. “I am still in Johannesburg. We’re leaving on Thursday for two weeks or so in Mozambique, then we will go to our main shooting place in Zimbabwe. Should be cool.” He said lifting his shoulders as if not completely sure he meant his words.

 

 _“Are those places safe? I worry about you.”_ She admitted rolling her eyes.

 

“Since when?” Matt teased, but Karen’s killer look made him understand that she was in no mood for jokes. “I mean… thank you, Kaz. I do appreciate your concern, don’t get me wrong. I am safe, really. It’s not too bad. It will be very interesting. I am excited.” Matt replied with a fake smile.

 

 _“I’d smack your lying face if I could!”_ Karen hissed. _“Whom do you think you’re lying to? I didn’t meet you yesterday, moron! I know you! And you don’t look too excited to me. Are you happy to be there, Matt? Are you honestly excited and happy to be there? Because I am not happy at all that you’re there! I think it was stupid of you to leave Alex behind.”_ She admitted.

 

Matt rolled his eyes: “I didn’t leave her behind! And what exactly was I supposed to do? Tell me, Karen! What in the Lord’s name was I supposed to do?”

 

 _“Oh, don’t you listen to her!”_ Arthur commented upon entering the living room. He walked to the sofa and sat down next to his wife.

 

 _“Stay out of this, Darvill!”_ Karen hissed.

 

“Out of what? What’s going on?” Matt frowned.

 

_“What’s going on? Well, I just happen to want to put some sense into you before it’s too late. I don’t know, Matt… is this sensible? You being there for what? Three months? While your wife is back in London shooting with Ralph Fiennes?”_

 

Matt covered his face with his hands and growled in utter desperation: “What. Can. I. Do???”

 

 _“Just ditch the film and go home!”_ Karen suggested.

 

Both Matt and Arthur started laughing out loud: _“You are completely insane! Matt is half way through shooting that movie. There is no way he can abandon it. Don’t be unreasonable, Karen! Matt cannot financially afford being sued by the Warner Bros. And let’s not mention that a dick move like that would be suicidal for his career.”_

 

“Exactly. Arthur’s right! Plus, I don’t really have a pertinent reason for doing something like this. I mean, come on! It’s not that bad. It’s only ten weeks or so. I will be home in no time. I mean yes… yes, it will be hell and I will miss her and whatnot, but come on… we knew from the very beginning of our marriage that long distance was something we would have to adapt to due to our profession… so, yah. All good!” Matt nodded frantically, trying hard to reassure himself not Karen.

 

 _“Just don’t listen to Karen. You know what she’s like! She’s blowing everything out of proportions for no reason at all!”_ Arthur laughed. _“So, tell us about Johannesburg.”_

 

 _“Screw Johannesburg! Who cares about Johannesburg? I do have a reason!!! And despite you being very stubborn, deep down you know I am right!”_ Karen said looking at Arthur.

 

 _“FYI, no! No, you are far from right! Actually, I am certain that you are terribly wrong!_ ” Arthur said sharply pointing at her with his finger.  

 

“What are we talking about?” Matt asked frowning.

 

 _“Nooo… nooo!”_ Arthur shook his head. _“Honestly, Matt! It’s not important. Just Karen being Karen!”_

 

 _“Yes, it is important! It is very important!!!”_ Karen punctuated every word. _“Matt… look, ignore Arthur and listen to me. I am honestly sorry for uttering these words, but I love you and Alex so, so much! I cannot stay with my arms crossed awaiting for this ticking bomb to explode! Matt…”_

 

Karen sighed and looked at Arthur silently asking for his support. It was obvious from their interaction that they’ve had that conversation before and that they were not on the same page. Arthur looked at Karen and shook his head. She wasn’t about to get any support from him, because he was strongly disapproving of whatever Karen was about to say. Karen rolled her eyes and looked at Matt. She felt her heart breaking at how miserable her best friend looked:

 

_“Matt… I don’t even know how to phrase it… so I will just… just go for it. Matt… are you even at least a bit aware that…”_

 

Arthur sighed and covered his face with a hand awaiting for the words to leave Karen’s mouth:

 

_“… she’s going to cheat on you.”_

 

“Yes…” Matt whispered.

 

 _“What???”_ Arthur removed his hand from his face and glared at Matt. _“What did you just say?”_

 

“I know she is going to cheat on me. I am very, very aware of it.” Matt confessed on a clear voice.

 

 _“Then what the fuck are you doing in Africa, Smithers??? I thought you loved her! Why are you basically killing your marriage?”_ Karen shouted at the screen.

 

“AND WHAT CAN I DO, KAREN??? Lock her in a tower with no doors???” Matt shouted back.  

 

 _“Are you two for real???”_ Arthur asked unable to believe his ears. _“Matthew! I mean, we all know Karen is demented! But you? YOU cannot honestly believe this about Alex! Matthew, please tell me you did not mean it. Please tell me you don’t actually believe that Alex would ever cheat on you, or on anyone for that matter!”_

 

“I…” Matt sighed. “Arthur, I don’t want to believe it. Trust me! But… let’s face it. It’s a matter of time. My whole marriage is a matter of time. I’ve always known it. You’ve always known it. Everyone’s always known it! Alex loves me, I know she does. She loves me with her whole heart! But the facts stand… there are 20 years in between us that we cannot really bridge. Hell knows we’ve tried. But I will never be able to fix what’s happened to her in those 20-something years in which she was suffering and I was playing with my toys in the sand. I will never be her equal. I will always be a mere accessory which looks good on her.”

 

 _“Are you quoting tabloids, Matt?”_ Arthur raised an eyebrow.

 

 _“Tell her, Matt!!! Make her aware of your doubts!”_ Karen advised him.

 

 _“Seriously??? I swear to God that I often wonder if you have any brain underneath your ginger hair!!!”_ Arthur hissed. _“Yes, Matt, yes. Please do go and tell Alex that you think she will throw herself into her abusive ex-husband’s bed. I am sure she is going to feel flattered by your trust in her and your flawless reasoning!!!”_

 

“I am so jealous.” Matt confessed breathing heavily. “And it’s getting worse and worse with every passing minute! I feel how it’s running through my blood!!! I feel mad and anxious and sick! All I can think about is her in that bastard’s bed. Gloriously beautiful as she is, all white naked skin and giggles… ready to take him and allow another man to make her happy!” He covered his mouth with a hand. “I will throw up!”  

 

_“Matt! Don’t do that to yourself! There’s no point in you poisoning your soul with those thoughts! Honestly, just talk to her before your nightmares become reality!”_

 

 _“I am so done here!”_ Arthur stood up shaking his head angrily.

 

 _“Where are you going?”_ Karen frowned.

 

_“I will go take Amelia and Sheila out in the park! I have no intention to stay here and listen to you two talking bullshit about my daughter and acting like a pair of complete dickheads! Because that’s what you are!”_

 

“Arthur…” Matt said, but his friend would have none of it:

 

 _“No, no!!! You two have nothing to tell me on the subject! Alex is our friend!!! She is not an outsider for you to treat her as one! She’s part of the team and you should feel bad for talking about her in this way, especially behind her back! Especially when she is not here to defend herself! I cannot agree with this attitude and I will not tolerate it! Even the lowest of the low criminals get the presumption of innocence!!! But apparently not your wife! Not the godmother of your children. No! In your eyes that woman you two pretend to love sincerely is already a damned case!!! Despite the fact that she hasn’t done anything wrong! Shame on you two!”_ Arthur stormed out of the living room, leaving Matt and Karen looking at each other petrified through the laptop’s screen.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Monday, March 26th, 2018 – Matetsi

 

“Poppet!!!” Matt exclaimed with a large smile on his face.

 

 _“Matty!!! Oh, my, Gosh! You’re so tanned! I honestly cannot get over it! Every time we skype your tan is there like a middle finger in my face!!! I am terribly jealous! Look at me! I am so white!”_ Salome complained.

 

 _“You are not white! You live in California and you go to all those stupid salons! I, on the other hand, am indeed as white as milk!!! Honestly, it’s been raining for so many days I've lost track!”_ Alex laughed and sat on the sofa next to her daughter. She smiled at the screen and blew a kiss to her husband. _“Hello, sweetie!”_

 

“Hello, precious! And no worries about not being tanned. I am sure that being as fair as possible is in the job description of a Victorian lady.” Matt laughed and winked at Alex who rolled her eyes in amusement. “So how are you two, wonderful ladies, doing?”  

 

 _“Absolutely great! We just returned from the studios! It was really, really, really nice! I got wardrobe envy when I saw mom’s costumes! They are absolutely gorgeous!”_ Salome exclaimed with enthusiasm.

 

“Tell me about it!!! All those corsets and the sexy petticoats…” Salome raised a finger in order to stop him from giving ‘too much info’. Matt laughed and changed the subject: “Yah, never mind. When did you land? And what are you doing on your birthday?”

 

_“I landed yesterday around midnight. And... well, there are no special plans for my birthday yet. But we'll figure something out, right mommy?”_

 

“Oh, I am so happy that you are there with your mother! Alex was missing you terribly!!! Look at her face! Just look at her! She is beaming! Little shining star.” Matt giggled.  

 

Alex smiled and shook her head enthusiastically, causing her curls to bounce around. Matt let out a delighted ‘ooowww’. Salome rolled her eyes and threw her arms around her mother, very possessively: _“MINE! Stay out of this, Matty!”_ She joked causing everyone to laugh.

 

“Unfortunately, I am forced by professional circumstances to stay out of it! So, whether I like it or not, I will have to give you the ‘Kingston girls time’ you deserve. Speaking of which, where’s your sister?”

 

Salome laughed: _“Outside, in the garden. She’s probably playing with mom’s pitiful British plants.”_

 

 _“They’re flowers!”_ Alex protested.

 

 _“Yah, keep on telling that to yourself if it makes you feel better.”_ The girl teased.

 

“Call the little baby!!! Daddy wants to Skype with her!” Matt clapped happily.  

 

_“MYRA!!! MYYYYRAAAA!”_

 

 _“Don’t shout! Go and bring her in!”_ Alex replied, softly hitting her daughter’s shoulder. Salome rolled her eyes, but stood up and left the room.

 

Matt smiled: “You look so happy, my love.”

 

_“I am very happy… I missed Salome so much. I cannot believe she will be here for almost two weeks. Makes me want to explode of gratitude. Though… I wish you were here with us.”_

 

“I wish I was there too, my love. Trust me, there is nowhere else I’d rather be. But, we’re half way through! This is great!”

 

Alex nodded, but smiled very sadly. Matt shook his head: “Hey, why the sad face? No, no. I will have none of that. You just said you felt happy. I want you happy!!!”

 

_“I am, my darling. But I was just thinking that half way through is not through enough! We weren’t too good at handling this whole long distance. This first half of our period apart almost killed me, so I am dreading the second half. And I feel tired… so tired of not having you here. So tired of missing you! So tired of being scared to call you or to answer the phone… because it’s always a lottery whether we would have another quarrel or not…”_

 

“I am sorry, my love! I know that you are right. It’s just that… I am so exhausted, and I miss you and I just am generally edgy. I am really sorry for all the useless fighting we’re having! Trust me, after every argument I feel so guilty and heartbroken. And I know you feel the same… It’s just tiredness and sexual deprivation. Nothing else is wrong with us. We’re fine! Perfectly fine! Never allow your mind to think otherwise. And always, always, always remember that I love you with every cell of my body. I adore you! And if I react unreasonably every now and then, I do it out of love.”

 

 _“I know, baby… but it still hurts. I’ve told you before, I just have the feeling that you don’t trust me.”_ Alex said sticking her lower lip in the outside in that incredibly adorable puppy dog face of hers.

 

“Oh, my beauty! I am so sorry I make you feel like this… come on! Don’t give me that puppy look, or I will start making out with the laptop.” Matt licked his lips, causing her to stick her tongue out at him. “But honestly, Alex. I do trust you. why wouldn’t I?”

 

_“I don’t know… I am wondering the same. It’s just a feeling I have. You’re constantly jealous and you make me feel like I’m doing something so terribly wrong... when I know I am not...”_

 

“I will control myself better. I am not jealous! I promise. Why would I be? Jealousy is stupid. And I do trust you, my love! You are doing nothing wrong. I do trust you. Always have, always will!” 

 

Alex nodded and tried her best to believe him, but she could not shake off the feeling that he was not being sincere: _“I love you…”_

 

“I love you as well! I love you to Gallifrey and back! The long way round! Now, give me a perfect smile! I don’t want to see you sad or melancholic at all! Salsa and Myra are there! You three have fun!”

 

 _“Oh, we will!”_ Alex smiled brightly.

 

“Grand!!! And... hm, I was thinking... hm, baby… Alex…” He whispered.

 

 _“Yes?”_ She whispered back, a small smirk forming on her lips in anticipation.

 

“Do you feel like having a late night video chat after the girls go to bed?”

 

She licked her lips: _“Only if you do another striptease for me, on kinky African music!”_

 

Matt laughed but did not get the chance to throw in a filthy reply as he heard Salome returning: “MYRA!!!” Matt squealed from the laptop.

 

 _“Go say hello to your dad!”_ Salome laughed.  

 

The poor dog could not distinguish properly Matt’s voice. She looked confused around, trying to figure out where he was:  

 

“Here, girl! Myraaaaa!” Matt continued with the high pitch noises.  

 

Salome sat down on the sofa and patted the place next to her: _“Myra! Come here!”_ Alex moved to one side allowing the dog to climb on the sofa in between her and Salome.

 

Matt clapped his hands enthusiastically: “My ugly, ugly, ugly girl! Look at youuu how beautiful you areeeeee! I want to kiss your little black noseeee! Who is daddy’s precious?!?”

 

Alex rolled her eyes in annoyance: _“Mr. Smith, could you at least try to use different denominations for your wife and your dog? I’d rather like to believe that I am daddy’s precious!”_

 

Matt burst into hysterical laughter while Salome face-palmed herself: “MOM! WAY. TOO. MUCH. INFORMATION!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Monday, April 16th, 2018 – Matetsi          

 

They’ve been on the phone for more than half an hour already. They were not arguing, but Matt could feel that Alex was still very upset with him. They had two very calm weeks when Salome and Myra visited Alex in London. However, as soon as they left, Matt’s jealousy returned three times stronger. The fact that Alex’s sex scene with Ralph was approaching did not make matters easier at all. One bloody sex scene, and four separate kisses! He was going to get insane!!! And he did not fail to be snappy with her whenever his feelings got the best of him. On their wedding anniversary, on the 11th, instead of celebrating in any way they could, given the distance, they had an out of proportions argument. They’ve been shouting so badly at each other over Skype that Matt’s co-star, Gugu Mbatha-Raw – herself a Doctor Who alumna – came to knock on his door to see what the whole scandal was about. Matt assured her that everything was alright, but Gugu did not seem to buy it. The whole episode was incredibly embarrassing. Later that evening he went to Gugu to apologize for disturbing her evening and he ended up pouring his soul out to her, over one too many glasses of brandy.

 

Of course he’s discussed with Alex about their fight. Kind of discussed. Of course they’ve solved their issue. Kind of solved. Everything was alright. Kind of alright. Well, she was a bit grumpy, but despite that… alright.

 

“So… ah… I am currently trying something.” He said clearing his throat.

 

_"Trying something?”_

 

"I am actually negotiating with... well, everyone in a position to negotiate, to allow me to come home on Thursday and stay until Tuesday." Matt said biting his lip with concern. He was not sure how she was going to react to that.

 

 _"Really??? Are you serious??? Don’t joke with this…”_ She said holding her breath, scared to hope that he was speaking the truth.

 

"Yes, of course I am not joking with this! I mean… I thought that… well, since our anniversary blew to pieces, we can at least celebrate April 22nd. That’s still a sort of our wedding anniversary, isn’t it?”

 

 _“It most certainly is… wow… seven years since I tried to kill you. How time flies!”_ She giggled.

 

“Well, I have no idea what you’re talking about! I don’t know about you, but for me, these past two months flew with the speed of a deceased snail!”

 

 _“Well, even if you cannot come this weekend, we’re almost there! We have only a bit more than three weeks to go. The 8 th of May is circled with multiple hearts in my calendar! VE Day indeed!”_ Alex smiled.

 

“I know it’s not that long left. But I miss you and, honestly, I really feel like I should come and be with you at whatever fancy manor you’re filming this weekend. I really don't want to let you alone." He confessed unable to help himself.

 

 _"Oh, Matt! Thank you so much, my love! This is so thoughtful!"_ Alex said with her heart beating ten times faster. The sweet, sweet Matt not wanting to leave her alone.

 

"Oh, wow! What a laid back reaction. That’s a first.” Matt laughed.

 

 _"What do you mean? Oh…"_ She stopped and frowned. _"Wait a second!!! Why are you coming exactly???"_

 

"What do you mean why am I coming exactly? I just said it. There’s the anniversary of River and the Doctor, and I don't want to have you alone with that guy filming naked or nearly naked." He rolled his eyes.

 

Alex turned three shades paler: _"Pardon. Come again?"_

 

"Come again what, Alex? I cannot stay here! I just cannot! I will go insane, knowing that you are spending your weekend in bed with Fiennes, at some godforsaken posh manor!!! And you won't even have Alan with you, to use as your usual alibi... Anything can happen and it's prone to happen."

 

_"Oh, wow! I am such a fucking idiot!"_

 

"What? Why?”

 

 _"Why? Because here I was, stupid and naïve, actually believing that my husband is desperately trying to get a few days off, in order to be with me when shooting a highly emotional and intense scene opposite to a person who's had such a devastating impact on my life!!!"_ Progressively, as she spoke the words and the tears found their way down her cheeks, Alex started shouting on the phone. _"But no! NO! Of course you would not care about me! About what I might be feeling! About how terrified I am of this bloody weekend ahead of me! Of course not!!! You.. YOU... you selfish bastard!!! You arsehole!!!"_

 

"What just happened??? Why did you turn hysterical now?" Matt rolled his eyes.

 

_"Are you serious?!?!? What is wrong with you??? Do you actually think I should keep my temper when you humiliate me like this?!?! Do you have any idea how humiliating this is??? What have I done to deserve this??? Don't you dare to come, Matthew! Don't you dare!"_

 

"Oh, really???" Matt said through clench teeth.

 

_"Just say it. Just say the words. I need to hear them!"_

 

"I love you." He rolled his eyes.

 

Alex laughed hysterically. Or cried hysterically? She couldn't really tell: _"Not those words, Matt. The other ones! The ones you kept on lying about in the past months. The real reason you so desperately want to keep an eye on me."_

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He shook his head.

 

_"Oh, I think you do. Just say it! I need to hear it. I need to hear you saying it."_

 

"What do you want to hear, Alex? That I don't trust you? That I think you’re going to sleep with him this weekend? Well, here you go. I’ve said it! I think that you are going to cheat on me, I’ve always thought it. And I simply cannot trust you when it comes to this…”

 

Alex gasped and he could hear the sound of porcelain shuttering on the floor as she dropped her tea mug. He closed his eyes unable to say a word. The complete silence lasted for some good five minutes. Both of them stayed petrified with their phones still to their ears. Eventually, Alex cleared her voice and said on a calm, yet devastating tone:   

 

_"I have only one thing to tell you, Matt. If you dare to come and parade your misogyny and jealousy at my workplace, please bring a lawyer with you. Because it would be the end of us. So, I would advise you to really think twice before taking a plane home before the 8th of May. Otherwise, I’ll call you when I will be ready to talk to you again. Goodbye."_


	42. Sink or swim?

Saturday, April 21st, 2018 – nearby Henley-on-Thames

 

Alex woke up crying in a beautiful bedroom of what the papers described as “Britain’s most expensive manor”. She wrapped the feather duvet around her curled up body and buried her face into the eight pillows of the pompous bed. She did not want to move away from the safety of her fluffy fort. She did not want to face that day. She felt scared and vulnerable. She felt alone and lonely. Judged and misunderstood. Damaged goods.  

 

A hard knock on the door had Alex startled. “Mrs. Smith!? It’s Denise… are you awake?”

 

Alex did not reply. She shook her head vehemently into the pillows. No, no! She was not awake. She refused to be awake. Denise knocked again: “Mrs. Smith… you’re half an hour late for hair and make-up. Sorry to bother you, but we really need to start. Can you make it outside, in my trailer, in ten minutes? Mrs. Smith? Hello?”

 

Alex growled in frustration and jumped off the bed wiping away her tears. She ran to the door and opened it: “Morning, Denise… sorry… I just… I overslept. I will be there in five.”

 

“Brilliant! Sorry again for… waking you up. But everyone’s really stressed out. Have you seen the set yet? They finished arranging everything yesterday evening. That bedroom is… oh, my, gosh! I have never seen something like that in my whole life!!! I mean… how pretentious can a room be???” The young woman exclaimed excited. Alex, unfortunately, could not share her enthusiasm. She simply settled for:

 

“No, I haven’t seen the main bedroom yet. For me even this one is too pretentious. So I can only imagine how opulent the main bedroom must be.”

 

“Our Victoria is a hell of a lady.” Denise laughed.

 

Alex shook her head: “She’s just a whore who’s about to cheat on her husband.” When the younger woman gasped in shock, Alex grimaced: “Sorry… I didn’t mean to say that. I had some really terrible nightmares… must have been because of the canopy bed. Don’t mind me. Forget I even said that… See you in five?”

 

Denise nodded and hurried away from Alex’s room. After closing the door, Alex covered her face with her hands and started breathing heavily. She could feel the panic tightening her chest like a boa constrictor. She fell on her knees on the floor. Trembling. What the hell was she doing there??? How on earth was she going to survive a whole day of kissing and touching Ralph? Wait what? She had to kiss Ralph!!! She actually had to kiss Ralph Fiennes!!! How on earth was she going to kiss Ralph???

 

Alex let out a high pitched screech. Oh heavens, she had to kiss Ralph!!! She had to go in bed with Ralph!!! Alex blinked several times as the realisation started to kick in. Of course she’s known the script from the very beginning, but it never felt real. And now it suddenly was too real! Alex covered her mouth with the back of her palm feeling sick. She stood up from the floor and ran to the bathroom where she spent the next fifteen minutes throwing up.

 

When Alex eventually exited the manor, the sun welcomed her with its terribly bright rays. She rolled her eyes and frowned at the stupid star. Was it shining like that just to spite her? Alex made her way across the green grass of the garden towards Denise’s trailer. Needless to say that she was not pleased to see that the young make-up artist decided to set her tools outside. Alex rolled her eyes at the prospect of spending her next couple of hours in the sun.

 

“Oh, heaven! Are you alright, Mrs. Smith??? You look whiter than a ghost!!!” Denise gasped in shock.

 

“I would definitely feel better if you stopped calling me Mrs. Smith!” Alex hissed sitting on her make-up chair.

 

“I am sorry… ah… Ms. Kingston?” Denise tried.

 

“You’ve been painting my face for a couple of months now!!! Is it that hard to remember that my name is Alex?”

 

Denise swallowed and tried to avoid the actress’s murderous gaze. She had no idea what happened to her. But one thing was sure: in the whole time they’ve worked together, Alex Kingston has not acted like an insufferable diva before. Apparently there was a first time for everything. The young woman refrained from answering the rhetoric question and started sorting her tools.

 

Somehow, given the make-up and costume delays, Alex managed to arrive on set over two hours later than she was meant to. As she entered the main bedroom of the manor – the set of the most important scene of the whole film, as the director kept on reminding everyone – her jaw dropped. The bedroom was decorated with heavy baroque furniture, carpets and curtains. It looked gorgeous despite its excessiveness and all the filming lights added to its magical aura. The main action was due to take place in the massive bed, which – she had to admit – looked incredibly pleasurable.

 

When the director saw Alex, he clapped like an excited child before sarcastically laughing at her: “Finally!!! Her Ladyship decided to honour us with her presence. Now, someone please bring Earl Black from his Earl Grey break… and maybe we can finally get this party started since we are on a very tight schedule!!!”

 

The first half of the day passed in a blur. They had to shoot over and over again the scene with Earl Black sneaking into the Duchess’s room after their afternoon tea. Their love had evolved at a rapid pace, but the prude aristocrat always regarded it as a platonic affair. The Earl, however, had other plans. He was supposed to enter the bedroom and find the Duchess replying to one of his love letter. He had to shush her protests with a love declaration and to kneel in front of her writing desk, begging for her mercy. She had to act offended and shocked until he eventually silenced her with a kiss.

 

The first time Ralph stood up from the kneeling position in order to press his lips on hers, Alex instinctively pulled away. The director shouted ‘cut’, but did not comment on it. They had to redo the whole scene. The second time, Alex pulled away again. Ralph rolled his eyes and so did the director. But none of them commented anything. The third time, his lips indeed touched hers and she gasped in shock. The director shouted ‘cut’. This time he asked her to go to him for a word. Alex obliged, but was not at all pleased to listen to the man telling her how he understood that she might have had some issues with Ralph in the past, but that she had to remember that she was a professional. She resumed her place at the baroque writing table and the cameras rolled again. The fourth time, Ralph did kiss her. Alex poured all her strength into not pulling away. She was thankful for the fact that she had to sit, because she was convinced she wouldn’t have been able to stand throughout the whole scene. When cut was called, Denise hurried to reapply her lipstick. Alex faked a smile. The fifth time, Ralph kissed her again. Then the sixth, and the seventh, and the eighth… At some point, she just stopped caring. Wrongly as Alex knew it was, the kissing felt more and more natural with every take.

 

When the director declared himself satisfied, they went on a short coffee break. Alex disappeared from the set and returned only twenty minutes after the break had ended. Everyone rolled their eyes at her, but no one dared to say anything. They were now due to shoot the scene in which the Earl undressed the Duchess. This time, Ralph was the one to constantly ruin the takes, as he rarely managed to properly undo the corset and deal with the many layers of Alex’s period outfit.

 

“I am so freaking thankful that in this century one does not have to spent half a day undressing his lady before a quick shag!” Ralph hissed causing everyone, except Alex, to laugh.

 

The whole scheduled got extremely delayed. What was supposed to be their lunch break at 2 p.m., became a dinner break at 6 p.m. The sex scene which was meant to be filmed immediately after lunch, started happening only after 7:30 in the evening – since the film’s diva decided to disappear once more!!! The director was beyond exasperated with Alex’s attitude and overall behaviour, but knowing how difficult the day must have been for her, he tried not to give her notes unless stringently necessary. It was the fifth time they were restarting the sex scene. They never went on with it for more than five minutes. Alex kept on ruining it in a way or another. When she moaned loudly pulling Ralph closer to her, the director could no longer tolerate it: 

 

“Cut! Cut! Cut!” He shouted throwing his script on the floor.  

 

Ralph rolled his eyes heavily when he heard the damned word. However, he did not comment. He pushed himself up and heard Alex growling in frustration. She made no movement to suggest any intention of standing up from bed. Ralph wrapped himself in his robe and looked at her while the director was fuming.  

 

“Alex!!! This is the fifth time you screw the scene!!! How many times do I have to tell you??? You must not be this passionate! Remember that Victoria is not accustomed with the pleasurable and sensual nature of sexual intercourse. You have to be more insecure!!! The Earl barely managed to get her into bed! You cannot be moaning two minutes after you hit the pillows!!! Victoria is very shy in this scene. Always remember that he has to teach you how to enjoy yourself!” The director hissed.

 

“He’s already taught me that, I remember well what to do.” Alex hissed back through clenched teeth.

 

“Excuse me, what? I didn’t hear you.”

 

“She said that Victoria’s husband taught her and maybe she still remembers.” Ralph intervened promptly, attempting to attenuate the mounting tension between his co-star and the director.

 

“No, no. Victoria’s never known that sort of pleasure with her husband. Alex… look, just think of this scene as a sort of first time. You know? Losing one’s virginity type of scene. Be as prude and shy as possible!” The director indicated sighing. “Well… I don’t know. Do you guys need a break? Maybe it’s for the best to take ten minutes off.”

 

“I don’t want a break!”

“Let’s take a break!”

 

Alex and Ralph said at once. The director frowned at them. Ralph looked at Alex with a ‘what the fuck’ glare.

 

“We should take a break, for sure!” Ralph said with a forced smile and literally threw Alex her robe.

 

“Great.” The director agreed. “I actually desperately need a coke. You two needing anything?”

 

“Can Alex get some cold water and a very strong coffee?” Ralph fluttered his eyelashes.

 

“I’m fine.” Alex waved a hand while standing up from bed and wrapping the robe around herself.

 

“No, no.” Ralph shook his head. “You should get a coffee. A very strong one.”

 

Alex ignored him and went to sit down on the chair which had her name written on it. The director growled frustrated and left to fetch his coke and potentially Alex’s coffee. As soon as the director was out, Ralph hurried to Alex’s side:

 

“What the fuck, Alexandra??? You’re beyond drunk!” Ralph accused on a whispered voice.

 

“No, I am not.” She rolled her eyes.

 

“Do you really think no one noticed that you’ve been drinking literally the whole day??? When disappearing and delaying the schedule for everyone??? You’ve been drunker and drunker after every break!!! And every living soul in this room knows you’re drunk! So unprofessional!!!"

 

“I am not drunk.”

 

“You touched my penis!” He whispered annoyed.

 

“It was in my way!” Alex frowned.

 

“All three times?” Ralph hissed.

 

“All three times.” She replied lifting her shoulders as if unable to understand why he was bothered.

 

“Don’t play with fire, Alexandra… Or you might get really burnt!” He threatened.

 

“Maybe I want to get burnt.” She teased.

 

“Do you really want to get burnt?” Ralph said while leaning forwards toward her chair. He pressed his lips on her cheek and continued kissing his way to her earlobe. “Alexandraaa…” He whispered on a low voice. “Bear in mind that I remember very, very, very well where and how to touch you in order to make you go insane...” Alex bit her lower lip. Ralph kissed her below the ear. “And bear in mind that it’s been more than twenty years since I last had you. I am desperate to fuck you so hard that you’ll forget your name!!! You don’t get to tease me unless you are prepared to pay the price. You be a good girl, be professional and do your job, and I swear to God that I will do the same!!! But tease me one more time and I will burn you painfully slow on that bed… don’t play games with me, Mrs. Fiennes… Are we clear?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Meanwhile in Matetsi 

 

Gugu place a hand on his back and started rubbing it slowly. Matt was with his head on the table. They’ve been in the hotel’s bar for more than three hours. Matt was still half way through his first beer. He was too low to be bothered drinking it. “Wish I could do something to make you feel better…” She whispered.

 

“She literally told me she would divorce me if I go home…” Matt sighed.

 

“Maybe she did not mean it…” Gugu tried.

 

“I know she did not mean it, but it still hurts.”

 

“Matt…” She placed a kiss on his forehead. Matt lifted his head and looked at her. She’s been such a good friend in the past week, desperately trying to do whatever she could to make him feel better. Gugu smiled at him and he smiled back at her.

 

“Thank you so much for putting up with me…” He whispered.

 

“Don’t even mention it. That’s what friends are for, Matt. And I simply hate seeing you like this…” She brushed her fingers over his cheek. “I really am puzzled. I really cannot understand why you are still with her? She’s made your life a living hell in the past year.”  

 

“How could I not be with her? She’s the air I breathe…” Matt sighed.

 

“How can you say she is the air you breathe? Who taught you that it was alright to inhale toxic substances? Because this is what your wife is to you – toxic. This is how I see her… from everything I’ve heard through my wall in the past month, from everything you’ve confessed this week. She’s simply toxic for you…”

 

Matt rolled his eyes, but did not reply to Gugu’s remark. She meant well, Matt knew it, but she didn’t know shit about Alex! So how dared she call the woman he loved toxic?

 

Before he realized it, Gugu used the hand she still had on his cheek to turn his head towards herself. She leaned forwards and pressed her lips on his. For several short seconds Matt’s body reacted instinctively and he deepened the kiss. Then he suddenly put a hand on her shoulder and pulled back, pushing her away softly.

 

“Gugu… I am terribly sorry, but… what just happened??? I know we’ve spent a lot of time together in the past week. I know I cried on your shoulder and I know I told you… maybe too much. But you must have understood the motives of my confessions wrong. I… I am sorry, but I am not looking for consolation. I love my wife, Gugu! I adore my wife. I would never do anything to disrespect her… I would never do this to her…”

 

“Even though she might be in her ex-husband’s bed right now?” The woman hissed, feeling humiliated by the rejection.

 

“No…” Matt smiled. He covered his face with his hands. “Oh, hell! I’ve been such a douche… She would never, ever, ever… do something like that either. Alex loves me and I’ve treated her despicably because of my unjustified jealousy. How could I have been so blind???” Matt looked at Gugu with utter desperation in his eyes. “I cannot even begin to imagine what she must feel like… oh, my, God! I need to call her. I need to make sure she is alright… Excuse me.”

 

Matt stood up from their table and took his phone from his pocket. He almost ran outside, and into the garden. He looked at the stars and then checked the time. Local hour 11:28 p.m., this meant it was barely half past ten in the UK. So she was definitely still awake. She said no phone calls until she decides to forgive him… but he simply had to call her! He had to apologise and make sure she was alright after her heavy day. Matt bit his lip and without thinking about it twice, he dialled his wife’s number.   

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Back in Henley-on-Thames 

 

Alex entered her bedroom in a rush, slammed the door shut and locked it. She glued her back to the door, finding it impossible to breathe. Her whole body was shaking and her head was still spinning from all the alcohol she’s consumed. When the director shouted the final ‘cut’, she couldn’t have been more grateful. She jumped off that bloody bed in less than a second, grabbed her robe and wrapped it tightly around her naked body, asked if anyone still needed her, and hurried out of the set.

 

A hard knock on her door made her jump away from it.

 

“Open up!”

 

“Hell no!!!” Alex shook her head vehemently.

 

“Open up before someone sees me at your door!” Ralph hissed.

 

Alex covered her face with her hands. She could feel her blood boiling with lust. Naturally, she did not stop when she should have. She completely disregarded the fact that Ralph was not the man to play games with. He’s made it clear that he would make her pay if she continued with her teasing, and he did not fail to deliver on his threats. Three hours of torturous foreplay later and she was losing her mind. They shoot and reshoot the bloody scene more times than she cared to remember. Every bloody time Ralph kept on touching her in all the wrong places, never where she desperately wanted it. And now she was losing her mind! She didn’t want anything more than to unlock her door for him.

 

Alex looked to her right and captured her face in the small mirror which hang on the wall. The woman in the mirror lifted her shoulders. _Sink or swim?_ The woman in the mirror asked.

 

“Swim… swim… swim…” Alex whispered closing her eyes shut in order to avoid staring in the mirror. There was no use, the woman in the mirror moved inside her head.

 

_~ Sink. Sink. Sink, why swim? Matt’s never trusted you anyway… he never will. ~_

 

“Alexandra… for heaven’s sake, open the door!” Ralph urged her again.

 

_~ Open that door. Matt is anyway convinced you’ll do it. What is the point in proving him wrong? He will never, ever believe you anyway. No one ever will... ~_

 

Alex opened her eyes in order to silence the voice in her head. She walked to the door and, with a quick twist of the wrist, unlocked it. Ralph pushed it open before she could blink twice, and slammed it shut equally fast. He closed the gap between them and tangled one hand into her curls, while wrapping the other one around her waist. He looked deeply into her green eyes and smirked victoriously. She gasped as he pulled her closer and crashed his lips on hers. Alex moaned loudly into his mouth as he pinned her on the door. Ralph locked the door and untied her robe. He moved with his kisses down her neck until he reached her breasts.

 

“I have missed you so much…”

 

“Are you talking to me or to my breasts?” She managed to whisper as his hands roamed all over her body.

 

“Both!” He laughed. With a quick move, he put one arm behind her tights, one on her lower back and lifted her into the air. He walked with her to bed and threw her on the fluffy duvet. Alex looked at him mesmerized while her bare chest was frantically moving up and down. Ralph took a condom out of his robe’s pocket, before untying it and throwing it on the floor. He then smiled and winked at Alex, who giggled back and opened her arms inviting him in her embrace.

 

Forgotten on top of her suitcase, Alex’s phone starting ringing. Since it was on silent, the two remained unaware of Matt’s desperate attempts of reaching his wife.

 

When he was sent to voicemail for the eleventh time in a row, Matt rolled his eyes and left a message: _“My love… I know I disappointed you. I was an utter jerk and I know it is hard for you to forgive me. I don’t know why I’ve acted like this. I feel very bad about it! I never meant to be disrespectful… I swear that deep down I have never ever doubted you. It’s been stupid and immature of me to believe you’d ever fall for that bastard again. I know your feelings for me are strong and sincere… I am really sorry for making you feel unworthy of my trust. I have no idea what was on my mind! You are everything I ever wished for and I wouldn’t change anything about you and our marriage. I see it all very clearly now. I swear to you. I miss you so much and I cannot wait to come back home to you. I beg you to forgive me… please give me a call when you forgave me. I love you…”_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am definitely hiding in some snake hole for a while. I will read your furious comments from there... Xx


	43. Reunion Island

Thursday, May 3rd, 2018 – London

 

The rain was pouring on top of him, but Matt didn’t seem to care. He thanked the taxi driver and assured him that no further help was needed with the suitcases. The driver looked skeptical, but nodded and left his client be.

 

Matt dragged his two large suitcases towards the entrance. The house was complexly dark, and his heart was already sulking because of this. With trembling hands, he took the keys out from his pocket and unlocked the front door of their London home.

 

“Alex?” Matt whispered barely audible. Realizing that there was no way she’s heard him, Matt raised his voice, calling her name out loud: “Alex?”

 

Silence.

 

Matt took in a deep breath and pulled his suitcases into the hallway. He sighed and locked the door behind him, leaving his keys in their proper place – as Alex always forced him to. Then he shook his head in disbelief. The house was dark. Utterly dark and completely silent.

 

He removed his jacket and shoes in slow motion. She was not there. How could she not be there? Matt had hoped to find his wife waiting for him with a large smile on her face, a smile that she could not hide despite all her anger! Yes, he knew they had to talk. He was well aware that they had to address some serious issues… but, he had desperately hoped they could postpone facing their conflict for at least a day or so. He had hoped for a nice reunion…

 

Matt sighed. More than two months, he thought. More than two months without holding her in his arms. Oh, he was missing his wife with his whole being!!!

 

“Alex… my love?” Matt called her name again, finally turning on the lights in the hallway.

 

Silence.

 

He rolled his eyes. Why was he even trying? Even an idiot could tell that the house was empty. She was not there. 

 

Almost three weeks, he thought. Almost three weeks without hearing from her at all. He’s done his job day by day without saying a word about it to anyone, without showing how he was slowly dying inside.

 

Matt suddenly felt like needing something strong, so he made his way to the dark living room.

 

Guilt. That’s what he felt! Plenty of it! In fact, that terrible guilt ate on his soul throughout the entire period in which she treated him with unbreakable silence. Guilt! Horrible guilt. And regret. Painful regret. Oh, how he regretted every single damned word he’s said to her that faithful night! He hated himself for his behaviour. His stupidly immature behaviour which hurt the most wonderful human being he’s ever had the privilege to know.

 

Of course he wrote to her after that night. Of course he tried to reach her in any manner humanly possible. But Alex never picked up the phone. Alex never replied to his messages. Although it backfired in her face, and it completely ruined their friendship, Gugu’s attempt at luring Matt into her arms made him realize how unfair he’s been to his wife. Just because someone else has unholy thoughts with you and about you, it does not mean that you will automatically be dragged into sin! Just because Matt could not trust the snake Fiennes was, this did not mean he did not trust in his wife’s love and loyalty! He’s got it all wrong and he tried so hard, and oh so unsuccessfully, to apologize to her. But Alex never picked up the phone. Alex never replied to his messages… to his emails! To his daily emails! Because he’s wrote her daily emails in which he proclaimed his love and begged for her forgiveness, before dully proceeding into describing in detail the way in which his day had unfolded. In vain! She never replied to his 'dear diary' emails. Not even with a single word. Not even with a bitter “fuck off” – which in itself was good, Matt tried to persuade himself.

 

Silence. Utter silence. Painful silence.

 

The sliding door which led into the living room was opened. Nothing unusual; they always kept it like that. But the pitch black darkness inside? That was unusual. Alex always loved to have her fairy lights on. The fact that the fairy lights were off was just another reminder that she was not there. That she was probably at Nicola’s, or worse – sleeping in her trailer, at the studios, in order to avoid him! 

 

Matt suddenly regretted coming home early. He should have… He stopped and sighed. He should have what? Matt thought about it for a second. Well, he should have anything else!!! Maybe make a small trip to L.A.? Oh, yes! Take Myra and Salome with him to London!!! Bring Salome back home, as a shield!!! A small victory smile crossed his mind, before suddenly being replace with a dreadful feeling. Pathetic! Even the thought of using his step-daughter as a bribe to gain his wife’s forgiveness was pathetic!!!

 

Of course he let Alex know that they were wrapping earlier and that he was due to return on May 3rd, instead of the 8th. He wrote to her as soon as the schedule changed!!! But what if she was not reading his emails??? Matt could suddenly feel the panic rising in his chest. What if Alex did not see his email? The one in which he forwarded the producer’s change of schedule and scanned his whole work planner? Or the one in which he sent her his return plane ticket???

 

Matt turned on the lights of the living room and hurried to the bar. He opened the bar and helped himself with a glass and a bottle.     

 

Maybe that’s why she was not at home! Maybe that’s why she did not wait for him at the airport. When he landed and she was not there, he just wanted to die. He tried to convince himself that she was eagerly waiting for him at home with a wonderfully warm late supper. But no. She was not at home! Maybe she never received his email! And she was working late hours! It could explain everything!!!

 

Matt suddenly relaxed and took a sip of whiskey. A short, blissful second of hope. Before he froze in panic again!

 

If Alex never read his email, and she came home and found him there before V.E. Day… then she would be so angry!!! She would think he was back early only to check on her! And she would call the lawyer! And she would divorce him! And he would lose her! And then he would just die!!!

 

Matt tried to breathe and downed his whiskey. He poured himself another glass and took a sip. He had to make a plan. Maybe he could sleep at a hotel and find a common friend to send to her studios the following day as mediator. Laura!!! No… not Laura. She would inevitably take sides and Matt needed someone who could at least attempt to be neutral and not hate him for his stupidity! Definitely not Laura. Alex was Laura's darling. His sister would kill him for being a bastard and he totally deserved it... Someone else! Jenna!!! Maybe Jenna was... not somewhere else in the world??? Matt sighed. 

 

It wasn’t until he turned around to leave the room, that he saw her. Matt jumped utterly frightened and almost dropped the glass from his hand.

 

“Jesus, Alex!!! You scared the life out of me!!!” Matt said pressing his free hand on his racing heart and attempting to slow down his frenetic pulse.

 

Alex did not even blink. She was sitting on the sofa, with her legs crossed and her hands lifelessly fallen on top of them. She was white as a ghost and, although she looked at him, she seemed to see right through him.

 

“Alex!” Matt exclaimed putting his glass aside and hurrying to the sofa. “My love… my… are you alright?” He looked dead worried. He sat down next to her and immediately tried to pull her into his arms. Alex did not move, but she burst into hysterical crying.

 

“Hey… hey… hey… love!” Matt tried to turn her face towards him, but she resisted. “It’s alright, my love. I am here! Alex, sweetheart… Look at me, love. I am here! I am so sorry for everything! Please, I beg you to forgive me… I am here now! Just looked at me and tell me what’s wrong…” He begged.

 

With a quick move, Alex straddled him, pressing his back on the sofa’s backrest. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head into it. She continued sobbing, as Matt hugged her closer and tighter. He slowly started to rub her lower back in his desperate attempt to comfort his distressed wife.

 

“Matt…” She cried.

 

“I am here, my love. I am here... Shh…” He assured her. Alex continued to cling desperately on their koala embrace. Matt started rocking his upper body to left and right, trying to do the impossible to make her calm down. But Alex seemed unable to calm down.

 

“I am so sorry…” Alex whispered into his neck.

 

“What…” Matt replied swallowing hard.

 

“I am so, so, sorry…” She cried desperately.

 

Matt’s heart stopped beating for several long seconds. He could not put his finger on what it was, but something in the way she uttered the words made it all clear.

 

He stopped rocking her, and his arms let go of their embrace. Matt closed his eyes painfully slow. Alex let out a deafening cry when she could no longer feel his hands on her back. In response, she tightened her own grip on him. 

 

“Let go…” Matt whispered.

 

“No…” Alex shook her head, wrapping her arms ever tighter around his neck. He could no longer breathe, and he wasn’t sure whether it was because of her unuttered, yet transparent confession or because she was strangling him with her embrace.

 

That was it! He could not breathe! Matt tried to take in as much air as possible, but he could not fill his lungs. Desperately, with a speed and strength that scared even him, Matt’s hands clenched around her arms and forcefully unwrapped them from around his neck. Alex continued protesting, as Matt pushed her off him and onto the sofa. He then stood up.

 

“NO!” Alex exclaimed and fell off the sofa in her pathetic attempt to grab his shirt and stop him from leaving. By the time she managed to recollect herself from the fall, Matt was already on the other side of the room, retrieving his glass of whiskey from the bar.

 

“Fuck…” He said taking a sip. “Oh… fuck!” Matt downed the whole glass. “FUCK!” He shouted throwing the empty glass into the nearest wall. Alex startled, then she froze on her knees on the floor.

 

“This is why? Oh! MY! GOD! This is why I haven’t heard from you in the past weeks?” He shouted at her. Alex lowered her eyes. “Answer to me!!! All that time in which I cried myself to sleep thinking that you were mad at me??? All that time in which I regretted every damn word I said and I hated myself like I have never hated anything in my life??? All that time in which I cursed my life for not trusting you??? ALL THAT BLOODY TIME???? All that time you were actually fucking with another man?” Matt’s whole body was shaking and his blood was boiling with anger.

 

“YOU WH… YOU… ARHHHH… YOU!!!” Matt shouted, then bit hard his tongue in order to hold back all those insults which were eager to roll out of his mouth. Before he could realize, Alex was on her feet hurrying towards him.

 

“Matt… please!!! I love you.” She cried trying to reach him.

 

In that second, hearing the pathetic words which left her mouth, Matt felt like he could kill her. And he wanted nothing more but kill her then and there!!! Everything happened so fast, but it felt like an eternity. Without realizing it, Matt raised his hand. Alex gasped freezing on the spot. Her whole body seemed to shrink as she moved her hands in front of her face, bracing herself for the hit.

 

Then pause.  

 

Matt left out a painful screech and started breathing in and out heavily. Still shaking like a jellyfish, Alex lowered her trembling hands from her head and looked at him. He was several steps back than the last where she’s seen him, less than five seconds earlier. His head was fallen into his palms and he was crying.

 

“I am sorry… I am so sorry… I am so, so… sorry! Forgive me, Alex…” Matt begged before his voice completely broke. Alex could not speak. She tried to open her mouth to say something, but her racing heart and trembling body did not seem to cooperate.   

 

“Alex…” Matt removed his hands from his face and looked at her with terrified eyes: “Please tell me you forgive me!” He pressed his palms together and looked at her mortified.

 

“Matt, it’s… it’s alright. Nothing happened!” Alex whispered.

 

“No, my love… No! It is anything but alright…” He shook his head vehemently.

 

“Matt… please! It’s alright. There is nothing I have to forgive you for! Nothing happened… you did nothing wrong!!! It’s all my fault… everything… everything is only MY fault!” She cried trying to reassure him.

 

Matt closed the distance between them and cupped her face tenderly. He pressed his lips on hers and kissed her softly. Alex froze for a second, unsure of how to react. However, the confusion dissipated quickly and her body responded to his instinctively. She leaned into the kiss as they both found comfort into its bitter-sweetness. Matt moaned into her parted lips and she immediately wrapped her arms around her body. He pressed his chest on hers and deepened the kiss, as if trying to reach the depth of her soul with it.

 

They kissed for a long while, standing in the middle of the living room, before their terrified hearts decided to return beating at a slightly lower rate. Matt broke the kiss and looked into her eyes without removing his hands from her face.  

 

“My love…” He whispered. “I am so sorry…”

 

“Matt, pelase…” She begged. “I told you… it’s my fault.” A string of pearly tears left her eyes again.

 

Matt shook his head: “It does not matter what you did, Alex! _That_ and _this_ are two separate matters. Nothing! Listen to me, beautiful… absolutely nothing in the world would have justified me hitting you! Do you understand me?”

 

Alex nodded with desperate tears rolling off her cheeks. Matt exhaled and removed his hands from her face in order to wipe off his own tears:

 

“Oh, heaven… I have no idea how I stopped! I swear to God… Come here!” Matt dragged her to his chest letting his head sink into her hair. He inhaled her scent and held her as close as possible: “Oh, Alex… I have no idea how I stopped!!! I could not think! I could not see anything but red in front of my eyes… your words made my anger explode! Fuck!!!” He let out a desperate sob. “I have no idea how I stopped! I almost hit you… fuck… I almost hit you…” He cried wrapping himself protectively around her, desperately trying to shield her frail form from… well, anything and everything!

 

“You didn’t…” Alex whispered burying her face into his chest.

 

“I would have killed myself… I would have never forgiven myself…” Matt could feel her crying in his shirt and he growled in desperation:

 

“Oh, Alex… Alex, my love! My sweet, sweet, love… What have you done to us?”

 

The only reply she could offer him was another desperate sob. He rubbed her back softly trying to calm her down, to comfort her. They stayed embraced like that, with Alex sobbing into his chest and Matt silently crying in her hair, for a long while. They were both too scared to let go of each other… but they eventually had to.

 

Matt was the first to pull away.

 

“Hm...” He cleared his voice, and took in a deep breath, before stepping back: “I’ll grab… I… I am really hungry. Do we have anything to eat?”

 

Alex nodded, still trying to come at terms with the end of their embrace: “I… hm… there’s… I cooked…” She managed to say.  

 

“Okay…” He nodded and tried to smile. “Did you cook anything I like?”

 

“I…” She looked at him and nodded. “Of course.”

 

“Yumm…” He looked at her awkwardly, then he cleared his voice again: “So… what’s for dinner?”

 

“Ah… well… I bought you shark meat. From the fish market? I grilled it with… ah…” Alex looked down, struggling to breathe in that toxically uncomfortable atmosphere. “I grilled it with the spices you like… and then there’s veggies… the Thai recipe for veggies? That… that you like so much as well?”

 

Matt burst into laughter. Alex frowned. Matt shook his head and laughed even louder looking at her confused face.

 

“Did I… did I miss something?” She ventured to ask.

 

“Reunion island!” Matt winked.

 

“Sorry… what?” Alex narrowed her eyes befuddled.  

 

“Oh you know, Reunion Island? La Réunion… French island. Small French island, not far off Madagascar. Very beautiful… incredibly beautiful, la Réunion! I’m telling you! Never visited it, though…”

 

“Okay?” She blinked without having a clue what he was on about.  

 

“The shark island…” Matt laughed.

 

“I don’t understand a word.” Alex confessed.  

 

Matt once again closed the gap between them. With a sweet smile on his face, he tapped the tip of her nose with his index finger. He licked his lips and bent to press several small kisses on hers:

 

“Reunion Island is a wonderful place…” He whispered in between kisses. “One of the best surfing locations in the world, they say.” Matt licked her lips. They were salty and delicious. “Problem is, that the island is surrounded by sharks!!! A hell lot of sharks. Everyone knows that la Réunion is the ultimate shark island!!! You know… people go there to be happy, but they end up having parts of their body torn apart by merciless sharks!”

 

Matt sighed and broke the contact. He looked deeply into her eyes and shook his head in disbelief:

 

“I wanted a lovely reunion, met the shark instead. Classic Reunion Island!”

 

Alex gasped and closed her eyes painfully. She tried to take in a deep breath and recompose herself from the shock of being compared with a ‘merciless shark’.

 

“Alright then. I’ll go eat my veggies…” Matt whispered.  

 

“I… I will lay the table for you…” Alex said on a shaky voice, struggling to open her eyes and look at him.

 

“No need, my love. I really want to be left alone. I need to process the news… I need to think about what just happened. I need to come at terms with what you’ve done. I really, really want to be alone. And I _need_ to be alone!” He underlined the word. “I am really sorry for rambling… but my mind is a bit foggy at the moment. I am going through a series of fast changing and utterly contradictory emotions. I am torn between the desire of having you close and never letting you go, and the instinct of killing you with my bare hands. Trust me, I don’t want to have another outburst in your presence. I don’t want to unleash all hell and say offensive words to you… So, please, try understand me!”

 

“Matt…”

 

“Don’t... just don’t, love. I beg of you. All I am asking for is a bit of space!!! I am tired, emotionally exhausted. Betrayed. Shocked. Hungry… broken...” He paused and sighed. “I just want to eat, shower, and go to bed! It’s late anyway. Just go to _your_ bedroom and stay there! I will sleep in one of the guest rooms. Just give me some space and privacy. Is this so much to ask for, given the welcoming I received? I need to sleep on things… We’ll discuss over breakfast, alright?”

 

“No… Matt please…” She cried. “I mean… yes… but, I mean, please go and sleep in _your_ bed. You are tired, you need to rest. I will take one of the guest rooms.” Alex was barely able to say it while her tears were still cascading.  

 

Matt burst into hysterical laughter: “ _My_ bed? How many times did Fiennes fuck you in _MY_ bed?”

 

“Matt!” Alex gasped. “I never… how can you believe? Oh, NO. NEVER… ever… I swear! Never!”

 

“Shut up, my love.” Matt sighed and pressed a kiss on her forehead. He tucked a curl behind her ear and wiped a couple of her tears with his thumb. “See you in the morning, alright?”

 

“Matt…”

 

“What now…” He whispered.

 

Alex lifted her shoulders, unable to speak. He looked at her, nonverbally invited her to speak her mind. Alex just shook her head and looked down. She felt petrified and she did not have the courage to say a word.

 

Matt sighed, giving up: “Just stay out of my sight until tomorrow…” He then leaned to press a goodnight kiss on her lips.

 

“I love you…” She whispered holding her breath.

 

“And I you… unfortunately for me.” Matt smiled and walked out of the room.


	44. The longest breakfast...

Friday, May 4th, 2018 – London

 

“Good morning…” Matt said attempting to smile as he walked towards her.

 

Alex was standing by the counter finishing pouring coffee in their two favourite mugs. Matt softly placed a hand on her lower back and leaned in to kiss her cheek. She closed her eyes painfully and blinked away the tears which were threatening to escape.

 

“The coffee’s ready…” She whispered offering him his mug.

 

Matt took the mug with a larger smile and sipped from the hot beverage: “Heaven! Your coffee is divine!” He turned around and walked to the table where his favourite French style breakfast awaited: “Oh, yum! The breakfast looks wonderful, my love. I feel so spoilt! You shouldn’t have done this.” 

 

Alex sighed hearing his nice words. She grabbed her own coffee mug and slowly dragged her feet to their kitchen’s round table. Her plate was placed on the diametrically opposite side from where he was sitting, not next to him as it was normally the case:

 

“No worries, darling. It was my pleasure to arrange the breakfast… I thought you’d probably feel like pancakes and Nutella.” She faked a smile while sitting down and placing the coffee mug in front of her plate.

 

“Now aren’t you the perfect w…”

 

“DON’T!” Alex stopped him before being able to finish his breakfast catchphrase. Two big tears fell down her cheeks. “I am not the perfect wife, and you know it! I am a bloody cheater! Please, please… don’t be this nice to me! I don’t deserve it! You have all the right to be angry and mad at me… you should be angry and mad at me! Why aren’t you? You’ve been shouting at me for months accusing me of potential adultery. You were right! I did it! Why aren’t you shouting now? Don’t be nice to me…”

 

Matt sighed: “Firstly… let me apologize for the past couple of months or so. My behaviour was utterly despicable. In all honesty, I do feel like I am half guilty for what you’ve done. In a way, we could say that I pushed you into doing it…”

 

“Are you for real?” She cried, placing her elbows on the table and covering her face with her palms. “It is not your fault! Oh, darling, no… no…” She sobbed harder. “No… it was not your fault at all… don’t say that, I beg of you! Be mad at me! Just be mad!!! I want you to be mad at me! I deserve that… you should be shouting at me… you should be saying bad words to me… I deserve that!”  

 

Matt reached for her across the table, softly grabbing one of her wrists and forcing her to remove her hands from her face: “And what good would that do?”

 

“It would be only fair…”

 

“It would be completely pointless. It would bring nothing positive to our conversation! Me shouting and being mad will not undo what you’ve done. Hence, there is no point in me acting like an arsehole.” Matt shook his head, letting go of her wrist. He took a pancake and place it in his place sighing: “Love, pass me the jam, please.”

 

Alex took in a deep breath and looked at him, unsure whether he really meant his words. Matt smiled at her and kept his hand forward, waiting for the jam which was on her side of the table. Alex sighed and hurried to wipe the tears away from her face before handing him the jar: “Here you go… can I… can I have the ham?”

 

“Of course.” Matt smiled while passing her the ham. “Now, do fill me in with the latest gossip… I am dying to hear how you’ve ended up in his bed.”

 

Alex pushed her plate away, feeling utterly sick. Matt looked at her and stuffed the pancake into his mouth. He felt sick as well, but he was determined not to act on the pain which was ripping apart his whole body. He was very determined to keep as calm and cool as possible. Matt anyway knew already what he had to say, he had his mind made, but he wanted to hear her out first.

 

“I don’t know what to say…” Alex whispered looking down and trying to hide her tears. If he was composed, she had to be composed as well. After all, it was only her fault – she told herself.   

 

“When did it happen…. _first_?” Matt asked two questions in one while looking straight at her.

 

“Ah… after… we filmed… it happened that weekend.” She managed to say ignoring the last bit of his question. With trembling hands, she lifted her coffee mug to her lips and drank half of it in one go.

 

“After you shoot the sex scene?” Matt asked while mindlessly trying to cut a piece of bread with the butter knife.

 

“Yes...” Alex nodded standing up. She walked to the counter, opened a drawer and took a sharper knife out of it. Then she returned to the table and offered him the knife.

 

“On the same day?” He inquired while taking the knife from her hand. Without waiting for Alex to reply, he immediately restarted busying himself with the loaf of bread. 

 

Alex looked at him cutting the bread, and apparently paying no attention to her. But she knew better; she knew he was just anxious and hurt and he was desperately trying to hide it. “Yes...” She replied starting pacing in the kitchen.

 

“How… how did it happen?”

 

“Matt!” Alex begged on a desperate voice.

 

“Oh no!!!” He exclaimed. “I don't mean the he kissed me here, he touched me there! Then he put his penis inside my vagina…” Matt suddenly stabbed the bread with the knife. “Did you use a condom???” He asked turning abruptly towards her. Alex froze on the spot, stopping her tracks:

 

“Of course we did.”

 

“Good. Because the man is utterly disgusting!” Matt rolled his eyes. Alex gasped and hurried back her seat because she could no longer stand.

 

“Do you think I am disgusting?” She whispered. 

 

Matt reached for another pancake. “When I asked how it happened I meant to find out how the day unfolded.” He avoided answering her question.

 

“Silence is always a ‘yes’, my Oma used to say.”

 

“No, Alex. I don’t find you disgusting! But I do find the thought of that man touching you more than reprehensible. I dreamt of it, by the way. Last night! I had to rush to the toilet and throw up…” He grimaced and bit from his sandwich. “Sorry. Too much info, we’re having a lovely breakfast after all. Do you want a croissant? The bread is so nice and fresh, by the way! Did you take it from the wee bakery I love?”

 

Alex shook her head vehemently. “No, I don’t want a croissant… or I will be the one throwing up this morning.”

 

“Comfort eating. It helps.” Matt smiled. “Sorry for interrupting your story, love. So? Do continue, please.”     

 

“So we were shooting in location...”

 

“Yes...” Matt said munching from the sandwich.

 

“And I knew the day would be emotional so… I started drinking early. We filmed three scenes and they became progressively more erotic. The tension kept on building up...”

 

“And then?” Matt interrupted her, while shifting uncomfortably on the chair.

 

“And then we wrapped around… probably 10 p.m....”

 

“And then?” He asked stuffing the rest of the sandwich in his mouth.

 

“And then I rushed back to my bedroom… we were sleeping in the same manor where we filmed…”

 

“And then?” He reached for his glass of water. Alex pretended not to notice how badly his hand was trembling and how anxious his ‘and then’-s sounded.

 

“And then Ralph came banging his fists on my door…”

 

Matt laughed a little too hard: “And you thought to open up so he could bang you instead?”

 

Alex sighed and took her glass of water in order to swallow the crying sensation which was once again climbing up her throat. Matt didn't let her finish before he hastily asked again:

 

“So? Did you open up?”

 

Alex closed her eyes and bit her tongue so hard she could feel the irony taste of blood in her mouth: “Yes… I did…”

 

“And then?”

 

“And then Ralph came in… and it happened.” Alex reached for a pancake as well. Maybe Matt was right about comfort eating. Maybe stuffing her face with sweets would help.

 

“It happened? What happened?” He wanted to know.

 

“Matt…” Alex choked with her food. “Please… don’t…”

 

“Please do! I want to hear it.”

 

Alex shook her head. “No way.”

 

“Say it, Alex! And look at me when you do it. Because it puzzles me that it is so hard for you to admit it, when you clearly had no difficulty what so ever in opening your legs for him…”

 

Her eyes got filled with tears, but she struggled to keep looking at him: “And then… Ralph came in and I slept with him. Happy now?”

 

Matt banged both his fists on the table, making all the plates on it jump a couple of centimetres in the air. Alex startled before bursting into tears.

 

“I am sorry… I am sorry…” Matt tried to breathe in. He stood up and went to the counter to take some paper kitchen towels since some of his coffee spilled when he hit the table:

 

“Blimey… I did get angry after all. Sorry…” He tried to smile. “I didn’t mean to get angry… or to offend you with anything. I apologize if I offended you…”

 

“You did not offend me…” She assured him still crying.

 

“Where’s the jam?”

 

“It’s… it’s next to you…” Alex whispered, trying hard to compose herself.

 

“Oh, sorry sweetheart. I am half blind apparently. I didn’t notice it.” Matt reached for the jam and for another pancake. He was convinced that the food would not last in his stomach for much longer, but he kept on eating. He spread the jam on his pancake while humming a random tune. Then he forced a wicked smile and looked up at her:

 

“So… does it really work?” Matt chuckled.

 

“Pardon?” Alex whispered since her voice was too broken to cooperate.   

 

“Oh, you know, Kingston! The old urban myth.” Matt laughed.

 

“What urban myth?” She shook her head confused.

 

“Filming in location and suddenly deciding to go and randomly knock on one of your co-stars' door… get in, shag the brains off each other. Stuff like that.” Matt pulled his tongue out at her, trying to make her smile. Alex, however, was thousands of miles away from being comfortable to respond to his humour. “Come on, Kingston! You know the myth! Every actor out there heard the myth! And there is a very funny part about this whole story!”

 

“Is there…. is there any funny part?”

 

“Yes, there is, my love. Won’t you ask me about it?” Matt half stood up from the chair and leaned over the table stretching his arm until he managed to touch her nose with the tip of his finger.

 

Alex closed her eyes painfully. Without breaking skin contact, Matt moved his finger from her nose down to her lips. He softly parted her lips with his finger, seeking entrance. Despite herself, Alex’s tongue met his finger and her lips started to softly suck on it:

 

“What’s the funny part?” She asked with his finger still in her mouth.

 

“The funny part is that I completely lost count of how many times I walked to your door and failed to knock on it… during the Who years.” He confessed and she gasped painfully. “Can you imagine, my love? Had I known that you’re such an easy prey… things would have been very different…”

 

Alex immediately pulled away. “Go on… insult me! I was waiting for it.”

 

“What? No… I did not say it as an insult… I was merely trying to joke. Jesus! Sorry, Alex. I am so sorry… I… I wanted to lighten up the atmosphere!”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I am slowly losing my head…” Matt said sitting back down. “At least if I am cracking a joke here and there, I can transform this awfully long and unpleasant breakfast into a nicer one. Speaking of breakfast… can I have more coffee, please? I spilled half of mine…”

 

Alex stood up sighing. She took his mug and went to the counter to refill it. “Here you go…” She said placing the coffee in front of him. “Oh… sugar!” She turned around and reached for the sugar.

 

“Thank you.” Matt said taking the sugar. “Can I also get a kiss?”

 

Alex looked at him reluctantly. Did he really mean it? Matt looked at her with a smile which did not reach his eyes. He was hurting so much! His pain was more than visible, and she could hardly bear it. Sighing, she closed the distance between them, and bent in order to kiss him. Matt possessively forced his tongue into her mouth, but she did not say anything. He snogged her desperately for several long seconds.

 

When he broke the kiss, Matt looked deeply into her eyes and whispered: “I want you.”

 

A stream of tears started falling down her cheeks, upon hearing his words. She almost threw her arms around his neck. She could think of nothing else but beg him to forgive her and to take her to their room and make her his! Because heaven! She wanted him too. Desperately! Unfortunately, Matt pulled away before she managed to act on her instinct of wrapping her arms around his neck:

 

“But I guess I am not the one you want.” He took the jar of sugar and quickly dropped two table spoons of white granules into his coffee.

 

“What…” Alex whispered, her heart suddenly sinking back into her stomach. When Matt did not look at her and did not reply, Alex sighed and returned to her seat.

 

None of them spoke for more than ten minutes. The awkward silence between them was almost palpable. During the whole time, Matt pretended to be very focused on stirring a spoon into his coffee mug. Alex rolled another pancake and, despite feeling utterly sick, she forced herself to eat it. She chewed on that pancake as if it were a rubber gum.

 

Matt eventually broke the silence: “Did you sleep with him only once? You never answered to that bit of the question…”

 

“No...” Alex whispered. “No… I never answered to that bit of the question.”

 

“So, did you sleep with him only once?”

 

“No…”

 

Her one word was stronger than a punch in the stomach. And yet, Matt was not eager to believe it just yet. Maybe she misunderstood:

 

“I don't mean how many... well... I don't mean how many rounds you two had that night. It would be a bit too much information for my stomach. I mean... did it happen more than in that one night?”

 

“Yes...”

 

“How many?” Matt asked sighing.

 

“Two...” Alex whispered, looking down and avoiding his gaze.

 

“Two more or two in total?” 

 

“Two more...” Alex confessed. Matt rolled his eyes.

 

“When?”

 

“That... that first time and the following night, while still in Henley-on-Thames. And then… the following Friday.”

 

“You mean last Friday? As in exactly a week ago? When you already knew I was returning earlier?” Matt closed his eyes swallowing hard.  

 

“Yes…”

 

“Fine!!!” He nearly shouted, then he tried to relax by counting to ten in his mind. “Let’s say I understand the shagging while on location! Actors filming a sex scene… it happens. Let’s say I overlook that… But why last Friday? How???”

 

Alex bit her lower lip. “It was meant to be just that… actors shagging while on location! Trust me… I didn’t even want to speak to him afterwards! I was ignoring him…”

 

“Yah, yah, yah… I trust you! Never trusted you more…” He hissed. “Just tell me how it happened…”

 

“Vanessa had a ballet show. The girl invited me ages ago! I simply could not bear disappointing the child. When she came to the studios in the morning on Friday and I told him that I was having a sore tummy and I couldn’t make it to her show… she started crying! I could not bear it… so I went to see the show…”

 

Matt let his head fall on the table. He let out a painful sob: “Then you went with them home… probably to have dinner or something… because probably the child begged… and he encouraged her to beg… you probably spent the night as a little happy family, because even Ralph Fiennes is a father! Your words, not mine! Then the two of you probably put the child to sleep… all sugar spice… then the two of you probably had another drink… until he made a move and took you to his bed! Am I wrong? Tell me, I beg of you! Tell me this is not how it happened!!!” He lifted his head from the table and looked at her.

 

Alex buried her face into her palms. “I am sorry…”

 

“In his own house...” Matt shook his head in disbelief while large tears were constantly coming down his cheeks. “That snake took you to his own house, to his own bed… to prove to me that you are _his_ wife.” He laughed still crying. “I was such a fool. Idiot! After all, Ralph did warn me five years ago that you’ve been his before being anyone else’s… _his_ wife.”

 

“No… no! Matt, no!!! This is not true… please! Never say that!” Alex stood up and ran by his side. She threw herself on her knees in front of his chair. “Please!”

 

Matt reached for a curl and started playing with it. He looked at her through the tears and smiled softly:

 

“Beautiful… you’re a beautiful angel, you know that? The most beautiful woman I’ve seen in my life… the most special and the most interesting…” He whispered. “You are my treasure…”

 

“That is not true! That is not true…” Alex shook her head in disbelief. “I am horrible…”

 

“You are not horrible, my love. You made a mistake… people make mistakes. This does not make you horrible…” He leaned and pressed his lips on her forehead. “Never say that about yourself.”

 

“I don’t deserve you…”

 

“Maybe… why did you do it, Alex? What pushed you into it? I know you, my precious! And you have very strong opinions against adultery.” Matt moved his hand from her curls to her face and softly ran his fingers over her cheek. “You did something so inherently against your beliefs… why?”

 

“I don’t know…” She cried.

 

“I wasn’t really asking… it was more of a rhetorical question... Ultimately, I don’t need that answer. You do! You owe it to yourself. Who knows? Maybe his toxic ways found a way back to your brain. Maybe this has to do with some sort of manipulation. Or maybe you never actually stopped loving him…”

 

“That’s not true!” Alex exclaimed loudly. “I love you… that is not true!”

 

“I was merely giving suggestions. I honestly cannot help you with this. You need to look deep down inside you, my love. If you understand what happened, no one else needs to. Everything we do is for a reason… the heart is a very complicated mechanism. It plays tricks on us when we least expect it. It betrays us when we need it the most… I am sure you had your reasons for doing this. So don’t be too harsh with yourself. You know I always hate it when you are too harsh with yourself…”

 

Alex just started sobbing harder. “Oh, Matt…”

 

“It’s quite alright, sweetie… You don’t need to say anything.”

 

“Don’t leave me…” She begged.

 

“You know I have to…” Matt whispered.

 

“No. No. No. No. No… NO!”

 

“I already booked my flight to L.A. and I am due to leave around 5 p.m.” He confessed.

 

“Don’t leave me, Matt!” Alex stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. Matt stood up from the chair as well, in order to hug her properly.

 

“I miss Salome and Myra… I should go home for a bit.” He whispered while holding her close to his chest. “I need to get some fresh air! Put my life back on track. Find a new project to work on, now that this movie’s done…”

 

“You just got home! This is home! Matt don’t leave me!!!” Alex cried, melting on her knees from his arms. She wrapped her arms around his legs desperately and looked up to him:

 

“I beg of you…” 

 

“Alex…” Matt shook his head. He bent slowly, grabbed her from her waist and forced her to stand up. “Don’t do this please… Stand up!!! Don’t kill me more than you’ve already done in the past 24 hours.”

 

“Stay!” She looked deeply into his eyes, but she could barely see his figure due to her blurred vision.

 

“Alex, my darling… we should separate…” Matt whispered looking away towards the window. He could not bear seeing her hurting like that. 

 

“NO! No! No! We’ve been separated for months!” She squealed in pain. Matt pulled her closer to his chest in order to stop her from falling on her knees again. He could not stand seeing her doing that.  

 

“We were just apart, Alex… we were not separated. I mean… we should really separate… like properly separate for a while…”

 

“Please, please, please! PLEASE! I am begging you… please let me try to fix this… please, don’t leave me! It’s been a stupid, stupid, stupid mistake! You’re the only one I want, Matt! The only one I love! I will lose my mind if I lose you! I will die if I lose you!”

 

“Alex… please…” Matt silenced her with a kiss.

 

Alex pulled away from his kiss shaking her head and licking the tears off her own lips. “When… when… when you say separate… you mean… only a break?”

 

Matt took in a deep breath: “I really need to think about everything…”

 

“NO… please!!! A break is never a break!!! You will go to L.A. and you will call your lawyer as soon as you land! You think I am stupid???”

 

“Alex, no… please… I need time… I need time…” He tried to explain. 

 

“Stay…”

 

“I cannot stay… not when you have another month of filming with him…”

 

“I will quit the film!” She said desperately.

 

Matt smiled and kissed her again. Softly and lovingly: “That would be stupid, my love… you already messed up your personal life… don’t do the same with your career.”

 

“Fuck my career!! I don't care about it!!! Don’t leave me…” She begged resting her head on his shoulder.

 

Matt sighed resting his head on her curls and rubbing her back: “Alex… if I stay even a day more, we’ll surely divorce... Because I have my mind set on it... Because I really think we should... But if I go now… if I spend some time in L.A. and let the pain pass somehow, maybe… maybe I can persuade myself otherwise…”


	45. Once Upon a Time

The old woman opened her green blue eyes and smiled. The teenager returned the smile and passed her long slim fingers through the old woman’s grey curls.

 

“You scared us so much… never do it again, alright?” The teenager whispered with pearly tears forming into her eyes. She reached for a glass of water and moved it to the old woman’s lips.

 

“Why are you alone here?” The old woman asked barely audibly, before taking a couple of sips of water.

 

“I sent mom and dad to have lunch and rest for a bit. They spent the whole night here and they were quite famished and tired. I promised them I can handle you alone. And this is definitely _not_ an invitation to prove me wrong! Alright, Oma?”

 

The old woman chuckled and nodded. Her green blue eyes rested on the beautiful teenager. Oh, how grateful and proud she felt when looking at her granddaughter and her wild golden curls.

 

“How are you feeling, Oma?”

 

“Never felt better.” The old woman lied slowly regaining more strength in her voice. She offered the teenager a cheeky smile and tried to stand up from her lying position.

 

“No, no, no. What are you doing? You should rest!” The teenager urged her.

 

“Love, soon I will do nothing but rest… give me a break. Better help me with the remote. Where is that remote? Come on, put this stupid bed in a decent sitting position.”

 

“Definitely not! Do you want to get me in trouble?” The teenager laughed half-heartedly. “You are not moving! But… if you are sure you feel fine enough… we can do something nice together… something that would not require you to stand up from bed, because that is not allowed!!! You won’t have another crisis and die under my watch!!!” She whispered softly, desperately trying to conceal the pain which was breaking her soul.

 

“Alright…” The old woman smiled. “I will behave, I promise. And I would love to do something together… what do you have in mind…”

 

“Tell me our fairytale one… one…”

 

The teenager stopped and squeezed her eyes shut. A couple of tears escaped from the corners of her eyes. How could she say it? How could she say “ _one last time_ ”? The old woman looked at her with a sympathetic smile, guessing her thoughts all too well.

 

“One _more_ time! Please tell me our fairytale one _more_ time.” The teenager smiled and, leaning over the hospital bed, she kissed her grandma’s forehead.

 

“Oh, Ava my Ava…” The woman chuckled trying to ignore the tears which were leaving trails on her precious granddaughter’s cheeks. “Won’t you ever get bored of that silly old story?”

 

Ava laughed hard and shook her head making her golden curls bounce wildly around. How could she ever get bored? After all, she grew up hearing that story over and over and over again. It’s been her only bedtime story for as long as she could remember, because she never wanted to hear another one. Of course she knew the story by heart!!! She’s even written it down in a special notebook when she was about six… She offered that notebook to her grandma on her birthday and the woman absolutely adored it! That was _their_ story. Ava had no idea if her grandmother was aware, because they’ve never talked about it, but she knew what the fairlytale was really about. And that was why she loved it so much.    

 

“How can I ever get bored of it? You cannot be serious, Oma!!! It’s the most beautiful story I have ever heard. It taught me so many life lessons and I will value them for as long as I will live… You know how much I love it and you know how much I love hearing you telling it… no one does it better than you, Oma! You are the best!” Ava smiled and squeezed the old woman’s hand. 

 

_Once upon a time the Enchanted world was covered in Snow. There were no seasons. There was only one eternal winter…_

Alex began the story on a weak voice. As she was sitting on a chair next to her grandma’s bed, Ava leaned in and placed her head on her grandma’s belly. The old woman moved a trembling hand to the golden curls of her granddaughter and started caressing them tenderly. Hot tears started falling silently down her cheeks, but Alex struggled to maintain an even voice:

 

 _But one day the Sun decided to shine brighter and brighter and brighter with every passing moment! The Snow began to melt away and the whole Enchanted world discovered the beauty of _colours__ _. Nearly the whole Enchanted world._

_In a Land far, far away… In one small forgotten Land, the Snow decided to stay! Instead of melting away, every single snowflake magically turned into a seed. Oblivious, the Sun continued to kiss the forgotten meadows of this Land with its strong rays… naturally, expecting to see them exploding with colours as soon as the Snow disappeared! But they didn’t explode with colours. Oh, can you imagine how surprised the Sun was when the whole Land just got covered in white again??? The Sun could not believe its eyes! Millions and millions and millions of beautifully white flowers grew out of those snowflake seeds… because, and this is a secret that no one knows, my sweet, sweet child: but…_

Ava gasped in awe and held her breath. She loved that part the most. She snuggled closer to her grandma’s body. Alex smiled behind the tears, while still playing with her granddaughter’s hair.

_The white flowers are what happens to snow in spring!_

_Despite upsetting the Sun with their insubordination, the Land of white flowers lived happily for many, many years! One magical day, out of the most beautiful Lily, a baby girl was born. The baby girl was named Victoria, because the white flowers perceived her as the triumph of their survival._

_Victoria grew up in perfect harmony in that beautiful forgotten Land. The flowers, however, were aware that their beautiful daughter – whose golden curls resembled a halo, just like yours…_

“And yours…” Ava whispered smiling. She was grateful that, despite her weak voice, her grandmother was not skipping any of the small details which made the story telling _theirs_ and _theirs_ alone.  

 

“And mine…” Alex nodded, her heart melting of gratefulness and pain at the same time. 

_The flowers were aware that Victoria could not stay there forever! Sooner or later, that beautiful girl needed to go out in the real world! She needed to live her own life… among real people. No one can stay lost in a bubble of perfection for long! The Sun would have been outraged and would have probably punished the forgotten Land for yet another abomination…_

_Victoria knew she had to leave. And when the dreadful day came, she was more than prepared to venture into the unknown and build her own magical life far away from the Enchanted world._

_Before leaving, the most beautiful Lily gave her a big hug: “My child, my sweet, sweet child! You need to take great care of yourself.” The Lily said. “The real world is full of great and wonderful people, but it is equally full of evil and mischievous ones. May you always be surrounded by the former and protected from the latter!”_

_“Thank you, mother!” Victoria said caressing the white petals of the most beautiful Lily._

_“Our little Victoria…” A white Rose said. “We need to give you something. Something we’ve taken care of since the beginning of your life. Something we always held safe! But now, beware dear child, its protection is your responsibility!”_

_To her surprise, in that far away forgotten Land of white… the flowers offered Victoria a bright red precious stone!_

_“It is a red jewel! Why is it red?” Victoria asked petrified._

_The Lily laughed like a bell, before responding on a soft voice: “Indeed, it is a red jewel. In fact, it is the most precious and fragile jewel a human being can possess! And it is red, as a constant warning of how important its protection is!”_

_“It is a heart, Victoria dearest!” The Rose said. Victoria frowned and looked at the precious gem. A heart? It didn’t seem to be a heart!_

_“Indeed, it is a heart. Your heart!” The Lily whispered._

_“My heart?” Victoria exclaimed touching her chest. “How can it be my heart? I can feel my heart beating inside!”_

_“The heart that is beating inside your chest…”_

“… is the heart that keeps you alive! It’s nothing but an organ, just like your little finger!!! But this one, this red precious stone is your whole being! Your whole soul and your own… MAGIC!” Ava lifted her head for a second in order to grin victoriously at her grandma.

 

“You little bugger!!! I wanted to say it!!!” Alex rolled her eyes pretending to be annoyed.

 

“Sorry, Oma! That’s the best bit… go on...” The teenager smile, trying hard to ignore the tears on her grandma’s face. She then placed her head back on her grandma’s belly and snuggled close.

_“Magic… your own magic!” The Lily said._

_Victoria smiled unsure, while a shadow of doubt appeared in her green eyes: “But… I cannot take it with me! It looks so precious and frail! If I stumble and fall… I will drop it!!! What if I drop it on the ground? Won’t it shatter in a million pieces?”_

_“Oh, my child… but you are not supposed to take care of your heart alone. You are supposed to find someone eager to take care of your heart for you. Of course you will have to take care of that person’s heart in return… but you will see that taking care of another’s heart is so much easier than taking care of your own.”_

_“And how will I know when I found the right person?” Victoria asked even more confused._

_“If you are not scared and if you are always true to yourself, trust me, my precious Victoria… your heart will just choose its rightful owner.”_

_Victoria nodded and hugged the white flowers for a last time, before leaving the far away forgotten Land and venturing into the big wild world!_

_Her new life was a happy one and Victoria made many friends. She never worried much for the little red gem she faithfully carried with her, until one day the jewel started burning inside her pocket. Victoria took it out and looked at it! To her surprise, she noticed that the heart was glowing as if it was… alive!!! Victoria gasped and wondered why? She could not tell for a long while. But one day, she realized her heart was glowing brighter when He was around! Could it be?_

_She felt scared, terrified! Something in the pits of her stomach told her to run, but her heart kept glowing brighter in spite of common sense. One night, her good friend saw her being troubled and asked if something was wrong. Biting her lip, Victoria confessed wanting to offer her heart to the wonderful stranger that made it glow:_

_“Victoria!” The friend said with a loud gasp. “You cannot do something like that. Don’t you know that he is a fallen one?”_

_“A fallen one?” Victoria asked. “What is a fallen one?”_

_“Don’t you know what a fallen angel is? Can’t you see his black wings and little horns?”_

_“His what?” Victoria laughed shaking her head._

_“His black wings and his little horns! He is a Devil, Victoria… you cannot allow him to come whispering into your ear.”_

_“Oh, darling, darling! I thought you were serious!” Victoria shook her golden curls laughing._

_“Oh, but I am!” Her friend cried, her heart cringing. But Victoria did not believe her friend._

_One rainy day, Victoria went to His house and offered Him her heart. With the brightest smile she’s seen in her entire life, He offered her His in return! They hugged and they kissed and they promised to take care of each other’s hearts for the rest of eternity. Bowing down in front of her, He asked Victoria to dance with Him._

_And they danced and danced and dance for many years in a castle they called home._

_Everything was perfect… until one day!!! Then, Victoria noticed with the corner of her eye a pair of big dark wings! She shook her head and thought she imagined it. But after seeing them once, the black wings and little horns started making their presence noticeable more and more often. Victoria shook her head and closed her eyes! It could not be! She refused to see it! She kept her eyes closed for so long, that she did not even notice when He stole his own heart from her and gave it away to another._

_The poor Victoria was forced to open her eyes only when He slapped her with his black wings. Then, she could no longer ignore their presence. Her friend had been right all along. He was a Devil! Furious and hurt, Victoria tried to confront Him. But He only laughed at her. He did not even try to deny that he no longer cared. In fact, He immediately took Victoria’s jewel from the safety of His pocket:_

_“I do not need this anymore. You can have it back! Now catch!”_

_The Devil threw her heart towards her, but Victoria was too shocked to move. The gem fell on the ground at her feet and shattered into a million pieces…_

_Victoria cried and cried and cried herself to sleep for many bitter nights, holding to her chest a white velvet sachet which contained all the broken pieces of her heart. She decided she did not want to live in the real world anymore! No! She wanted back in her innocent paradise. She wanted to be back in the Enchanted world with the white flowers…_

_Despite trying as hard as possible, Victoria could not find her way back. She was ready to admit her defeat and give up. She had only one hope: that in the other world her spirit would find its way back to the white meadows…_

_But one night, in a dream, the most beautiful white Lily spoke to her: “My precious child! You cannot give in! Stand up and continue to live… it’s always alright to dance on your own for a while! You are my sweet, sweet child, and my petals are drooping at the thought of your sadness and despair! So let me tell you a secret: if it was a Devil who ruined your heart, well… find an Angel to mend it! Go on, my child! Find your true Angel. I sent him from our Land for you. Find him and he will always guard you… above and despite all!”_

_When Victoria woke up, the dream was still very vivid in her mind. She decided to sail away, over the hills and over the seas, always hoping to find her Angel sent to her by the white flowers. But as the years passed… she lost all hope. She was growing old and she was growing tired. She was growing so old and she was growing so tired that she completely forgot to keep on looking for her Angel. And when her Angel came into her life, she did not recognize him._

_The Angel kept on telling her who he was. He always bought to her the most wonderful white flowers, and yet Victoria laughed and laughed, never once believing his words. Despite her rejections and her disbelief, the Angel never lost hope. He knew he was sent from the Enchanted world in order to give Victoria her happy ending… and he was not about to give up._

_One faithful autumn night, the Devil return into Victoria’s life. He attacked her when she was weak and it was the Angel who saved her! Victoria was so thankful that she decided to allow the Angel to have a look inside her white velvet sachet._

_“I will fix it for you.” The Angel said whit his soft voice while looking at the million shattered pieces of her heart. Victoria laughed at him once more:_

_“No one can fix it, don’t be naïve.”_

_“I can fix it.” The Angel smiled cheekily. He knew well that no matter how shattered a heart might be, there is always someone who can fix it. And the Angel was determined to prove it to Victoria. He put his hand into his pocket and took out a precious stone. Holding it in his palm, he offered it to Victoria: “Take this… Just give it a little try. All you have to do is place my heart in your little sachet and I promise to you that yours will be fixed in no time.”_

_“You are making little sense.” Victoria sighed._

_The Angel smiled sweetly and reached for the sachet. Despite Victoria’s protests, the Angel put his heart next to the million shattered pieces of hers._

_“One day… you will see! Just keep the sachet safe… and dance with me until then.”_

_Unable to refuse the kind, but deluded man, Victoria accepted to dance with him. She kept on rolling her eyes for a while, but she eventually learnt to enjoy it. She learnt to give him a chance. And the more she danced, the more she believed that her silly partner was indeed the Saviour sent to her from afar._

_And they danced and danced and dance for a few years in a castle they called home._

_Victoria never noticed that the Devil, blinded by an obsessive jealousy, started wandering around her new home. She saw him once, or twice… but she never fully understood his hidden intentions. Naivety had long been an important trait of Victoria’s personality. When her heart was shattered in a million pieces and kept into a velvet sachet, Victoria knew how to be avoid the Devil and hide from Him. But as her heart was carefully repaired by the Angel, Victoria became more eager to offer Him her forgiveness. In her naivety, she thought that her forgiveness would bring their sad story to a final closure._

_But the Devil would have none of it, because a Devil never gives up. Remember my child, it’s you who has to learn when to stop… because He won’t._

Alex closed her eyes in order not to lose her consciousness. She felt her inside burning. With a hand still caressing Ava’s curls, Alex moved her other hand to her mouth and wiped away the blood from her lips.

 

_Never give a Devil a second chance, because He will take it not in order to mend the past, but in order to repeat it. Victoria never suspected it… and deep down she felt flattered that her Devil once again paid attention to her. She’s always thought naively about the attention she was receiving. But her Angel was not pleased at all with the situation. Her Angel knew the truth and feared it all along. The truth weighed heavily on his white wings and it caused the poor Angel to believe less and less and less in his power of ever helping Victoria…_

_One day, the Angel whispered: “My precious.” Because that’s how the Angel called her. “I do not doubt that you can care for both your heart and mine… but wouldn’t it be fairer if you allowed me for once to take yours for myself?”_

_“But darling.” Because that’s how Victoria called him. “My heart is nothing but a million broken pieces and you are so young and unexperienced! I am afraid you will lose some of them. And then, what will I do when my heart becomes incomplete?”_

_“My precious… didn’t I prove to you that I would care for your heart no matter the cost? And then, you are wrong! Your heart’s no longer shattered in a million pieces. That’s been long fixed, as I promised you.”_

_Victoria shook her head in disbelief. Truth was, that she’s always find it hard to believe in him. She enjoyed dancing with him in a place they called home… but the shadow of her past was stronger than the brightness of her present._

_“Just open it… and have a look.” The Angel begged her. Victoria sighed, but indeed opened the sachet to check. To her unbelievable surprise, inside her white velvet sachet, she saw two hearts glowing brighter than ever – thankful and blessed to be together, where they belonged._

_With a smile brighter than the Sun who melted all the Snow from the Enchanted lands, Victoria took the two little gems into one of her small palms. She stepped closer to the Angel, ready to offer him what had rightfully been his from the beginning of time: her heart._

_A knock on the door stopped her tracks. The Angel shook his head begging her with teary eyes not to get distracted by distant whispers._

_Victoria nodded, laughed and stepped even closer to the Angel. Another knock on the door had her startled. She turned her head towards the door. Once again, the Angel shook his head and begged her with teary eyes not to get distracted by distant whispers._

_Victoria nodded, laughed and wrapped her arms around her Angel. All while the knocking intensified. She told herself that she had no intention of getting distracted by distant whispers, but in all fairness the obsessive knocking was tickling her vanity, despite becoming annoying._

_“I’ll be back in a moment.” Victoria whispered kissing her Angel._

_“Don’t…” He whispered holding her hand and begging her not to leave._

_“I will just see who’s knocking so hard on our door and I will kindly invite them to leave us alone…”_

_“Victoria… it’s no one but the Devil whispering into your ear. Don’t leave with both our hearts to open that door. Give me yours… prove it to me that you trust me and you want to be my companion… trust and companionship… the only way in which our dance will never end.”_

_“Oh, darling, daring! I’ve taken care of both our hearts for so long… I am not about to stumble and fall now.”_

“I hate this part…” Ava whispered squeezing her eyes shut.

 

Alex forced herself to open her eyes, but she was too weak to do it. She sucked on her lips feeling how two streams of blood were falling from the corners of her mouth down towards her neck. She tried to breathe in softly, not to scare her granddaughter, but she knew all too well that in a few short moments her lungs would give up on her and she would no longer be able to breathe.

 

_“Victoria… don’t break them. Don’t open that door.” Her Angel begged. “Sink or swim…”_

“Sink or swim???” Ava frowned at the never heard before line. She lifted her head in order to look at her grandmother and asked her to explain what 'sink or swim' meant. “OMA!” The teenager squealed frightened at the sight. She’s been so focused on the story she loved that she did not realize how her grandmother’s voice had become progressively weaker.

 

Alex opened her eyes wide and struggled to fill her lungs with air. She started coughing hard, throwing up more and more blood. Ava burst into tears and started pressing desperately the red button which was summoning the medical personnel. She then hurried to help her grandmother lie on one side, so she would not choke in her own blood.

 

“Oma… Oma don’t do this to me! You promised! You promised!!!” The teenager cried desperately mentally cursing herself for suggesting to her parents to leave and have lunch. She was just a useless child! Unable to do even as little as to just stay put and guard her grandmother!!! She’s made her tired with the stupid story and now this was happening!

 

“Trust… and comp...” Alex whispered through her spasms, while hearing as weak as an echo how the doors of her private ward slammed open. “… Matt… call… Ma...” Was all she could say before everything faded away around her and Ava was pushed out the room.

 

She remembered it well. She remembered as clearly as the daylight when _he_ asked her: “ _Why did you do it, Alex? What pushed you into it? You did something so inherently against your beliefs… why?”_

 

Because… _I love you._ That is exactly what the fairytale Victoria says after being pushed by the Devil into dropping both gems on the cold hard ground.

 

 _I love you… I love you… I love you…_ The mantra started spinning inside her foggy head.

 

“ _Love is an ephemeral feeling! One can never properly grasp its meaning… Love changes so fast! It has so many faces, so many sides, so many angles. It’s always a lottery with love… But once you settle in and settle down, the passion inevitably vanishes. Love changes into other feelings - deeper feelings love could never aspire to be! If there is no trust and no feeling of companionship… then what will your relationship stand upon…”_ She heard him saying from afar. Like a dream, or the memory of a dream. Their long forgotten first date.

 

Trust and companionship. Not love. She’s given him her love from the first day their eyes met, although she seldom admitted it even to herself. But despite their countless attempts and struggles, she’s never managed to fully trust him with her life. She’s never managed to see him as her companion. And that was why she did it. She’s never told him the real reason, because he always said that as long as she understood what happened, no one else needed to! Oh, and she did understand! She understood it so well that she's spent her entire life after that mending her mistake.  

 

But he needed to know… she needed him to know why… if only her body would allow her to wake up one last time... make sure he knows... to make sure he knows that... 

 

And her mind turned blank. 

 

Thrown out of the ward, Ava fell on her knees on the grow, sobbing her soul out. She barely managed, with her trembling hands, to take her phone out of her pocket in order to dial a well-known number. To her relief, he responded immediately:

 

_“Hello, Poppet-two. Everything alright?”_

“Matty… Oma’s dying! Come fast… come here!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *from her hiding snake hole* 
> 
> I mentioned in a comment a while ago that this chapter's been written for more than a year now. This chapter was at the heart of this fic from the very beginning of the plot... and honestly, I could not wait to post it, despite not being a happy one. I hope you enjoyed reading it, despite everything. I do apologize for any mistakes I still have. I read this chapter a lot of times, but I always forget to pay attention on my grammar. I don't have the strength to look over it again... so don't blame me too much for potential mistakes. 
> 
> (P.S. This is not the end, I am aware that yous are still not sure whether they spent their lives together or not. Feel free to guess... I would love to hear your speculations about what happened in the past 30 years or so.)


	46. One day, baby...

It was probably the fourth time when he was reading that page, and it still made no sense. Absolutely no sense! He could not understand the meaning of the words he was reading; to memorize them would have been humanly impossible. Matt threw the script on his desk and removed his reading glasses, putting them aside. He sighed and covered his face with his palms. What was he doing? What was he doing home, in his study room? Why was he reading for work when he had no news of her? He checked his phone; still no missed calls. And that was probably a good sign – Matt tried to convince himself.

 

He looked towards the window and smiled. The sun was shining so brightly. Finally, it was summer again! That was great. He loved summers... Well, maybe except that summer, all those years ago. That was a pretty terrible summer…

 

_Mid May 2018_

_Matt thanked the therapist and closed the door behind him. She was a nice woman and she really did her best to understand what he was going through and to support him. Well, surely, she merely did her job, but she did help a lot… well, sort of helped… actually, she did not really help at all… but it was merely his third time there. Right? Maybe she would start helping eventually… and then he would be fine! and all would be fine! all the damage fixed and he could run back to his wife. Because he loved her. Really! And he could get over it. He could forgive her and they could move on! The therapist would help him to… she had to make it right…_

_Matt was so lost in his thoughts that he did not see the young woman who was standing like a white ghost in the middle of the clinic’s hallway. He bumped into her so hard, that the poor woman lost her balance and dropped the folder she was holding in her arms all over the floor._

_“Oh, no! Sorry… sorry… so, so sorry!” Matt apologized immediately._

_“It’s ok…” She whispered barely audibly and dropped to her knees in order to gather the papers which were scattered everywhere. Matt did the same:_

_“Here… let me help, please. It’s the least I can do.” He offered. With a weak smile, Matt handed her the pages he managed to collect. She just nodded with a faint attempt at a smile, but said nothing._

_Their eyes met and Matt seemed to actually see her, for the first time, since clumsily bumping into her. There was something about that woman, something he could not really put his finger on. Matt frowned softly as his eyes started to analyse her carefully. She was young – terribly young; maybe in her mid-twenties, if not even younger. She was also quite small, he noticed; cute and petite. And she had her black hair cut short; very short; pixie short. He could not get rid of the feeling that her hair shouldn’t have been that short. And she was dressed completely in black. That shouldn’t have been like that either._

_Her_ _hazel eyes pierced right through his soul._

_“Do… do I know you?” Matt whispered swallowing hard._

_“Maybe…” She lifted her shoulders while standing up. Matt promptly did the same. Without realizing, he kept on staring right at her. Then he shook his head, blushing:_

_“I am so sorry!!! I kept on staring at you. That is a horrible thing to do… but… but you look oddly familiar…”_

_“Oddly familiar…” She repeated with a sad smile._

_Matt didn’t get the chance to ask her anything else, because the therapist opened the door to her cabinet once more and invited the young woman in:_

_“Mrs. Smith… you can come in now.” The therapist said with a smile. The young woman just nodded and made her way inside the counselling room, while Matt frowned confused. Before the door got fully closed, he heard the therapist’s mild voice again:_

_“Mrs. Smith… I see you’re still wearing only black…”_

_“I am not ready to let go yet…” The young woman whispered._

_“All in good time… we’ll get there…”_

_Matt turned around and left as quickly as possible. He had no right to stay there like a moron and listen in to a random person’s problems._

_Pushing the incident away from his mind, Matt made his way to Arthur and Karen’s house. He still owed them the full story of what had happened between him and Alex. Karen allowed him ten days of muffled silence, but she was already reaching the limits of her patience._

_“I cannot believe this happened…” Arthur whispered._

_“Me neither…” Karen said shaking her head. “I mean, I know what I said… but I suppose I never actually believed it could actually happen… oh, Matt…”_

_Matt sighed and looked at the twins who were playing on the carpet, not too far away from the sofa on which the three dismayed friends were sitting. He felt his heart breaking into a million pieces._

_“You guys are so lucky…” Matt whispered still looking at the ginger girls who, for once, were playing in perfect harmony. “I’ve always wanted this…” Arthur smiled softly, but Karen only sighed and looked down. “I’ve always wanted this… but gave it all up for her. In vain.”_

_“It wasn’t in vain, Matt…” Arthur whispered._

_“It was… it was in vain. And I always knew it… it was only a matter of time! We… we’ve always been only a matter of time. Despite what everyone might think… I’ve always known she would be the one to push us off the cliff. Because she’s always been so insecure and hurt… and I just could not be good enough to make her realize that she is not damaged, that she is perfect the way she is, that I want her the way she is… that I do not care about anything and anyone else, but her. That I do not care about giving up everything else for her! I did it fully heartedly! I did it out of love, and I gave it all… But she’s never trusted me… she thinks I don’t know it… but I do know it very well!!! She’s never allowed herself to trust me, because she’s never allowing herself to trust anyone!” Matt let his head drop into a palm. Karen silently stood up and walked to the bar in order to pour three glasses of scotch._

_“Her whole life Alex has expected and dreamt of an absolute love… an absolute feeling… something so outright that nothing else could feel real. And you know what? It never did. Nothing ever felt real for her. She can sometimes be so naïve… she could not realize that two people can simply be enough for one another!!! That two people can have it all while having nothing else but each other. That two people can be truthful to one another and perfect for one another even without a faultless and unrealistic expectation of a feeling… I don’t even know if she understands how much I loved her! How much I still love her! Because for me, what I felt for her… what I feel… it’s absolute! And I cannot go higher than that! And I never will! She is the love of my life, but she cannot understand it! No… she always needed safety nets, extra assurances…” Matt looked at the twins. God, they were absolutely adorable. “I’ve always wanted children… I wouldn’t have minded a surrogate, as Alex suggested. Well, I would have minded a surrogate… but not quite as much as I made Alex believe. But the truth was that I could not allow us to have children for the wrong reasons… because hers were wrong reasons! I did not want my children to be merely another of her assurances that a broken marriage can be kept together… Alex had a little, read massive, middle age crisis when you got pregnant and she realized once again how different our relationship was from yours. She wanted to recreate your marriage in ours out of fear that we would break… because for her, we’ve always been broken! And indeed, she was right. We were broken… because we were weak… We’ve been weak all along! And we allowed that devil to play with our minds. I allowed him to make me believe I will always be second best! I played his game, and I was never even aware of the fact that I was playing his game… I was never aware of the fact that he was always in the back of my mind, eating on my sanity and on my trust both in her and in myself…”_

_Karen stood there with tears in her eyes. With a trembling hand, she offered Matt his glass of scotch. Matt took it with a nod of his head._

_“I tried… I failed… and it’s unfair to accuse Fiennes of my failure. Because ultimately, it’s mine.”_

_“Don’t see it as a failure, mate… you did not fail… you just… you couldn’t bridge the gap between your world and hers... until now, at least.” Arthur sighed taking his own glass from his wife’s hand. “Because the gap between your worlds has always been there… and making your lives synchronize is indeed a Herculean task…”_

_“What will you two do now?” Karen asked sitting back down on the sofa._

_“What would you two do? If you were me…”_

_“Mate…”_

_“Be honest, Arthur.” Matt begged._

_“I…” Arthur whispered and looked at Karen. She looked right back into his eyes and they both nodded, knowing all too well that they were on the same page. “I would divorce…”_

_“So would I…” Karen echoed._

_“Yeah… so would I…” Matt whispered with big tears rolling off his face._

_Arthur swallowed: “But don’t take our word for it. You need to be sure…”_

_“I’ve always been sure of it… I just… I was too scared to admit it to myself and too weak to admit it to her. I know the divorce will break her heart… dammit, it will break mine too…”_

_Karen raised her glass: “That’s life, mah’ boys! Sometimes it takes more than it gives. Let’s drink for that. I’ll call the sitter and… we should go out and get shitfaced! Super shitfaced!”_

_“Somewhere discrete… I have a feeling I will cry loads…” Matt laughed clinging his glass with Arthur’s and Karen’s before downing it._

_“We’re all going to cry loads… that’s what friends are for.” Karen sighed downing her glass._

Matt swallowed hard and stood up from his desk. He walked to the window and looked outside. That summer of 2018 was more than three decades behind him. So many things have happened to the world and to him in the meantime. But that summer of 2018 was still very fresh in his mind. And that night… man, that night out with Karen and Arthur’s been a very bad night; he’s never been drunker in his entire life; he’s never cried more in his entire life. But he stood firm behind his decision to divorce. It was the thing to do. Maybe not the right thing to do… but definitely the only thing to do!

 

He returned to his desk and sat down on his comfy chair. With trembling hands, he reached for his phone. No missed calls. He closed his eyes trying to push his memories back into his head and preferring to focus on the present. He dialled Salome’s number and waited, in vain, for her to pick up. The third time he was sent to voicemail, he just rolled his eyes:

 

“Poppet, it’s Matt… I don’t want to pester you too much, I know you are not having a terribly good day, but please… please… please… give me a call when you get this. I just want to know if she woke up. I will come to the hospital at 6 p.m., as always, but I just need to know she’s stabilized… Love you. Stay strong and please call me as soon as you get the chance.”

 

Matt sighed and put his phone on the desk. He retrieved his script and decided to read some more. With his old reading glasses on, he tried to read that same damned again. Pointless attempt. His mind would not let him concentrate, instead it just wandered around the familiar study room until it focused on a framed picture on the desk. Matt reached for the picture and smiled at it. A couple of wonderfully hazel eyes looked back at him; the goodness in them sent waves of calm and gratefulness in his entire body. God she was so beautiful.

 

“Oh, what would I have done without you in my life…” Matt whispered.

 

_August 2018_

_Matt walked the busy street feeling lonelier than ever. His shoulders were fallen and his eyes were looking down and he just didn’t know what to do. The pain he was feeling in his chest was tearing his soul apart and… maybe he needed a strong coffee. He looked up and saw that he was conveniently standing right across the road from one of L.A.’s cosiest café’s. With a sigh, Matt ventured to cross the street, honestly hoping that a car would just hit him and spare him from his misery._

_But it did not happen. He made it safely inside of the café, where the most dangerous thing he was exposed to was a queue of five people. Matt waited patiently for his turn; his head always down. He really wanted that coffee, though. After ordering his take-away latte, he left the café in a hurry. He desperately needed that coffee, but he most certainly did not need to have any people around. He walked out the café, but before he could take another step away from it, he saw her through the window. She was sipping from her coffee, while working on her laptop. She seemed very focused._

_“Mind if I sit?” His question surprised him even more than it surprised her. Matt was standing next to the young woman’s table, without having the slightest idea when he decided to go back inside the café and creepily approach a stranger._

_“Sure. I was… in fact, expecting you.” She smiled pointing politely to the chair across from her. Matt sat down and put the paper cup in front of him. The woman smiled faintly and moved her laptop slightly to the left, closing it._

_“You were expecting me? But… I just decided to come in. I had no idea that I would come to have coffee, I did not plan this…” Matt said reluctantly._

_“I was expecting you… generally, not necessarily right now.” The woman tried to explain herself._

_“I don’t understand…” He sighed._

_“It’s alright, me neither.”_

_“You are very strange. What are you doing here?” Matt asked frowning upon her laptop._

_“I am writing…” She saw him staring at her confused, so she added: “I am a writer… that’s what I do for a living. I write stuff and have them published.”_

_“Have I read anything of yours?” He smiled._

_“I don’t know. Have you?” The woman chuckled lifting her coffee mug to her lips. Matt noticed that despite being dressed completely in black, her nails were hysterically pink._

_“I… well, I don’t know your name! So I don’t know if I read your stuff or not…”_

_“Mariah Smith.”_

_“Matt Smith…”_

_Mariah nodded her head and smiled: “Nice to finally meet you, Matthew.”_

_“I do know you… don’t I?” He nodded as well._

_Mariah laughed: “Yes, we apparently have the same therapist. You bumped into me a couple of months ago and made me drop my novel all over the floor…”_

_“Sorry… I do that. Bump into people… make them drop stuff or spill my coffees on them…” Matt blushed._

_“That’s quite alright, as long as you stay away from my laptop…” She frowned._

_Matt attempted to smile, but he could not. “I’ve told you back then… that you look oddly familiar. Have we met before? I know we have… but I cannot remember when…”_

_“Yes, I think we’ve met before.” She paused and looked through the window for several long seconds, before looking back at him: “At our wedding… we met at our wedding.” She whispered._

_Matt gasped. He knew that the right question to ask himself was whether this Mariah Smith, whom he met at a therapist, was sane at all! Forget the right question to ask. What about the right thing to do? Which was to stand up and leave at once!!! But strangely enough, he could not. Because Mariah was right, they did meet at their wedding… well, wedding **s**_.

_“You… it’s you! The pink bride with mermaid blue hair… blowing in the wind.” Matt whispered looking at her short black hair. He instantly remembered how that short hair of hers felt so wrong to him the previous time they met. And now he knew why! Because her hair was meant to be long and colourful. And her clothes were meant to be the same, not black. “What happened to you…”_

_“My husband died… one year ago… today.”_

_“Oh, heaven… I am so sorry…” Matt sighed reaching for her hand. Mariah placed her petite hand into his. Matt squeezed it softly and could not stop thinking that her hand felt as small and frail as it looked.  “How did it happen?” He heard himself asking despite not actually knowing the woman at all._

_“Daniel…” She whispered but then she had to clear her voice. “We’ve been through hell and back together our whole life. He’s been my best friend since we were children, but he’s always been very troubled and… a ginormous trouble!” She smiled, but her smile faded almost immediately. “He was a heroin addict by the time he turned 16 and we battled it together for years. He had no reason to be like that… we’ve been happy children, growing up with loving families, in nice houses, playing outside. But… he’s always had to battle some terrible demons he had inside. The drugs eventually got the best of him, when he became a teenager. I’ve always trusted that he was strong enough to get over it… to win his fight with those damned drugs, and even to win the fight with his own demons. And I was right! He was strong enough to do it!!! It took us some good years, but he managed… He said I was his guardian angel his own life. He said I was his strength. And I know I was! And we did it! And when we did it we got marred!” She smiled sweetly and Matt could not stop thinking of how proud her eyes looked. And then it all changed within less than a second. Her eyes turned sad and she whispered in a rush: “… then he got cancer and he died. Two months. Just like that. Last summer was a pretty bad summer.” Mariah sighed, but then she hurried to return his question before he got the chance to ask anything else: “That’s my sad story in a nutshell. What’s yours?”_

_“My divorce got finalized today. I am officially divorced… how about that?” Matt sighed._

_“Funny how life works… isn’t it? We got married on the same day and our marriages ended on the same day, albeit one year apart but still…”_

_“Funny wouldn’t exactly be my word of choice… but you’re the writer.” Matt chuckled sadly. “I love the pink nails though… they remind me of the first time I saw you. One hell of a happy pink bride running on the beach and playing tag…”_

_“Those days are quite behind me…” Mariah smiled sadly._

_“I know you’ve probably heard this from our therapist a lot… but, you’re too young to spend your whole life in black. How old are you? You don’t seem older than 25. The black clothes and short hair do not suit your wonderful hazel eyes. I liked your blue long hair and your pink dress! And I like your laughter… and your joy and happiness at being alive and running free. I know we actually had no more than a couple of seconds on that beach but… as I told you, you look oddly familiar.”_

_“I am 26… and don’t you lecture me on how to be happy again when your own eyes are red of crying.” Mariah said sadly._

_“Early days for me. You’ve had a year already…”_

_“You’re a divorcee. I’m a widow. Sometimes love is not enough. Other times, life isn’t. Unlike me, you can always go back to her if you want to…”_

_“But I don’t want to… I am way more interested in figuring out where we have met before.” Matt smiled softly._

_Mariah smiled too, blushing softly: “I don’t know. Maybe in another life?”_

_“That is quite possible. I have to admit that I don’t remember how our dinners went there… but… if you are free one of these days maybe you could help me refresh my memory…” Matt tried to flirt._

_“Oh Matthew, don’t try too hard. I’ve already told you that I expected you to show up so… why not.”_

With tears running down his cheeks Matt moved the framed picture to his lips and kissed it. He could no longer imagine life without her. She was his healer, as he was hers. They’ve healed each other and lived a happy life together, as they’ve always been meant to.

 

His phone startled Matt from his trip down the memory lane. Putting the picture with his sweet Mariah back on the desk, Matt picked his phone and hurried to answer:

 

“Hello, Poppet-two. Everything alright?” He asked with a knot in his throat and his heart pounding hard.

_“Matty… Oma’s dying! Come fast… come here!”_

 

“What?”

 

_“She had another crisis and she cannot breathe and she is throwing up blood and… did mom call you yesterday? Did she tell you about how bad Oma was yesterday, some couple of hours after you left?”_ The teenager asked through sobs.

 

“Yes… yes she did call me. But Ava, your Oma will be fine. She is a strong woman. She will get through this.” Matt tried to assure the desperate girl. He stood up from his desk and started pacing his study room.

 

_“Matty, you know this is not true… you know this is not true!!! Stop pretending everything will be fine!!! You know it won’t!!! You know it’s a matter of days, of hours… you know!!! You know better than anyone! You’re the one who knew all along! Oma’s told no one else but you! You know she won’t get better! Stop lying, stop lying to me!”_

 

“I’m on my way… where’s your mother?” Matt sighed.

 

_“She’s having lunch with dad… she does not know yet. Grandma made me call you first… she needs you here…”_

 

“Call your mom and I will be there as soon as possible…”

 

Matt put the phone in his pocket with trembling hands. Alex’s never asked for him before. She’s never asked for him before because she knew he would go visit her every day at 6 p.m. The thought that she felt so bad she could not wait until his visit broke Matt’s heart. He covered his face in his palms and started crying. He felt paralyzed. He could not move. Deep down he knew he had to get going, but his body simply refused to do it.

 

He was probably crying for some good five minutes when the door opened softly and Mariah walked in: “Matthew, would you prefer having fish or chicken for dinn… Matthew!” She hurried by his side and wrapped her arms around him.

 

“Alex…” It was all he could say while desperately clinging onto the woman he spent his whole life with.

 

“Oh, no… oh, no…” Mariah whispered tightening her hold on him. “Oh, Matthew… oh… did she…”

 

Matt shook his head: “She called for me…”

 

Mariah broke the embrace and looked at him: “You can do this Matthew. I know you feel you cannot, but you can! And you have to do it… and you have to be strong for both of you. She is your best friend! You have to be there for her…”

 

“I know… I know…” Matt nodded wiping away his tears.

 

“Come on! Go and have a quick shower. Put something nice on, and a bow tie… you know how Alex loves that!” Mariah smiled while softly kissing his cheek.

 

Matt nodded and mechanically walked past Mariah and up to their bathroom to shower. Time felt frozen. Matt could not feel it passing and, despite knowing he was in a hurry, he felt how he was moving as slowly as a snail. When he came out the shower, Mariah had prepared an outfit for him and left it on the bed. Without saying anything, he put on the clothes she suggested. Matt tried to tie his bow tie, but his hands were trembling too much.

 

“You’re so handsome, Matthew.” Mariah whispered entering the bedroom and smiling sweetly at him. She walked to him and tied the bow tie for him.

 

“Thank you…” Matt said sighing.

 

“One more thing…” It was only then that Matt noticed she was holding a velvet blue jewellery sachet in her hand. With her small delicate hands, she emptied the sachet in her own palm. Three rings fell of it: two wedding bands and his mother’s old engagement ring. “Here… put your ring on…”

 

“Mariah…” Matt whispered shaking his head.

 

“We’re soul mates, Matthew, but she’s the love of your life… and she’s your wife. She’s always been and always will be your only wife…”

 

“Because you never wanted to marry me…” He sighed.

 

“We are companions through this life. I don’t need a ring on my finger to know that. But what you and Alex share, goes beyond this life. Go and show her you still remember how special your connection is. These will be your last moments with her… do it right.” Mariah whispered with small tears forming in her eyes. Matt wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest:

 

“Oh, Mariah… without you… I would have never had the strength to live this long.”

 

“I know… likewise.” She whispered pressing her lips on his. Then she looked at him with those hazel eyes he was addicted to and smiled: “Come on… go to your wife, she’s waiting for you. Give her the rings back… and tell her she shouldn’t be scared, that you will go home to her one day. And then you will live happily together for the rest of forever. And also tell her to say hi to Daniel from me.”

 

Matt smiled and took the rings from Mariah’s palm. He put his wedding band on his finger and he put Alex’s wedding band and engagement ring back in the sachet, before pocketing it.

 

“Flowers…” Matt whispered.

 

“Dealt with already.” Mariah smiled. “I sent Henry to your favourite flower shop to buy a nice bouquet of white roses and lilies. You should pick him from there and go to the hospital.”

 

Matt frowned: “I am not taking Henry to the hospital with me.”

 

“Well, you will have to.” Mariah said on a mild, but assertive voice.  

 

“No way! I know he cares about Alex very, very much… but I would rather spare him the heartbreak of… you know… definitely not!” Matt said categorically.

 

“Matthew, Henry indeed cares a lot about Alex… but he’s not going there only for her. There is someone else who needs him there.” Mariah shook her head at him.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Go Matthew, you’re in a hurry, remember?” Mariah rushed him.

 

“Ava!” Matt exclaimed with his eyes widening.

 

“And the penny drops! Go!” Mariah smiled.

 

“Does Alex know about this?” Matt frowned.

 

“I am pretty sure everyone with eyes knows, my dear. But feel free to have a word with Alex if you so feel like.” Mariah chuckled amused and pushed him out of the room. 

 

“My son and Alex’s granddaughter? As if I wasn’t having a horrible day already…”      


	47. We'll be old...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Not dead. Back. Big surprise. Never mind." (Missy) 
> 
> Hello sweeties! 
> 
> So terribly sorry for the long absence. I had a long and busy and not entirely pleasant summer, which thanks all heavens is over now! Real life is not treating me nicely, but what can one do? #strugglingtoadult 
> 
> I hope that you will enjoy (sort of) this chapter and I hope I will post the next ones soon! 
> 
> Please let me know how you feel about this chapter. Xx 
> 
> P.S. Please proceed with caution all sorts of triggers in this chapter. Honestly a heavy chapter, be careful.  
> P.P.S. Sorry for any typos or grammar mistakes. I did not have the time and the energy to proofread the chapter.

“Alex… Alex… Alex… Can you hear me?”  

_Yes, she could hear people calling her name. Or she thought she could hear people calling her name. Were they indeed calling her name? She wanted to explore…_

“Ms. Kingston… more adrenaline, fast! We’re losing her. Alex… Alex…”

_Alex stopped her tracks as everything around her exploded violently into a million of colours. She covered her eyes with her hands, but she could still see those aggressive colours everywhere! Oh, heaven what was happening? Her whole body was shaking as if she was high. Her blood was boiling and her heart beating fast… annoyingly fast. Everything was just too much! Enough! That was enough! Alex squeezed her eyes shut, willing away all the colours and all the sounds._

_When she opened her eyes she was once again all alone, standing in the middle of a long white corridor. That was better, she thought – back where she wanted to be. The corridor was simply beautiful and she had to explore it! she wanted to explore it! With a curious smile, Alex started walking down the long white path. It seemed endless, especially because there were no windows or doors around. Nothing ahead and nothing behind, just the endless white corridor. Intriguing. She started walking and walking and walking._

_The more she walked, the more her enthusiasm drained. Alex shook her head in disbelief. What was the purpose of all this? Where was she going? There was nothing to explore! She stopped her tracks in order to analyse her situation: her body felt as light as a snowflake… but her heart was heavy as a stone._

_Alex touched her heart with a hand. She could not feel it beating. She could feel it hurting, but not beating. It hurt. It hurt so much. Her heart hurt! Alex looked down towards where her hand was pressed over her silent heart. Suddenly, Alex’s eyes doubled in size! Her hand was glowing!_

_Surprised, Alex forgot about the heartache. She removed her hand from her heart and brought it in front of her eyes. She then did the same with the other hand. Yellow rays were irradiating out of them both, making them incredibly bright. It was as if her hands were made out of sun! And her fingernails were painted in the most hysterical shade of yellow polish. Alex shook her head in disapproval. What was with that horrendous colour on her nails?_

_“Matt… are you here?” Alex whispered, but no answer came. “I asked Ava to call you…” Nothing. “I want us to talk…” Nothing._

_Alex sighed and decided to keep on walking down the white corridor. After all, there was nothing else to do. Slowly, slowly, one step after another. It felt as if she was not moving at all… the corridor was endless! Alex could not stop thinking that the corridor looked weird without windows and doors._

_“Why are there no doors? Hello… can anyone hear me? Matthew… are you here? Come on! I know Ava phoned you…” Alex stopped her tracks and waited for a reply. None came. She sighed. She felt tired and she did not want to walk aimlessly… she wanted to relax… to go to the beach! Oh, how she wanted to go to the beach…_

_The second she uttered her wish, a door appeared several meters in front of her. Alex frowned in disbelief. What sort of sorcery was that? She thought while hurrying towards the door. As she pressed the handle, she found herself stepping onto sand. Alex looked down at her bare feet. She sighed when she discovered the nails of her toes painted in the same stupid shade of yellow polish._

_Alex did not have much time to spare on her yellow nail polish. Out of nowhere, Matt just walked past her, stealing her full attention._

_“Matthew…” Alex whispered, but he did not seem to hear her. Matt walked towards the sea with a smile so bright he could light up the evening sky. Alex smiled. Heaven, he looked so happy! She took the decision to follow him. And she did. She dragged her bare and old feet through the sand and in several short seconds she was standing next to him, looking into the horizon._

_“Matt…” Alex whispered, but he did not react. “We need to talk…”_

_“Catch her! Catch her!” Someone shouted. Both Alex and Matt looked to their left._ _Along the coastline, a young woman dressed in a hysterically pink wedding dress was running towards them. She was laughing and running, and running and laughing…_

_“Mariah…” Alex whispered and cracked a wide smile._

_“Catch her!” A young man with a water pistol shouted. That very second, Matt instinctively caught the young girl’s arm._

_Alex did not seem to notice, as her attention was drawn to the man with the water pistol: “Daniel?” She asked unsure._

_Surprisingly, the man stopped running and looked at her. “Alex! I didn’t expect to see you here!”_

_“Where… where am I?” Alex asked walking towards him, while Matt and Mariah remained frozen in time._

_“Just somewhere on the west coast…” Daniel winked at her._

_“No, I did not mean this… I know where I am, I got married here!” Alex turned around and pointed towards the hotel. “Look… on the pathway! See??? I am there… that’s me and my extravagant wedding dress heading to the beach to see if Matt is not too sick from alcohol… That’s me there… young bride, well... younger than now. What is going on? Why am I talking to you? Actually… how am I talking to you? You died decades ago! You’re dead, Daniel!”_

_“Well… unfortunately, the compliment extends to you too.”_

_“Am I dead?”_

_“Do you feel alive?” Daniel challenged._

_“Alright, I’ll play. So I died and then what? I simply decided to re-live my wedding?” Alex frowned._

_“Possibly… that’s what I am doing.” Daniel laughed._

_Alex did not laugh, she just turned to look at the frozen figures of Matt and Mariah. “So, if I am really dead… is this the moment when I am re-living bits and pieces of my life?”_

_“If you choose so, yes.” Daniel nodded._

_“You don’t seem too sure!” Alex rolled her eyes._

_“Sure of what? Whether you will decide to revisit moments of the life you lost? No darling, I am not sure of that.”_

_“Can I… can I change stuff?” Alex asked reluctantly._

_“Of course not. This is no time-traveling!” Daniel laughed. “The whole point is to watch and come at terms with what happened.”_

_“Oh, please! I lived a long life and I have done a tone of shit! I am in no mood of analyzing any of it!” Alex rolled her eyes in exasperation._

_“It’s up to you, really…”_

_“Can I be selective with what I see? And how do I move from an event to the next?”_

_“Yes you can… and by wishing…” Daniel smiled._

_“So let’s say I am a masochist and I want to re-live the darkest moment of my life, do I just...” Alex began, but she did not even manage to finish her sentence. The whole scenery changed. She was no longer on the beach, but on the alley leading to his house. Everything happened so fast! Alex’s whole being tensed when she saw an angry mass of golden curls banging the front door with her fists._

_“Open up you, filthy scum!” Her younger self shouted before kicking the door with her boot._

_“Oh, hell! No… Don’t… don’t… don’t…” Alex rushed towards the house in a futile attempt of stopping her younger self from what was about to come next. Too late, though._

_Ralph opened the door and the younger Alex rushed inside, pushing, kicking and hitting him all at once. The older Alex had no idea why she wanted to live that nightmare all over again, but she nonetheless walked to the house and got inside by passing through the door. She could hear her younger self shouting from the living room and decided to follow the source of the commotion. The scene with which she was greeted was even more tragic than the one she remembered._

_“YOU SIMPLY COULDN’T LEAVE ME BE! YOU HAD TO RUIN ME! AGAIN! WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU?!?” Alex shouted through the tears._

_“I would suggest you to calm down, are you out of your mind?” Ralph frowned trying hard to stop her. She shouted something unintelligible, then hit him with the folder she was holding. Her access of rage aggravating by the second._

_“CALM DOWN, YOU STUPID BITCH!” Ralph shouted trying to mobilize her, but she was out of control. He eventually caught her wrists forcing her to drop the folder she was holding. The folder opened in mid-air and Alex’s divorce papers fell at Ralph’s feet. He looked down and assessed his success in a matter of seconds. “Your divorce is none of my doing! It’s you who is a cheating whore, Alex! Blame no one, but yourself!” Ralph laughed._

_“I HATE YOU WITH ALL MY BEING AND I WANT YOU TO DIE! I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS IF I HAVE TO!” Alex raged, trying hard to deliver on her threat._

_“You think you can hurt me? Honestly?” Ralph hissed and pushed her off him so hard that she lost balance, falling on the sofa behind her. “You are pathetic! That’s all you are! All you’ve ever been! A desperate and pathetic bitch! And you should be taught a lesson, once and for all!” Before Alex got the chance to realize what was going on, Ralph hit her so hard with the back of his palm that her head started spinning. She gasped and look at him in shock. Ralph looked deep into her eyes. Alex received shivers as something terribly dark was glowing inside his eyes._

_“You know…” Ralph whispered on a voice that made her heart freeze. “I’ve been your first man in almost everything in your life… so how about a last first time? For old days sake…” He smirked and started undoing the belt of his trousers. Alex’s heart stop and her body remained petrified on the sofa. He wouldn’t dare… would he?_

_“You wouldn’t dare!” Alex hissed and tried to stand up._

_“Is that a dare, Mrs. Fiennes?” Ralph laughed and pushed her back on the sofa. Alex tried to stand up again but in the very next moment, his belt came in contact with her skin. And then it kept on happening. Over and over and over again. First, Alex screamed in shock, then she started screaming in pain._

_The older Alex simply stood there, with tears streaming down her face, feeling utterly helpless. The whole point was to watch and come at terms with what happened – Daniel said. How was she supposed to come at terms with that? All she could feel was the same rage and hatred and pain and humiliation her younger self was feeling. No acceptance. No revelation. No redemption. No forgiveness!_

_“Are you satisfied now? Now that I proved to you that I am indeed the demon you consider me to be?” Ralph hissed. Alex was curled up on the sofa crying her soul out. Ralph laughed. “Don’t cry as if you are all innocent! You were asking for it!” Then he turned around and left. Just like that._

_Alex’s chimeric form walked with small steps towards the sofa. Her heart aching to see her younger self in so much pain, both physical and emotional. Alex knelt in front of the crying woman and raised her hand in order to touch the golden curls... the golden curls which once belonged to her. Then she stopped, hand mid-way in the air. The realization that she was nothing more than a ghost prompted the older Alex to let her hand fall. She sighed:_

_“Oh, you poor thing… what have you gotten yourself into? Why did you come here? What were you hoping to achieve? What was in your head? Oh, poor you… I am so sorry I could not help you. I am so sorry you had to go through this! And… and I wish I could tell you that he would pay for this, but I am afraid he won’t. I am sorry… but, he will live a long and happy life, completely unaffected and untouched by what happened today, or ever, between you two. He will never care. I am sorry, I am so sorry… but yes, YES! Sometimes life is that unfair!” As if she could hear her older self, the younger Alex started sobbing even harder._

_“Hey… hey… it’s alright, sweetie!” The older Alex said and, without thinking about it, moved her hand to caress her past self’s golden curls. How and why she became corporeal all of a sudden was a mystery. But it ultimately did not matter! The older Alex stood up and made space for herself on the sofa. Then she pulled the younger Alex into her arms and hugged her tight. The younger Alex wrapped her arms around her older self’s waist, snuggling close and seeking comfort._

_“It’s alright, you poor little thing... I’ve got you! I am here now. It took me so many years, but I did learn to love and appreciate you! I did learn… and I do love you! Forgive me for not doing it earlier… it could have saved us so much trouble…”_

_Her younger self half laughed, half sobbed: “It’s good to hear that. Will I see the bastard again?”_

_“Never. Not even once in your life! Matt will make sure of it.”_

_“Matt…” Alex whispered his name and started crying ever louder. “What have I done to Matt? Will I have a place in his life in the future?”_

_“Well… ah… spoilers?” The older Alex whispered. “But… you have to leave this bloody house! Get your stuff and go to Matt’s flat. He will care for you.”_

_“But Matt is in L.A.”_

_“No, he actually came to… well, sell the flat. But that does not matter. Just go to him…”_

“Mommy… mom… mother…”

 

_The two Alex-es raised their heads at the same time. They started looking around, panicked._

“Mom, please… can you hear me?” Salome begged.

 

_“It’s Salome…” The younger Alex jumped from the sofa trying to clean her face. “No, no, no, no, no, no… my daughter cannot see me like this!”_

_“But… but…” The older Alex looked around panicking even more than her younger self. Salome could not be there! Salome had to be in L.A.! She never got to know the truth about Ralph beating Alex! Only three people in the world knew about it: the bastard, herself… and Matt. And it was meant to remain that way!_

_“How do I look???” The younger Alex asked desperately._

_“Horrible!” The older woman replied bluntly, being utterly terrified that Salome could make an appearance in the room any second._

“Mother… mommy… please…”

 

_The younger Alex fell on her knees on the floor, sobbing even harder. “My daughter cannot see me like this… she cannot… she cannot know…”_

“Mommy! Oma’s heart-rate increased! She can hear us… Oma… Oma… can you hear me? It’s Ava! I called Matty, Oma, just as you said and he is on his way! Come on, Oma! Wake up, please! Will you wake up for Matt, please?”

 

“Yes… and for me!” Salome added, which prompted Ava to laugh out loud.

 

“You’re so… you!” Ava rolled her eyes at her mother. “I will call the doctor to see if he thinks she can hear us and understand us!”

 

_“Oh… that’s my Salome!” The older Alex sighed in relief. “That’s future Salome, Alex! Just pull yourself together! We’re good… your daughter is in L.A.! We’re alone in Ralph’s house! Salome will never know!”_

_“Swear it!” The younger Alex turned to face her older self._

_“I swear! Never! I am you! Do you think I would have ever allowed her to find out?”_

_“Good point!” Alex admitted standing up “Au…” Her whole body was in pain._

_“You have to get yourself to Matt’s flat… you’re bleeding! Just go to Matt’s flat and he will take care of you, I promise! He will heal you… go to Matt. A week is all you have left with him. Just you and him, cut off from the world. Your very own Darillium. Let him love you the best he can. It’s a memory you will treasure so much. Just go to Matt. I would love to stay around and watch him make love to you over and over and over again… but I really need to go, alright? I want to see my daughter and granddaughter… Matt too if it’s still possible… I need to talk to him…”_

_“No… Don’t leave me alone!” The younger Alex begged._

_“You’re a big girl. I shouldn’t even be able to speak to you. I cannot change the future anyway. It’s meant to happen how it happened! That’s what Daniel said.”_

_“Who’s Daniel?”_

_The older Alex rolled her eyes: “Daniel is… a friend of a friend.”_

_“Well, this friend of a friend does not know much! Not being able to change the future? That’s rubbish! Everything is possible in a dream! I don’t want a Darillium with Matt! I want my whole life to be with Matt! I refuse to spend my life without him. You say you cannot change the future? I say you can! Do it! Change it!”_

_“This is not a dream, Alex! This is me relieving the best and worst moments of my life… before, you know, I lose it for good.”_

_“What?” Alex laughed. “Do you really think it happens like that? Seeing your life flashing before your eyes? Nonsense! You are dreaming! You’re not dead! You are dreaming… this is a dream! So you… we… we can change what happened here! Let’s change the future! I want to be with Matt my whole life! Let’s change the future. Let’s erase all other memories. Make them un-happen, build a new future… if we have to leave this world, let’s make our life worth-while…”_

_“Well, love…” The older Alex smiled. “Our life was worth-while! And you know what? I wouldn’t really change a thing!”_

 

“I am sorry, ladies… I truly doubt she can hear you. Alex is not responding to any signals and she is drifting slowly into a deeper stage of coma.” The doctor said barely louder than a whisper. “It’s not… not long now… I am sorry.”

 

“She can hear us! I know she can!” Ava protested.

 

“Ava… let it go.” Salome hissed as the doctor excused himself and left the room.

 

“This is all my fault!” The teenager covered her face with her hands and started crying. “I made her read me the fairy tale… I should have let her rest!”

 

“Hey, don’t be silly. It’s not your fault and you know it, sweetie.” Salome whispered. She went with slow steps towards the window. She rested her elbows on the window still and looked outside. Ava sat back on the chair next to her grandma’s bed and continued weeping in silence. Several minutes passed like that, without any of the women saying anything.

 

Eventually Salome cleared her voice. “Matt’s coming…” The hospital’s parking lot was busier than usual, but she had no problems in recognizing Matt’s car as soon as it entered the lot.

 

“About time…” Whispered Ava.

 

A sad smile curved Salome’s lips when she saw Matt getting off his car holding a large bouquet of white roses and lilies.

 

“He’s brought her flowers. White flowers, of course.” Salome sighed. “You know, when I was a teenager, I used to think that Matt was so boring with his eternal white flowers. But as I grew older I realized that this signature of his was simply… beautiful. He loved her so much and sometimes I wonder how life would have been if…” Salome cleared her voice, unable to mutter her thoughts. “… it does not matter, I suppose.”

 

_“SALOME! How many times do I have to tell you NOT to…” Alex’s mind flew back to a horribly hot day, in June 2018. She remembered bursting into her daughter’s bedroom while holding in her hands a pair of white sneakers covered in mud. Alex was fuming, anger bursting through every pore of her body. She knew very well that Salome had nothing to do with it, but as the teenager was the only living being in that house, Alex had no one else to pour her frustration on. Back in that June, Alex found herself in a very dark period of her life. She was in the middle of yet another divorce, the love of her life had recently collected all his stuff from their L.A. and London houses, the shootings for the bloody film which ruined her marriage was over, she had no other work in line, no family to focus on and she simply could not think straight._

_Salome turned with her chair and glared at her mother: “Did you cheat on Matt, mom?”_

_“Pardon me?” Alex asked freezing on the spot._

_“Did you, or didn’t you cheat on Matt?” The teenager replied without blinking._

_“What are you talking about? Who told you something like that?” Alex hissed. “If you think that a stupid tantrum will get you out of trouble you are very wrong! How many times did I tell you to clean your sodding shoes and not leave a trail of mud all over my house!?”_

_“Ow, really?” Salome challenged standing up from her desk chair. “My shoes are the problem, now? My shoes and not you??? Answer my question, mother!!! Is this why I lost Myra? TELL ME? Did I lose my dog…” Hot tears fell down the teenager’s cheeks as she struggled to keep her voice even. “Did… did I lose Myra, did Matt leave us and took my dog with him… because you slept with Ralph Fiennes?”_

_“I…” Alex whispered._

_“DID YOU?” Salome shouted._

_“How…” Alex felt suddenly sick. She dropped the muddy shoes on the ground and covered her stomach with a hand._

_“How do I know?” Salome laughed through the tears. “It’s all over the bloody news!” She said pointing towards the laptop behind her._

_“How can it be on the news???” Alex rushed to the laptop. She leaned over the desk and bended the laptop’s flap. A Daily Mail page greeted her with a horrendous title:_

**_Former Doctor Who star, Matt Smith, spent his night in custody after assaulting Ralph Fiennes outside a London pub._ **

****

_“What in the name of sanity…” Alex covered her mouth with her hand and started to read the article. Apparently Matt was leaving the pub quite inebriated, just as Ralph, who happened to be at the pub next door, was outside for a cigarette break. At first, Matt walked past Ralph, trying hard to ignore him. But after taking no more than five steps away, he stopped his tracks, turned around, rushed back to where Ralph was leaning on the pub’s wall and punched him in the face. Witnesses claimed that Matt had distinctively shouted “This is for fucking my wife!” before throwing a second punch. Ralph did not fail to react – “It’s your wife who begged me to fuck her, boyo!” And from that comment forward the two men got into a terrible fight. There were plenty of pictures and even a short video to prove the story. And with no Benedict Cumberbatch to step in between and remind them how posh British gentlemen solved their issues, both Matt and Ralph needed a short visit to the A &E before police stations or anything else._

_“Oh, dear God! What have they done?” Alex bit her lower lip, tears falling down her cheeks._

_“What have **they** done? What have YOU done?” Salome accused. “Hope you are satisfied now! You got two men to savagely fight over you. Much wow! Impressive! I admire you so much! I have so many things to learn from you!”_

_Her daughter’s bitter sarcasm and the painful truth of her accusations broke Alex even more. “Sal… I… I am so sorry… I made a mistake. I… please… I did not want any of this. I don’t know what I was thinking. My marriage was not going too well, I simply could not cope with the age gap and the dissatisfaction of not being able to give Matt a proper family! And him, well… Matt is the most wonderful man I know but he simply could not comprehend what I and my body and my hormones were going through… We could not bridge the gap! And I slipped! I simply slipped!” Alex confessed, starting crying. “I simply slipped… I lost it, lost myself, lost my head over the fact that the bastard whom I loved with my whole being for so long, the bastard who treated me like utter garbage, wanted me again… It is stupid, but it made me feel good and powerful. I was stupid and wrong and weak and… human. This is the biggest mistake I have ever made and I will have the carry the guilt of it with me for the rest of my life. My baby, please… please, forgive me! I cannot lose you and your respect over this… it would be too much. Please, forgive me.” She begged._

_“Mommy…” Salome whispered and threw herself around her mother’s neck. Alex wrapped her arms around her daughter and held her tight. “Mommy, I… am just hurt that Matty took Mira. That was totally his dick move in this divorce! I did not mean what I said, I have no right to judge you… but I am hurt and I miss her! I know that on papers Mira was Matt’s dog… his birthday present and whatnot, but come on! You guys were living half here, half in London. I was the one taking constant care of Mira! She is my dog!”_

_“I know. But the divorce is not settled yet, we still have some things to split. I promise I will get full custody over Mira.” Alex half joked, half cried. “And if I don’t, I will just kidnap her when I go back to London to sign the divorce papers…” She sighed. “Please forgive me, Salome.”_

_“Mommy, it’s not me who has to forgive you…” Salome whispered. “Not me, not even Matt… but you. Oh, mommy… promise me you will forgive yourself one day…”_

_“Salome…”_

_“Promise me…”_

 

“Alex…” Someone whispered her name.  

 

_“Matt…” Alex could hear him, but she had no idea where he was. Or where she was, for that matter. She was lost somewhere inside her own mind, relieving random episodes of her life in absolutely chaotic order. There was no rule to what she was seeing or to how she was seeing it. Bits and pieces, bits and pieces. Everything was randomized. Everything was mixed up. Sometimes she was seeing some of her memories as if she was merely watching a film. Other times she was literally living them once again. And then, there were the moments when she was an old ghost present in the past, able to slow it down, to play with it, to rewind it over and over again, or even to make up conversations with her younger self._

_She was trapped in her own mind and she could not leave. She felt Salome and Ava near her all along, but she could not always hear them. Sometimes she heard them clearly, as if she was simply sleeping and they were in the room doing their own thing. Other times, she heard only distant sounds, as if they were at the other end of a terribly poor telephone line._

“Alex…”

 

_“Matt…” Was Matt there as well? When did he arrive?_

“Alex…”

 

_The next thing she knew was that his lips pressed softly over hers. For the first time in years she felt his lips on hers. Alex’s heart started beating faster._

 

Ava cringed and automatically looked at Henry’s reaction when his dad leaned over Alex’s bed and pressed his lips on hers. Henry looked back at Ava and made a face. Ava laughed softly and then froze as the monitors her grandma was connected clearly displayed an increase in the heartbeat rate.   

 

“You make a glorious Sleeping Beauty...” Matt giggled caressing Alex’s snow-white curls. With one eye he looked at the monitors. A small improvement, but she was not well at all. It broke Matt’s heart to see her like that. All he wanted was to run away, far away, somewhere where she was alright, somewhere back in time when she was healthy and happy! But he knew well he couldn’t do any of that, and he also knew he had to be strong for the both of them.

 

“You know, darling, you are supposed to wake up when…” Matt looked around and his eyes met the curious gases of Salome, Ava and Henry. He shook his head and slowly sat down on the chair next to her bed. Then Matt leaned in until his lips brushed against Alex’s ear:

 

“You are supposed to wake up when kissed by your one true love. It’s how fairytales go…” He whispered absolutely inaudibly for the others. Alex moved her fingers slowly and he immediately grabbed her hand. He raised it to his lips and kissed it repeatedly. “I know you are tired...” He continued whispering, voice extremely low, still holding her hand and kissing it. “I know you want to rest… but please, let me see your eyes one more time. Let me tell you how much I love you, Alex… how much I will always love you. Let me give you something that I brought for you, something that belongs to you and to no one else…”

 

_Alex fought hard to open her eyes. She wanted to, desperately wanted to, but it was so hard._

 

“And…” Matt said out loud, for all the curious ears to in the room to hear: “I also need to have a word with you, Madame! Did you know my son is dating, Ava? Why didn’t you tell me? How can you be alright with this? So, if you could please wake up and explain yourself…” He tried to joke, but the two teenagers looked terribly worried.

 

Alex’s lips curved into a small smile and her eye lids started trembling, as she was desperately willing her eyes to open. Matt looked at her face, his heart racing in anticipation:

 

“Please…” He begged. “Please…”

 

“Leave…” Alex whispered, her eyes only barely opened. Matt frowned and his heart stopped all of a sudden. “… the kids… be…”

 

Matt exhaled in relief! His hands were properly shaking and his heart could barely recover from the mini heart attack her initial ‘leave’ had caused him: “How are you feeling, precious?”

 

“Never… better…” Alex whispered.

 

“Oma!” Ava hurried to her. “You promised not to do that to me! Honestly!”

 

“Sorry…” Alex whispered on a terribly weak voice, trying to grimace an apology. She looked so fragile. “Matt…”

 

“I am here… no worries.” Matt assured her.  

 

“I want to…” She began but her eyes closed again.

 

“Alex… Alex…” Matt placed his hand on her cheek.

 

“… talk with…” She whispered suddenly struggling to breathe.

 

Matt immediately pressed the buzzer calling the medical staff. “We’ll talk, love… we’ll talk. After the doctor sees you, alright? We will do all the talking in the world, but right now… you have to promise me you’ll try to stay awake a bit… promise?”

 

“Promise…” Alex whispered before drifting into sleep again.    __  


End file.
